Curses of Camelot
by Selkie-smile
Summary: So many things in Camelot go unnoticed.
1. Chapter 1

The old woman didn't bother to control the violent tremors that shook her frame with the knowledge of what awaited her in the morning. She could hear the pyre being constructed, a deliberate cruelty on the part of Uther when he had chosen the cells in which to hold magic users.

She was no High Priestess of Nimueh's power, but a low priestess she was, and had trained to serve the goddess from girlhood, a calling that she was proud of; her years of service had enhanced a naturally strong desire to nurture and protect others.

When the witch hunters had captured her and dragged her where she would meet her doom Aggie had used the journey to prepare herself for the derision and hate of the folk she had once cared for, a hatred of her own burning in her gut, the sickening pain of betrayal ever present.

When she was thrown to the floor before Uther though, bound, gagged, and bloodied, she saw in the faces of his courtiers, his servants, not hatred but raw fear. A fear not of _her_ she knew, having shared rites with some of them in the past, but of _him._ Of suspicion and the risk that came with showing sympathies. One in particular she recognised and the shame was visible, and she remembered his twins, barely out of infancy, giggling and playing in the river. How could she truly hate him for trying to save his babies from burning.

It did not stop the bitterness from tainting her heart, but she realised that she could forgive him, and those like him. The image stayed with her as she was led away to the dungeons. She hadn't spoken at the judgement, she refused to take Uther's bait and let him feel more of a victory. She wondered what she could do to protect those who were hidden away from the King's notice.

Tonight Aggie was held in cold iron cuffs, but once they bound her to the pyre they would be removed she knew, Uther wouldn't risk destroying those abominations.

Not for someone like her.

The pain was too distracting to properly concentrate, but she tried to think of any spell that would be quick to cast, could be done before the flames prevented her from doing anything useful. Short. It had to be short. She would send her everything, her full power into this she decided, keeping nothing to blunt the pain or try to induce sleep on the pyre, and have an anchor that would not be tampered with.

By morning she had managed to form something of a plan. Aggie was a practical woman, and no matter who lived in the castle, there was one thing in the courtyard that was sacrosanct to all. No one noticed the well unless it was poisoned, it was an easy shape to work with, and the royals were guaranteed not to fetch their own water anyway. A suitable vessel.

Tightly bound as she was, atop the pyre, there was a moment, just before the torch touched the kindling where the cuffs were removed and Aggie was briefly reunited with her magic.

" _Synderlic witodlic, warian dîegol, wîgheafola ðætte ðrêowan n¯ænig pro hearmian "_

To see only what they looked for and not that which was hidden, to shield those who meant no harm.

Aggie was no fool, she knew she didn't have the strength to save her brothers and sisters from the monsters even before she had been weakened by the abuse, but it would be enough to blind them to some things, and save a few lives, and in the end, saving lives was what she had spent her life doing. Fuck Uther, the bastard could burn her, but she made sure that when she cast, she looked him full in the eyes so he saw hers flash golden. He'd murder her without remorse, but he'd never know what that last act was, and _that_ would keep him awake at night.

The old sorceress would never know it, but seventeen years later, it would result in the mad king, who had long ago forgotten her, dismissing the bold claims of a young Emrys as the infatuation of a lovesick fool.

It would also prevent the daughter of a blacksmith from noticing the magic of the kings's daughter for almost a decade of course, but magic was unpredictable like that.


	2. Chapter 2

Another day in Camelot, another man set to burn.

A Seer this time, vermin, all of them. Even more than the common evil sorcerers.

Seers he had discovered to his ill fortune would set a man up and rejoice in their humiliation. He hated them _so much._ Destiny this, Fate that. It was nonsense, all of it, a symptom of a sickness infecting his people.

This one, bound and battered was thrown down before Uther and didn't have the sense to keep his mouth shut. He hated that the man's words would not leave his mind easily. Obviously he must be contaminated by some kind of spell.

He closed his eyes against the memory, wishing once again that he had ordered he be brought gagged before the court.

"You will be responsible for Camelot's ruin you fool! Your pride, and delusions. You read the prophesies, I _know_ you did, and were _so certain_ that the Great King was you, weren't you. Your ego will destroy everything. Your advisors told you and you _never listened._ So arrogant." The condemned spat at Uther's feet.

"Did you never hear of self fulfilling prophesies, you dullard? You slaughtered the dragons to keep them from rising against you. Imprisoned the Great One to keep any from fulfillment, to stop him reaching The Emrys. Betrayed us all, betrayed Igraine. How could you ever have been the One foretold? What presumption! What hate you breed, such darkness and fear. Did you ever listen to Her, or to Nimue? Your suffering is of your own making Uther, and every day it grows greater, the debt that can only be settled by the blood of those lacking magic to heal the balance. Your life and the boy's will now be controlled by the prophecies you forced, by self fulfilling ones you cannot even begin to comprehend. Everything that follows is done by your own hand, and it will follow you even to the next world. You will _never_ be free because you have chained and damned us all. Even a man as blind as you knows the danger of knowing the future, and I tell you now that the Goddess will not stand for your bloodlust and treachery forever. You abused your power as king, Uther, and tried to play with forces that High Priests avoid. You are not a god, Uther, you are no longer even a _man_. All you are is a mad king, and your selfishness will bring this land crumbling to ashes and dust, as fire and darkness consumes your bloodline."

A knight, seeing the rage writ on the king's face, features contorted into a mask of revulsion and open hatred, had obligingly kicked the poisonous worm into unconsciousness and dragged him roughly from the room as Uther stonily gave the order for a pyre to be built immediately. It would not come to pass. None of it. He had ensured that in every possible way.  
Hadn't he?

Actions


	3. Chapter 3

Nimue stared at what was shown in her scrying basin aghast. That vile, cheating asshole! After everything, even with him knowing the cost of his choice, to find out that there was never any need in the first place.

Misogynistic pig of a man.

She glanced over at her apprentice, who looked hesitant and cautious, Nimue snorted, as if she was the one they ought to fear.

No. This was something she could not allow to go unanswered.

When Uther had come to her to plead for aid to conceive an heir of his own bloodline Nimue had agreed, wishing to help her friend. The nobles had been increasingly cutting and unkind towards Igraine in her failure to produce one to ensure their future, and that was not a life she would wish upon anyone.

That Uther would do so when he had already begotten a child never crossed her mind. Naive, she told herself.

The High Priestess schooled her expression and turned to smile at young Morgause.

"Come, child. Let me show you something new. It will be beyond you for many years still, but you can learn the steps." The girl followed behind her eagerly, Nimue's demonstrations were always fascinating.

Uther stood in the council room, empty now of any advisors and a cold wind blew open the windows and doors, a High Priestess he knew far too well striding towards him, fury in every line of her body. Knowing the futility his hand still went to his sword hilt.

"Don't bother, Uther. You can't kill what isn't there." His arm dropped, he understood. She was appearing to him from a place of safety, the coward.

Nimue raised an eyebrow at his clear thought. What was it with sorcerers and unnatural brows? He should add that to his list of Suspicious Things.

"You lying, repugnant, adulterous scumbag! How dare you? You told me there was no-one. You lied. A woman died, my friend died, because you were too selfish and craven to acknowledge a daughter. There was already a Pendragon blood heir before you ever sought me at the Isle. Do you honestly think that refusing to acknowledge her will work, getting Gaius to lie again to everyone." Something must have shown on his face then, was that a flicker of guilt she saw? "Oh! Oh, this is rich. He doesn't know, does he? You didn't tell even him of her existence! This isn't over Uther, you have gifted your kingdom not with a legitimate heir, but with your bastards, you have promised a full civil war, beyond anything you ever dreamed your genocide would bring."

Uther wanted to demand an explanation, how could she possibly know, but of course she knew, magic would always betray him. Nothing good could ever come of it.

Vivian had accepted his bribe to keep the girl-child away from court, and Gorlois his threats of consequences should the truth be told- of course the man knew basic maths, no woman had a 13 month pregnancy. The child couldn't possibly be his, but a king's bastard was a weapon, and in the end Uther had regrettably had to dispose of his friend.

"She will rise against her half-brother, your rejection and hatred guarantee it, and I will ensure she learns her heritage Uther, you may be sure of that. I know now how deep this corruption goes Uther, and I must wonder, is she the only one? Or the only one that you know of?" Nimue smirked darkly as she faded away.

"If fear be your choice Uther, may you feel it's bitter sting as it devours what's left of your soul. I am not the source, you sick halfwit, fear the future you bought with blood, fear the children you ransomed." The space before him was empty and nausea overwhelmed him.

Gaius found him hours later, still in the council room, staring blankly at the fireplace and muttering 'she knows'. He didn't need to ask who 'she' was, there were few indeed who could reduce Camelot's king to this level of incoherence, but he would dearly like to know what it was she knew that had Uther in this state. He sighed. Whenever there was sighting or sound of Nimue, a rise in burnings always followed. He wished simply for that that the woman would stay away.

"Come on. It's late Uther. She isn't here.

"Is it true Gauis, what she said?"

The physician sighed. "I don't know Sire, I wasn't here, Nimue has said many things, and kept many secrets." Not as many as you. He added silently.

Uther nodded and dismissed Gaius, "It's late, bring a sleeping draught to my chambers. I have a feeling I may need it tonight."

On the Isle of the blessed, an exhausted but satisfied High Priestess sat thinking, once her apprentice was sleeping quietly. There was a group of druids she needed to contact rather urgently. Uther might now stop brutalising the women in raids as he had been doing, but he had left another with them a son already. She had not lied to the man, unlike some, it was not her way to deceive without absolute necessity.

Two days later Morgana arrived in the court for her first introduction, he would allow her to remain with her mother until he deemed it time to bring her to live in his household. Vivian knew her silence was worth her life, he didn't doubt she would hold her tongue.

If his children were to compete he would have to force them to an understanding. Twist the truth just enough. He would thwart the witch this time. She was nothing to him. He was the king, and the old religion would never again be accepted in Camelot, he would make certain that his children understood that, and that no exceptions could ever be made. They would be grateful in the end he knew. They all would.


	4. Chapter 4

Camelot was haunted.

Well of course it was haunted, so many people had died unjustly within its walls that disturbed spirits were an inevitability, few stayed in the place they had suffered so greatly, but one of those was a grizzled dragonlord, who remained to look after those who took it into their heads to visit Kilgarrah. Not that the old grump had been particularly sociable before his imprisonment either.

It wasn't a particularly challenging task until one dark haired boy turned up, his parentage obvious to anyone who had known Balinor in his youth, and apparently unaware of that heritage.

The guards on the dragon's cave were accustomed to it being a particularly slow job, and not paying attention, but he was guilty of using them for entertainment at times, being a spirit had serious disadvantages. Balinor's heir though, barely distracted them enough to get past safely. It made him wonder if the boy cared about his own survival at all.

So the resident ghost took up encouraging the guards to be easily distracted, passing through them, creating wind without a source. Giving a running commentary on their gambling. No one so low down the chain of command wanted to mention anything to Uther that might suggest they associated with magic, so it simply became a punishment duty for an unspoken yet understood reason. Any guard talking back got assigned duty with the sarcastic ghost.

They got so used to the interruptions eventually that a servant could quite easily trip over something and the noise would be written off without any investigation, and objects knocked over were automatically picked up, after all, interfering ghosts couldn't pick things up even if they blew them over.

As much as he wanted to berate Balinor's son, the old man knew that Kilgarrah's lectures and riddles were worse, and usually, he seemed to be coming down for advice on problems that a farming boy could never have been educated about, even if he was Emrys. Plus, despite Merlin's acceptance and kinship with the great dragon, he might be a little less genial with ghosts with grudges against Uther, or Gaius. Saving one of his kind was practical, and the only sane thing while a dragon breathed. Other than Balinor though, only those far from the shores of Albion lived now. There was an emptiness of spirit that had hollowed him out and made him almost grateful for his death, the frustration of remaining between worlds was better than what his surviving kin would continue to feel. They were made for connection, and for unity, Dragonlords may have been tightly knit, but it wasn't from a sense of superiority or a desire to exclude, it was simply that the 'normal' humans could never possibly understand.

They were also frequently regarded with no small amount of fear as most of them were adrenaline junkies. Especially once they tasted the skies. The court had panicked when the first of them wouldn't burn, but really, when a man played with dragon fire, the flames of a fire were almost tickly. It was the reason that trickery had been required in the first place to kill his people. He hoped that the dark haired kid would survive long enough to inherit that particular ability. Not that anyone really wanted to test whether or not they could walk through the flames, and clothes certainly did not survive. Merlin appeared to have only two shirts, so really couldn't afford to lose one. Only a generation ago he would have been recognised as the Lord he was by birthright.

Seeing him reduced to such poverty made anger churn low in his gut. At the same time he recognised the wisdom in remaining in a less obvious position in the court. Uther's paranoia was enough that he may forget that Balinor was 'died' without issue should the boy turn up looking too similar to his father. Perhaps he should visit the mad king. If he thought he was seeing dead men it might cause him to disregard the apparent similarity.

It might be fun. He hadn't had that sort of fun for a while.

Yes. It was about time he took a turn.

He'd left the two shrieking sisters to do night shifts for too long. Time passed differently in this form, but if Balinor's son was almost an adult it had been too long. Maybe they'd enjoy a swap for a while. In life one had been an accomplished flirt, which would work just as well for distractions should Merlin need it.

Two weeks later the wandering spirits of Camelot had organised themselves better than in all the years before. The guards decided that it was in their interests to either ignore resident ghosts or agree with them until their shift ended and they could go to the tavern and get very, very drunk. And if occasionally a certain manservant wandered past, well, the ghosts seemed to be on good terms with him, and the dragon hadn't burned him to a crisp yet, which probably meant that turning him in to Uther would result in angry spirits and dragons.

Which they would still have to guard.

The pithy, sarcastic one was right. Best to just not notice, and concentrate very hard on winning whatever they had bet on in order to forget with the help of plenty of ale.


	5. Chapter 5

"You would raise your son in a web of lies, dripping poison just as deadly as mortaeus in his ear each day. You would kill him with it just as surely as with a blade. The bloodsoaked boy you would feed to the wolves. Tell me my lord, do you even love him? Do you love the little prince for the half that is her , or do you hate him for it?" The witchfinder bent to remove the cuff, a heated brand at the ready to distract her from any attempt to cast a spell, throat already hoarse from screaming, the sorceress managed to gasp out one last thing to the king before oblivion took her, power rushing outwards, "He will never recognise truth from lies as long as he looks to you."

It was unfortunate timing for her tormentor to release a burst of power that had been held back for long enough to send a shock of excruciating pain through her and cause her control to falter. It was even more unfortunate that king Uther had elected to not distinguish between witches and mild sorceresses. The rush of magic imbued her words with power, and knocked the guards back, leaving several with broken ribs or out cold.

"Summon the physician."

Aredian snorted. 'Physician' indeed. It was a lie and they all knew it. The man was a filthy sorcerer, and a coward to boot. How he would love to have a few hours alone with the sly man, and then, when he was finished, he'd watch the traitor burn. He may have deceived the king, but Uther was a fool. No one played him for a fool and lived. He'd make sure of it. All he had to do was wait, and when the man slipped up, Aredian would be there to catch him.

Only the years he'd spent training as a physician enabled Gaius to control his stomach as he was assaulted by every foul odour when he was brought into the lower dungeons. He hated it, hated everything it represented, hated that he knew what he would see, and that he could keep his face still as stone now, knowing full well how little it took to cross the fragile line of the bars kept between courtier and condemned. Most of all he hated himself, knowing that he had mastered the ability to stand aside, and yet the other healers had already burned or fled. The only chance any of the victims had, the only relief, depended on his walking away.

This time was certain to be horrific, it was Aredian's handiwork, and the man was a sadist with no conscience. Unlike Uther he didn't care about magic, whether his victims had it or not, didn't care about extracting information, or truth, he enjoyed hurting people.

The magic Gaius had bound tightly inside himself recoiled further as the approached the cells, and he knew why he was there, the torturer had been abusing items of black magic again. Uther stood, staring at the woman in revulsion.

"What happened?"

He knew exactly what had happened.  
"Sh e used magic against the other prisoners and the guards, wake them up. I want to know how she did it."

Gaius suppressed a sigh, letting it out would be too dangerous. "The cuffs are intended to block magic sire. They cause the user intense pain, and the return when the are undone creates an even more blinding agony, but they are not designed to be manipulated as a torture device. In extreme distress the rush of power could spill over and cause the destruction. The cuffs must remain on, or off to prevent it. Quickly alternating that disrupts things and can cause uncontrolled release or magic."

The king nodded, distrust showing openly. "And in your opinion, Witchfinder?"

Aredian held Uther's gaze, "It is a method I have used very effectively in the past. They deserve to suffer for the pain they have caused others. The sorcerers were clearly hiding others and I wanted to know where. I decided the results justified the risks."

Uther nodded thoughtfully, and surveyed the damage to his dungeon and guards. "You will no longer use it here. Keep the cuffs on. Find a new way to get the information you need." He cast a look towards the physician. "Do what you can for the guards. Don't touch the prisoners." Gaius swallowed. Some of those 'prisoners' had been his friends, and they now looked at him rightly with hatred and disdain.

If Aredian wasn't watching him he could have slipped them a painkiller or poison, but the man was like a hawk, and ever looking for an excuse to burn him, it wasn't a risk he could take with the torturer present. For those poor souls in Camelot's dungeons death would now be a mercy. The screams that echoed from there were as terrible as those from the pyre, they simply continued for longer. There were far too many willingly twisted men, but Aredian made a speciality of keeping people on the cusp of life and death, he had studied anatomy years ago in Camelot, and he had been exiled after being caught abusing that position, practising the skill of harming someone without leaving evident marks. Gaius had expected never to see him again, and knowing all of his crimes, Uther had intentionally summoned him back, calling evil good, and darkness light.

Gaius left the lower dungeons feeling numb, and made it to his chambers before losing the iron grip on his stomach. There must have been a day when his life turned into a living nightmare, a defining moment, and yet it seemed to have occurred steadily, the everyday people becoming used to living in a surreal land where normality had become madness, and madness replaced truth. It sickened Gaius on some levels. The king had a reason, but the people living outside the city, they didn't, there was a choice, and they were choosing irrational brutality, turning on neighbours. The healers had often been magic users, so there was now hardly any remaining. That should have been a sign to them he thought, and yet it seemed many could easily ignore it.

As happened every time it crossed his mind Gaius reminded himself that that was exactly what his own actions would look like. He looked longingly at the hemlock that rested in his cabinet and wished once again that he could use it himself, but there were others who needed it more, and without him, even the guards, knights, and servants, would lose limbs and lives to infection and false accusations.

No one else was left now to help them, and by now he had earned this punishment, to succumb would be allowing himself to hide from others suffering, and that was not what a true healer did, was it? A healer was always most needed on a battlefield, and for all it's velvets, and feasts, he knew now, that was exactly what the castle had become, for far too many people. The beauty of it now a cruel joke. How many more must die before his king's rage was appeased he wondered. When the queen had died, he expected the king's intense grief, but he could never have foreseen this.


	6. Chapter 6

The gruff librarian sighed and gestured over to a chair next to him as Gaius looked at Geoffrey over the large desk. "Yes?"

He avoided the library as often as possible, carefully guarding the books he could and those he needed often in his own chambers, it was one place he just couldn't avoid the shadows of people long gone, and nausea rolled through him. "The king is considering a betrothal for the young prince, it would seem."

Geoffrey nodded stiffly, "It would certainly be a strong point in favour of any treaty, a stake in the succession, it could go a long way to ending the war."

Casting an eye over the documents covering the table Gaius schooled his features, "Isn't the prince a little _young_ for such a thing?" He looked pointedly at the old genealogist.

"No younger than Odin's boy and Mithian are for theirs."

Oh dear. "Who are the candidates the king is considering, if you'll pardon my asking." The physician cringed, he had expected longer to consider his choices for this particular dilemma.

Geoffrey snorted, "Almost any girl of appropriate standing, provided the family have no history with magic or fertility problems. There are a ridiculous number of girls he wants me to look deeply into, though so far he seems to favour the young princess Elena and Lady Vivian."

There was a heavy darkness that seemed to suffocate Gaius, his eyes closed as he took a deep breath, "There must be a way to delay this."

Finally noting the sombre tone of his friend's voice Geoffrey strode to the door and bolted it, pulling shut the heavy curtain to muffle the sounds within. "No Gaius."

"One day he will realise, and we will both stand accused of lying to the king."

Geoffrey avoided looking at Gaius and handed him a cup of fortifying wine. "Well telling him what he does not wish to hear hasn't been working out well either, has it. To anyone who knows the old laws it will be clear enough, they know what to expect, and despite his complete rejection of the Old Religion, Uther learned them as well as anyone else."  
"I doubt that somehow, and if Uther does he is most certainly in denial if he intends to force a betrothal through the council."

"Gaius, the blood has flowed in our home like rivers. We cannot destroy the fragile hope of the people for a lasting peace." Gaius looked anguished, burnings were still common.

"A hope that is false and we both know it. Is it not cruel to raise the prince in ignorance?

No matter how much blood Uther spills, the deal only ever traded one life for the potential of another. A dynasty cannot be bought with the years granted a single barren woman. These _documents_ aren't history yet Geoffrey, they are the lives of little girls."

"Indeed they are. So help me build a profile of needs so that we can recommend one with the necessary strength, the heart to complement Arther's, who will neither topple Camelot, nor crumble as dreams of children, family and long loves turn to ashes. The land will not survive another bitter ruler left alone. The king has made the decision to raise the boy in ignorance, and you've taken oaths Gaius. You could never explain these consequences without explaining the circumstances of his birth and his mother's death. The king would declare this element a perversion of _magic_ ," he whispered the word, "despite the absence of any, and another wave of deaths would follow."

"You are certain we should be silent on this my friend?" Gaius kept his voice low.

Geoffrey sighed, suddenly feeling very tired, and older than his years. "The end of the bloodline and inevitability of never seeing grandchildren? _Yes I am certain_. If he does not wish to acknowledge it then I have no desire to lose any more friends in yet another witch-hunt, or listen to stupidity reign in council about the malice of high priestesses. Perhaps the king can be encouraged to wait a little longer to arrange a betrothal, perhaps play Gawant and Olaf against each other. It's a pity there isn't a daughter to offer in exchange or double bond with." This was why no one would play chess with the old librarian anymore. He couldn't simply leave the machinations to others, and yet looked completely harmless.

The physician's craft had taught him long ago that the worst fatal illnesses or poisons often looked the most innoccous at the outset. The most dangerous were always those that could pass unnoticed and not catch attention, it held true for people.

"Do we not risk history repeating itself if we leave it shrouded in silence? The problem will be equally difficult and significant for the son as the father."  
"Then I suppose we must inform our successors should we survive to have them, and pray that they are wiser and cannier than we were this time."

Gaius snorted, "I don't intend to train one after what was done to my last apprentice. I'll try to save as many people as I can until the breath leaves my body, but 'physician' is a title the men die for quite literally these days. I won't willingly do that to another."

The old librarians eyes softened, "Yes you will. You care too much for your _prince_ to leave him without protection you trust, even if you curse yourself all the while for burdening and risking them in the castle."

"They can bring someone from another master in then." he couldn't quite keep the bitterness from bleeding into his tone.

Geoffrey shook his head, "My dear Gaius, you'd be too stubborn to die, following them everywhere and wanting to check their reasoning and diagnoses. Plus you wouldn't trust their loyalties. The court will always need someone to heal wounds and illnesses, they wouldn't realise they need a record keeper until I am gone." Unable to honestly refute that, Gaius was completely still for a long moment breaking his silence so softly that Geoffrey almost didn't hear.

"A life for a life. If it had been Uther's life.."

"But it wasn't."

"If it had been though."

"It wasn't Gaius. No one can change time, or the laws the world is built upon. If someone could choose, could _control_ whose life was used in the exchange, what would it make them but a god among men?"

Gaius sank into a convenient seat. "Thank you Geoffrey. I know you are right, it just seems that each day brings more darkness, more secrecy. I wonder if, by the time I pass over, there will be any of my soul left to pass on."

The librarian scowled, he understood, like no-one else could, "They do. The truth is hidden and the lies are taught, this world we live in is wrong, but to preserve all that we can will consume us both."

As negotiations dragged on, Uther was carefully convinced that any betrothal should be saved for a more _critical_ treaty, the prince perhaps dangled like bait in front of potential allies, a ploy that appeared to work. It was one he would later use shamelessly with another child in his household, one who might have ensured the survival of his bloodline had he ever been able to take responsibility for past sins, but Uther Pendragon had never been one to accept consequences publicly, and Morgana was a living, breathing daily reminder of exactly those sins.

All of his flaws personified in a pretty little package, on the outside the image of her mother.

Just like his son looked at him with Igraine's eyes, Morgana saw through him and held her head high when she raged. Had two old men known of their king's infidelity, so many wrongs may have been averted, but it was far too late for that, and the court of Camelot stood already on a foundation of lies.

One more could surely make no difference...


	7. Chapter 7

Morgana lay still, barely breathing. Her dreams troubled her far less frequently now, but occasionally one slipped through, and she always knew when one had been prevented manifesting. It was unsurprising that one should have slipped through tonight of all nights, her attack having been foiled, but something about the confrontation in the crypts tickled uncomfortably in the back of her mind. The words Merlin had used. It mattered. Something about them was significant and she couldn't identify exactly what.

"You don't have magic, Merlin. How could you hope to understand?"

"I do understand, believe me. If I had your gifts, I would harness them for good. That's what magic should be for. That's why you were born with these powers."

"You don't know what it's like to be an outsider. To be ashamed of how you were born, to have to hide who you are. Do you think I deserve to be executed because of who I am?"

"No, it doesn't have to be like this. We can find another way."

"There is no other way."

She was right. She _knew_ she was right. There was no other way, Morgause had told her that, shown her that. Her dreams showed her scenes of terrible deaths, Camelot's doom if she let it continue this way.

The words though. He said he understood. Lies. It must be lies, Merlin was a liar? She shivered, of course he was, he had hidden her magic before and lied about her leaving. How did he do that without being discovered? Ashamed of how he was born, that didn't make sense, he was just a simple peasant, nothing special unless she counted being defeated in the crypt, and Morgana refused to ever dwell on defeats. Oh, of course. The boy was bastard born, he wasn't just ashamed, he _was_ a walking mark of shame, perhaps he might just have tasted exclusion, hardly the same thing though. Yet he said magic was for good. Did the servant of Arthur, son of Uther, truly believe magic could be good? She wanted to. Didn't have to be like this? Like what exactly, how could things be different, it didn't make sense. Too many things. She glared at the bracelet around her risk, it protected her, she needed it desperately, but in moments like this she couldn't help but question if it was clouding her mind or preventing dreams she needed to See.

The word that tickled around the edges so terribly was none of these, it was 'We'. The dream she had blocked was one of so very many, that could have shown her exactly the meaning of that tiny two letter word. The one which would have shown her how completely _not_ alone she was, and how honestly he had spoken, for now she curled in on herself a sick feeling that she was missing something important spreading through her and the coldness that so often seemed to surround her now, without Morgause by her side.


	8. Chapter 8

The 'Rogue' was an adequate costume for now Regan decided. Appear to be the shallow, overly talkative drunk, and no one will suspect the deep dark secrets locked up tight, or the purposeful nature of one's journey. The Fool was perceived to be 'safer' than the loner, or the quiet traveller. The less intelligent one appeared, the less cunning the watchful would expect you to be, and they would not look for it. Really, he was living on borrowed time anyway, but he was satisfied that he had been of some use.

Raking through his rucksack he found the concealed bag of talismans and checked the number, to be certain none had gone missing, carelessness reduced life expectancy more than anything else. His veiled observer went unnoticed.

Hiding them well, he stuffed the bag under the bed-frame, and grabbed a coin from his belt pouch to use at the bar downstairs for his performance, half a dozen yarns to mind, barely a whit of them true. Later, feigning dragging his drunked arse upstairs he discovered he'd been allocated the other false drunk, presumably to contain the expected rowdiness or mess, inconvenient as both realised the other for what they were, and yet had to carry on the farce or gives themselves away. Two bawdy songs later, badly out of tune and time of course, the inn-keeper banged on their door yelling about keeping the noise down for respectable patrons, at which point the pair decided it was safe to 'sleep'. Regan desperately wanted to set a concealment charm on his cargo, but there was no way to know which fake-drunk was a magic refugee, and which was a spy or witch hunter. The risk just wasn't worth it.

Fortunately this one turned out to be harmless, and just as eager to _not_ be noticed as his room mate, though is irritated the sorcerer that the other's early departure necessitated his own delay, so it didn't appear that they were leaving together. Soon enough he would be close to the border, and there was guaranteed to be a cairn to mark it. On Cenred's if not in Camelot. He _wanted_ to get every road out of Camelot protected, but this one had been the Druids priority when the sheltered him. _Why_ wasn't important to him, and he had seen enough of the torturer's handiwork to know that it was best not to share anything non-essential now.

It took him almost until sundown to find the place he was looking for, but lower lighting was safer for his task anyway. He began to take the top couple of layers off, extremely carefully, until he deemed the talisman would be placed deep enough not to be noticed once it was covered.

Extracting his insignificant looking bag, Regan was horrified to find in the top of it, a folded note, heart pounding he opened it, breaking a blank seal of the cheapest candlewax, expecting to find a note of execution. His heart quailed when he was the symbol it was signed with, wondering if a witch hunter wouldn't have been safer.

Nameless it simply read "Be more careful. Use this on the road to Essetir. It is stronger." Underneath was the symbol of the Catha, and the mark of a priest. A single, circular slice of wood was enclosed, with runes he could not read engraved, and stained with what could only be blood. Presumably the blood of the man claiming the authority of a Catha priest. Gods, he could have died and never known, failed in his task.

Hesitating briefly, Regan concluded that the Catha had to be on the same side as the druids regarding protecting magic users, so he did as he was instructed by both, quite certain that the man would have either followed him, or scryed to ensure his directions were followed.

Placing both tokens in the cairn he very carefully began to rebuild the top couple of layers. Even if it was torn down it was unlikely they would be seen.

The next morning his work would continue, in an effort to hide those with least control.

Regan managed to protect every main road out Camelot, and two minor paths, traversed primarily by magic users, before being captured by Uther's men, and promptly scheduled for execution.

He never made it to the waiting pyre as sometime during the night an oddly familiar man, one he had not seen for many moons broke _in_ to the Camelot dungeons silently, quickly dispatching the guard left with him and entering the cell. "You did well in your appointed task."

The condemned prisoner nodded respectfully, "I have no regrets my Lord, and die with a clean conscience."

"You know why I am here then." The voice was disguised, and a hooded cloak sat around him.

Regan swallowed just once. "You are here, I hope, to give me mercy."

The man chuckled darkly. "Mercy? Yes, I suppose you could call it that. Uther believes us destroyed, we could not risk him being disabused of the notion, and I believe you earned a reward for protecting Destiny. May you be welcomed at Avalon's shores."

"Thank you." Whispered Regan. He was dead before his body hit the ground, head twisted at an unnatural angle.

At the sixth hour, as the drums began to pound, the guards came to collect the sorcerer for execution and instead found the body of their friend in a large pool of congealing blood, angrily turning to the prisoner who surely must have killed him, there was, inside a still locked cell the body of an accused sorcerer. No one liked to say ''convicted sorcerer' now, there didn't seem much point in a distinction. If someone called you a witch, you died. Quickly.

Camelot was a funny place. Sometimes just going through it's gates could change what a person remembered. Especially if any of those memories might arouse a certain… suspicion… about a person. Or what exactly might have been _meant_ by 'only magic can defeat magic'.

In later years, King Uther would stop travelling by common road and making visits to allied courts, something very strange happened on the journeys. Not only to him he knew, for there were several nobles who reached their own conclusions and simply refused to cross the borders any more. If one took certain routes, it suddenly became very difficult to accurately recall parts of the journey, or even staying in some places at all. Memories would seem..patchy...incomplete. As though tiny details had been rewritten, and perceived as what was _expected_ by different parties.

Magic was _all_ evil, obviously, but Uther disliked the cunning kind most of all. There was something just _wrong_ about changing what someone saw, or believed.

He ignored the whisper of conscience of _Gorlois' Wife._

Uther and his conscience had not been on speaking terms for a very long time.


	9. Chapter 9

The little Prince's nanny rocked him gently in her arms. How could he look so innocent and peaceful when his birth had brought such suffering and pain to her land, when his father had turned into such a monster? She had wanted to run from the citadel when she realised what the man's intent was, but remained for the prince, if she left, there was no knowing what would happen to him, and there were certainly enough people with even greater reason to seek vengeance on Uther. Many who would be willing to do so by targeting his son. It left her with a dilemma. She couldn't stay, however rarely she used her magic. Visibility within the royal household meant that they were effectively on a waiting list. There had to be a way to leave him with some protection when she left, whether by intention or by flames.

She was not unaware of the suspicious looks his wet nurse had begun giving her at times and believed her time to escape may be running out. Having looked after the child for the past seven months she was well aware of how poor a father Uther was. He rarely visited the nursery, had wholly unrealistic expectations, no tolerance for a babe's tears, calling it weakness, recoiled from the way Igraine's features were evident in their son's face. If the insanity being called The Purge continued, the only one with a chance of protecting the boy from magical attacks or accidents would be Gaius, and he was having to be careful not to be seen as _too involved_ with Arthur, despite being more father-like to him than the King ever had been. She didn't wish to protect him as an adult, as the consequences of his actions must be left to occur, but she wished him to have some measure as an exposed child. Having considered all of her options the woman had finally concluded that the best option for something that would be to enchant an item that belong to his mother and harness that bond, but most of those had been locked up, many that were deliberately suited to magical use destroyed. The prince had been left but a few. She needed something that was guaranteed not to be destroyed, that as he grew he would wish to keep near him.

It was late one night as she resettled the boy that the solution struck her, the hanging tapestry giving her the answer, the Queen's sigil. It would be kept, and of course the prince would keep it. The ring was designed to be worn, so was _likely_ to remain either on him or someone he loved, but was far too small for Uther, who wanted never to see reminders of his wife.

Nodding to herself the woman resolved to complete her task before the week was through. The only problem would be getting the required herbs- which was always seen as suspicious now- and of course stealing the Queen's sigil. Either of which could get her executed, but perhaps that was a risk worth taking, she felt the tiny fingers curl around her own as the prince smiled in his sleep. Rolling her eyes and laying him down in the cradle she settled herself on the small cot next to him, once more wondering what had possessed her to accept the job when the boy was thrust at her before the queens screams had stopped. A lack of choice she thought, and the summary execution of all the other ladies in waiting suspected of being in a position to influence the queen or outcome of the birth, she snorted. Igraine would be ashamed. Really it was a good thing that Uther showed such disinterest in his son, at least until he was old enough to understand the rejection. She slipped into sleep, waiting for the nightmares that plagued everyone these days to come. It made waking every couple of hours for a poor sleeper a mercy.

The next morning she found her way down to Gaius' chambers, now designated as physician's quarters. She quietly requested the herbs she needed, ignoring the suspicious look he gave her and the instructions to use it _very carefully_. If he didn't ask what she was making, and she gave the correct symptoms she needed them for, he could pretend ignorance. Not that any of them could be used for harm in that combination or he wouldn't have allowed her them. She was too closely observed to go out and source her own in the woods now and he knew it.

He still respected the Old Religion, even if he had betrayed it's followers.

That night she set wards on the nursery and her side room, and settled to her task of weaving a protection spell that would slowly lose effectiveness over the years, it took several hours to complete and left her more drained than she'd ever felt, having not done any major magic for many months. Finally it was done, and with the last of her strength she tidied away any signs of her activities.

It was ironic she thought, chained in Camelot's dungeon two weeks later, that she should have gone unnoticed so long in such proximity to the king and his son to be arrested days after leaving the post, for taking responsibility for _someone else's magic._ Not even her own. Her laugh was bitter. At least the boy had escaped punishment this time. Two boys saved in two weeks. And for that she was going to die. Surely madness had consumed her home. Years later those same two boys would one day stand against each other, the same woman having bought their lives until they were old enough to make a true choice.


	10. Chapter 10

Arthur turned away, scowling, and strode from the balcony, grim faced. Another dawn, yet another execution. He'd never understand why his father so often opted for the method of burning alive, it was an unnecessarily cruel method of execution and had never stopped turning his stomach since he'd first been made to watch as a child. He let the heavy doors swing closed behind him and hoped they would help muffle the poor girl's piercing screams. It worked briefly, until they began to increase in intensity again, growing clearer as he stalked towards his chambers, but there was a difference in timbre. Something was wrong, very wrong. That was definitely a different voice, though the agony was undisguised. His hand automatically went to his sword hilt as he realised the tortured sound was emanating from _his_ chambers. He stilled behind the door as he realised that he recognised the voice, that was _Merlin's_ voice, how dare anyone hurt _his_ Merlin? Why? Arthur growled and opened the door.

He was wholly unprepared for the scene that confronted him. There were no assailants, no weapons. No one was visibly hurting him at all, yet there he lay, in the middle of the room, back arching, and every muscle tensed. There was blood trickling from his temple. Gasping in horror Arthur slammed the door behind him, hoping no one else would investigate, and crossed the floor swiftly, grabbing a pillow from his bed. He knelt down beside his servant, stuffing the pillow under his head and stroked sweat soaked hair back from his face. Arthur didn't know whether Merlin was conscious or not but he seemed not to recognise anything, the desperation in his screaming seemed to ease a little though. He began mumbling in between, gasping for breath and muttering something about druids and not knowing, and sorry. He opened his eyes just long enough for Arthur to see the anguish, "She's in my mind. Burning with them." he gasped, before his eyes rolled backwards and he went into a convulsion. Arthur held him, feeling utterly helpless. He couldn't move Merlin, nor leave him alone, and calling for help right now would be risky even if there _was_ anyone. When Merlin stilled, what seemed like hours later his eyes flew open and Arthur could see the vivid gold whirling in them, every candle in the room lit, fire sprung up in the hearth, and the shelves rattled. A chilling scream tore from his already raw throat and suddenly it was over. The room stopped shaking, the candles went out, and Merlin's body went completely limp in Arthur's arms. The Prince was shaken to the core by what he had witnessed. He didn't want to think about what Merlin had said, or the golden eyes, or...Well, any of it. When he was sure that it was over Arthur stood, lifting his servant and cradling him like a child or a maiden, and headed for Gaius quarters as fast as he safely could, avoiding all common stairwells. He didn't bother knocking, it was Merlin's home anyway. Yelling for the physician he took Merlin to his own bed rather than the main room. He was paler than Arthur had ever seen him, and the boy was ghostlike even on a good day. He covered Merlin with the blanket. Inadequate, he thought, resolving to replace what appeared to him to be little more than a threadbare rag. He pushed the boy's magic to the back of his mind as it tried to surface.

"Hold on Merlin, not long, he'll get here soon." At least Arthur _hoped_ he would. The man seemed to stir, curling in on himself and groaning, a sound which became a sob. Arthur stared awkwardly, he could deal with pain, but emotions were different, and he had no idea how to soothe someone who was crying. No one else was present though so he _had_ to do _something._ Arthur moved so that he was on Merlin's other side and in his line of sight. He placed a hand on his shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting way. "It's okay. You're safe now, in your own bed. I didn't see anything _unusual,_ but am assigning you a day off to recover. You were taken ill unexpectedly and I am sure will need quarantined." Arthur spoke gently to his manservant, willing him to understand, and as the bloodshot, deep blue eyes opened and fixed on his own, the Prince knew that he had. He nodded stiffly. "Thank you Sire. I was...I was unprepared today. It won't happen again." There was a brokenness to his whisper that betrayed the lie, and Arthur's heart constricted. He didn't tell Merlin to sleep. He knew that terror could follow a man into his dreams and be its own torture. Instead he sat silently with his manservant and waited for Gaius' return. At some point Merlin must have given in to sleep, because when he turned to say goodbye Arthur found that his breathing had settled into a gentle rhythm and though his face was tear streaked and lips swollen from bites, his eyes were closed. Arthur left Merlin and almost closed his door, grabbing Gaius. He studied the court physician's guarded expression intently. How much did Gaius know, was he too close to Uther to trust or did he know about his ward? He had to risk it, Merlin needed care. He let go and schooled his own features. "Gaius, Merlin was taken ill in my chambers earlier and is relieved of duty until you clear him for work. He was _extremely_ distressed and suffered a seizure before the worst was over, I brought him here to recover and you will find him asleep on his cot." He paused, lowering his voice "Gaius, I don't ever want to see him in this city for another burning again. Is that understood? I don't care how you get him out or what you tell me, just give him as much distance as possible. And if anything _odd_ happens with _My_ manservant you come to _me_. Not Uther. Ever." The Prince glared at the old man with all the arrogance and authority he could muster, jaw set and eyes burning into him. Apparently Merlin's guardian knew something as he bowed low and looked both relieved and more anxious than Arthur might have expected. "Of course Sire. Thank you for your care of him." Arthur knew he meant more than just sitting with him today and nodded, satisfied. "If Merlin asks when he wakes I am surly about him leaving me with boring George, and will be impatiently waiting for him to finish my half washed floor." Watching as the Prince disappeared, not quite slamming the door behind him, Gaius pondered his response. He wouldn't, couldn't ask what had really happened, though he had a fair idea. Whatever he had thought the Prince might have reacted with this wasn't it. Apparently Merlin had found an ally in Arthur, whether or not he knew it yet.

If Arthur was harder on the Knights over the next few days they put it down to irritation and his manservant being ill _again._ Not noticing that the only two who barely limped conscious off the field were the pair to have delivered another rogue druid girl to the King three days past.

The next time someone was burned at the stake Leon was careful not to comment on Prince Arthur's decision to go on an extended hunting trip with only his manservant the night before. Making it very carefully _not_ his business, as he had done with every other anomaly since Merlin first drank poison for Camelot's Prince.


	11. Chapter 11

Uther pendragon might be a brutal tyrant with a stone cold heart, but he wasn't stupid.

Long before his festering resentment of those with magical powers had turned into active hatred he had encouraged a rivalry between the sorcerers who claimed allegiance to him, similar to that between knights. It helped him to gauge their strengths and weaknesses in battle, and their temperament under pressure. He could observe their fancy tricks in duels, and what would work in a pitch battle, decide _where_ to place them in his defence or offensives, and which pairings were most dangerous.

He may not _Have_ Magic, but he could certainly _wield_ it.

So many leaders failed to understand the value of knowing how to wield _People…_ and seeing their fickleness. He knew when his Queen died by magic what his course was. There were many who even agreed with sentencing the Court Sorceress to death. Nimue understood the old laws, and his law. It was doubtful she wished to kill _Igraine,_ so Uther felt justified in assuming it was intended to kill _him_ and usurp control with the boy-king. Treason then even if the Queen had lived.

Uther knew that killing _her_ would never be enough. She had acolytes. Another would rise in her place, and another.

He enacted the ban on _practising_ magic first, but he needed to be sure it would be enforced. Magic had been commonplace, possessed by many people and with no reason to hide it, their identities were well known. All those that had practiced it were made to swear on the old religion to never again use magic, on pain of execution, that he decided mere days later that was not secure enough as they all had magical contacts outside his borders- thus his control- led to a mass burning not seen since the days of Cornelius Sigan. It came too late for him to contain Nimue, who had already escaped to the Isle of the Blessed. Perhaps she had known him better than he knew himself, or at least his strategy.

One man's oath was different.

Gaius was the closest thing to a good sorcerer that Uther knew, and had been Nimue's main rival in court. Not for raw power, for she easily surpassed any others in that, but in knowledge, and skill.

The ex-sorcerer could be dangerous. He knew how the Prince was born. He knew that the Queen was barren. He knew exactly how Uther had conquered Camelot; and Uther pendragon ensured that the man knew _nothing_ of the king's vision for a world without magic.

Gaius' oath by the old religion was different, it bound him not to cease practising magic, on pain of death, but instead to silence with the same severity. Uther was well aware that magic was only defeated by other magic. He did not want to be helpless to outside forces, he wanted to make sure he had complete _control_ over the magic that was inescapable for now...it was a temporary situation after all. It was unfortunate he'd eventually have to kill Gaius, but he would save him for the last. When his vision was complete.

Gaius reactions were quite useful for determining who might pose a threat really, and he and Nimue had something of a history. Uther had wanted to be certain that the pair would not unite to pose a threat to him so had fostered ill-feeling and encouraged division between them. Gaius was never particularly keen to lead, being more of a scholar, but he was capable enough in a battle situation to be a consideration, and had some influence among the nobility and magical community then, but Nimue was a leader to the bone. With the support of the priestesses, and Gaius associates at her back, Uther could not hope to win.

A short time later he tightened the laws further to include possession of any magical artifacts or items that may be used in rituals, claiming that the executions had been insufficient to protect his people, citing known curses. No books, plants, charms, or anything esoteric.

He needed to ensure that the changes lasted and were not just superficial.

The chain of learning had to be severed.

It was a 'hard' stance to take, but the people accepted it surprisingly quickly, even using the law on more than one occasion to frame someone they could not prove the guilt of for another crime. Women especially.

He was so fed up of listening to it eventually that he implemented his further reforms sooner than intended. Now you didn't have to practise magic to die, only be seen proven a sympathiser.

It was a tidy solution for malicious accusations and saved him listening to whiny peasants with too much time on their hands.

The change proved effective, as he issued licenses to actively hunt witches for payment, the general peasants falling under suspicion if they made serial reports, no reward was given for that, survival of meeting king Uther was plenty after all.

He didn't care about the _numbers_ , carried no guilt for his chosen mission, it wasn't as though he was burning _people_ after all, only sorcerers and unnatural abominations, you just had to organise more firewood for bigger groups.


	12. Chapter 12

**Since the last one was apparently disturbing, have a light hearted** **one.**

The problem with almanacs, thought Merlin, was that they never came with the warnings written _before_ the actual spell.

Honestly, what was the point in adding at the end of a page lines like

'Never attempt to perform this naked', or

'Should not be attempted on an empty stomach',

'Extremely potent, lasts up to three days.'

'Only use in direst need.'

'Never consume alcohol before attempting magic.'

'May have side effect of glowing skin.'

These were the sorts of warnings that should be in big, bold letters written at the _top_ of the page, not scrawled hastily and with shame in the bottom corner, he made sure that all of _his_ complications went at the _top_.

This one would have to wait, as without opposable thumbs, holding a quill was going to be extremely difficult, and having accidentally turned himself into a cat, focusing and thinking as a _human_ was extremely difficult. Merlin had endured a great deal of humiliation over the last year but none of his spell-related catastrophes had been quite so literal, and he could just imagine Gaius's upcoming lecture about being irresponsible enough to accidentally perform shapeshifting magic while just _slightly_ intoxicated. The dragon would laugh himself sick if he saw Merlin in this state, and he just _knew_ he was going to have to visit, as there was no way to _talk_ to Gaius to explain. Hopefully the whole 'sides of the coin' shit would be important enough to help him turn back. His cat-eyes weren't allowing him to read the magic book the same way as when he was human either, so that was no use.

He was late for work again. Maybe Arthur would have a brighter day, it did happen occasionally, and recognise him. It was worth a try at least, and would keep him out from underfoot of Gaius.

His co-ordination was better in cat form he realised as he raced up the stairs, though the way spiders and candles flickering triggered some mad instinct in him to _chase, catch, consume_ was a little unsettling.

When he arrived at Arthurs door he was horrified to realise that when he left the night before he had left it unlocked, maybe he'd had more wine than he thought? It solved the problem of opposable thumbs though as he was able to squeeze through the smallest of cracks into the Prince's room. Unfortunately the same was not true of the heavy drapes, No one could sleep with those open, and in cat form he'd never be able to feed Arthur a stupid line about _how_ those magically opened without magic.

Nothing for it he realised, he'd have to just embrace the cat method.

The sigh sounded like a hiss, making him wonder about purring, or meowing.

In the end he settled on leaping onto the Prince's bed and prancing all over it, which was ineffective, he couldn't bring himself to lick Arthur's hands, and knew the sword calluses were so thick that most of it had very little feeling left for light things anyway. Trying to remember what the kitchen maids had said about their mousers he decided there was nothing for it. He scrambled onto Arthur's chest and began to paw at and knead it, adding claws for effect, seeing it start to work he butted at the prince's face, licking his nose, gods humans were irritating- wait, no, _he_ was a human damn it. He just needed help to turn back. "Mer _lin_ ," the still sleepy blonde grumbled as he opened his eyes to blue ones staring expectantly at him. If asked Arthur would forever deny shrieking, and Merlin would never believe it. Because otherwise, it would have to be called screaming like a girl.

" _Merlin!"_ Good, he recognised the slightly scruffy looking black fur and blue eyes in feline form. "Merlin! Why is there a cat in my room? Did you...did you get a bloody _cat_ and let it into _my room?!"_

Ah. Maybe not then, as the outraged prince looked around rather frantically for his manservant, who apparently was _not here_ while an unknown, possibly sorcerous cat _was_. Oh gods, he'd have to hide it from the knights, Leon had been talking about needing a cat to hunt down the rodents plaguing the knights wing. Arthur was certain it was an excuse. Merlin had turned him soft. Soft and fluffy, and in favour of soft fluffy things, especially scruffy looking, sad-eyed ones.

"Oh fine, you can come with me while I search for the skiving idiot. Search for a servant I ask you, they are supposed to _do_ work not _make it._ "

Arthur dressed himself quickly, prompting an involuntary hiss from cat-Merlin. "Who are _you_ glaring at, furball?"

Cat-Merlin saw the rat easily, and was tempted to kill it, but _just_ annoyed enough at the royal prat to restrain himself and hope it got into something Arthur _liked_ today.

"Well, you can come, or I can shut you in, what's it to be furball?"

Freedom, thought Merlin, always freedom. Unsurprisingly, when they got to his quarters Merlin was _not_ there, or in bed, when Arthur stormed up to yell at him, determinedly looking away from the open magic book on the bed that Merlin in his cat form had been unable to hide. Stupid, idiot sorcerer, oh he was going to pay for this attempt at being arrested. Arthur didn't even have to exaggerate the anger as he shoved the clothes discarded on the floor on top of it stroppily.

"What on earth has he done _this time_ to avoid work." He muttered, and a reply of "Nothing you arrogant prat." was lost in translation, but if a cat could have an attitude problem thought Arthur… He turned around slowly and looked at the creature as it stretched and flicked it's ridiculous ears. "Nooo, oh for god's sake Merlin, what did you- no, you know what, I don't want to know, ever, you are sooo going to pay for this if you turn up as a human again." He glared at the black cat who had apparently replaced his manservant for now. "I have- Forget it, I'm going to train, if you can understand we'll deal with this… whatever this is later, and if you are _very_ lucky my father will never know members of my household are turning into animals without warning. If you stay stuck this way, I'm giving you to the knights as a mouser, let that spur you to a quick solution."

He stormed out of the room. Loudly.

Training was violent as usual, with more yelling than was expected, but Arthur was always unreasonable when Merlin went missing so none of them complained. Everyone knew that mentioning how merlin affected Arthur's mood was an unwise decision.

At least outside of the knights quarters.

Without the Merlin- buffer no-one mentioned the cat stalking the Prince either. Very little about predators slipped past the Prince unless it involved magic, so there must be a reason. Leon almost asked if it was available, knowing Arthur was a hunting- dog person, but figured it would be better to wait for the Merlin sulk to be over if he wanted a favourable answer.

Morgana realised what had happened when she saw the creature being called an idiot as it wove in and out of Arthur's legs, almost tripping the usual graceful prince of Camelot.

Instincts were really very hard to resist.

Mercifully she said nothing at the evening meal, where Arthur was forced to endure boring George, knowing he'd need him for the night, that was probably enough to amuse his twisted sister, she knew how he despised being attended by boring George, however much he might vaunt his skill over Merlin's.

Aware that Uther would _not_ be understanding of a stray cat at dinner, Arthur finally got rid of his infuriating not-a-manservant, and Merlin got rid of his not-being-helpful master. There was nothing for it, he'd have to visit the dragon and _hope_ they could communicate.

Kilgarrah lasted all of ten seconds as a woeful looking black cat strolled into the cave before his booming laughter filled the cave, and didn't stop for fully five minutes. "Oh my, what _have_ you done this time young warlock? I assume it wasn't intentional, and too obscure to be an attack. The cat in him growled. The human sighed, this was _exactly_ why he was loathe to come down in the first place. " _Fine, laugh, I deserve it, but_ please, please _help me turn back. I can't help_ anyone _like this. You, or Albion, or my stupid destiny upstairs, and I_ really _don't want to eat any more spiders or moths, they are just- ew."_ The dragon laughed harder. "I don't think that's going to be a problem, it should wear off in the next day or so without any interference, but _thank you_ for showing me this, I had been wondering what had happened." Merlin dropped his head to his paws and lay down with a forlorn miaow. "Oh, it's not so bad. After all, you could have been a rat."

Merlin growled, but the dragon was right. Arthur would _not_ have tolerated being woken by a black rat.

He left the cave relieved but wishing the dragon had more precision in his assurance it wouldn't last.

Cat-Merlin snuck in past George and curled up in front of the fire. The efficient manservant was horrified to see it and immediately went to shoo it away, Arthur having to smother his own amusement when cat-merlin reacted badly, arching his back and hissing at the man doing _his_ job, oh he was ready to scratch the dull servant used to punish him.

"Ahm, George, let the furball stay, who knows, he might even _finally_ catch the rat that's been getting in here." Merlin-cat growled, "Oh shut up, idiot."

George startled and looked closer at the cat, Arthur only ever said _that_ to Merlin. Was it possible, he wondered, before cutting off that line of thought, if it was magic he did _not_ want to know. Or see. Or suspect. Or hear guttural muttering from any particular direction. Nope. Not him. He knew he wasn't Arthur's manservant, only a place-holder, given how many times visitors had tried to kill Merlin he was alright with that. It was probably safer not to be so close to a king, even if the pay was a little better.

"Goodnight Sire." George bowed and left, silently shaking his head in wonder.

Merlin purred. "Yes, he's gone, _now_ will you stop that stupid posturing and either go to sleep there or here, there's nothing on your scrawny bones as a man, let alone like, well I'd say cat but really, you are a shameful example to their kind." Merlin meowed quietly and silently padded over to the bed, jumping up and curling into a ball next to his exasperated master. When he woke just before dawn it was due to the extreme cold as the insulating fur had disappeared leaving him human, naked, in the prince of Camelot's bed. His flailing at the realisation disturbed Arthur just enough to wake him, and opening his eyes long before he should be required to Arthur found a stark naked manservant staring in horror at him, rather than shrieking this time he managed to simply roll his eyes and shove the idiot out of his bed. "Go on then, take a nightshirt and go fix whatever it is you need to fix, and make sure you bring me breakfast on time, today you are going to be _very, very busy._ If you ever do it again I _swear_ I'll give you to Leon for whatever purposes he has planned for you."

Merlin didn't waste time, scrambling to his feet to find clothes, any clothes in the chest. It's not like they hadn't seen everything before on quests and such, but it was _really cold_ and Merlin's mind was still a little addled from switching back to human quite suddenly.

He was distracted enough as he dashed from the room that he didn't see the maids on his way, or notice that they definitely _did_ see him, rushing half-naked from the Prince's bed-chambers not long before he was due to begin work. A fact that would come back to haunt them both later, when Arthur would lament his sleep fogged choices, and insult gossips extensively.

In his haste Merlin managed to knock over a chair as he entered the physicians quarters. Gaius, accustomed to waking at very little prompting due to years as a physician, came out of his room, and seeing Merlin glowered. "I'd ask where you've been, but it appears quite evident. Should I ask about the Prince's rumoured new attachment to 'furball'?"

Merlin shook his head, running fingers through his hair, "Oh gods, please, please don't. Just know that my lesson has been thoroughly learned on this point. I'll never do it again."

"I very much doubt that. You can choose between the extended lecture when I've slept a little more, or cleaning the leech tank."

Merlin considered for a minute before groaning, "Ugh, leech tank this time. At least they can't laugh at me."

"No. Oh well, good luck today Merlin, I think you're going to need it." He was almost sure the old man smirked as he went back into his bedchamber. Merlin washed his face and slumped back on the bed, searching for the book and ink quill, and scribbling a quick note at the _top_ of the page:

"Effects last 24 hours. Warning. Clothes do not transform. Lack of grip inconvenient. Use with extreme care."


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur stared at the red wine in his goblet and hurled it in frustration into the hearth.

He'd been pacing for over an hour now and was no closer to an answer, the emotions of the last few days leaving him both exhausted and completely unable to sleep.

The patrol had, for the most part, been an extremely boring one, not even any bandits, until the last day, Merlin had a _funny feeling_ , Arthur of course had laughed at him for being a wuss, before raising his awareness because his servant might as well have said 'something is going to attack us'. He'd managed to kill the beast, but not before it managed to scratch Merlin. The poison had spread fast, too fast for them to stop, and by the time they reached Camelot his Merlin was unconscious. Nothing Gaius had done had been able to slow the poison ravaging his body, and the king had stormed into the physicians chambers in a rage when he realised why his son was absent. He was entirely too attached to the serving boy. Arthur had resigned himself to pacifying his father in order to distract him from directing that anger towards Merlin when he awoke, _i_ _f_ he awoke, meaning he had left for the shortest possible time it took to eat with his Father, and attend a council meeting.  
Returning afterwards to Merlin's bedside as soon as he wouldn't be accused of neglecting his duties again; then finally late last night the stupid idiot had taken his last breath. Only it wasn't his _last_ , discounting the fact that it very definitely _was._ Arthur had broken then in a way he hadn't done since the first time he killed a man, even crying over his friend's body. He knew what death looked like, what the death rattle _sounded_ like, and Merlin had lain still for a good twenty minutes.

When he was able to tear his eyes away he'd seen that Gaius looked almost as bad as Merlin had. His manservant- his _friend_ had _died_ , that much Arthur was sure of. What he didn't understand was what happened next.

Arthur had been frozen numb as he sat by the bed. He hadn't really given thought to a time when Merlin might not be there. 'Without Merlin' was a concept his mind rejected as instinctively as openly crying in front of Uther, or declaring his undying love for Morgana by terrible sonnets. There had been no expectation of Merlin ever _not_ being at his side, permeating his life the same way he had done since he became Arthur's, almost as though the prince had unconsciously assumed that he would always be present in such a personal capacity.

He didn't know himself exactly why he hadn't left when Merlin stopped breathing, why he hadn't left the man's guardian with the body. Really he should have, if not because of the medical requirements, because they man lying dead was like a son to the court physician. The closest thing to family he had ever had, but he couldn't move, it would mean admitting everything _Merlin_ was over, he was just _gone_.  
Then as he watched, Merlin's heart had begun to beat again, slowly at first but steady, in a stable rhythm. Gaius, lost in his own grief, didn't notice it until Merlin took a deep breath, and another, colour returning to him painfully slowly, but returning nonetheless to a man who should be long beyond skin colour and circulation being a concern.

The old man had been unable to mask his shock, and his relief, but he showed no doubt about it truly being the real Merlin, rather than a trick, which was a problem in itself.

He's tried to convince the prince that Merlin hadn't _actually_ died, must have been only deeply unconscious, or suffering from a decelerated heart-rate. They both knew he hadn't believed that crap, a battle hardened warrior, and a physician with decades of experience recognised death when they saw it, and they had seen it in _Merlin_.

Now Arthur knew extremely little about magic, but he _did_ know that normal men did not rise from the dead without its influence, and until today Camelot's prince had had his manservant down as pretty ordinary; weird certainly, but not _immortal_. Judging by Gaius open weeping, neither had he expected a return of his ward from this, which made it so much harder. How could he separate them now? Even mercifully? If exile was mercy.

He wished that tonight he could be just another knight, not the one responsible for making such choices, because his gut told him to trust Merlin, and his _head_ told him something suspicious and potentially sinister was at work. He doubted he'd find the answer pacing alone in his chambers either way.

Ignoring the fact he was not fully dressed any more, Arthur accepted that he was not going to get the clarity he needed without speaking to the ex-corpse of his friend, and the possibly traitorous physician who loved him like a son. No-one stopped or questioned him, initially he assumed, because of his expression, and as he neared the tower rooms, because they were accustomed to seeing a sulky prince storming towards Merlin.

His manservant had briefly roused, groaning and turning over, apparently his revival hadn't come with the elimination of pain. Prince Arthur paused at the door, raising his hand to knock and stopping himself as he heard low voices. "I'm sorry Gaius for not telling you, I hoped I was wrong, that I just hadn't been as badly injured as I thought. Then there were too many cases to explain, and I started to wonder if… I wanted it not to be true. I guess, if no one else _saw_ it, maybe I could just have been imagining it."

There was something he couldn't hear. "My dear boy, I'm so sorry I didn't see it before. The word 'Emrys', it holds that meaning, and I hadn't thought it was literal, you always had so many accidents, things I had to treat and patch up." Arthur hadn't known that, and felt a twinge of shame for overlooking the injuries of a man who was under his command, knight or not, he bore a responsibility to them.

"I'm gone longer if there are problems. Blood loss takes longest to _recover_ from."

"How many times Merlin?" There was the sound of fabric shifting. Maybe blankets? He couldn't be up to walking around yet surely.

The reply was almost too low to hear, "Too many Gaius. I think- I mean, I got careless for a bit, I wanted to know the truth, needed to find out, and I didn't want to ask because there was only one person that I _could_ ask and we- well we weren't exactly on friendly terms back then."  
"You could have spoken to _me_ Merlin."

A harsh chuckle, "You wouldn't have known, or had answers, and you can't _change it_. The only way to test it would be the way I used anyway. Don't you dare start treating me differently though Gaius. Nothing is different, you just saw me _sooner_ this time. I'm exactly the same. Maybe a new scar from the day."  
Sadness leaked from his mentor's voice as he answered, "You have far too many of those already my boy. Promise me you'll be more careful."

Silence.

He could almost _see_ Merlin running a hand through his hair, "It's a bit late for that from what you said. Do you think he'll tell Uther?"

The resignation in that question made some part of Arthur shiver, "I don't know, Merlin. He will try to do what he believes is right."

"Great, that's _very reassuring."_ Sarcasm. Good, thought Arthur, if he was being sarcastic then Merlin couldn't be too badly damaged. Reserved Merlin was always a bad sign. Polite Merlin was worse.

"Fine, the king hasn't charged in here and hauled you in shackles from your bed so I think it's safe to say he's at least _considering_ his course rather than reacting without thought. What that will lead him to I cannot say."  
There was a shuddering gasp, sob maybe? That couldn't be right, Merlin didn't _sob_ , didn't _break._

"I didn't want it to be like this, I didn't want to scare him, or be some kind of- of _freak_. No-one else has to live like this Gaius, die, and then come back and _keep_ living, I don't even have a choice in _that_. How can it be fair that destiny even gets to decide when I'm allowed to fucking _die."_

Arthur was frozen in shock, it sounded as if his manservant- his _Merlin_ _wanted_ to die, or had at least _tried_ to before.

It was the gut wrenching horror of that thought, that not only had Merlin _felt_ that, but had clearly _acted_ to cause harm to himself that forced him to realise that it didn't matter whether it was magic that gave Merlin back to him. He wouldn't be handing Merlin in to Uther, it wasn't a full answer, or satisfactory, but it was a start, and he could at least rest now, having reached the conclusion that he was not going to lose his friend, either to illness or execution.

Illegal or not - and it definitely _was_ illegal- he was going to hide this anomaly, lie to anyone who asked. Gaius did have a history of last minute solutions that ought to be impossible; to question this time would call into question too many others- other occasions that _were_ beginning to niggle and bother him, but now was not the time. Those questions could wait for tomorrow, when he had slept, and could think further than the decision to not expose his manservant, though from what he had overheard, there was no guarantee executing Merlin would work even if the very thought didn't make him feel ill.

He needed someone to speak to about it, but his usual options were Uther, who was out of the question, Merlin, who was the problem posed in the first place, and until recently Morgana, but he already knew her views on magic and there had been an obvious tension between her and his manservant for some time now. It would have to be done extremely carefully, but perhaps Leon might be able to offer some wisdom and insight, if he could enquire carefully and vaguely enough. The risks needed to be evaluated, and he intended to grill Merlin for answers when he was less ghostly looking. Ultimately the decisions would always rest on his shoulders, he supposed this was just one way of him beginning to take on a greater responsibility for those choices. Merlin couldn't help this time, but Arthur had no intention of casting him away for this _condition_ , and he was likely to need someone in future to help cover for him, in case of witnessed wounds or inexplicable recovery. Arthur was aware that Leon considered the man a younger brother, and knew precisely how different the prince was now to a few years ago, and how much was down to Merlin's presence. Most of the guard would be loyal to the king, with his habit of executing anyone for the most minor infractions, but Leon, and some of the knights were loyal to _Arthur_ above all others. Faced with such a problem, the prince was also forced to realise how few trusted people there were around him suitable or sensible to take on as his future advisors or councillors. That would require addressing.

Realising his feet had automatically carried him back to his chambers he entered and poured himself a generous cup of wine, sure this time of its use as an effective relaxant, the urge to destroy and burn things having subsided for now. Downing it and slamming the goblet down he didn't feel the need to throw the empty vessel this time, struck by the thought he'd have to stop throwing things at Merlin, since clearly the stupid idiot wasn't informing him of serious injuries despite whining about the tiniest cuts. Was that part of a cover too, he wondered. He wanted to reject it, but there were too many puzzles and the combination of strong wine and lack of sleep were finally beginning to take effect properly.

Falling into bed Arthur _hoped_ for once to see boring George wake him, because if he didn't, it would confirm that Merlin had come in and worked before after enduring the same thing, in pain and seriously injured, and Arthur hadn't ever suspected. How often had he been hiding, and what scars was Gaius talking about?  
If he asked, would _Merlin_ tell him, if he wouldn't, Arthur wasn't sure he wanted to hear it from anyone else. It would mean he'd told _them_ first, and then Arthur might have to kill them. He didn't want to upset his Merlin, and he no longer had any doubt that Merlin _was his_ , immortal or not. He'd figure it out in the morning, then work out exactly how he was going to _not_ tell Uther the truth, as many times as he had to.


	14. Chapter 14

Oh my _gods_ , not again. The king hears a whisper of a rumour about a magical artefact and decides to send _us_ out to 'retrieve' it. This should be included in the training _before_ we swear fealty. We're knights, completely _unmagical_ knights, with no sensitivity to magical traps.

You'd think he'd at least make sure it was real before sending people after something!

OK. So it seems that this time Gaius has confirmed the existence of an item matching the description. I honestly don't know whether that is reassuring, or a reason to stage my own death while there's still a chance of it being a _fake_ death.

One way or another every knight is on borrowed time, if we are reluctant to go on these stupid quests for things we don't understand the purpose of, he'll have us executed as magic-sympathisers, and if we aren't picked off by bandits or a sorceress with a personal feud, then the magical artefact is either surrounded by monsters, or protected by enchantments. Last week Sirs Tristan and Boden returned covered in painful, unsightly boils, and were _happy_. The week before Sir Adrian returned in far greater distress after obtaining a sacred flute, without unsightly boils and also without his- ahem- _personal_ _flute._ His Lady is reportedly very displeased.

Even the king winced hearing that one, he blames magic of course. Oops, _evil_ magic I mean, Sir Adrian is trying to decide whether it is more dangerous to continue daily with his wife's wrath, or steal the sacred flute to return it and risk Uther's pyres. Having met the Lady Adrian I suggested the pyres might be a gentler way to go than at his wife's frustrated hands.

I don't know how he thinks that our vaults are _safer_ to keep them in than the hidden places that require actual _quests_ to collect them, I mean, one was guarded by a _kraken_ , an honest to gods _kraken_. That seemed to him far more of a deterrent than city walls. The jewel was, of course, protected by another curse. Only one knight survived _that_ quest, but he seems quite relieved to be offered the chance to retire with only a missing sword arm; a kindly old crone- no _of course_ she wasn't a sorceress, don't be ridiculous- living in a nearby hovel prevented him from bleeding out and salvaged what she could.

I don't mind the mildly irritating ones, I mean, the month of the itchy feet when we got the dancing shoes of a particular sorceress only really made us slightly short tempered (don't question the king's life choices, it's bad for your health).

That time with the magic mirror though, bloody hell, the women of Camelot were all crazy! I considered smashing it myself, but somehow I doubt that the consequences for that would be as kind as seven years bad luck. I think one of the guards might have _lost_ it as the effects have dimmed somewhat. Whoever it is has my undying gratitude. It's probably not a good idea to suggest undying anything around here, that sounds like a curse just waiting to happen.

I miss things making sense.

So it seems that there may be a genuine reason this time that preventing Nimue and her cohort from harnessing this particular one is of significance.

Gaius spoke of a crystal, cut from some kind of special cave, not recommended even by magic users- oh, EX-magic users of course- for any but the strongest witches, or Seers of natural ability. Something about causing visions of the future and increasing their intensity, coupled with a powerful draw towards those who _can_ use them safely. That sounds like a potentially addictive thing, and a cruel one. It's just as well none remain here that it could call to. It's not on the Isle of the Blessed at least. Every patrol that has approached there so far has been obliterated. It's the Witches stronghold.

This 'crystal of Neathid' is alleged to be in the unguarded horde of a slain dragon. A dragon is a good choice of guardian for most things really, so at least there are likely to be fewer weird beasts to fight on the way in. That's a plus on any quest.

It's supposed to require years of exposure and practice to master the crystal. I don't like how similar that sounds to what my sons have begun with sword and bow, like something a Master would train a squire up in. Leon is a good lad, a natural with the sword, and a born protector, but the expectations placed on him are not the same that my own father put on me.

I don't expect to see him reach his own knighthood ceremony, the life of a knight is short and brutal now, not what I want for my son, but it's much shorter and harsher if you refuse commands, however irrational.

The crystal, if we do manage to retrieve it alive, will go in the deepest part of the vault, no one but those of us being sent are to know of its existence or presence, and Gaius of course.

Storing so many possible weapons together seemed irresponsible, but then he was only a knight, what did he know of politics and strategy outside of battle? It was only one relic among hundreds that already lay under the citadel, it would be fine. Such a crystal might even be one of the few things safer here, given the lack of anyone who could possibly use it, or misuse. It couldn't possibly draw anyone in or corrupt them with no one around with magic. He disagreed with the king's actions, but his son and wife were the price for saying that, so like many others, he sacrificed his own integrity for their lives hoping _his_ obedience would cover any slip-ups a child might make.

As was now expected not everyone returned from their quest, but the crystal of Neathid was secured. If they had known just a little more about such things, or had a Court Sorceress still they'd have known to _shield it_ , contain the field of power. No-one recognised the nightmares of the little girl who joined the royal household a year later or made any such connections, the men who had retrieved it dead by then.

In their absence only the Great dragon, who wished to destroy it for the pain humans brought each other by abusing it, and a young witch it tortured could sense the crystal's presence. Camelot's king had long ago lost track of the items he had stolen and collected and made a habit of ignoring sensible advice anyway, even if anyone had survived to offer it.

Underneath Camelot there lay a cave of wonders, and a pit of horrors to rival hades itself, and one never knew which they were touching until it was done, and the power unleashed.


	15. Chapter 15

Uther growled, glowering at the council.

Today however, no one flinched. You see it's very hard to be intimidating, even as a psychotic king when you sparkle with every movement.

Really Merlin had only been concentrating on stopping Uther from swinging as he moved towards Morgana, while the other part of his mind was panicking at the lack of warning. Why his magic had decided that _glitter_ was the best way to achieve this he didn't really want to think too deeply about, but it had certainly been very effective as a method of immediate distraction and Uther had instantly forgotten what it was he was screaming at her about.

Obviously half a breath later this had been replaced with yells of 'SORCERY!' and 'Search the castle'.

Merlin would almost be glad if they _did_ find a massive stash of cunningly hidden glitter under his bed, because at least then he'd know where the stuff _came_ from. Gwen was delighted about the whole thing, shimmering with a delicate purple glimmer. If it wasn't for the fact that he was one of the servants who would inevitably be required to clean up after this type of event, Merlin would have considered trying to do it intentionally in future, as it made tracking people much, _much_ easier when they were shedding glitter. As it was, the castle _children_ had been allocated the job of trying to contain the situation instead.

Having _been_ a child who liked to pull pranks, Merlin thought this was a _terrible_ idea.

He was not, however, stupid enough to say so, as any man with body hair should eschew glitter wherever possible.

Merlin and Arthur had been swiftly left alone in the throne room as no one wanted to remain in Uther's vicinity at such times, and the king himself had left, yelling various epithets as black glitter left a trail in his wake.

Morgana remained long enough that the lesser men had left and she had tempered the anger burning in her gut. Anger was ok, she could handle that, but the woman who challenged older men in the council chamber and court would not admit fear while she still breathed. Not in from of _him_ , and not in front of the men who viewed her as little more than _meat_.

The look of appalled horror on Uther's face when he realised that the newly sparkling rainbow on the walls was from _him_ was one she would treasure forever.

That the sparkles had spread to the rest of them didn't trouble her in the slightest, really, she knew plenty of the court women would pay good silver for this as make up. Her own were a rich forest-green, and she wondered if it was a coincidental quirk of whatever magic this was, or whether they matched her dress intentionally.

Either way she was grateful for the timing. Camelot's prince might gain a back-handed slap and humiliation, but Morgana had had more than one hand at her throat, more than one torn dress, and like any proper Lady was not permitted to carry more than a belt- knife. Moments like that one, or when he had slammed her against the stones, she wondered how far Uther would really go. If even _he_ didn't know the answer to that.

Right now she was simply grateful for the convenient intervention from whichever 'vengeful' sorcerer had acted at such a precise juncture.

How sparkles could be malevolent she didn't know, but she was sure her guardian would find a way to interpret them as such.

Really it would be a shame to hide in a dark castle when she and Gwen looked like living gemstones, she flashed her maidservant a grin, "Why Gwen, have you seen the glorious sunshine this morning, I believe a ride out might be just what we need after this morning's excitement."

Smothering her own giggle and nearly choking as she saw the Camelot-red adorned prince Gwen managed to get out a strangled "Yes Milady, I'll arrange horses and help you change… perhaps something _older_ milady?"

Morgana hadn't wasted the chance to observe Arthur's own situation and was positively gleeful as she walked serenely from the room. He just _knew_ she'd never let him live this down.

The prince looked sharply at Merlin, as though searching for something, whatever he saw it left the man frowning deeply.

As soon as the two women left and the heavy door dropped shut Arthur gritted out " _Merlin_ ", his manservant winced internally, that was _not_ a good 'Merlin'.

"Yes Arthur?"  
"YOU are not…" He waved a hand towards himself.

Merlin's confusion at the obscure non-hunting gesture was obvious. " _Sparkling"_ hissed the prince. The man finally noticed what the Prince was glaring about when he looked down and found the _he himself_ was entirely free of glitter.

"Huh. Weird." Apparently the wrong thing to say as the prince looked like he could explode at any second.

"You think? Gee, I don't know, don't you think it might look a _little_ strange of you were the only one to walk out of this room _not_ covered in ridiculous glitter and sparkling with every movement?"

"I swear Arthur, I have _no idea_ why I'm not… you know…"  
" _Pretty?"_

"Oi!" Arthur raised an eyebrow, " _No_ , not that I want- I mean- you _prat!"_

"I don't want to know, and frankly _I don't care why_ you are literally the only one who doesn't look like someone dipped you in a fairy-queen's purse right now. God knows you're enough of a girl without…" He waved vaguely, trailing the dust, " _This_ to highlight it. Though if someone as pathetically girly as you _was_ ever to be ridiculous enough to attempt magic in front of the council this is _exactly_ what I'd expect."  
"Well that would be stupid, wouldn't it." Merlin scoffed.

"Yes Merlin. Very." The Prince deadpanned, it seemed as though he wanted to say more but instead grimaced like he was in pain, and bit it back.

"…."

"….."

"For the love of… _Merlin,_ we can't leave this blasted room until you _fix_ your appearance, so pick a colour, any colour, hell pick _all_ the colours and make sure you are wearing enough of this accursed stuff to be dripping it all the way to Gaius quarters to find a way to catch the real sorcerer, or reverse all of this _before_ my father overcomes his disgust and starts demanding we burn the sorceress, who at this rate must surely be a little girl with pigtails and ribbons."

Vaguely horrified that he hadn't noticed the discrepancy himself, Merlin scrambled for an acceptable reason to _not_ do this that didn't end in severe bodily harm, too late for that really as Arthur looked _pissed_.

There were none.

The warlock of legend picked up a handful of multicoloured sparkling dust and tipped it over himself, he could see by the implacable look that it was not going to satisfy Arthur, and was inefficient, so biting the arrow, he lay down and rolled himself through several glitter trails. Standing up he couldn't bring himself to look at his prince, whose laughter was bordering on hysterical. Walking in as dignified a fashion as anyone could when they were moulting and covered head to toe in bright red glitter, Arthur was followed by the most dejected looking rainbow ever seen in Camelot.

Stumbling through Gaius doors gracelessly the men came face to face with a gaping physician, who looked between them shaking his head. "How in the- I mean what were you-" Giving up the old man broke off and retreated into his room, slamming the door seconds before there was the echoing of peals of his distinctive laughter filling the tower.

" _You will pay for this."_ was growled by Merlin's ear.

"WHY? What did _I_ do."

"You? Nothing, nothing at _all_ Merlin. You _are_ however going to be stuck here, with Gaius until you both find a way to _un_ do it, and make everyone… manly… again."

"Aww, are you sure? I didn't think Gwen and Morgana would appreciate that," He wilted under the gaze of his future King, who was difficult take seriously like this but clearly not in the mood for cheek. "Yes Arthur."  
" _Exactly_ the way it was before. Idiot."  
As the angry footfalls grew further away Merlin's guardian emerged and with one look at the man started chuckling again. "Here." He handed the young warlock a damp cloth over the table. It took most of the day to find a spell to reverse what had been done to the good council members and the royal household, and the help of an irate pixie who had been sent to retrieve the missing pixie-dust. After discovering that it was Emrys who had 'borrowed' it the creature had been slightly mollified and stayed for dinner. Giving everyone the antidote was easy enough on Gaius' authority

Departing in a silver whirl he took almost all of the apparently precious pixie dust back with him, but being a creature of magic the visiting pixie was quite happy to leave Uther sparkly for a few more days than anyone else as it vexed the tyrant. Leaving Emrys with a warning to ask next time _before_ nicking it, and an invitation to a reciprocal meal, which he accepted with caution, uncertain what pixie's actually _ate._

When it took longer than expected for the potion to work for one man, Gaius had to sell the king some rubbish about how he had a higher tolerance to certain types of potion than some of his councillors and it being a sign of vitality. Merlin was blamed squarely for that difference, which he considered unfair since _that_ at least was their 'helper's doing. His protests fell on entirely deaf ears.

Thankfully Arthur found it _far_ more entertaining when only his father was sparkly, and he himself was not, sadly though, Merlin didn't get to fully appreciate that sight as he spent the next week cleaning leech tanks, every stable in the castle, and being beaten to a pulp on the training fields.


	16. Chapter 16

They'd been taken by surprise. It really didn't happen often, the knights of Camelot were on guard at also all times, but they _were_ clumsy in confined spaces, and had been torn from sleep minutes before. Pursuing the assassin into the tunnels hadn't been their best idea in hindsight- not least as it appeared he had been a mere poisoner- but what he'd been expecting to happen when caught clearly hadn't judging by the dawning horror and his attempt to flee.

Arthur wondered if being poisoned might not have been more pleasant than his current position. Percival had knocked over the serving jug their would- be poisoner appeared to be stealing from the vaults. They _seriously_ needed to improve that security reflected the prince.

He thought they'd got away with it, perhaps there had been a mistake.

He revised this opinion about ten minutes into their usual training.

The men who had been present were… strange. Little they said made sense. All denied being there earlier, then looked irritated and angrily asserted again they had _not been there_ and did not remember. He would have been concerned about their memory, except that when he checked everyone had their swords, they had denied it, while waving them visibly in front of him.

They seemed otherwise well, so he paired the oddly behaving ones together, playing for time to solve the problem.

Leon insisted he had seen a schedule Arthur hadn't written yet.

Lancelot assured them all he loved cook's rock buns- which everyone knew he hated,

Gwaine declared an intention to take up full sobriety, and Percival insisted that he had never knocked anyone out accidentally. After knocking out his partner. Accidentally.

By the end of the session Arthur had a headache.

None of them could speak the truth, all they could do even close to fluently was lie. How could they be knights, who _couldn't_ give their word on anything? Arthur would need to test it, but the only one he'd spoken to today had been _Merlin_ , and that hadn't been so much a conversation. Several of the tasks he gave Merlin _didn't_ need to be done by him, so it wouldn't really have shown up he guessed, and he was perfectly able to dress himself, so that wouldn't have flagged it up. The only one who had been present (because of course he had) and was behaving even vaguely normally- or as normal as Merlin ever got, was his servant. Who had been wandering around in the dark _again_ for some godforsaken reason. If it was anyone else he'd have assumed a tryst with some girl, but really, it was _Merlin_.

His servant had given _no_ indication of anything being wrong. At all.

It was worrying. _No,_ not _worrying_. Princes did _not_ worry about servants. Although he supposed most _servants_ didn't turn up to _battles._

If there was no difference though, that must mean that Merlin had been lying… as his version of _normal_. Enough to not alert Arthur to a magical problem, and he _always_ did- huh, that _was_ a _bit_ weird. Back to the important thing, knights who couldn't be honest. At all.

Perhaps Lancelot or Gwaine could help with Merlin though, he was always hiding things, maybe Arthur could use this as a test to find out just how much, if he didn't tell Merlin.

Was that deceitful? He really should feel guilty about it, and yet… if _Merlin_ was lying so often, wasn't that fair? He shouldn't feel a need to know about the life of a servant, he _really shouldn't_ , but it was _Merlin_. _His_ servant. What if he was in danger? Arthur hadn't really considered that his manservant might have a full life outside that _excluded him._ Why would he? Whispered his mind, why was he really doing this, it shouldn't bother him. What should he care if the lies were not affecting Merlin's work?

Yet he did, very much.

Didn't the man trust him?

Leaving the field his men seemed to mistake the cause of his frown and cringed. "I am not sorry" was muttered by more than one, Lancelot's "I shall continue to endeavour to maintain this state." Made him roll his eyes and assume it was supposed to be an unnecessarily flowery apology.

"Go to the armoury and do not remove things as usual, then to the council room as I am sure it will be full and entirely unavailable at this time." Growling curses he was followed by an extremely confused Merlin. "Uh… Arthur… I have questions. That made perfect sense." Merlin looked confused for all of ten seconds before rolling his eyes. "There is no chance Gaius will be able to help, there is absolutely nothing the matter with the knights, and it will be extremely difficult to fix if I am right, Which I never am." He smiled brightly and followed the quietly raging prince to his chambers to help the man change.

"That made even more sense than I have come to expect from you Merlin." It surprised him that the man had grasped the situation so quickly, though it shouldn't have, really for an idiot his manservant-friend was quite intelligent, not that he could ever tell him that, even if he _could_ tell him the truth.

"We should take our time and go very slowly, this is a problem of no high priority that I wish to avoid addressing. The knights will not gather in the council chambers I expect."

His headache looked set to become a migraine by tonight at this rate. Shockingly it seemed to pose no problem for Merlin to switch between the two and understand the gist of things.

"None of your clothes are set out, they are un-ironed, and your sword will be left dirty all afternoon."

The prince shook his head. "Yes. You are not to go to _Gaius_ , he is the one we don't need and he never uses you to help, no one else can clean swords, but everyone else can help Gaius. Fuck. You don't understand." He waved his hand in Merlin's direction as then man cheerfully helped the prince dress for an official meeting. "Absolutely not sire. I never do." Did he… did he just wink? Oh god, they really were all going mad.

Trailing half a step behind him, noticing Arthur's mood, Merlin tried not to be amused. A spell for lies was new. Truth spells were a coin a dozen, he could undo those in his sleep- had done actually, but lies might be riskier. It was novel however to not be the _only_ one lying through his teeth.

Storming into the room Arthur found the men ready and waiting.

"Percival, you will _not_ be on an extra patrol for this."  
"No sire." The huge man blushed darkly.

"Leon, you will not be joining him for your graceful movements last night."  
The First Knight nodded, "No, sire."

"None of you are aware of what is going on?"

"No sire." They chorused.

Arthur sighed in relief, "That's unfortunate. I hoped to have to explain it all."

Merlin, behind him was turning purple with the effort to hold the laughter back.

Arthur sighed, "Continue Merlin, you don't need to breathe, I'm sure plenty of servants are eager to clean up your remains if you explode here. You will of course always be permitted to laugh in here again, as everyone will be encouraged to tell others this story."

It was too much. The ridiculous man collapsed, laughing hysterically, he knew the knight's code better than half the _knight's_. Arthur could have not-sworn he heard strangled gasps of 'word is their bond' from the pile of manservant on the floor. "Do you think you can behave inappropriately for such a meeting now, idiot?"

"Probably. I mean no, sire."

Arthur scowled. "Bad." He groaned. "I love this."

None of the others moved to intervene, watching the scene as though it was a horrific accident unfolding. "No stocks for you now, Merlin." The manservant glared, but didn't disagree, aware he was getting off lightly for openly laughing at the lot of them, though he suspected that once it was resolved Gwaine would be able to see the funny side, Leon and Lancelot looked genuinely horrified, and probably wouldn't.

The others were having to concentrate to understand he realised, and it made a sick sort of sense.

Merlin could switch between lies and truth fluidly, hearing what _wasn't_ said far too easily now, and wondered if that was obvious, but he couldn't exactly _ask_.

"Gwaine is not to escort Merlin down to the chambers, I have no expectation of you, _Merlin_ helping Gaius search for a solution, there is no hurry, Uther will cancel the feast tonight so you are not needed there too. Do not guard that pair for any reason Gwaine. Lancelot, Leon, Elyan, none of you will be restricted to your quarters, I do not relieve you of duty until further notice. Do you understand me?"

"NO SIRE!" The knights answered, all nodding vigorously.

"Merlin, don't send boring George while you are available." Arthur's head was throbbing.

"I doubt Gaius has anything for headaches in stock sire, I'll make sure George doesn't bring you any."  
"Princes need medicine." The Prince _hated_ anyone to see him as vulnerable, even his physician.

"Then don't call it an effect of the spell." Merlin shrugged and grinned, leaving several knights in shock as he strode out of the room with Gwaine. Possibly the only one of them mad enough to carry on a conversation with Merlin in this state. He was well liked by these knights, but he was still regarded by most as a little odd.

Gwaine was watching Merlin carefully, remaining quiet until they were close the the physicians chambers. "Well now, you appear completely unfamiliar with conversing in lies."

Merlin grimaced, "Men don't do what is necessary to survive. I draw attention to your own, it seems fair that you point out mine."

Gwaine accepted that without refuting it, entering the tower together.

"Do you regret them?"

Merlin sighed, "Rarely, but they are often for little reason and to put others in danger."

His friend's brow was creased, clearly less familiar with open lies, and more the subtle misdirections, which Merlin used _far_ more frequently but grasping the core of it. "That makes no sense. You know you can never talk to me. If you are troubled I would never wish to help. Ugh, _this_ is too simple to discuss in a second language. It absolutely cannot wait until someone resolves it. Should I watch avidly over your shoulder? In all the lands I've travelled no one ever required magic, or at most, knowledge of it to counteract a spell, they always resolve themselves without any interference. If such a thing was to be unnecessary, I might have to go and check a silence, or concentrate very hard on what you and Gaius are doing." Merlin wasn't sure whether to be shocked at the apparent willingness to overlook it, or appalled at himself for forgetting that many at the round table were either not _from Camelot_ , or had a wider education. He was a little hoarse as he met Gwaine's eyes and judged his intent, the gentleness he usually hid easy to see, "I uh… I did hear a noise, probably something wildly dangerous, that needs to be checked." It was as close to a confession as he'd ever got, at least since Freya, and there wasn't so much as a flicker of suspicion in Gwaine's gaze, despite the fact they were all currently spelled. Perhaps that was the most reassuring he could be.

"You know, I did hear something suspicious on the way down, I won't be long." He smiled slightly at Merlin, who began to pull out the most likely books, calling Gaius, who had been napping after a late night with another patient. He wasn't as young as he used to be, even though both men were trying to ignore that fact.

"Gaius looked at Merlin as he explained the situation, badly."

Asked quietly, "Did you do this?"

"Yes." He shook his head vehemently.

The old physician sighed. "Well, I guess we'd best get on this, it'll be one of two spells, on is a short burn, the other is longer lasting."

" _Tell me_ it has a complex ritual I need to convince knights to take part in."

Gaius grimaced, "Well…" Merlin sighed, running hands through his hair, already chaotic, "Great, how am I supposed to do _that?"_ Apparently _sarcasm_ was the answer to truth.

"If we're lucky it won't be, and you'll only need a disgusting potion to reverse it."

"When am I _ever_ lucky?"

The old man looked him over critically, "You're still alive Merlin, I'd say that for someone like _you_ that's pretty lucky."

"Some might say so."

"Merlin-"

"Look, can we just get back to ignoring the solution to this. It's the hardest problem right now.

Gaius shot a concerned glance at his ward but didn't push. Pushing the boy never got you anywhere. "I need to know how _this_ , he gestured rather wildly towards Merlin, "actually happened."

Merlin scowled, "Well, when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much…"

" _MERLIN!_ If you finish that sentence I _promise_ you'll taste nothing but _my_ cooking for a month. "Not sorry. Ugh. There wasn't… Percival wasn't at all clumsy, and he repaired a serving jug from many pieces."

Gaius looked as though he was going to need a headache remedy by the end of the day too.

"So if I understand correctly, there was an intact jug which Percival-the tall one- shattered, and this spell or curse was released." Merlin nodded, "No, completely wrong."  
Gaius sighed. "Right. This _vessel_ , was it young or old, do you know?"

"I recognised it easily." Peasants didn't have a great selection of crockery as a rule.

"Was there a handle?"

"No." Even the warlock was beginning to feel irritated by now.

"Well, it's a guess, but I'd say it is the second one."

"Who is going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

" _Gwaine!"_ Two voices snapped.

"What? They weren't about to come and check, Arthur never does on Merlin, even _they_ might not have caught me if I hadn't come back. So what aren't we telling who?"

"Gwaaaaine." his friend groaned. "If I tell people it isn't what it is then someone won't be executed."

"Ah. So there isn't any of _that_ stuff I never notice involved, and no one has to be tricked into participating. What are we waiting for?"

"Have I ever said I hate you, Gwaine? Mind, tricking them will work more effectively."  
"Shit."  
"No, I disagree. I need them to drink it against their will, in a different place to where it was unleashed, and release it freely."

Gaius lost his patience. "Shut up. Both of you! Everyone has to drink the damn potion, voluntarily, in the same place Percival forgot his arms are the size of trees, and a new vessel is required to capture the curse once it's expelled from your bodies. If you are quite done being idiots, I suggest you go and find one less breakable, while I finish this cocktail, which I guarantee will _not_ taste as pleasant as the real tail of a cock, because the lot of you are _supposed_ to be less stupid and need to remember the lesson. Out now, go on, shoo!"

Gwaine seemed confused for a moment before Merlin dragged him bodily from the chambers. "The man is joking, he will not punish you without remorse, or withold morning after cures."

"That's kind."

Merlin nodded seriously, "Always mess with physicians and cooks."

Gwaine winced. He knew the consequences of that one.

"A more breakable vessel then."

Merlin shook his head. "A more breakable vessel.  
They ran through options until Merlin landed on one he thought should do the job, well tested it had proven resilient as Arthur frequently threw his goblet at Merlin's head, or the wall, next to Merlin, or knocked it onto the floor as he declared his love of- um, _poetry,_ after too much wine.

It definitely wouldn't accidentally shatter. Feeling rather pleased the pair burst into the room to explain to the Prince it was near over, to find Uther looking apoplectic at Arthur, and just as quickly removed themselves. Anything magic related must never be spoken in front of _that_ king.

The knight's quarters were the next sensible place, to find the woeful few, and assure them it could be easily fixed. As long as they co-operated and didn't ask any questions. That wasn't a difficult agreement to get. _No-one_ wanted to ask questions until the answers made sense again. They had tried conversing, Elyan's black eye testament to its failure.

When Arthur got free of his father he joined them, fury tightly leashed but visible to any who knew him. "Well?" He demanded of Merlin and Gwaine.

"Well what?" Gwaine restrained the urge to smack his best friend, "The solution, Merlin."

"Oh, _That!_ We found nothing sire, it can't be made, and Gaius is not working on it. He found the answer in a book," well, Merlin had, "It's all very difficult," Arthur relaxed, finally some good news. "I don't know how long it will take to brew, so don't follow us, it doesn't matter where the antidote is consumed." Merlin appeared to think he was entirely comprehensible. Prince Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose and held up a hand to the man "Just don't stop."

Gwaine sniggered. "Gwaine, I _swear_ I won't put you in the stocks too. Gaius is affected too?"

"Yes." Answered Merlin and Gwaine together, shaking their heads. "Right….I… Don't stay here."

"Well. This is cosy." Any room with Percival in, let alone six other men was _cosy_.

"Gwaine!"

"So straight-laced, all of you."

Merlin raised a brow at him and he finally shut up.

Arthur returned twenty minutes later with a ragged looking Court physician. "I believe the Prince wishes me to summon you all to the scene of the broken jug, where _all_ of you are going to down a measure of this." He raised the horrific looking sludge. "And thank your lucky stars that more damage hasn't been done. Percival, as the one who shattered the last vessel, you will hold the new one as it draws the minor curse affecting you." Percival didn't look convinced. Merlin was glaring at the old man, how the fuck was he supposed to do _magic_ to contain the spell and direct it, in front of the knights, during a ceremony, without being caught?

"Is that- Is that _my_ cup?" Arthur half-yelled.

"No." Stated Merlin. "It's very breakable, and hasn't been tested, so will be far less reliable than ceramic you see." Arthur turned to Gaius, "Gaius...can you.. I can't…"

"What Merlin _means_ sire, however he is garbling it, is that the old jug broke easily, releasing the spell, and as metal, your cup will not be likely to release it again, no matter how clumsy the knights, servant, or hide and seekers are." He left out the part where metal would require more direction and be more resistant to absorbing the magic in the first place and wondered how Emrys managed to pass as normal on a daily basis.

"Right, come on then."

Merlin watched his mentor, feeling a twinge of concern as he noticed the old man seemed to be favouring his right leg but was interrupted by Lancelot pulling him along. "I think the Prince has a great deal of patience left."

Merlin hummed an agreement. It was strange being in the tunnels before it was dark out. But there they were huddled. Merlin managed to situate himself next to Percy, with Gwaine on the other side, making it possible for him to slip his hand just far enough to touch the goblet, hopefully long enough to guide the enchantment. Gaius hadn't been lying, more than once of them almost vomited as they drank the abomination he gave them together. Still unhappy with Gaius for putting him in the position, Merlin slowed time without freeing it, using the distraction of the others to cast the enchantment on the goblet Percival held, feeling his eyes _burn_ as he looked downwards. When he raised them and let time run to its usual speed again he saw Gwaine watching him, as though something had been confirmed. No one else commented on it though, and once Percival put the new vessel in place of the old one they were all too eager to leave the tunnel and stay gone. Gwaine said nothing, simply gripping Merlin's shoulder, as he often did, and murmuring a quiet 'thank you'. He didn't ask anything, or state why, but as he watched them go he felt warm, as though he'd been given something he hadn't asked for and only now realised he needed.

Arthur was last to come out, checking there was no immediate threat and shoved Merlin, "Hey, Merlin, you've got work to do, there's a feast tonight, and my father is not feeling generous," Arthur cringed at his next words, but he needed to test it had worked. "Thank you Merlin, I know you helped Gaius find the answer and saved us time." Merlin grinned brightly, "Well sire, I keep telling you I have _skills_."

"Shut up. I said you _helped_. You're still an idiot." Apparently that wasn't enough to counteract bouncy Merlin, but at least Arthur knew he could tell the truth again; and that he could lie.

The whole thing had left him with questions though, that he wasn't sure he was quite ready to learn the answers to if he really pursued them.


	17. Chapter 17

The knights of Camelot, and indeed the _inhabitants_ of Camelot had trouble with magic fairly frequently, one way or another. After two weeks without any, most of the knights were feeling edgy and unnerved, it seemed unlikely that all of the magical people, and races of the five kingdoms had suddenly decided to up and leave, making many suspect scheming. Weren't witches _always_ scheming? Most weren't very inclined to answer questions.

When they were given a tip off to investigate it was almost a relief for some of them to ride out, which was all very well until _someone_ lied to the sorceress about their purpose in being there, and she turned out to be _very_ keen on honesty, as Arthur had found many old women to be- non magical ones anyway. Had _this_ one also been non-magical he was sure he would have been subjected, with Camelot's finest, to a lecture on the virtues of being honest, glared at, and probably left feeling a little embarrassed. Instead, this one being a sorceress, kept her words very short and pointed, before appearing to whirlwind away with a squeak of 'Emrys'. Must have been part of the spell.

At first it didn't seem to have caused any damage.

He wasn't an ass.

No crops had visibly shrivelled.

Nobody was unconscious- which was nice for once.

It became steadily clearer that the sorceress had in fact managed to do something on the return journey.

Percival spoke. In sentences.

Gwaine made sense. Actual, genuine sense and sounded… _intelligent._

Lancelot openly told Arthur off and agreed it was his fault.

This he could live with, really, if it got him a sane Gwaine for more than three minutes a day, which seemed about the maximum reasonable to expect, it was probably worth the rest.

Until he looked to Merlin. The man looked like he was about to vomit, pale, and if Arthur didn't know him better, _terrified,_ except Merlin never looked truly frightened like that, by anything. Maybe whatever this was had had a different effect on him? By the time they made camp the manservant was sweating, and his lips were swollen, bites clear that could only be self inflicted, and Arthur was beginning to really worry- no, not _worry,_ he didn't _worry_ about Merlin, no matter what anyone else suggested. He just… couldn't afford for him to get any _less_ efficient. Really.

As soon as the horses were tied up the man left, heading deeper into the forest. Arthur couldn't immediately follow his servant, but he _could_ clap Gwaine on the shoulder and nod in the appropriate direction tusting that _he'd_ go after Merlin. The pair seemed to share a particularly close (and entirely inappropriate for a knight) bond. If something was wrong with Merlin he might talk to Gwaine. For someone who _talked_ so damn much, Merlin said surprisingly little. At least about his own life. It had taken Arthur a _long_ time to realise that, but it couldn't be accidental to share so little at the same time as he actively sought out companionship, and engaged with the knights and Arthur himself.

Gwaine was…. _Gwaine_ , but he cared about Merlin, possibly more than he ought to, and that was sometimes of use to the prince, bound by constraints, especially in front of his men. No matter how loyal.

All of the knights were looking bemused themselves, or troubled, so his attention was needed.

Merlin had been in a rush and left a trail a blind man could follow, Gwaine rolled his eyes, wondering for the millionth time how Merlin had survived this long. It was worrying to find the man slumped against an old oak, hair showing evidence of being doused with water, worse that Merlin's hands were curled almost into claws around his knees.

"What are you doing here? I need you to leave."  
Gwaine hesitated for all of a second before flopping down on the forest floor beside him. "Princess gave me the nod to come after you, I was planning on it anyway, because you look like shit and are bleeding. I take it you can't lie or dissemble either then?"

Merlin bit down on his damaged lip harder and shook his head. "Well I guess we're even for once. You know that running is only going to make princess more determined to come after you and fix the problem. He's already annoyed I can follow you when he's stuck. Lancelot's lost his knightly filter, which I've never managed to get him to break. The man's practically a monk."

Merlin couldn't hold back the silent tear, hating the betrayal of his mind, and Gwaine gentled his voice. "Hey. I don't care Merlin. Whoever, whatever you are, you're my friend, always will be. And you _know_ I'm not lying. You've more secrets than any of _us_ and it'd be cruel for me to ask and abuse the fact you are robbed of a choice right now. Do you want company? It's cold down here."

Merlin's voice cracked as he raised his head. "He'll know, they'll find out." His hand flew up to cover his mouth. The rogue knight reached over and covered his other hand. "If they do, you won't be alone, and anything you say to me is to _me_ , not the knights, not the guard, hell not even to _Arthur._ Prince or not he can be an overly dramatic dick at times. At least three men here have family secrets, one is covering a lover, and under the bravado they are all terrified. We'll fix this and you can go back to a double or triple life, and a mad mixture of truth and lies that are hard to disentangle."  
"I thought you said you were my friend."

"Gwaine raised an eyebrow. "I am. I already know _things_ about more'n one of you, none of my business what another man is hiding unless they're hurting innocents is it?"

Merlin shivered, "You are a rare person Gwaine, you know that." He took a leaf out of Merlin's dark hair, "Not rare enough, but that's ok. I'm counting on you returning the favour of us never throwing secrets back in each others faces. Come on, They'll come looking if we don't get back, and none of the others can make edible fare. Except Percy. Who won't. He said there was someone he'd never risk threatening or hurting, he believes taking on that task could. He meant _you."_

"Thanks Gwaine. You know you are _plenty_ rare enough. I just don't have a good record of… I mean, the closer someone is to me, the faster they die, and I just can't risk you like that."

The knight cocked his head Merlin's way, "Arthur's still alive."  
"Arthur's fucking lucky; for some reason he's the exception that proves a rule, and some days I wonder if it's all worth it. I hope it is." Merlin ended softly.

"I hope so too. You certainly are." Gwaine looked away uncomfortably and stood, reaching down to haul Merlin to his feet, more composed than before, Merlin nodded gratefully to his friend, and clasped his shoulder tightly. "You have my word Gwaine. No spilled secrets. I'm rubbish with many things, but I'm an expert in those. Except today. Do me a favour though mate, if someone mentions a very illegal in Camelot-only thing _gag me_ , _before I can answer."_

The ex-commoner had travelled widely enough to understand, Merlin hoped, and from the grim look in his eyes, he had.

"The second they mention it, I'll even knock you out if it's bad enough. Answer me one thing, my friend. Are you in pain?"

Merlin wished for the lies to come and couldn't look at Gwaine as he answered, "Always."

The knight looked unsurprised, as though it was the answer he'd expected, and didn't pursue it, accepting what was offered most willingly.

"Well then, we'll go back gently. Come on. If we're really lucky, we'll get to see Lancelot finally lose his shit."

Merlin cringed, Lancelot was the only other person who knew his secret; who also now couldn't lie. Gwaine caught a sideways glance from Merlin and smiled softly. Merlin mentally revised his conclusion, _maybe_ the only person who knew.

Neither of whom could now lie.

When they reached camp it was set up, and even Arthur didn't complain about his servant absence, for once sensing that things were in a delicate balance. Gathering around the fire, the normally animated group banter was notably muted and serious.

On rejoining the group Merlin set up the stew to cook, they'd just have to deal with the meat being dried, he couldn't possibly have concentrated well enough to butcher a rabbit like this.

Arthur looked around the group to see that they were all present. "May I take it then, from the recent behaviour, that you have _all_ been afflicted with a severe case of 'honesty'?

Going around the circle the each nodded, muttering various conformations.

Arthur frowned. He didn't want to encourage dishonesty within the group, or distrust, but that couldn't be built on forced confessions. He _was_ disturbed at just how many things seemed to be lurking just underneath the surface, but then _he_ had found it impossible to restrain certain actions and had _agreed_ with Lancelot that he was worried about Merlin, questioned aloud how long it took them to start the fire, and criticised his father. The prince always played off his concerns for his servant's wellbeing, ignored most mundane practicalities, and _never_ _openly_ criticised Uther, unlike Morgana had. He'd envied her that particular freedom once.

Curiously Lancelot had seemed to shed some of the weight he always carried at that.

"I am declaring an amnesty to apply to all of you, until we find a way to break this spell. Immunity to accidental admissions and revelations that would never normally happen without this… _curse_ on you all. Please note, Gwaine, that it applies _only_ to unintentional things. What is said between us does not leave the group, and should that happen, the punishment will be _severe_ , am I understood?"

All of them agreed to his terms, they were more than reasonable. "Good. I'm starving, and we have no leads on where the sorceress went, or what her goal was with this."  
"She did say we needed to learn the value of the truth, and that Camelot's lies defiled her home." Percival was abnormally calm for someone in his situation decided Arthur.

"Mmm, Something about hiding."  
Gwaine growled, facing Leon, " _All of us._ She said _ALL of us_ hiding _."_ The last thing they needed was Merlin to spook and run off again, though he suspected most of the group were more focused on covering their _own_ secrets than concentrating on anyone else.

"We could shorten this torture you know/" Said Arthur slowly, "By being honest about the things that clearly each man is focusing on and trying not to spill."  
Lancelot snorted "What do _you_ know about spells and magic? You literally just called _this_ torture and no-one has been so much as scratched. Why should we listen to your theories of shortening it?"

Stunned at the usually restrained knight's outburst Arthur was spared from responding by a vaguely strangled voice from the corner, "No, he's probably right this time Lance, the spell was a temporary one, lasts only until it's purpose has been accomplished and then dissipates harmlessly. It's not a destructive type, or a combat spell, it really is just a crabbit old woman trying to teach 'young' hoodlums a lesson. It's not anchored to anything, can't hold indefinitely, but certainly long enough to achieve a greater _understanding_ of each other and the value of honesty."

Trying to sort out his conflicted feelings- Merlin was speaking, good, Merlin was maudlin- that was bad, Merlin was… intelligent? He should remember that this time, both were trying not to speak, and _how dare the witch force them_ flashed through his thoughts.

Arthur shoved it all to the back of his mind for later. "Did you just say I was _right?"_ He tried for something closer to their usual light teasing.

Merlin glanced away, refusing to meet his eyes, "I said _probably_ right. I do that sometimes."  
"How do you know so much about spells Merlin?"

Lancelot and Gwaine froze, Arthur gave no indication that he had noticed it in his current state of hyper-awareness of the men.

"Research."

Perhaps he could tell the truth without telling _all_ of the truth at once, fool the spell? Remembering the fear in the sorceress' gasp of 'Emrys' he buried the hope quickly, he couldn't afford the distraction.

"Just research?"

"No." Arthur opened his mouth to respond and was interrupted by a surprisingly quiet but firm question from Gwaine, "Arthur. If there was something- _anything important-_ you wanted to ask, or find out from Merlin, or _any_ of us, seeing as every man present is twitching and sitting like he's atop a wasps nest, wouldn't you rather hear it because of trust and a desire to _offer_ the confidence, than steal it against their will. 'Far as I can see _that_ isn't so far from torture as Lancelot reckons. You've my respect most of the time Princess, and of the others more, and it's largely that you don't use all those under you for entertainment or as possessions; don't throw that away so easily." Arthur realised the man's words were in earnest and wondered what he knew, or _thought_ he knew, and what he himself was hiding. Still watching the half-reformed rogue apparently read his thoughts and he nodded towards the others and quite calmly spoke to his prince "You prove to me we can trust you not to try and force it from us, and I'll answer your questions of _my own_ secrets voluntarily, but I'll do it alone and without an audience. I know who Uther's employed in the past, and truths freely given are worth more than any stolen unwillingly, I promise you that." He held the prince's gaze just long enough to see the moment he agreed before looking away.

"I am disappointed to see how thin our loyalty and trust is."

"Perhaps Sire… perhaps you are misjudging the reasons that secrets are kept. Each of the knights trusts the others with his life, else they could never quest or ride to battle together. Many things that are _hidden_ are not compromising of only one person but could endanger others or reveal secrets not _ours_ to share."  
Arthur's expression gave no hint to his feelings, "What about you Merlin, you come on quests you should have no part of, ride to battles without a sword. Do _you_ trust us with your life."

Merlin tried to answer 'Yes', because of course he did, and was confused when it wouldn't come out. Troubled, Arthur stared into the flames.

"Wait, Arthur, I. The words." Anger rolled through Merlin, "I trust you in battle, and on quests, and I trust you to always do what you believe is right."

"Just not with your life."

"I… I thought I did. I have done, often, just apparently not _enough_ to satisfy the requirements of absolute truth. Oh when I find her…." Merlin bit down _hard_ on his lip.

Arthur regarded the servant he considered a friend closely, " _If_ you should find her, I don't want you to _do_ anything without me."

It troubled him that Merlin had been coming with them on patrols, to battles, to _everything_ , and yet couldn't say that he trusted them with his life- and yet _he came anyway_. There was something _wrong_ with that. Why did he come the, and how did he dare, or did he just not care whether he came home? Merlin had always _seemed_ keen to fight and survive before, had he not noticed something terrible… Arthur tried to shake the ugly train of thought.

Merlin could taste blood and shot Lancelot a glare at his open amusement.

"Percival, perhaps you would be willing to share any of the things you hold between us?"

"No, Sire."

The Prince sighed. "Then pray give me a _reason_ for your silence."

"None affect me alone, and would put others in danger."

"I suppose I cannot hold against you that you uphold the knight's code, to protect the innocent."  
" _I_ believe them innocent. I do not know whether others would." Percival cursed, loudly.  
"I'll assume you didn't intend to add the last qualifier to that then." Arthur said, dryly.

Leon looked troubled, he fidgeted, uncharacteristically, "I think that many here have had a colourful past Prince Arthur. Some in lands with different laws, or with families who are different. In the court, even just the citadel, many decisions and judgements are simple and clear, but outside it is far more difficult and survival more tenuous."

Leon rarely _questioned_ orders, and Arthur wondered how long he had thought been thinking of Camelot as two different places. He found himself unable to disagree with that perception though when taking some of their patrols into account. He had always known his close circle of knights were complex, none were simpletons, an intentional choice on his part, and the fools always died quickly anyway. Brute force would only see a man so far. Much of their _past_ though had been irrelevant, especially as they had deliberately been setting it behind them, helping _him_ to build a better future, and now he wondered if it wasn't a great deal more significant than he had treated it as. A man's past could haunt him, and more importantly it could _follow_ him.

"I would like to know your stories, all of you," He made sure to catch the eyes of each man with him, "As much as you _can_ tell me. _When_ it is not a compulsion that you are fighting. That doesn't mean I want the clean version, the adjusted for noble ears one, but that I want to know honestly what threats and triggers each of us bring. The experience.

We can use this to make something truly extraordinary, but only if each of us is willing to offer themselves _fully_. When this ends I will want to speak to each one of you, and you will have the chance to make a choice.

You all did so once before, you chose Camelot, you chose each other, you chose to serve under _me_. Now I know each one of you, much better than any future king is supposed to, and would have you all remain, you are, more than any others, _my_ knights," he spared Merlin a look, " _and_ my servant, but as regards any kind of inner circle, better than any council my father has _ever_ had, the truth will one day matter. It always comes out, and denying it… well we all saw what happened to Morgana when Father denied and rejected her."

" _Once and_ future king" came muttering from the direction of Merlin, Arthur ignored it. He was _trying_ to restrain the curiosity.

"You want that gag _now_?" Hissed Gwaine beside him, and the warlock groaned, _please goddess_ let him not know the significance of that title. Ah, hell, he'd probably ended up in the bed of some pretty druid girl at one point or another. Emrys and the once and future king were gossip topics for some of them. "No thanks, I'm good."

"Sure you are." His friend rolled his eyes.

"Lancelot and Percy, you're on the first watch, the second I'll take with Gwaine, Elyan and Leon you're on third." Gwaine frowned. He knew exactly why he was paired with Arthur tonight, and he had no intention of giving away anything about Merlin. Unfortunately he rather suspected the only way to get out of that one might involve some of his own confessions.

No one stayed late around the fire that night, going to their sleeping rolls without much delay.

Gwaine was right, Merlin realised. No one _wanted_ to talk, they were _all_ afraid of being found out, and fair enough, no one could possibly have anything as big as he did to conceal. He highly doubted that anyone could beat, 'Oh yeah, I'm actually the most powerful warlock to ever live, you are a figure of prophecy, I'm the Last dragonlord but that only happened _after_ I released the Great dragon, and I've been doing magic the whole time I've been living in Camelot. Might also be useful for you to know Nimue isn't a threat anymore and the Druids won't help Morgana because I'm pretty much the closest thing they have to a king and I am _really pissed off_ at The Witch.'  
Still, clearly _the knights_ thought their problems and past were terribly shocking and dramatic, and would be more serious than the others, or at least _some_ others. He could almost understand why Arthur wanted to push for answers. He just understood better that there were always complicated reasons for keeping them secret and equally complicated outcomes. He decided the first watch was probably his best bet for sneaking away. Lancelot and Percy were good knights and better men, but Lancelot would likely overlook him leaving in the middle of a magical situation, and Percival understood the need for space as not all of them did.

When Arthur and Gwaine were on watch he'd have no chance of escaping tonight.

Leon wouldn't overlook someone leaving camp, and Elyan was still trying to prove himself to the ones Gwen loved.

Waiting long enough for the breathing patterns to all into a sleep rhythm he left, using a silencing spell. He walked a long way for it being full dark, but Merlin didn't get lost in woods, If Camelot was Prince Arthur's, the forest belonged to him, it always had, and the stars were a blatantly displayed map anyway.

Back at camp Arthur was amazed the man had waited this long to wander off, why he didn't do a better job of checking no one was faking the prince would never know. He would never admit to Merlin that he knew his manservants sleeping patterns, but they had travelled alone often enough, and often slept close enough together for him to be _well_ aware the man had nightmares, bad ones, though they lack the screaming that came with Morgana's. He had seen some of what the servant had lived and eventually realised it wasn't what he'd ever expected to deal with, growing up subsistence farming. He couldn't really be angry at someone for suffering insomnia or avoiding sleep when they dreamt of burning, the dragon incident had been followed by an increase in Merlin-nightmares, and his own Merlin related nightmares if he was honest with himself.

 _He_ couldn't leave without being followed, but he'd know how long the man was gone at least.

An hour later there was still no sign and Arthur was getting worried.

If the knights weren't so close he'd have called Kilgarrah on a night like this one, and Merlin's throat burned, it felt like his time was running out, and he had been forced again to reckon with the fact that every second that passed he was one second closer to Arthur knowing. Once he would have been excited, _happy_ at the prospect, now it was so much more entangled and daunting. Instead he walked until he figured the watch had to have changed but the thoughts were less all-consuming.

Merlin was right that the watch had changed, but he'd been gone far longer than he expected, and he was not alone on the path.

"Join me." Arthur indicated the log beside him and Gwaine sat, accepting the flask when it was offered him. "Nothing interesting in it, just water."  
"I don't drink on patrol. Well, not unless we're overnight in a familiar tavern."

Arthur's brows rose, _that_ he hadn't known, despite knowing the man took his _duties_ seriously.

The man's lips twisted, "Just don't tell Lance, I'm waiting for him to openly tell me off instead off silently judging based on assumptions."

"He does that?"

Gwaine snorted "You don't?"  
Arthur looked out at the night, "I'm the Prince, Gwaine, I judge _everyone._ It's half the job."

"What's the other half?"  
"Rescuing damsels in distress; and feasts."

The knight chuckled, "I thought you would have included questing."  
"I did, there's always a girl to rescue."

"Uhuh. Sure there is." Gwaine smirked.

"Shut up Gwaine."

For once the knight didn't argue. The silence didn't last long before Arthur picked up the conversation again, careful to keep his voice low, "So, do you want to tell me anything without the audience, or wait?"

Gwaine looked over him carefully, "How about I give you some of the bare bones now, and the raw parts that left deeper scars wait for me to have my own mind back? I'm not about to ask you what _your_ childhood was like, if he ever hugged you, or what age someone forced your first kill." He could see that every jab landed, but let the Prince hear his sincerity. "Easy Princess, you don't owe me your pain, as I don't owe you an explanation of mine. Remember that." Arthur took a calming breath. "The amnesty stands Gwaine. You're unsettling like this, you know?"

"Now you know how _you_ make most people feel then. When we met you were just another man. I was never in one place long enough to note most of the _nobles_. I stayed when you saw me and _didn't ask,_ or _care_ where I came from, but you know you never did ask _why_ I hate nobles. I know it drives Leon more than a little crazy contending with that, and it's one of the 'later' things. You're the first one I've ever _chosen_ to serve. Not the first prince I ever knew. I met kings before it was to exile me. The world has plenty of bastards outside of courts, I don't hold grudges as a rule. You've seen enough of that, I still enjoy a good brawl, though I don't start them these days.

Nobles? That's personal. So, anyway, there was an incident after my father- adoptive father I guess- died, and I hit the streets for work about the usual age for peasant boys, easy enough to pass that way once I got a bit torn up an' all. Never really stopped moving after that until Merlin patched me up that first time. I think that's enough for now, no?"

Arthur's head was swimming, god he hoped not everyone was hiding things as significant as this could turn out to be.

"Yeah. Yes, that's probably plenty to be going on. That's a long time to be carrying a hidden past." Arthur looked away before turning back to Gwaine, clearly trying to decide whether to take a risk. "Hey, whatever you say Princess, your terms only, it goes for everyone." Arthur nodded sharply, just once, "I was ten. The first time. Seven the first time I commanded an execution. Leon was there after, I wanted to go home with _him_ that night, instead of Uther. This feels like a conversation that should have more wine."

Taking the statement for what it was Gwaine went for flippancy, "Every conversation should have more wine, unless it already has mead."

"Hmm. Or is with Merlin. Wine is _not_ for him." Best friend or not, Arthur wasn't wrong, Merlin still drank as though he'd barely touched unwatered anything, and Gwaine knew he avoided it in most situations.

"Speak of the griffin," Arthur rolled his eyes, there was a less silent approach than his sneaking out had been, then it stopped,

In front of Merlin was a woman kneeling, not as though she had fallen, but as his knights, or his people knelt to _him_ , and it sounded as though she was crying. Why would there be a crying woman with his servant? Arthur almost stormed into the clearing, but realised he might learn more if he treated Merlin like a baby deer who could flee at the sign of a hunter. He didn't seem very fawn-like right now though.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean any harm, I didn't see you, and they were just _there_ , My Lord. I- I panicked, and figured since I was about to die anyway I'd nothing to lose teaching some manners. I never meant any _harm_ to anyone."

Merlin sighed, sounding exasperated, exactly the way Arthur himself sounded after stammering, apologetic women had been in court to air their pleas or grievances.

Instead of yelling- although even Arthur knew that would have woken the others- Merlin knelt down next to the old woman and handed her his kerchief, "Right. I know, I know, it wasn't intentional and all of that, but you just made my job _a lot harder_."  
His job? Merlin's job was as his manservant, or apprentice physician.

"Do you know how hard it is to keep the prat _alive_ , and most of the knights have been conditioned to think every single spell will kill them, you're all afraid of each other, and no-one willing to admit it. What you did robbed them all of privacy, which yes, they did to you first, but it _was_ a violation, and could have done a great deal of damage. Since honesty and truth are so important to you, tell me; What are you doing back here? Any rational woman would have fled in the other direction and not looked back."  
"I made a mistake. I just- I want to fix it My Lord, lift the spell. I could do it while they sleep? Maybe they'd just think it wore off over night?"  
Merlin ran a hand through his hair, "With anyone else it might work, but this lot keep watch through the night, they'll not all be asleep at once, and honestly, you embarrassed a couple, so the whole running off thing isn't going to work now. I believe you meant no harm, and regret your actions. I won't offer you punishment or condemnation, but it isn't my place to do so, I'm not the king, the men you caused pain to are not _my_ men. Plus I made him a promise not to act alone if I _did_ come across you- which by the way may have saved you from paranoid reflexes, so you might want to thank him for that, actually maybe not, as that would mean telling him about the reflexes."

Oh, good grief. Leaving aside the fact that his manservant had just effectively declared _him_ king, and was having a calm chat with the sorceress who had done this to them, while addressing him by a title, there was still too much to unpick, _and_ Gwaine, who was waiting for them, turned out to be _deep._

Merlin stood and helped the old woman to her feet. "Come on, have a seat on that rock, your joints will seize completely like this, and we can't have that. Do you trust me?"

She didn't hesitate, "Yes My Lord."

Merlin groaned. "No, no titles, no 'Lords' or- or the other thing, just 'Merlin' alright. It's worked fine for a couple of decades already. The old woman smiled sadly, "Merlin then. Even you can't run forever from the truth."

"I can try." the man growled, "You can prove it by staying here, and not moving, while I go get the prat- dammit, the _Prince_ , and he can decide what to do with you, it would definitely be simpler to lift the spell with people asleep, but since _I can't lie now_ I don't think we have many options left."

"Sorry My- Merlin. If he is lenient I'll make sure they know he's real."

Arthur couldn't stay longer if he wanted to be _waiting_ when the man came to get him, and really, he wanted to test whether Merlin _did_ mean what he said, did trust Arthur's judgement. He didn't like doubting the loyalty of those around him, but this would at least tell him one wasn't trying to subvert his power, if having been offered the opportunity to do exactly that, without believing he was under observation, he turned it down.

Arthur swiftly made his way back to Gwaine and cast him a warning look as he settled and arranged himself to appear as though he hadn't just been watching Merlin conspire with a sorceress. Gwaine looked concerned as mere minutes later their friend stepped back into the camp. Rather than stumbling back to his sleeping place he intentionally sought out the Prince and hissed at him, "Arthur, I found her, the sorceress, she's not the far away."

"So what, you decided to just _leave_ her?" The prince managed to feign outrage, "She promised not to run, and _you_ told me not to do anything without you. I thought you'd be happy I was doing what you said without arguing for once, you're never happy, are you?"

"Oh, the _sorceress said_ so did she, well that is an absolute guarantee of reliability isn't it." Arthur winced as he saw Merlin's face fall, had he gone too far? The grin he plastered on could only be grotesque, apparently the witch wasn't only against verbal lying. "Come on then, quicker the better, but she only came back to offer to do something."

"Not because she regrets what she did Merlin?"

"Well, yes that too, but not primarily no, she had a realisation and wants to prevent any harm coming to you all, she's offered to life the spell."

Arthur paused to look properly at Merlin, who was avoiding meeting Arthur's eyes, focusing only on the way ahead, and reached for his shoulder. "Should we trust this."

"What?" There was confusion in Merlin's expression.

"Merlin. You understood earlier. I am quite certain you understand now. Should. I. Trust. Her. Can this spell be undone the way she says?"

Merling breath came shakily, "Yes Arthur. It can."

"And would you _know_ if she tried to change it, or wasn't performing the counter spell." Merlin closed his eyes, looking sick again. "Yes Arthur. I'd know."

"Alright." He spoke carefully. "Take me to her. Let's hope she hasn't panicked."

Merlin's gaze slid sideways and his pace seemed to falter for a second, "I think she just wants it to be over, and leave Camelot alone for the rest of her days."

"You know by law that shouldn't be long."  
"But Arthur, she made a mistake, she didn't have to return to fix it, and she came to us _knowing_ she risked her life."  
"Yet _you_ told her to wait for me."

"It's your responsibility to try and dispense justice, your people."  
"Oh, I think some of them might be yours too Merlin."

Merlin bumped into a tree branch. " _What? No!"_

The horror in his voice was oddly reassuring, "I rather think that Gwaine and Lancelot are you know, and really, boring George is quite disturbingly taking up your sartorial choices or recent."

He saw the tension ebb from his friend's frame only because he was watching for it. Really. Why him? They couldn't just be simple.

"Please Arthur, she was alone and scared, You've made decisions yourself that you wished to go go and undo, that were forgiven in spite of their consequences." His plea brought to mind another occasion with Merlin, of exactly that, a beach and a cup, and of the value of humility and mercy.

"Let me speak to her first, Merlin. I will consider it."

When they entered the clearing it came as rather a pleasant surprise to find the old woman still waiting on the rock Merlin had left her on. The sheer terror on her face tugged at an uncomfortable feeling in his gut." He kept his hand _off_ his sword hilt, though only Merlin would pick up on that. "So, my servant tells me you wish to make an offer. Talk."

She clearly looked to Merlin for direction, lost when Merlin jerked his head unsubtly towards the prince, wish to cut short the painful attempts at silent signals Arthur intervened, "Merlin tells me you've already met. _I_ want to hear it from _you."_

She was shaking, but the prince seemed to make no move towards a weapon so she began, "I -It was me sire, earlier. I was the one who cast the truth spell. I knew I was going to die anyway, andI- I panicked. It was stupid, and I was wrong. He uh-he found me here, and explained, I came because I wanted to lift it, but I can't do it without magic sire, and the knights will not allow me to use that to free them, which is the only way such a thing can be done" Great, now Merlin sounded like he was choking on a moth and the woman looked scared again, eyes flicking between them both. "Ignore the idiot. Concentrate. You said you can do it. Are you _sure_?"

"Yes sire."  
"Can you do it on sleeping minds or do they require awareness." He already knew that, but he didn't want to confirm it to Merlin yet.

"Yes, sire."

"There is a little less than an hour before the changing of the watch. Is that long enough to complete it?"

"Y-Yes sire." The woman stammered, wrongfooted by the fact that she was still breathing and being _invited_ to use magic by the prince, albeit to undo her own spell.

"There is only one other on watch with me right now, he does not fear counter- spells. If you do this, and it works without causing harm, you are to return home, pack your things, and leave Camelot. You will not be pursued. If my men wake damaged you will not make it to the border. Is that clear?"

He wished he could see Merlin's reaction, but he couldn't look away from the woman right now.

"Yes sire. Thank you sire."

"Don't thank me yet, you haven't met the other watchman." Arthur growled, "Follow Merlin, don't dither, stay in front of me."

He couldn't quite quell the fear that having a sorceress at his back caused, but if they fixed it tonight, Gaius and Uther need never know, or hear things that could never be unsaid.

They reached the edge of camp without speaking until the woman saw the 'other watchman', "Gwaine!?" He stiffened and looked towards her, and rose, his shock clear "Shona?" He whispered, "That was _you?_ " She looked away, shamefaced, "Uh, sorry, I um… I'm just here to undo it."

"Well, I guess at least I can be sure you know what you're doing…. Um- _Princess_? I have questions."

"You're not the only one." Arthur grumbled, Gwaine inclined his head, "That _thing_ we were talking about earlier? This here is the first woman who ever patched me up, even before I left to make a go of things myself, and I'm sorry Princess but I can't let you take her to Uther."  
The knight received a sharp slap to the back of his head and reach up to rub it, "Ouch. That hurt, dammit." The old woman snorted, "You've had worse from thorn bushes. Show some respect."

"Arthur looked towards Merlin, "You know, I could get to like her yet."

"Before or after you threaten to run her down by the border _sire."_ The prince winced. Not all better then.

"Gwaine, don't do anything stupid, and shut up before you wake even _them_." Merlin folded his arms and came level with Arthur "You know what this requires, sire?"  
" _Yes Merlin"_

"Just checking."

"Well _stop_ checking."

Seeing someone she'd known as a child seemed to give the old woman a sense of familiarity and confidence, she even smiled a little as she unwrapped the last of the web from the men, dealing with them one at a time, and finishing with the the three awake. "This way you can check there's no damage." She said to the prince. He looked at her in disbelief, "With Merlin and Gwaine? Honestly, if this pair of idiots start making sense and seeming undamaged I'll have to chase you for changing a servant I spent years training to be barely competent, and- well- _Gwaine_." The woman nodded, kneeling in front of them thank you My Lords, your mercy will lift up this land again. As she turned to leave she was caught by Gwaine in a tight hug. "He'd be proud of you you know. Maybe you've finally found that one that might be worth dying for. You always did have the heart of a hero."

The whispered "Thank you." was hers alone as Arthur and Merlin both averted their eyes to allow them a private moment before she really _had_ to leave.

"Go to sleep Merlin. You kept your agreement to me, no-one is going to follow _her_ , everyone should be fine. It's fixed. No more spells, or forced confessions. I want to reach the city by tomorrow night, you'll need the rest."

Now the spell was gone Merlin was feeling a little adrift, it had been tempting, _oh so tempting_ to stop fighting, to use it but he couldn't let go, and if he _had_ he had no idea who else would have heard, or the reactions. If he couldn't do it now though, what would it take? He shuddered.

"Arthur… Thank you. I know that you… Thank you, for letting her live." He swallowed hard as Arthur's gaze burned into him, "As you said. We all make mistakes. She had the courage to face hers and no one was truly harmed. You can thank me by not telling the others how it was resolved when they ask you. Ever."

"I wondered… I mean I you want… _Arthur_ , did you mean what you said earlier."

The prince rolled his eyes, _"Merlin_ , we were under _a truth spell_. Of course I bloody meant it."

"If it's still true in the morning, I think there are some things I need to tell you. You listened, and you didn't push for our answers."

Arthur crushed the instinctive sarcastic response, realising that this moment could be pivotal if he was careful, disastrous if he wasn't. "No. I didn't. Just make me a promise merlin, just one, when you trust me with your life, when you can say _yes._ Tell me then." Looking up he pretended not to see the tears, whenever that happened, any decent knight would let a friend have ash in their eyes.

"I will, I swear."

"Get some rest, idiot. Not much night left." He kept his voice gentle to prevent his own emotion leaking through.

Waiting for the lump that was Merlin to be still, and certain his friend was still awake Gwaine spoke audibly, "You know, Princess, sometimes there isn't a day someone _knows_. There's times that it can only be done with a leap of faith, when the only way to _know_ is by throwing yourself to see who'll catch you, an' how a man waiting answers the test tells him what sort of man he truly is. You ever wonder what sort of man you are? When break your friend's fall, you'll know."

The Prince easily followed the other direction Gwaine was speaking and nodded tightly.

"A better man for my friends." He spoke quietly in response.

"The wine you said our conversation should have. Make it strong. You'll need it. I'll meet you after we've all eaten and washed the dust from our hides if you still want the not-for-nobles version. You interested?"

Arthur looked at the Merlin lump and felt the familiar ache when he shut down, glad that he seemed to have given in to sheer exhaustion, and back to Gwaine. "Mead or something imported from Dalraida."

Gwaine's eyes lit up, "You have that?!"

"Father does. He hates it, won't ever notice it's gone."

"Bring both. Leave your options open."

"I'm going to hate this, amn't I?"

"Possibly. Probably. Just one thing first, how exactly do you feel about bastards?"

"The kind who torture me early in the morning, or the kind who's family failed them?" He couldn't help looking over his servant, and caught Gwaine's understanding nod. "Aye, the second kind."

"I suppose it really depends on whether they grew into the first or not. After all, there's Morgana, and then there's Merlin."

His knight cocked his head, as Percy turned over and settled, "Then tomorrow night will be interesting for the both of us. I'm not giving everything over one sided though. If you demand all of me, I expect the same _honestly_ in return. It's up to you, Sire, how far this goes." That there was no mockery or teasing in the title as Gwaine used it unnerved him, and made him realise just how serious the man was about this underneath the carefree rogue level. That was real, he had no doubt, but it was only one part of the story. Arthur wanted to know the rest.

"We'll see. The offer to share it freely though means more than you know."

"You're wrong, Princess. I know exactly what it means. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

And in that moment Arthur believed him.

Gwaine looked around the camp at the others, his gaze lingering on a couple of them. "Changing of the watch soon."

"We'll have to check it worked." Arthur shivered. It still felt wrong, to have allowed that, but she had been different, almost meek until she saw someone from her past, it _had_ to have worked.

"Don't worry Princess, she's what you might call 'experienced'. Shona patched me up alright, but she's the only one who left no scars. Besides, the first thing they're going to do when they wake is test it, you know what they are like. I'm amazed Leon hasn't been confessing terrible things in his sleep, I mean he sleeps across the way from me. Nothing can wipe the memories." Gwaine shuddered dramatically, widening his eyes.

"Huh. Not the one I would have guessed for that, but _thank you Gwaine_ for the nightmares."

"You're welcome, Princess. Shall we wake these sleeping beauties then?"

Arthur rolled his eyes at the man, "I'll leave it to you, it does sound as though you've earned _some_ petty vengeance. Gwaine grinned evilly. "Have I told you lately of your generosity milord?"

"Gwaine?"

"Shut up?"

Arthur looked at him intensely. "You _have_ been paying attention. Wonders never cease."

"To some things? _Always._ "

The Prince nodded, schooling his features again, "Glad to hear it. Take care not to let it slip now." Gwaine might have bowed slightly, but it was probably a trick of the firelight, faded almost to embers now.

"Goodnight sire. I'll see the Princess in the morning.", but as he glanced backwards there was something new in the way Gwaine looked at Arthur, that might, just maybe, have been a flicker of true respect.


	18. Chapter 18

It being Gwaine, returned to normal- or at least as normal as he ever got, Arthur stole the spirits from his Father's stash, and mead. There would already be wine in his chambers. Merlin was avoiding him, but he'd not have neglected that knowing how their last days had been, and there would be a hot bath waiting.

The bath helped immensely, both with the aches and the grime, and Merlin did everything he was _supposed_ to do, but remained quiet, which from _him_ was distinctly unsettling.

"You're quiet."

"Are you surprised? I suspect everyone will be more reticent for a few days."

"It's… odd."

"Yet when I talk you often tell me to shut up."

Arthur sighed, "When we are _alone_ Merlin the same does not apply."

"Because if you weren't a prince we might be friends?"

Arthur was surprised that Merlin had apparently remembered word for word a comment he'd made so long ago.

"No; because you are different. You don't fit into any mold, you're like no-one else, and you matter to me, though I may not often show it. Ugh, maybe this truth thing takes a while to wear off."

Merlin shook his head, but his voice was a little less flat when he responded, "No, she did it properly, no mistakes, all sorted. That's the you underneath the title. The man."

"You sound unsettlingly confident in those assertions."

"It seems a little late to pretend I have no idea about that and the language. How else I could have helped Gaius I don't know, the instructions often need translation; it never seemed relevant to _this_ job."

Gritting his teeth to not push when things seemed so brittle between them, Arthur swerved, "How many languages can you read? Or speak? I know from royal visits and treaties those are not always the same question."

Merlin shrugged, "Whatever I need to in Gaius' library, or Geoffrey's. Some of the remedies and records are _old_ , or carried from elsewhere. Latin, a touch of old Greek- which is a bloody horrible one that I can't _speak_ at _all_. Gaius attempted to show me something called Coptic, but I think I'll be his age before mastering it. Cumbric to understand when they visited the Court for a treaty, Frankish is easy enough, I understand the Saxon tongue from the slavers, Brittonic, Cornish and Breton are so similar it's almost like learning a single language. I can read the runes of the northmen. The Old Tongue is as easy as… It's as natural as this one. I think I just have less occasion to practice some than others." He shrugged, not seeing Arthur gaping. " _Why? When_ did you learn _?"_

Merlin looked confused, bloody hell, how did the man function if those were easy but _this_ was confusing. "When I needed to. Gaius needed help, he showed me, he doesn't need an apprentice less just because I have a job." Clearly his manservant was insane. Not that that was _news_ to Arthur, but he had underestimated the level of actual insanity, which at this stage was rather worrying. Merlin checked and banked the fire. "Arthur? I wanted to say thank you for not pushing. I know it's hard. I trust you. With all but one thing. That _thing_ is one I've never trusted _anyone_ with. I don't know how to. If I… _when_ I can, you are the first I would tell."

Arthur's gaze was piercing, "Perhaps then that is a test of what kind of men we _both_ are."

Merlin dropped his gaze to the ground. "The one thing has created many smaller secrets and not all of them risk only myself. Many are…"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the slight quiver in his voice gone, when he opened them again the man before Arthur wasn't the brittle manservant of moments before but the man to whom the sorceress had bowed. "You are not the only one to wear masks sire. To be one man and seen as different elements of the whole by different people, the Prince of Camelot, the son of Uther Pendragon, the Champion of Camelot, the good man who sees the common folk as human, the Arthur behind these doors. All of those around you know _some_ of you and yet no-one knows _all_. Holding on to your own certainty of who you are becomes difficult, and mistakes are inevitable. There are those who forget your humanity, expecting perfection, or forget your youth and expect the wisdom of decades, some who ignore your integrity and expect it to be easy to corrupt you. You are not alone in this. You haven't been for a long time, and yet it doesn't make the responsibility easier to bear. Arthur. I didn't read about destiny in a book. Destiny is a cruel mistress, and in books she is romanticised. None of my loyalty, sacrifice, or friendship that was offered has ever been a lie. I am more myself with you than any other, and you are the only _man_ I will ever serve and willingly bend the knee to. If one day you forget everything else, remember that." And just like that the fire faded, "I've armour to clean, and polish, and draughts to deliver for the night sire, if you'll excuse me." Taking his leave with an armful of dirty armour as though he hadn't just spoken to the Prince Regent as an equal and challenged him.

Gwaine arrived to find an already baffled looking prince staring into the flames from his comfiest chair, goblet in hand. "You started without me I see."

"It has been a complicated night. There was… Merlin… in it."

"Isn't any night with Merlin in either complicated or confusing?"

Arthur hummed his agreement, "Well, I should probably apologise in advance as it's about to get a lot more complicated. Where's the mead? I've never sat down and told this story in all the bars I've earned a meal by story telling. I'm going to need the liquid courage."

"Alright. It's on the table. Your fidgeting is getting disturbing. Stop. Sit down." Gwaine did, rolling his eyes nonetheless, "Yes, Princess." He took a deep drink from the cup before meeting Arthur's eyes and settling back. He hadn't visited many of _those_ memories for years now. "Do you know what happens when a king decides he wants a woman?" Arthur nodded slowly, he knew, he's _seen_ , "Aye. He takes her. Whether or not she's married suddenly becomes a lot less significant, and if it's a noble bound to him no one bats an eye. I assume you know what can happen in such cases, especially if he _keeps_ her for a while." Arthurs lips pressed tightly together, he had a horrible feeling he knew where this was going.

"My father served Caerleon, a long time ago, and my mother, she was trapped by rank and convention, once the king took a fancy to her she spent nearly a year as part of his household. Right up until he realised he'd got her with child. The Queen was generally a just woman, and understood it happened frequently in arranged marriages like theirs, but her own first child had been lost to fever the winter before, and without a male heir her position was less secure."

Oh god, Arthur had to clamp down on his instinctive explosive reaction, he _needed_ to hear the rest. "She allowed my mother to remain at court until the baby was delivered, if it was female, she could stay, a girl was no threat." Gwaine took a deep breath and watched Arthur carefully, "I wasn't." The Prince closed his eyes, and made use of his mostly full goblet. "Right. You are many things Gwaine, but a girl isn't one of them. Go on. You've got this far, though I see why you specified a lack of audience."

"A male with Caerleon's blood _was_ a threat to her, and my mother was exiled from the court, sent back to her husband's estates as though she'd never been away, with another man's child at her breast. The man I called Father was- he was a good man. He took me on, raised me as his own, just the same as my sisters, so while to many I appeared his son, it was common knowledge my parents weren't married, Father continued to attend court, meetings, and serve the king, and my mother hated it. I was a part of the reason she couldn't leave. Until there was a legitimate Prince, I was insurance, and useful. Once there _was_ they lifted the ban on my mother being seen in good company. Once there was a sweet little boy the Queen's grief eased, and she seemed to change, or so Father said. Perhaps it was fear, or jealousy, or pain, but it was too late to undo much damage. I didn't like spending time there, with _them_. I was like a lesson of what terrible things could happen if a man wasn't careful, or what to avoid. I learned to fight the hard way Arthur, it became easy, instinct, something I expect. The way someone put a sword in your hand once you could walk, and stuck you on a horse in front of someone as young.

Wow, that sounds like a proper sob story, it isn't supposed to Arthur, I just haven't mentioned it in so long that it's um, disorganised. Anyway, I was allowed to spend most of my time away from all that nonsense, and found that those working the estate, the servants, the brewers, they were so much easier, kinder, than any of the nobles. Most of whom were sly and cunning.

They knew where I'd come from and never mentioned it in front of me, didn't regard me as anything other than the Lord's son. When I was twelve Dad died fighting Caerleon's battle. It's wasn't for something important. He didn't die for a purpose. He just never returned. Mother didn't get his body back either. She managed for a while, running everything, but it was hard, and without him there wasn't enough to keep things running. By the time I was thirteen she was forced to appeal to the king. She made the mistake of taking me. He said they would help, but I couldn't remain with her, she fought him in front of the court." There was a mixture of pride and regret in his voice at that, "She called him out on abandoning his own son, on being weak all those years ago and not being willing to deal with the consequences of his actions, either my existence of Father's death. The guards grabbed her and I stepped forward, I'd never felt such rage before then, I stood between my mother and the king and denounced him, told him I hoped he would one day feel the sting of pain and grief he'd inflicted on my family. He stripped me of a title I never knew I had." Gwaine couldn't keep the bitterness from his laughter. "Barely thirteen and it turns out I'm supposed to be head of a family as no one will take them because of me. I told him I never wanted to be a noble and had no intention of ever breaking bread with one again, and demanded he release my mother. He laughed. Well wouldn't you, a lad whose voice still cracks making demands of a king? He let me go because apparently I amused them for the evening. I don't think I really need to tell you they offered no assistance to my mother when she was released. I left a few days after to find some way of earning coin so they could survive without having to- well you already know what desperate women do to survive. She remarried not long after, for the sake of the girls, but I couldn't go home, it was part of the arrangement. So I spent a decade or so knocking around from place to place, making more enemies than friends." He got up and served himself a large measure of the stronger drink, offering it to Arthur, who accepted without hesitation. The worst over Gwaine seemed to be less rigid, "I heard a couple of years into exile you'd killed his son. Oh, don't make that face, I know _personally_ the boy was arrogant prick who _wanted_ to fight the world. It meant suddenly certain people wanted to find me again, and I wanted to stay lost, I wasn't joking when I said that first time if I had known who you were I probably wouldn't have saved you. I've no regrets about it by the way, and Merlin would've never forgiven me either, but life got undeniably harder. If the slavers had had any idea who I was I'd not have still been in that pit for you to find, and they'd have got a better price."

"Merlin knows, doesn't he."

Gwaine shrugged. "He knows I'm a secret noble and the king turned my mother out when my father died in his service. Probably suspects more, but he's never asked, and I've never asked about _his_ , or the meeting, in the same way I've my suspicions."

"You won't share them?"

"Well I'd be a shit friend if I did, wouldn't I? Not my secrets nor my pain."

"I have no idea what to say, or where to even begin. I'm going to need time to process and work out what to do with this Gwaine. In short, you are the only known bastard son of a king we share a border with, whose legitimate son I killed, and had a huge confrontation with that king before going into exile as a clearly crazy thirteen year old. Probably best then that I don't have you in the welcoming party when they visit then, no?"

Gwaine scowled, and refilled his cup, "Probably. Don't tell the others. Please."

Arthur nodded thoughtfully, "Gwaine?"

"Yes Princess?"

"Is that why you show so little respect?"

"No." He shook his head vehemently, "That's because a lot of nobles are just dicks."

"Ah." He didn't have the energy to argue. "Did you know Merlin is multilingual?"

His knight looked over at him, bemused, "You mean you didn't? The non-magical books in their tower are basically in esoteric code."

"Gwaine? I think tonight is a good night to get very, very drunk."  
"That's probably the best idea you've had in a long time. Just make sure it's not bad enough to forget and make me retell this whole gruesome family drama. I refuse."

"Gwaine?"

"Aye Princess,"

"Shut up."


	19. Chapter 19

Merlin couldn't sleep.

For a long time now he'd lain awake more nights than he fell asleep easily.

When he first started as Arthur's servant in Camelot, while doing all Gaius messages, harvesting, and dogsbodying, he had never imagined a day he would miss the sheer exhaustion that had him stumbling in the door and barely making it to his bed. There were nights now that he regretted the increased stamina, the increased _magic_ , almost as much as the nightmares he couldn't wake from. He could go for a week without sleep, just burning on magic he knew.

Gaius didn't. He was quite sure that wasn't healthy, but he could do it if needed. Or if the nightmares were _just that bad._

He couldn't stop running over the events of the last few days in his mind, lying there was pointless and frustrating. Tonight was not one that going to the lake would help.

Debating going for a walk again, or practicing something that wasn't possible during daylight hours Merlin felt a chill go through him and propped himself up on his elbows. In front of him stood a transparent young woman, hovering half a handspan from the floor. "Don't you know it's rude to just walk into a man's room with no warning?" It didn't really occur to him to be surprised by much anymore.

"My apologies sir. Knocking was impractical, one of the more irritating things about being dead, and I could feel you were already awake so figured you wouldn't be _too_ shocked by me coming in."

"Through the door?"

"Well obviously."

Merlin mimicked Gaius eyebrow. "The closed, locked door."

She turned to check. "Yes sir."

"You know what, it's too late for this shit. No titles, none, I'm Merlin. Use my name."

"Um… ok?"

"I'd offer you a drink, but somehow I doubt that would go well. Are you here for a reason? Need help? If you were here to kill me you'd have attacked already, and not apologised for interrupting."

"Were you terribly busy?"

"Absolutely. Completely swamped."

The spirit looked confused. Merlin sighed. "No. Actually I was looking for a distraction, you're right on time, I think. Where do we need to get you?" In Merlin's experience spirits were usually trying either to procure a physical body, or move from one place to another. He hadn't got any useful crystals at that moment, so he really hoped she wasn't optimistic about that.

"Uther's chambers. It's my shift tonight, but I haven't done Uther before, so got lost. I just need directions to find his chambers."

Merlin stared at her weighing his options carefully.

"Sooo…. Tell me if I'm understanding correctly, because this feels like a dream. You, a ghost, want help to find the king's personal bedchamber."  
"Yes."

"And you have to this because it's what? Your _turn_ to go haunt the already psychotic tyrant?"  
"Yes."

"And ghosts can get lost, and ask for directions?"

"Of course, we _were_ human; not from most people though, there aren't many left who can see us, I miss this, the chatting, there really aren't many of us still here and none of the boys are cute, or interesting after so long." She sounded genuinely put out about their failure to please her.

"Uhuh. I'm clearly too tired to be doing this, because it sounded like you just complimented me, and I _know_ what I look like tonight."

"You're in much better shape than any of the dead ones."

" _That_ is a lot less comforting than you think."

"Sorry."

"Ach, don't be, it's alright. So, what did he do to _you_?"

The ghost whispered, "I was one of the first to burn."

"Well then, that's definitely deserving of some serious haunting. Let's go fuck with Uther. I just need to get my boots on, or I'll have no plausible excuse."

"Boots are louder." She sounded sulky about the delay, though she _looked_ relieved at the prospect of help.

"Socks on their own are weirder." He bent to lace them up. "So you, or someone _like_ you has been plaguing Uther this whole time?"  
"No, the plague wasn't us!" She sounded horrified.

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose, "No, that was Nimue, and then the unicorn. I meant, uh- _occupying, accompanying_ Uther all along."

"Oh no, I mean we were all pretty traumatised, still are, but it passes the time, you know? A minor way to torment him back. We only really got organised enough to take turns a few years ago. Sometimes we swap, so he doesn't get too comfortable with a predictable pattern. "Comfortable. With the literal ghosts of his past haunting him. Well, just don't put any spare skeletons in his closet, ok? I have to clean up the results of those kinds of stunts."

"Are you sure, Merlin? 'Cause that sounds like a good idea, and there's _loads_ of spare skeletons-"

Merlin pointed a finger at her, glaring, "No! Bad!"

"But-"  
"No. That's final. No skeletons, I am _done_ with those."

"That's very disappointing."

"Well, can you intrude on his dreams?"

The girl twisted her fingers together nervously, "I haven't have much practice, the others can though."

"Well, if you come back tomorrow and tell me how it went, I can arrange some deja vu until you get a handle on the job."

"Thanks Merlin, that'd be great." She slipped a hand into his, forgetting he couldn't go _through_ the door effortlessly, fortunately he _did_ notice. "So can anyone else see you, other than Uther I mean."

The girl shook her head, "What would be the point in that?"

"I suppose. So why is it that you can hold my hand but not work doors?"

The girls shrugged and looked at him as though he was being deliberately slow. "Because you're magic. The door was a tiny part of a dead tree."

"Right, and just to be clear, no one else can _hear_ you _either_."

"No! A disembodied voice would just be _creepy."_

"Obviously." Grumbled Merlin, dragging her by the way the guards would leave open if you knew the timing of patrols. "Because haunting someone, even someone evil, isn't creepy at all."

"It's _less_ creepy." She insisted. "Oh, maybe I should try that!" She looked so pleased with herself Merlin couldn't hide his grin.

"Maybe. The voice thing though, I look like a completely crazy person wandering the hallways and talking to himself?"

"Oh. I didn't consider that. Yes, probably. Do you mind?"

Merlin rolled his eyes, "A lot less than I really should, but we need to shut up now, we're getting too close to risk it." He dropped his voice further. "See that door? Go through it, then into the tower, that one is his. You'll know the room when you find it- not the top one though, there's a leak needing fixed. Only servants in there. Good luck." He turned to slip away and the soft voice drifted back to him "It's Eileen, by the way, the name they called me by when I was alive."

"Goodnight then, Eileen." Merlin murmured, and added a silencing spell to his steps. If he did this again he'd remember that first, rather than be stuck on the she's-a-ghost-haunting-Uther thing. He wasn't planning to join her, or burn simply to entertain the masses. Nope.

Strangely enough, when Merlin lay down again it was much easier to let his mind drift, and when the nightmares came, he could have sworn this time he was just a little less alone with them.


	20. Chapter 20

"I suppose after you reliving all… _that_ yesterday I do owe you _something_ in return."

"That _was_ the deal Princess, if a knight's word is his bond, and you are the knightliest of knights, I expect you to keep it."

Arthur waved Gwaine over to the chair. "Well go on, sort the-what was it you called it? Liquid courage?"

"Didn't think you needed any of that, sire."

"For this I do." Arthur's face went still like stone, and he sunk into the opposite seat. "For the first questions, no. Uther doesn't _hug_. I think maybe twice? When he thought I was unconscious, my first serious injury, and after the bite of the questing beast- which is always fatal."

Gwaine raised one eyebrow slightly, knowing that he was being obvious, "I can't help noticing, Princess, that you are very much _not dead."_

"Fatal except that one time."

"Arthur…."

"Shut up. I never asked, it seemed like _a bad idea."_

"Shutting up sire. Aye, he never did seem like the _warm, fuzzy_ type."

Arthur sighed. "You should have seen him with Morgana when we were young. He was quite happy to embrace _her_ , drop the occasional kiss to her forehead, _touch_ her while she was awake without looking like he was sticking his hand in a vipers nest. I never really understood why then. He would offer power _or_ affection. Not both. I think as kids we _both_ wanted what we couldn't have. Morgana was always desperate for the power, small things initially, like being allowed to train with a sword- you know I went against father to teach her? Without it she'd have died a long time ago." He sighed. "I think it might have broken both of us, if I'd had the chance to prevent it and not acted, even now the girl from then is hard to reconcile to the witch we know now."

Gwaine seemed to hesitate for a moment. "Arthur… I know you don't know a _lot_ about _magic_ , but I thought you knew that much. Witches and sorceresses are different. A witch can't choose. The magic is a part of them, inborn, like emotion. Reacts to that too. It's awful when they uh… are _growing up_. I doubt that living in the household where one takes sup under the watchful eyes of Uther Pendragon is a situation she'd have chosen it in, don't you? I mean, it's not like resources to learn are very available here, and I know Gaius, Gwen, and Merlin have nearly burned. She knew well that being close to him probably wasn't enough to avoid men like Aredian."

Arthur appeared frozen in place. "Can't choose?"

Gwaine shook his head emphatically. "No."

"But it's always a choice whether or not to use it."

"No, Arthur. I meant it when I said as innate as emotion. They can't choose. Without anyone to help learn control, they have no idea _how_ , it can lie dormant and hit them unexpectedly at a certain age. Ever tried telling a woman to 'control' hormones, or their flow? _Young_ men to control the _reaction_ of their dick? They literally _can't."_

Arthur felt sick, his past actions taking on a whole new dimension of horror.

"I didn't… _why_ wouldn't anyone say that?"

"Would you have listened?" Gwaine kept the accusation from his voice. It wouldn't help, Arthur was capable of his own self flagellation.

"No. I… No. I'd have thought they were lying to cover themselves or an accused."

Gwaine nodded, drinking deeply of the mead.

"That first execution at seven, it was for magic, wasn't it?"

Arthur sounded almost as though he choked back a sob, "What else? Only four crimes in Camelot carry a guaranteed death penalty. I thought it was a more merciful justice than anywhere."  
"Which four?"

"Well the other three are obvious, aren't they? Murder, slave trading, though a visiting king may _bring_ his own slaves on a diplomatic mission, and procurement of children. Use of magic and harbouring a sorcerer are the only other capital crimes."

"Indeed."

Arthur swallowed against the _feelings_ that threatened to spill from him.

"Easy there, Princess. No pushing, right? When did you first try and join the knights?"

Arthur dragged up a bitter-sweet smile. "I was four. Leon's father scooped me up and set me in front of him, said to hold tight, and took off across the field. It seemed like we were going so _fast_. I think he really must have been going barely more than a canter, but the horse itself was so much higher than I was used to it _felt_ like we were flying. He lifted me down after and my legs were like jelly. The next morning I turned up and announced I was going to be a knight. Leon's father agreed with me and said I'd be the best of them all. Didn't even show a shred of doubt, though I'm sure he was more amused than anything. It wasn't a good idea to laugh at the king's son. Especially when I was learning to be _bratty_ \- don't dare tell Merlin I said that, _ever_."

"I don't have to. It worked."

"Oh, believe me, I am not the same man that I was back when we first met. Leon remembers, and Guinivere, though the others at the table don't. I'd rather you didn't ask them about _that_ , but it's not something I wish to regress to, or see in my own heir."

"Trying to meet the expectations of others rarely ends well for a man. Especially when those around you all have different demands. Knowing what's most important to _you_ and sticking to your principles works better for most."

"What, like _you did?"_ Arthur scoffed.

"Ah, mate, I abandoned almost every principle for a while there, being alone so much was not healthy." He frowned, "It took a while, and a Merlin, to find my way back. I'm here now though, aren't I?" He smiled crookedly.

That he was, thought Arthur.

"You know there's a lot that as Prince of Camelot I can't tell you."

"Of course." Gwaine looked almost offended. "But you're trying, and acknowledging a promise made that you were left a way out of, that proves your heart and intent enough for me."

Arthur was stunned. For all he had posed his men, his servant, tests of character and loyalty from time to time, it hadn't really occurred to him that they could do the same to _him. Or_ that they might have the nerve and balls to do it.

Gwaine's grin spread as Arthur clicked, "Oh you… you ass!"

"There you go. Nice to be on the same page Princess. We even now?"

"I don't know, might have to try it with weapons next time."

Gwaine shrugged, and frowned at his empty cup, refilling it, "I'm always up for a decent fight."

" _Decent fight?"_

"Hey, from me it's a compliment, don't knock it."

Arthur scowled.

"You really taught Morgana to fight after Uther forbade it?"

Arthur nodded, twisting his goblet. "Lied to him to do it, too. He thought I had a crush on her, which in hindsight is really creepy that he encouraged."

Gwaine looked ill, "Aye. I mean your sister's gorgeous and all, but she's _your sister,_ evil smirking and oddly heavy cosmetics aside, he knew that and still- just ick. My standards can't be described as 'high'", here Arthur snorted, "But even _I'd_ never look at a sister, and not just 'cause she's terrifying- which by the way, Morgana is too."

"That she is. She always was. You know she was the first one I _saw_ openly challenge Father and live? I should have asked why _then_ , he looked almost proud, but if _I_ even questioned him, I'd spend a night cooling off in chains, or if he was _really_ pissed get a back hander in front of the _knights_." Gwaine cringed.

"Sooo, I should cancel the order for his 'father of the year' goblet then?"

Arthur smiled, he appreciated Gwaine's ability to extract the information without making it too _girly_ and making him deal with all his feelings in front of him. He knew they were _there_ , of course he did, but let the man keep just enough of his _Prince_ persona to not feel completely open and vulnerable.

"I don't think he'll be needing it, no."

"Maybe it's a king thing."

Arthur pursed his lips, glancing quickly towards the door, "I don't think _Merlin's_ father was a king, but that cup's not required either."

Gwaine inclined his head. "Careful what you say about the man there, it's a lot more complicated than that, and you're a damn lucky man that _he's_ the most forgiving one to ever walk these lands. Don't forget it."

Arthur's expression darkened. "Gwaine, what do you know that you aren't telling me?"

"Not my secrets to share Arthur. I made a promise to _him_ first. I'm giving you a friendly warning, that's all. I won't break my word. Bonds and oaths and all that."

Arthur growled. He could hardly argue when his own ideals were being spouted.

"Fine. Be like that, but you _know_ he'll just turn around and tell me he's fine, or an open book, or was dying- shit. Gwaine. You get only only more refill. Help me find a parchment, and ink. We have a list to make."

"How about no? Nothing good ever comes from _lists_ Arthur. Executions, taxes, bills. I am fundamentally against list making."

"Gwaine? Shut up, find ink, we _are_ making a list."

"Arthur, I like you, but I _really_ think you may have had a brew too many. What in Camelot do you need to write anyway?"

"A Merlin list." He spoke as though it was entirely reasonable that he should be insisting they do so.

"Right… and what exactly are you going to _put_ on this Merlin list? Should I leave? Is this going to make things weird in the morning?"

Arthur scowled at him, "Shut up Gwaine, stop thinking with your cock for one minute and sit at the damn table. We're going to make a list of Merlin-tells for when he is lying!" He announced, looking absurdly pleased with himself.

"Are you _sure_ Arthur? _Really sure?"_ The Prince almost flinched at the serious way Gwaine said it, suddenly looking much less inebriated than moments before.

Raising his own gaze to meet Gwaine's he swallowed, nodding. "He's never- he's never going to tell me all of it. I'm not sure he even notices when he's lying some of the time, when everyone else was thrown by the sudden inability to speak the truth he slid into it fluently. It took him _seconds_. Half the time his lies are terrible, but mixed with truth, and most of the time it's too much trouble to try and untangle, or bad timing. I won't demand the past, but perhaps I could notice better in future. I mean, _everyone_ would lie about women's dresses, or hangovers, but dying in a forest is a pretty weird cover. I promised not to _push him_ for the truth, not to pay less attention."

Gwaine looked ambivalent but handed Arthur the quill, sitting down and folding his arms.

"You know this could go wrong if Merlin finds out."

"Well don't tell him then."

"Arthur, the man _cleans your chambers_."

Arthur grinned, "Not everywhere he doesn't, not since that one time he went in the bedside drawers."

"Oh. My. God. _Arthur,_ I did _not_ need to know that."

"Consider it payback for the thousand times I've been subjected to your conquest stories."

"Noted. What have you got so far?"

"Twitches, unnaturally brightly declaring something grim, looking away when he speaks."

"Put brightly declaring something grim with unnatural cheer under an indicator of truth, add the word tavern for lies." Gwaine kept his input minimal, if he didn't say _anything_ then Arthur would just go to Lancelot, who had….loyalty issues and was far too honest, once Arthur got an idea in his head he rarely let it go.

He looked up, surprised, "Really? I thought he was often there?"

"Only when I can drag him along."

"And you never thought to mention that before?"

Gwaine rolled his eyes, "Every man deserves _some_ privacy Princess, if he's got someone waiting, I'm not going to pry."

"You choose some really odd places to draw boundaries, you don't stay out of anyone else's relationships or flings." Arthur was _just_ drunk enough for Gwaine not to react to that other than with a light smile. "Merlin has enough people invading and trying to control his life without me demanding answers too."

Arthur set down the quill and blew on the ink. "It's a start."

"Arthur, why are you pursuing this? Why now?" Gwaine let the concern show, the two men he cared most for needed each other, not to be working _against_ one another.

The prince sighed deeply, "Because he matters, Gwaine, and I don't think he realises that. He's been turning up _injured_ , and not saying, and denying anything, blaming unrelated chores, or shrugging it off. Lying about being wasted is one thing, but not telling me about wounds I want to avoid reopening- and the fury from some practices tells me you've seen the blood- is dangerous for _all_ of us. I need to know how he's getting hurt, why he won't tell me, and who I need to deal with to stop it."

Gwaine was silent. It actually made sense. The prince's reluctance to accept it in the future, him trying, badly, to protect Merlin, the odd moods. Wavering between genuine irritation at the man's _obvious_ lies, and over-protective moments that to others appeared completely random, or (to Gwaine at least) guilt induced. Their friend picked his next words very carefully,

"He always has Princess. So what changed?"

Arthur was silent so long that Gwaine thought he wasn't going to answer, when he did, it was no admission the man had ever expected to _hear_ from the Prince.

"I did."

Arthur did not _do_ hugs. Or much that was non-violent, so Gwaine simply placed a hand on his shoulder firmly, letting his presence be felt.

"Merlin told me once, the first time, that you were _worth_ dying for. Now I believe it. Goodnight Sire."

Gwaine picked up the Merlin-list and put it in the bedside drawer of shame, leaving Arthur to his thoughts.


	21. Chapter 21

Merlin couldn't shake the anxiety, whatever had happened out last time had slightly changed the dynamic between the Prince and Gwaine, they'd spent the past two nights together, which they'd never done before. Not that they'd ever displayed any particular antipathy towards each other off the training field, but this was _different_.  
When he realised the man was going up the second time he had found himself asking what it was about and all Gwaine had said was "Keeping a promise." Then clasped his shoulder and stared intently at him before adding "Both of them." He hadn't really known what to say to that.

It took him until he had finished everything, and made the salves and decoctions for the morning that wouldn't keep long to stop long enough to remember those.

He hadn't told either Prince or king of the effect their ordeal had had on Gaius.  
He could still function in his role, certainly, and Merlin _needed_ his knowledge and experience, but it _had_ weakened him, and he'd no doubt that that was enough for Uther to remove Gaius as Court Physician. While he also wouldn't allow anyone _except_ Gaius to treat him. Nonsense dealing with the king was now just a part of Merlin's daily life.

It probably was a little abnormal that he felt almost a sense of relief when the odd chill of last night ran through him, he turned round and smiled, noticing that despite the fact she was floating, he was taller than her. "Eileen." He sat down so that he wasn't looking towering over her, "I wasn't sure you'd come."

She looked at the bed and stool and frowned. "Of course I came back. Ugh, stupid things." She grumbled, glaring at the stool.

He raised an eyebrow, and she rolled her eyes. "They are like doors. I can't sit down, and well, it feels awkward to have one of standing and the other not- which is not something I am used to any more." Merlin thought for a moment. "What about me?"

Eileen looked at him strangely. "What?"

"You can touch me, I can sit down, and you weigh nothing, is there a reason sitting on my lap wouldn't work? Or is that _too awkward_ for the ghost who wanders unannounced into men's bedrooms at night?"

"Shut up Merlin. You knew it was me."

"A surprising number of people say that, but yes I did. You are, so far, the only _returning_ ghost I've met."

She decided to test his theory anyway, it had been a _long_ time, and she seriously doubted anyone else was going to offer the same thing, leaving her a long time to regret turning it down. She couldn't help smiling brightly when it worked.

He looked at her carefully, "How old are you, Eileen?"

"Fifteen, or thirty-eight, depending on how you count it."

Merlin huffed, "Wow, yeah, I guess that must get complicated to track. No one to count birthdays."

"It's not that bad. I count Samhains 're easy to notice."

"Again, _that's not creepy at all._ "

"You invited a ghost to sit on your knee."

"Fair point. It's been a long day. Well, long week really. So how did your first night of haunting Uther go?"

She grinned. "I figured it would be useful to experiment a bit. Did you know he's afraid of spiders?"

"That's… No, no I did not."

"Yep. Something about a giant one years ago living in a cave, venomous. I thought it was quite pretty."

"You would."  
"Did you know that spiders spin silk?"

Merlin chuckled, "No, but I doubt one spider can make enough for a dress, or every woman at court would be farming the things."

"Oh, absolutely! It feels amazing, the queen used to have one, she let me feel one time."

"Ok, well I don't have the space or patience for spider farming, so I'm afraid you're out of luck."

The ghost tilted her head to look at him properly, "Has anyone ever told you you're a little odd, Merlin?"

"All the time. I'm still not the ghost chatting in the bedroom of a man she's met only once before."

"I guess so. Anyway, giant spiders, he doesn't care about blood, I really wish he did, it's rather upsetting. He doesn't like the dark closing in. Oh, and you were in his dream."  
"That is- that is not something I ever wanted to know Eileen."

"Ew, no. Although he thinks you are _Arthur's_ anyway."  
Not the first time he'd the theory but still… "Again, ew, no."

Eileen shrugged, "Well, each to their own I guess. Arthur's hot."

"Eileen, if you ever say those words again in my bedroom I swear I will find a way to ghost-lock the bit of dead tree."

"Right, well anyway, he was yelling at you for something."  
Merlin nodded, relieved, "Ok, that sounds more like the Uther I know."

"He _hates_ dragons."  
"Not a surprise, they hate him back. Can't blame them at all."

"No. Me neither. Did you know that they couldn't burn the Dragonlords. It doesn't work. Fireproof you see? At least normal, unmagical fire."

"Uh… that information is extremely unsettling and more useful that you could possibly know. Or maybe you could, I suppose- where have you _been_ for the last twenty years?" She shrugged.

"Here and there. I avoided the dungeons though, and the vaults. They upset me and I get _ragey_."

"Yeah, I know that one. Is there anything more than spiders, oppressive darkness, and dragons you can give me to work with?"

"In one night? No. I thought that was pretty good work for my first night!"

Merlin hurriedly tried to reassure the girl, "Oh, yeah, I mean that's great, I can totally work with this. If you want, you could come one night to dinner when I'm serving, just stand silently in the corner where he can see you, and say _nothing_ you creepy woman. Maybe a feast sometime. He'll be stuck, as leaving would mean admitting you exist and are there. I mean, if _I_ was a bored ghost, and only one person could see me, I'd be tempted to pester them in company not just when they were alone. Unless someone else takes day shift already."

Eileen grimaced, "No, most of them are a bit anti-social after so long, and stuffy nobles often don't make the best company."  
Merlin shrugged. "Try the knight's table. There are a few peasanty-common ones there now, and you might overhear a few jokes, or at least gossip. For gossip, try Leon. He's a noble, but he gossips like an old biddy."

"Huh. Well, no one has told me any jokes for a long time."

"Sorry. I can't think of any right now. Next time maybe." He realised belatedly that he's essentially invited the girl back again. Yep. There was definitely something wrong with him. It wasn't an issue he could ask for advice for though. Gwaine would be insufferable if he asked for jokes suitable to tell a girl. Arthur would look at him, tell him he was an idiot, and that clearly he had too much time on his hands if he was worried about non x-rated jokes, and Percival- well he didn't think he'd ever _heard_ the man joke. He could possibly ask Lance, but then he'd have to answer questions about why he was entertaining ghosts, and why he wasn't trying to ghost-proof his chambers. Since he honestly did know all of the answers himself beyond 'she knows about my magic, and likes it.' that wasn't really an option. Plus, Lancelot was already worried about him, and it was getting annoying. He loved Lance, really, he did, but sometimes he appeared to forget that Merlin was a full grown human, who survived insane shit all the time, and it was sometimes just nice to talk to someone who got the fact the world was _bigger_. Which Lancelot… Lancelot still _didn't_ really.

"Look, you're going to be late if you don't get a move on, do you remember the way?"  
"Yes, thank you Merlin." She used his shoulder to steady herself as she stood, it not being a movement she was familiar with after over twenty years out of practice. "You just make sure spiders or dragons crop up tonight, alright?" He winked. This could be fun.  
Sure, he couldn't actually _kill_ Arthur's father, and as Gwen had said, that would be kind of the same as Uther's revenge slaughter, and Merlin had felt terrible after losing control with Nimue. He could screw with him a _little_ bit though, surely?

If he was _careful._

Suppressing his grin when a couple of unusually large spiders crawled over Uther's hand at dinner that evening, and the elaborate web decorated the corners of his chamber doors later was not easy. He was careful to keep it subtle enough that no one could claim sorcery, no matter how tempting it was to have a thousand or so spiders erupt from his goblet. He figured that might be a little too obvious to miss. Even here.

Now he just had to settle on how to work in the dragons.


	22. Chapter 22

The next night Gwaine didn't go to Arthur's chambers, the Prince didn't let Merlin go early. It was almost the same as before the botched hunting trip and sorceress.

Just… not quite.

The air between them felt different. Merlin could swear he felt Arthur's eyes on him more frequently, when _he_ wasn't looking. He told himself it was lingering paranoia and regret, and tried to silence the thoughts with work.

The strangest part was when he had been scrubbing something unnecessarily hard earlier, Arthur's hand had dropped to his arm, pulling him back. "Stop, Merlin. It's clean" he'd been frozen for several minutes as Arthur walked away without looking back, as though it was nothing unusual. He muttered a mild healing spell in the corner over his bleeding knuckles where no-one would see.

Nothing obvious had changed, but it _felt_ to Merlin as though it had.

Instead, when he did get off, Gwaine turned up at _his_ chambers, sat down calmly and _waited_ as Merlin continued to prepare the necessary remedies for morning, until he finally cracked and turned to face his friend, "WHAT? What is wrong that you have to be here _watching_ , is there something bleeding or oozing, or is the prat looking for me again, because I am _not_ going to the tavern, and I am _not_ some bloody mime for entertainment."

Gwaine didn't turn and run, or start relating some wild story. Instead he laughed- quietly, as though it mattered that Gaius was sleeping, "Well, aren't _we_ dramatic tonight. I think Princess might have a rival. Actually I was just waiting until you were done, you seemed busy, and there was fire involved so…"

"Gwaine, if you don't explain what's going on _right now_ I am going to lace your next morning after potion with an emetic."

He sighed heavily. "Alright. Take _that_ off the heat first, I'll wait in your room, it's a bit complicated, and I didn't want you to be drawing any wrong conclusions."

"Oi, what if I _need_ my room, or had someone in there?"

"Merlin, you _never_ have anyone in there, and if you _did_ then you wouldn't be bent over Gaius table smelling of weird herbs and I don't want to know what."

"Alright, you're not wrong there, and I've not had a lot of free time lately."

"How long do you need?" It would be _difficult_ if the girl who _did_ now visit him turned up early.

Gwaine ducked his head, uncharacteristically quiet. "As long as it takes, Merlin."

That wasn't good. "You want a drink? It's not like the stuff Arthur serves, but-"  
"Nah, I've got you covered." He waved a large flagon that Merlin had failed to spot earlier, distracted as he was. "Right, of course you do. So what am _I going to drink?"_ Gwaine chuckled "Knowing you? About half a pint if you want to stay awake."

Finishing the necessary tidy up he wasn't far behind the man.

The first time Gwaine had been there he'd been bandaged, after just another tavern fight.

Now he hoped it wasn't the last time he'd be welcome.

There weren't many options as far as seating was concerned, as it was never intended to _be_ a bedchamber. So Gwaine let Merlin choose the bed or the chair, before deciding it was simpler just to have one of the them at each end. "Here," He handed over the ale, "This isn't a trick Merlin. What I told you in the forest hasn't changed. You're troubled though, that much is obvious, and you are my first friend. Princess and I made an agreement. I kept it, because he did, and that was- that wasn't easy, for either of us Merlin. I told him what I ran from, what I never looked back to, am still running from really. He gave me something of himself in return.

It seems fair, since you are the only person who ever managed to stop me running, that you are given the answers to that too. Though you'd be the only other to know.  
What I am offering you right now is a choice. It's not a demand, or an order, it's not a condition of our friendship. If you refuse, nothing changes, we keep all our secrets, and our questions, and I come when you have a particularly insane idea without asking. So don't agree to something for the wrong reasons, or think I'm trying to force your hand. Nothing you say here reaches Princess, like nothing the Princess said gets handed to you. I _am_ offering to be a practice run for telling someone the hard things. Or just to listen. Think about it before you answer, alright. That's the other reason for the weak ale. It's a decision to make sober."

"And here I was thinking you advocated for decisions made mead-soaked."  
"Aye, well, there's that. Not tonight though, there's enough nights left to drown in a barrel."  
"You know, whatever Arthur's told you about my girlish habits, heart to hearts aren't really my thing. Unless y'know, there's a campfire in the wilds, and the stars are out."

"Merlin, you don't even do spill-your-guts talks under a truth spell- and don't try telling me it wasn't a very good one, that woman wasn't a hedge-witch, she had the skill to do it properly."

He rolled his eyes and grimaced at the ale. It really was _bad_. "Fine. You know what, you're right. I've no idea how to share."

Gwaine watched as his friend's face contorted. "Look, you're conflicted, I get that. So either start small, or go _really_ big, and then everything after that is easier."

Merlin looked him over thoughtfully, evaluating. Gwaine felt as though he was being dissected.

"You want me to start with a fact?" The knight asked, reaching to take a swig of the ale, unsurprised when he friend nodded.

"Well as so far only myself, you, and the Princess know here in Camelot, I am the son of a noble. As I explained to him extremely recently, that noble happens to be King Caerleon. Making me the king's bastard, who disowned the man, lived rough from thirteen, and technically would be the closest they have to a legitimate male heir after his only _actual_ legitimate son picked a fight with Princess a few years back. After what he did to my family, and the support he received in it, I've no intention of ever going back."

He returned the ale to a floundering Merlin

"I hope I didn't break you mate, I just figured me leading with something bigger might make it less scary. Your turn."  
"Huh. Yeah, I guess 'big' is a fair description of that. Um… do you want a fact that is practical for tonight, or an equivalently misplaced confession?"

"Whatever you are ready to offer." Merlin looked at him and there really didn't seem to be a qualification to it. "Ok. I'm expecting a visitor tonight, again, who's been coming by for… uh, advice and chats."

"Oh, am I actually interrupting something?"

"No! Well, yes, sort of, but not what you think. That… that would be seriously weird, see, she's dead."

"Dead?" Gwaine arched a brow at Merlin.

"Yes." he said, very matter of factly.

"And is visiting you for chats."

"And advice, yes."

"Merlin, you realise how crazy that sounds, right?"

"I really do Gwaine, which is why I haven't told anyone, but if it makes you feel better, she just got lost on her way to haunt Uther. It's not like she was _looking_ for me or anything."

"Huh." Gwaine looked as though he was trying to digest one of cooks punishment buns. "Is she pretty?"

" _What?"_

"Is she pretty? Your dead girl."

"You know how you said _I_ sounded crazy?..."

"..."

"Yes, ok? She's pretty, not that it matters, but she's also kind of too young for me, and too old, and more to the point _undead_."

"Right. Do you have to leave the door open now?"

"Nooo, she just… sort of… comes through it." Merlin twitched a little. It sounded surprisingly plausible for Camelot.

"Of course she does."

Merlin watched as his friend continued as though it was perfectly reasonable for him to have visits from spirits. "Gwaine?"

"Yes Merlin?"

"Your father was really the king?"

Gwaine cocked his head, locking gazes to make sure Merlin was listening before replying.

"No Merlin. I was sired by a king. My _Father_ died fighting the king's petty battle. One man fucked my mother and I was the result. The other raised me and didn't treat me any different from bloodkin, knowing damn well what I was."

"I think… If you." Merlin closed his eyes and lay back. "Gwaine. I can't do this, I can't tell you." Gwaine nodded, it wasn't unexpected really, he was about to reach for the ale again when Merlin sat bolt upright and grabbed him, a slightly wild look in his eyes.

"Merlin?"

"I can't _tell_ you, but maybe- if you want to know where _I_ come from, I could _show_ you instead?"  
Gwaine could feel the tension in the younger man's frame as he made the offer, waves of nervousness rolling off him.

"Yeah, ok. We can do that if it's easier."

Merlin laughed, edging hysteria. "Easier, Oh gods, I'll have to tell him that when he gets here- there. Gwaine, we have to take a walk!"

"Merlin?"

"Yeah?" He turned away from the door,

"Your boots."

"My what?"

"You're not wearing any."

"Ah, yes, I'm going to need those. Thanks Gwaine."

He was just hauling the second one on when a chill spread through him, this time, unlike Gwaine, he didn't shiver. Instead waving between them, "Eileen, this is Gwaine, Gwaine, this is Eileen, my pretty ghost."

"You _told him?"_

"Well, a little bit, not much. I figured it would be less rude than ignoring you, and letting friends walk _through you_."

"And he doesn't think you're crazy?"

"Oh no, Gwaine's known for years I'm a little crazy, it's part of my charm, but fortunately it doesn't seem to bother him too much."

Gwaine stared at the empty space that Merlin seemed to be addressing. "Well, lovely to meet you Eileen, a pleasure, I promise I'll do my best _not_ to walk through you, and I'll return him just as he is by morning." He grinned.

"Oh _I see_ , he's crazy too."

"Yes. A little. Probably just enough. You know it would be much easier if the whole telepathy thing worked with you."

Gwaine rolled his eyes, _this_ was exactly why Merlin shouldn't drink. "Sorry, it doesn't work on people who are between worlds, our minds are either in two at once or neither quite enough, so no. The old one used to be able to use it, but I never could before anyway."

Merlin sighed, "That's inconvenient. Good luck tonight, I just need to show _him_ something, and I can't do it in the citadel."

"Oh, well I'll stop back later. I just wanted to say thank you for helping."

"You're welcome Eileen, glad to be of service. Goodnight."

Merlin grabbed Gwaine, pulling him along behind him, knowing that if he stopped to actually _think_ about what he was doing he'd likely lose his nerve.

Fortunately no-one really questioned a knight much, making it easing than it ought to be for them to slip past the guards, Gwaine didn't comment on how practised Merlin was at it, wondering what he should be preparing himself for. He remained quiet as he followed his friend, no wanting to panic him any further.

Nothing could have prepared him for the man striding forcefully into the middle of a large field, throwing his head back, and bellowing in a language that Gwaine was quite certain was supposed to be long dead.

"Sit." He commanded, without looking back. Gwaine didn't argue. "Did you bring anything alcoholic with you?"

"Not really, just the last bit of ale I'm afraid, why?"

"Because at least one of us is going to need it. I didn't exactly warn Kilgarrah I was bringing anyone along, and um... He can be a bit overwhelming at first. Or ever."

"Right… Merlin, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that this Kilgarrah is _not_ the Father you lost, and the whole 'yelling at the sky thing'? There are stories about that, so, can I have dibs on that ale for when, as you put it 'he arrives'?"

"There are no such stories in Camelot, and there certainly weren't in Ealdor." If there had been, Merlin would have devoured them long ago.  
"Must have come as quite a shock then."

A dark shadow covered them and Merlin scrambled to his feet to great his brother. Gwaine, far more cautiously stood, being careful not to place his hand on the sword-hilt.

"Well that certainly explains a lot."

Merlin leaned his forehead against Kilgarrah's "I had to tell him."

"Your choices are your own young warlock, I simply assumed your first would be the king."

Gwaine hissed something about a prince."Not that one, idiot. Arthur."

"Right, well, at least now the pheasants make sense."  
"Merlin, did he suffer an injury on the way here?"

"No, Kilgarrah, he's always like that, he means the wyverns."

" _That_ young warlock would be a very unfortunate mistake to make indeed. So, are you going to tell me why you summoned me tonight, or must I try and guess from your appearance, because dishevelled doesn't help much on you."

"Shut it 'Garrah, I work _hard_ , as you well know. Plus, whenever I do call you it's always when I've walk for miles to a safe spot, or I'm bleeding out, or the worse for wear after battling serkets- dammit, you know what Gwaine, if you could just forget that part, that'd be great-"

"Still busy absorbing the 'dragons still exist and my best friend is- wait, you _are_ a Dragonlord, right? Or should I be a _lot_ more concerned right now about being alone with a full grown dragon, when no-one knows we're here." Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah, I brought you all the way out here, to a remote spot just to sacrifice you to a dragon no one knows about in the middle of the night, and he just happened to show up all by himself. No loud summoning here.

Yes Gwaine, of course I'm a Dragonlord. The Last dragonlord actually, though no one saw fit to tell me- including _you_ " He jabbed a finger in the direction of the Great dragon, "so don't start about Gaius- who my father was, or what, or that it's an inherited thing until the day before a met him."

"Days before he died and you became..." Murmured Gwaine.

Merlin stopped short, "Wait, what did you think you were going to do against a half-grown dragon? Or _any_ dragon after it's learn to flame, without me?"

Gwaine shrugged "I don't know, I've never really thought about it. Never had to. I'm figuring in future just shout your name _really loudly_ or offer them the nearest deer?"

"Well, it's a more promising tactic than waving swords, and is thinking outside the box. For survival chances out of all the knights I'm betting on you, provided you don't drown in a barrel before your next birthday."

"No reason to do that now." It was offered quietly, and the tone took the edge off Merlin's residual nervousness.

"Would… Would you like to meet him properly, I mean, please, can I introduce you? There's a lot that I'm not ready to tell you, or talk about, but this isn't something I can ask of Arthur after everything that passed between them."

Gwaine pulled him into a quick hug. "I trust you Merlin. I'd be honoured."

Yes, he was absolutely terrified, if he'd been alone, Gwaine knew this would _not_ have been ok, but he _wasn't alone_. He was with Merlin. Who had already saved them a bunch of times, and sent away wyverns. The dragon could probably smell fear, and sweat, and sense the lie it was, but for Merlin, he'd kill instincts before monsters. "Come on then." The shining smile from Merlin was worth it.

"Kilgarrah, this is Gwaine, one of the knight's of the round table."  
"Yes, Caerleon's kin, I see him in you. Strength followed the path to Magic and Courage, I approve, young warlock, he has been a good friend to you indeed, more than you yet know."  
"Ah, no, not anymore. There was an argument years ago, where I renounced him, blood, rank, all of that; and I've met far better people away from that mess. Thank you though, I think."

"Gwaine, this is Kilgarrah, the Great Dragon, _currently_ the last dragon, and my soul-brother. He is the only remainder of my blood kin, with Hunith. You are the first person I've introduced to him, though I regret that we do not speak more often."

"Brother? Not Lord?"

"It's complicated. Technically yes, I am Kilgarrah's Lord and he is Bound to my will. I abused it foolishly once before, before I understood. Not a mistake I would ever make again, we are- a part of each other I guess. Not whole alone. It's similar with Arthur. I can't explain it, and don't ask _this_ _one_ to, he'll just give you metaphors about two sided coins and destiny and shit, oh- and riddles. Can't forget the riddles."

"Huh, I like riddles." Merlin didn't notice how wide Gwaine's eyes had got at the coins part. "So you really never read the books with that sort of _metaphor_ in, Merlin?" He couldn't shift his eyes from his friend, though he knew he should, before it was noticed. Merlin shrugged, "Gaius didn't have them, and I can't exactly go and ask Geoffrey. "No, you definitely _can't_ do that. Just do me a favour Merlin, and _never_ mention that coin to Geoffrey or in front of Uther."

Gwaine finally managed to turn towards Kilgarrah and bowed unusually low for _him,_ "Well, Kilgarrah, it has truly been a privilege, and- and _enlightening_. I solemnly give you my oath that I will do everything in my power to protect your Lord, though I believe after knowing him for- did you know him before in the castle- Oh _no_ he didn't! Oh gods." Gwaine groaned, "You will _definitely_ be aware of his penchant for danger, and the challenge in protecting him from _himself_. I'll do everything I can. One more thing, though I _am_ hesitant about asking any _favours_ from someone like you, but is it true that dragons can heal?"

"It is true, young knight. Ask your 'favour'."

"Can you sort out this idiot's leg, his ribs, and hand, because he thinks I haven't noticed. Then was making up all sorts of potions, brews, and ointments a to treat half of Camelot's aches and pains when I turned up tonight, and hasn't sorted himself out." Kilgarrah rolled his eyes and huffed smoke. Gwaine wondered if he'd gone to far until the dragon growled, "Merlin, is this true?"

"He's exaggerating, it's not that bad."  
"Merlin?"

"Fine, it was sore. The ribs are almost knit again though, alright, gods you're such a bunch of worriers, I swear Lancelot is catching."

"Merlin! Remove your shirt right now!"

He sighed. "Fine." He caught Gwaine's shoulder and searched his face, "Look, I appreciate what you're doing, and this- I can't tell you what it means to me, but there are things I'm not- not ready for. Please. If you want me to cooperate, turn around, shut your eyes, and I'll let him heal me, I can't explain a _lot_ yet."

Gwaine's voice was low, and as gentle as he could make it with a massive dragon waiting on them mere feet from him, "Oh I know Merlin, believe me, _I know_ , only ever when you are ready, _if_ you are ever ready. We all carry scars, they signify you survived, even when there is loss. You don't owe me any explanations. My own favourite, is a long gash I picked up in a bar-fight, met these two crazy men. One's a complete prat, the other's a bit of an idiot, it's a funny story really, I should tell you some time." He winked and turned his back, "Eyes are shut now, knock yourself out."

It didn't take long, Kilgarrah never did.

"Alright Gwaine, you can turn around, sorry for the girly moment, I just-"

"Hey, relax, I mean if you _want_ me to start calling you 'sweetheart' I will, but I figured you were just saving your _own_ less fun ordeals for your own nightmares. I mean, you didn't give away cracked ribs _at all,_ that wasn't your first time. Honestly the Dragonlord- which if you hadn't noticed yet are always magical- and still-surviving dragon is going to take me a few days to get my head around- no offence Kilgarrah, really, _please_ don't be offended." The dragon snorted smoke at him, and grinned, showing all his teeth. "See, I'm _hoping_ that's amusement, but you're my first dragon, so I have nothing to go on."

"Uhm, don't worry about 'Garrah, he's mellowed out a bit more, he just enjoys messing with humans, and doesn't get the opportunity often."

The dragon sighed, "Few humans these days have a sense of humour."

"Kilgarrah. You are a massive, flying, arrow-proof, dragon the size of several great- halls who has teeth that occasionally give _me_ pause, and breathe incineration-level fire at will. Just be glad they are growing the slightest bit of sense. They drive _me_ demented half the time. Seriously, who takes on a griffin with a normal sword? Half of them are fucking mad."  
Gwaine watched them bicker in bemusement before reaching out and gripping Merlin's shoulder. "Merlin, I say this to you as a good friend; you are the last person to ever get to call anyone else mad for their approach to attackers and running carelessly into danger. I have blackmail and am not afraid to use it, _and_ on that point, you have a not-tryst to be at very soon with a pretty ghost."

Kilgarrah perked up a bit, "Is that so? I hope it is not the screaming one."

"Well, he says she is, and no screaming came up, but I can't see or hear her so…"

"I thought they were still moping."

Merlin shook his head. "Nope. Actually I think you'd rather approve of their approach these days, though I can't offer details with company."

"Well then, by all means go see your pretty ghost. Just promise me that any details will not involve your angsty relationship things. I do have limits."

"Ooh I guarantee you that is not a thing. You pair do know what dead means, right?"

Gwaine smirked, "Apparently not, Merlin. No one ever comes to see _me."_

"I'll make it a point for someone to do so. They need new jokes, and gossip."

"She needs to talk to Leon."

"That's what I said."

"You're dithering, Merlin."

"Yeah. I know." Merlin frowned, wondering if he'd made a terrible mistake, and wishing that he could fly away like Kilgarrah did. "I don't like watching him fly away. Or feeling it."

"Young warlock your burden is not easy to bear, but perhaps, it can be shared. Just a little. I would have expected not to be the first thing you shared voluntarily with another, but the gesture does not go unappreciated. Your friend is sincere in his oath, and in his heart. Go home Merlin. I am not your only kin."

Merlin nodded, and rested a hand against the dragon's snout. "Thank you, old friend." He looked up to the other creature of the Old religion. "I know now what my name means. If today is a day for speaking long buried truths, thank you, for never telling me _that."_

"I _have_ made _many_ mistakes, young one, but I believed it would have been cruel to do so."

"Destiny always is. You chose well in this, Kilgarrah. Fly high, and fly free."

The dragon dipped his head, "When you call, I will come, my Lord."

Merlin chuckled as Kilgarrah took off, shielding his eyes from the dirt thrown by great sweeps of huge wings.

Merlin brushed tears from his eyes as the adrenaline began to wear off and Gwaine pulled him into a hug. "Come on. Never keep a pretty girl waiting. If you are wondering what I am going to tell Arthur about this, it's nothing. I think that they forget we have seen other places. Lived where magi lived peacefully. Some of them. Like non-magic folk some were dicks. It wasn't because of the magic. If we were caught sneaking out, you went walking and I followed you. Technically not even a lie. I caught up to you in a field. Just like 'my father is a noble'. Next time you have broken ribs though, tell us. They'll heal faster if you don't ignore them. Same for other injuries. He may not show it, what with being a self centred, emotionally stunted prat, but Arthur cares about you a lot more than you think. I _care_ , and I know Lancelot does. Leon lives in fear of the day you resign, despite your clear intent to remain within ten feet of the Prince at all times."

Merlin's mind was whirling, he had done it, told someone something, something _real,_ on his terms. "Thank you Gwaine. That was... This is the first time I have ever told anyone deliberately about this _side_ of my life. There are years of _Stuff_ there, and if I bring it all out into the light, I honestly don't know how I would survive it, and that is completely ignoring the probably burning issue."

"No one is asking you to. Not even the princess. I mean, he is probably screaming it in his head at _all_ of us periodically, but it really does not count unless it's audible. Tragic that. Now, I was wondering if it might just be, given that you have been moving almost noiselessly all this way, that on hunts you have been _deliberately_ scaring away the little fluffy bunnies, and game."

Merlin looked at Gwaine seriously. "I would absolutely, never, ever do that if meat was needed."

"Uhuh." His friend sounded completely unconvinced at the faux innocence "And if someone had declared in your presence perhaps that killing things was _fun?"_

"Gwaine. Killing things should never, ever be fun I think that the balance would be very unhappy if someone conscious of its existence irresponsibly encouraged such an approach."

The knight smiled, resting an arm about Merlin's shoulders, "I don't suppose you would help me win a competition with Princess if I promised to absolutely _not_ enjoy it, even a little bit?"

"Gwaine?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

As they walked the rest of the way in silence Merlin realised that things really were less strained between them, despite the nights revelations, emotional shocks and if he was honest, raw, unadulterated fear at times. Letting someone else hold _him_ up, even if they couldn't _possibly_ carry the weight for him or make the judgements really was _better_ somehow. And he hadn't had to make himself vulnerable while someone _only_ took.

With Lancelot, there was no _darkness._ No _struggle._ He seemed unable to understand walking the edge of darkness and light and being unsure which one might win. At times even which side of the line he _stood on._ Lancelot looked at Merlin and saw his friend, with integrity and always trying to do the right thing…It was half true but Arthur and Gwaine had seen darkness, and known both. They saw subtleties and complexity where a person could be both in the right _and_ in the _wrong. Knew that fear._ He needed that. He looked at the mentor and saw after Freya how lost a good man could become. Arthur broke something in him and did it to save people, by killing a girl. He never even knew that one _._ Power was a gift, and a curse, and the more powerful he became, without trying to, the more he felt it.

The two men entered the castle and split, heading in different directions, as Gwaine made his way to the knights quarters. He _hoped,_ more than expected that tonight might encourage Merlin to begin to open up a little. He'd noticed the toll things were taking on him, the melancholy that showed a little more often. Whatever Merlin was doing here it posed no danger to Arthur, the man had literally said that he was not _whole_ without him. Another might have thought Gwen should be informed. Merlin hadn't called him on the odd aside to kilgarrah, likely putting it down to the shock of being introduced to a massive dragon and yes, that had been a shock. In all of Gwaine's many theories, last Dragon Lord hadn't cropped up.

It wasn't; because Gwaine's years travelling had not been wasted, despite the fact that he often had been. Gwaine had seen other lands and heard other stories. From certain groups that he carefully didn't remember the location of, he heard _prophecies._

That Merlin didn't know them despite all of Gaius books, the library, and the lore seemed not coincidental given how _well known_ they were, throughout the five kingdoms and further afield. Someone had gone out of their way to avoid him finding them, and Gwaine _really_ wanted to know _why._

Arthur was right. He desperately needed to practise patience... and apparently not enjoying killing fluffy bunnies.

Merlin walked back to his room far slower than usual, as everything began to sink in, from Gwaine being essential a reluctant prince in exile, to Kilgarrah trying to be kind by withholding information, to Gwaine angrily demanding he let the dragon heal him, and voluntarily talking to a ghost he couldn't see.

He wasn't home for long before Eileen came to see him, dozing, unable to let go completely.

"Merlin?" Her voice wasn't much more than a whisper, 'Come in," he mumbled, and she did, looking concerned, "Are you ok?"

"Long night is all. How was yours?"

She frowned deeply, "He is afraid of his wife Merlin. Why would he be afraid of his wife?"

Merlin groaned. " _That_ is a very long story, that I only know part of, and I am too tired to explain right now."

"I can come back tomorrow instead?"

"S'ok, Eileen. 'S'nice to not be alone."

"I don't think I'm supposed to count, Merlin."  
"You're here aren't you?" She nodded.

"Then you count. It's 'simple."  
"Is it indeed?"  
"Yep. Talk to me."  
"Alright. The annoying man is going to go and join in the council meeting this afternoon. He says I can go listen to the knight's but that they're boring. I don't think _your_ knight is boring. He was nice to me, even if he wasn't sure I'm real."

Merlin smiled. "Gwaine is many things, but he is definitely not boring."

"Does he tell jokes."

"Not ones suitable for fifteen year old's."

She giggled, "I'm unshockable. You wouldn't believe what some people do in cellars and alcoves!"

"Eileen, I'm a servant. We're practically invisible, I really, really would."

"Where were you taking him tonight?"

Merlin sighed, waving an uncoordinated hand at her, "Too many questions for so late, I took him to see an old friend. A very, very _old_ friend. It was a terrible idea, he'll ask for a ride and they'll team up against me."

His ghost was quiet when he finished.

"Was it worth it?"

"I think… I think it might just be. If I can get through the next few days, yeah, I think it might actually be ok."

He smiled softly and the girl returned it, "I hope so, Merlin. Sleep now." He tried to answer but the message was lost as he finally slipped fully into a deeper sleep than he had in months.


	23. Chapter 23

While Merlin slept, Gwaine found that he couldn't. He really had to, else Arthur would pulverise him the next morning at training, but there were so many things whirling in his mind at that moment. Not only what Merlin had shown him either, though that had been rather overwhelming.

Gaius had been a physician all his life. A _literate_ physician. He let Merlin learn foreign languages, had known his parentage and kept it from him.

Clearly he was willing to stay quiet about important things. In the years that Gwaine had been absent from Camelot, Gaius had aged visibly. Merlin and Arthur either had not noticed, or were ignoring it, but as a man got older, his mind and memory could be compromised. Waiting for long carried a genuine risk of Gaius misremembering details. There was still a question though of how much Merlin had told the man. Like whether he had mentioned the sides of the coin. Or that other thing. Like having a second name, because he did _not_ have a family name, Gwaine knew that much, and he didn't know the name of Merlin's father so couldn't help with that, or tracing it.

It was worrying.

Second names offered by dragons were never a _good_ thing. Special, yes, but when linked to the world 'destiny', well, that sent a shiver down even _Gwaine's_ spine.

Arthur seemed to be unaware of the missing sections of their library, but even if he was willing to listen, which Gwaine doubted as _lasting_ change was slow, it could not be approached or remedied while Uther lived. Why hadn't Arthur visited other courts and seen? He should have. For the meat market of Kings kids if nothing else. Yes Uther was powerful, but he wasn't the only one, and in the east the threat of the angles and saxons was growing. Separately the smaller kingdoms could not triumph they needed to unite. Or at least suspend hostilities. When he said he liked small odds he wasn't joking, but they really were getting to be more on the edge than even _he_ was comfortable being.

Did that influence the prophecies? Did the prophecies influence the opposition. Hell, had their rivals heard them? Gods he hated being this part of himself sometimes. This was why he left the past alone and lived so much in the present, well, one of the many reasons.

He absolutely could not tell Arthur, or hint to him, or any of that, else Merlin would never say anything to anyone again. Which was a far more horrifying thought than that he'd had a conversation with a fucking massive dragon in the middle of the night and even requested his help.

Merlin was a Dragon Lord. Which covered several of the odd things, such as sneaking out at night, the apparent adrenaline junkie streak, not being terrified of wild magical beasts on sight,- instead waiting for them to _act_ in a threatening manner. Gwaine had been working for quite some time on the assumption that he was at least a bit magic.

One of them had to be… He _knew_ it wasn't Arthur, or Leon, Lancelot was out, being far too sensible to come and live in Camelot with magic, Percival might easily have been, and Elyan wouldn't put Gwen in that sort of danger. Essentially that left Merlin and Percy. Some of the less savoury characters he'd met on travels insisted that Camelot had begun using magic again, but only for the King's household, because- well, as Arthur had said, the Questing beast was fatal _except that one time_ , and then there was the dragon. Surely the Purge couldn't have removed _everyone_ with a basic of understanding of how magic worked, could it? If some of the _Court_ understood, it was placing Arthur in danger, not that Merlin could possibly realise that, but Gwaine had seen inside courts before. Holding something over the Lord, or the prince, or the _king_ was considered common sense. Basic insurance. Either they truly _were_ all such fools, or Princess was aware and not broaching it, or worse he was _unaware_ and leaving himself open in ignorance. If no one _inside_ Camelot intended to try and manipulate him with this, then certainly foreign dignitaries would. Arthur would be framed as either a hypocrite, or as ignorant of the whole aspect of their world, a weakness to be taken advantage of. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Theoretically he could try and explain to Merlin, but he rather suspected his friend would act first, think later at the phrase 'possible danger to Arthur'.

Which would put _Merlin_ in danger. Unacceptable.

Fuck.

He _really_ missed having plausible deniability.

If he turned up in the library, the chances were that Geoffrey would keel over and die of a heart attack. Maybe he could _sneak_ in? Or go 'dragged along' by Merlin.

Who had no idea that any of the Great Dragon's 'riddles' held significance to others.

He really, really wanted to be wrong about _everything_ … but Morgana was making it a lot harder to convince himself of that.

No wonder the man had nightmares.

And no, he hadn't completely missed the points about 'bleeding out', and 'serket attack', no one survived a serket long enough to get help. Or a sting. Even _he_ couldn't think when Merlin would have been so badly injured that way, and he _knew_ the man had been poisoned more than once. The permanent neckie in all weathers was bloody suspicious as far as Gwaine was concerned (who kept his hair long for a reason beyond vanity about his awesome hair).

The sun was rising by the time Gwaine managed to switch off enough to sleep.

He was late to practice, but one look at his face told Arthur it wasn't because of some tavern piss-up or _entertaining_ overnight. The man looked positively haunted, which given how easily he had taken _their_ conversations was not good.

That Merlin had arrived looking as though he'd just taken some powerful stimulants did not bode well for his day.

The morning had been fine, after the waking up part. _That_ had been quite experience, as Merlin had been poked awake with _just_ enough time to get to work, to find a _different_ transparent face inches from his face, screamed like a girl, and shot out of the bed. Whereupon the apparently less _sweet_ ghost with a grizzled beard had effectively fallen about, pissing himself laughing at Merlin. Who thought it was far less amusing.

"Who are you, What- what are you even _doing_ here, I mean I know how you got in, but I'm not some bizarre form of entertainment for you lot- I'm assuming here that you are one of Eileen's cohorts, because if you aren't that would be a bloody weird coincidence."

When he finally stopped laughing and righted himself, the _new_ ghost waved a hand at him, "Of course I am, don't be an actual idiot. It would be too strange if you were when you look so like him. No, she just had to go, and didn't want to leave you alone, thought you could use a timely introduction to the day. Something gentle." He rolled his eyes, still too tender hearted, that one.

"Right. So _you_ went with the 'unexpected ghost face inches from his face' technique? And he tells _me_ not to be an idiot" muttered Merlin.

"Well yes, were you hoping for your employer storming in yelling about armour? That would be a bit odd you know."

"Odd. You know what, I don't- I don't have time for this right now." He began raking for a clean tunic, "Is this a new hobby for you guys or something? I feel like I should have been consulted about that sort of thing."

"No, no, I just thought it was better than turning up without warning at the council meeting and trying to deal with you _and_ Uther at once."

"I can see why that might _seem_ like a good idea if you haven't needed sleep for twenty years, but really, next time don't."

"You didn't mind _Eileen_ dropping in unannounced."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "I'm leaving now. Stay or go, I honestly don't care at this point. It can wait, but don't expect conversation while I'm working, the lot of you, and _please_ , don't try and imply anything indiscreet. I don't think 'we're just too different' quite covers it, and if I _was_ going to go bending the life/ death divide that way, she'd have Freya to deal with first. See you later. I'm going to talk to the sane people…. And goddess I never thought I be saying _that_ about the Prat and the knights. Scare Gaius and I will bring you back to kill you again."

"Have a good day a work then Sweetie." Smiled his visitor.

Merlin slammed the door with a growl and ran to the Princes chambers.

Between being woken by the unhelpful dead man, and introducing Gwaine to Kilgarrah last night Merlin knew that he was missing 'normal' by about two full miles this morning, and judging by Arthur's confused looks _he_ knew it too. They made it to the end of training, once the knights had left before the Prince brought it up.

"Merlin, I know it's been a _difficult_ week for everyone but really, are you suffering from a head injury? Or the wrong mushrooms at breakfast. You're even _less_ efficient than usual- which by the way is quite an achievement- and somehow also have the same nervous energy as the hunting dog pups when they know they are due some exercise."

"Long night, and a really _weird_ way of being woken up sire."

"I wish I hadn't asked."

"Next time I won't answer then." Merlin shrugged. Arthur couldn't help noticing that his gaze kept drifting towards Gwaine, and the frown when the Knight looked so troubled. He hoped the two weren't linked. That promised to make his life a lot harder.

He tried again, "You're not sick are you?"

"Why would you think that sire?" Arthur scrambled for a reasonable answer, because princes did not worry about their servant like that.

"You said long night, you've been helping Gaius, don't physicians pick up a lot of things?"

Merlin looked at him oddly, they did actually, but mostly just continued working and eventually built up an immunity.

"I've been helping Gaius for _years_ Arthur, I've had most of the common things already."

"Oh." Arthur didn't really remember Merlin taking time off sick. Injured on hunts, yes, poisoned _certainly,_ and apparently being _not at_ the tavern, but Gaius wouldn't have lied about a sickness the Prince could have contracted from his sick servant. Merlin was talking again, no, Merlin was doing the thing again where he said a great deal and nothing at the same time.

"... And that's why I think that next tournament you should compete dressed as a giant pheasant, it would be easy to collect enough feathers if… "

"Merlin! What in the name of all Camelot are you blithering about now?"

His servant grinned manically, "Ah good, you're back with us again. Which is excellent timing as there is a council meeting this afternoon and not much time to get ready for it."

Arthur groaned as Merlin mentally continued to himself 'and you _really_ need to be at this one as a sarcastic bastard of a ghost intends to take part in order to piss off your psychotic father, who had him executed a long time ago.'

It matched the groan Merlin let out as he entered the council chambers to see the _new_ ghost standing behind Uther, looking not quite malevolent, but very much the way a happy cat might who is playing with a mouse.

Glaring at him was a bad idea, because if Uther _caught_ him, he'd- well, _catch_ him.

So in addition to the usual bucolic Lords assembled, generally irritating remarks about peasants, _and_ keeping the Prat awake through a droning report that Merlin thought would be better used as part of Gaius anaesthetic kit, this afternoon he was required to listen to the ghosts asides and give _no reaction at all_.

"My, it's been a long time since we did _this_ Uther."

"Remember that time you refused to start because we were held up?"

"Careful with that wine, Sire, looks as though you're developing a bit of a tremor."

"Oh, don't be like that, you _know_ scowling that way causes frown lines."

When his hands tightened again into fists, "Huh, still got a thing for leather? I always meant to ask, but it never seemed like the right time. Probably was _before_ you had me executed right enough."

"I've missed this. Oh, but hasn't Lord Pye started to look even _more_ like a pig than he did then? Never mind, he was never much to look at after the unfortunate shield-incident."

"Did you know that there are fifty six stones in that wall? It's funny, but I can't actually remember which one in here I used to hide things behind."

"Uther. I don't want to alarm you, but there are three, quite large spiders that have just fallen onto the table. I'd remove them, but y'know, being dead makes that quite the challenge."

"Uh- Uther, is Arthur _meant_ to be writing his own reply to that marriage proposal, never mind I- I think they've withdrawn it."

By the end of it Merlin was quite willing to throttle the lot of them, it was like watching _children_. Except the children were being looked after by _Uther Pendragon_ , Arthur on a bad day, and a dead guy with an axe to grind. Oops. Yeah, maybe best not mention axes to anyone who's been executed.

Uther practically _fled_ as soon as the most necessary business was concluded, followed by the mocking tones of his ex- council member "Oh, but darling, we haven't even had the _good_ wine yet!" He lasted until the hurried footfalls faded away before finally giving in to the laughter,

"Oh my goddess, I haven't had that much fun in _years_ Emrys. Please, _please_ describe the look on Uther's face to Kilgarrah next time. I'd far rather the man was _removed_ from the earth, but it feels good to get back at him even the tiniest bit." Merlin froze, turning back to the, currently rather annoying spirit, and stepped into his space.

"Wait. Stop. You know his name. You know _our names_."  
"Sorry, _Merlin_ , I know, and don't think that over by the way."

"Well yes, but that really wasn't my point, you know _his_ name. How? Why?"

"Well I guarded him nigh twenty years, but mostly, I'd be a pretty lousy Dragonlord if I didn't even use their names, don't you think?"

"WHAT?!" The blood drained from his face, as Merlin briefly lost the tight rein on his magic and every glass in the room shattered.  
"Don't worry," said the ghost calmly, "The mad king'll blame _me_ for that, you're good."

"OH! OH, THIS IS SO _NOT OVER!_ Don't you dare try and take over _her_ shift just because you were… this," He waved between them both, "But we are going to fucking _Talk_ later."

Arthur was so used to Merlin being in step or just one behind him, following everywhere, he'd assumed he'd be there, especially when council had been so _weird_.

So it came as a surprise to realise he wasn't, and backtracking he overheard something about names, no response, and his servant shrieking. Except opening the door in concern, he found his servant surrounded by shards of glass, glaring at an empty space as though he wanted to incinerate something (Oh, please let nothing catch fire. It was Camelot. These things happened.)

"Uh, Merlin."

"Don't ask, really, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me." Arthur used the same tone he had at the campfire when he spoke to them all about consequences.

Merlin looked cautiously at the prince, terror churning in his gut, but remembering last night with Gwaine. He couldn't _trust_ Arthur, not yet, but he had to at least start giving him the _chance_ to surprise him.

"Ok. I was woken by the wrong ghost, and he's been an asshole today, but knows some things that I am extremely uncomfortable about. I was yelling at him because of a combination of those factors."

"And the glass?"

"It exploded." Not actually untrue. Like 'son of a noble', he repeated to himself.

"Sometime I worry about you Merlin." Arthur shook his head and rolled his eyes.  
"I told you you wouldn't believe me."

Arthur looked away so that Merlin wouldn't see him close his eyes.

"I said I worry about you Merlin, not that I didn't believe you. Now shut up, never mention this again, and go polish my armour."

Jumping up to obey, completely stunned, Merlin hurried away.

Arthur glared around the room for good measure, despite being unable to see anyone, and assuming volume didn't make a huge difference to ghosts growled under his breath, "Don't you dare hurt him."

He had no idea if ghosts, _if they were real_ actually _could_ harm someone, but it couldn't hurt to warn any possible ones off."

Lachlan smiled to himself, a warm satisfied feeling, long dormant awakening, _there_ went the Once and Future king. Even if he didn't yet know it.

Stalking out of the chamber, Arthur was swift to close the distance between them and remedy the unnatural way Merlin was walking in front of him. Ignoring the fact that he had just voluntarily engaged with the potentially supernatural on the basis of _but it's Merlin._

A terrible basis for any decision really.

After a great deal of consideration Arthur had come to the conclusion that if he ever wanted Merlin to begin confiding in or trusting him, the best way of working out when he was being honest, and when he was lying, was to listen to it _all. Wh_ enever he offered.

He'd seen Merlin's appraisal, the flash of fear in his eyes. It was a bizarre tale, but so far it carried all the hallmarks of authenticity he'd identified. Gwaine had suggested catching friends when they leapt, and then leap he _had._ Though there were years more secrets and hidden things there, it felt like the beginning of something.

He remembered Geoffrey years ago attempting to tutor him saying 'Rome wasn't built in a day'.

He'd smirked and retorted 'Rome fell.' Smugly.

The archivist looked at him seriously, undeterred, and answered him simply.

"Aye, but we _still_ remember their names." Sending him away to read 'The art of war' and ' _De re militari'_.

It stuck with him. Eventually every kingdom fell. To war, or wear and weather. In centuries to come though; would people remember his _name?_ Would he want them to?

He'd come to the conclusion that it would depend on how he ruled and what they remembered. Some men stuck in history for their cruelty. Fewer for their ability to lead men well. To raise up their people as a whole.

He _wanted_ to be one of the second.

It had been truly frightening the day he realised how close he had been to becoming the first. Were he to fail, he thought it would be kinder of history to forget him.

He had no idea why, given that when they had met, Arthur had threatened and pursued Merlin with a mace, but his servant was convinced that he could succeed. When Merlin _believed_ something it was surprisingly difficult to disbelieve it. Arthur could do it. Had done. What puzzled him, and others he knew, was that it was against one's instincts. The bone deep, survival type seemed to share a bizarre link to Merlin. Obviously also to madness.

People _changed_ around him.

Guinivere had become more confident than she had been in all the twelve years of being Morgana's servant. Gwaine stopped running. Leon started to truly challenge Arthur and help refine him as a warrior.

Arthur himself had changed more than any of them. Unless one counted Merlin. When he thought about it Merlin _had_ changed as much as himself, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He was more serious; not necessarily a bad thing, but he was somehow _sadder_ too, as though some of his natural joy was missing.

Not all the time, but more disturbingly, he was realising, the sadness was more visible when he thought they were not looking.

Why?

It would have to wait. He had reports to finish, so much more paperwork since retaking Camelot. Merlin was quiet, but it wasn't the tense, uneasy silence of before, but the kind that felt as though a man was deliberating and trying to make a decision that held significance. The kind he knew better now than to interrupt. It wasn't even _that_ long ago that he would not have believed that a 'mere peasant' could have truly important decisions to make. Ones that seemed important to _them_ maybe, but not that affected them all, the rest of the kingdom, or _his_ choices.

Not _really._

The possibility that they might was radical, and frightening, but was ignoring the possibility not more dangerous?

Gwaine gave up after dinner that night. If he could find out the name of Merlin's father it would give him a starting point. They could destroy the almanacs, the instructions for rituals, but he doubted they'd fully manage to erase birth records. Merlin's name would be missing obviously, or he'd not still be breathing, but not his _entire_ family, provided someone in Camelot remained sane. All evidence to the contrary aside. He just needed the time. Merlin had been casting questioning looks his way all day, as though uncertain of his decision. Wondering if he had made a terrible mistake. Gwaine didn't make promises to his friends that he couldn't keep.

Or to dragons.

Dinner had been _interesting._ A girl who looked as though she was made of mist leaned over his shoulder and he shivered. He was confused for all of a minute until she asked him a simple question. "Which one is Sir Leon the Gossip."

Everyone knew Leon, First Knight. Everyone _alive_ knew Leon. "That one. You're prettier than he said," Gwaine winked, speaking under his breath. He hadn't seen her when she presumably spoke to Merlin. She nodded appreciation and went over to stand behind Leon, where she faded from his view.

No wonder Merlin seemed odd sometimes.

Merlin was relieved to see no creepy ex - dragonlords at the meal, but caught the slightly unnerved look on Gwaine's face. They needed to Talk as much as he and the Dead Guy did.

There were _not enough_ hours in his day for everything he had to do.

When he saw Merlin looking, Gwaine had smiled reassuringly, but he knew it was insufficient. Unfortunately he also knew that the Prince was likely to be watching.

He was right. The man caught him as he was leaving to summon him to a private meeting on the morrow. After Merlin was assigned chores, and before he needed to help get Arthur into his armour for training. Intentional. Also eating into his own time to investigate.

Which would be so much easier if he had ever been in the library or archives more than once.

He kept his answer to a neutral "Yes Sire."

Though that in itself was unusual enough to alarm Arthur. No 'princess', no sarcasm, no irritation.

Arthur kept Merlin late that night, but not _unusually_ so. If Gwaine had to guess, enough to demonstrate he wasn't being cast out, and Arthur wasn't spending the night only with others, though those nights would come. They could _try_ having everyone open and divulge things at once, but then they would _all_ be raw, and even _Uther_ would catch on to something being strange. Probably start yelling sorcery, as he was prone to do, and that was the _optimistic_ reaction if it occurred _within_ Camelot. Out on a quest, alone, just _them_ was different, and the idea was still intimidating.

Gwaine was waiting for him in the Physician's quarters, with food he'd wheedled from a generous kitchen maid, and decent mead tonight. The initial choice had to be made by Merlin without alcohol to blame.

With Arthur it was different.

It always was. Arthur exploded outwards. Merlin was breakable. Not in a girlish way, at all. In the way that he refused to burden _anyone_ else and insisted on taking on _everything_ without sharing when he was damaged. He'd fought in battles with immortal warriors. Apparently battled serkets- and no-one had known about that one- without complaint.

Not _serious_ ones anyway.

The Last Dragonlord had been hiding for a great deal of his life, and it would be far more natural for him to continue that than to speak to one of them, especially if he thought Gwaine rejected him for it.

The night would be tricky. There was a ripple of cold before Merlin got home, and Gwaine opened the mead, raising a cup to the 'empty' room, "Evening. I really hope you are the pretty one.". Maybe he'd finally cracked. Been in Camelot long enough? No, he still noticed that there were a whole _lot_ of things that just didn't quite _fit._

It was too late now anyway. Merlin stumbled as he came in, prompting Gaius to look out of his own chamber, his eyebrow climbing as he saw Gwaine sitting. "I'll take tonight, my boy. It looks like you have company."

Merlin groaned. "Right. Yes, because the day hasn't been taxing enough."

"I brought you chicken? Some roast potatoes, cold but still good, and there's decent mead. Figured I'd drop the tart if I tried to bring it, and uh… people would talk. Bringing meat is somehow less suspicious, goddess knows how."

" _Gwaine!_ You _can't_ mention Her name here, the" he dropped his voice to barely more than a hiss, " _Old Religion_ is _illegal!"_ Gwaine looked towards the door, moving to shut and bolt it, returning quietly to the table, "So are you. If I recall correctly, it's rather non-optional for you to acknowledge. This is _your_ home, thus _Her_."

"Uhm… yeah, it's not really a choice for me as such."

Gaius eyes widened at the exchange, "Well, I can see you boys have a lot to talk about, I'll be very deeply asleep if anyone needs me."

"Goodnight Gaius." Gwaine called, not looking at him. Not really trusting himself to hold back if he did.

"Goodnight Sir Gwaine. Merlin. Do try to keep the noise down."

Merlin blushed to the tips of his ears. That was… interesting, thought Gwaine, but very definitely not why he was here tonight.

The door to the old physician's room closed and Merlin smiled, "Thanks for the food. There wasn't much of a chance for eating today."

Well _that_ was something that he _could_ pass on to Arthur.

"Why were you looking at me like that today?"

"Like what?" Merlin's confusion was clear.

"Like you'd made a mistake and regretted it."

Merlin sighed, "Because I did. Regret it I mean. Not- not all of the time, it wasn't a _mistake,_ I just, I've not done this before and it's a big risk."

Gwaine shook his head, smiling wryly, "Merlin, you take risks _all the time_. Even waking up in Camelot on a daily basis is basically a life and death choice for you."

"Well yeah, but that's one I've always had, it never been _safe_ to wake up anywhere."

"Huh. Sooo _before_ Camelot then."

"Not yet, Gwaine. Not now. I've never taken a risk like _this_ before."

"Ah. _I'm_ the risk." He grimaced, it wasn't personal at least, he knew that.

Merlin couldn't look at him. "Yeah. You're the risk. I can control _myself_. My actions, my mouth- apparently not as well with you now I've taken that step- but I've no control, or influence over you. You are a wildcard, one that could save or condemn me. That you are my friend doesn't stop me having doubts. This is a first for me. It's weird that you know things about _magic_ and- and other _abilities_ after I've spent years in Camelot."

"Merlin. I met the allegedly dead Great Dragon last night, who as it turns out is very much _alive_ , and haven't breathed a word to anyone. I'd rather run _with_ you than see you dead for your birthright. Speaking of, I'm fairly certain you have other company. Would've been nice to have a heads up about the girl at dinner though." Merlin looked confused.

"Prettier than you said." Gwaine levelled a look at him.

Then it made sense, "Oh? Oh! You said no one ever visits you. She didn't say she was coming today."

"Well, let's just say I'm convinced Eileen's real." He smiled, enjoying the rare opportunity to surprise his friend.

"Sorry about that."

Gwaine chuckled "Don't be. Besides, she wasn't looking for me, only 'Sir Leon the Gossip'."

Merlin laughed at that. "I wish I could tell him that."

"Aye, but maybe not _just_ yet. Go on then, see what's waiting for you tonight."

Merlin took a deep breath, Gwaine was right, opening the door to his room, he groaned, "What?"

"Oh, nothing. Except that they are _both_ in there."

"Both. As in _more than one._ "

"That is the conventional use of 'both'."

"Aye, no, I see that, just…. Merlin. Are you _collecting_ chatty ghosts?"

"Gods I hope not, one was enough, two is troublesome."

"Here. Have mead."

"Thanks Gwaine. Oh, and just to make it _more fun_. One of them was like… like my dad."

"Ah. Well, what are you waiting in the doorway for? Get in already. We can talk later, I'm not going anywhere."

"I noticed."

"Good. You were supposed to, I was beginning to wonder if I was being too subtle."

"Gwaine? Shut up."

"You, and you."

He pointed to each of them. "Eileen, lovely to see you again. Next time you want to talk to my friends, ask me first. I don't want to be mopping up their over reactions."

"You. Stick to my enemies and people who actually _earn_ haunting. Leave my friends, and anyone I need to not piss off-except Uther - alone."

Gwaine raised an eyebrow and leaned against the doorframe, "I take it that's the guy?"

"He woke me up. Oh, Eileen, try waking Uther tomorrow morning, leaning inches from his face. It's extremely creepy. He won't like it."

"Excellent. Thanks Merlin."

"No problem. See you later. Maybe not before morning though if you want to wake up your hauntee."

"Bye Merlin."

He smiled softly, "Goodnight Eileen."

Gwaine felt the cold ripple as she left. "Goodnight milady."

"You! What the hell was that earlier? And where have you _been_ for the last twenty years? You said I looked like 'him', which him? When the hell did Uther have one of you - us on the council? And by the goddess, _why_ when this happened to me did you not turn up _then?_ When I became this, and having someone just might have been fucking useful! _"_

"Are you sure you want to have _a knight_ here right now?"

Merlin shrugged. "It's not like he can hear your side anyway, and it's Gwaine."

"Look, Merlin, I am going to take a walk, it sounds like something you are going to want to process yourself first. You know where my rooms are if you do want company mate."

Gwaine clapped Merlin on the shoulder and left the mead.

"He's a wise man, your friend."

Merlin laughed freely at that. "That may be the first, and potentially last Time anyone has ever used that word to describe Gwaine."

The old ghost's gaze was piercing. "Sir Gwaine. Unusual name that."

"I guess?"

"Shall we start with the easy ones then?' Him', well, Balinor, obviously, in his youth anyway. Bright young man, stubborn, a pain in the arse to teach but a good heart and brave as they come." Merlin's smile was a little more watery than he'd like.

"Sounds like I got _something_ of him then."

The Dragonlord shook his head sadly, "I failed in my responsibility to my kin during life. It seemed right that if Kilgarrah was deprived of both his freedom, and the choice to follow the others, someone should stay near him. Then you came and to start with your 'distractions' were so bad I wondered if you _wanted_ to be caught. When Kilgarrah was freed it was a _shock_ of sorts, and if I am honest, I assumed that Balinor had explained such things to you. Even if he hadn't, you have stayed with Gaius from the beginning. He knew who sired you, what you would become. Why else would you be sent to _him?"_

Merlin clenched his hands into fists to hide their trembling, "Why would you think that?"

The ghost looked troubled and pressed his lips into a thin line, "What did you _think_ was the reason?"

"I just needed to be away from Ealdor, get some guidance to control my magic. You thought I knew?"

"Of course I _did_. I'm _dead_ , not _soulless_."

Merlin dropped his eyes, he still hadn't spoken to anyone who had _known Balinor_ about any of it. "I didn't. No one said anything about my father until we were packing to go and find him."

The ghost sighed heavily, nodding as though something that puzzled him finally made sense. "Have a seat Merlin. Your father was Lord Balinor, your bloodline pre-eminent among us, but more importantly he was a good student to me personally, and a better friend. You can call me Lachlan, it'll help to keep your spirits organised. So, what do you want to know? Ask it, and I will answer if I can."

It was a long time before Merlin made his way down to Gwaine's chamber, shaking and nauseous. When he tried the door though it opened, and Merlin _knew_ those of the round table always locked their doors.

His friend sat up sleepily, pushing hair out of his eyes, "You _idiot!_ What were you thinking, asleep with the door unlocked? I could have been _anyone!_ What if I had an assassin? Or- or a sidhe looking for souls."

"But you weren't, and you're worth the risk. Anyway, something that can steal souls probably isn't intimidated by locks."

"Yeah. I - probably not."

"No offence mate, but you look like shit." Merlin choked on an half laugh-half sob.

"Yeah. I probably do. Uh… Gwaine?"

"Yes Merlin?"

"Thanks for leaving, and letting me do that alone. You were right."

"I keep saying that, and they never do believe me."

"Gwaine"

"Aye?"

"I think I need company tonight or I'm going to do something very, very stupid before morning." His friend nodded calmly, he should have run, thought Merlin.

He knew his eyes were sparking with gold, that the weight of being _Emrys_ was evident there right now. Not many men would face him right now with "You look like shit."

"You want a hug with that company?"

"Yeah Gwaine. I really, really do."

The not quite so secret anymore noble threw back the blankets. "Come on then. Princess won't go easier on me in training for turning up tired. "I know. Sorry Gwaine. I know this is - this isn't what you expected. "

"Never be sorry for being who you are Merlin, or what you are. There's already enough folk ready to condemn anyone different from themselves without us doing it for them. Admittedly the ghosts of our pasts are usually a little less literal than yours, but I don't regret a thing Merlin."

"Most grown men also don't request hugs."

"Then they're missing out on the practicality of sharing body heat, as well as the value of a hug. Cheaper than healers and safer than being alone. Could be the knights have taken too many blows to the head of course."

"Aye. It's probably that. What do you do Gwaine when everything you were sure of is in flux?"

"Me? I ran. I don't recommend that life. Stopped when I found something I was sure of, despite the anomalies."

"Camelot?"

Gwaine rolled his eyes at the idiot, "You, Merlin. An' you're gonna tell me what brought you here scared what you'd do, but we _both_ have work in a few hours, if that. So right now you're gonna shut your eyes, and rest next to me as best as you can, so that when you do tell me, I'm awake enough to listen. Exception applies to wake me up _before_ any insanity, whatever it is you need."

Merlin didn't sleep, but tonight not being alone with his thoughts was too important. The solid weight of Gwaine next to him reminded him to breathe, and that he wasn't alone any more.

Not unless he chose to be.


	24. Chapter 24

The sun wasn't long up, but it still signalled the beginning of the working day for most servants.

Merlin had finally managed to get an hour or two' s disturbed sleep. He'd still woken up once to Gwaine holding him down so that he wouldn't launch out of the bed, making soothing noises, notably _not_ telling him it was ok, or 'just a dream'. He was grateful for that amongst his embarrassment at the indignity. Gwaine had shrugged off his apologies and gone back to sleep. It was easier after that, knowing that he wouldn't be held to account or questioned about nightmares. It was approaching the time that Merlin usually began delivering early morning medications, and he was stuck. Gwaine had said to wake him for pre-insanity, did this count? The problem was solved for him when he saw brown eyes staring back. "Give me five minutes to look and smell decent. Are you going off to _do_ the crazy thing, or d'you want me to make sure you don't?"

Merlin sighed. "The second. I'd upset people and not solve anything. Plus, I don't really want to do any of about a hundred optional, competing things, which _all_ suck or have downsides."

"Alright. So, no death, fire, or destruction then?"

"I've been reliably informed that none of those should take place before breakfast."  
"Then princess is getting soft." Gwaine smiled at his friend to ease the tension of his friend gently.

Merlin frowned and looked away. "Gwaine. I'm- there's a _lot_ I haven't told you, but… but I've seen you fight before. The last time I felt this angry I ended up killing her. Not someone defenceless, but- please Gwaine, I need to get clothes and the medicine, but I can't go in there without someone to ground me. I'm not… I'm not _good._ Not like people think."  
"Merlin. You fought an immortal army. You've been in more skirmishes than I've counted, you grew up in a border village. I _assumed_ you've blood on your hands. We've _all_ killed. I've seen everyone else at the round table do so for certain. Princess can call you a girl, but he still showed you more'n he's supposed to. Good men aren't perfect men. I won't let you hurt someone you still love. Or get yourself chucked in the cells before breakfast."

Merlin frowned, shifting, "What makes you think it involves someone I love?"

Gwaine looked seriously at him and kept his voice low, "Not my first court. Nor the first family I've seen. You asked the other guy a lot of question before I left that couldn't have had _easy_ answers and had to have dredged up a lot of pain. I've a lot of vices mate, but stupidity isn't one of them. You want me to bring a spare tunic and breeches over for tonight?"

"Maybe. Probably."

"Did you find out your father's name?"

Merlin shrugged and cleared his throat, "Balinor. It's the only thing I knew before about him. Other than the inescapably obvious."

Gwaine nodded. It was something. Memorising it for later he nudged his friend conspiratorially. "Hey Merlin. Do you think Eileen really did take your advice?"

Merlin looked over to Gwaine as he sorted his laces, and the contagious grin that survived even in wastelands, and began to laugh. "I really hope so. Oh do I hope so."

They didn't creep- knight don't sneak out- but they did go quietly enough as to be caught leaving only by two others, and moved quickly through the quicker back passages to the physicians chambers, Merlin bracing himself before entering. By the missing cloak it appeared that Gaius had been called on last night. Most such occasions would leave Merlin feeling guilt, but this time all he felt was sheer relief at not having to face the man.

Gwaine nodded, he had back up, if nothing else Gwaine could knock him out fast enough to break his concentration. He hoped.

Judging on his gut reactions Merlin stuffied a change into his travelbag and shoved it towards Gwaine, only to be accosted by and excitedly bouncing spirit. "I did it, I did it! You were right, it totally worked." Merlin smiled and blinked back tears. "That's great Eileen, glad to hear it. I'm expecting to be out late tonight, if I miss you, tell him- Tell him The Dragon rises. He'll understand. I think I'll be sleeping at Gwaine's tonight though, if you follow him back he'll show you the way, and probably give you a whole bunch of blackmail on me along the way. He'll do most things to impress a pretty girl." He winced, loading all the necessary potions and ointments into the basket, he knew the regular ones by heart by now.

For today Merlin needed his thickest mask. The one he wore when Will died, Freya died, when Balinor died, when he poisoned Morgana. When he mastered the power of life and death with no idea it existed.

The difference between Merlin this morning and the day before was jarring to the prince. This one was more familiar, and yet in contrast felt more _constructed_. Less authentic. Like Morgana had appeared to the court years ago before she went into her chamber and screamed into a pillow, or demanded Arthur hurt _another_ boy during training for groping her since she wasn't allowed to. Who embroidered obscenities in flawless stitches in a subtle rebellion against Uther whilst working within unfair constraints, just to prove a man could control her activities but not her mind.

 _This_ Merlin was _too_ calm. He laughed in the right places, forgot to screw up a couple of chores that didn't actually damage anything important. This Merlin was _incomplete_. Arthur hadn't known it until he _knew it_ , and now he couldn't return to the easier state of ignorance. Not long after Merlin left, saying he had herbs to gather- not adding 'for Gaius' which was strange', Gwaine arrived, as instructed, looking extremely serious, for him.

Arthur directed him to the chairs they'd used those first couple of nights. "Good morning Princess. What can I do for you this morning?"

Arthur sat opposite him, already frustrated by the feigned obtuseness. "You know what, and you know why I wanted to speak to you. I know you've been talking to Merlin, and well, things just seem different between you both."

Gwaine inclined his head, "As I said I intended to do, and aye, things are a bit changed right now. Takes a while for some revelations to settle, doesn't it."

Arthur looked his knight over intently and grit his teeth. "Fine. Don't ever tell anyone I said this or I will order the rising sun _and_ kitchens to stop serving you but, _I'm worried about him ok?_ Really, properly, what is going on to make this mess worried. Why is he being woken by a ghost, or at least believing that? Yesterday I had a crazy, but honest manservant. Today I have what looks on the surface like a sane one; with the reactions of a wounded animal or teenage Morgana. Both of whom keep glancing towards you. I know he stayed with you last night." Gwaine held up a hand. "Stop. If you want any cooperation at all then you remind yourself I don't share secrets that aren't mine. Then you check yourself to be certain that your decisions are not influenced by jealousy. Nothing good ever comes from that."

"Jealous? I don't want! Guinivere is…"

"God no, not this again. I just meant it's difficult as a Prince to reach across invisible boundaries. Extremely difficult to make friends, or accept anyone. It's even harder to do the reverse and dare to cross from the other side. Trust me, I've done it from both. It's not wrong to be jealous of friendship appearing easier, just as it is not wrong of them to envy your feasts despite not starving. Really. Examine your motives. Do it before acting."

Arthur expression was dark, as he clearly applied the advice, despite being sure of his answer already, "I think I preferred it when you were only an always cheerful drunk."

"No you didn't. It was just easier when the only one who argued with you didn't really have the rank to do it. I may have left it all in the past but the learning is still there. So plan your tactics carefully Arthur. Merlin moves in every direction. He's unpredictable. You like that. It's a challenge when so few people surprise you. "

"He's not the bloody queen!"

"Of course not Princess. Whatever you may yell openly he's a good man with a warriors heart."

Arthur snorted, "Merlin's no warrior."

"Oh? You'd take any other servant into battle with an immortal army, casually calling 'you don't get a choice' over your shoulder then? See them declaring they don't really fancy it and accept it for the clear jibe it was? I hate to say it princess, but Lancelot is right. He should have got his knighthood beside us. But he didn't, so here we are, in quite the pickle."

"Yes. I definitely miss drunk Gwaine."

"Never fear, Princess. I am _absolutely_ still drunk Gwaine. Just… _More_ , with it. You lost nothing, just gained more of what there is to a man. Forget rank. Forget task lists. Which _man_ do you want to know more of."

"Fuck off, Gwaine, you know the answer." Arthur turned away.

The other wasn't put off, "Aye, but I need to hear you admit it to yourself."

"Fine. To quote him though, you're a royal ass. Merlin said that to me the second time I met him ok?"

Gwaine paused and looked at Arthur. _Really looked._ "And you let him go free after that?"

"Free? No. But if you mean he wasn't…. Punished… As He should have been according to certain _people_ and laws, yes, he got off very lightly."

Gwaine hadn't known that. To form _any_ kind of bond with him so quickly was extremely unusual, "I still won't break my word. You have been forgetting though in your urgency to put Camelot to rights that when you eat and drink he is working. When you are provided for in council, he is serving, and cannot be seen to have anything any more than you feel comfortable being seen to offer it publicly. When he leaves here at night he goes to continue his second job- which by the way was his first here before you. His body is suffering, not simply everything else. You need to make sure he's eating and drinking, he barely sleeps either.

He has taken on more of Gaius work, and you noticed, despite the demands on you as regent, but it went unnoticed how many hours Gaius worked even with an assistant. He is getting old Arthur, and faster than there is time to train another in his place. Camelot is a good place, under _you_ it can become great, but it has existed for a number of years without any true preparations for the future, beyond the heir to the throne. You. It is wrong, but if nothing changes the task will fall to you to undo the neglect that has been so subtle and yet left unchecked any longer has the potential to weaken Camelot fatally. Few replacements of non military skills have been trained, going back _long_ before Gaius took Merlin in. As things stand I… Fear for my brothers and my king. _You_ are my king, in case that was unclear, Sire. To say I haven't shared _any_ of that with the others is hardly necessary, but you've my assurance of it anyway."

Arthur's head was spinning, he couldn't refute what he desperately wanted to but… "Why?"

Gwaine stared at him as though he'd said something ridiculous, "What would be gained? Camelot stands, we fight hard, we fight for _you_. Why would I ever undermine that? I'm proud to fight for you Arthur, and of the knights. To create doubt in their minds about what they defend would be dangerous, in many ways. I think Merlin, as he takes on more of the Physicians work on top of his service, begins to understand, but I'd hardly choose to be the one to confirm that concern."

Arthur ran fingers through his hair, "God, what am I supposed to do? Especially with father practically a broken man after Morgana..."

Biting his lip and going for broke Gwaine spoke to him as to any other man, not letting him look away, "Forget Uther. You said it yourself. He's _broken._ At least for now. _Your_ decisions are what matter right now. I can't fix this for you, or guide you, I'm the wrong man for that. You do what you believe is right. You're a good man Arthur. Do what you think is right."

Arthur smiled slightly, twirling the stem of his goblet, watching the liquid ripple, "You know you're not the first man to tell me that."

"Damn right I'm not. Told you I pay attention to some things."

"Thank you. Seriously, Gwaine. I think my to do list just became significantly longer, but if I do it _right,_ perhaps so can Camelot's future."

"Anytime, Princess."

"Gwaine?"

"Aye Princess?"

"If you notice any other… weaknesses, bring them to me."  
The knight hesitated, trying to figure out how to broach the answer without outright _saying it_. "Sire? What if they are _illegal_? Or _discussion_ of specific history is prohibited?"

Arthur sighed. "Then you already have. Does this pose a danger to my people?"

Gwaine grimaced, "Magic, or the illegal and historical things?"  
"Either."  
Gwaine paused, "Sire, I can only agree to discuss things I have noticed that will not result in instant execution."

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, "Fine. The second thing then, to begin with."  
"Sire, that will be extremely difficult if the first is prohibited."  
Arthur suppressed a growl, "Gwaine?"  
His response was cautious, he knew he was pushing the Prince further than usual. "Sire?"  
"Don't make me regret this. Tonight, after Merlin leaves, freedom of speech without consequence for one night only."

Gwaine swallowed, he couldn't waste the chance. "Then yes, there is definitely a danger to your people if things continue onwards as they currently stand."

Arthur groaned, "You couldn't just come and tell me the answers to what I _want_ to know."

"Would it be better than what you _need_ to know?"

"Don't ask stupid questions Gwaine."  
"I'm gonna take that as a no, Princess."

"Take it however you want. You can save the rest for tonight. So, I need to force or trick my manservant into eating and drinking, the basic function every other human addresses."  
"Arthur… I don't ask to imply anything, but have you ever had a year of bad harvests? Or two? Merlin grew up in an isolated community, you saw it. Cenred taxed everyone beyond their means. If a person doesn't have anything or is forced to live on too little for long enough, they stop noticing hunger. It literally becomes normal. Ever notice how much he filled out after coming to Camelot despite his terrible habit of forgetting to eat?"  
Arthur closed his eyes. "Oh fucking hell. I didn't realise that…. I'm going to have to trick or bully him into looking after himself at all, amn't I."

"Maybe a little bit, Princess. He might even go along with it if it's coming from _you_."

"Get the Merlin list."  
"I annoyed you that much?"  
"The answer to that will always, always be 'Yes' Gwaine."

He fetched it from the shame drawer and slapped the thing down in front of Arthur. "Why do you need it?"

"He didn't mess up any of the minor chores this morning, which he only does when something big has happened, then said he was fine but his knuckles were swollen and bruised. If it was anyone else he'd spent the night with I'd already have _spoken_ with them."  
" _I_ get a free pass for that?" Well that was a first.

"If anyone hurt Merlin it'd be you I'd have to race to reach them first. Don't _ever, ever_ tell him that." Gwaine chuckled. It was good to hear Arthur admit that Merlin wasn't 'just' a servant. All he had to do _now_ was tell _Merlin_ that.

"Just, Gwaine? Whatever you do, don't hurt him. I'm- I don't really _do_ warm and fuzzy. I definitely don't _hug_. Don't break Merlin. The mess after would be terrible."

Yep, that was Princess. Emotionally stunted by Uther, yet somehow slightly healed, and it all revolved around Merlin. The threat wasn't lost on Gwaine.

"You aren't even the scariest person I've made that oath to Princess." Dragons were sort of people too, right?

"Arthur, May I have your permission to access the library and archives, there are a couple of things I need to check to be certain of one of the likely vulnerabilities. No point in worrying you with something that's been dealt with, or missing something simple but vital."

Arthur agreed easily, much better than have to try and sneak past Geoffrey. "Just don't damage, scorch, or lose anything." He wasn't the scorching risk for archives, thought Gwaine, considering all the times Merlin had been in there.

"May I have the afternoon to research this? It shouldn't take so long, but I'm unfamiliar with the layout here, and Geoffrey's scary, if I get anything in the wrong place he might use my skin for parchment."

"No he wouldn't. No one would ever voluntarily go near your feet Gwaine."

"You're one to talk, I've seen your mocket socks after patrol. Practically weapons on their own."

Arthur breathed a little easier. Gwaine was right. They were still the same men, just _more_.

When he left Gwaine made a point of seeking out Merlin, so that it didn't come as a surprise that he'd been talking to Arthur, or cause him to think information had been shared which hadn't.

Merlin's grin faded noticeably when he said he had to see the Princess that night, but he couldn't pass up the opportunity.

"Come on, I need a hand, the library isn't really a place I go, if anything I avoid it, but there's something I actually need to look for, and it'll save time if you can explain Geoffrey's mad filing system, assuming he _has_ a filing system."

It was enough to revive his friend a little, "I won't be away all night, you're still welcome, even if _I'm_ not there yet. If it gets too bad you're only be feet away from Lance's chambers."

"I- if it gets _bad enough_ I don't want him to see me like that. I'm scaring myself Gwaine, I can't serve Arthur at dinner with Uther tonight. I honestly don't know what I might do, it wouldn't even be intentional." Gwaine nodded slowly. "Ok. That's… Ok. Merlin. I want you to let me talk to Perce with you, not to explain things, but I think you'll find him surprisingly understanding, and if nothing else the man can sit on you. Right now, you are going to focus, _really tightly_ on helping me decipher this pile of nonsense from meaningful things- uh, hi Geoffrey, I mean the very lovely scrolls and well cared for books. Obviously."

"Merlin? Why is he here?"

"It's uh… ah punishment, from Arthur."

"Well deserved I'm sure. Perhaps it'll be more effective. Touch nothing."

"Come on Geoffrey, I'm sure he can touch without destroying."

"If he does, I will hold _you_ responsible, Merlin." The warlock turned away muttering, "Hold _You_ responsible, of course he will, alway _my_ responsibility, no one wants to…"

Gwaine reached out to gently rest a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Merlin? King's son, walking bucket of shame, but I know how to treat them. I need to have a look for historical records, and Arthur also wanted me to check the genealogies to see if they added me on here, as it was in Caerleon, last thing _he_ needs is diplomatic issues for it the next time their retinue visits. Too much of the look of my sire to be missed in an open court. No record, no way of them knowing for sure as far as the other nobles are concerned." It wasn't untrue, it just wasn't his most pressing reason. Thankfully Merlin was edgy enough already just to shrug and show him the way to that section.

Due to Arthur being determined to keep Merlin where he could find him, he couldn't spare much time that afternoon, unlike Gwaine, Arthur couldn't just not turn up to train the knights, though he was trying to devise a back up plan for in emergencies.

It was surprising that a man like Geoffrey could loom, but with the odd lighting in the library it was quite effective. Merlin had been gone quite some time before the man appeared at Gwaine's shoulder, longer than he'd expected really given the warnings from the archivist upon entry. "Hello _Sir Gwaine_. Interesting section you're researching there."

"Very. Did you know several branches of prominent families cut off quite abruptly in the same place. It's almost as if entire lines have been extinguished. Erased one might say."

"Quite." Geoffrey's eyebrow climbed unnaturally high.

"I assume you have good reason to be researching past marriages and births?"

"And deaths, Geoffrey. Does a man really _need_ a good reason to read, after all what constitutes 'good' at all? Is it not a man-made concept?"

Geoffrey smiled, at least, Gwaine thought he did underneath the beard. Maybe the beard had a personality. "You amuse me Sir Gwaine. Now, shall we continue this charade, or would you like to tell me whose line you are _really_ looking for?"

Gwaine mimicked the eyebrow, with several decades less practice. "I really wouldn't."

The archivist cocked his his as though curious, "Well then, shall we pretend I don't know who sired you after I recorded the birth and listened to the extended rant about royal bastards and illegitimacy from _Uther_ _Pendragon_ \- I could recite it if you like? Or are you curious about a friend? You did seem quite keen to look alone."

"Geoffrey, how fast can you run, do you think you'd reach Arthur before I did?"

"Oh good grief, you're all so _dramatic_ , worse than those terrible romances the King insisted I keep for Morgana. Do you really think I've ignored _you_ so long to turn you in? Or _him_. His father _lived here_. Pain in the neck he was. Not a lick of sense, and far too happy to play with fire for any archivist's comfort."  
"You know who he is." Gwaine murmured.

"I know _what he is."_

"How long?"

Geoffrey scoffed, "Years. First, maybe second time he dropped that ridiculous 'idiot' front of his where I could see. Oh, I'm absolutely certain it's not _entirely_ false, some of the things that boy has done- good heavens. How he thought Sir Lancelot could pull off a noble upbringing permanently god only knows."

Gwaine was stunned, the man hadn't given the slightest hint of awareness, treating them both as they presented themselves, not mentioning a word, he carefully weighed his options;

"Geoffrey, how far are you willing to go?"

"I've done things that you wouldn't believe, and that I'll never be able to cleanse my soul of. What do you need sire?"

"First, for you to never use that title again. Haven't heard it in a very long time, never want to hear it again. Secondly, Arthur is asking questions. _Sensible questions_ , thirdly, why the hell don't you have an apprentice, and fourth, what did you save that _he_ believes burned two decades ago."

"Nothing much then."

"Oh, one more thing. Before I say anything regrettable, you give me the name of his father."

Geoffrey huffed, "Balinor. There goes the Last Dragonlord, son of Balinor, _their_ Lord."

"Well then, I do believe we have work to do. You owe him an apology you know." It seemed wrong to Gwaine that _another_ person would have withheld vital information about himself from Merlin.

"My apology was given in keeping him alive, and ignoring the missing books he sneaked out and _sometimes_ back in."

"Fair point."

"Ask Merlin where some of the 'saved' things are, the man found the first place within a fortnight of being here." Gwaine rolled his eyes, "Of course he did. How did Morgana never realise."

Geoffrey looked away and his voice dropped, "I don't know. There's a lot about that girl that doesn't add up. Always was."

Gwaine nodded slowly. "Yeah. I can see that."

Geoffrey scowled, "Not many did. No one could question, let alone criticise in Uther's hearing. Arthur was held to account for _everything_ , Uther was… a hard father to grow up with. A hard man."

"So why do you serve him?" Gwaine wanted to understand.

"He wasn't always like that. You mean why didn't I stop, refuse to remain at my post."  
Gwaine didn't deny it, "I do."

"This is why. If there was no one who remained to remember, who would answer the Prince's 'sensible questions', hmm? Who would tell him where the mass graves are? Record the names, even as the branches were erased and extinguished. If no one remains to be a keeper of the truth, however terrible it may be, then the lies become the history which is remembered."

"I think I understand."

Geoffrey and his beard shook their head, "No. You don't, but you will son. You will."

That was…. That was worrying. Clearly bothering him wouldn't help as apparently the man was a vault for secrets.

"How have you never been accused, or _interviewed."_ Geoffrey winked at him, "Because I'm boring." His voice took on a droning pattern, "Terribly, terribly dull, and of no consequence to anyone, keeper of the records of taxes and sheep herds, and the length of yarn required to darn socks." Gwaine's mouth had dropped open as the man's bright eyes glazed over and he suddenly seemed _greyer_ , "No, I never used magic, not a drop in me, nor family. Which obviously helped. That was Gaius. Who you will not inform of my aid, or your actions here. Or elsewhere."

"You don't trust him?" That focused his attention.

"Trust doesn't come into it Sir Gwaine. Can't tell something you don't know. How keen are you to immediately tell Merlin _everything_ you have found and investigated here today?"

Gwaine nodded, "Aye, not the way I want to go about things. Do you know, Lord Geoffrey, what could cause a rift between Gaius and Merlin."

The man turned away from him. "There are many things, Sir Gwaine, that we have done in the past, not all of them good, and not all of them without unforeseen consequences. Things that perhaps we should have done and didn't, situations we'd handle differently. All men have regrets. Some are just… bigger than others. Gaius and I have lived a _long time_ , longer I believe than has been kind to us, though today I cannot regret it, there are a great many things that could cause rifts between them. I am almost surprised it has taken so long to reach such a stage. I am glad that he is not alone in this. For all our sakes." Geoffrey's raised eyebrow was unsettling, and made Gwaine wonder what he was missing. "Don't forget your scrolls and papers Sir Gwaine, please, and good luck."  
The word 'luck' halted him, and Gwaine turned back to the man as he was about to leave, "Lord Geoffrey, what do you know of 'destiny'?"

The look the man directed at Gwaine could have burned him, "I know that it is not a word to speak loudly in Camelot, and that you should be very, _very_ careful before asking one from your friend's bloodline about it." Gwaine's throat was dry as he thanked the man.

"Keep your word as well as I have kept mine, Sir Gwaine. You would not wish to answer to _his_ kin."

"No. No I would not. I will heed your words well Lord Geoffrey, and your example. Good evening my Lord."

The beard dipped as though he had just confirmed something, and Gwaine did not feel ready to confront what that might be.

Noting how little light remained Gwaine realised he had missed dinner. It was just as well really, better to take everything directly to Arthur's chambers without alarming Merlin too badly.

They were both in the rooms when Gwaine arrived and laid the materials on Arthur's desk. "What's that?" Merlin asked.

Gwaine turned grinning, "The extra bits are courtesy of Geoffrey having a good day and being determined to encourage education amongst the knights, I've been thoroughly warned by the man and he expects us to be able to demonstrate appropriate comprehension when they are returned. "Do you want a hand?"

"Not this time Merlin, if I need a translator we'll save them for you. Knights honour." Merlin rolled his eyes at the Prince's ridiculous acting. "Fine, be like that then, don't blame me when you get stuck halfway through and I'm wrist deep in something vile- oh sod off Gwaine!- how do you _think_ you all have salve for aching muscles and healing balms."

"Sorry, you're right, I know mate."

Gwaine turned too the Prince, "Sire, Can I borrow Merlin for a few minutes, Percy said he meant to see the physician after training, but he never does," Merlin and Arthur both rolled their eyes, it was just the _worst excuse._ "Gwaine, I honestly do not want to know what you need Merlin for that will be only a few minutes.

"-Oh god, _no Arthur-"_

" _Really_ I don't, He's just finished the stuff that needs done for the night anyway, you don't even have to return him until morning, just no… no breaking him."

"Yeah, well, it's Percy you need to tell that to since you demanded my presence tonight, Merlin, Arthur has certain questions about how much I actually learned growing up."

Also true.

Merlin's eyes opened and he made a sound of understanding, "Right, well Percival _is_ very important, I'd best be going to _check_ on him."

"Goodnight Merlin." Arthur sounded exasperated, after a day of overly cooperative Merlin and the effort of not calling him on it, he really was.

Gwaine yanked him from the room as he called back, "'Night Arthur." The were almost to the knights quarters when Merlin frozen and looked with dawning horror to Gwaine,

"What am I supposed to do about any _visitors_ that turn up if I'm with Percy?"

"Tell him?"

"No."  
"Ugh, not that, idiot, just the visitors bit."  
"And _you_ think he'll buy that?"

Gwaine grinned, shaking his head. "No mate, I _know_ he will."

"If he doesn't, and thinks I'm crazy, I'm getting Lachlan to wake you up."

"Lachlan?"

"The not-pretty one. With a beard."

"Ah. That's fair."

When they got to the knights quarters Percival didn't seem surprised to have someone chapping his door, but he _was_ more surprised to see Merlin there with Gwaine, looking between them for an explanation. "Percival, you great eejit, no one can go through a door until you move. I'm not going to try going through you."

"Oh!" He smiled apologetically and stepped aside, "Sorry about that. The door closed behind them."

Looking around Percy's room was much more like his own.

"Hey, Perce, I swear I have a reason, a very _good_ reason, but I need you to tell Merlin about Dana. I haven't, I wouldn't, he doesn't know why I said you're safe." Turning to the warlock in question his eyes begged for understanding. "I _have_ to go back to deal with the Princess right now, but I _am_ coming back. You'll know, Merlin."

Leaving two very confused friends together, a still rattled knight made his way back up to the Prince's chambers, more nervous than he'd ever expected to be, dealing with Arthur.

"Perce, I don't know why Gwaine asked you to tell me anything, I haven't asked or anything, he just agreed that- uh, that is.."

"Sit down Merlin, and shut up, you're glitchy. Gwaine fed me something a trader called absinthe once, but other than that, he's never consciously put me in danger I didn't volunteer for. If he says you need to know, then well, he'll have his reasons. Just, when you can, explain them. Have you eaten?"

Merlin snorted, "Arthur didn't join Uther earlier, and got all offended earlier that I hadn't eaten, insisted people would think he was starving his servants, yeah, I had something."

"Good." Percival nodded, "You still forget." Merlin grimaced, yeah, Percy was a _real_ peasant, the kind he had been. "You want half a slice of nicked apple pie?"

Merlin looked at the mischievous look on the big man's face and had to laugh, "Go on then, if you're sure?"

"Wouldn't offer if I wasn't, and it's not like you're asking, is it?" Merlin shook his head and obeyed. "Forget?"

Percival raised an eyebrow "That there's enough. You're not stealing from someone else Merlin, just because you didn't grow and process it. Think of it like this, they don't harvest the trickier herbs and ones that can be mistaken, and they don't make or process the medicines, or diagnose anything, it's a simple trade, but it goes through the castle kitchens. Taking your full share isn't greed, it's just that- well- before there wasn't enough, and most of us, try to protect the ones who need us first."

"I never really thought of it that way."

"Just eat the damn pie."

Merlin did, when it was gone he looked over at the man who was so often in the background- impressive for someone so big, he looked _open_ , and as though he was remembering something. Seeing that he had Merlin's attention, Percy took steadying breath to begin,

"Dana was… she was something else. Like catching moonlight. She'd dark hair, like yours, and co-ordination- not like yours." He smiled, "She always did love to dance. I could have listened to her sing forever." Merlin winced, he was intimately familiar with what the past-tense meant.

"You loved her."

"More than anything, she left a life that she loved too, for me. We were only married a couple of years really, but I couldn't remember clearly a time that she wasn't in my life. She'd still go and visit her family, most of the time I went with her, but you know how it is with harvests, you can't just up and leave them. Her family though, they travelled around a lot, often weren't in the area, so when she heard they were, I told her to go, I'd stay and mind we didn't lose the crop, she was close to her time, and wanted to see her mam, she was so excited. Dana was sure the little'un was going to be a girl, was planning how she'd teach her to dance- to dance like _her_. Not me, she always said I was like a tree come to life, _her_ living tree though. Thing is, you see, Dana's family, they weren't _safe._ Always just keeping ahead of the hunters. Right up until then. That was the last time I saw her alive. The bounty hunters got what they wanted, and there was no reason to…"

Percival looked sick and his eyes closed.

Ignoring the usual arm-slapping thing, remembering what Arthur had offered, Merlin shifted to sit next to Percival and covered his clenched hand with his own.

"She sounds wonderful. I'm glad you brought each other such joy, and I'm sorry they were taken from you too soon. Percival opened his eyes to look over at Merlin, seeing his hidden grief reflected there and something altered in his appraisal. "Thank you. Who was it, Merlin? Who did you lose?"

Merlin closed his eyes against the tears he tried to never shed. "Hey. You don't have to tell me."

He shook his head and took a ragged breath. "No. I think I do. She deserves that. I don't actually think this is exactly what Gwaine had in mind, because I've never mentioned her, not to anyone." Merlin side eyed Percival, who dropped a massive arm about his shoulders. "Her name was Freya. I never really got to see her dance, although there are rumours even now about my dressing habits; I stole one of Morgana's ball gowns." Percy smiled at that, "She was brought in here in chains, what those evil- they hurt her, the rags were just wrong. She was kind, and gentle, we made each other laugh.

She knew bits of me that no-one else could, but I was young and stupid. If I'd been faster maybe, but I didn't know enough then to… Freya was a druid, Percival, but she was cursed, against her will, and while she could be calm next to me, without that, she was deadly. I know most people would think that is unforgivable, but by then I spent a lot of time with knights, and lethal women, and- and I prefer someone who I know is _able_ to fight back." Percival nodded slowly, "The family Dana left, were they traders, or druids?"

Percival kept his voice level, and his answer non committal, "I think you know the answer to that Merlin."

Swallowing, Merlin paused, wondering how much he should or could explain, but Gwaine had been right and Percy…

"I was there. I was _so close_ to being where she needed me, just… not enough. I created a distraction, but it was too late, she was wounded, and there was nothing that could have saved her. She hurt someone nearly as badly when they attacked her, and I didn't care.

I picked her up, and she smiled, she was… Freya was so pale, even more than usual, and her breathing got shallower. I didn't know what to do, they wouldn't have helped her anyway. So I ran. I carried her, so that they couldn't treat her like she hadn't mattered, hadn't been loved, I wasn't looking where I was going properly, just thinking of where we'd planned to stay one day. Freya is… She's at rest now, by some miracle I carried her to the Lake of Avalon, she died there in my arms," He laugh-sobbed, "I burned her body on the lake, in the Lady Morgana's stolen ball gown. She said thank you, at the end, for making her feel loved again. Yet I've never told anyone about who she _was_. How is that loving?"

Percival didn't tell him it was ok. He listened, and let Merlin weep silently, as he had done for his own losses.

"You really took her to the Lake of Avalon?"

"Yeah." Merlin whispered, scrubbing a sleeve ineffectively across his face.

"Dana said that was supposed to be the most beautiful place on earth. Untouchable by evil. Whatever your Freya endured, she wasn't alone. You took a druidess to the Lake of Avalon?" Merlin nodded, "You proved to her before she let go that her soul was good, and accepted by the goddess. You didn't just give her love Merlin, you gave her _peace._ If Dana- If Dana _was_ here she'd be proud of you." They sat quietly for a while, thoughts wandering.

"Does Lance know?" Percival knew the pair were close.

"Not like that, no. He knows a little. He doesn't understand. I don't think he'd appreciate the nuanced morality much."

Percival nodded.

"No, he probably doesn't. I hope he doesn't." Merlin smiled tightly, knowing what Percy meant.

"So if this is not what Gwaine had in mind, not that tonight hasn't been quite intense enough mind, what did he want, manhandling you in here in typical 'helping' fashion?"

"He said you wouldn't think was crazy for having a friendly ghost, and one I'd happily strangle."

"Not overly effective with ghosts, but sure, go for it?"

Merlin stared at him, "You don't think I'm crazy?"

"Dana wasn't. Why would you be different?" If ever there was a loaded question, thought Merlin.

"It wasn't only that, he thought you were the next best thing to stopping me doing anything stupid."

"He said I'd sit on you, didn't he?"

"A little bit, yeah."

"Well, if it's that bad, I'll find us some ale."

A chill went through the room.

"There you are! You said you'd be in the crazy one's room!"

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Well, the crazy one is in a meeting, so I'm stuck with the not-crazy knight just now instead, ok?"

Percival raised a questioning eyebrow at Merlin,

"This was Eileen, she's met Gwaine."

"Oh, I see, Good evening then."

"Merlin? Are they _all_ crazy?"  
"No, it's just that Percival has also met Gwaine."  
"Ah, right. Lachlan says you're probably not ready to see him again yet."

"Aye, he's not wrong. I think I need to talk to Kilgarrah first really."

Eileen smiled gently, "I'll tell him. You look _sad_ Merlin."

"Yeah. Right now I think I can give you 'sad' or 'burning rage'- sorry 'overpowering wrath'. Sadness is less destructive and everyone lives."

The ghost nodded understandingly, "I like those days Merlin, they're special."

He nodded, "They shouldn't be Eileen, days where everyone lives? They should just be days."

Percival stood behind him, like the quiet wall of strength he was, "Merlin, is it possible for others to see her?"  
"Some. Why?" Merlin wasn't sure why the knight was asking about that.

"Well, it seems like bad manners not to ask, but I wasn't sure if she required an invitation or something."

His first ghost smiled gently at Percy, "I like this one. You can keep him."  
"Well I wasn't about to get rid of him. You do realise how weird that would be, right? I know you don't require invitations to _my_ room, but what about here?"

Eileen grimaced, "No, it just takes more energy and I don't want to feel faded later. I could show him fast though?"

"It _would_ be more polite."

"Better or worse than the disembodied voice?"

"You know, Eileen, I think that's really a subjective thing."

The air before Percival rippled, a smiling young woman appearing, dwarfed by him but cheerfully bobbing a curtsy "Nice to meet you my Lady, any friend of Merlin is welcome in my home."

She smiled brightly, "Nice to meet you Sir Percival, I haven't had an invitation to a knights room for a very long time. Oh, and please remember that good friends don't kill each other."

"I'll um- remember that."

"Good." She said, as though he'd agreed to something. "Goodnight."

"I have to go upstairs now,"  
"I'm sorry I can't help right now Eileen,"  
"That's ok, I remember Merlin. Dragons. I've got you." She winked and half- skipped away.

"Huh. She's not what I expected."

"She's not what _anyone_ expected,"

"Not even you?"

Merlin groaned, " _Especially me_."

"How did _that_ happen?" Percival really was quite good at keeping someone distracted, Merlin realised when Gwaine returned much, much later.

"Hey, thanks Percy."

"Anytime Merlin, even if it's just a day no one knows matters."

Merlin did feel a bit guilty leaving instantly, but really, he owed Gwaine, so instead steered the man back to his own room and closed the door, kicking off his boots in an indication of intent to stay. "Gwaine?"

The knight looked up at him, and Merlin removed the mocking tone from his voice, "You look like shit, come on, what's the Prat done to you?"

"Me? Nothing. Just had a lot of _realisations_ tonight, and been confronted with information that changes things. Don't panic Merlin. Not you. I think you might be the one who's told him the fewest lies about things that matter."

"Don't say that, Gwaine."

"You came to me afraid of you might do. I believe the other side of your coin was confronted with some similarly traumatic information, albeit with very different guides, he's just trying to work out what to do with it."

"I'm sorry"

Gwaine pulled the other man down, "Pretty sure it's my turn to demand a hug. Did either of your friends meet Percy?"  
"Yeah, they met."

"Which one?"

"The one you like, the other sensibly decided to give me a few days to cool off."

"You think it'll be enough?"  
"Gwaine, the castle is still standing. Right now that's a fucking miracle. We even had a day where everyone lived, which the ghosts think are 'special'."

The knight hummed and shut his eyes, "You're that powerful, huh?"

"If I said yes, would you run?"

"Too tired to run; and you're warm."

"What if I said it would be easy?"

"I'd believe you, and ask you very nicely to stop wriggling and wait until morning."

Merlin held himself rigid for a minute, thinking; "Gwaine? I'm a warlock, not just Kilgarrah's Lord."

It was almost worth opening his eyes to express disbelief at the belated notification. "Yeah, I got that, he called you Young Warlock. The dragon's not that subtle."

"You never said anything."

"Shut up Merlin, or I _will_ kick you out. You're thinking too loud."


	25. Chapter 25

**Arthur and Gwaine**

Gwaine returned alone, and grim looking. "Sire, you need to dismiss the guards."

"Dismiss the..? Gwaine, they are _guards_ , for guarding the Regent and _others_."

The knight bit back the instinctive retort to that. "They're men like any other, and this is _not_ a conversation you want overheard. Nor do I _know_ what's in some of the scrolls Lord Geoffrey handed me. Only that he believed it important or relevant to what he termed, 'Very sensible questions'."

Camelot's Prince groaned deeply, "I hate it when Lord Geoffrey says that about _anything_ in Council."  
"Sire? Dismiss the guards. Please." He waited.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "You sound like an old woman Gwaine, but fine, if you say so."

His knight breathed a sigh of relief as they were left alone.

At least the Prince was _starting_ the night in a relatively open frame of mind. He'd no idea which turns it might take. How elements of the _Prince's_ knowledge might alter his own thoughts, or why the archivist had given them certain items, though most were obvious.

"Well, you should know that Lord Geoffrey is the best actor I've seen in all my years through the five kingdoms and beyond, and that's saying something. Also, that his advice should _never_ be undervalued. If he gives you something that sounds odd, take him aside after and pursue it.

The man has a memory that would put a _bard_ to shame. You and I, have a great deal to discuss, though how to fit it into one night I've no idea. Perhaps you could begin with some questions? Or we could look for inspiration to the scrolls."

Getting the impression that it was going to be one of the horrible long nights he had occasionally. The sort that seared themselves in his memory, Arthur figured it would probably not improve simply by procrastination.

"Bring the wine jug and parchment, and join me at the desk."

"As you wish, Princess."

"Sir Gwaine, before I end up angry at things being withheld from me, I wish to thank you for drawing it to my attention, however unintentional it may have initially been."

Gwaine did as requested and raised his cup."I will protect my family here with my life."

Arthur watched him closely, "I understand Sir Gwaine that you have taken my knight to be brothers, so will assume you speaking of them?"

"Certainly Sire. I gave you my oath at the round table, I did not do so lightly."

Arthur nodded, accepting the affirmation of his loyalty.

"Sire, if we are to do this I need you to understand that the gaps in your knowledge are not of your own making, nor a reflection of how I or the knights regard you. You are a good man and a strong leader. There are those who for their own reasons, or limitations have acted in a way that does not benefit the _future_ of Camelot, and while it is connected to some who you have trusted, it is _not_ at all the fault of any men- or women- who you have _chosen,_ the cracks go back a long way. They have to. Tonight will be painful, for both of us I believe. Your Archivist did not seem particularly keen on pulling his punches earlier."

The prince's eyebrows rose, "Does he know who you are by birth?"

Gwaine scowled, "He recorded my birth. Apparently my _dear_ mother chose a name that doesn't show up often in the records he was responsible for. Enough to look twice."

Arthur sighed. "People I trusted you said."

Gwaine looked, concentrating on staying calm. "All men make mistakes, and all live with regrets, perhaps we should reserve judgement for now, often the worst mistakes are made when no _good_ choices are available to men."

"You know, or suspect what these contain, don't you." Arthur accepted the proffered goblet of wine. "I suspect what avenues it may open, and I have learned a great deal in different lands Sire. There are things in Camelot that do not quite fit, and problems I don't understand being left."

Arthur rested his head in his hands. "You're calling me 'sire', Gwaine, non-sarcastically."

The knight acknowledged the variation. "This is not a round the campfire camaraderie situation Arthur. If you think I'm going to keep it up in the morning you've another thing coming, but I don't want you to _truly doubt_ my respect."  
"Then please, for the love of Camelot go with 'Arthur', it's a balance between the two."

"Much better. Right, shall we begin with terminated bloodlines that are complete in Caerleon with dates of death, or 'that one time with the Questing Beast'?"

Arthur grimaced. Yes. Those."

Gwaine reached for the relevant scroll, wincing at the thought his name was there. "I thought about erasing my name. Was going to do it too, but then I saw what damage it has done to the records. Look here. This is your line. There is Morgana's, except that it's wrong, and the birth date is incorrect here. The day of the year matches what we had recorded, but year itself does not, and her sisters are missing. Here, look, it's done well, but there's a space where something is missing. Names have been removed. It's not the only place either, your mother's brothers are listed here only as deceased, without date. That line ends with you. Which fact is unimportant to us right now. Over here is where it gets interesting. There are no dates of death, only a cessation. No more marriages, births, nothing, except that several of them- not all- have a line drawn and either 'removed', 'resolved', or 'end assured'. Due to the generation they appear to correlate to I believe this may have been a small part of the Purge, written euphemistically."

Arthur nodded, taking a drink, he knew many had died in his father's Purge and the war on magic. "Well yes, surely you would expect there to be casualties."

Gwaine mentally counted to ten. "Look at the dates of birth and last marriages Arthur… and look at the name _furthest to the right._ I don't know about you, but I only one Hunith, and she did not die without issue as this says."

"I wonder… Could it be the same one? You really think _this_ could be Merlin's mother?"

Gwaine looked away, wondering how he could set Arthur on track without betraying Merlin. "I _think_ it would be a big coincidence for a different one of similar age to know Gaius well enough to send her son as his ward. He's the Court Physician of Camelot and has been for many years. A whole other problem. It's uncommon for a single peasant woman, let alone a subsistence farmer who raised a bastard son to know such a man well. There is always the chance that it is coincidental."

Arthur looked at his friend, at once mocking and serious. "You don't believe that."

Gwaine tilted his head, "No; but it doesn't matter what I believe. The responsibility of deciding does not rest on my shoulders. I can offer insight, but I cannot and will not contend your authority."

"His Father's name is missing from the document."

Gwaine sighed sadly. "No Arthur. His father's _line_ is missing from the document. Did you ever ask? Not _demand_ , but _ask_ Merlin who his father was?"

Arthur's frown showed his internal conflict already, "Merlin said he'd never met his Father."  
Gwaine shrugged. "He didn't lie. When you asked he hadn't. Didn't have so much as a name to go on- and for reasons I can't share yet that has caused a great deal of unresolved anger."

"Why are you telling me this? Doesn't it go against your no-sharing policy?" Arthur asked.

Gwaine frowned deeply, as though he had to think about how to answer. "I'm telling you because you _asked_ , and you need to know that you are _not_ the only one who has suffered from the choices others have made. You are not the only one to have had information that would have been life changing- or at least _shaping_ kept from you. Even Morgana, darkness and hatred aside, suffered through the ignorance of those around her and the thorough rejection of her sire. You said before that he offered power or affection. I saw before how Uther made what he granted or offered conditional. He did it to both and ensured that his children would never unite to challenge him. You are a tactician Arthur, a good one. Imagine… imagine it was _me,_ in _Caerleon's_ court. My half brother was the full heir, and could not challenge his father alone. Had I been behind him and at his side then there would be no-one to claim rivalry he would have a much stronger chance. Analyse it. I've had a _long time_ to do so. It took me far too long to understand why my Sire 'allowed' himself to be manipulated by a grieving wife until she had a legitimate heir." Gwaine shrugged. "As much as anything else, I was was a tool. A pawn. Morgana figured it out earlier. If she had truly only been a ward then the logical step would have been a political marriage, which they groomed her for, but perhaps it was a step too far. Learning the lies was the end. Not magic, that had been there from her very first vision as a child. You called them nightmares. Outside the borders, they called her a Seer."

Arthur couldn't look at his friend as he forced out a response, "Pray tell me then, what _is_ a Seer?"

Gwaine shrugged. "Exactly what it sounds like. One who Sees. They have visions of the future, or _probable futures_. They can be used as warnings, if the Seer is supported correctly, offered compassion and a way to learn to control them so that it's not a constant loss of control, not just subject their mind to the fears of those around them or strongest emotions. If it's ignored, they begin to suffer… imbalances. Initially it can look like minor over reactions, easily missed if one doesn't understand. There is no possible way either of you two could have done."

"Then _who did_." Arthur's tight grip on anger slipping.

Gwaine couldn't meet Arthur's eyes, his voice low. "Arthur, who was in the court before the learning was burned? Who has returned since then? Old enough to remember, or foreign enough to dare study.

If magic was mentioned in your father's hearing he had women, men, and children killed _if they were lucky_. If anything he believed was linked to it has been mentioned, he had them executed, or tortured. Had it been suggested that _she_ had any…? No teacher could come near. Frankly _I'm_ still nervous discussing it with you and I know you're a good and honourable man.

He hasn't had me arrested for witchcraft yet which is quite the short list. Exiled; but not burned. I'm assuming you do know anyone who sees a witch-catcher is tortured, which I _know_ includes Merlin, Gaius, and Morgana- don't look at me like that, I know you've wondered about some of the marks he never mentioned. On quests he can't always cover them up. He makes all of the salves and balms anyway, Merlin wouldn't want to worry you and it's not like it can be undone."

"I didn't… I didn't know actually." Arthur looked sick, and it puzzled Gwaine.

"What did you think his _special skills_ were? Baking?"

Arthur looked away, "Well given his title, detecting magic users actually, his always confessed." Really it simply hadn't occurred to him that his father would use _that way_ for information when he convicted it's practicers openly.  
Gwaine rolled his eyes, "Of course they did, execution was kinder, and at least they knew it would end."

The Prince closed his eyes, "God, he came in to work after. It seemed odd when Aredian fell from a window in a weird accident." He paused, "It's because it wasn't an accident, isn't it? All three of them were in that room with us."

"Would you blame them if it wasn't? The king sanctioned it. Commanded it. They would have had no recourse, because he acted according to the law and with Uther's authority."

Arthur shook his head, "No. I really couldn't. I should have seen."

"Yes." Removing the responsibility for observations and actions from the Prince wouldn't serve him well, and he wouldn't appreciate being cushioned.

"However, even if you _had,_ you would not yet have had the power to challenge it, and they went out of their way to hide it. Morgana from pride and shame, Merlin from the same and a wish to hide it from you. It's important to him you not see him as weak."

Arthur looked appalled, "I don't view him as weak. Not really." Gwaine glanced over to his friend without accusation, "Not now you don't. After everything we've been through of course you don't, but then you weren't," Gwaine thought 'friends' might be dangerous right now so resorted to, "like you are now."

Arthur indicated the jug. "Top me up Sir Gwaine. I've a horrible feeling at this stage it isn't likely to get _better_."

Gwaine filled both goblets to the brim, "I wish I could disagree Arthur, but I suspect not."

The prince rested his head in his hands and just breathed for a minute, before sitting back in his chair. "Then let us continue. This has already gone on for far too long, and I need to have a place to begin, one night is not going to be enough to learn it all."  
"It certainly isn't Arthur. I wish it was." Confirming that it could get much, _much_ worse wouldn't help.

"I must admit, Gwaine, I didn't anticipate things being quite so _personal._ I dislike the vulnerability… and the possible implications."

"Unfortunately many things _are_ bound up in your own life, as must be for every future king." Arthur narrowed his eyes at him, "Merlin called me something like that once, what was it?"

He thought… "Once and future king. He sounded so _serious_. One of his always unexpectedly wise moments." Gwaine drained his cup. Shit, that would be a complicated one. He'd always gone looking for adventure, and it did seem that one had found him that was far bigger than he ever sought.

"Huh. Did he now?" Dammit, he was far too old to have his voice crack like that. Somehow he doubted the counting was going to work this time. Bloody Once and Future King? If he could trust Kilgarrah not to roast him...

The Prince appeared concerned at his lack of focus, "What else do you think was covered by the magic laws that is not _technically_ magic?"

'Oh, so very many things Arthur.' was not an appropriate response.

Gwaine tried to scrape together enough of a coherent thought after Arthur's offhand comment about legends to answer him.

"Quite a number of skills and birth traits. For example healing, the herbs and preparation were often similar for both medicine and ritual purposes. You only have one physician in Camelot. There _is_ a reason for that. Prophecy, which cannot be forced, no matter how a sorcerer may try. The art of the dragonlords. Not technically magic _and_ an inherited trait - Uther slaughtered them with the dragons, they have no choice at all. Creatures of the old religion- like unicorns- _are_ magic, and again it is innate, in their very life blood. Uther murdered babes in their swaddling clothes, and any woman who slept with those who may pass on known abilities, the survivors made it to other Lords occasionally to beg refuge. My father took a few, the king I couldn't tell you for sure.

Mind to mind speech was common in certain communities. That's not magic, just a different language." Gwaine paused, it felt cruel, callous to list, but he'd no actual guarantee of another occasion to speak freely of any of it.

"These are hard things to hear, dark things, I know, but if you truly wish to address the damage it will take time, and shrouding everything in darkness is laying this land open to harm. Already your people are deprived of physicians, and without uh- other types of healers. It causes needless deaths, and makes weakening border defenses too easy. Men die on the battlements of blood-loss and in the infirmaries of infection. _Good men._ I will not pretend it is easy to see my brothers in arms die knowing they could easily be saved."

Arthur's face was dark, he wouldn't buy his friend's lives with innocents. "Is it not true then that the price for one life is another."  
"Aye, it is that, and I am more relieved than you can possibly know that _that at least_ is familiar to you. Preventing a death from ever occurring, before a fatal wound though? Speeding the knitting of an artery? No. _That_ costs nothing. No lives. Only hope."

Arthur felt like he was drowning.

"Setting aside the _massive_ issue of magic. We have only _one_ physician in Camelot?"

Gwaine sipped at his drink, "Yes. Gaius. Well, one and a half, though Merlin does more than Gaius half the time since The Thing with Morgana."

The prince's expression clouded over as though trying to make sense of a difficult problem, which Gwaine supposed he was.

"Just them? For everyone?"  
The knight cocked his head in Arthur's direction, "Well yes, why else do you think they would go out to the villages to deal with outbreaks? Have you ever seen another physician here- one who doesn't then die."

"No. I don't remember any."

"How old do you think Gaius is Arthur? Don't _tell me_ , just guess and check the parchment." Arthur did so and looked up in shock  
"Oh, shit! For real?"

It was hard not to show amusement at that, surely he'd noticed the man was present all his life and aging? Or maybe it had been so incremental that he hadn't, seeing him every day?

"Mhmm. Now, what do you think happens if Camelot is attacked in a few years, because everyone outside _knows_ your father executes healers and physicians. Anyone with the skills coming in doesn't leave."  
Arthur scowled, "You know this how?"

"Arthur I spent over a decade moving, listening, surviving based on skills, instinct, and having useful information. Any healers who once resided here took their families and fled. They were 'removed'. Check your documents. The Purge is _still_ going on, maybe not the way it once was, but there _are_ still executions. Even your kindness- and it absolutely _was_ a kindness Sire, no matter what Merlin may perceive, was painful. Exile is difficult for an older person."

Arthur stared at the liquid remaining in his cup. "Why did they lie to me Gwaine?"

His friend looked at him with compassion, "I truly wish I had the answer for you Arthur, I really do, but I don't. All I have is experience, and a lot of anomalies in Camelot's records. They are centred around the times of your own birth and Morgana's. The Purge that followed leaves no official records. The only thing I found of the sort is… is this." He hesitantly held out the book. High quality. Gwaine gave no hint. In truth he had no words. He had glanced inside and been unable to continue from the second page. Arthur opened it and his eyes went wide with shock as he looked up to the knight.

"Names, ages, charges. This was only the first year of the Purge Arthur… When I am _not here_ you need to read it, the names of those who burned and bled."

The Prince swallowed against a dry throat. He was holding what might be the only record of some victims, and proof of how extensive the Purge had really been.

"Anyway, there are several situations that have occured in Camelot in the past few years that could _only_ have been resolved with magic, or fought by it. Swords- unless they are _magical swords_ don't work against it. Flesh and blood yes, steel against steel, magic against magic.

Your enemies and allies, even those who agree with _Uther's_ hardest stance against magic understand this. As the king fades, the scrutiny will fall further upon you. Choices must be made Sire, of how you wish to go forwards. There is magic in Camelot whether you would have or not, and it is magic which has saved you, me, this _city_ many times over. It is the _only_ thing that could defeat some of them." Arthur looked sceptical and as though he was about to protest, Gwaine took a risk and cut in, "No. Did you you really think we defeated _an immortal army_ without it? How many did you cut down? They kept fighting, nothing without magic can kill the undead mate. I cut one in two and _he got back up_. If that didn't give you the hint, I don't know what will, and before you get all over-dramatic and angry, no, I didn't know, it came as quite the shock to me. Takes immense power to break something like that though, so whoever it is, I'm bloody glad they're on my side instead of working together _with_ Lady Morgana. If they were driven to each other, you and I'd stand no chance. You've had a magical shield against them, all of you, even as you killed their kin, they've offered to stand in the breach when someone left you open and vulnerable because in the council they said you _didn't need these defences_. Believe me, continued failure that could _only_ be defeated with magic will be confusing the hell out of any witches. Unfortunately, your defender apparently has no fucking idea of how politics works in the longer term and are just pro- saving lives." Gwaine rolled his eyes,

"Which puts you in the horrible and unenviable position of either bringing in a Court sorcerer or advisor on magic _quietly_ and editing your magic laws to not instant-death, or openly admitting that all of Camelot under 45 years of age knows fuck-all about magic and is utterly vulnerable to it. I guess, you need to decide where you want to take it. Right now you still have time, Uther still lives, you aren't in a king-swapping crisis yet, that's good. Gaius may be able to begin teaching another apprentice, or Merlin, except that then Merlin couldn't be your servant anymore."

Arthur glared daggers at the man who was refusing to soften the blows. "Congratulations. You've just acquired a seat on the council as an advisor Gwaine, consider it both punishment and reward for all….this."

The look of horror he returned was _almost_ worth the pain. "No- don't do this to me! I could come to reconsider my stance on you being a good man, Arthur."

The Prince's brows climbed at the wounded look of his friend. "I can live with that."

Gwaine let out an overly victimised sounding sigh, "Well, who am I going to have to sit on a council with?"

Arthur grimaced, "Guinivere, obviously, she might keep you in check a little, Probably Lancelot or Leon, a bunch of stuffy Lords."  
" _Obviously._ " Sarcasm dripped from the word.  
Arthur ignored it with effort, "Whoever fills the place of second advisor, and the positions left open I guess."

Gwaine gave Arthur an evaluating look. "I'll accept it on one condition, Princess. You get over your 'Merlin's just a servant' hangup and add him. He's been at your side for years, you know his advice is- mostly- sound, and if you can do it for Gwen then you can do it for him."

Arthur frowned, "Guinevere's brother is a knight, Gwaine."

"So should Merlin be, _but_ passing over that oversight, you figure out or learn who his father is? _Then_ come and tell me his rank isn't high enough. I guarantee you the stuffiest asshole there won't have a leg to stand on if you _want_ him there."

The Prince smirked bitterly, "You broke a promise, Gwaine."

The man huffed, "Did I indeed. You think? Fine. Name him. Or his position. Or the bloodline. I showed you his mother- possibly, but you already had her name. If you had known to look it would have stood out."

Frustration left Arthur wanting to throw something, "I can't."

"Then you can begin to understand why it breeds fury that neither could he, while others here could and chose not to."

Arthur's shock was poorly hidden, " _Why?_ What possible cause could they have for that?"

His friend sighed sadly, thinking of the state he'd left his friend in, "Aye. Yet another thing I wish I had answers to offer for and don't, what I wouldn't give..."

The Prince rubbed his forehead, "If those I have trusted are working against me, who do I go to for answers?"

Gwaine stared into his goblet, considering. "I don't know about _working against you_ per se. More that things have become… disjointed. Tasks that would normally have been done, or completed, have not been or could not be. Choices that spiralled or were made, like some of your own, without having necessary information, without ever realising it was _missing._

Did you know most other castles have wards? The weakest ones are like tripwires. They do nothing active, cause no _harm_ at all, but they alert the enemy of your forces and relative strength far in advance of your arrival without being detectable without a magic user with you. No delay or risks with scouts. They have an advantage already. The walls are often reinforced. No longer enough to be _obvious_ , but enough to make them more secure and harder to bring down. It limits damage, even if they do fall. Camelot would have had them in place before magic was outlawed, certainly until your father solidified a power base, but with no one left to strengthen them or restore them after an attack… Of course anyone trying would be accused and burned. Anyone _young_ wouldn't know such a thing existed or was even possible.

They aren't used like the Sigan of nightmares did. Their people sleep at night feeling more secure is all. It encourages trade, and investment of people and resources, which any land needs to survive. How many women remain at court? When they begin bearing children they do not stay where there is no midwife or healer, they leave _with_ their children. How many generations can Camelot survive it Arthur? These things are _not_ of your orchestration, but you are the only king who can actively repair it, the population has been decimated- check the population and taxation data for the years we have. I couldn't find anything before your birth, I'm sorry. Your only hope for _that_ is Lord Geoffrey. It's as though he's designed the whole damn library to _hide_ things rather than be accomodating." Gwaine held Arthur's gaze as he said it, relieved when the prince nodded his understanding slowly. "It seems I need to speak rather urgently with our archivist."

"I think that would be very wise Sire. He did make one request. That we do not share our current activities with Gaius. I don't think it means you avoid speaking to him about _his own_ part in all of this, only that you collect the data as uncontaminated or compromised as possible before drawing any final conclusions."

Arthur nodded thoughtfully, his fingers steepled. "There is more that you are not telling me."

Gwaine's expression closed off, reminding Arthur just how much he was being _permitted_ to share. How new it still was to _all_ of them. He knew too that he couldn't have been the first to offer a bit of himself to allow others the same. "Arthur, I mean no disrespect, but do you think me adding any more tonight is going to benefit either of us? Knowing something and understanding it, or what to even _do_ with that knowledge is not the same."

The Prince's pinched expression was its own answer. "How long have they been hiding things? Our enemies can see it, why couldn't our friends."  
"Arthur, Uther does not take criticism well. The neighbouring kingdoms didn't _have_ to do anything. They may have benefited in some ways, but they did not come in and _steal_ skilled craftsmen."  
"Gwaine, the man you told me to speak to has spent decades _not_ training a replacement. He made _no plans_ to have a replacement, took on no boys at all. I _know_ he can teach anyone, because he taught _me_ during a stubborn phase."  
That sounded to the knight like a thankless task indeed, "Then find out what the _reason_ is for the decision, because he wouldn't have taught you properly if he didn't wish you to succeed."  
"Gwaine, he _didn't_ teach me properly!" The Prince tried to keep his voice down, the last thing he wanted was to attract attention.

The knight spread his hands to include the scrolls that covered the table. "Arthur, he taught you what was _legal_ , all those things that didn't carry the death penalty. Perhaps if you go to him _now_ , a mostly-mature adult with his own thoughts, and ask him, he may answer you and help fill in the gaps. If he didn't _want_ to help you he wouldn't have given you these documents for reference, if he'd decided not to oblige me, I'd never have _found_ the things. I believe he has done some _terrible_ things, but not that he wishes to see the end of Camelot, or your downfall. Look at me and tell me _you_ haven't done anything you regret. Serious things. _I_ can't do it. Perce can't. Merlin can't. All of whom are _good men_."

Arthur's hands were trembling as he placed them on the desk. "This is going to change things, isn't it?"

Gwaine flinched but didn't look away, keeping his tone even. "Yes Arthur. If you let it. If you find the courage to face it."

Arthur examined Gwaine closely, studied him. "You _believe I can_."  
"You are my King, Arthur. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

The Prince smiled softly at his friend, "Yes you would. You're Merlin's as much as mine."

Gwaine returned it, "Merlin is yours before anyone's, he always will be, and I knew that from the beginning."

Arthur leaned back in his chair, "That really doesn't bother you?"

Gwaine squinted at him, "Of course it does, the pair of you are mad and have no sense of _self_ -preservation, but if he's always got your back, I have his, which means _you_ concentrate better on not _needing_ intervention. If you are willing Sire, I would offer to do more another night of this with you, but there is more than enough to explore right now, and you already have the basics of a plan in mind. My presence will be more hindrance for you than help, and we both know it."

"No, you're free to go Sir Gwaine. I have… more than enough here. Thank you for bringing it to my attention."

"Thanks for not having me arrested" Gwaine half-bowed. "You want the guards back?

"Let them take the doors that lead here, I suspect this may prompt a scene I would not wish to be common castle gossip." He lifted the book of names.

"Goodnight then Sire."

Gwaine was absolutely exhausted. He hadn't let his own feelings about all of the tangled web on the _surface_ let alone deeper show. Inside he was screaming.

Merlin's acceptance of it without requiring an explanation was unexpectedly soothing.

When he was woken by the man thrashing and screaming, trapped in an apparent nightmare, he returned the gesture, waking him without asking questions.

He'd slept on hunts without ever seeing it this bad, but he'd certainly seen plenty of Merlin 'going for a walk', and quieter things so what could cause _that_ reaction he wasn't sure he wanted to know. The tremors took a long time to fade after.

Unable to go back to sleep Merlin sat up, waking Gwaine just enough to form words,

"M'lin mate? You gonna go do som'thn stupid?"

Throat aching he shook his head. "No. Thanks Gwaine, it's still dark, there's just enough left. Gonna see 'Garrah. Can I come back?"

"Not scared of locks are you?"

Merlin shook his head, "No."  
"'S'fine then. Tell h'm I know." Gwaine frowned, his voice not forming the syllables he wanted it too.

"Go to sleep Gwaine."

The man didn't argue. Unlike Merlin, magic wouldn't keep _him_ awake.

Merlin barely bothered to hide, only casting a quick concealment and _running._ He was sure he shouldn't have been able to move so fast, it was _strange._ Reaching their clearing Merlin let go, roaring to the sky, knees buckling. He didn't remember a time that Kilgarrah had reacted as quickly that didn't involve serkets.

The dragon took in Merlin's broken appearance and for once mercifully didn't ask, just curling around him, a protective mountain no man would dare challenge as Merlin wept. Dragons weren't really designed for hugs he thought, but letting him lean against his neck was probably as close as they could get.

The skies opened above them as Merlin broke, the two knights finally allowing him to see grief and healing, the torrential rain and rolling thunder was noted by fewer than a handful in Camelot, and less understood it's cause. When he finally felt able to move without anything else exploding Merlin leaned his forehead against Kilgarrah's. "I am so very, very sorry my friend."

" _Merlin_ , you cannot change the past. You gave _me_ back my freedom."

The Warlock looked up to his kin with a calm certainty, "I could."

" _Merlin!_ Promise me you won't try to meddle with time. Not even to save my brethren. That would be… Even _I_ do not know what it would do to the balance, but I do know your heart would be lost, even if _you_ yourself still came to exist."

Merlin pressed harder against Kilgarrah.

"I can't stop seeing it, all of them, over and over, so _many_. How do you do it? How do I survive this Kilgarrah?"

The dragon blew warm magic over him, easing some of the ache. "You remind yourself that you are Merlin. That you are better than that. You wake up each day and remind yourself of what is still beautiful, and good. Then you realise what you _are_ to the Old Religion."

"What if the beauty has faded?" Kilgarrah's eyes filled with pain, and love. Merlin had missed it before. Maybe he just hadn't been looking.

"Come. Fly with me. Let me remind you."

The tears still fell but Merlin managed a laugh, "What happened to 'I am not a horse'?"

"I remembered the joy of flying with company. We are short of full darkness my Lord, hurry up."

"You're going with 'My Lord' today instead of 'young warlock'?"

Kilgarrah turn his head to look at Merlin as he climbed on, "Well I thought you'd prefer it to Emrys but if you'd rather?"

"You know what, Kilgarrah? I don't care. You're here. We're here. Let's fly."

The dragon grinned as he launched them upwards.

Very little clears a mind like freefall. Or spinning, and flirting with storm clouds. Gathering the thunder shouldn't have been calming him the way it was. Ooh, he was going to get into trouble for drawing with the lightning. He'd worry about it tomorrow. People didn't like to believe in _proper_ magic anyway. Much easier to think it was something else.

When they returned to earth Merlin could think far more clearly.

He really needed to find some less illegal stress management.

"Sorry I called you for something so… insignificant as a nightmare."

Kilgarrah shook his head sadly, "That was many things Merlin, but it was not insignificant. Never fear calling me for grief, or to stop from razing half of Albion." He raised a draconic brow.

"Yeah. That… that would be a _Bad Thing_." Merlin scowled.

"It really would, Young warlock. However would Albion rise if you have squashed it?"

If dragons could smile less like they were considering eating someone that might have worked better, but fortunately Kilgarrah really did prefer deer.

"Thank you Old friend."

"I will be listening My Lord."

Merlin started running moments after the Great dragon left, getting back to Gwaine barely a half hour before he was meant to get up again.

The warmth was probably worth it, even if sleep was a lost cause. Looping an arm around Merlin's waist as he used Gwaine to warm his extremities the knight muttered to him just about coherently. "Thanks for not breaking the castle mate, Maybe cut down on the artistic lightning next time."

Merlin was left to stare at the ceiling while Gwaine snored. He knew. He thought the storm was Merlin, and went to sleep. Next to him. Deliberately. The guy who had woken him almost violently, got upset, and played with lightning.

That was both counter intuitive, and shocking to the warlock, and bounced around in his mind for the whole time he lay there.

This time he was completely unsurprised by the young ghost's appearance as he was washing up, "Good morning Eileen, how was it?"

She frowned at him, which was new. "I saw the storm, Merlin. I heard your dream- only because I was concentrating on dreams then, I wasn't meaning to pry. Are you- what happened?"

Merlin sighed. "A great deal happened, and many things were… understood. It will take time I think. I think I can deal with seeing Lachlan again. Kilgarrah helped."

"Really?" She looked sceptical of the dragon's ability to be 'helpful'.

Merlin nodded. "Really."

"The lightning was pretty. Next time can you do roses?"

It drew a chuckle from him, "Flowers I can do, Eileen, just don't ask for fruit."

"You know you're a very strange man, Merlin, but I like you."

He sighed, "That's probably just as well, I suspect I'm going to be here long enough you might be one of the few to remember that." The ghost reached and took his hand in hers.

"You will not be alone unless you choose to be, Emrys."

It was true, realised Merlin. For the first time, that statement might actually be _true._ Except that until today he had been too afraid to show anyone _Emrys_. Merlin, yes. It's just that the _other_ side of him, the reason he'd run, the reason he hadn't been able to face Gaius, or serve near Uther, the thing that could accidentally pull someone's life force to another body had been certain to send them fleeing. In his own heart, Merlin rather thought that might be the right reaction. The sane one at least.

Clearly his friends were severely short on common sense.

He had waited as long as he really could, avoiding the physicians quarters whenever there was a chance _he_ might be home, but it couldn't last forever, and he wouldn't let people suffer for his own emotional trauma _again_. It was probably time though that he began collecting some of his own equipment even if he was only seeing to the knights and Arthur on a regular basis. Merlin was servant first, physician second, but practical. Perhaps he could put together just a basic kit. Either way, he had to go and restock the herbs, the last of the fresh ones would no longer be 'fresh' now. He might be able to talk Gwen into being company while he sorted them in his home. It didn't _feel_ like home right now. If he wasn't so afraid he'd blow something up he'd probably have moved into his _actual_ servants room by now.

He really hoped Arthur hadn't noticed the details of the storm. Perhaps he'd call off training.

Arthur did not. In fact the man seemed as angry and distressed as Merlin had been the past two nights.

Merlin was shocked usually with him, Arthur would reduced the power he used, just slightly. Today it felt like a proper test.

Yet he believed Gwaine when he said it wasn't _him_ that Arthur was angry about, meeting Arthur's eyes, the rage and raw pain exposed.

After everything he'd faced and confronted recently Merlin snapped. If they were doing this, _fine_. He'd rage and pain enough for all Camelot. The sky clouding over was what drew him back shocked, and Arthur's mouth settled in a grim line.

He'd pushed further than he ever had before, and once Merlin had caved and returned it, he'd only _really_ defended. Even when gold fire flickered just around the edges of his irises. The stunned look when Merlin immediately stopped after the suddenly darkened sky clinched it for him.

Which way to take it indeed. Aye. Focused on saving lives, no courtly training or care for politics, no sense of self preservation and the heart of a warrior without armour.

It seemed Arthur had a great deal of research to be doing, and some old men to interview who were making it very, very difficult not to just throw them all in the dungeon for a few weeks until he felt better.

It was a relief to _both_ of them when Arthur dismissed Merlin to attend to other things, in favour of beating Gwaine round the field with various weapons as punishment for making him _notice Important Things._

If everyone was so complicated, he almost hoped they would keep lying.

Late though he was, Gwaine made proper eye contact with Merlin who remained on the sidelines, as always, and nodded confidently at him. The sheer relief and joy on the man's face was more open than anything he seen from Merlin before. It was in that moment he truly understood how isolated and close to breaking the man had been.


	26. Chapter 26

Arthur was more self contained than usual as Merlin helped him out of his armour and mail. Not insulting him or teasing as was frequent between them. It _had_ though been a particularly stressful time, and Merlin couldn't say he was exactly contributing to their usual dynamic or banter either.

The Prince had _people_ to speak to before he approached Merlin himself with his suspicions. Conclusions. Damn Gwaine; and sorceresses, and _especially_ idiot manservants.

"Arthur, I need to go out to get some herbs for- uhm, healing. It'll take most of the afternoon, when does your armour need to be finished by?"

The Prince closed his eyes, if he looked he'd see _just Merlin_ he knew, and that would distort his focus. Merlin hadn't been here long enough to be responsible for any of the cracks, and he'd seen the man behind the mask again on the field. As he had in his chambers, briefly, and in the clearing that night. "I've spare. As long as it's done by tomorrow I'm not in a rush, I have a ridiculous amount of paperwork to get through, because apparently being regent means I'm supposed to grow another couple of hands, or possibly divide myself in two- which would in reality be _horrific_ \- or they believe my day has become longer. I don't know. I'd send the lot of them home, except that would inflict their incompetence on the masses unchecked."

His servant looked troubled, "You're giving me time? You never do that. What's wrong?"

" _Merlin_ , I am this crown prince of Camelot, _nothing_ is wrong, and even if it was, I could literally declare something right, just to stop it being wrong and they'd all _say_ I was right. At least to my face. Oh, god. You've been here too long, the idiocy must be catching. Between you and Gwaine I'm beginning to think we might have an epidemic. Add _that_ to your chore list too; an idiocy screening. Maybe for the court after the lower town, it might be good to keep people on their toes- why are you still here? Move Merlin. Go do your polishing or flower picking, or _whatever it is_ you do when I'm not there."

"Okaaay, well, maybe a mild sedative, or sleeping draught, or an unsupervised date with Gwen is in order. You sound really stressed. Sorry, leaving, right now, _sire."_

" _Merlin."_

" _Shut up?"_

"Exactly."

The younger man left with the armful of armour, sword, and chainmail.

Bent over his desk Arthur shuddered.

If he was _right_ , and he was _almost_ sure he was, he have a Very Big Problem to deal with.

He was almost certain that lightning was supposed to _only_ by jagged and forked, or sheet lightning. He was even more sure that it wasn't supposed to look like butterflies, flaming dragons, pretty girls, or expletives. Whoever it was seemed pretty pissed, and happier as they opted for a light display. There weren't many people who would _use_ the power of manipulating the fucking _sky_ to form butterflies and dragons, and even fewer of them in Camelot. How did one go about _asking_ knights if they'd seen that? Or even the different colours between forks? If he did, Gwaine would refuse to answer, and they all had some trust issues right now. Gwen had noticed the tension, and asked, and Arthur had snapped at her. She went off hurt and now _Elyan_ was glaring at him, but seriously? They had _no idea_.

Gwaine _hadn't_ told him who fathered Merlin.

Arthur had sat down and attempted to remember any time Merlin might have been _weird_ enough or _quiet_ enough to have just found out who he was between Ealdor and now. He'd only come up with a few, though it did reflect how familiar they were, so wasn't exactly reliable. There were a few notable occasions, but very few _fit._

 _Merlin_ didn't fit. Hunith on the genealogy _had to be_ the same Hunith as Merlin's mother. She was the right age, she knew Gaius. On the genealogy though, there was a space that was _clean_ next to a joining symbol. Hunith had married before the final line underneath had been drawn, and the man's name fully removed. Trying to trace it back was fruitless, it was one of the entire lines that were removed.

Gwaine had said Merlin's _bloodline_ was missing. It had to be something passed down, something they _needed_ to cut off completely, but what if some it had failed? A small number who slipped through the cracks. Arthur could see it happening. An entire dungeon couldn't just empty, but one or two folk, or a 'gathering trip' someone didn't return from. _He'd_ believe a report like that. Any knight who had gone on patrol would.

Hunith had left because of who she was tied to, Arthur was certain of it.

She- and possibly the man- had left _everything_ thoroughly enough as to be recorded dead, and decided Merlin was _safer_ as a peasant bastard than by blood-right. What on earth could make it so dangerous that _this_ was their choice. He couldn't think of anything at all that didn't involve magic. Magic strong enough to inspire fear, or _certain_ to be inherited. A family well enough known that their only way of avoiding exposure was to fake deaths.

Maybe Gwaine had a point about some of his 'only bad choices' theories. It didn't mean Arthur had to like it.

Well, with his ever-present manservant out of the way he couldn't afford to waste time, so the Prince set off in the direction of the library, those who saw him scattering and giving him an indication of what he must be projecting.

Usually Arthur's manners to people who _weren't Merlin_ were impeccable. This time he didn't even knock, opening the doors with far more force than was needed.

Lord Geoffrey looked up from the journal he appeared to be writing in, "Ah. Welcome sire. Have you perhaps run out of suitable parchment?" There wasn't a thing different about the archivist that was different to any other occasion. Arthur thought it might be that which bothered him most, not a single tic, avoidance, no hint of guilt or pretence. He folded his arms across his chest. "Lord Geoffrey I think we both know that's not why I am here."  
"Well, it _has_ been a while since _you_ specifically sought my resources, you cannot blame a man for being somewhat sceptical of whispers."  
Arthur inclined his head, "Quite. Though from what I hear you are something of an expert in those. Tell me Geoffrey, how long have you lived in Camelot?"

"All my life, Sire." He indicated no nervousness, despite Arthur's own lack of calm.  
"And it has been a very _long_ life, has it not?"

Geoffrey sighed, "It has _felt_ a great deal longer, but yes, one might say that."

Arthur nodded thoughtfully. "Then you won't mind me making use of that _very long memory_ of yours I am sure. It appears that there are missing records. Whole swathes in fact, that rather concern me, and I wonder if you might be _persuaded_ to help me fill in the blanks. After all, I am sure that a capable man such as yourself would not have negligently _misplaced_ such important information."

A smile pulled at the corner of the old man's mouth. "Seeing you grown to this gladdens my heart Sire, you will of course have my aid. I am entirely at your service."

Arthur's shoulders relaxed slightly, and he took the seat the Lord indicated, taking a deep breath before he began. Questions about generalities later, questions Merlin must never overhear first, he knew his priorities now.

"Tell me Geoffrey, what do you remember about a young woman by the name of Hunith? She was married here not much over twenty years ago, according to the record, before it 'terminates'."

"May I ask why you wish to know Sire?"

Arthur smiled, it felt remarkably similar to the thrill of the hunt, this pursuit of specific knowledge. "You may, but I am under no obligation to tell you. Does is help if I assure you I've no intention of harming her _or_ her family."

"But Sire, the records say her family no longer exists."

Arthur raised a brow at the old man, "They also say that Gwaine is a common knight, yet we both know it is not so. More importantly still they say that Gorlois is the Father of Lady Morgana- which we _will_ be coming back to, by the way, _later._ "

Geoffrey sat back, checking his door. "Draw the curtains across, it muffles the noises inside, the acoustics cannot be fundamentally altered, but I have tried my best to soundproof it in the absence of an easier way."

"You mean magic?" Arthur asked bluntly, trying to judge who he was _really_ dealing with.

"Ah-ah, I said _easier way,_ and of course, there is no easy way of performing such a feat in the absence of one who has it. I am sure you are not confessing _you_ possess _magic_ to me, Sire?" The archivist's eyes gleamed.

The Prince's lips quirked upwards as he remembered why Geoffrey was the one tutor who finally managed to _force_ him to learn. "Certainly not Lord Geoffrey, but of course if there was one who _did_ it would be _problematic_ with such a thing being _illegal_ and such a frivolous use would be foolish."

"I agree completely Sire." He got the feeling that the old librarian was evaluating _him_ intensely as he was his old tutor.

"One might even say you'd have to be _an idiot_ to attempt such a thing." Arthur shifted, lacing his fingers together watching the man's reaction carefully.

Geoffrey stroked his beard thoughtfully. "One might, but such a suggestion would be extremely dangerous to _all_ who visited a library that was benefitting from such a shield, don't you think, Sire?"

It was risky. Arthur knew it was. In front of him sat a man who could either show him, or at the very least _offer a map_ to the truths he needed, _or_ a man who conspired against him and would feed them poison at a delicate stage. He considered carefully his position. The information was _necessary_ , the possible payoff a more sustainable kingdom, but the risk was just as great should Geoffrey be testing the difference between father and son.

Arthur had once thought he knew the library well, and now he realised it was something else entirely. No. The majority of this would have to be done on _his_ ground.

"I do. Lord Geoffrey. There is only so much that heavy drapes and rugs can soften and mute the noise that assaults a man over time here; perhaps there are certain _tones_ , or _voices_ that require a different approach, more _tailored_ to a specific task. Morgana's piercing tones as a youth for example must have penetrated particularly easily, where a lower, less _interesting_ voice like your own would be far more easily drowned out."

"My Lord, I believe we have a great deal to discuss about potential tapestries, and retired scenes that might be reused here effectively with but little repair." Geoffrey's smile was an odd cross between wolfish and great joy.

"I have come to believe we ought to consider a change of decor Lord Geoffrey. It will require quite extensive discussions to address _sensibly._ Curtain length. _Acceptable materials and those that may be dangerous. Colours even._ Cometo my chambers after the evening meal, alone, there is much to discuss indeed."

The archivist was still smiling, "I look forward to it Sire. Now let me tell you about a young girl I once knew, and the otherwise fearless boy whom she scolded for scorching her books."

Just as he had been leaving, reeling from what he'd learned. Geoffrey had asked him something rather pointed. "What do you wish me to do if an idiot should show up asking for books irrelevant to their position?"

Arthur had raised an eyebrow and made sure to look directly at the man, "Don't be silly. All books are relevant to healers. They have open access. Obstruction of that could be very dangerous."

Geoffrey was beaming, even though he had in essence just informed the man that they were covering the magic user and he was planning to relax the laws. However had he covered his sympathies so long wondered the prince.

Arthur left with more questions than answers but the few he gained were taking all of his concentration to deal with.

There was no point in attempting his paperwork. None.

Abandoning it as a lost cause he decided his best option was to go riding. The castle was making things worse. Taking Llamrei out would help, and they both needed it.

Outside _had_ to be better, and it should have been, except that he managed to choose the most unfortunate direction to ride in to be abruptly reminded that this afternoon _outside_ had _Merlin_. Dragon Lord Merlin. Who was magical. Secretly and very illegally.

Quite likely _powerful_ Merlin, who was glaring at a tree as though it had personally wronged him, from a cross legged position on the ground. He brought Llamrei to a stop next to his currently-still-a- manservant.

"Merlin?"

"Yes Arthur?"

"Are you aware that this tree is on fire?"

"Yes Arthur."

"Merlin, _why_ is the tree on fire?" His life seemed to have derailed quite significantly recently.

"Because smiting physicians is wrong, Arthur."

The Prince nodded as though that made perfect sense. It made about as much sense as anything else today. "I see."

"….."

Rolling his eyes, Arthur tried again. "Merlin are any _other_ trees on fire? Should I be worried."

"No Arthur. The fire is small."

"Good, that's…. Good. Merlin?"

"Yes Arthur?"

"Don't get too carried away. I'd have to fire you if you burned down my favourite hunting grounds."

"You'd get bored within the week and rehire me."

Arthur wanted to disagree. He really, _really_ did, but it seemed a bit pointless at this stage.

"Don't be late back."

Arthur turned Llamrei, shaking his head, and rode hard in the opposite direction. His life recently had begun to seem rather surreal. Having spent the night with various documents and deep in thought, personally _he_ was feeling a lot more open to physician smiting this week than last, but Merlin didn't need to know that. It wasn't likely to help, and they really couldn't afford to be without Gaius yet. Dungeons weren't the same thing as smiting though…

The Merlin who periodically wandered around his mind yelled at him. Yeah, it probably was _almost_ the same if one took into account Arthur's inability to go around doing that.

Merlin returned with plenty of time to spare, the plants needed sorted before they began deteriorating. It didn't require concentration anymore, he trimmed everything, keeping knives separate, tied and hung them to dry. The things that required infused he set up to do so, and got out the pestle and mortar. He hadn't got everything by any means, but there were some herbs and supplies they just went through _fast._ Certain poultices, morning afters, wolf's bane, dandelions.

Stripping what was needed into the bowl he efficiently began to grind the powder. His current disdain and revulsion of the man who had been as good as a father to him didn't mean he wanted to cause him actual _pain_ preparing ingredients. That could change, thought Merlin, should he actually _see_ the man.

Gwaine sat with Merlin as they waited for the reactions to occur. "So. Not that I mind it at all but are you going to tell me why you're staying with me most nights instead of here now?"

Merlin sighed, it was complicated. So complicated. "Gwaine, did you know how bad Morgana's visions were? It was awful. When I came here, she didn't sleep naturally, she woke up screaming every night. They kept offering stronger draughts, more potent, and even I knew that there was a limit to how long that could be done. I figured she'd only started having them so frequently recently, but I was wrong. She's lived with it since she was 6, every night, and they left her to scream in the dark. She had no idea what was happening. Neither did _I_ , but _my_ mother never made a habit of burning boys like me and making me watch.

Who does that? What kind of _healer_ does that? Just leaves some _child_ to scream? He couldn't have taught her control at all- he's not a Seer, or Witch, but he could have told her the truth. Instead of offering false hope and draughts, and the potions made her _sleep_ but by the end they also made her _sick._ They knew it would never work. She should have had a choice, some dignity, or _sanity._ I had maybe 3 safe opportunities to tell her, and I blew it terribly, but Gaius had over a decade watching her every night. Making the decision every single time she was afraid. They left her mostly in the hands of a girl only a couple of years older than herself, from the new magic-is-evil generation.

When they killed the first wave, he didn't even fight, he watched from Uther's side, figuring that would be the end, the _grief_ purged. He saved my parents, but how many others died? I don't want to become like that and he was shaping me into it. Following the same path of walking only in shadows. I decided to be honest. Not tell people everything that happened, or that _does happen_ , just stop going out of my way to lie."

Merlin's expression dropped as he continued, he didn't _like_ conflict as a rule but this ran too deep to ignore.

"We argued. It didn't go well. He knew who my father was, and decided not to tell me. I lost any chance of knowing the man and every night I slept in the next room, Gaius knew where he was. Who was I going to tell? Uther? 'Oh hi, I know you're a complete psycho who gets off on killing us, but my Dad's actually a Dragonlord and I'm the next one, fancy an ale?'

He knew immediately when we needed one where to find Balinor. I should have realised then, but I was kind of overwhelmed with the whole him being alive at all thing, and then the grief and power surge drowned higher thought out a bit. My own minor problems just weren't a priority with the rebuilding, guilt aside. From the very first day we met he _knew_. I asked if I was a monster. If he knew why I was like this, he said no. Sure, there are elements we didn't understand then, but he lied, he _knew_ my father had natural magic. I think it's the first time I really _got_ why Morgana did what she did, why she can't forgive anyone, no-one knew everything, but we all knew a _little bit_. By the time I could have helped in any practical way it was too late. I knew not a single spell before getting here, everything was instinct, nothing was with particular finesse, I'd probably cringe at myself now. She wouldn't have been alone, but she'd also have been in more danger and so would I, that's one thing Gaius wasn't wrong about."

"You think you'd have been outed?"

Merlin snorted and looked to his friend in amusement. "I think that I was an infatuated 17 year old and she was desperate for understanding, what do you think Gwaine? Hell, if I didn't end up on the pyre for an over-emotional jealousy reaction I'd have ended up on the block for inappropriate behaviour with the king's daughter. She was court- schooled in seduction, and I'd have practically volunteered. I'd have outed _myself._ "

"Dear goddess, tell me you're over _that_!"

Merlin shrugged and grinned at him, "What can I say? I've a thing for dark hair and people who can fight back. For me, there aren't that many."  
"Really Merlin?" Gwaine arched a brow at him.

"Gwaine, you told me told me off for _adjusting_ the lightning, what do you think?"

His friend feigned considering his answer, "Well it _was_ very impressive. I didn't know that lightning butterflies were a thing."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Fuck off Gwaine, I'd like to see _you_ try."  
He laughed, "At least _one_ of the dragon's was Camelot's."

"Hmm, It did help get rid off some of the energy though."

The knight grimaced, "I bet. Tell me you weren't actually _in_ the storm mate, and did it from the ground."

"..."

" _Merlin?!"_ Gwaine didn't _quite_ shout.

"I told you I was trying to give up active lying."

He stared at the younger man, open mouthed, "You are a bloody idiot, you know that?"

"I was safe. Kilgarrah was there." Merlin appeared genuinely puzzled by the concern of his friend.  
"Was he? Well that _obviously_ assures me you'd be in no danger." Sarcasm dripped from his tone.  
"Hey! Don't knock flying or sky diving till you've tried." Merlin couldn't hold back the grin at the memory.

Gwaine paused as though understanding something, "Wait- go back to the part where you are diving through a storm."  
Shaking his head Merlin's grin morphed into a calmer smile, "Nothing blanks out past and future like it."

"I know asking you not to jump won't work, but please pick a less thundery bit next time."

"Gwaine I'm pretty sure I'm lightning proof." There was an unnerving certainty to that statement.

"That's no excuse to _test it_."

"Ah, knights, such _worriers_ underneath."

"Only about you." Gwaine's voice was serious this time and brought Merlin up short.

Biting his lip as he considered the ramifications of something, the warlock glance up at his friend, groaning slightly as he decided and rucked up his tunic, showing one side of his torso.

"Here, look, that's where I was hit last time, you can barely see it."

Gwaine growled.

"Let me show you. I can take you up safely."

Gwaine paused, it wasn't something he'd have another chance to try.

"On a clear night, I'll even make it dry."

His Dragonlord friend watched him, it was something he'd clearly not shown anyone before and wanted to, something _his_ that he was offering to share to explain things.

"I solemnly swear not to dive _off_ or _with_ Kilgarrah and scare you."

Nodding seriously only once, Gwaine flicked into mad adventure gear, "When do you want to go?"  
Merlin cast a look up at the sky, "Maybe give it a day or two to settle down, I upset a couple of air currents there- like wind but _bigger,_ it's hard to explain."

"Two nights then, as long as your uh- kin? Doesn't have any objections."  
"He likes screwing with humans, and approves of you for some incomprehensible reason. You'll make his night."

Getting up to stir his strange smelling concoction Merlin looked over at the knight who was sprawled rather untidily on the intended patient's bench.

"Percival told me about Dana last night. I told him _something._ I know how she died Gwaine. _Who_ was it- and yes it _does_ matter."

Gwaine sighed and set his face in the lines they often did when loss came up, "Bounty hunters Merlin, looking for someone to take to Uther."

"Gwaine, what was the name? _Who_ was it."

"Merlin, you look pale. Why is this important to you?"  
"The timing. Do. You. Know."

"Halig. Why?" … "Talk to me Merlin, you're shaking."

"Don't touch me right now Gwaine, it' would be a very bad idea, it's just… _rage_. The man's dead already. Please take the mixture off the heat, I'll see you as soon I won't accidently hurt you. Going to the cavern under the castle if you need me." Merlin walked stiffly from the room and Gwaine wondered how easily he actually could do it.

Ten minutes later when the plates rattled on the shelves he reckoned he had his answer.

It was a good thing that Merlin left when he did as not long afterwards Gaius returned. Seeing Gwaine he looked about for Merlin, not quite keeping the disappointment from showing. "The works done Gaius." He nodded towards the table, bundles, and bunker.

"If you should see Merlin, Gwaine,-"

"I'm not a go between for you, and it's _Sir_ Gwaine. Sometimes a man makes a mistake so grave it can't be fixed. If you want to badly enough, it's gonna cost you just as dear in return. Actions have consequences. These are yours, Physician."

The knight left and didn't look back. It wasn't his fight. This was between Gaius and Merlin alone.

Merlin had walked down to the cavern avoiding contact with anyone else, or anything else. He didn't _want_ to understand Morgana. He could forgive Arthur for things he had done in ignorance. Some he was for responsible himself. Gaius… Gaius was not ignorant, he was canny, and some of his actions were justifiable, even by Merlin, but so many could have been done differently. _Better._

Most of the time something as simple as a name, or a memory, wouldn't have tipped him over the edge, but after so many things had been understood, and some _pried_ from his mentor he was operating at a volatile level. He had to find a way to fix it. To bring back balance. To himself. To Magic.

Pouring surplus magic into the rock that lay next to Camelot's vaults was unwise, but it was better than any of his immediate alternatives. Merlin plunged his fists into Kilgarrah's ledge and let go, trying to slow it enough to cause only mild tremors. The relief from the coiled angry magic and the roiling need for a revenge that was long since out of reach was immense and left him gasping.

From the shadows emerged the form of the Dragonlord who had spent so long near this place, before Kilgarrah was free.

"I saw you come down here when you first arrived. No idea how important you were, or who Kilgarrah would become to you, just wanting the lizard to shut up and let you sleep. I heard you tell him that there must be another Arthur." The ghost chuckled. "You were absolutely right too. He _was_ a prat. Whoever would have thought he could become the once and future king just by having you at his side."

Merlin stood up and steadied himself on the grizzled man's shoulder, "He has a long we to go still."  
The man cocked his head toward the youth at his side. "He's closer than you think, Merlin. Did you know that he glared at me and warned me not to hurt you? _Without_ seeing."

"Well you thoroughly failed at that." He sighed, "No wonder Eileen thinks they're all mad."

"All men have their vices but your friends are loyal and true."

Merlin leaned into the contact, such coldness of touch was strange. "Aye. One told me off for going flying." Lachlan laughed. "Yes, I saw. Can't say I ever went up in quite such rough weather myself, but your father came as close as I've seen without the light show."

"It helps. Merlin shrugged.

"As well it should. Dragonlord." The gruff voice was warmer than it should be, and though Merlin was glad Gwaine had agreed to try it, it was nice to see someone who understood the _call_ of the sky.

"Go. You will be missed, and you promised _not_ to be late. Again."

"Oh, goddess, I was hoping I'd imagined that."  
"Nope. Sorry lad. Seems a bit on the late side to be running though."

"I'm done running."

The old dragonlord grinned, glad not to stay longer at his old haunt. "About time too. You are Merlin, son of Hunith, and you are _Emrys_ , son of the Old religion. There _is_ no need to choose between the two halves of yourself. Bind them together, become the man that you _can be._ The other side of your coin is waiting My Lord. Be ready." There was no mockery in his words, and no exaltation in the title. Lachlan spoke as if it was simple. As though it should always have been. Merlin supposed that in many ways that was true.

He had been little more than a child when the burden was placed upon him unprepared. He was _not_ that child any more. Young, yes. Too young by many people's standards, but there was no one else, and if he failed, there never would be. Magic would fail.

The Warlock of legends raised a hand to return the gesture.

"Together then. Emrys; and the Once and future King."

After their earlier very careful non-conversation earlier Arthur wasn't really expecting the touch of mania in Merlin's eyes when he came up to help Arthur prepare for dinner with his father.

What shocked him more was Merlin turning round and saying very seriously to him; "I apologise Sire, but I cannot serve you at this meal tonight, George has been assigned to take my place."

Arthur glared at him "Merlin you can't just stop doing your job as my manservant."

His servant didn't falter, "It's important this time. _Very_ important as it happens."

"Riiiight, many things are important to you Merlin. Give me _one good reason_ why I should let you skive this tonight after you practically took half the day off."  
Merlin frowned, "Firstly, that was very much _not_ off, I was working, and secondly, in my mind the tree was your father. And Gaius. There was a second tree. Just the two. Your hunting grounds are fine."

Arthur paused. The trees he could attest to being true. It wasn't a _threat._ The man could have been talking about how if the prince slept in he'd be late to council as a consequence.

"That… that _is_ a very good reason. George sounds delightful. I believe you and I are overdue a very long talk, Merlin."  
"I agree Sire, far, far too much has been hidden for far too long. We have more to discuss Sire than you are aware of."

"You haven't seen my new collection of documents" Arthur grinned evilly, "You, my friend, have a _lot_ of reading to do. Perhaps you'd come and discuss the appropriate colour of library drapes with Lord Geoffrey and I tomorrow night. Your input would be valuable to our upcoming restoration effort."

Yep. Merlin was right, tournaments and clunking each other about with swords was bad for you. The prince had finally had one knock too many.

"Don't look at me like that Merlin, I'm not the one who keeps trying to make a date with the executioner. Really, if it's all the same to you, just ask him, he likes meat pies and stolen wine. Save me the paperwork."

"You're not sounding less damaged, Arthur."

Giving up the Prince decided leaving was better than shaking the idiot, trying one last time before opening the door to possible eavesdroppers, "And Merlin?"

" _Yes Sire."_

"Tone down the lightning you idiot. It's very hard to sleep through."

Maybe the ghost of some relative was right. Sure, the Once and Future King was a prat, but he might have been protecting the correct Arthur after all.


	27. Chapter 27

Dinner with his father was excruciating. He wasn't sure if it was the bent cutlery or new dent in the goblet he had to fill that gave away his state of mind but George was polite even for Boring George. Arthur was beginning to understand why it might be a good idea for a man who accidentally pulled clouds towards him to _not_ serve Uther's table on a bad day. Actually he was beginning to wonder how any of them were still alive while the forest still stood. God knows _he_ he used Merlin to get rid of stress and yes, _now_ most of their bickering was friendly, but at the start it had been absolutely genuine...and Arthur really _had_ been a prat. _Then_ there was everything with Morgana; but if Merlin could stay calm through _that_ Arthur was concerned at what could have happened to change things. The word 'fuck' by lightning was not the expression of a calm mind. The simple weird colours hadn't caught his attention, sane people would have stopped at that. The least sane people in Camelot were probably Arthur's inner circle, a thought which he quickly tried to suppress by yelling 'Leon', and 'Lancelot' at it.

Arthur wasn't sure whether he was more or less relieved that Merlin looked like he'd been caught stealing cake when he left. It meant his guess was almost certainly right, but it wasn't _that_ huge a leap really. Geoffrey's story of a young Hunith making a boy called Balinor apologise and copy out the pages he'd damaged was something he could well imagine, but he had only heard of one of them, ever, and _he_ had died protecting Merlin; and just like that it fit.

Everything fit together when Balinor's name was placed in the empty space by Hunith's.

Merlin's reaction to his death, the way he was on the trip- met his father only once.

Why it was _safer_ for him to be raised with no known father at all, why it made sense to the strategist in him to have the only two remaining individuals who could command dragons in separate locations. The expunging of a whole line. Easier to do if they are together. A married couple flees and a bereaved widow or unmarried mother arrives somewhere new? Having Hunith known about already would possibly deter a Balinor from returning to free the great dragon earlier and use it to attack them, because after seeing what he'd been reduced to, Arthur had to wonder what stopped him. It being Merlin didn't make sense. Otherwise they'd have shown recognition, and Balinor would have come for _Merlin_ not agreed that _Gaius_ was a good man. Could it be possible that He hadn't _known_ Merlin?

As far as Arthur was concerned he had full confirmation that Geoffrey was one of those hiding things from him, and protecting anyone he thought deserved or earned it. He knew Gwaine's heritage, he had filled in the blank space next to Hunith, despite pointing out that there was no longer such a family. He _hadn't_ expected the archivist to be uncooperative without confirmations of Arthur's good intentions towards them, but it made him more inclined to believe in the man's sincerity of seeing a _peaceful_ return of the exiles. Or to decriminalising at least _some_ types of magic.

He would have been angrier about that discovery if he hadn't opened the book of names.

He'd avoided it after Gwaine left, considering the other things. The reduction of council positions, and reallocation of important holdings; a book showing the seals and sigils of each noble family, missing several pages, but a 'forgotten' index page that he'd swear wasn't there in the pre-edited one he studied.

The first page had been alright. A bit depressing but death in general was, nothing unusual. The second looked a bit suspicious with several grouped names that appeared to be families, but sometimes that _did_ happen. On the third page the children started appearing.

Even in his most fervent anti-magic days Arthur would have tossed out an accusation that a child of 2 winters could be evil. About halfway through, long after Arthur had given up pretending it wasn't crushing to see every name written down those who were given to Aredian began appearing.

Arthur had found that he could identify which victims the author had known personally as under a few there were details beyond name, age and sex. One four year old girl had 'favourite colour was red, doll named Bea, loved skipping.'

Another young woman was listed as 'auburn hair, never missed a dance', and a teen with the same last name 'her singing voice is missed.'  
Some had 'died by witchfinder', 'died by interrogation', and somehow those seemed worst. Arthur was afraid to ask what 'You fought them to the very end, child', meant.

What clawed at him wasn't so much that it _humanised_ his father's victims, but that it highlighted how they had been _de_ humanised in the first place, and how literally the only thing he thought he knew about those who died in the Purge was that they had magic. Or were accused of it. Or of protecting someone with it. Hell, if he didn't change the laws it was looking like he'd have to execute half his own knights, if Lancelot didn't at least _suspect_ Merlin then he'd been carefully looking in the opposite direction.

Not in keeping with the rest of the reading material had been a bestiary. Arthur had looked up the various creatures that had seriously injured him. The results weren't good, it turned out that he should have been dead several times over.

The only _possible_ way of recovering was with magic, and strong magic at that. Arthur had considered each of his knights as possibilities, but eventually been forced to reckon with the fact that for the timing to work, it really had to be Merlin or Leon.

Enduring his father's company had been hard enough _before_ Morgana's defection, now he was unbearable, and it came as nothing but a relief to leave.

Merlin was waiting in his chambers, everything set out as usual, but a far more sobering look on his features than Arthur was accustomed to. The Prince didn't so much as turn around; "You are dismissed George." The man bowed and left, it didn't seem like an atmosphere he wanted to be a part of.

"Pour us each some wine Merlin, and have a seat- no not that one, your arse'll go numb, _your_ chair."

Merlin sighed, "Arthur, I don't know what you want, and this is going to be simpler if you can give me and estimation of how fast I'm likely to be condemned, because trust me, you don't want the results of _that_ farce to be public."

"I thought I was quite clear earlier Merlin, we need to have a proper discussion, because it seems that we have both been manipulated and misled by various sources for a long time. It's time to end it. I regret that it did not come to light sooner, but perhaps neither of us were ready before."

Merlin took a small sip of the wine he limited himself with but smiled slightly, "He told me you were closer than I thought. Hello Arthur. I'm Merlin, but since I've been in Camelot I have been called by a number of different names, I've also been informed by far too many sources that you are the other side of my coin." Arthur nodded slowly, "Merlin, why did your mother really send you to Camelot? I've my own thoughts, but I need to hear from you first." Merlin grimaced,

"Well as it happens, that is tightly bound up in my current fight with Gaius, which is not over petty things, more's the pity."

"As useful as that is to know, it's not what I asked. You are too accustomed to evasion to automatically answer a question." Arthur's smile was bitter as he looked at his drink.

"I'm not the only one sire; and I'm trying."

Arthur looked at the liquid in his cup. He really wished it wasn't red tonight. "Yeah, I know. We'll get there, it's just going to take time. Not with all the others, please."

"Oh _gods no!"_ The look of horror at such a suggestion was comical.

Arthur snorted into his wine at the rejection. "Distraction, so. Why here? Where it's illegal to use..."

"Mum knew Gaius. The used to exchange letters occasionally. He's an uncle or something, I never really questioned why exactly, she just said he was the only one she knew who could help. I always thought she meant learning control or finding a use for my _skills."_

"That's reasonable. Gwaine was looking at the genealogies after I gave him instructions, I've enough issues keeping Father's instability from being common knowledge in foreign courts without being accused of poaching. He found his own name alright, but he also found some...anomalies. The records he learned in Caerleon are significantly different from ours. He also found some unusual names Merlin. He found your mother's name, and a record of her birth for the right age range. I have it to show you whenever you want. I intend to have a much more expansive discussion about this, and all of the _connected_ situations, but I have a distinguished guest arriving soon who has been involved in some of the more significant deceptions- and _no_ , it is _not_ Gaius. It seems he remembers a young couple some twenty or so years ago disappearing, and while he's a sneaky, enigmatic, apparently _warped_ man, he seems to be in agreement that there are some laws which need updating to be less… brutal. Provided that's what he means by tapestries and curtain length. He- uh- he also said that certain families are particularly easy to spot while talking about idiots. Who like fire."

"Ah. I'd ask if it was Kilgarrah but he wouldn't fit through the door. Does he know about me?" Merlin's pulse was racing, Arthur could see, but there was no indication of an intention to flee. "He didn't say as much, but I believe he does, yes. Given he called Gwaine out on being a king's bastard and threatened to recite some lecture, _and_ has lived here long before the ban I'd be surprised if he didn't."

"He knows genealogies and is a sneaky bastard? Do you want me to stay while Lord Geoffrey's here, or go?"

Arthur looked at the way his servant's face contorted. "Oh gods I'd better stop drinking this, or he'll decide I'm an _actual_ idiot again!"

The prince rolled his eyes, "Oh, it's far too late for that! He is _certain_ that you are an actual idiot, he just thinks you aren't _only_ an idiot and have redeeming qualities."

"My handwriting is legible."

"Yes Merlin. Your sole redeeming quality is your handwriting." Arthur deadpanned.

"I keep telling you I have hidden skills, you never listen." Merlin grinned widely, wilting a little as Arthur grabbed his shoulder until he spoke, "I'm listening now."

"Thanks Arthur."

The prince shook his head, "I should have paid attention earlier."

"Don't princes have better things to do than listen to their servants?"

"Most princes servants aren't called Merlin."

"Yeah… That part's gonna be a hard bit to explain. How are you with metaphors?"

"I've had to disentangle young princesses love notes. I think I can handle it."

Merlin screwed up his face, "Eesh, yeah, I saw some of those delivered. You'll be fine. So just to be clear, you aren't going to be having me executed?"  
Arthur raised an eyebrow at Merlin, "I told you already. He likes pie and wine. Cheap date."

"You're still a Prat." He couldn't quite cover up the easing of stored tension, having fully expected the prince to change his mind after eating with Uther.  
"Good, we might just be able to pull this off then. I figured we'd meet again tomorrow with you, but since you're here already it seems a bit pointless sending you away, shall we do it the other way around?"

"I did have plans for tomorrow night actually. This is better."

Arthur's surprise showed in his voice, "Huh. You had _plans?"_

Merlin shrugged and smirked, "Nights work better for some people."

"Please never tell me what would need that."

"Wasn't planning on it sire." Merlin smirked, despite his plans being very much in the opposite direction from bed.

"He's illegal too, isn't he?"

Merlin looked at Arthur without any indication of opinion evident, "If it was a him, he'd be illegal anyway, wouldn't it? Even if I lured them with pie."

"Not what I meant, but I'll add that to the list of things to address, it's not as though I don't know about certain knights and stable-hands."

The warlock chuckled, "Arthur! I'm shocked! An honourable prince like yourself ignoring two laws in one day!"

Arthur cocked his head towards Merlin, "Perhaps then one must consider that certain _laws_ may be lacking in honour."

"Arthur. Really. Thank you. I know it's not easy to throw off all of what you've been taught. Even now I've the 'keep it secret, keep it safe, tell no-one' litany running through my head, and the names of people who have died for that. You have to be consciously rebelling against the opposite speech."

"Sometimes Merlin you talk absolute rubbish, and sometimes, like now, you are surprisingly wise."

There was a sharp rap on his door.

"Are you sure you want to stay Merlin, it's...very messy."

"Arthur, It's my people, I mean _people_ like me, that Camelot has been burning, executing, persecuting and torturing for decades. I will _not_ be a coward, and frankly, it's not my first torture session."

Arthur nodded towards the door, "Are you going to answer that then? I'm the Crown Prince. I don't answer my own door."

Merlin shook his head with a wry smile and went to do it, allowed the familiarity of habit to soothe them both.

The surprise he read on Lord Geoffrey's face was good, assuring Arthur that he hadn't been speaking to Merlin beforehand to get any story straight expecting him to be there. Any obvious mistakes and Merlin could correct it, and he knew from the truth spell that his friend _was_ confident in his own knowledge of at least some magic.

"Good evening My Lord." Merlin arranged the seat that was closest to the fire, old bones didn't deal so well with evening chill."

"Actually, Merlin, if I am correct, it is I who should be addressing _you_ thus."

A look of sheer horror crossed Merlin's face "Well you can't. I mean- no one would believe it even if you did, it'd just look stupid, wouldn't it?"

Lord Geoffrey's eyebrow raised, "Then your father was _not_ Balinor, Lord of Dragons?"  
Merlin closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath before opening them to look Lord Geoffrey as the Lord he _could_ be. "Did you know him?"  
"Very well, Merlin."

"Then yes, my father was Balinor, Lord of Kilgarrah, and his mantle was passed to me upon his death. How long have you known."  
"About the time I started letting you 'borrow' scrolls you had no business being able to read my Lord, and wishing that you would occasionally pay attention to the Prince's attempts to teach you strategy."

"How long Lord Geoffrey?"  
The librarian held his gaze, "Years Merlin. Long before your Father passed."

Merlin turned and stalked towards the window. Focusing on the peaceful image of Avalon Lake. Both of them waited for him to calm and return.

"Thank you for telling me _now_ , late as the hour is."

"If I had paid attention to you others would have. You were neither my ward nor apprentice. Interference would have been suspicious. Still, I am sorry I remained silent. I did _not_ know that Balinor was close, or of his location, had I done so I would have given you what direction I could to find him."

Merlin scrutinised the man, "You have served Uther for a long time Geoffrey, how can I trust you?"

"So has Gaius my Lord." Stated the archivist.

"Yes he has. If you are going to _use_ my rightful titles Lord Geoffrey, I can play along. Answer the question."

"Why else would I be here, with records that have been hidden for so long, more carefully than that room you use so often Lord Merlin. If I had not remained there they might have burnt it all, buried everything. I _hoped_ one day the prince might break free enough of his father's hold, and Morgana's to ask the right questions, to become a better king than Uther has been. If I am wrong about you both then I have nothing left to lose, not even hope."

"Merlin, Lord Geoffrey gave me some very _enlightening, and very_ concerningrecords and documents. I would appreciate you looking at them. As our archivist is aware of your station and ability, he can have no complaints. He indicated earlier an enthusiastic belief that is in conflict with one of my Father's core tenets. Laws I believe to be both outdated and based on incorrect teachings. So that there is no misunderstanding, Lord Geoffrey, will you please state your intentions here."

"Sire, it is my belief that the persecution of those with magic is morally abhorrent and has damaged our land potentially irrevocably. This is a moment I have waited on, with a vain hope and no certainty for many years, and if I am wrong it will cost my life. I take that risk willingly because I believe it may be our last hope of saving anything. This is a night that choices will be made that decide the course of Camelot- and potentially Albion's future. I am offering you what you need to make _informed_ decisions. Information. History. I have nothing more than these and the written accounts of an observer. I have lived in a world _with_ magic, and in a land that is _without_ it. Officially. I would choose the first over the second every time. It is of no consequence. Only what _you_ choose will be. Was that satisfactorily clear Sire, or must we resort once again to fabrics and decorations?"

Merlin had never been more glad of the silencing charm he had cast over the Princes chambers after that one time… And they called _him_ careless.

The old man organised some of the records before them, "It makes for grim reading Lord Merlin, many times I have thought that death might be kinder than continuing this task."  
"Trust me, it depends entirely on the type of death." It would be lost on Arthur, but Merlin looked up from the documents he had verified and the handwriting he recognised very well that recorded things that he could have been executed for. For all the failures, Merlin owed him a debt for _that._

He feared losing hope, Merlin could fix that. "And it's not Lord Merlin, just Merlin, The People call me Emrys. That is enough, wouldn't you say?"

The old man looked at once terrified and ecstatic, then put together what Merlin had said and a sadness and compassion shone through, "You will have any help I can offer My Lords. I assume then Emrys that this is the other side of your coin?"

Merlin "However unexpected, it would be a very strange coincidence if he was not…. Here. This girl, the singer. Who was she to you?"

"She was my niece, Merlin."

"She was fifteen?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about them sometime, the ones you did this for. _I will remember them."_

Knowing what that truly meant Geoffrey smiled sadly, "Thank you Merlin.

"Don't thank me, tell me which of these _names_ are _mine_."

Arthur observed them together, the way he watched how certain pairs of knights operated. They could make this work, he thought, it would be bloody hard, and painful, but he was beginning to feel it was _possible_.

Joining them around the table snapped their attention back to him. Good, they still looked to him without question.

"As humiliating as it is, I must ask you, Lord Geoffrey to go back to the beginning of certain areas of my education and help me unpick the truth from the lies. You know what was preached, you saw the- all that happened- you know what _I_ have said, loudly and often. It will not be easy, even when I have a more solid plan in place, to convince people that my stance truly has changed, there will be those who assume a trap, and I can't blame them for that. I would."

Merlin's lips twitched, "Leave that to me Arthur, it's one of the things I _can_ help with. In these walls, and with you I'm a servant, but there are certain communities where my name has some influence."

The archivist choked on his wine. "Geoffrey, do you need _help_ with that?" Merlin sounded frustrated. "Sorry sire, and Merlin. I hadn't heard it phrased that way before." The warlock huffed, "Why does everyone always expect some pompous prat?"

"Oh no reason. No reason at all _Lord Emrys_." Geoffrey's eyebrows nearly reached his hairline.

Arthur cackled at the appalled look on his servants face.

"If you are quite done mangling skills most children master by 4 winters…" Both nodded. "Good. I intend to reinstate the position on the council of Court Sorcerer or sorceress. Removing the extensions of conviction from those who aid, conceal, do business with magic users, or find themselves entangled in what they are unaware of has become urgent."  
"What, and me burning isn't." The outrage would have been comical if it wasn't so serious.

"Shut up Merlin. _I can't lift the ban if I'm guilty of treason._ Is that clear enough? Not to mention this will be easier to push through, some of them must be covering someone or in questionable business deals, and then get support for than fully reinstating it in one sweeping move. That's going to be hard with Morgana free, but initially I want to remove those that target anyone without a choice, such as Merlin, Balinor, and even Morgana. Who is still guilty of a list of offences as long as you are. _Discounting_ magic as an offence." He sighed. "She does not give up. My sister will be back." Arthur knew her far too well to doubt _that_.

Merlin's heart ached, it always did when he thought of her fall into darkness. "She is my responsibility."  
"No she isn't." Arthur denied.

"Actually sire, Merlin is correct. Morgana does- would- fall under his remit and it's his obligation to act against and challenge her. _You_ cannot do so alone. Her containment _is_ Lord Emrys' responsibility, but what happened to her was not of any one man's making, unless one counts her blood father."

Merlin frowned, shaking his head, "Actually I believe that Gaius holds a great deal of the culpability for that too."

Arthur tilted his head, intrigued, "Was that behind your rift?"

Combing fingers through his hair, Merlin sighed, "No, though it played a significant part, especially in me realising how we both were manipulated and the significant similarities. I could so easily have been the one in her place."

"I doubt that very much Merlin."

"You really shouldn't, Arthur." Merlin looked at his king seriously, needing him to understand, "I was fortunate. Balance plays a central role in the Old religion. She is intended to become a High Priestess. Perhaps even destined for it.

 _I am Emrys_ , she is my counterbalance. Had someone chosen to counsel _her_ instead of me, I would have looked elsewhere, _anywhere_ for answers, because there were none here. At least none I could find or understand without a basic grounding first. You could be potentially the greatest scribe to ever live and it would do you no good without someone showing you the alphabet. I haven't succumbed to the darkness simply because I was given a choice, Arthur. Yes. It angers me that a child was left to suffers and driven mad by visions and fear because no one was willing to challenge her father's tyranny."

Geoffrey looked carefully at Arthur, he'd been younger before, too young to understand what was happening, and his old tutor wondered if the full truth was right. Arthur saw and waved his hand for the man to continue. He'd had enough of lies and half-truths, whatever their motivation. "There were _attempts_ made to remove Uther from power when it was realised how much of his grip on reality had slipped, but it was impossible without another to fill the power vacuum. Cenred would have been even worse, replacing targeted repression with universal extortion. You lived under him Merlin. What would you choose."

Merlin scowled, he knew the answer.

"Each time he'd blame magic again, there'd be another wave of escalated violence. What men will do to each other… I was fortunate. I could live without direct contact with the victims. Gaius was called upon daily, what he saw in the cells of camelot would make anyone weep. We did what we could, but it's difficult when one is constantly watched- and _everyone_ was, all the time. We had to. Having a bag packed was suspicious and could mean a report, but not having one could make you too late to get out of the city if someone heard rumours of a raid or accusation. Mixing was prohibited. The homes of those with magic were burned, and their families. Even just for practising the Old religion _without magic_. It's impossible to understand unless you lived through it." 

Merlin looked up with the hollow look common to many adults in Camelot around triggers, "I Saw. Someone showed me. I feel them all when they burn, every time. No-one else could have shared it, it only worked because Kilgarrah held the memory. I don't think he realised the words would open it that way. If I wasn't Emrys normal rules would work. It wasn't intentional. Didn't help the living situation in the tower though."

"The early years left many of us in shock and with no 'good' choices, trying desperately to stick broken pieces together. You two are both living the consequences of that. So much was lost. So _many._ "

Merlin shook his head, fist clenching. "Perhaps some day I will be able to forgive him. I've forgiven so many things, worse things even, it just hurts more than anyone else. Gaius _knew_ what he was doing… and yet I love him still." Merlin shrugged, "But I can't stay with him. I am sure Arthur you understand the thought of being feet from Uther through a thin wall right now does not inspire good thoughts. Love and hate seem to be far more closely linked than I've believed. So many things are no longer certain, I've known for a long time to be careful what I trust Gaius with… after Freya… well there are many mistakes that carry a high price. Not only his, but Gaius ensured I never knew where I came from, actively prevented me meeting my father _before_ we went looking to the exact cave he was in. I didn't have a name, he told me he didn't know why I was like this. I don't know what to do with that. The man has _supported_ me certainly, but no one else while I have been here, at any time it could have been brought up by him. I was lost, and scared of how much 'just happened' when I arrived, and was left wondering. withheld knowledge of what I was just like no one told Morgana she was a Seer. Someone did explain certain things but he has a very different _perspective._ I left that night because I was afraid of what I'd do if I didn't, more than I had been since Nimue."

"Yes. The two do seem to be closely intertwined. I dented the goblets and scared boring George at dinner tonight. Certain revelations have been personal and others- let's just say it's good I don't have your tree- related abilities." Arthur replied dryly.

"George needs the motivation to be interesting."

"Probably. Still, I'm not suggesting some warm fuzzy thing with Gaius, and arranging different chambers is easy. I'll get that organised tomorrow because you can't just bunk with a couple of knights, there's _already_ gossip, but I _do_ need you to find a way to work in a professional capacity with him. We really don't have any other option as things stand. Courtesy of Gwaine we have a longer list of reconstruction efforts than I had anticipated. Camelot is suffering a dearth of Physicians, and an abundance of enemies. Not a comfortable state of affairs. If anyone comes to mind as suitable for further training in the healing arts, please feel free to apprentice them Merlin. I don't care which community they come from, no tattoo inspection or such, and do it under my authorisation. I noted Gaius age in the records and we are in dire need of someone who can take over soon, the years have not been kind and he is weakening. _You_ are trying to compensate for too many things.

You _are_ supposed to be through the wall for convenience anyway. Everyone else's personal servant sleeps in the appropriate room.

"That's only convenient for you, you prat. Besides, when have I ever been an "appropriate' servant?"

"What, like you're going to be traipsing about in the dead of night?" The prince sounded far too disbelieving to Merlin.

"Well...yeah. That's my life Arthur. Has been for years. I've a ridiculous number of jobs, various people yelling at me about destiny, others about armour, and sometimes it's difficult to keep things straight. Being in the shadows helps when dealing with Morgana, sire.

While continuing indefinitely just isn't an option any more, especially now I've been offered a _human_ perspective on how someone- and their _soul_ can be eroded bit by bit living that way if you are willing to _help me_ now, I want to do it with a plan.

Up to this point that just hasn't been possible. I've been operating in crisis mode for so long I don't _have_ a plan. Just… reactions and short term fixes… and death, far too much death Arthur, even if it _was_ everyone trying to kill you or take over Camelot. There were, _are_ days that I feel more like your assassin than your servant. I was a _farmer_ before coming here.

Once it is _known_ and _confirmed_ you are working together with a magic user; and while I don't like to advertise it in general I am actually quite a _powerful_ magic user" Here Geoffrey choked again, "The enemies you have will begin to try and account for me in their strategy. That loses you an advantage I currently have. Until now my _only_ advantage. In the shadows they don't see me. Suspect I exist, yes, but Morgana didn't expect you to have magical defences so she didn't guard against them. If I assume the _position_ the my name forces on me and she connects it to _me_ here, trust me, she will throw _everything_ at us and we need to be ready first. Allow her to assume you have a pet sorcerer or minor magic user at your side and she'll underestimate us longer. Much as I _hate it_ , we need time.

At least until the laws are at least tweaked, and _you_ have a reasonable education in understanding magic. _Really_ understanding, not like the lies fed you as a child. If you're willing to sanction it sire, I will also need the time and freedom to study, and reach out to certain… _groups_ who have implied a willingness to help when the time came. I think that perhaps, our time is now."

Arthur nodded slowly, for all Merlin said he had no _plan_ he did at least have some suggestions and useful observations, really, he just needed practice and help to develop context.

"Alright. I'll do it, Geoffrey appears to be willing, _happy_ even to undertake the task; even if he has disappointingly brought laws written on parchment instead of the promised tapestries with embroidery. _If_ you agree to take lessons on politics and playing the games you hate so that you don't leave me in this kind of mess again."

Merlin looked confused. Did the Prat not understand how many bloody messes Merlin had got him _out_ of, often quite literally. "What mess?"

Arthur rolled his eyes at the sheer obliviousness, and mentally cursed whoever thought peasant farmers belonged at Court. "The one where I'm either a hypocrite for using a warlock as a tool and a shield, but only for the prince, while executing commoners who dare, _or_ I'm an idiot and Camelot's severe vulnerability to magic is public knowledge throughout the five kingdoms.

I don't appreciate being made a hypocrite, or appearing a fool, though I realise you acted in good faith and without that intent. _They_ still understand that griffins require magic, and questing beasts, killing wraiths, things like that Merlin. I'm very glad right now that Morgana has also been subject to the same flawed teaching. The destruction of an immortal army wasn't very subtle in terms of military tactics. Nor was their defeat _Merlin_ , and it's likely that the only reason I don't have Lot here making trouble is that Essetir lost a _massive_ proportion of their male population through being tied to the cup. The lack of stealth and long term planning was one of the things that made me discount the other knights as possible sources of defensive magic." Arthur grimaced, the full results of _that_ massacre were yet to be felt.

Merlin froze, "Wait. _Other_ knights?"

It was like he was _trying_ to be exasperating. "Well technically, under the old laws you would have become one, or at least been invited to, and even without the official designation, it's currently the moniker you best fit I think. You're no politician _yet_. An excellent advisor, when you're not being an idiot, but it is difficult to raise an ex-servant to that position, let alone a _current_ servant."  
"You can't _fire me_." Was _everyone_ trying to make his job harder these days?  
Wishing for patience Arthur answered him, "For once I'm not threatening to. Just… trying to come up with a new job description."

"How about Ghost whisperer."

"Too creepy."  
Merlin managed to appear completely serious, "Well yeah but.."

"And it has to be real." Arthur glared.  
"Arthur. Camelot is haunted. Ask anyone- actually don't, they're scared of being executed for seeing magic, or weird stuff."

"And you're not?" Arthur watched his friend curiously, he hadn't trusted them before with his life, not like _this_.  
Merlin's gaze wandered, "Well yes as a matter of fact. It's going to take a while for that to wear off, it just seems a bit late to be avoiding the subject entirely. If you were going to execute me it would be for being a Dragonlord, or Emrys."

Arthur looked puzzled, "There aren't any dragons left anyway."

Geoffrey looked at the Prince incredulously, "Sire, what exactly did you think happened to the massive body of a dragon?"

Alarm showed on Arthur's face, eyes flicking to the windows as if he expected to be attacked by dragons at any moment.  
"Arthur, Kilgarrah is _mine_." Merlin growled, irritated that the less-human voice bled through, "He can't touch Camelot while I live." Merlin made eye contact with Geoffrey at that who nodded his understanding. "Arthur, Merlin _will_ outlive us, the Great dragon will never attack anyone."

"How can you possibly know that?"  
Merlin sighed, and moaning put his head in his hands so that Arthur was forced to strain to hear his muffled words. He didn't want to explain the immortality thing just yet.

"There are people who know more about us than _we_ do Arthur. That coin shit? It's from prophecies. We're living them, so I guess that's why that part of the library isn't hidden in the usual place, legends. I refuse to hear them because when I do everything goes wrong. Kilgarrah is different. He's made mistakes, big ones, but so have I, and I _saw_ the death toll from the results of the unicorn's death. Not to touch one your own previous actions against youngsters like me who _didn't_ deserve it. We're no better the he is there. Try not to let them prophecies and expectations get to you. _Knowing_ is a big part of what broke Morgana. As for Kilgarrah, he _cannot_ disobey me, even if he wished to. The burden is one you are not unaccustomed to, it's the same one placed on you simply by being the Prince of Camelot, and you found a way to live with _those_. For all Geoffrey should be strangled for some of his choices though, this one was a kindness."

The old archivist folded his hands together, "Thank you Merlin. I believed so. It would not be the first time a king was toppled by an obsession with such things. Nor do I envy you. The road ahead will not be easy- no, not a prophecy, an observation of the magnitude of what you are considering taking on together."

Arthur looked up sharply, "Not _considering_ Lord Geoffrey. Organising. My father still lives, I won't usurp him that way. Not after Morgana, but I _will be_ prepared, and we _will_ be ready. I am quite certain that between each of us working alone until now point there are going to be deep wounds we have inflicted on each other. To make this _work_. To _succeed_ and save Camelot from destruction everyone is going to have to be able to put it behind him and focus on the quest we are undertaking. Gwaine is an ally that may be trusted, and can help you Merlin with understanding how not to accidentally fuck things up with over sensitive nobles. It's a skill you _will_ need. I cannot yet be sure of others."

"I think you will find Sir Percival sympathetic Sire, though I cannot speak for him." Merlin watched his King's face carefully as understanding dawned.

"The campfire."

"The campfire." Merlin's mouth pressed into a grim line.

"You know what he was holding back?"

Merlin shook his head. "I know one thing. He knows something of me in return. Not a planned situation. Gwaine is unaware of that part of my life, as Percy doesn't know what Gwaine does, and neither know that I am Emrys. Please, don't inform them, let me choose, with both of _them_ it will hold a different meaning and I'm- I need to be ready for possible reactions."  
"You dislike titles, and the reaction to that one is strong, huh?"

"It's… It's not common. Some people have expectations or strong responses."

"Merlin, I solemnly promise never to bow to you or call you by titles unless it's to annoy you. Or complete some peace treaty type arrangement. _That_ would be worth bowing to an idiot."

Merlin smiled at his friend's awkward acceptance. "I might bend the knee to a prat for that."  
"You do it daily lacing boots." The prince's servant smirked,

"Did you just admit that you are a prat?"

"No." retorted Arthur.

"Yes you did. You admitted you are a prat! I have a witness! Lord Geoffrey?" Merlin invoked the archivist.

"I saw nothing."

"You disappoint me Geoffrey." sighed Merlin.

"With respect, Lord Merlin, you turn around when someone says 'idiot', this is not a path you wish to walk down."

Merlin scowled. "What happened to 'I saw nothing'?"

Geoffrey's beard wobbled, "He's accepted his role as heir; and his crown. You haven't."

"Well if you're going to be like that…"

Arthur grabbed Merlin's arm, "Go back to the crown part."

Merlin slumped. "It's not like you. I- a few years back there was a plague, and the mortaeus poison, and saving you from the questing beast. There was a- a fight. Nimue went after my family and I took it badly. Killing the High Priestess of the Old religion in that type of battle it's a bit like- like duelling for leadership. She was the highest ranked, most powerful. It's supposed to make me the leader in her place, which is all well and good except for the part where I know none of the ceremonies, and am not a girl, and- well there were other things. I'd be High Priest instead, but that would technically be leader of the Catha and I'm not exactly a warrior, am I?"

"Geoffrey, the wine. Please. A great deal of wine.  
So what you are telling me Merlin, is that at 17 you accidentally killed the high priestess of the Old religion and left a power vacuum that various slightly less powerful witches will have been fighting for ever since."

"No, I killed her on purpose because of the balance."

Geoffrey dropped the cup, and apologising picked again to refill. "I just didn't know about the consequences, and then Kilgarrah wouldn't explain why he was angry, because everyone thought I knew things I couldn't possibly have known."

Arthur rubbed his head. They were _trying_ to kill him, Merlin and Gwaine, they _had_ to be.

"Right; and the Catha?"

"They're sort of… Warrior priests? A bit like knights, but magic. They're an offshoot of the druids, but seem to be connected somehow to the Dragonlords."  
Geoffrey's laughter had a hysterical edge to it.

Arthur raised a brow at the old Lord, "Geoffrey. Care to enlighten us?"

Finishing the wine the man shook his head. "No Sire, I need to go and do some research. It's not knowledge I've used in a while, I have to check first."

Arthur rubbed his temples. "So, no crown, but magical knights, and reluctant leader of the Old Religion."

"I'm not a leader Arthur."  
Arthur looked evaluatingly at his servant. "I think that you are, Merlin. You lack confidence. If you take on the position, and choose a couple of people to be like regents until you understand the requirements, and carry out day to day tasks. I can help with some of that. We cannot unite

the magic and non magical peoples if one is divided against themselves in factions. You implied being 'Emrys' is important, yes?"

"It- It really is Arthur."

"Would it be enough to force a majority to coalesce behind you, or support your taking a leadership position?"

"I already do that in their courts and things."

"Evasion. Merlin?"  
"Yeah. It should be. I haven't tested it. I don't want to go and throw my weight around on the basis of a title I haven't earned." Something in his gut twisted at the idea

"Except Merlin that you _did_ earn the position itself, it's trial by battle. If you don't, lesser witches will continue to fight to the death to hold the position, and destroy their order doing it."

"I didn't want any position or power. I didn't think about it. You think they'll do that?  
"Merlin, I _guarantee_ it has consumed the ambitions of a whole bunch of them since the day Nimue disappeared."  
Shit.

"This is why we need each other Merlin. You don't seek power but weren't raised to deal with those who _do_ and to see a bigger picture. I forget the smaller stories and more precise effects, which you remind me of when I look at it too much as a general. You're practical, but have the heart of an idealist, I don't have many of those in my life. Balance, see? You aren't going in to create injustice, but to offer them stability and peace, a continuity, so they can stop their silly but deadly bickering. You already do it with certain knights and servants. In the morning you are going to find out which weapons the Catha use, and start training with them with Gwaine… discreetly. No more big displays until I at least implement the Camelot citizens only clause to make you exempt while the rest is prepared, you are technically still a citizen of Essetir after all?

Unless there's a different- no, you know what. Not tonight. I'm done. Any more and my brain will melt and then we'll have to go back to the beginning. Thank you Merlin, really. Thank you everything… and for leaping without being certain of the landing. Could you please escort Lord Geoffrey to his chambers? I think he's had quite a bit to drink to cope with the night. If I thought it's would help I'd join him, but alas, drunken battle plans are rarely the best possible, and I need to get this one _right_. You _will_ wake me in the morning Merlin?"

Arthur looked almost vulnerable as he half-asked, half ordered his friend.

Merlin grinned, adrenaline still high from the night. "Of course I will. Can't let the royal prat oversleep. Didn't you know? Albion's future starts tomorrow. Busy day for _you_." He winked. "Goodnight Arthur."

He supported a still articulate Lord Geoffrey who'd co-ordination was far more impaired to the door. It was late enough that Merlin felt justified using the notice-me-not, but at least it wasn't light yet.

He could probably get a couple of hours kip before he had to take the Once and future Prat breakfast and discover which lethal weapons he was supposed to learn. Life had changed more the past week than it had since he arrived in Camelot, and he was more than a little conflicted about that, but he was relieved that Arthur was thinking of the possibilities. Possibilities he hadn't really ever realised existed, and not just regarding him as a mystery to solve now.

They were both being realistic about the inevitable problems and pain, but there were many positives. His living situation was no longer precarious, and while there was no way things would be the same, he could do as Arthur asked, form a new _working_ relationship with Gaius, and see where it led. If the day was too much, he would have a place to go home to. A prat he may be, but the Arthur really wasn't that bad as princes went.

If he _had_ to be half of a coin, there were worse other halfs to be stuck with.


	28. Chapter 28

Merlin got down to Gwaine's chamber to find it empty. Hoping his friend _meant_ what he said about using it without him he opened it the easy way. Apparently he was less quiet than he thought as it's usual occupant stumbled from Percy's room slightly inebriated and grinning. "Merlin! 'Bout time you joined us! Percy, look who it is!"

A deep voice came from the other room, laughing, "I bet it's Leon."

"Nooo, it's Merlin! Come and have some mead Merlin, there's plenty- oh, no, there _was_ plenty."

"Ah, actually, I already had way more expensive wine than I should. Are you supposed to be in there or is Percival just too nice to throw you out on his own?"

"Noo, he would not throw me, it's fine Perce, you _could_ but there's not enough space. Need a field. You know the best fields Merlin."

"Course I do Gwaine, I was a farmer, know loads about fields me. Arthur thought he might try it one time, with Gwen, and have me do the work."

"Oh, oh gods! The Princess on a farm." Gwaine laughed, "He wouldn't know a hoe from a shovel."

"Nope. Not a chance. He'd last less than a week. Come on then Gwaine off we go. 'Night Percival, you gonna need a morning after draught for that?"

"If you can, mate."

"Percy, you put up with this ass for an entire night, he's still alive, and no one is unconscious. You more than earned it. Besides, I am not getting through the day without one, may as well pick up another 3."

"Miscounting to 4. That's bad Merlin."

"Nah, but I may been tricked into drinking with Arthur."

Percival chuckled, "Mer _lin_ , I keep telling you not to trust the posh stuff. You can barely hold any _cheap_ ale."

"I know, and I listen, swear I never will again, and I always underestimate it. Still, at least training'll be late today, I doubt the prat will be looking for loud noises and clanging too early."

"Good Merlin. That's good news. Now _please_ take him away?"

"My - well, not _pleasure-job maybe?_ Aw, come on, don't frown. You're notthatbad. If I was looking for a mad bastard who I could always rely on, with epic sword skills and great hair, you'd be my first pick."

"Mmm. I guess. I do have great hair."

"And a Cape now, don't forget the Cape." Merlin steered him across and into his own room.

"It is a good Cape. Very swishy." The knight asserted.

"The swishiest."

Gwaine yawned, "You're the best, Merlin."

"Yeah Gwaine, I really am."

"I could fight you you know." The man sounded certain.

"No Gwaine, you really couldn't; but you'd try anyway and I love you for it. Go to sleep."

He'd tell Gwaine in the morning about some things. Once everyone downed the vile concoction that worked.

One day, when they did something terrible to him Merlin planned to tell them what was actually in it as punishment. As apprentice physician he didn't get to keep the bliss of ignorance, being responsible for preparing it in large quantities for feasts. Only knowing it worked _fast_ kept him from swearing off it forever. 

"Don't want to. It's cold."

"Gwaine, get in the damn bed and I will come warm it up for you."

Gwaine laughed, "OK Merlin. Not with fire."

The warlock rolled his eyes, "No. No fire inside. People get nervous."

"Silly. Candles are fire."

That was one way of looking at it. Not one Merlin had ever heard from another, but he wasn't wrong.

"With big fires then. Go to sleep Gwaine. There's lots to explain tomorrow."

"Stay." Drunk Gwaine was affectionate when he tired.

Merlin smiled, "I'm not going anywhere."

At least until tomorrow. It was a strange thought; he'd never actually had his own _anything_ , except magic he supposed, and that was more a part of himself than something he _possessed_.

Merlin knew from experience that neither of them usually felt affectionate when he woke the next morning feeling like something had died in his mouth.

Sighing, Merlin lay down, hoping that Gwaine had not informed Percival he was good at anything else. He would miss the company of having the knights just _there_ but it would be the first time he had ever had his own space. Now he had to figure out a way of getting all the magical, still very illegal items from the physicians quarters to wherever Arthur decided to stash him. It was a good plan but ultimately he lost the attempt to stay awake to good wine.

Waking up with a hangover was never good, and waking up with one to a ghost, however pretty, was worse.

Merlin groaned "I should just remove my head. It would be quicker."

"Such a drama queen!" giggled Eileen.

"Sssh….just talk quietly OK? Even if no one else can hear you _I_ can. Have to go to get remedy," he groaned, "Oh gods, I have to get it from _there_. _Why_ can things not be simple?"

Eileen shrugged, "I'd get it for you, but you know, dead and all…"

"Yeah. Thanks anyway I guess. It's not _me_ I have to worry about when I go walking in there. Look, I discovered some records last night. Hidden ones. You had an uncle once, didn't you?"  
"I had several." She looked at him for clarification.  
"One was Lord Geoffrey, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, he was a good man."  
Merlin's eyes closed. "Thought as much. He misses your singing, and I'm sorry."

"I miss people singing with me. It's not so bad though, and now there's other company. You were right about Leon the gossip, and he _does_ have jokes. Just… _polite_ ones."

"Then I'll sing with you when I'm not sharing a room, and that _was_ kind of the idea. Gwaine doesn't know any clean jokes. I know you're not _really_ as young as you look but it still feels wrong to let him be… Gwaine that way."

His friend feigned outrage in the background, _"Hey_ , I can behave. Merlin, do you have any of that magic morning after stuff?"  
"Yes, and I'm just leaving to get it in a minute Gwaine."

"Thanks mate."

He was oddly glad for the confirmation that some things never changed.

Merlin turned his focus entirely to his first ghost, expression serious.

"Eileen, I need to ask you something, you don't have to do it, don't think you have to agree. Most days we'll be good, but if you can, if it's not going to punish _you_ I want to to try and do something for me. Once. Never again."

She hesitated and nodded, "Ask me, Emrys."

"No. No, not him. This is _not_ an order, or command, it's a _choice_ Eileen that only you can make. If you _can_. Just _once,_ make him burn. Show him from the other side of the flames, give him _everything_ , and leave it there with him. You've-" He let her see his remembered pain, "We've _both_ felt it, every single moment until the darkness falls. That sadistic prick never has. If it's too much to ask of you, if it hurts too much, if you simply never want to see it again even in another's mind- I certainly hate it every time- then dragons. Uther thinks Morgana is scary. Morgana's only a hurt little girl with abandonment issues.

I'm _Emrys_. I've seen his death lists now, and I'm _fucking angry..._ But, I'm also servant to a Prat and going to be late for work if I don't leave now to get hangover fixes for all; and if I'm late to the kitchens Agnes gives away all the nice sausages. Then the prat wakes grumpy. Well, grumpi _er._ Which Gwaine here doesn't deserve to deal with at training after everything, including being woken by my own flailing. When you decide, tell me. Remember, there is _no_ right or wrong decision ok?"

Gwaine was frozen behind him. "I told you before you were right Gwaine. You said no-one ever believed it. I can't tell you everything, and you said before try the biggest and it'll be easier. That… that's _my_ _biggest_ , and… and it's what makes all the others make sense. I'm Emrys. I know you've heard the name before. Two names appear together. You knew the other.

It's why your friend bowed to me, and called me Lord. It's the reason my life makes no sense and all choices are- well I don't really get to make many of my own. When people find out, they often end up targets. Or um… dead, and I had to warn you, the nightmares- it was… Just be careful ok? Promise me.

If it's too much- or if you can't forgive me, tell me and I'll not bother you again, Ok? Just- just make sure you _tell me._ Please. I'll be waiting." Merlin brushed away the few tears to escape without looking back, but Gwaine saw. His legs wouldn't work to let him follow.

The thing was, his heart told him follow, assure Merlin his admission changed nothing, but that wasn't true, not completely.

He'd suspected as much before, with the references to Arthur, Geoffrey's reaction in the library, the Dragon's coins, even Merlin's terror of what he'd _accidentally_ do; but the confirmation that made it real was overwhelming, and it _did_ change things.

Not Merlin. Not whether Gwaine could accept him, that was unquestioned. Whatever crazy request or adventure Merlin came to him with, he'd follow. Exactly how he was apparently dragon riding tonight.

His concern was that there would always be things they had to keep from each other, he couldn't let Merlin hear some of the forked prophecies. Merlin would have to experience some things that went beyond where Gwaine existed, if he hadn't already. Running after him right now without thought would benefit no-one. If for no other reason that for Merlin to be certain it wasn't an impulsive response or without understanding. His response at the campfire and offer of gags wasn't subtle, and he _had_ clearly recognised the 'Once and future King'. Merlin was right, that title did not tend to appear in stories alone, and there weren't many other candidates around. In fact the only one to spring to mind was the psychotic half sister, and _hell no._

Could Gwaine be a part of the legend? Was he willing to take on that responsibility and...well… the inevitable pain of it. Legends weren't fairytales.

By the time Gwaine had concluded that yes. Yes, for Merlin and Arthur, he absolutely _could,_ he was late for training, and when he arrived Merlin looked like a spooked colt. Really? Emrys? He sighed, _no._ Merlin terrified he was going to have to everything completely alone, _again,_ as presumably he _had_ been doing all along, without much in the way of resources.

At least until Kilgarrah was free.

Late though he was, Gwaine ensured he made proper eye contact with Merlin on the sidelines, as always, and nodded confidently at him. The sheer relief and joy on his face was more than anything he seen from Merlin before. It was the moment he truly understood how isolated and close to breaking the man had been.

What restored _his_ heart was seeing the telling glance between Merlin and the Prince. _Finally_ they appeared to have reached an understanding that went beyond washing socks and bickering to keep each other sane. He had a vague recollection of Merlin mentioning explaining many things last night; he hadn't been been exaggerating.

After he left Gwaine, Merlin had had to grit his teeth to return to the physician's workshop, his home for the past few years. There were memories that now were tainted or compromised. Reframed, and he knew that would take time to settle. Arthur was right, he had to find a way to _work_ with Gaius. The knights _and Camelot_ needed him to. He also was going to have to stop covering up the man's deteriorating physical health soon. They were fortunate that he was still unimpaired mentally, but there _was no one_ to take his place. Merlin couldn't. He already had a million and one tasks. There would come a day, likely uncomfortably soon, when Gaius would begin to have proper trouble with stairs. He'd had arthritis for years, as would anyone in his position. Kneeling, bone setting, moving patients, grinding ingredients, general life took its toll. Merlin could almost guess people's jobs by the ailments they came in with now. Initially he had hated it. The healers job was absolutely revolting. There was no way of getting around that. They treated battle wounds, plague, infections without hope. They saw fevers, every bodily fluid, and sometimes the remedies weren't much better. Merlin personal least- favourite was amputations; That combined them all. Merlin had been something of _reluctant_ student of medicine. A few bad injuries on a battle-field and incidents with children made all the difference to how useful it seemed.

His first choice of help would have been Gwen, but she was looking after Uther, despite the fact he had her father murdered. Merlin wasn't sure how she did that with the compassion she managed. Yes, Arthur had killed Freya- in front of him even, but he hadn't _known_ what he was doing. Uther had. He still wondered what was really behind Morgana's choices then. From her first seeking to have him murdered in cold blood, to then saving him. She had always been complicated.

Which one of them he was more like he didn't know anymore.

It was a question he left alone, unsure he wanted to know the answer.

Taking a deep breath Merlin swung into the tower, just short of how he used to do. Gaius was up, sorting the first rounds for the day.

"Morning Gaius. Are there any herbs we need, things we are short on? I'll be going out later, might as well combine jobs. The prat needs a morning after cure, but I can take the morning rounds up with me."  
"I assume you need some too?"  
"Oh gods yes, the whole world is too bright and loud, really, what possesses the birds to start chirping this early?"  
"Nature Merlin, it's in their nature." He sighed. "You're not here to tell me to keep dinner aside, are you?"

Merlin's mask dropped and he shook his head. "No. Nor to tell you it's ok, because it isn't. Arthur's sorting out new accommodation for me, making sure it's convenient to him I think."  
Gaius eyebrow rose, more out of habit than feeling, "Wouldn't that be his servants room?"

"Not _that_ convenient. People already talk, no need to encourage it, but he's the crown prince. He can do as he wishes. _We_ do need to discuss times though, like when I'll be working for you, properly, since I came to Camelot it's been whenever I'm not working for Arthur. With him taking on the regency, obviously I'd have less even time available even if I was staying here. Not staying will require some planning. I haven't forgiven you Gaius. We are not ok, and I don't know if it ever will be, but you are a great physician, and I am still your apprentice so we'll find a way to work together. I have commitments tonight, but will bring anything needed before seeing to them. I'm going to see if there is anyone who might be well suited to helping and learning from you who _doesn't_ have to split their time three or four ways. We can talk later."

Gaius nodded gravely. "There's a list here of what's needed. I do understand my b- Merlin. Thank you."  
"You really don't… and don't thank _me_ Gaius. Thank _Arthur_."

Merlin swept up the basket of potions and balms with the list to go do the rounds.

Thankfully most were convenient for a trip round to the kitchen and up to the prince's chambers. It had gone much better than it could have. No one was physically hurt, nothing exploded, or on fire. He hadn't even raised his his voice, which he thought was next thing to a miracle, just the Prat to face now. With his hangover. He couldn't help grinning though as he walked in, ignoring knocking as always; the constant secrecy was _finally_ over. Sure it was terrible timing, but if Morgana continued this way, things were _not_ going to get gentler, the magic he was 'discovered' by wasn't likely to be nice, harmless, non-scary magic. If he continued on, telling no-one, they'd find out mid battle-reflexes, it would most likely end in blood and fire, and his friends would wonder if he'd been feeding Morgana information all along, because she _did_ have spies, he knew that. She'd _been_ the inside source before openly defecting. He'd been waiting until magic was viewed less as a threat he realised, but even _he_ was beginning to find it triggered a defensive response often now. Anyone without any of their own were being shown no counter of Morgana and Morgause's style at all.

Arthur was right. Morgana wasn't the type to let a grudge go, she'd return, and Arthur would _again_ be shown only the frightening side, _again_ set against him.

Having finally allowed himself to think about it without the wishful fantasy overlaid, Merlin had concluded that should he ever have to _openly battle_ Morgana the reactions if no-one knew beforehand would be _not good_. Not that he had ever watched himself fight, but he had watched Arthur, Gwaine, Lancelot and Leon for _years_ and as a non-swordsman they could appear pretty intimidating in a use-no-magic scenario. The first time he'd seen them _really_ fight was scary. He suspected watching _him_ would feel the same way.

He was disturbingly used to bloodstains now and would grumble about stains as soon as he was sure no one was dead or dying who shouldn't be. Merlin of the first week here would be slightly horrified by that.

Merlin who held in his hands the power of life and death was just relieved when sometimes someone else would make the choice. It had been far too long until he discovered no one was _meant_ to be able to _choose_ which lives to exchange, it certainly was not a mortal ability. He tried not to use that one, there was too much potential to be consumed by that.

Sometimes it honestly gave him some peace to serve someone else. Knowing he could force everyone to their knees on a whim was on rare occasions a heady thought. He was glad he'd learned happiness in humility first or it would have been far more tempting.

"Rise and shine, sire! Busy day ahead."  
Arthur groaned and burrowed deeper under the quilt. "Go away, I'm dead, leave me in peace."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "You're _alive_ and I aim to keep it that way, sit up and drink the poison- oops, _potion_ we all need this morning or I'm opening the curtains. Do you know how bright the sun is in the morning?"

"Shut up Merlin. Your voice is somehow even more annoying than usual this morning, just give me the vial."

"Ahah- you have to move first… and that will be because of last night sire. Be glad I am not a bird chirping three feet from your head, You should make _that_ illegal. Also ghosts turning up before someone is wearing a shirt."

"I'll consider it. The other thing I really, _really_ don't want to know about."

"Thanks Arthur, it means so much that you care." Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Shh," Arthur held up a finger, "Just sssh until this works."  
"Arthur… there _is_ a faster way of sorting it. Though I'm out of the habit of using that one."  
"Merlin, are you saying you can fix this so that colour doesn't make my eyes bleed." 

"Will you have me executed for it?"  
"You're still hung up on that?"

"A bit, yeah." Merlin said, more than a little offended that Arthur didn't seem to think it serious.  
"Fine, but I'm only _not_ executing you if you fix this." He indicated his head.

Merlin's eyes flashed and all of the muscles in Arthur's body relaxed as nausea and pain ebbed away.

"Oh my… Is this what you use it for?"  
His servant's face clouded over, "Not really, no. Only when we're low on the mixture and there's others who need it."

"I officially authorise the use of this spell. It is the best spell ever. Is that bacon?"

Merlin rolled his eyes, trust arthur to focus on breakfast. "It's not, but thank you, and yes I brought bacon."

" _This_ is why I keep you."  
"It's really not."

"What did you have?" Arthur was fairly sure he knew the answer already.

"Me? Didn't have time, I had to sort some things."

Arthur huffed, "Ugh, here. Roll. Eat. Now. Can't have you fainting on the job, it makes me look bad. I expect you to _find time_ to eat. Princes have more important things to do than remind their servants to eat and appear human."

Merlin smiled, "Thanks Arthur. What about warlocks?"

"What about them?"

"Well last night-"  
"Last night was a beginning Merlin, and I need to _think_ , there is a huge amount to do, and it hasn't lessened what we already _were_ doing."  
Merlin sighed. "I'll ask you _after_ breakfast sire, There's something I want to do but seemed like a thing maybe I should ask about first."

Ten minutes later things made a bit more sense. "You meant yourself when you said warlock, didn't you?"

"I did Arthur, I am a warlock, which I thought you understood."

"Ah. So not only magical because you are a dragonlord? It was probably covered, there has been rather a lot of new information to handle recently." Arthur rubbed his hands over his face.

Far too much, Merlin privately agreed.

"Actually Arthur, that aspect of my inheritance came later. I was _born with my magic._ Every witch, warlock and seer is born with it inside them, it's not a choice or decision, but it's usually dormant, awakening when they are more mature, and needs some conscious thought for direction. Mine was awake, responsive, just _always there_ , and _always_ strong. Like you I was born with a destiny, and there is no way of escaping that. Dragonlords and any offspring they might have are illegal in Camelot. Warlocks are illegal. Many Dragonlords _were_ warlocks, but few warlocks were Dragonlords. Like Morgana is both a Seer and a Witch. Not all with the Sight can actively perform magic, being only subject to passive forms. Not every witch can harness the sight, it's actually very unusual. None of which I knew before it was too late to save Morgana."

Arthur nodded, and what about Gaius?"

Merlin grimaced, he didn't want to discuss that, but they had to, at least a little. "Gaius was a Sorcerer. He has natural ability to guide and use it but uses the magic of the earth. He has none of his own, well, unless you count the magic spark of life but everyone has that so I don't. Gaius can choose. He's also a scholar, so was very well informed and knowledgeable, including about its _use."_

"Do you know what he used it for, Merlin?"

" _Some."_ 'Not enough' was clear in his tone.

Arthur waved it away, "Enough. You've had a long time to process all of this _stuff._ "  
Merlin frowned. He really hadn't. "Less than you might think, Sire."

"Why are you calling me that? Usually it's 'prat', or sarcasm- I never thought I'd _miss_ the sarcasm."

Merlin cocked his head, leaning against the table. "Because you have earned my respect and this is something too important to me personally, and to the five kingdoms, to risk if I poorly time some jab. I consider you a close friend Arthur, but this? This is a… a basis for treaty negotiations and peace agreements. Whether that's tomorrow, or a a long way in the future. If you were talking not to Merlin, but to Emrys or the High Priest of the Old Religion, or the Last Dragonlord, would you begin by calling him idiot?

I'm all those things, and most of all I am _Merlin_ , but on ground with the Catha, dragons, and the united Druids surrounding you, would you _really_ want to risk that when things were fragile? Even knowing that I bow the knee to _you_ and no-one else. Which means that they also owe you their allegiance through me. I _like_ being Merlin and Arthur. I want to always _be_ the Prat and the Idiot, but with you taking on things as regent recently and finding _everything_ has been shrouded in shadows. I'm done. No more.

There's nothing different except what we know about each other, and about _them._ I'm not afraid of the monsters Arthur, or the people who will fight this. I'm afraid of failing those who want the same thing. Peace.

If _I_ keep doing it _his_ way, and you keep going _Uther's_ we'll become the same men.

Twisted and estranged, and _bitter_. I don't believe that's what you want. _I_ certainly don't.

Not because you are this 'Once and future King' figure, but because you are _Arthur_ and you are my friend. The man who knighted commoners, and defended the lower town, the man who disobeyed a king just to go find the one antidote to a poison for a mere servant. The vision you have for Camelot as a place of justice and equality, I don't think it is a fantasy. At least it doesn't _have_ to remain so. Risking that for the sake of ego or pride would be a bit idiotic, don't you think? I might just be willing to do it for a friend though."

Arthur gripped his shoulder firmly, not sure what to say. The thought of being seen as this distant figure of prophecy had been disturbing and left him wondering if that's all Merlin saw in him. Apparently not. His servant was uncomfortable with visibility, _at all_ , despite being fairly charismatic and sociable, but he conveyed the passion of such ambitions with conviction and confidence. It just needed to be harnessed, and maybe directed at certain people. Arthur smiled,

"I could get behind treaty negotiations with bacon."

The man smiled, "I'll get right on it _sire_."

"Merlin?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't bring dragons to negotiations."

"I won't Arthur, Kilgarrah would be bored stiff."

Arthur stretched and walked round to the screen. "This thing you wanted to ask about, is it something I am going to wish I didn't know of?"

"I honestly don't know Arthur."

The prince sighed, "Go on then."

"I want to call a meeting of the druid elders. Find out if there are one or two youths with healing experience that might be willing to study with Gaius. Discuss with them the practical requirements of taking on the role of high priest formally. I've been to several councils but never called one myself."

"Sounds like you are overdue for doing so. Good luck escaping marriage contract competitions. More importantly, where are my socks? _What the-Merlin!_ Did you burn my socks?"

"No Arthur. That's… Just sun damage."

"Sun damage." Merlin smirked at the ringing disbelief in the prat's voice.

"Like sunburn after a long day, but with socks." His servant continued, as if it was obvious to anyone with half a brain.

"Merlin you are very strange little man."

"I'm taller than you are." Insisted his servant.

"Shut up Merlin. Training field first, then the council Chambers."

Arthur couldn't be sure if his friend actually had wavered, he was still relearning how to read the man. "You think it's going to be alright then, with Geoffrey and Uther in the same room as both of us?"

"I don't know, but at least this way we'll know quickly. Better that than be stuck wondering for days." The prince didn't seem at all concerned.

It was a valid point of view, thought Merlin, but Arthur wasn't the one who would burn if they miscalculated.

The one thing Merlin _had_ forgotten with the consideration of Gaius, Arthur, Druids, and possible priesthood, was announcing to Gwaine that morning that he was Emrys.

Not the best way to reinforce that making important decisions should never be attempted when hungover. Still, he couldn't exactly un-tell him, and if anyone was going to be ok with that it was this knight. Lancelot was, but really, at the time, Lance really hadn't understood the half of it, or what that meant for him. He didn't quite dampen the horrified look as he remembered exactly _how_ Gwaine had been informed of that. Although, he was ok with Kilgarrah, so maybe it would be ok? Then Merlin had seen his unspoken answer, and an unexpected weight lifted from him, one he hadn't even realised he carried it had been there so long, slowly being added to. Arthur was _necessary_. Like Merlin he had no choice, he was _born_ to this, raised to it more than Merlin ever had been which was both blessing and curse. Gwaine had a choice in a way neither of them had, to choose to stay meant something different. Albion was Arthur and Merlin's responsibility, and ultimately theirs alone. Anyone else was _extra_. Gwaine was a good _extra_ to have, for both of them. He was the only other who _quite_ managed to treat Arthur as just another man, and the prince needed that. Merlin- well, Merlin needed someone who could make him _forget._ Seeing him as more than the idiot _before_ this didn't hurt either.

With his trust in Gaius destroyed, Merlin had lost one of his primary supports, and they were few enough as it was. He tried not to contact Hunith much these days, if someone noticed she'd be in great danger. Having the only (human) family of Emrys would be a significant bargaining advantage; and be a way of hurting him when they couldn't actually touch Merlin.

It wasn't a situation either of them were _happy_ with, but even Hunith had realised there was a lot he hadn't been telling her in letters before they became far less frequent. Eventually they'd have to do something about that. Morgana was relatively disinterested in him so far, angry, but not enough to use resources, and more keen to keep it _personal._ She _had_ been to Ealdor though. If he was obvious enough to others then she might just remember.


	29. Chapter 29

It was clear from Arthur's energy and aggression in training that something was up with the Prince, so he was paired up with Percival and Gwaine. They really were the only two who could handle him in that frame of mind. Percival made no comment, but there seemed to be some exchange between Gwaine and the Prat, who was in full redirecting rage form. Merlin couldn't hear from where he was standing, and he was sure no one was intended to.

He was amazed that they came off the field without any broken bones by the end, but they all seemed calmer. Arthur shoved he helmet and gauntlets at Merlin, "Come on, My chambers, I've council to prepare for, they won't appreciate the mud."  
"Yeah. Or blood."

"Nothing fatal. Or dangerous. Gwaine might hurt the physician, and you don't have any spare time."

"I'm not going to cancel tonight Arthur, especially not if I'm not having to try and sneak out without you not noticing."

"I didn't tell you to."

He followed the prat up to his rooms, trying to order which things needed done first, without preventing him from doing his official jobs.

Once the heavy door swung shut behind them Merlin got to unbuckling the prince's plate armour waiting for him to break the silence.

"I want to bring Gwaine in, we're still working with half a picture each, it's inefficient. You need him for practical lessons I don't have time to give, even if I _could_ be seen to be training a servant properly, which I can't. Lord Geoffrey has an excuse for spending time with me to prepare me further for kingship in the ways my father is currently unable to, and my father was known to consult him, making it less suspicious. Slightly. If my uncle had survived Morgana he'd likely have been admitted without challenge to the council."

Personally Merlin thought that the royals should just stop doing that, it always seemed to be other family members who wanted to bring them down. There was a long history of it. Any family member should just be generally regarded with suspicion, but what did he know. Maybe it was one of the things that the other class just didn't get, like trying to explain to Lords why a field had to lie fallow and be 'unproductive'.

"You'll be taking a seat at the round table, I don't have to explain why to anyone, I'm the crown Prince."

"You could just _ask_ you know. People respond better to being _asked._ What if I don't really fancy it?"  
"You don't get a choice, Merlin." This time though, Arthur was smiling.

"Before he arrives, what does Gwaine actually _know?"_ Arthur ran a hand through sweaty hair.

"A lot more than I ever expected him to. Might be clearer later."  
"Alright. He knows I'm a Dragonlord. He suspected some things before, but not that. Percival does not."  
"What about Lancelot?"  
Merlin's friend was brilliant but his sense of honour created problems for a man like Merlin from time to time. "Lance is a terrible liar. Small scale is not what you are attempting here Arthur."

Finishing removing it all Merlin wondered how Arthur couldn't seem to acknowledge that what he was discussing was little less than a coup.

Sure, they weren't planning to kill the king, like Morgana had, but that aside, it was pretty similar. Merlin had no qualms about it though. Before the Gaius thing, he probably would have been reluctant, but how much of that would have been protecting Arthur's feelings? That… that had been _him_ not wanting to see a friend hurt, not anything to do with his _purpose_ , or protecting _Arthur_. Stopping him from committing regicide was just sensible, but the rest… How much of his _own_ maturing had been shaped by unpleasant, painful, or morally complex situations. Merlin thought he was helping his friend, but what if he'd been delaying the emergence of someone _ready_ to take the kingship? There were no clear answers, and no one he could trust to ask anymore.

He groaned, the frustration he felt doubling when he turned around to see Lachlan.

"What are you doing here? You should have to wear a bell."

"Nah, jewellery was always terribly impractical around dragons, besides, how would you even kill a bell to have one I could wear. I just wanted to check I was right; you took a big risk telling him."

"No bigger than not saying anything really." Merlin lowered his voice.

"Merlin. What are you doing talking to empty air? That's weird even for you."

"Uhm, talking to one of the ghosts, ask Gwaine, he's met the pretty one, this isn't her."

"I'm hurt Merlin, you don't think I'm pretty?"

"No. Not even if you wore satin ribbons in your beard, and _those_ wouldn't be any easier to change than a bell to hanging around your neck, you creepy ass."

Arthur's face twisted, "I'm not going to ask Merlin, Please don't tell me."

"Didn't intend to, Arthur. So can I assume you are planning the same shit as last time?"

"Absolutely. Next one though I'll just stand silently and glare accusingly at him across the table."

Merlin winced, "You heard what I said, huh?"  
The dead man inclined his head, "I'm rather impressed actually. Didn't think you'd go for that. I hoped though."  
Merlin looked down before meeting the man's gaze again, "I'm not proud of it Lachlan. I just-so many. _SO many."_

The response was quiet, "I know, I was there. I didn't anticipate what happened the other night you know. It never usually works that way."  
"No, I needed the push to demand the truth from some people, and a push, I'd got… comfortable, if one ever can be comfortable living under constant expectation of being executed. I probably owe you thanks, or something."

"You're Emrys, Merlin. You owe me nothing. If you feel it though, just tell Kilgarrah I am glad he is finally free."

"I will. He helped."  
The ghost snorted, "Then he's mellowed. He was always bloody enigmatic when I knew him."  
Merlin snorted, "Oh no, he's still that, but he's…"

"Yeah. I know. He'll never be human you know; but if you take them as they are, dragons are better almost every time. Well, see you in the council, got to be there to meet my hauntee."

"This doesn't get less weird you know." Merlin called after him.

"Give it time." Came the reply.

Shit. Like he needed to think about _that_. Ever.

Merlin rolled his eyes, returning his focus to Arthur, who had his arms folded and was looking at Merlin as if expecting a sensible explanation, which would be _so_ much easier if he had one.

"He's gone. I don't exactly _invite_ them, they just started turning up one night when one got lost."

"Lost." Arthur deadpanned.  
"Well yeah, she hadn't been to that part of the castle for a long time."

"And she went to _you_ for directions." Arthur sounded as though he had very little faith in Merlin's ability to find his way. Probably because he had claimed 'getting lost' so often. He almost never was, but he couldn't exactly explain it. Not then.

"Not many people can see them, not easily anyway."

"Why can you?" The prince appeared serious, so Merlin didn't try to make something up; he really was trying to fight against a lifetime of training.

"I don't know Arthur, there's about four possibilities. I'll tell you when I work it out if you like?"

"You do that." Arthur said, giving his servant an odd look.

Merlin dropped his gaze to the armour he'd need to deal with later, "Please don't do that Arthur. I haven't changed."

Arthur sighed, "I know. It's just _strange_ seeing you like this. Realising how much I was missing going on around me, it's not a comfortable feeling Merlin. Neither is realising that certain people have played me for a fool for a long time, and before you deny things I realise you didn't _intend_ to. You did anyway, and others _knew_ what they were doing, and Merlin, you were played as well. My kingdom has not come crashing down about us, but the illusions of it have. Camelot is not what I was taught, and it never was. There has been a conscious effort to disguise many things. Now I have to go and lead a council, wondering which are _trying_ to hasten our end, which are equally deceived as I was. Gaius and Lord Geoffrey will be there with Uther, and I can't show my changed stance yet. You are used to this double life and deception. To me it feels wrong and oppressive."  
"What makes you think it was less oppressive for me, and any others out there sire, I can walk into almost any room, knowing most in it would kill me without a second thought if they knew the truth about me. So I hide a core part of myself, smile politely, and serve them, daily. And when they are attacked by those seeking vengeance, I stand in the breech, because no one else will, and they don't realise. Each victim had parents, or children, or friends. The cracks spread. Every victim _here_ has the same. I want the death to stop. The hate. The cycle. It's crazy, but Morgana and I want the same thing ultimately, just in different ways. I trusted you. She is still ruled now by fear, and she wants revenge."

"Why don't you?"

Merlin pressed palms to his face, "That is a question we do not have time to answer before council. Ask me later, otherwise your meeting won't work."

Gwaine hadn't been particularly _surprised_ by Arthur's command to attend him later, but he hadn't immediately _assumed_ that the meeting would include Merlin- even if in _his_ opinion it should. Clearly they had been talking since whatever happened with Merlin and Gaius, but how many of the details had been exchanged and what hadn't would be a fine line to walk with the lack of opportunity for clarification first, which was either intentional, or the Princess being his usual impetuous self. It was difficult to tell. With the cracks in Uther's hold over Arthur, his trust shaken by the revelations of Morgana, he was questioning other things. What the knights couldn't allow to happen was for those to be weaknesses for self doubt.

One of Arthur's strengths was his willingness to trust. To honour agreements.

One of his biggest weaknesses was that same willingness to trust. It had been taken advantage of before, and would be again. Gwaine was a cynic.

Neither he, nor Merlin had had the luxury of trusting anyone. Enough that Merlin made it through a truth spell. He could easily believe that Merlin would have continued to hide for years, but he really couldn't imagine a time without the man being honest where magic would not be perceived as a threat.

Percival had been silent about what passed between them and Gwaine had accepted that without question, but whatever it was he knew Percy was a vault as tight as the archivist.

The council meeting went about as well as could be expected, the discussion of reconstruction efforts met by grumbles about expense that made Merlin want to strangle the Lords collectively for not grasping that they couldn't take gold to the next world.

Lachlan stood calmly to the side of Uther helpfully pointing out things like:

"Wouldn't it be useful if there were some of us to help rebuild, it was always so much faster."

"Oh, do you remember Ruadhan? He was just brilliant with shaping earth and stone. I think he was murdered during your first year of terror."

"Wasn't that one the wall where you first kissed Igraine?"

"I always thought it was the prince who threw his toys when angry and left them for others to clean up."

"Do you think a shield might have helped? I knew a guy who knew a guy- darn, both dead now, never mind."

"Is that glitter Uther? Why do you have glitter stuck between the slabs? You know that never comes out right?"

"You know you really shouldn't drink so much at serious meetings like this, it doesn't look good. Bad example and all that. Huh. You started with the strong stuff this time? Are you… are you having a _bad day_ Uther?"

Merlin had to clench his hands behind him and count to prevent himself breaking protocol and storming out in front of Arthur. He had more self control than Uther at least.

The Prince looked at his tense frame and around the room. "That's the ghost you were yelling at the day things exploded, isn't it."

"Would it make a difference sire?"

Arthur sighed, shaking his head, "Probably not. Should I ask _how_ things exploded?"

Merlin returned the gesture with a grimace, "Probably not."

It was as good a confirmation as he'd ever get.

"Then stop playing with your invisible friends and hurry up, I have things to do that are actually important, idiot."

Merlin was almost relieved, he could afford to be exposed to _everyone_ just yet. He wasn't lying, but announcing himself unplanned wasn't ideal either, and he had managed to regain some of his usual stability. Loss of his self control was a frightening thought to him as Merlin had never actually _used_ his full power. He could feel it just sitting there, underneath, but when he tapped in to _that_ reserve he felt _more_. It wasn't something he could explain.

If Arthur stopped behaving normally with Merlin at all more questions would be asked.

It was still one of the fastest walks back without them having lost someone.

"Sit down Merlin." The servant looked at Arthur, he wasn't quite sure whether to trust the invitations offered to equals, or _near_ equals. "Are you sure?"

"Stop asking stupid questions and sit."

"Right." Well, he wasn't about to fight that, after all, there was no guarantee of another rest until tomorrow.

"Where would you prefer to have chambers?"

"I'm sorry, what? You're _asking_ me? Who are you and what have you done with Arthur Pendragon." Merlin feigned shock and horror, though it really wasn't so far off his past actions.

"Shut up Merlin and tell me what's more useful. Your own chamber in the tower, near to the physician's quarters, or down near the knight's quarters for… the rest?" Arthur had thought about it and neither seemed to have any huge advantage over the other.

"I don't know Arthur, didn't think there would _be_ a choice. Both are better than living with Gaius, or getting in Gwaine's way."

Arthur arched an eyebrow, "You know I think you are less 'in the way' than you think. You still need your own place, not least to do all of your illegal things without it being _seen_ when possible."

"Is there much difference in time between them? Guards, damn I need to work in the- near the physician's. The knights quarters are better guarded and I'm more likely to be caught wandering off."

Arthur nodded, that was simple. He liked simple. There wasn't enough of it about these days. "Alright. It'll look less strange anyway I guess. I don't suppose you're courting anyone to make it look more of a practical move?"

Merlin glowered, "Stop Arthur. No."

The Prince rolled his eyes at his servant, "Ugh, it would be simpler if you'd just take the room you're supposed to have."

"Even more no, I'd never get a break, you'd call me every hour, and there are _always_ guards who are _awake_ here."

"You're going to have to point out the negligent ones to me."

Merlin shrugged, "They're very useful to me."

"They'll get someone killed."

Pursing his lips Merlin considered that. "I'll think about it. To be fair I am usually in a rush and don't look at faces. Arthur if I have to sit down so do you, this can't be a one man pacing exchange."

Arthur threw himself down, face stormy. "Merlin before we left you said there wasn't time to explain why you didn't want revenge. There is time now. You have my attention Merlin."

Swallowing the man watched his king, he really did. "Alright. I am Emrys. You know this. Lord Geoffrey _understood_ it. Emrys is a title, yes, but it is not one given out or won like 'king', or 'chief', it is one I am born to. It's only taken once, _can only be for one_. Emrys is the most powerful Warlock to ever live. Past. Present. Future.

That is me, Arthur. I am _young_ , and essentially self taught. It has presented limitations, yes, but I still pulled lightning from the sky to kill Nimue on a whim, when her kill-spell should have been effective as a direct hit. You cannot have forgotten Sigan. What his spirit did... I trapped him again, but what he did, _that_ is why Arthur. If _I_ ever truly decided to pursue revenge- not just _wanted it_ but chose to act on that, I could bring Albion to its knees. I wouldn't, and I _hope_ I would never desire to. I've been tempted by vengeance, after father, after Gwen's father, after- well I guess my mother was the exception, the one time I caved. The potential though is there. Now there is only one who even comes close in power, it's extremely rare to find someone who is naturally truly _powerful_ , though they exist. You've no need to fear there's an evil twin. There are other threats. I've always avoided trying my full strength, I don't know what would happen, and don't want to risk anyone's safety."

Arthur took a steadying breath, trying to process that, he knew _exactly_ how he'd treated Merlin in the past, and to think that it had been _Merlin_ _allowing it._ Threw things into a different light. "Yeah. I see why telling me that before council wasn't a good plan."

"No. Lord Geoffrey did well though. Just as dull as he always has been. Gaius didn't show any feelings or appear different." Merlin reflected.

The prince's bemusement showed, "They've been living this bizarre life for years now, haven't they."

Merlin paused, trying to work out how to explain to the man. "It's hard to stop after so long. I don't know how. I've never known another way Arthur. That's normal for me, Them too I think, they just know how to live a different way. I don't. _This_ where someone knows is my odd, twisted reality where it feels like waiting for things to go back to 'normal.'"

"No, Merlin. This isn't the unnatural part." Arthur's smile dissolved, princes do do feelings with smiled, "Talking of unnatural parts, Gwaine is going to be joining us. SHould I ask how much he knows, or did he make _you_ talk too?"

Merlin shifted awkwardly, "Talk is probably the wrong word. I showed him something hard to refute, and announced this morning before leaving that's I'm Emrys- I had reasons, I swear- and haven't spoken to him since."

Yes. Arthur was quite sure the mad pair- who should never, ever be trusted alone- were trying to kill him, mentally screaming.

Aloud he said, "Well this should be interesting."

Gwaine was a legitimate reason for midday drinking, wasn't he? Merlin _with_ Gwaine had to be. He demanded his servant, who was a _terrible_ servant, hand him a cup of very expensive wine, and get out mead. Aforementioned terrible servant did so… but then he had _met_ Gwaine.

Who, while irritating, unlike Merlin, knocked and waited to be admitted to the prince's sacrosanct private space.

"Afternoon Princess." He grinned "Either I'm interrupting something, or there are more guests than just me."

He turned towards the shut door, "Should I dismiss the guards or…?"

Merlin grinned, "Don't bother Gwaine, this place has had a silencing charm over it since that one time Arthur was-"

" _Anyway_ " Arthur glared at Merlin, "I believe the we are each on much the same page, but there really does need to be some organising, like training. _With_ training. Gwaine, what do you know of Merlin's _status_?"

"So you're really going to do this then, Princess?" Gwaine quirked a brow, genuinely curious.

"Gwaine _concentrate, for the love of god!"_

The man huffed out "Don't get your knickers in a twist Princess."

His expression turned serious. "I know enough. He knows mine, and what I've chosen."

"So, you're in a non cooperative mood? I really don't have time to play games with you Gwaine."  
The knight leaned back, "As I said, I can _tell_ you _my own_ secrets, not everyone else's."

Arthur groaned, deciding to rip off the poultice fast. "Right. Gwaine here is the bastard son of king Caerleon and has been voluntarily living in exile day to day for years. Merlin- How much can I share?"

Merlin cast his eyes down to the side, muttering "Everything." Arthur tried not to show his surprise, "Alright, Merlin is a Dragonlord, and apparently a Warlock who is also called Emrys.

I want to know what information you have on the Catha, for practical purposes, as Merlin needs to practice with any of their non-magic weapons. The other type are not accessible… and you're going to train him to use it, because I _know_ you aren't only skilled with a sword, or you wouldn't have lived so long. You're good, but you're not invincible. There is to be a reshuffle of sleeping arrangements so Merlin will have his own room near the physician's but not _with_ him, as you lot might 'catch' him sneaking out again. You have my permission to injure the idiot for accidentally leaving a power struggle behind him and general idiocy. I'm sure you'll think of plenty of reasons. I have work to do to. Geoffrey will be helpful for accessing difficult information, Gaius is… not currently involved."

Gwaine ran his hands through his hair, blowing out a _long_ breath. "Right. That's a _lot t_ o be starting with. I, like any sane man, avoided the Catha like the plague. They are- well the best I can explain it is Druid warrior priests. They differ from the general druidic clans fundamentally in that they are _not_ pacifists. Not prone to _starting_ conflicts, but known well for _finishing_ them. If you disarm one, they are still armed, and not only with magic. Even I had the sense not to get close enough to examine the weapons. Your best bet for finding weapons like _that_ is down in the vaults, which no one really knows the contents and layout of, do they? Or was someone carefully filing them with notes as they were gathered in?"

There was silence and the sound of a frustrated prince throwing something at the wall.

Merlin leaned forward, elbows on the table, "Thanks for avoiding me with that you prat. I uh- might have a solution for getting into your guarded vaults and a layout with tripping every single thing to kill or curse you. How do you feel about using ghosts with a grudge for recon?"

Gwaine's eyes lit up, "We can _do_ that?"

Merlin shook his head " _I_ can do that, and pass on reports and maps to you. They can't really hold quills, or parchment."  
Arthur wasn't happy, "How dangerous would it be without them?"

Merlin didn't mince his answer, he didn't need to. "For you? Very. You'd die, or be possessed, and it would be very difficult for me to fix or clean up."

Arthur looked at him piercingly, "Why would you be different Merlin?" Before he would have mocked Merlin for suggesting he might be special.

"I just am."

Gwaine observed him carefully, "Like the lightning?"

The younger man nodded tightly, "I'll ask them next time I see either of them.

The Prince folded his arms across his chest. "And you think they'll go along with this?"

"Arthur, he had one of them burned at fifteen years old, and the other executed with all but one of his kin. They'll be more than willing to help us."

Arthur considered his options. It definitely wasn't one he liked, but the others involved informing Gaius of what they were doing, and that was… complicated, or going in blind, which as Merlin had pointed out could get them killed. Lord Geoffrey might be an ally but he wasn't magical and likely couldn't identify what they needed anyway.

"Do you trust them?"

Merlin didn't hesitate, "Yes." He trusted Kilgarrah, who had called Gaius traitor; and the spirits had literally nothing to lose, and everything to gain if the Once and future King, and Emrys were to rise.

"Alright. We'll try it, but if that fails, no more ghost stories, ok." The prince looked frustrated, but they didn't have any better suggestions on the table.  
"Aww, I rather like them." Gwaine smiled at his friend to take some of the sting from Arthur's clear dislike of the suggestion.

"It's the best we've got Arthur, and I've no idea what they use, I _know_ you don't, or you'd not be standing there. Undead dragonlord gets my vote."

Arthur glowered, "I don't remember instituting any votes."

Gwaine opted for his fool's grin."I know. My point stands."

Merlin chewed his lip, obviously having drifted down a different line of thought, "I can't demand they serve me if I can't fight without _that_ _thing_ can I?"

Chuckling Gwaine clapped a hand on his shoulder, "Mate, You're Emrys. You could demand literally anything and they'd compete to give it to you. Sorry, but they've been waiting for you for the gods know how long."

He grimaced, "Great. No pressure then. You see why I need to not turn up as- well- _me_."

Shaking his head at how oblivious to his own power the man seemed Gwaine tightened his grip to retain his attention, "Merlin mate, after watching you the other night, I don't think you need anything _sharp_ in your hands to impress them."

"Maybe not, but if I want them to unite, I'm going to have to be able to pull off more than the servant look."  
Gwaine shrugged. "So change your clothes- not the neckie, I get that- and stop slouching. Stand up straight like you do with whats-'is-name, and drop the mask. I guarantee they won't say no. Hell, if I wasn't already sworn in service to Arthur here I'd have knelt for you." Turning to Arthur as though it was nothing he bowed, "So Princess, you had a chance to consider his appropriate position yet?"

Arthur watched with interest the emotions Gwaine failed to hide, "Not really. I want to get it right, and we are in agreement that this must be done properly or people will panic, and likely start calling me enchanted. Oddly I am thinking far more clearly than in a long time, almost as though a fog is lifting."

Merlin groaned, knowing that was yet another thing he'd need to investigate in this mess.

"Well, we've done Merlin and I, Princess. I'm assuming you looked through _all_ the records then." His face fell sombre. "I did."

"And?" Gwaine waited.

"Concluded that it was wrong. _I've_ been wrong. At best my father was misguided. At worst…." Arthur tailed off before continuing, "The records themselves don't make sense. Sections are missing, names have been erased. Lines cut off unnaturally. Lands were seized _before_ the death of the relevant Lords. There are family crests I've never seen. _Maps_ that I'm told shouldn't exist. I have to go back to the start. This is us buying time, so that when Merlin and I step out openly as Emrys and- so I'm told- The once and future King, we're ready. Those defences you mentioned Gwaine? Those need to be implemented, but Merlin hasn't had access to the learning or time for it until now. I don't want to announce to Morgana that we'll be more prepared next time. I _want_ her to underestimate us and lose face. Not as my sister, but as a good choice of commander to serve under. The day for announcing magic returns to my land is not yet upon us. This is the strategising before a long battle, and not one I ever thought I'd need to understand. Magic has hurt my people, and my people have hurt those with magic."

Merlin frowned deeply, drumming on the table,"That's what we have to change Arthur, you and I. You keep referring to us as _separate. Different._ See, ' _my people_ ', and _'those with magic_ ', always. Look at me. Am I not your man? Was Gaius not- however misguided some of his actions-, Morgana fought _beside_ you until she lost hope and fought against us. Language matters. This is why _I_ write your speeches sire. Your people _are_ my people. The quietly farming sorcerer who encourages a little more growth, the healer who whispers over a cut to heal faster. Practice it. Hell, you've referred to _me_ differently for years, _in front of me, called me evil,_ and it's problematic at times. I care no less for you, but it hasn't been easy watching and knowing how easily you'd have thrown away my loyalty and sacrifice for one part of me, however important that part is." 

"I'll try. We all have a long way to go. Call your council as soon as is practical Merlin. The round table shall be mine, which you are still not getting out of."

Still reeling from everything Merlin couldn't hide his surprise. "Really Arthur?"

"Well, if you are in fact this fabled 'Emrys', asking my permission is rather a formality rather than necessity, don't you think?"

Merlin looked to him; "Not to me Sire. Not when it is an option to have significant actions sanctioned first. I've made a lot of huge decisions completely alone, or almost. Sometimes it works out, sometimes things go wrong, and most would have been smoother working together. This way you don't accidentally fuck up my meeting or have me followed, and I don't get caught in a major diplomatic bind that is not in a farmer's training, nor a physician's, nor a servant's, though thankfully I've picked up plenty by exposure in the castle."

Arthur ran his hand down his face, wondering if he wanted to know _all_ of the decisions. As First knight, and Prince, his mistakes cost lives. Merlin's had to have. When he could tell Merlin about the druid camps, and others, then he could demand explanations. Any man on friendly terms with literal ghosts, or dragons, was clearly not going to have 'normal' problems.

"You have your instructions from last night Merlin. Those have not changed, I would appreciate being kept apprised of any changes.

Gwaine, you have yours for when the grudge- holding ghosts help out with required weaponry training. If they _ever_ do."

Both men indicated their agreement and understanding of the orders. Merlin looked intently at his king before making any move to leave, "Just one thing Sire, if you truly want this to work, it has to go both ways. Any changes, you tell me, any planned raids on what you refer to as 'my people', you tell me, and I get the children _out_ … and _no one_ touched Kilgarrah. I believe this can work. I have sacrificed _so much_ for you personally, _and_ for the possibility of freedom in the distant future. It _can_ work _if_ we make it. You and Arthur? We're the pivot point for whether this becomes a shining light, or the final battle of Camelot. I know which I'd prefer. What are you willing to risk to create it with me."

Arthur shook his head, "I can't say with complete conviction right now Merlin, I don't want to risk the lives of my people- whatever their skills, but I know which I want to be a part of creating."

"Arthur. It's too late for that. The lives of your people are already at stake. The 'skilled' ones will either align with me, or with Morgana, and I'm not about to give them false hope for freedom. It's too important. Morgana _is_ returning. Regrouping, and then she will mount another attack, from the outside or inside. The battle is coming whether you would invite it or not. Do you stand with me or not? It's as simple as that."

Arthur reached over and gripped Merlin's arm. "Always, my friend, Every time. Don't tell anyone I said that. Bad enough that _you heard."_ He looked disgusted that he had allowed something _nice_ to be said to Merlin, even when it mattered.

Merlin searched him for any hint of deception, even knowing it went against his personal code. Satisfied he nodded, "Good. I really didn't want to be anywhere but at your side. I have your word?"

"As a knight, a Prince, and a man."

Merlin snorted then grinned. "About bloody time, too. Well then, I'll get on the very, very long list of things I have to do as three different people. I'll see you tonight Gwaine. Sire." Merlin strode from the room before anything could go wrong, feeling as though he'd won some important victory.

"There goes the man who insists he's no leader, and can't command men." Muttered his King.

Gwaine arched an eyebrow, "Aye, Princess, and don't you forget it. He obeys not because he _has_ to, but because he cares for _you_ Arthur and _chooses_ to submit. There are stories Sire, of Emrys, ones that have obviously been carefully kept from Merlin, and in this specific case I agree with them, because frankly they are terrifying. That man, sarcasm, clumsiness and all, has more potential than Sigan ever did. Don't make him a weapon Sire. Please. When the day comes to choose, remember the servant who dislikes killing fluffy bunnies, and any unnecessary violence. That's the _man_ behind the legend."

"You draw a distinction between them?"

"Me? No; but _he_ still does. You were right sire, we _all_ have a long way to go; but we're getting there."

"So you're what he's busy with tonight?" Arthur tried not to let his jealousy show.

"Only one of them, Princess, one of many. That going to be a problem for you?"  
Arthur scowled, "No, why should I care what a servant does with their time off."  
"Well, in general you don't, but you _do_ care what _Merlin_ does, at any time, and you have for a lot longer than you'll ever admit. Don't worry, I'll bring him back unbroken." Gwaine winked.

"Shut up Gwaine. Don't let tonight make you late for early training tomorrow."


	30. Chapter 30

Arthur had gone down to check that Merlin hadn't got distracted and had remembered to go down to move his own things before he left the castle. He knew there wouldn't be much of a chance to do so if his servant waited until after the evening meal. Reassured when he heard Merlin's slightly muffled voice he was about to turn around when he realised it may actually be useful to have an indication of what stage Merlin and Gaius were at, so unnatural as it felt to be eavesdropping on _him_ Arthur stayed by the door silently. It became harder not to speak out than he'd anticipated as he understood what Merlin was saying, not shouting, but firm and demanding as he spoke:

"What I don't understand was your early reaction. When the purge first began it makes most sense that those around Uther, close to him, would be shocked.

Especially if he 'wasn't always like this', which would imply that he was acting out of character, yet no one was alarmed about any _change_ in his behaviour.

Why were you not shocked at Uther's madness Gaius?

Women die in childbirth all the time. It's unfortunate but it's common. The teaching was that it eventually is the cause of nearly 1 in 3 female deaths when execution is rare. _Everyone_ knows it's risky.

Even Lord Godwyn's wife died having Princess Elena. Sure he grieved intensely, but he didn't go on a _killing spree_. No one is surprised at his _lack_ of persecuting specific groups and psychotic break.

People _keep_ trying to tell me _Uther wasn't always like this_ , so either even _that_ is a lie, or you, and others around him did know about the deal made with Nimue.

I am not interested in any excuses, or defence of him. Them. Whatever. I've heard enough to keep me nauseated for a lifetime. Why though? Do you realise how little sense that makes unless Camelot was already rotting? You knew why Nimue came back, and that my mother was the price for _my_ deal. You offered yourself but it worked only because I was as close to you as a son, I didn't know it then but I certainly do now. So was it Uther who made the deal, or did Igraine? Was it someone else. No one is allowed to question her memory at all, but no person is _completely_ pure.

Why is that Gaius, what is he white washing. Himself? His wife's memory? Was he _really_ not like this or did she compensate even as he ruled. Did you let him have his blood-bath of a tantrum because he genuinely did not realise what had led to his barren wife's pregnancy. Or because of your _own guilt_ Gaius. Hell, had he already started slipping into other beds due to her perceived failure or did it come later.

She knew the Lady of Cornwall didn't she. Did she maybe also know about Morgana. What did you say when she asked _you_ the court _physician._ So many questions Gaius, before we even _touch_ on the severe neglect of the education of Arthur and Morgana which may yet bring Camelot crumbling down as the land burns.

So many lies to them, _and_ to me.

Mum I can forgive. She has literally no way of defending herself, and no one for support, most of which is due to keeping and raising me, I cost her that, and a chance at happiness.

Did you ever tell her that my father was alive. Not even where he was, just that they didn't catch and kill the man." Merlin paused, seeing Gaius look away, almost as though he felt shame.

Of course he hadn't. It didn't matter now. It was far too late for that.

"It is not a kindness to leave someone wondering, plagued at night by the gnawing questions. That is a cruelty Gaius. You may have taken me in but it was hardly a selfless decision was it? How long was it before I went into not just the castle but the same room as the Pendragon family? Would you have told me about Balinor if I had been less useful, or continued the same way? The book That brought me such joy then, was that some half assed replacement, or apology for what you denied me; when I crept out at night and came back with answers you didn't ask because you knew where I was.

Gave me no fucking warning about a massive pissed off dragon under the castle either because you assumed I would be fine. Well I nearly wasn't you know. Kilgarrah tried to roast me that first time. Seems like quite a risk to allow in hindsight. What would you have claimed to mum, because you and honesty seem to have a very distant relationship. I _want_ to believe you again, but I can't just rewind things. Why is it Gaius that you lived when all the rest died? What was the price - before all of _us_ I mean. Uther doesn't let things go for nothing. What is it that binds you to him? You can tell me yourself, or leave it to someone else, I could force it from you and you know it, but I don't _do_ things like that. Probably something to be glad of, I'm not...calm… right now, damage would occur. I don't enjoy causing harm, easing it is far preferable.

I can keep learning medicine from you, keep serving all those that need it, I can provide the ingredients and preparation I always have, at least for now. The rest of my work or purpose is not something I can trust you with, to tell me what I need to know. Or not to tell anyone else things I _don't_ want them to know. Secrets are something you are certainly capable of keeping, extremely skilled at, but I am choosing to no longer have you help keep mine.

I'm sure you didn't foresee exactly what would result, but each choice pushed us all further down this path. Was there no point you wondered if Camelot _deserved_ to be saved Gaius? I understand their fear, but there must have been a moment in the past, more than one, where the people of Camelot could have rebelled, deposed the man and replaced him. The Purge was allowed to continue, and it continues _today_ or I wouldn't still be hiding from the pyre, would I. Gwen wouldn't have faced it." Merlin shook his head, trying to regain some clarity, clenched hands shaking with adrenaline into fists.

"You can explain to me in the morning. I've got something to be doing tonight. Excuse me, I need to get my things together for moving. Won't be far away so that I can still do the morning rounds. A few days of calm isn't going to be enough to repair this Gaius. We are a long, long way from done. I know fine well that the mortaeus wasn't the first night Arthur spent in chains, and what the fuck did you _think_ happened to Morgana when she rebelled? I'm amazed she didn't try to stab the man in his sleep by fifteen! It is not only my faith you have lost either. You are lucky that Arthur is a far more _forgiving_ man than his father; and a better person than he could ever be."

Merlin shut the door firmly behind him but without slamming it. Explaining to Arthur had acted as a reminder to himself of why he could not afford to wallow and indulge his anger.

It didn't take long to gather all of his worldly goods. Several years in Camelot as a Prince's servant wasn't enough to erase seventeen years of surviving on the edge in a border village where he and his mother had had the bare minimum in the way of material goods. He still remembered the horror on Arthur's face at being in a permanent dwelling with no bed. It wasn't as though the man hadn't slept rough before, he could sleep on the forest floor in chainmail, it had been the reality that people existed and lived their whole lives without any bed, mattress, quilt, anything that made his home _home._ Merlin had come to the conclusion that there was a hard-soft quota for everyone, and all of his 'softness' had been in the form of humans, particularly his mother. He had no need of a mattress to feel as safe as he _ever_ could, and warm. If it got bad enough there were always hugs. Arthur was surrounded by stone walls and cold metal, his human resources had been as cold and harsh. Extra blankets were necessities.

Not that he'd dared share this theory with the prat. Who would give him a lecture on girly feelings, and send him to clean the stables unnecessarily. Yeah. It might be too full of feeling, but Arthur appeared to ignore the fact that rage, and envy were _also_ feelings and it seemed inconsistent to be fine with rage, and not others.

Merlin had _met_ Morgana before her defection. There was no way the prat would ever have dared accuse her of manliness because of rage. Or deny that she felt it- _oh did she feel it._

Arthur had walked away once the door closed, not wanting to risk getting caught, dazed. Too many things. What on earth had happened between them to trigger his friend tearing down everything? He hadn't been exaggerating about not being able to trust his guardian- well, ex-guardian now, anymore. There was _only_ a professional relationship unless Gaius was willing to lay himself open, and Arthur had known the man all his life. Open did not sound like Gaius' natural state. Nimue and deals he couldn't afford to think about yet, it was too big, but there had been suggestions of something before. He wished he could remember who it had been.

Merlin cast a glamour over his awkwardly shaped and illegal things, and left, noting from the corner of his eye a hollow-eyed physician who looked older than he'd ever seen him. Guilt tugged at his gut, but he needed to understand. Wanted to grasp how things had gone so wrong to know how to even begin to fix it. Everything just seemed so _big,_ messy and tangled. How did everyone expect him to fix it when they wouldn't tell him or admit what was wrong, and they thought _he_ had a mental condition.

Leaning his forehead against the door that he'd been allocated Merlin took a deep breath, opening it with a shove of his shoulder. Looking around it his jaw dropped. Someone had been given quite specific instructions, it wasn't completely overdone for an apprentice physician and regent's personal servant. Unlike his old room there was space to swing a cat- if one was into cat swinging, which Merlin definitely wasn't, and a proper desk, a bookcase and proper insets for lamps. Parchment that wasn't on it's fourth reuse, a knight's bed that he raised a brow at, and an extra blanket in red. He knew Arthur would play that off as possessiveness but he wasn't fooled and smiled. It was soothing after leaving Gaius with such a difficult parting. There were a lot of things he hadn't included in his conversations with friends. Even with the new not-lying thing, 'sharing' anything unresolved would take quite some time. There were more options for hiding and storage of magical items- notably a large locking chest that most servant-physicians would _not_ have. He smiled, it was effectively an unspoken acknowledgement that Merlin would have items not currently legal and Arthur was accepting it.

His meagre personal possessions fitted easily onto the bed while he mentally organised them. There was a gentle knock at the door, not many would know already where he was, which drew a frown, but most threats wouldn't knock. Neither Gwaine nor Arthur were gentle though.

Opening it he found a blushing Gwen instead. "My Lady." He bowed, it was still novel to her and raise a blush, which Merlin found rather sweet and reminiscent of the girl he'd first met in the marketplace. "Still just Gwen, Merlin. I wanted to check that things were right, or you know, if you needed anything different."

" _Gwen,_ when have I ever needed anything for me? This way anyway." He winked, "It's lovely. I assume you sorted most of this then?"

"Actually Merlin, Arthur gave me quite a specific list. Apparently he has no idea where any laundry or blankets are kept and trusted me not to tell everyone immediately where you've moved to." He smiled at her willingness to help, "Thanks Gwen. It's as big as my house was growing up.

"I know, it's so strange at first. I left extra candles in the cupboard until you work out the best set up, and there's a washbasin and… you know, and towel. I figured anything extra you'd notice yourself. So uh- when do I get to meet her? Or him? I mean I saw you with My Lady, and Kara so I just assumed…"

"Um? I've missed something. Meet who?"

"Well you've been here for a few years and stayed with Gaius so I just thought when you wanted your own space that- I mean- I didn't mean to offend you."

Merlin took her hands, shaking his head gently, "No, not at all, I don't think they're ready for that sort of introduction yet, but I'll be sure to pass on your well wishes. It's… nice...that you care, especially when you have so many of your own things to worry about, the concern is touching."

So much for no more lies, sighed Merlin, but he really wasn't ready to explain any of what was happening between him and Gaius right now, and that would need so many other explanations. Better she assume a partner for now than a huge rift and the truth. Especially as she was having to care for Uther while he was _unwell_. Merlin was required often enough to help medicate or sedate the man to know better than any except Arthur, Gaius, and Gwen how things really were, he was able to make short, subtly supervised, appearances to control rumours. If he was unstable before, he was wildly unpredictable now. That Gwen was still calm and largely sensible despite all of it was amazing to Merlin.

"Right, unfortunately my day is far from over, so I can't linger to investigate the way I'd like, but I look forward to properly trying it out. One thing though, the bed is not a servant's."  
"No, that was uh… _specified_ by Arthur."

"Ok. Well, he seems to have bashed his head recently and decided that maltreatment of poor manservants is 'wrong', I'll take it while it lasts, as the universe can't be so kind as to allow that to last." Merlin grinned, and got an understanding smile from Gwen in response, she knew the life of a servant well, even if _her_ mistress had been uncommonly kind _before_.

"Oh, one thing. You'll being needing these." She held out two iron keys.  
"I really don't think I will, those are _keys Gwen."_

She nodded, looking at him as though he was slow. "Yeeees, and that is a lock." She pointed to the door. "The smaller one is for the chest. I won't ask why. I doubt it's knowledge I _want."_

Gwen knew all about the drawers of shame. Every noble had one. If you were very lucky it was only one.

Merlin stared at the heavy keys in his hand. His. " _That_ is going to take some getting used to."

"No different to carrying _theirs_ about really, just don't lose it, or do anything stupid if the knights trick you into drinking with them." She looked at him indulgently. Evil woman. She had blackmail on every one of them. "Yeah, thanks for that. I'll be careful. Go on, you can visit tomorrow, when I've worked out where things go."

"Alright, alright, I'm leaving. Good luck Merlin." There was a sly hint in he smirk she gave him as she left. Great. Apparently the default assumption was hidden lover. Maybe it would quash the rumours about he and Arthur, he suspected it would just split the betting pool though. There were outside odds on he and Lance he knew, but Lancelot was the straightest man he'd ever met, that was just _throwing_ their money away. Merlin himself though was betting on the cook's daughter and a certain stable boy, so he couldn't judge them particularly harshly.

He felt the chill as someone slipped silently into his room, unseen.

"So she seems sweet."

Merlin smiled at her unsubtle prodding, thinking that women were all the same- a sentiment he was no longer foolish enough to give voice to. "You were watching the whole time then?"

"Nooo," The ghost grinned, "only since the bed's too big part."

"That's not better Eileen."

She shrugged. "Who am I going to tell?"

He looked at her, "I honestly don't know how to answer that."

She smirked, "I promise not to tell the crazy one?"

Merlin laughed, "Gwaine will _know_ , he has a bizarre sense of anything bedroom related, I haven't asked how, and I don't intend to _ever_ ask."

"Your lack of curiosity troubles me."

"And your _interest_ in our love-lives troubles me, but what can you do?"

"Well-"

"Don't. Please, for the love of the goddess do NOT finish that sentence." There was nothing good that could possibly come of that Merlin was sure.

"Oh. Ok."

Merlin placed the magical objects and books that fit inside it in the large chest, covering it with a cloak. Perhaps he could find a way to increase that. Could one maybe bend or fold space? He'd seen old aunts knitting socks and the length of spun wool that went into a small space that stretched out was outrageously long. Maybe it _could_ be done…

His thoughts were interrupted by a smaller voice then, "Actually, I came to say yes. I can do it. The thing you asked, he should know. Someone has to show him. I _can_ do that _Merlin._ "

"Alright. You remember you can stop at _any_ time."

"I will. I promise Emrys. Now what are you going to do about this non existent lover your friend now thinks you have." Merlin groaned.

"I have _no_ idea."

"You could find a real one?" Suggested Eileen brightly.

Merlin ran fingers through his hair. "Oh goddess, I have enough complications in my life right now."

"Possibly. At least it's not boring." She seemed so cheerful about that Merlin felt oddly guilty about craving some peace and quiet.

"No. No, that's one thing my life is definitely not."

"Well, I'd offer to stand in, but somehow I don't think that would help your case with her. Who does _she_ belong with?"

"Who, Gwen?" The ghost nodded an affirmation.

"That's...that's complicated Eileen. _I_ think Arthur, but I'm not sure _she_ knows who she belongs with now it's not Morgana. She's his true love anyway. What that means I'm not entirely sure, at least if things change."

"Do you think there's only one love for each person, Merlin?"

The warlock laughed, bitterness leaching into the tone,

"Oh, I am _not_ the one to ask about _that_ Eileen. If you want useful advice on love and its philosophy there's a bunch of honourable knights just _waiting_ for a girl like you. Me? These days I think some people are just born to be different. Perhaps less loveable, or just dangerous to love. One day I'll have my answer either way. What about you?"

The ghost looked at him sadly, "I think that there is no such thing as _too much_ love as you mean it. It's tricky in this language. Some have many different words for love. There can be too much or too little of some of those sub types. Maybe for those that have only a little time there is only one person, but it would be so sad if that to be true for all. Too many problems. No. I've had to watch, observe only, for a long time. I have come to believe that love is a choice people make. They can reject it, or accept it, hoard or share it. It is powerful though. Never underestimate the power of love Merlin. It will drive people on even where fear fails."

Merlin scowled, "You couldn't just be like one of the girls who write Arthur terrible verses."

Eileen placed a cold hand against his cheek. "What use would I be to you then? You have to let go of resentment Merlin. Let the anger come but do not hold it in your heart."

He wondered if there was something wrong with him that it actually helped. "I promise to be in a better mood later about _everything_. Gwaine agreed to try flying with me and Kilgarrah."

She raised a brow as though he was missing something obvious, "Did he now? Late night then?"

Merlin sighed, " _Long night_ " more like. I also have to try and get in contact with some of the druid chiefs- damn I also said I'd ask you and Lachlan if you can help me sneak into a bit of the castle without any messy accidents, do you think he could turn up tomorrow, when I'm not attempting not to strangle any old men?"

"Of course Merlin. Now hurry up!"

He looked at the room and decided that there was no convenient floorboards to remove here so shoving a sidhe staff under his mattress was as good as he was going to get right now.

Merlin locked his own door for the first time and ran, letting that thought buoy him.

Arthur was unsettlingly quiet as Merlin dressed him for dinner.

"Sire? Is there something wrong?"

"My father is a genocidal possible lunatic no longer fit to lead the kingdom, my servant might need replacing and is going to attempt to unite a people he didn't realise he led, and I have to go eat with the man without appearing mentally disturbed by what he encouraged between me and my sister, what could possibly be wrong?"

"No one is bleeding, the castle's not on fire, and I haven't organised boring George for you tonight. You're going to be ok. For you I mean."

"I suppose a night without brass jokes _is_ an improvement on one full of them." Arthur tried.

"I always thought so." He really, really did.

Merlin finished lacing Arthur's sleeve, "You know Gwen is speculating about possible causes of me being granted a new room. Apparently the leading theory is secret lover."

Arthur smirked, "You knew this would happen, didn't you, you prat!"

"That my _dear_ Lady Guinivere would be given to speculation and inaccurate gossip about your new accommodations?" Arthur grinned fiendishly at Merlin, "You suspect that _I_ , with my years of honourable, courtly training around such women believed she might be prone to relationship theories? Yes Merlin, I absolutely did. I'm amazed it's taken her this long to be honest with you, given she got the list for contents this morning."

"Oh gods, the kitchen'll know by now. Then the larger bed was in fact _your_ doing, _sire?_ "

Arthur smirked at him, "Why, I can't possibly imagine what you mean Merlin. Must be a mistake, still, it's far too late change now, and then I'd have to explain why I was punishing you in such a…. _Personal_ fashion."

"Ooh, I really hate you sometimes you Clotpole."

'Well yes, I believe that might be the conclusion drawn too, so it shall simply have to remain as it is now."

Merlin groaned. "Right, fine. You are… ready. It's easier than it seems at first, or I guess it _gets_ easier. Just try and slightly steer the conversation to either neutral topics or totally unrelated things sure to catch his attention. If all else fails I can knock something."

Arthur searched him as he stood back, looking just as he always did- always _had_. "You always knew what you were doing each evening you stood next to me, didn't you?"

Merlin caught his eye and saw the confusion there; "I took a calculated risk sire. There was always a risk, wherever I was, that the king would discover me and I'd burn. Nowhere is safe. There was only one place I could effectively protect you from stuff like hurled daggers and poison. Your life is worth more than my own. I was never here to serve him, though it has on occasion been _required_ of me, I was here to protect and serve _you._

I try not to see him at _dinners_ as a king, and instead as simply my friend's father. It makes things easier, and instincts less reactively defensive."

"Why did you-"

"I'll answer any of your questions sire, but right now I am...edgy….existential angst or questions are not a great topic tonight. I spoke to Gaius and it was taxing."

Arthur nodded, noting that Merlin gave no external sign of his internal conflict or the scale of his recent argument with his mentor. Arthur knew his own reaction would not have been so subtle and restrained. It was one more thing to add to his greater understanding of his men.

Merlin stayed in his usual place on their way to the hall, giving both a sense of sameness that had been lacking recently. Not that either would go back to ignorance, but the structure and routine was beneficial for both their sanity. Quiet meals between Arthur and his father were in many ways harder for Merlin to deal with than the large feasts. It was almost painful. Despite all of his failings, at least Gaius had recognised that children and youths responded well to acceptance and encouragement over open rejection and cruel criticisms.

Merlin concentrated on the fact it was almost over and he could see Kilgarrah and Gwaine, until it _was_.

If Merlin had to design two polar opposite experiences of dinner it would be himself and Hunith, set against Arthur and Uther. There had been seasons they nearly starved in Ealdor, while lavish feasts were thrown in the court here, but he'd yet to see genuine laughter between the two men.

The evening was mercifully short and Merlin set the fire for the night before he left the prince alone. Arthur sat down at the desk he'd been avoiding before Merlin's arrival, glaring as though it had personally wronged him. "Is there anything else you need sire?"

Arthur's brows pulled downwards as he tried to makes sense of the insensible documents. "There are many things I need Merlin, but none that you can help with tonight. Go, try and find some relief from all of this. God knows we'll have little enough coming. You start training with Gwaine tomorrow. The pair of you have a fortnight, then we're going on a hunting trip."

Looking a the sprawl of parchments and old books covering Arthur's desk Merlin bowed and took his leave, he knew fine well that come morning the prince would have come up with some new way to torture him, most likely involving the apparently evil documents.

Gwaine was waiting for him by the stables, two horses saddled.

"They didn't ask, or argue?" Merlin was astonished, the stable hands always objected to him taking animals out late.

"Question a knight? Really? No stable-hand does that. If they're careful hiding they might even see why a handsome knight requires a second beast now, mightn't they? Handy knowledge that."

Merlin groaned, " _Gwaine! Why!_ Are you and Arthur working together to make my life awkward."

"Well no, but actually that's a much better idea. Thanks Merlin." Gwaine clapped him on the shoulder and swung up into the saddle. "So are you coming or not? I wheedled some snacks out of a kitchen maid who fancies you."

"Oh, well that makes it fine then." Merlin scoffed, but he mounted anyway with a grin. "Same place as the other night Merlin?"

"Yeah." The warlock answered, "There aren't that many safe places to meet him round here with enough space."

"What are we waiting for then?" Gwaine smiled and signalled his own horse to leave. Unimpressed the creature looked round, it wasn't the normal time to be going out. "Go on Gary, just tonight." Persuaded Merlin. Gwaine would have sword the beast rolled it's eyes and snickered but cooperated this time as Merlin's followed, quiet until they were through the gates .

"You named him _Gary_? What kind of a name is that for a horse?"

"Nooo, I named him Gareth. He prefers it though, who am I to argue with his choices?"

Gwaine stared at his friend, "You don't _argue_ with horses Merlin. You tell them."

"See that attitude is exactly why he was being obstinate in the first place, isn't it Gary?" The horse whinnied.

"Hey, you're supposed to back me up here Gareth!" The horse snorted. "Fine, be like that."

Merlin couldn't help laughing at Gwaine's sulky pout.

Past the immediate view of the city walls the pair took off quickly for Kilgarrah's clearing, dismounting a little way before it, at Gwaine's questioning look his friend shrugged, "Horses are not big fans of dragons, they spook. Better to leave them tied here with some decent wards around them, and bring back an apple as reward. Or oats." That made sense thought Gwaine. If _he_ was a horse, he would be running in the opposite direction to a giant, fire breathing carnivore.

Merlin strode out into the clearing and throwing back his head bellowed in the language that Gwaine knew he hadn't a hope of understanding, sitting down he took out some of the bread and cheese the maid had handed him. "Hey, Merlin, come eat something while himself is on his way."

The man sat down next to him and grabbed a slice. It was different sharing food with Gwaine to Arthur. "Thanks."

"Rough day?"

"I spoke to Gaius; and moved out."

"Ah. That sounds tough."

Merlin laughed harshly, "Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it."

"No one's on fire?"

"No", the man rolled his eyes, as if he do that.

"Anything exploded?" Gwaine seemed worryingly unconcerned.

"Not this time."

He shrugged, "Sounds successful to me. You kept full control of yourself, the castle didn't tremble or anything. I'm proud of you Merlin. It's never easy to hold someone you love to account for what they do or say. Especially if they care for you in return."

Merlin sighed, wishing there was an easier way and knowing there wasn't,

"Can't disagree there. Oh, we should have at least one assistant for spying by morning."

"I'm so glad the bored ghosts _like_ you Merlin."

" _I_ have distinctly mixed feelings about that." replied the accidental friend of ghosts.

"So are we going to ignore the being lightning proof and able to walk through the vaults thing completely?"

"Yep" Emrys didn't look round.

"Alright. How long for."

"Forever, if I'm lucky. Until Arthur figures it out if not."

"Ah. Okay. Tell me you at least still get the thrill of being so far off the ground though."

"Hell yes. The adrenaline high still works, and unfortunately so does pain."

"That sucks mate."

Merlin shot him a grim look, "It really does."

"So when did you start going up?"

Merlin grinned, "When I needed to travel very, very fast."

Gwaine laughed, "Ah, so this was an _accidental_ discovery then."

"Maybe a little bit, but I don't think I'm exactly Kilgarrah's first!"

A cold draught of air blew over them.

"I should say _not_ young warlock. You think in a thousand years, sir knight I wouldn't have shared the sky with a Dragonlord?"

"It's not something I ever gave much consideration to. Good night Kilgarrah."

"That it is, sir knight. I sense that things have changed. What troubles you My Lord?

"Many things Kilgarrah; before we leave I will need you to explain what you can of the Catha, but I wish to ask a favour of you first, Gwaine here has been very _understanding_ and if you are amenable I would like to take him up. It's impossible to explain that, any of it with words."

"He is choosing of his own accord?"

Gwaine folded his arms across his chest, "Oi! Don't you accuse Merlin of influencing folk to danger against their will, he's a good man. Of course I'm choosing myself. If I assure you I don't think you're a horse will you show me? I brought apples for them, but no sheep for you- Merlin assured me that sheep and deer are preferred over stringy maidens and suchlike. If you want to insult someone for their grey morality I'm here."

Merlin shoved his friend, "Shut up Gwaine. You're right, I wouldn't, but my morals are a _lot more flexible_ than most." He turned to Kilgarrah. "Please? You and I can go up properly after."

"I never could say no to you Young Warlock."

Merlin choked, "That's a filthy lie and you know it 'Garrah!"

"Up you go then. Sir knight, remove your cape. It is not designed for flight, and do not. Let. Go."

"Wasn't planning on it, Sir dragon."

Kilgarrah blew smoke at him, "Great Dragon, or Kilgarrah will do."

Gwaine threw his heavy cloak aside, covering their bag of food and accepted Merlin's help up gladly.

"Gods, this has to be the craziest thing I've ever done, an' I've done a lot of crazy shit in my time."

"You will in future too. Shut up, literally, and hold tight." Gwaine obeyed his first friend and the biggest creature of the Old religion launched himself into the air.

It was unlike anything Gwaine had ever felt. The air rushing past them, the freedom, and the thump of his heart in his ears. His arms tightened around Merlin as his knuckles went white holding Kilgarrah's ridge. His eyebrows almost flew off his forehead when Kilgarrah, despite his so far very calm and sensible flying dipped and Merlin threw his arms outwards, barely holding on. It was then that Gwaine actually understood how deep the trust and bond went.

 _He_ was a brave man, he knew that, there was little he feared, and he always faced those things head on, but the thought of letting go or standing up a-dragonback made his blood run cold. Merlin was so certain Kilgarrah wouldn't allow any harm to come to him he was quite willing to take what looked to _Gwaine_ to be crazy risks; and he _knew_ that Merlin had deliberately toned it down for his sake. The other thing he could see though was the undiluted, utter joy that this gave him, and it was a look he wanted to see on Merlin more often. Looking down he could see the forest, farmsteads, a couple of rivers running down to converge in the middle of a valley. Merlin was right, it was beautiful. _This_ was what he was protecting, what he fought for. What _Arthur_ fought to protect. Keeping his mouth shut didn't work though, there was no way to contain the manic grin as they flew. It was different to trying to move with the movements of any horse, but he thought would be something you got used as quickly. He almost missed Merlins call over the sound of the wind rushing by them, "Take us down 'Garrah, I think that's enough a first time." The dragon rumbled. Gwaine was certain he was laughing at him, and at that moment he didn't care a whit. The Great Dragon could say anything he fucking liked, Gwaine wasn't going to argue with him. At least not until his legs worked again, because they felt like they were made of jelly!

Gliding in to land gracefully Kilgarrah turned to him instead, "You did well sir knight. For a first timer _and_ for a non Dragonlord." Merlin jumped down grinning wildly to catch Gwaine as he slid off, apparently familiar with the initial wobbliness. "Wait for me Kilgarrah?"

"Of course my Lord."

"Drop the titles 'Garrah, it's _Gwaine._ " Merlin was still beaming as he helped his friend back to his cape and the picnic bag it covered. He produced a hidden flask of mead, and one of water. "Here, that should help recover from it, bit of a shock the first time around. Would you mind if I went up properly, not for long, just to- it was a tough day."

Gwaine waved him off, "Go, shoo, I'll be fine." Merlin almost did, before realising something and half shouting "You already know!"

That seemed a bit obvious to Gwaine at this point, who raised his eyes to the sky begging for patience. "I don't have to hide it! Here." He held out a hand and spoke in the old tongue. " _Now_ you'll be fine." He winked.

Gwaine shook his head at his friend, still grinning, "Go on, piss off, you've got someone waiting on you, I believe you and there's mead. Shoo!" Merlin turned and ran back to Kilgarrah, swinging up easily and pausing just for a moment to whisper to the ancient dragon, "Lachlan wishes you to know that he is glad you are finally free. Let's go, Leave the earth behind us Kilgarrah."

"As you wish Merlin." Far out of hearing range Gwaine watched fascinated from the sidelines as without any of the slowness or care he knew they'd used with _him_ the pair took to the sky, climbing immediately towards the clouds, Merlin's arms thrown out as they looped, swooped, and he was sure that at one point Merlin jumped from Kilgarrah's back allowing him to catch his Lord. Merlin appeared to have completely forgotten someone was watching, though fortunately there were not indications of anything suspicious that could be easily spotted. He lost track of them for a while but the speed they were going upon return had even Merlin holding on as he howled, though it sounded more battlecry than distress to Gwaine. It certainly settled for Gwaine which of them was madder. Merlin was without a doubt lacking any sort of normal survival instinct whatsoever.

He was far calmer when the pair came down, both men were really, Merlin sliding down with pupils blown and looking like he'd found some form of evasive inner peace, radiating ecstasy. Admitting defeat by gravity he did slump against Kilgarrah's foreleg as the beast chuckled, "Is that better, young warlock."

"Gods, _so much better_. Thank you for taking me where I cannot run alone old friend. I do need to get some advice, but not on a course of action this time, you have a great deal of experience and we have need of it. For it to be effective you must not filter things through your own personal interests. No inbuilt strategy. Too many people doing so have brought Camelot to its knees and split the coin apart. Arthur knows now. He knows a great deal, and still has much to learn, as do I. I _want_ to get this right. No new Morgana's or- or Uther's. I think we disappointed many people by not being wise adults when it was convenient. Now we're going to disappoint a lot of people by be trickier to manipulate. Turns out Gwaine here has a brain, and hasn't managed, despite his best efforts, to pickle it yet. He's helping fill in history, and Geoffrey is _rediscovering_ certain records and histories. I didn't have many options with Nimue at the Isle, and I refuse to regret my actions in saving them that day when she gave only two choices, but I do regret not understanding the meaning of that or the results. It's time I repaired what I have broken in naivete. You are not without responsibility in this Kilgarrah as you well know. I am offering you a chance to put right some poor choices made in a past influenced by darkness and fear. What do you say? Help me lay some of the foundations of Albion?" The great dragon grinned.

"I am at your service Emrys, as is the Magic of this world. All the creatures of the Old religion that are not of Dark magic. Our allegiance has always been yours, they wait only for you to be ready to claim it. Though theirs will not be the same as my own as they are not kin as we are."

Merlin swallowed, _that_ he hadn't understood. "I think that the day for the to offer it is not far away, I am not ready Old friend; but now together we will become so. The Once and future King begins to awaken."

"I look forward to seeing you both standing openly together. You will have different fights Merlin, for the same cause. Legends like yours are birthed in fire and blood, like Morgana's taking of Camelot, and her defeat."

"You're so comforting. It's like having a conversation with a big fluffy kitten."

"You asked for truth My Lord." the dragon stated in reproach.  
Merlin sighed, "I did."

"Who is to teach you to fight better?"

Merlin grimaced, "Gwaine."

Kilgarrah huffed smoke. "Sir knight, you are required."

"Am I indeed? Well, thank you for waiting until my legs worked properly again, and Kilgarrah, it truly was an honour to be permitted to share that." His sincerity was clear in the tone.

The great dragon smirked "It was, young knight. You made me an oath before, this is how you fulfill it, is it not?"

Gwaine stood calmly, his full attention on the massive creature before him, "I'll do anything I can."

Kilgarrah rumbled in response. "The Catha are flexible. They allow _every_ weapon. You cannot fully prepare to fight them as a group, as some adopt the axes of the northmen- throwing and battle, all of them can use long knives together, some used the curved swords they saw with traders and inherited.

Others use double edged swords, all can fight hand to hand. All can use poison darts, poison anything really, long and short staffs are expected, archers aren't their typical style, but I was trapped for twenty years, they may have updated to tactics that are less close- quarter.

They do not typically use war horses. Obviously there are whole branches of magic that you have never seen, both defensive and offensive… and they do not give up. Like a predator stalks his prey, there is a strong 'death or glory' theme there.

Much like your knights that way. Anyone who joins or directs them would receive an identifying mark, as would the leader of the druids. Hiding would require a lot more effort"

Merlin groaned, he'd wondered about that, but it was very inconvenient, "I think that's going to be the case anyway Kilgarrah. Especially having moved away from Gaius."

Managing this time not to snap at his name the dragon even attempted to be comforting.

"Yes. I know you cared for the old man."  
Merlin rubbed a hand down his face, "I still _do_ , that's what makes it so difficult."

The dragon hummed for a minute seeming to consider something, "Human hearts are fragile, but they can betray you Merlin, be careful."

The man waved _that_ off, "No more speculation about my heart. _Please_."

Kilgarrah looked thoroughly confused and Merlin sighed. "Gwen- the girl who broke Arthur's love spell and chastised him- is convinced I'm sneaking off with a secret lover for illicit liaisons, and trying to guess who." Kilgarrah snorted.

"I'm many things Merlin, but none of those except perhaps secret."

"Thanks, I'm well aware of _that_." the warlock snorted.

Amused, Gwaine raised a brow at him, "The stable-hand will tell her by breakfast you rode out with me."

"Yes, but _you_ are an ass Gwaine."

The knight feigned offence, "Hey, I'll have you know I have a _great_ ass thank you."

"I know but- I mean- ugh, you _prat._ " Merlin rolled his eyes at his friend but Gwaine was laughing hysterically by then.

Giving that up as a lost cause Merlin turned back to the dragon, "I need to call a Druid High Council. How do I do that?"  
Kilgarrah kept his eye fixed on the man, "You already know Merlin. Trust yourself. The power will _not_ destroy you. It responds to your wishes, it does not use _you_. Do you think I would have helped you at all if I doubted you Merlin? Was cushioning your feelings that way how we ever worked."

Merlin snorted, remembering some of their conversations _before_ he was Kilgarrah's Dragonlord.

"No. No it was not. Thanks Kilgarrah. That helps more than it should. So did flying."

"Always my Lord. Go, before the night ends, Emrys; Albion Awaits… and Merlin, I never doubted you."

Gwaine bowed to the Great dragon, once again thanking Kilgarrah and swearing to protect the dragonlord, no matter how well said dragonlord could protect himself, and hauled Merlin to his feet leaving him to say his own goodbye.

"Come on Merlin, we have some very patient horses to spoil with apples if you want to get back to the castle with time to do any of those things _or_ sleep."

"I guess at this point it is really an either or choice"

"Isn't it always when you do this."

Merlin laughed, "Pretty much. Yeah. Worth it though."

"Aye, I can see that. It's something else, that. Do you ever get used to it, the sensation or checking how far the ground is?"

Merlin appeared to consider that, "It's different. Like finding where you belong. Where you were always _meant_ to be. It's like going home. On the ground I _belong_ next to Arthur, my King. So many others believe they have claims on me too. In the sky I belong to no one, it's freeing. Not a bad way to get a rush without risking death either." Merlin's smile was real tonight.

Gwaine did think it amusing that his friend equated free fall from the back of a dragon with 'not risking death', but each to their own. "There has to be an easier way than that. It's a unique type of stress relief though, I'll grant you. Not one I plan on taking up anytime soon, but it _was_ amazing. I think I just slow you two down a bit too much to be a frequent flier."

"Hmm. Yeah. He's pretty committed to his 'not a horse' stance too, unlike this pair."

Gwaine had managed to fit two apples for each of the horses into their saddle bag so they were quite quickly forgiven the abandonment as Merlin lifted the wards against any harm.

"So do you want to ride Gary back, since he apparently likes you better?"

"Nah, I'm good with Trixie here, amn't I?" Merlin scratched behind her ear and waited for her to finish munching before mounting. "Trixie? You called a horse- You know what, I don't want to know."  
"It's short for Beatrix. I read her a book once."

The knight side eyed him oddly, "Have you ever thought that maybe you spent too much time in those stables?"

"All the time. Thing is, the prat doesn't seem to realise that the stable boys get offended if I steal their work, 'cause then they don't get paid for it. So when they do I have to do _something_ that isn't _always_ illegal."

"Fair enough." The Princess probably _didn't_ know that punishing Merlin was cutting a stable boy's wages.

As much as he was functioning outwardly as usual, Gwaine still kept remembering the way it had felt to fly, he didn't much notice them getting through the city gates. When they had taken care of the mounts Merlin looked over at his slightly dazed friend and laughed, "Yeah, that'll probably happen for a few days. Don't worry, they'll just assume you're thinking of some pretty lass. I still drift sometimes, not so often though. "You need a hand getting back tonight?"

"I shouldn't but I'm not gonna turn down an escort that's offered freely here."

"Then escort you I shall, drunken shanties, or sneaking in after leaving a bed you should be in tonight?"

"Um… sneaking is probably better. Not sure Percival would hold back if we came in singing loudly."

"Well, at least neither of us has questionable bruises." Merlin pointed out.

"You'd hide them anyway."

"I wouldn't." He sounded offended at the suggestion.

"'Course you would, any inconvenient mark, you at least salve it, or you don't tell anyone, or wear sleeves and neckie most times. There's easier ways of doing it but less safe."

Merlin sighed, "I'm beginning to think rude shanties might be an improvement y'know."

"Could be. Maybe another night. Can't bruise though, I promised Arthur not to break you."

"You are a cruel and twisted man Gwaine, telling him you were coming."

"He guessed and got all precious about not breaking his toys." Gwaine winked to let Merlin know he hadn't done _exactly_ that, as a few years ago he might have done.

"Well, I'll be sure to defend your honour, such as it is, should he question it in the morning. Goodnight Gwaine."

"'Night Merlin _and thank you._ "

The door closed behind him and Merlin made his way along to his new room with a sense of trepidation. It was only new chambers, but it felt symbolic of something as he unlocked the door to his first independent quarters and sent out tendrils of magic to check it's safety as he stepped in. Closing the door he relocked it. Partly for novelty, and partly because, for the first time, it felt like they were actually _doing something_ to fix more than an immediate attack, like they were becoming stronger, and Merlin had learned long since that kings, despite their lust for power, did not like strong anything that was not easily theirs to control. He also lacked any kind of warning or bluff in Gaius' absence should anyone come in and see him sleep- magicking.

Arthur must have been serious.

Thought of the Prince settled him and Merlin lay down on his unexpectedly comfortably bed, reaching out to the druid's dreams as he drew on power he usually left alone, excessive as it was. He wanted them to have no doubt this time who was speaking to them. He wouldn't _have_ to call a council. They would arrange one themselves, and _ask_ him to come. Politely. He smiled. He'd been careful to keep the dreams monster-free. The last thing he wanted was some poor little Seer girl terrified out of her mind somewhere because he had been careless… and had targeted on those untouched by any dark magic or curse. Morgana had a bad habit of finding out things that she Shouldn't Know. If anyone would know how to shield that, it would be the Druid High Council. He fell asleep having removed only the top layer of windswept, trail muddy clothes, confident that he at least had _some_ good news for Arthur after breakfast.


	31. Chapter 46

Merlin woke to something cold touching him.

Opening his eyes he decided was a mistake, it usually was, but especially today.

"Why you?" His voice was sleep hoarse still and he reached for where he usually kept water to realise he'd forgotten. Sighing he decided that after last night he might as well summon some, it wasn't going to be the thing they arrested him for.

"Eileen needed to gather her thoughts and compose herself- oh don't look like that, you didn't force her, she made the decision on her own, it's just not an easy thing to relive and she doesn't want anyone watching her distress. Not exactly unusual, is it?" He raised an eyebrow.

"No. I have a task for you, if you're willing, Gwaine's a brilliant fighter but there are some thing I need to locate in the vaults. Most of it is either junk, or fancy stuff I've no use for. I need to know what is significant, specifically for the Catha, and the High priest. I didn't realise when I killed Nimue what it would do, or the effect it would have. No one had spoken with me about the balance until two days before, and I ended up holding the power of life and death, it was overwhelming enough at 17 and it was confirmation of something so… Regardless of the reasons, I need to stabilise it, and no one else will. Their only other chance for that would be Morgana, who is… less my opposite than people want to think, but far too much like Uther. Her mind is fractured, she seeks after power. I have been avoiding responsibilities, and I still want to run. It doesn't feel like me."

Lachlan stroked his beard. "And yet it is. More often than not men grow into their responsibilities, you will rise to meet the challenge Merlin, if you can accept your own strength."

"I should have run years ago. I'm not the same person."

The old dragonlord cocked his head, "If you had Camelot would have fallen long ago, Gwen, Arthur, Leon, Gaius, they'd all lie dead, and hundreds more with them. As she was, Morgana couldn't have managed crops, in anger would have burned as she went, and more would have suffered. You've made mistakes, but you're still the same man Merlin. Life tempers those like us as a steel blade in fire- you'll be needing one of those by the way."

"No, I'm terrible with a sword."

"Against champions, yes, but the average bandit? You're decent. That's not what I meant though. You'll need a curved blade if you are looking to accept their allegiance and lead. A set of long knives, and a ceremonial blade for rituals. Forget archery, anything from a further range would be magic, up close I'd expect you to use magic as your first weapon, always, but back ups and skills are never wasted. You need to study the use of dark magic in offensive battles, it's the most dangerous to those like us. Don't touch it, don't practice it- at least for this kind of thing- but to counteract that you must understand what you fight or you lose valuable time in dangerous situations. You wouldn't send Arthur against a highly skilled opponent with no knowledge of use of a shield, would you. Find the shield.

Practice with throwing knives, axes aren't likely to suit you, but are deadly as a properly used mace. Any armour used by the Catha is enchanted. It's lighter, stronger, they can move faster and with fewer limitations on mobility in it as a result.."

"You're not making this sound less daunting you know."

"You've all had enough of lies. Honey coating the truth won't help you, it's still bitter to swallow."

Merlin ran his hands down his face, "Fuck. I have to talk to Gaius, don't I?"

"Give it time Merlin. Whatever the outcome, days are not enough for over twenty years of conditioning to fall away. Or for a lifetime's. You haven't acted in anger really."

Merlin grimaced, "I had to call Kilgarrah after yesterday."

"I should think so." said Lachlan, as though it was a totally normal reaction to stress.

"He took Gwaine up."

Lachlan smiled slowly, "Did he now? Wonders never cease."

"Uh- Thanks for not doing the inches from my face, manic grin thing today."

"You seemed tired. Didn't even make it to bedclothes last night." He chuckled.

"I stayed out fairly late, took Gwaine home, then dream walked a bunch of druids. It's easier than trying to trace them all separately for visits and run messages."

"If you say so, Emrys."

He groaned, "People have to stop calling me that."

"Merlin, we could you Squishy, or Twinkletoes, Legion, or Mop-face, and it wouldn't change who or what you are a whit. Personally I would prefer Emrys, but if you'd rather we come up something else I'm sure it could be done…"

"Fine. Emrys is… fine. Please, please don't start calling me Twinkletoes, and for the love of the gods don't try 'darling', I refuse to be Uthered."

"What about 'sweetheart'"

"Shut up."

"Honey?"

"No really, shut up, or I will find a way to prevent you specifically from this room."

"Why haven't you got dressed yet."

"For g- because you are watching, you creepy bastard."

"You didn't mind Eileen."

"I'm roasting the next person to suggest it."

"I don't think that would work on me. Anyway, you've got work." He turned around and kept talking.

"When do you want a report about the vaults?"

"When you have useful information. Deathtrap location would also be useful. I can draw up a map or diagram. It needs organised eventually, but at least this way we'll know if anything world-ending is stolen." Merlin wasn't particularly keen to make himself more work, but it was something that would make their lives easier.

" happens often enough"

"Lachlan?"

"Hmm?"

"Is Morgause really Morgana's sister?"

"Well, she thinks so. Morgana's father is Uther, her mother Vivian, but she and Gorlois were on second marriages. I can't exactly remember the dates. She was irritating. Seers often were. They would argue with dragons, often having got one very specific human angle of greater events, none of the context. The dragons were far more reliable and balanced. Then we had to calm both down. Vivian was a beautiful woman. Beautiful, but cold. Between your two families there had been a rivalry for centuries. The one line being angry that they couldn't control dragons and convinced of their innate right by sharing a tiny fraction of sight, the other standing in the way and trying to maintain the peace. After the time one attempted to force it and did so much damage the dragons withdrew from being involved with human affairs altogether. Both dragon and Seer had to be 'given mercy'.

Vivian's family didn't respect the dragons as people, sentient, regarded them as mere beasts that should be subjugated and used against their nature as weapons. Tools." Lachlan couldn't disguise the revulsion and rage that inspired.

"They saw nothing wrong with torturing creatures of the old religion. Morgana's family worked with Uther to trap the dragonlords, using the seers as bait; who we still felt a responsibility to for the way normal humans often tried to use and abuse their gift. Her kin stepped in willingly, offered the chance to bend one of the creatures to their own will. Traitors. What they did… I fear they will not be welcomed in Avalon."

"Gods, well no wonder Kilgarrah wasn't optimistic about Morgana's chances."

Lachlan rolled his eyes. "Her destiny was prophesied centuries ago, and not by him. Hell, her own ancestor verified it. Not that that has helped them on the straight and narrow, but there really was nothing you could do to 'save' her. She didn't want to be saved, especially by a man, rebelled at the very thought. She wanted power and agency of her own. Once she had it she wanted to force others to agree with ond obey her. You can't change the core of a person who is angry and doesn't want to change Merlin. Arthur may have been selfish, but at his core always cared deeply about the welfare of his people more than he cared about what happened to him. His outward behaviours have changed, but the components that he values; mercy, justice, valour, were always present; he simply interprets their appropriate exercising differently and has grown into the responsibilities placed on him. There were many forks in the road that could have gone disastrously wrong, we have been fortunate, despite all of the pain."

Merlin, now ready, sat to pull on his boots. "You and I are going to have to find a time to sit down properly again, I'm bringing nicked posh wine. That's been very useful though, and I suspect there is another long day ahead of me. I've work to do, deliveries to make, and," he sighed, "An old man to try and listen to."

"Good luck Merlin. Don't forget your keys Emrys."

As the ghost walked through the door Merlin tried to take steadying breaths. He hadn't come to an isolated kingdom alone in the landscape at all, or into a simple home.

He'd walked into a blood feud, an ancient fight, with the Pendragons in the middle of it, and he and Arthur as the point everything turned on. Fucking hell, they were just trying to make it harder now. Unlocking his door and honestly appreciating the reminder to take the keys with him Merlin crossed the threshold, adding the required smile as he locked it behind him and clattered down the stairs to Gaius chambers. He knocked lightly to alert the man to his presence and entered. It wasn't his home anymore but he couldn't bring himself to wait for the old man to come and let him in.

Gaius had placed two bowls of weak porridge out, optimistic of him, thought Merlin, but he had been unambiguous with his intent to speak to Gaius this morning. With a twinge of guilt in his gut, but far too much at risk right now Merlin tested it for any poison or corruption, relieved to find none.

Gaius sat down across from him, silent and every day of his eighty years showing on his face.

"Are you going to speak to me?" He sounded weary, as though he hadn't slept.

"I was waiting for you to begin Gaius, every time I think we can't add more complications they slip out of the cracks."

The old physician nodded. "They will. Camelot is old. Very old. It was never built to be fought over by petty little kings. That is relevant to you but won't help the situation with Arthur."

The old man sipped his tea, "Merlin, Why do you think there was a cavern under the castle large enough to accommodate and trap a huge, thousand year old dragon?"

Merlin frowned, he'd never really thought about it before, although he supposed it probably was rather unwise to build an extremely heavy citadel over a hollowed cave system.

"I don't know. High ground that's close to a river?"

"Both necessary elements, but no. There are many such places. Why here exactly."

The warlock was silent as he considered it from his perspective, not trying to imagine a king's concern.

"Because the cavern was large enough to shelter dragons. The ledge and stalagmites. They expected dragons and anticipated needing to speak to them."

"Exactly. The city was built around the hill because of the cavern. It could hardly have been added afterwards- at least not safely. It was a nest, aeons ago, shelter. Warm. Tell me Merlin, who would choose to settle in a place where dragons chose to roost, or require a space to speak in private counsel with them? Most see the gaping maw and run in terror from a simple yawn." Gaius eyebrows rose as he looked steadily at the young man before him.

"No. No Gaius. They can't be. I think I need to go back to sleep, start over, and see if the day makes more sense."

"Your conclusion was correct m'b- Merlin. Camelot was built by you ancestors, by the dragonlords long ago. Much longer than Uther realises. There is magic in the very foundations of this city.

He blames Sigan for any 'corruption' he sees, but the truth is far more complicated."

Merlin snorted, "Isn't it always."

"Camelot is… special. The magic of the dragons over the centuries seeped into the rock itself, the city in some ways protects itself, and it's master. You, Merlin, are the natural Master, Emrys woke all of the sleeping magic, that attracts other creatures of the old religion. For the first time though, it's master serves someone else. You serve Arthur Pendragon, the other side of the coin, and so the Citadel answers to him first. That does not hold true for the land of Albion. He is the People's King. The land and it's creatures will always answer first to you. You unite magic. He unites the Peoples both with and without.

Igraine was a wonderful woman, beloved by her people, and by Uther; but as noblewomen usually are she was also a pawn in a very long game. Uther won Camelot from it's previous corrupt king in battle. A victory that would never have been possible without magic at his side. He needed someone that the common-folk and nobles alike would accept, and he misunderstood the nature of how dragonlords work. He won the kingdom but he could command neither the city, nor the beasts; Igraine was perfect, and she had the blood of dragon-kin flowing in her veins. It would settle arguments, unite factions, and publicly acknowledge their role and ours. Uther believed it would also provide him the dragonlord son he could use to control them. Her brother explained, more than once, how that wasn't how it worked, or how the ability was passed on, but Uther was too obstinate to listen.

In the end Balinor gave up and stormed out muttering about fools wilfully misunderstanding. If Uther had ever suspected any link between you and Balinor it would not have gone well for you, especially with the great dragon under the castle, he would have sought a way to control you Merlin, and he would have found it. He looks away from Arthur because he sees Igraine's face. He looks away from yours because it causes him to feel fear which he cannot understand. The magic protects you from his comprehension.

You may be right that I should have told you about him, and him of your existence, but if I had sent you to Balinor, Arthur would have followed, and you would likely not have returned alive. If the king had realised your connection at all he would have sought out your mother. At the time of your birth congress with a dragonlord was a crime in Camelot. I couldn't risk her again."

"I wasn't born in Camelot." Merlin scowled.

Giving Merlin the eyebrow Gaius continued, "No, it's where your mother was a free woman though, and where her marriage was, and he doesn't care about technicalities now, it would never matter what anyone offered in testimony."

Merlin examined his uncle's face critically; "Would you stand for her?"

Gaius tapped the edge of his cup and caught Merlin's eye, "She asked me to protect you."

The warlock didn't back down, "Would you stand in court and defend my mother?"

"If I believed it would not result in your death I would defend my sister in a heartbeat. If I put you knowingly at risk, she'd come back through the veil to kill me herself."

"That is not a 'yes' Gaius."

"I went to the Isle of the Blessed and took Nimue's deal to save her. Does that count as one?"

Merlin shifted uncomfortably, acknowledging that yes, technically Gaius had sacrificed his own life for Hunith's then.

"I suppose."

Gaius knew it was the best he could hope for at this point so continued, "Queen Igraine was your aunt, and she made the deal with Nimue, brokered through me. She knew what the cost was, a life for a life. She just didn't expect it to be hers. I suspect that it may have been a contributing factor in the result, that she was content to barter someone else's life. She had her reasons. Igraine had been unable to conceive for years, and the king began to consider other solutions to his lack of an heir- including all of the magical ones, insisting that she was deliberately choosing to withhold a male heir from him, claiming her avoidance of them as proof of that. After finding him with a maid she argued angrily with Uther and blamed him for the problem. Uther was furious, decided to prove a point, and went to her closest friends. Two turned him away- one your mother, two did not- including the Lady of Cornwall. He came back to her repentant, but I suspect now that the reason was Morgana, confirming in his mind that it was Igraine who was defective. It may have been what pushed her to finally choose a life for a life.

Your father did not take his sister's hurt well and as he led the dragonlords it engendered an enmity between them, long before the Purge began. As young as he was, Balinor didn't realise the consequences of rejecting the treaty renewal with Camelot as he had restrained himself from taking any violent action.

When Arthur was born and Igraine died Uther turned completely against magic. Igraine was dead, and so his son should have been the key to the whole land as the power is passed on upon the parents death, yes? Uther was sure he could become the Pendragon who controlled it all with the child of dragons. He decided she must have managed to pass the power to the closest living male when it became clear her child would cost her life. A punishment for him, to steal what he believed should have been his, and with it the assured legitimacy of his kingship.

If anyone were to recall Uther's betrayals of Igraine it could raise questions, and they would have led back to a possible challenger, he had to get rid of any such supporters. He certainly did love her deeply, he just loved power more; Igraine did not, she loved the people and they knew it. To allow her memory to be immortalised as pure was the only way the common folk and nobles would believe he had nothing to do with her death or caused it with his forceful demands for a son. After all, at least a basic understanding of the Old religion was common then. Many must have at least suspected when Uther blamed magic. You were right, death in childbirth or the weeks after is extremely common. Without the purge it would have been assumed by all as a natural tragedy.

Most of us were in shock as the Queen had been very involved in the everyday running of the kingdom, Uther refused to hear her name, almost in denial at first. It was her brother who forced him to allow proper treatment of her body, using a dragon to intimidate Uther into cooperation.

When Arthur was born he had the look of his mother and Uther wouldn't see him, left him to a nurse and stayed away so long the child didn't settle or recognise him when he did visit. Balinor came to see his nephew, and soothed the boy to sleep, told him stories of what his mother had been like in the nursery. It took only days in the castle for him understand Uther's intent for the priestesses who supported Nimue, he tried to warn them, but Nimue was not disposed to listen to men at that time. She thought I knew beforehand what would happen.

He'd gone to challenge the king on his neglect of the baby prince. The cost had been so dear to them all, and to him personally, that this fragile life ought to reflect holding the same value, to kill his sister for a son and abandon him was unacceptable. Balinor demanded that either Uther care for his son, or he would care for his sister's child until he was old enough to choose."

Gaius shook his head. "I intervened, I never should have. Given the chance again I'd allow the man to take the prince from the castle that child into exile. They'd have trained him as well as any knight and it was considered an honour being conferred to have them visit your court so he'd have been exposed widely enough, and acknowledged as Igraine's son by their side, Hunith would have mothered him as much as she did any child. The one problem with that of course being that you may never have been born, though I suspect you'd simply have met sooner. It should have gone differently, though the dragons and their Lords would still have died, Uther drew them into a trap, aided by another family who held a very long standing feud with your own."

"Morgana's." stated Merlin with certainty.

The old man nodded gravely, "Indeed. Morgana's. For a chance at the power held by the dragonlords, they would see them killed."

"We don't burn, Gaius." Merlin held his gaze.

"I won't ask how you know that. No; but you can be trapped with magic inhibiting cuffs that have been forged with dark magic and handed to men like Aredian. The knights and court were told the Prince had been threatened and a failed attempt at kidnapping took place. We didn't realise Uther had already authorised death squads to scour the forests. Arthur may not have known how to kill a dragon Merlin, but back then Uther very definitely did. He lured them and panicked them using the Lords. He keeps- kept- the great dragon not only as a trophy but as a means of control of Balinor just in case he wasn't dead. He never saw the body and is a paranoid man. Killing the last dragon would mean any dragonlord had nothing left to lose.

Men with nothing to lose are dangerous, and Balinor was dangerous to him long before the death of the dragons.

Whatever I had done that day the massacre would still have happened, with a different excuse. Uther was resolved by then to end magic.

Nimue and the priestesses were late arriving, but he was prepared, they would feel any major change in magic, so he knew once he began his cleansing he was certain they would appear. It was taken into account. He had taken their children to ensure obedience. No one thought it strange that they'd have a feast, with Morgana's family visiting it would be a huge insult not to, and they had close ties to the priestess-hood, for good reason too. It wasn't unusual, but it gave them the means to control most of the more experienced women, and as power runs in families even those without children were… They went willingly and we had no idea what was to commence, most people with magic aren't like you Merlin. Alone they couldn't escape. The city had just been completely shaken by the end of the dragons. It was the biggest pyre I'd ever seen, and the memory is indescribable. The stench of burned hair and- well you know well enough, it was inescapable, everyone was numb.

Morgana's family were angry, they'd planned to take the dragons themselves, which even Uther knew was crazy, Uther added a few of their children to the temporary 'shelter' when they rebelled, one even drawing a dagger on him. I was responsible for so many things, and ashamed, but still bound to Uther by an oath of the Old religion. You know those cannot be broken lightly.

Hunith is my little sister, I couldn't let her husband die, or remain in chains. The dragonlords were not given clean deaths. It was only that which gave me time to get him out, and I believe it's why he kept running to leave a trail that led away from you. In return he smuggled one of the children out, getting Morgause to Nimue, the only one with a chance to protect her. The Lady of Cornwall was _generous_ with her favours Merlin, and she knew well her husband's indiscretions- though there is no chance he left any children in his wake.

He cared for her, but preferred the company of men, he knew Morgana was never his, though she didn't, and he knew Morgause wasn't either. Their Mother never did allow the fathers to act in their children's interest. If she'd realised I did it I wouldn't have had to fear the pyre, that woman would have eviscerated me for breaking the rules."

Merlin rested his head in his hands. "Oh gods, Morgause.."

"Your other cousin."

Rolling his eyes, Merlin groaned, "You lot just can't be trusted to be responsible, can you?"

Gaius shook his head, unhearing, "I couldn't keep her, her other family had committed to a suicidal course, and she had natural magic. Nimue used to like teaching, and girls left to live at the Blessed isle with the priestesses, albeit usually a little older. Your mother made choices herself, it's easy in hindsight to criticise, but you've made some of your own bad choices."

The candles flared but Merlin controlled his breathing, "Most of which could have been bloody avoided by knowing basic stuff, and if you think Nimue didn't recognise you in her you're a fool."

"I know. She wasn't always bitter and vengeful though. I should have understood Morgana and Uther's dynamic before. He let her away with things no one else could suggest, though there were limits. Looked proud when she stood her ground and challenged him or demanded the respect of others. She could disagree openly, unlike Arthur, who would never be permitted to openly challenge the king, but she must always obey. Once an order was given she would obey. If she refused there were punishments. The so disapproved of bond with Gwen was tolerated only because he could use it as a tool of control. Guinevere did not fully understand what Morgana endured to keep her only friend. It is unusual for such a woman to remain unwed so late, but there were no suitors who had particular support from Arthur. I stayed far away from questioning any of it.

Uther has used your own bond with Arthur to similar effect. It may not have been the first night Arthur spent in the cells, but it was the first time he acted for a servant knowing well where it would land him.

Uther has been a king less cruel than some of those neighbouring. For those lucky enough to be born without gifts- a large majority even before the purge, he is far better than one like Cedric; who would by now have enslaved you, Kilgarrah, and torched Ealdor for not giving you to him as a child. It does not change my belief that he is an awful father, I cleaned and stitched more wounds than those that scarred on the Prince growing up, he never complained at those times and I never pushed."

Gaius sighed in regret, "Not that I could ever tell them that, or really even agree with their reactions, but I couldn't leave him alone with that, or remove them from it. Then Morgana began having visions and I had to stay to make sure no replacement outed her to the king. I honestly don't know what he would have done.

Uther became so erratic, it was like seeing someone after a severe head injury who changes. Reports would be made and his reaction would not be the same as the week before, and if it mentioned magic he demanded the village be razed, the contamination 'purged'.

Many of the sacred places were desecrated. Springs poisoned with the blood of children. Everyone turned inward, trying to protect those closest to them, at the expense of others often.

The court changed so much. All those with a history of magic use had their titles stripped and lands confiscated, no one dared challenge him on it because he'd shown the extremes he was capable of, they knew that mercy would not be shown and wished to deflect attention. Many went into exile, those who didn't would 'disappear'. It is illegal to mark a sorcerers grave Merlin, it is not permitted because if it was seen it would be real and they would be remembered as humans. We mark the graves only of people. Uther introduced new distinctions to break the connection; magic-users, sorcerers, and 'my people', 'the good people of Camelot. The name of those who bring them in or accuse are mentioned. Rarely the names of the accused. Seemingly minor laws that add up and make it impossible for a magic user to even pass through this land safely.

Dehumanising is key Merlin. Make us human again. I will take you to the places that should be marked by cairns. Perhaps before I die I can regain some of my humanity, even if my soul is beyond redemption." Gaius drank deeply, Merlin had given up on managing anything, feeling too sick to attempt it.

Pressing his lips tightly together Gaius seemed to try and gauge how best to continue.

"He stabilised around ten years after it began, with only specific triggers reawakening the brutality and rage."

"Gaius, he had you tortured." Merlin sounded appalled, despite his anger towards Gaius he still hadn't forgiven Uther for that, or for allowing him to interrogate Morgana and himself. Morgana had done nothing and he was willing to throw her to a wolf.

"Yes he did Merlin."

"Why did you stay?" He really was curious about that. It seemed irrational.

Gaius sighed, "I am an old man Merlin, my whole life has been here, tell me, where would I go?"

"Well, mum would always be glad…" His voice faded out as he realised the dangers of that.

His mentor raised his eyebrows. "And then if someone came or called me they might discover Hunith, or Uther could remember the name of 'Ealdor' where he pursued a certain dragonlord you resemble. There is nowhere Merlin. Too many of my friends died here, so will I. Hopefully not until you know all I do, or another is trained, but no, I won't be retiring to the country, Merlin."

Merlin didn't have to ask to know that was a confession to knowing that he was living now on borrowed time.

"I'll try and make it peaceful, however things lie between us should the time come."

"Thank you." Gaius replied calmly.

"Don't thank me. Why didn't you teach me about the Old religion, or tell me what killing Nimue meant. I abandoned people I didn't even realise I bore a responsibility to. You just let them continue to fight over something I didn't want and they can't wield. What were you thinking? Did it just not matter as long as they weren't in front of you?

"At the time you were far too inexperienced and vulnerable. Easily manipulated and naive. Think Merlin, Nimue tricked you easily just by wearing a pretty face and trailing a little power."  
"Yeah, and I had no idea priestesses still existed, or there was a grudge and deal made twenty odd years ago. Or what the sensation of being watched meant, because no one explained scrying was a thing until it was too late. If you couldn't have told me beforehand you should at have said something after I murdered the woman. What happens to the Blessed Isle if it's neglected Gaius, and abandoned? Hell, maybe I could have stopped what happened to Morgause after I murdered her guardian if I knew she existed. Arthur wouldn't have been trapped and manipulated into holding a sword to his father's throat- oh, you didn't know that, I forgot, well he was, and I had to use more lies to end it. He went from being ready to listen to convicted of magic being evil that day. Again. I want you to tell him. About the deal, about Nimue, and Igraine's death. He needs to know."

"I'm bound by an Oath, Merlin."

The younger man distantly heard thunder rolling.

"Does Geoffrey know?" Gaius managed to force a nod of confirmation.

"Right. Good. Do you know what is in the vaults?" Gaius looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"You must be joking. Do you or do you not?"

"Some of it. There are a great of things that were never seen or processed, and a huge collection before. The dragon guard wasn't for minor things though."

"I doubt anyone could persuade them to that."

"There is one who might." Gaius' eyebrows rose pointedly.

"Yes, well, I'm not about to put any dragon through that kind of pain and trauma. Emrys or not, I'm not deliberately pissing off the dragons either, I like flying."

"There are other ways to fly Merlin."  
"Not like this there aren't." His eyes glazed in memory.

"You look like your father when you speak of them that way. He'd be proud of you."

"When he died he believed I was going to slay Kilgarrah."

"No Merlin, when he died he trusted you to do the right thing with knowledge he gave you."

"I wish you had done the same. Maybe he'd have taught me more about them than how to kill."

Both sat quietly, lost in thought.

"If Emrys is supposed to be half of the saviour, why does Morgana believe she is doing that? Why was she encouraged to see it as her destiny?"

"Seeing is a difficult burden to bear Merlin, and shows only one side. When the visions of death began to come to her, Morgana would never have ordered it. I believe she initially tried to prevent her visions and brought them to fruition. Morgause saw an opportunity. As for the Old religion, there must be a balance. To tell you more would be dangerous because of who you are, but the Witch is not Emrys, and her destiny is not… it is dark."

"Darkness to my light. She walks in the shade. It isn't light and darkness, The meaning is not what I thought. Thank you Gaius. I need to think."

"Indeed. Before you wouldn't have stopped to, you didn't have the necessary understanding of how magic works in this world to succeed."

Merlin spread his hands in frustration, "I still don't Gaius. There are things happening around us that I should have been prepared for, and a mad king in the castle- who apparently has been unstable for a very long time- whose son is trying to work out what the hell mess he's being left in while rebuilding a bloody city and preparing for the return of an angry vengeful witch. Who happens to be his half sister.

If you want to save your home, or your city, or your family, or fucking anything this is the last chance you will ever have. You're not my first difficult conversation this morning so I have to go do deliveries, otherwise I think something bad will happen. I really can't take more information right now, but if you want to restore anything with the Crown Prince I suggest you grovel. Hard. He was talking about old men and cells last night, but so far has actually done anything that would be awkward to explain to the council."

Gaius nodded thoughtfully. "I need to consider things carefully as well Merlin, would you send Sir Gwaine down later, I think I may need to discuss something with him. What did you mean by not your first conversation? It's barely light."

Merlin tilted his head, usually the pair tried to avoid each other. "I'll ask him. I'm not going to press it, if it's important enough you'll find him. Oh, and I see ghosts now. See you later with the willow bark, elderflower and chamomile we're low on. Bye Gaius"

Merlin sauntered off feeling like the only stopping him from spinning outwards was the cheery smile. It had seemed like such a good day until he woke too.

First round done, Merlin grabbed Arthur's breakfast and something for himself from the smiling young woman. He should learn her name he thought.

Slipping into the room he placed the tray on the table and without attempting speech drew open the heavy drapes, tying them back.

"Rise and shine Arthur, in two minutes I will drag that quilt from you no matter how cold you claim it makes you."

"I thought you were supposed to come in in a good mood today."  
"I was. Then I spoke to two old men, and now nothing makes sense, or possibly a great deal makes sense, it's hard to tell; and I hate everything, but it doesn't stop the sun shining upon the marsh of misery, or prats. I think day drinking could catch on. Be a thing."

"You're spending too much time with Gwaine." Came the Prat's gravelly morning tones, "Wait until I've eaten. Not. A. Word. Until after breakfast..." Arthur slowly processed his servant's slightly wired wake up call. "Could you?"

"Could I what?" Merlin looked up in confusion.

"Stop the sun shining."  
Merlin shrugged, "Well...yeah, I guess… but why?"

Arthur tried not to look unsettled by that statement and failed.

"Arthur, I haven't done something like that without life or death cause since I was eight years old. My mum damn near tanned my hide when she realised what I'd done."

"Except with lightning."

"Uhm. Except storms when I am grieving. Or maybe very, very angry."

"Merlin I know I call you a girl, and honestly it's because half the time you are a girl, but I'd really rather you talked about your feelings than drowned us all. Not to me, not ever to me, but maybe someone less- well me. Guinivere maybe, Guinivere knows about feelings."

"Shut up Arthur."

"It's treason to say that."

"It's treason for me to breathe Arthur, if you're going to kill me, make it for something noticeable. Dramatic. I could do unnatural storms, summon a dragon or take up unicorn riding. Turn the rain to ale, Gwaine would like that." Merlin was pacing, rather wild eyed as he ranted.

"That bad?"

Merlin glowered, "Worse." His expression cleared completely, "So sire, would you prefer to start with the good news, or bad."

Arthur considered Merlin's overall mood. "Good. At least I can briefly enjoy that."  
"Well then, we know which weapons I need, the concise answer is all of them except for bow and a quiver of arrows. Long knives, curved blade, ritual knife, silent darts for poisoning, and magical armour, but the Catha will answer to me. The druids are calling a High Council, and will tell me when and where to be. Don't have me followed this time. Lachlan- that's the bearded ghost- has agreed to map out the vaults for me, with deadly trap placement."

"Well that's fantastic. I don't have a curved sword or such, but long and short knives are simple. What's the bad news?"

"The history here is more complex than I thought, and the atrocities were more significant than I can measure yet. You and I are supposed to fix something that is bigger than a genocide. There's too much to process. Blood feuds, histories, prophecies, identities, all twisted up. Just- I feel trapped. If we fail, everything does. Not just a battle, it all hinges on us, and possibly Morgana- I don't understand her role yet. You know this room used to feel homey, it's stupid, you would throw cups and threaten me with stocks all the time. Today the whole castle just seems oppressive."

"Well that I can help with, and anytime you want me to throw cups I am more than willing to oblige, it's just less satisfying when you catch them and smirk. Prepare the horses for going out after training."

Merlin smiled at the familiar tone of command. "Yes Arthur." They would do this, whatever happened, because it was them.


	32. Chapter 31

It was all going so well, Arthur should have expected something like this.

He had been with the round table when a report came in of a huge monster.

Merlin and Gwaine had exchanged alarmed glances when they heard _where_ it was, only breathing freely when 'fur' was mentioned.

"What was it doing?"

The man looked at Arthur as though he was being unreasonable by asking. "What you'd expect it to."

"Please be clear. I won't send my men against something without _some_ idea of what we face."

"It's just like a normal cat my Lord, but giant."

Arthur felt a headache building. "And when you say 'giant'?..."

"Filling most of the field, sire."

"Has it threatened anyone? Eaten anyone? Performed any horrifying monstrous feats?"

"Well, no sire. Other than growl when someone poked it."

"You may leave, that has been very helpful, I will send the knights to deal with the threat. Until then stay well away from the beast, and try not to look too appetising."

The peasant, no less confused than before was led from the hall, towards the food hall.

"Merlin, as the best trained in these cases, does a giant cat match anything from the bestiary?"

He had no helpful answer, "No sire."

"Are there any _other_ likely explanations for a cat the size of a field in the vicinity of Camelot."

"Only two spring immediately to mind sire."

"Elaborate." Arthur forced out.

"Well, the most likely, with it being full feline and no different parts or chimera features, would be that initially it was a normal sized cat. If anyone is missing their house cat or mouser, have them check the markings for a match." Merlin shrugged.

"Or?"

"The other option requires something outlawed to resolve the problem and so it cannot be that."

"Oh god. It must be Thursday."

Leon, Lancelot, Gwaine, idiot, stay. The rest of you are released to other duties. As they filed from the hall Arthur tried not to glare.

Gritting his teeth he turned to Merlin and Gwaine. "Is there any chance this could have something to do with either of you? At all."

Merlin looked offended, "What would be gained by turning a poor wee fluffy kitten into a field sized…." the colour drained from his face. "I have to go."

"I should go too, in case we need a thing." added Gwaine as he moved to follow.

"Oh no you don't." Arthur voice halted them both in their tracks.

"Lancelot, organise horses. We're going for a ride."

Merlin gulped, his king did not look happy.

"When you went out last night, Merlin, was there by any chance ale or mead consumed?"

"Not by me, Arthur."

He nodded, looking pained.

"Then why the hurry to leave?"

"Because I sarcastically told a friend that he was _almost_ as comforting as a fluffy kitten, OK? I wouldn't rule it out for him to do that but I would have felt it so this is different and not him, it's also very much not his style."

"That's not a reason."

Merlin looked at the prat as if he was being intentionally dim, "Even sweet kittens get hungry, clotpole. Did _you_ notice him mention any giant mice?"

Arthur groaned, "Good point. Armoury, fast."

"Um, Arthur, if this is either of the things I think it is, then you are all going to have to turn around, or be very distracted while I fix it illegally, before any livestock or peasants go missing."

"I'll live with it. You may not want to if it's going to be a very noticeable performance."

"More noticeable than a giant kitten?" Merlin scoffed.

"Shut up Merlin."

Gwaine managed to keep his amusement under control for most of the journey, until they were close. Leon looked puzzled at the scarred trees and their mounts began to exhibit signs of nervousness. "Merlin, secure them and follow me." The other three did so without direction, though Arthur was beginning to think, by the wide smile on Gwaine's face that he may not be the _best_ choice for taming of fighting such a beast.

"Gwaine, _try_ to remember you are a dignified defender of Camelot",

"Yes Princess, but you can't tell me it isn't cute, especially confused when it's catching its own tail like that. Does it _look_ like a monster to you?"

"Never trust the cute ones Gwaine, or the pretty ones." Came Merlin's voice.

"That from personal experience mate?"

"Very." came a flat response.

"I'll do my best."

"Well, can you tell from here or do you need to get closer?"

"Closer I think."

Merlin was about to declare it generally safe when he nearly knocked into his pixie friend. Not friend exactly. Non-enemy?

"Ah, My Lord Emrys", the sparkling creature smiled warmly and bowed, as Gwaine tried to control hysterical laughter. Arthur looked on in horror, and Lancelot tried desperately to think of some less awful excuses than Merlin's would undoubtedly be.

"I saw you last night with your friend, and since you seemed not to wish to visit we had been trying to think of what type of gift might be fitting, when you mentioned the comfort creature."

The poor pixie looked so proud of himself that it made Merlin feel guilty to have to try and reverse the situation, but he could just _feel_ Arthur's eyes boring holes in him. "Um, the thing is , while he's an amazing creature, and I'm honoured by the- ah- thought that you put into this, there isn't really room in the castle for such a _big_ cat to roam, I'd hate to have him unhappy. Did he belong to someone before?"

The pixie looked offended, "Steal? For Lord Emrys? Certainly not! This is Ceasar. He is from a noble line of cats. We haven't really told them about the empire breaking up, it was difficult enough after Egypts decline. I figured if we just don't tell them, perhaps they won't notice."

Merlin nodded, "No, sure, I guess that makes sense, but _why?"_

"You did not accept our invitation, this was a fitting tribute in its place." Merlin nodded and called over his shoulder "Arthur, I need help to translate something."

"Well that makes a change, what this time, idiot?"

"You cannot call My Lord an idiot!"

" _I_ can if he is being one. Merlin? Explain."

"Apparently the cat is mine, and they haven't told him about Rome, because Egypt was complicated, which is fine; but then there was a bit where he mentioned 'tribute' because I didn't go to dinner, and that's why there's a giant kitten."

Arthur looked between his idiot servant-warlock, and the sparkly pixie, and the giant, bouncy kitten trying to catch a falcon. He wished it luck. "Merlin, accept the invitation, Lord Sparkles, or whatever your name is, Lord Emrys would be _delighted_ to join you for a diplomatic meeting and feast. Please relay details of any times or rendezvous points to Prince Arthur of Camelot, who will ensure the idiot- I mean _Emrys_ remembers to be there on time. Now, is there any chance you can shrink this _delightful_ beast to the size of a normal one so that it may torment- oops, _amuse_ Lord Emrys in his home?"

"You are the other side of his coin?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, if it would make them listen though… "Apparently so."

"Then yes, I shall be glad to convey such a message to our court, and Caesar should be no problem to shrink to a more convenient size if this is inappropriate, I simply assumed after last night-"

"No, normal sized is fantastic, brilliant, easier to travel with too. Is it just a standard shrinking spell for a living animal?"

"Yes my Lord."

Merlin winced awkwardly, muttering to his friend, "Arthur, can anybody still staring look at something else _very hard_ for a minute please?"

Arthur sighed, silently acknowledging the wisdom in not _openly_ demanding Merlin use magic at that moment.

"Leon, go and check the perimeter for… giant mice. Just in case."

The first knight smirked, "Yes sire."

"Lancelot, firewood, we need some, possibly lots. Right away."  
"Of course sire, I think the opposite direction would be a good place to start."

The prince held out a hand; "Gwaine. Shut up, touch nothing."

"Wasn't going to Princess."

His servant-warlock smiled in relief. Lance might _know_ but it was different. "Thanks Arthur."

Merlin stretched out one hand and softly chanted over the terrifying beast as it shrank back to an acceptable scale. "Merlin, you now acknowledge the tribute from your people or...whatever they are… and thank them for contributing." Arthur hissed.

"But Arthur, I know how hard that is for folk."

"Yes, and this is voluntarily offered in good faith, so graciously thank him for the bloody cat."

This was one of the times it was simplest to go along with Arthur's suggestion.

So by the time Leon finished his very thorough search for giant mice- which he extended to also cover rats and voles, Merlin _had_ profusely thanked the pixie for their generous offer of a giant, noble kitten, and agreed to attend a feast with them. Which he suspected may involve shrinking himself for practical reasons. He had also wheedled an invitation for the Once and future king in case of any further translation issues, to avoid more incidents with nature offerings.

Caesar was quite delighted with the whole thing, and while travelling by horse was definitely _not_ something he would recommend, the easy availability of prey in the castle, and abundance of humans to command was very pleasing.


	33. Chapter 32

When Arthur had asked Geoffrey about blood feuds his answer had been 'which one', and whilst the Prince had known it was unlikely to be simple he hadn't liked it any more.

"The ones that are relevant to the Pendragons and Camelot."

The repetition of "Which ones." was not encouraging. The archivist had at last taken pity on him and explained those between Merlin's House and his, and Morgana's with everyone.

It was not a pleasant conversation. Nor was realising that he and Merlin were cousins through Igraine and Balinor.

Knowing about the rivalry between Morgana's family and Merlin's- thus also his by extension would have been useful, and the resentment of Gaius would certainly have fed Morgana's ill feeling towards them all. Especially if Nimue had poisoned Morgause against them.

"Why did you let her suffer that way?" He had asked Geoffrey, and the old man had looked pained as he willed the prince to understand, "She was too much like her mother already. If the king was ignoring the fact that so many of those women had the sight, experienced visions like Morgana's, I believed it was a conscious choice to overlook it. Raising the issue would either bring pain to her if he could no longer pretend ignorance in the knowledge that it was obvious to others, or I would cause my own death by daring to suggest such a thing occurred within his household. By then he had executed many of those that had been loyal to him once.

Gaius began to give her potions. Even the ones that allowed her to sleep wouldn't have prevented the visions. Only stifled the disturbances that risked her life. It kept her alive though. Uther wasn't the only one who knew of the old gifts. This was a place that often intensified such things as the dragons had lived here, guarded it so long. I suspect another place would have brought her greater rest, but she was not permitted to travel, kept tightly under Uther's gaze… and control." He didn't hide his disapproval of the king's decision, or priorities, continuing.

"You yourself have been on campaign against Mercia, or away hunting, on quests, but very rarely have you visited other kingdoms to strengthen ties. That is not a common choice, Arthur. What do you think inspired them to bring all such missions regarding you and the then Lady Morgana to Camelot's court?"

The Prince frowned, fingers tapping, "I assumed that as father had said, power drew others, lesser kings and Lords. The most powerful was where we met, it's certainly wise to have a meeting of several important men- and women- well defended. Ours was the most stable in peace years."

Geoffrey nodded thoughtfully. "That may be so, but it has been a long time indeed, since you visited a foreign court during peacetimes. Long enough to not recognise Gwaine. Uther insisted that business be conducted here. He saw traps and traitors everywhere, and some others agreed not for the good of Camelot or safety abroad, but because they can keep their courts at home however they wish, presenting abroad only what pleases your Father. If the kings of Mercia or Caerleon should take on a court sorcerer for example, or Lot seek to work with Morgause' supporters, it is far easier to conceal if business is not conducted in their home. Of all the potential matches presented to you over the years, consider how many were brought from a foreign court to your own, without you ever seeing their home. Yes you've met knights at tournaments, but that's always as much for show and restoring the commons' faith as anything useful."

He couldn't deny the truth of that, Cenred had visited Camelot whilst working at home to build up his forces with Morgause, Arthur's hand formed a fist on the table. "This will take my whole reign to undo, and with it any legacy of the peace we had."

Geoffrey winced before he spoke, knowing it would sound critical, "Sire, I agree that there have been fewer serious battles during parts of his reign, but what you and others speak of as 'peace times' have not been so for those caught up in the genocide. Far from it. I believe that you can forge a peace as has not been seen for a long time, but do not make the mistake of thinking this is peace. The smooth looking surface of an ocean. What you have been raised in is an unnatural regime lacking balance, it's founded on massacres and the murder of children. The records I showed you are what I could save and keep hidden, the vast majority regarding magic did burn, the names of the missing are separate, and the only ones who can reliably help fill in certain gaps of the knowledge are the druids.

They keep no written records and train certain people instead to be keepers of the history, teaching in oral tradition. My own memory is good, but it is not like that."

The prince rolled his eyes, growling in frustration, "Great, well that's simple- oh wait, I've led hundreds of raids and we've been killing them for years. They'll never agree to meet with me." Arthur was fed up of things like this.

Geoffrey was unconcerned, ignoring the princes clearly deteriorating mood.

"They will. Get Emrys to arrange it. Trust me, if he demands it there will be a meeting. No weapons."

Arthur glared at him for stupidity, "They'd still have magic."  
"Probably. Not a problem Lord Emrys will find tricky."

Arthur observed the old archivist carefully, hearing the absolute certainty. "You know more about him than he does, don't you.?"

The man paused, looking seriously at Arthur. "I know more about possibilities, and his heritage. Not of the man. You and Merlin know each other better than most spouses ever will, and that's taking into consideration the fact he held so much of himself back for so long. Prophecies and foretelling is tricky Arthur, it can be a trap if the subject knows about it beforehand. There are simple prophecies, and there are forked prophecies, and there are self fulfilling prophecies. Not all are equal. Merlin knows this, he's taken out a book on them before-not of them, but for their purpose."  
Arthur blanched, horrified, "You lend those?"  
The old man snorted and he eyes crinkled in amusement "No, I check the crevices and hidden places when he leaves to see what has gone and what has returned. According to the king prophecy is magic."

Arthur frowned. "Did Uther just declare anything he didn't understand to be magic?"

Geoffrey's lips turned downwards, "In some cases. Like healing. Gaius swore he'd never take another student after the fate of the last one. Merlin was unexpected. To him at least, I never believed he'd properly leave you without a physician."

"You mean Camelot."  
The librarian glared at him, "I know exactly what I mean young man, do not twist my words. Gaius would have left Camelot if he had a choice- even considered breaking his oath despite the cost, but he stayed willingly for you; and Morgana in a way."

"He failed Morgana." It angered him more than he wanted to admit now that they were enemies, but in his heart she was still just Morgana.

"You say that now, Arthur, because it's easy to see, but recall your sister as she was. The passionate arguments she had with Uther. If you had known of her magic, even if you had chosen not to tell him, would you have told her? Or decided not to risk having her scream at him about being unable to see it in his home, or why hasn't he burned her yet, in anger or the heat of the moment. He was willing to punish you both harshly for far less, or use others to teach you lessons if it didn't work. Would she have wanted to increase her power? When she was very young she trusted Uther and would have told him anything that two old men told her; and we'd all have been kindling on the next bonfire." After the twenty year purge Lord Geoffrey could speak perfectly calmly about the prospect of an old friend burning him alive. It was unsettling.

"It might have saved her." Arthur stated.

"Yes, or it could have condemned her, and Guinivere." As quickly as he covered the stricken look, Geoffrey had seen; young men could be so predictable. "Surely you don't think he would have let a girl who concealed it and allowed such things to go on on her watch go? That she'd no education on it at all wouldn't have mattered. She'd have burned either as a witch herself, or been executed for supporting and hiding the practice of witchcraft, as Morgana watched. It's illegal to cover up even the suspicion of magic, as Gaius and I both did. He chose everyday not to tell her, but he also chose daily not to tell Uther. Don't make the mistake of jumping quickly to conclusions without thought. It's a necessary skill to survive in battle, and as shown by your father, a deadly flaw in a king." Geoffrey had never quite agreed with the practice of giving a young girl a companion to act as chaperone and servant between the awkward stage of a nanny and their own maids in waiting. That Uther hadn't granted Morgana the trappings and responsibility of adulthood had grated on her, she really should have been given her own, instead of being trapped in limbo, and a marriage arranged properly before she fell into darkness.

Arthur frowned, folding his arms, "You believe I am not ready."

The old man shook his head, waving that away, "I believe that you are capable and desire to always do better. That you are a perfectionist. You will never feel ready. You are a man Arthur. A good man, possibly a great man, but every man has flaws, and it is simple wisdom to be aware of them. When training a knight you do not fail to point out shoddy footwork or where he leaves himself open. You tell him so that he practices and doesn't make the same mistake in battle, on the day that it matters. Many would spare your ego Arthur, and I might have, if we had more time, but we do not, so unsweetened it must go. If you wish to understand, there are likely to be several things that are difficult to accept. Morgana's most difficult flaws for exercising authority were her temper, and her unwillingness to ever yield. You suffer from self doubt and the same explosive responses at times. I watched you grow up, and it's greatly to your credit that you are as balanced as you are, and to Merlin's. Don't doubt yourself. Especially when it's because it isn't what your father would do, or want. If you try to do it that way Camelot will fall. To save it, you must rule as your own man."

"My own, or as Merlin's puppet?" Arthur didn't seriously think his servant would use him that way but there were many things he wouldn't have expected. Asking was better than allowing things to fester for now.

"Don't be foolish. Sire, if he wanted the power he could have seized it years ago. Or simply not saved you. Or joined with any one of those who have offered to use him over that time. You are not his puppet, or you wouldn't be questioning it. Listening to advisors is what every good king does. You are not forced against your will or nature by him. Only compelled by your desire to do what is in the best interests of your people; a desire which he conveniently happens to share."

"And if it's another act?" Arthur didn't quite fully prevent the lost feeling from leaking into his tone.

"If you can believe that and work against Emrys then nothing will save this kingdom." Geoffrey snapped. "You don't think that though."

The Prince grimaced, annoyed that he couldn't, it would make things easier in many ways if he could believe Merlin had an evil plan. Then he might not have to accept that magic didn't equate to evil. "How long has he been this powerful, so much so you claim he could have chosen to take the kingdom had the fancy struck him."

Geoffrey stroked his beard, looking at Arthur, "That's a question you would have to ask him, as are most of the things you seek to discover."

"So if it was suggested a young child could manipulate weather, that might be possible?"

"If they were as powerful as legend suggests Emrys is, certainly, though rare."

The prince nodded thoughtfully. He wasn't familiar enough with magic yet to be able to identify what was serious and what were jokes. Learning would be necessary new skill considering Merlin's look of confusion as he asked "but why?", as if the the lack of a reason not to stop it was all that held back the force of nature that Arthur was discovering his servant to truly be. ''But why?' bothered him far more than he let on.

Merlin himself burst in to the room full of manic energy that ebbed as he saw the prince, "Ah, Arthur- Um, I was just…"

"Looking for someone? Late?"

"Yes. Those." He paced, "I need someone neutral. Did you know no one is neutral, Arthur? Hmm?" He turned to Arthur, hands on hips angrily, "There's only sides and agendas, and opinions, and there's no one with any bloody balance!"

Arthur looked flatly at his own personal drama queen mid-flounce, "Yes Merlin. Also on state the obvious day, Percival is tall, and the knights like weapons."

"But Arthur, no one. How am I supposed to know who to listen to if they are all…"  
"Human?" The prince raised a wry eyebrow, rather enjoying watching someone else wrestling with one of his least favourite problems.

"At least half of them are clotpoles."  
"Having met many similar people I might be forced to concede that for once you are right; Geoffrey, theoretically if we were to seek a less biased record and advise, where might that be found?"

Merlin froze, realising he had completely ignored the presence of the old man as

Lord Geoffrey shook his head, "Well now, historically that would have been the dragons, and possibly the druids, but I am afraid in this case the problem continues to be that there was no neutrality. Only guilty and not guilty. In effect there was a civil war style split, where neutrality was considered a betrayal of both sides and meant both would willingly kill you. Excuse me gentlemen but I gather there are matters you must discuss privately."

Merlin stopped pacing, looking abashed at the archivists calm withdrawal from the room, and Arthur's raised eyebrows. "Too much?"  
"No, please, in the Lady's absence I've been missing the rants as someone storms furiously into whichever room I am occupying, glaring at me for not being psychic- although if I was it would be doubly illegal. Do continue the entertainment. Though your reviews won't be good, you are clearly an amateur at this kind of strop."

Merlin gaped at Arthur, how dare he liken him to Morgana's hissy fits. Crossing his arms over his chest, he looked coolly at the prince and let thunder rumble in the distance, "Fine, not a complete amateur. What's the problem Merlin?"

The warlock sighed, resting his head against the wood. "I've run through all of my options and everyone has vested interests and their own motives. Gaius I can work with, but there is still a hell of a lot to work through, and other things I can't avoid any more, like him turning in a person I cared for. Telling me he didn't know why I'm like this when I asked outright. Dangling me in front of Uther despite knowing I could be recognised. Kilgarrah might have been compromised when he was assessing Morgana, given her parentage. I need to borrow Lord Geoffrey sire, before tomorrow night.

The exhausted prince looked sorrowfully at his warlock, so torn;

"Merlin, I have known the witch most of my life. This… Kilgarrah… if he foresaw her fall, did not lie to you. She has always been stubborn and independent, and our father encouraged the expectation of unwarranted respect. Once she was warm and kind, but she hardened, and it began long before you ever reached the gates. She always wanted to prove that she could do everything, but not always for the right reasons, and she has always been one to hold a grudge. There were many roads to walk here, but I suspect that each of them would have led to her challenging me eventually."

Merlin met Arthur's steady gaze, "She has no reason to hold anger towards you Arthur, I have hurt her, but you didn't."

Arthur snorted softly, fingers drifting over his sword hilt. "Trust me Merlin, if she had magic then, I hurt her."

Merlin didn't argue. It was true. He had watched it, many times, callous words, lives shrugged off, and the prince was a far better man now than he had once been. Wiser. The best of teenage boys tended to be somewhat tactless and princes surrounded by false friends more than most, with the arrogance and pride, Merlin was more than glad he'd been a whole kingdom away from that.

"I have two weeks. The Druid Council will meet under the full moon. I need to find a way to convince them by then."

Arthur took in the frazzled appearance, dishevelled even for him, and narrowed his eyes.

Grabbing his quill and parchment Arthur quickly scribed a note and sealed it hastily.

"Take this to Lady Guinivere. Merlin, you may be an idiot, but you are an idiot with a plan. You just need to focus and stick to it. Once the meeting is done, you and I, and the others separately, are going to sit down and discuss what has been done. It appears that the secrets of our pasts have a nasty habit of biting us, or our successors, on the arse. Whatever has been done will be pardoned, and I have a great deal to seek forgiveness for myself- though Gwaine must never hear that. If you truly are what they say, and who you claim to be, I must assume that men have died in your name as in mine, whether you would will it or not."

"It's a bit more complicated than that, but yeah. I just want the cycle to end. There is a war ahead that we have to fight, no way around, but let's make it the last, yeah?" Merlin was certain that there was a great deal he'd done that wasn't so pardonable, but arguing with the prat when he made noble declarations took energy he didn't have at that moment to spare, so for once he didn't.

Arthur pressed the note into his servant's hands, "If the council meets in a fortnight then We're going 'hunting' in a week. No more operating in the fucking dark."

"Arthur, if you are going to seek peace with the druids I think you should speak to Sir Percival, he may have some insights to offer if you approach him carefully. It would mean a great deal to him if we could discuss that aspect of our- your intentions."

"No Merlin, ours was correct. See Lady Guinivere, then take Gwaine, with his extra weapons, as a guard to gather the supplies Gaius needs deep in the forest, out of sight. Carefully." The warlock nodded.

Gwen was easy enough to find while Uther dozed, and her eyes widened as she read the note from Arthur. Morgana had made it a condition that any maid Uther assigned her be literate, or an education provided, of huge benefit now to Guinivere.

"Are you sure? No, silly question, of course that's why the Prince sealed it himself. Ok. It's been a while since anyone asked me to use these skills properly. I'll need to measure you properly, unless you know your measurements?" Casting a critical eye over her friend's attire Gwen pressed her lips together and shook her head, "You know what, even if you do, I'm taking my own. This sounds interesting. I guess I'm not cleared to know about this 'diplomatic mission'?" Her eyes twinkled and Merlin felt confusion spread through him...and suspicion.

"Gwen? Show me that message." She smirked and held it just out of reach, turning when he grabbed, his reach longer than hers, sounding strangled when she tucked it neatly between her cleavage and folded her arms, silently daring him to try it. If he tried Arthur might actually throw him in a particularly dank dungeon. Gwen giggled as his aghast expression dissolved into a pout that she couldn't take seriously, "It's nothing bad, I promise. I was sure you knew what he asked for. Just tell him I'll have it done. Come by mine tonight and I'll get the numbers I need, bring a companion with you, can't have us besmirching both our reputations further. I'm quite looking forward to the project." She grinned. Merlin did not trust that grin. He knew better.

The knights training seemed more violent than usual, but since he was actively restraining himself, Merlin found he was more envious of the knight's actions than concerned as once he might have been. Sparring wasn't just for getting rid of frustration. Ultimately it was practice that kept them alive, he knew that firsthand now. As it ended Merlin saw Arthur take Percival aside and say something, as he shot a panicked glance at Merlin the younger man met his eyes and shook his head. He hadn't mentioned the knight's wife, family, or history, but if they were going to try and negotiate a ceasefire and peace, Percival's knowledge of subtleties could be of great benefit to them. He also thought the man simply deserved to know that his King valued the lives of Percival's family and intended to end the cycle of hate. Certainly Merlin had harboured no certainties until recently. Faith, yes; but not the assurance he had now.

Gwaine materialised at his side seeing where his attention was focused. "Hey. Princess said I've to take you out for some practice and there'll be horses waiting. You ready?"

Merlin side eyed the knight. "No. Are you?"

"Absolutely. I'm bloody glad that if anyone was to be charged with this and the power it's you. Plus I get to go riding with you, and try to get you up to being able to take some of us out with using that."

"I don't think I trust me with it. There's something else in me Gwaine. Like a tidal lake I hold back all the time. Dipped into it only a handful of times. It scares me, what I could do."

"Mate, I know the legends, and, not to upset you, I've stayed with travelling camps in the past few years. Some stories carry. You don't scare me, because you are Merlin. Yeah, you are also Emrys. That's fucking terrifying, but my fear is for you, not of you. Few men who hold power like that would be willing to serve another, or kneel. Let alone go to the stocks weekly for so long. Come on. I've got everything we need. Looks like Percy and princess need to talk. We won't help staying here. Anything special you are watching for?"

Merlin looked away, "Nah. Just caught in thought. You're right, we should go, before someone starts yelling tasks at us. Dangerous business staying still, especially if you happen to be a servant."

He wanted to know what Arthur was organising with Gwen. He didn't like others having secrets that way, it felt unnatural.

Gwaine grabbed the distracted Merlin's shoulder. "Go help him out of full armour and meet me at the stables."

Arthur finally noticed he was being watched and strode with Percival towards the armoury, smiling at Merlin and gesturing for him to follow. As his servant began to unbuckle various straps Arthur observed closely. No apparent injuries, but with what he now knew he was tempted to check. He didn't like the idea that some of the people closest to him were afraid he'd think them weak.

Feeling the scrutiny Merlin rolled his eyes, paranoid prat. "Don't think too hard, that head takes enough knocks from this bunch of idiots."

"Be careful, both of you. The part of the forest you need can be dangerous."

"Reeeeally?" Merlin rolled his eyes, the sarcasm dripping from his voice, "You do know that I remain in your service for the safety and lack of near death experiences. Will this ruin that perfect record sire? Really I am torn, was there less danger facing the immortal army, or ousting a false queen, what do you think, Perce?"

The big man grinned at them and slapped him on the back, "I take no sides in the tiff. Now or ever."

Merlin pouted. "Wuss."

Arthur's voice lost the teasing note. "Merlin? Whatever you do, don't die."

Armour removed, the dark head jerked sharply and growled "That won't be a problem sire."

"Almost passable servants are hard to find."

Merlin huffed but smiled and Arthur forced back the urge to stop there. Gwaine was right, if the warlock was to have his own place at the table… "Friends are harder."

Stunned at the admission Merlin's eyes were bright with emotion. "Hurry up, before you are late..er. Attend me before the evening meal."

He did, knowing drawing any attention to the moment would definitely result in gratuitous punishment of emotional manservants. "Sir Percival and I have something to discuss. Don't look afraid of a report Sir Percival. You are not being targeted personally, everyone's turn will come. Some already have been called to account." Percy's eyes flicked towards Merlin's retreating form, and Gwaine's recent late night sober returns made more sense.

Percy felt grim acceptance settle over him. So be it. "Aye, Sire."

Prince Arthur continued as if there was no possible impending doom hanging over them both. "Walk with me, as it turns out my chambers are safest for sensitive conversations, and Gwaine has managed to drink all the strong stuff yet. No connection to me having Merlin move the stash. Actually that probably wasn't the safest option, the idiot could be convinced to smuggle it…"

Percy smiled, "Not against his will sire, no one convinces Merlin to do something he really is set against. You ever tried?"

"Yes. It seems I am the exception to most Merlin rules, and that one applies to even me. Easier than trying to force him not to do something though."

"You might be surprised Sire."

"I might. My ability to muster surprise recently has been suffering severe erosion though. Go in. It's not the cave of a troll."

Percival passed him cautiously and Arthur took a stabilising breath. This wasn't just Merlin, or Gwaine, who still called him 'Princess'. Percival was a proper knight, despite his common birth. He handed the unnerved man some strong wine; it was the first time he'd ever been inside the Prince's chambers properly.

"So, Sir Percival. I've been speaking to some of the men who were on that trip with us both."

"Gwaine and Merlin." Arthur raised a brow, he was sure it hadn't been mentioned. "His room is opposite mine, I kept Merlin company on a bad night."

His surface tension dissolved. "Of course. Yes. Taking time with each person after certain revelations was necessary. I couldn't ignore your outright denial to speak under compulsion. This is your chance without that forcing you. I have found as a result of other situations that it was necessary to guarantee the freedom of expression of engagement in activities and communities currently not legal within the kingdom of Camelot. This has been honoured, and I have no intention of betraying my word against the code. I cannot include you in any further discussions without being clear about where you stand with regard those illegal and persecuted groups."

He spoke slowly and confidently to leave no doubt in Percival's mind of his meaning.

"Illegal. Not unpractised." He snorted, "My walls are somewhat more soundproof than I expected, which is why we are here, not in the council chambers or anywhere else." Arthur leaned against his table. "Sit, pick one, it's undignified to have wobbly knights, and while I could pick any of the others up, but you'd lie there until you got up on your own. Being the size of a tree may useful in battle, but not for that."

Percy shook his head in disbelief, slipping into one of the seats without arms, those never worked for him. "You used… Sire, I think I've misunderstood. It sounded as though you were suggesting that someone in your inner circle had actively been involved in the use of or concealing of magic... And accepting it."

"Both, Percival." For this to work, he couldn't let anyone see any hint of doubt. "You are surprised."

Damn straight he was 'surprised'. "No arrests have been made, or alarms activated. Neither have been in unexpected proximity today."

"I gave them my word. Sir Percival. Do you doubt me?"

"No Sire! I just… haven't encountered this sort of calm reaction in Camelot before." He had, but not from any native Camelotians.

"You have now." Arthur pinned the knight with a look he couldn't decipher.

Percy nodded as the Prince settled in a more elegant chair opposite him. "So. Are you ready to speak, or will you choose to withdraw?" Years of practice had helped Arthur perfect the looking-into-your-soul stare that many of his instructors seemed to have.

"I'm not magic. I don't use magic. I was raised to work the land with hands and heart. My wife grew up differently; her family moved around a lot, mostly running from your father's men, and the bounty hunters in his service. They used it. A lot really. Small things mostly, lighting fires quickly, cleaning spells to save on water when there wasn't much for the camp, mending when they couldn't get the thread."

Arthur's gut churned, he was sure he knew where this was going, and while Percival carefully hadn't mentioned it, Arthur had been his father's man completely.

"I've no idea why she chose me, she could have picked anyone." Arthur knew why,

"But she decided to settle down with me, apparently it's easier to learn to live that way than the other way around, and I'm easy to follow- I improved that after."

"After…?" It was difficult to guess, Percy hadn't had a woman when they met, or since to Arthur's knowledge.

"Their murder. Bounty hunters going to Camelot. Weeks before our first child should have been… They ambushed the camp when she visited the family, I wasn't there because we couldn't afford to lose the harvest." Percy's voice was devoid of any emotion, knowing that if he let it creep in he'd never get through this conversation with the son of the man who was the cause of that persecution.

"I am sorry." To his confusion the Crown Prince knelt before him. "I wasn't there Percival, but I am guilty of the same crimes. Though it can't heal the loss I am truly sorry." Reaching deep Percy dragged up the wishes of his lost love over instinct and grabbed Arthur's shoulder.

"I forgive you."

The simple statement took the Prince's breath away. Whatever he'd expected that wasn't it.

The past couldn't be changed, and he returned the gesture, adopting a more dignified position.

"I see why… Your intent and commitment then cannot be doubted in this particular endeavour. My position on this has been deeply challenged; and changed recently. New, or rather very old information has come to light, and other secrets that were enlightening. I wish to make peace with the Druids. Not conditional on forsaking magic. It is not as simple as that alone, but I would appreciate any advice you have for not accidentally insulting them, also the traditional dress for a respected member of the community- and no, you can't know why." A slow smile spread over Percy's face, there weren't many reasons he'd need that, and he'd as much as confessed his chambers had magic shielding. "In whatever way I may serve you Sire, I will."

"Good."

"Woollen weaves are common, your fine linens and imports would be out of place. Having a servant carry everything wouldn't necessarily help convey a huge shift in your policies."

The Prince's hand twitched, "Merlin won't be attending as my servant, Percival, he has his own orders."

"Does he know them personally Sire?" He watched Arthur's reactions closely, in Camelot, participating in a discussion like this one was a capital crime still.

Arthur frowned, "That is a harder question to answer than you think. The people as a whole seem fractured, scattered; he knows some of them."

Percival forced his muscles to relax. It appeared Merlin had kept that connection quiet still.

"I see. Does he have family among The People?"

Arthur laughed, "Would that it were so simple. Yours is not the only family secret to have come to light Percival, it's up to them how much they share."

The Prince wondered what it would do to Percy if he was informed that Merlin had a better claim to being next in line to the throne of Camelot than Morgana did. He really was fortunate that they had never combined forces against him. If Morgana had had any idea of Merlin's power she would have fought Arthur for him. In the early days, when Arthur was still cruel, and resentful, before his sister became the woman she was now, she would have won. Then she would have deserved to he was certain.

Percival was silent, inhaling sharply as something clicked, and he looked to Arthur wide eyed and slightly paler, "Uh… Merlin didn't happen to mention any names at all, did he? I mean, names are important to the druids."

Arthur raised an eyebrow, "That depends. Do you mean names, or second names."

Percy's hand clenched to stop the quiver of his fingers, 'Well either really. You know what, it's not important, really anything I can do to help Sire, either of you- I- he said something the other night that didn't make much sense unless- but it would if you were what there's a tiny chance you could be..."

Arthur groaned, "Does this theory involve metaphors?"  
"It didn't Sire." Percy stated firmly.

"Good. I'm sick of them. I'm pretty sure the others are too."

Percival nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact with the Prince as he continued, "Anything Merlin asks, you are to answer. No matter how irrelevant or odd it may seem."

"Yes sire." He wondered where Gwaine and Merlin had actually gone, but clearly he wasn't to be trusted with that yet. "Oh and Percy; nothing of any of that leaves this room, or my suspension of executions will become void." The huge knight understood very well. His world felt like it was tilted on its axis, wisps of campfire stories, throwaway comments from Merlin, songs his mother in law sang, all whirling together. He hadn't argued with the man stating he went to the lake of Avalon, but mortals couldn't find it and return, or so common wisdom said.

The stories could be wrong though, couldn't they?


	34. Chapter 33

Gwaine kept up a constant stream of inane drivel until the were out of sight and sound of the city, beyond the treeline where he slowed down. "Other than the place you go to meet your actually Not Dead friend do you have any quiet places for practicing? Drawing extra attention to it isn't very stealthy."

Merlin frowned, "Not really, there's usually not much time, and Morgana and Morgause had spies and their own secret meetings, out here is risky. Seriously, the only totally _safe_ place in Camelot with regards to _humans_ is the Valley of Fallen kings, which has its own dangers."

"Do you trust me?"

Merlin's eyebrows rose, "When it matters, completely." Actually the only thing he didn't trust was Gwaine's assertion that a drink would do him no harm when he handed it to his friend.

"Good, follow me. There's a clearing that is heavily guarded up to the west here, I'll never find it on my own, but I'll get us close enough for you to do that easily, the wards are set to only hide it fully from those who mean harm. If Princess asks, I know nothing about this one." He winked.

Merlin grumbled "You couldn't have told me about this before?"

Gwaine only shrugged. "You're Arthur's right hand, whether he admits it or not. Had to be sure it was safe. Suspicion wasn't enough. Even certainty of your _gifts_ didn't mean you couldn't agree with him about some things. I'm reliably informed there's a 'path' folk like yourself can follow."

Merlin closed his eyes, centring himself and feeling the faint tickle, "Yeah, it's there."  
"I don't think you're supposed to sense it yet mate."

"I'm not supposed to do a lot of things." He grinned, "Those wards need reinforcing."

"I take no responsibility for you fucking with the arrangement if we irritate the official users."

Focused on the path Merlin missed the last part and nodded absently "That's fine, you barely take responsibility for picking up the shit in your own chambers."

As they got closer the waves of surprise got more obvious and Merlin turned his mount to face Gwaine, hissing at him. " _Gwaine! Tell me this isn't a druid's camp or training spot."_

"Problem? It's invisible. As is anyone within the circle."

" _Gwaine,_ I'm bloody _Emrys,_ if _they_ are there I'll get _nothing_ done."

"Merlin. Consider it practice. Maybe two or three of them, you go in, and you ask politely and firmly to use the space. You are as close to a king as they ever have, and they aren't going to complain. I expected it to be empty at this time though, so sorry about that. Some of us can't read minds." the knight smirked.

Merlin's brows knit together, "I don't do that Gwaine, it's… I don't spy on folk naked either, or look without permission."

"No; but you _could_. So thanks I guess. Must have been tempting on occasion. Not often. There's a lot that you _could_ do and don't. If I thought you _were_ the sort I wouldn't joke that way."

Apparently the warlock glare was less effective when used on Gwaine. "You utter git, you couldn't have checked it was free first?"

"Oi! Can't find it without you, remember?"

Merlin sighed. It was easy to _get_ angry at Gwaine but very hard to _stay_ angry at him. He was probably right about the practice. "Come on then, they already know I'm here. It's a bit late for being shy. Trixie, just follow the way to the sweetest grass."

He guided them through the last bit calmly, no point in panicking, only ever panic _after_ the situation isn't pressing he reminded himself.

Gwaine followed closely behind, shivering as the seemed to pass some invisible barrier, the wards he assumed. As soon as he dismounted he scoped the glade. There were four of them, two men, one woman, and a girl; all of them were staring intensely at Merlin, two having bent the knee. Quite rightly as far as Gwaine was concerned but Merlin looked horribly awkward about the whole thing, with his eyes darting between them, making Gwaine think the silence was only what _he_ was hearing.

His friend caught his eye as Gwaine waited quietly. "You're being uncharacteristically quiet there."  
"My mam taught me it was rude to interrupt."

Merlin's surprise was obvious, "You heard that?"  
The knight snorted in amusement "No; but you did."

The warlock cocked his head, "You caught what was happening?"  
Gwaine rolled his eyes, "How do you think I stayed alive so long living the way I did, seriously? If I was _that_ stupid I'd've died years ago in a bar-fight for something meaningless."

"Thanks Gwaine." Merlin muttered, stepping forward to greet them properly, "Isildur, I'm so glad it's just you. I didn't expect this to be busy or I'd have found somewhere else, but we're due back early and I've no time to find a better place now. I need try something out here that requires fewer... _alive..._ people in the vicinity, not that it takes much energy to shield anyone, but the split in concentration is bad for first time attempts at anything and _this one_ has no shield."

Isildur bowed his head. "We'll give you two hours alone here. Please don't destroy it all. I see you've finally brought someone with you willingly."

"Gwaine is hard to shake. You are correct though, I have begun to make arrangements and the other half of the coin is aware of who I am, _what I am_."

"I had wondered after you commandeered our dreams the other night. Thank you for being cautious by the way, my young niece picked up on it. Her mother came with us to spar."

Merlin looked as indicated to the woman on her knees and groaned, "Oh _gods_ , don't do that, come on, up, please. I'm not some royal prat who needs bowing or sweet words, is the girl ok?"

"Um, yes Emrys, she was merely surprised. At least now we know she has the Gift." Merlin nodded, "This is my husband Emrys, he wished to practice a skill we haven't used for a while." She indicated the second man.

"Yeah, I'll check next time and avoid overlapping, but I really do have to use the space and would be concerned about injuring someone, no matter how skilled a healer Isildur is. The last thing he needs is extra work."

The man rose and closed the distance to stand next to his wife. "We'll leave you to your business Emrys. If a knight can enter this space now you have restored my faith that the days of Albion may indeed draw near. It is an honour to meet you My Lord. Blessed be." He bowed and pulled his wife with him, Merlin catching his glance of fond exasperation as the woman tried not to look too star-struck and cooperate.

Isildur caught the girl who had darted back to him, "This is Eithne, turns out she has a history lesson we've forgotten that cannot wait. Good luck Emrys. I shall be present at the council. Perhaps next time you could make the summons a _little_ quieter." His eyes twinkled.

Merlin smiled "I'll try, but I can attest that there are far more disturbing ways to wake, and Kilgarrah can shout louder."

The druid grunted his agreement, "The Great Dragon can drown out the river when he wants to."

"Yes. Imagine it mentally, when he feels ignored or hard done by." Merlin shuddered.

"No thanks, being woken or summoned by _Emrys_ is quite enough." Huffed the druid.

"Fine, I'll practice that too. Enjoy the history lesson- oh, and you and I _need_ to arrange some of those urgently, there have been some new developments."

"So I gathered. If you can guarantee he will not bring harm to my Clan I would be willing to meet with the Once and Future King should you ask it."

Merlin glanced down to the girl at the elder's side. "Then we'll set a meeting place. Separate from the camp if you prefer it; unless you would be willing to have two of our friends wait with the people. Gwaine here, and at least one of the others would willingly leave their weapons in your care. No harm will come to you."

"Don't mislead them if you are to bring them into my home Emrys. _You_ are always welcome, but our past experiences with certain 'friends' has taught me caution even with that."

Old guilt stirred in him, "And I, Isildur. Any _friends_ with us would be specifically chosen for their sympathies, Gwaine here knew of this place and crossed the wards with me. You need not fear him."

Isildur nodded thoughtfully, "Meet with me before the council is held. The tide is changing, and we all feel it. Albion is holding its breath Emrys...take the place you were _meant_ to hold."

The two druids walked from the glade and vanished from normal sight as they crossed the wards.

"You know mate, I think they want to help you. Come on. We're starting with matched long knives. Learn to use two hands together, move your body with better awareness. You might want to swap out one knife later for one side magic, one side steel. Or use knives only as a backup option. I've seen you with a sword, and we can work on it but that's not going to be _your_ weapon unless it's a very specific one. Did Arthur ever tell you which points to watch on a body to know their next movements? No? _Bastard._ You don't want to be defending _only_ in the moment. Every warrior should learn to _anticipate_ the next move. _You_ always have an escape option in mind, almost always crazy, but mostly they work, and we already knew you were mad."

Merlin held the long knives looking at them and frowning. "I'm not a warrior Gwaine."

"You're not exactly a simple farmer anymore either Merlin. We've fought immortal armies, the undead, mercenaries and bad guys. You've taken down the High priestess, Sigan if the story was true, the great dragon _before_ he called you Lord; and are preparing to face the Witch and whatever she brings with her. Being willing to fight for your home and survival isn't a bad thing Merlin. All you are deciding here is whether to do it _well_ and effectively, or ineptly and at a disadvantage. How many lessons on strategy do you think Morgana managed to steal, hours she watched and listened to the knights instruction? She has years of education in this on you Merlin, and a detailed knowledge of Camelot's weaknesses already. In structure and in its people. You are in control of yourself, and the weapons Merlin. Is Arthur wrong for this determination to fight for his home? Am _I_ evil?" Gwaine raised an eyebrow, daring Merlin to refuse, knowing he couldn't. He grinned as Merlin's hands tightened on the hilts and his friend laughed, "This doesn't mean I've decided for sure that _you_ aren't evil, Gwaine, I could be persuaded you know."  
"Well I _am_ devilishly handsome, so I've been told."

"You're an ass." It was almost a reflex by now.

Unruffled the knight only adjusted his grip on his own weapons. "Yeah, but you love me anyway."  
Merlin sighed, "Gods help me, I do, Gaius might be right about that serious mental defect after all."

"Aye. You might want to be careful with those Merlin. Those aren't just any old knives."

"Gwaine! What the hell did you do? What are these things?"

The ex-rogue smirked at him smugly, "They're the Princess's old knives."

Merlin almost dropped them in shock. " _WHAT?!"_

"Seems he 'found' some of his old training weapons and reckoned you might need 'em." Gwaine grinned at his friend, aware that the quality would initially have entirely bypassed Merlin, there was no way a servant could ever afford the material for those blades, let alone the craftsmanship. He couldn't wait to see the look on Merlin's face at the rest.

Arthur hadn't said anything when he brought those down earlier. Hadn't even been caught, but Gwaine knew his weapons, and _these_ were no armoury spares, as he'd confirmed during training. If he didn't think it would get him six weeks of an unpleasant patrol duty Gwaine might have called Arthur's concern sweet.

"Now that I have your full attention, practice time. You can get your revenge when Princess let's you scare the shit out of the knights and includes you in sparring for real."

"Something is very wrong with you Gwaine."

"Probably. Stop trying to delay things, or I'll go first. No magic this time, learn the skills without it first. I've seen dark magic that can dampen or cancel other powers. Never leave yourself defenceless, that would make you and idiot and I _really_ don't want to have to agree with Princess. Don't make me that guy."

Merlin stopped resisting. Avoidance hadn't been working well for them before. Gwaine was right. If Merlin _had_ to stop being 'just a peasant farmer', and become Merlin; right hand of the Once and Future King, he was going to do it fucking properly and have fun with it.

He'd always assumed that he'd die young, probably violently,as most youths with magic did, and it had instilled a thick streak of determination to live in the moment; one that hadn't been particularly reduced by discovering his immortality. If anything that had made him more reckless and determined to wring out every drop of happiness he could.

Morgana could bring it.

She'd be met by Emrys and The King.

Gwaine saw the moment his friend's resolve crystallised and felt a wave of relief.

Merlin needed to learn to fight confidently without being entirely reliant on his magic, but it mattered to the knight that he wasn't forgotten as a person and treated as an asset. Violence made Merlin recoil naturally, but he recognised its necessity and had always acted on behalf of his family and home.

Gwaine wasn't naive, he knew Merlin wouldn't always have someone at his side. He'd fought alone for years, not something that should be a source of shame, but he was too used to it. After so long, old habits would die hard, and he'd slip, or not realise something was important before he'd acted. Learning the physical skills also gave him a cover if someone he didn't want to _know_ about the magic questioned his position, or survival in battles he _shouldn't_ survive without it- and there were more than enough examples of those already. An oath to a dragon was binding, and it would be easier to fulfil with Merlin's cooperation.

"Begin." he called.

Merlin followed the order.

The vaults were dark, not only literally, but with the oppressive concentration of dangerous magical objects, some that reacted with others, some weapons, others cursed; even ghosts were careful _there_ , and the deeper you went, the more dangerous things were.

The caverns held magic and memories that went back far further than any mere lifetime.

Nothing was stored properly, carelessly wrapped or misplaced. Some didn't make sense. Extremely powerful artifacts next to dull exotic lamps, misaligned crystals that made even _him_ twitchy, a thousand year old staff next to a cure for baldness

Oh, Lachlan found _plenty_ , though he did find a couple of his own things on the way and resolved to ensure _those_ got back to an appropriate owner.

He'd fully intended to dictate a map to Merlin first, but those changed things. His _own_ belongings made it worth leading the man down personally. Especially since the coat had no _magic_ at all; almost. It was just designed for a dragonlord and could be flown in, unlike normal cloaks. The specially made leather provided slight padding for crashes or wind. The lacing ensuring it wouldn't just flap and blow away or pose a choking hazard, sleeveless for freedom of movement.

The family coat of arms it bore was wrong, that should be Balinor's, but he'd no idea what happened to any of _his_ , and this was better than nothing. A shorter version would have been better suited to Emrys, but while almost all dragonlords flew from time to time, few attempted the same kind of stunts the kid did. It was the same reason Balinor had modified his own though, wearing the long version only in battles to cover any vital arteries. Sanity had never been their strongest trait; even for dragonlords they had thrill issues.

It had been a huge relief to find that the cup of life was absent from the collection, along with several other objects Uther had _wanted_. He couldn't see any dragon forged swords needing rescued, which had been a possible concern.

Seeing things laid out so abstractly was disturbing, these had all been things he had seen used in life, either casually or in sacred rituals. It still felt _wrong_ seeing some things that had been for the women-only rituals, and why an _ink set_ was locked away was anyone's guess.

He did find too many things needing fixed, or changed to but those would need to be organised by priority. Times like this not being able to use writing implements was a real pain in the neck.

Merlin ached all over. He'd thought _Arthur_ was tough on him, pushed to breaking point. Right now he seemed like the epitome of a merciful and benevolent master with anything but a mace.

"I hate you."

"I know."

"No, Really. I _hate you._ "

"Yep. I know."

"What the _ever-loving fuck_ did you just do to me?"

"What Arthur does to the boys that turn up sure they are going to walk into knighthoods.

You're just feeling the difference between actually training your reactions and body, and him using you as a stress reliever or teaching you a crisis response to stay alive without it being noticed by experienced eyes. _Or_. _Exactly what I was told to_. You're bloody strong under all that, farmwork and physical labour develops strength, you just need to learn technique and speed. You've got the basics already, you just haven't been made to think about them before and refined it. Not a problem facing most folk, but Morgana isn't going to be fielding your average bandits, and the _Catha WILL_ know the difference. The first few days are the worst mate, like learning to ride. You did well."

"I think I might be dead."

Gwaine snorted, "I doubt it. You're way too mouthy for a dead guy."

"Nope. This is definitely what being dead feels like."

"I'd offer to put you out of your misery but you said pain still works."

Merlin rolled his eyes."Yeah. Thanks for that Gwaine."

"You're welcome. We're going back by the river, we're neither of us fresh, and _you_ are supposed to serve Princess tonight."  
Merlin groaned deeply.  
"How am I supposed to do that when I can't feel my arms?"  
"Magic?" Gwaine suggested innocently.

"Fuck off. I'd never live it down." Arthur would be absolutely insufferable if he did.

"Pain killing spell?"

Merlin snorted, he was pretty sure his magic would consider this self inflicted pain and leave him to suffer. "Yeah, if I could make them work reliably on myself. My magic's a bloody masochist. Not naturally inclined towards healing- that takes effort."

Gwaine looked over at his friend, "Your magic is an idiot."

Merlin burst out laughing at the seriousness of Gwaine's declaration and groaned as the muscles protested.

"It is. It _really_ is sometimes. Feels like someone relentlessly trying to teach me a lesson without telling me what it is, just _hoping_ I might cotton on eventually."

The older man tilted his head, "It heals you though, that's something, and you know how to make really revolting concoctions that work. Perhaps it's trying to teach you to be more careful."

"Unfortunately I am also burdened with the curse of knowledge, it makes it _so_ much worse when you make it yourself. Urgh!"

"Never tell me." Gwaine grimaced and mock shuddered, "I am absolutely ok with being ignorant of those horrors as long as humanly possible."

"I'm saving it. Are you going to do this to me again?"

"Yes." Gwaine stated unequivocally.

"How long for?"

"Daily for the next fortnight as per the Princess' instructions, then until I'm satisfied you can stay alive long enough to save you if some evil witch figures out a way to disrupt your magic."

Merlin felt chilled, "They can do that?" He hadn't realised until recently it was possible for anyone at all, and he'd never met anyone as strong as himself. Many with much more experience or learning, but not raw power.

"It depends. Merlin, I've seen magic used for beautiful things, _good_ things, but there's darkness to everything; hemlock to thyme, fresh water to corrupted, dark magic to light and neutral. Dragons aren't the only creatures of the old religion. I don't know about them, names, how they're used, where they would be, only that they exist. Morgana doesn't seem like the type to shy away from something extreme, or dangerous. Hell, it might even make it more appealing. Not a risk worth taking. Average sorcerer, not a chance. Dark High Priestess, _maybe_. Never heard of one of those before. Last one turned, but it wasn't like _her._ " Gwaine shifted uncomfortably, doom and calamity really wasn't his forte.

"No." Merlin murmured, "Cycles, always in patterns, somewhere this has happened before. Just have to find it."

"Find what Merlin?" Gwaine frowned, going carelessly after some artefact wasn't like Merlin,

"The pattern." His eyes looked unfocused.

"Merlin? Merlin! Focus! Forget patterns just now, time's up. Poor Trixie is still waiting, remember?"

He blinked as though returning from some other place. "Mmm, yeah. Yeah she's probably getting itchy feet by now."

Gwaine looked him over critically, "Are you alright mate?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Fine. Just got distracted for a minute. Nothing important. Are these really Arthur's old knives?"

Gwaine eyed his friend with suspicion, not buying it for a second, but allowing him the avoidance for now to think things over. "They really were. Look at the etching, it's the symbol of his house. We need to sort out some kind of light armour for you, look, I know that it's not a good question, but do you scar?"

Merlin winced. "Not always. Depends on healing time, if I have to try and keep it slow sometimes, most of the really acute ones, or things that _should be._ Don't worry, I keep the spell to cover it up most of the time."

"Don't slow it for me. Is holding that not draining?" His friend frowned.

"No, 'course not, but I'm not _that_ stupid anyway."

Gwaine raised a brow dubiously but didn't argue. "So?"

"Anchored it to the neckerchief."

"You have magical _neckerchiefs?"_

"Most of them." Merlin rolled his eyes at Gwaine's amusement, "What? Like invisibility cloaks were _less_ weird? Or dancing shoes? Or- you know what, no. Yes. My name is Merlin, and I have magic neckerchiefs."

"Uhuh. Can I have one?"

He looked at his friend curiously, most people would try to avoid them on the confession. "Depends. What would you use it for?"

"Well… some bloke once told me they were useful for all sorts of things."

"Oh gods Gwaine. No. No you may _not_ misuse one of my neckies… Bring me something that's actually _yours_ and I'll enchant it any way you like that isn't immoral and won't result in a gruesome public death or bloody coup."

"Aww. Fine. Can you enchant my cape to ripple heroically without the weather mattering?"

"Fine." He rolled his eyes.

"What about my boots to be more waterproof?"

Merlin's lips twisted upwards, "I'll think about it. I'm not sure you deserve comfort after what you've done to me."

"Almost definitely not. Only 'cause we care though."

"He shouldn't." The Warlock gaze dropped and Gwaine sighed.

"You can't think like that Merlin."

"You don't know what I've done Gwaine."

"Everyone makes mistakes." He answered calmly. Powerful men's actions had proportionate effects for good and ill, he knew that well.

"Not everyone causes deaths of innocents. I released the Great dragon Gwaine. I murdered The High Priestess on the Blessed Isle."

The knight sighed. "Aye, I know; and one day you'll tell me the story. I don't know what deals with devils and moral dilemmas you've been living but I'm sure it wasn't a decision made _lightly_. Honestly I'm surprised you didn't do it sooner."

The colour drained from Merlin's face as he swallowed, "You trust me that much? How could you possibly know that I…?"

"Yeah. I do. Come on mate, it's not hard. There wasn't another powerful witch or warlock in Camelot at the time, Kilgarrah while he was imprisoned wasn't going to have many visitors. Only one I know who's reckless enough to walk into a dragon's cave and try to make friends is you. You met your father once and came back a dragonlord, but you couldn't exactly command him before. Someone set the Great dragon free, and had to be in Camelot to do it. Couldn't have without magic, and the dragon's still alive but stopped going near the city- or humans. Arthur probably worked it out, if he hasn't- let's face it, he _does_ tend to miss the obvious- he _will_.

The questing beast. You didn't just wake up and think 'Oh, I fancy taking out a high priestess today' and away to the Blessed isle on a daunder, did you. You messed with the balance mate, no one just _does_ that without consequence. Hardly anyone _could._ Always has to be a reeeeally good reason. Or no awareness of meaning and a helluva lot of power."

"Gwaine, How do you know that?"

"Told you didn't I? Stupid men die fast in times like these. Information is more valuable than gold some places, and campers _really_ like a good story. Your name never came up about the Priestess, but there weren't many of those left to go around, and everyone knows what a questing beast means. Only one way out of that. Going through this kinda country, knowing what'll kill for sure is useful. Avoid it for the shit that _might, probably_ kill you. Questing beast or giant scorpion? Take the giant scorpion. Bandits or magic? I have none, so the bandits'll do me fine thanks. Easy. All about priorities mate. Mine was staying alive." The knight said as thought it should be obvious.

"So normal folk outside just know this stuff?" It was a terrifying thought.

Gwaine shrugged. "Nah. Probably not. _Travellers_ know, practicers of the Old religion know- no idea how Morgana remains ignorant, educated men and women without the censorship of Camelot will put it together. Most of the folk who've settled down or not returned from full exile won't have enough of the pieces to make sense of it. They'll know magic is back. That's about it. Caerleon needed me to know who _not_ to piss off accidentally. Your Dad was on the list. I think he figured that even Uther wasn't crazy enough to keep a dragon in the cellar if he was convinced there was no chance of controlling him. So was Nimue. Not that she ever showed up, but it was important enough apparently not to risk being connected to someone who fucked with her, so not just a normal sorceress. There are dark magic ways of negating normal sorcerers magic. Don't know if it works on warlocks and witches. Never asked."

Merlin made a disgusted sound, " _That's_ what you decided not to question?"

"I don't have any mate. Didn't occur that I'd need to know." Gwaine offered by way of explanation.

Merlin sighed. "Yeah, I never thought I'd need to know courtly graces. We all get blindsided. Some more than most."

"Says the man who accidentally dragged me into a prophesied legend."

"Now that's unfair Gwaine. Dragging implies _force_. I _invited_ you and you have terrible impulse control. You should work on that. It's bad for your health."

"No point living until you're eighty if you never actually do anything, at least nothing _good_." Gwaine smiled crookedly at his friend.

"True. Just promise me you'll _try_. You're the only one except Gaius who knows, I think, but I'm going to have to say goodbye to far too many people. Don't be _too_ stupid."

"On my honour."

Merlin raised a brow. "I've got some now. Never swore on my sobriety or celibacy, you're good."

His friend chuckled, "Sure you do. I don't need any flowery oaths Gwaine. You're always there when it matters, haven't let me down yet, even when you're not at my side. I don't tag just anyone to make finding them possible. Only ever did that with you and Lancelot. Would have with Will but back then I'd no idea it was possible. I could do way better now, the first is clumsily done, painfully so."  
"You learn to use those knives in a coordinated fashion and I'll let you redo it so no-one sees your first go at _that_."

"Deal."

Gwaine reached down and pulled Merlin to his feet, ignoring the cursing. At least he wasn't actually _cursing him._

Mounting the horses was an agony he did _not_ need, but at least it had done a good job of keeping his mind off other things.

Riding jolted abused muscles just enough to keep him from getting lost in thought before the river stop.

"You know I could just clean us with a spell right?"

"Yeah, but it wouldn't feel as good and we're not without options right now. Let's save that one, ay?" Merlin looked troubled but nodded, acknowledging silently that there would be a time they did _not_ have options. Dismounting was even harder.

"It's not that I don't trust you to use it on me mate, I just prefer a proper bath. So do you."

"Uhm, Gwaine, this one isn't enchanted. I really wouldn't."

"So cast it or I'll turn around. I'm not about to ask."

"Really?... do I have your word on that?"

Gwaine caught the note of vulnerability in Merlin's voice, not one he heard often, for whatever reason his answer mattered to Merlin.

"Yeah, I don't break promises to friends." He shucked out of his top layer and boots, glancing up at the warlock. "Up to you. I'm going back less gross."

Merlin ran his hands through his hair looking conflicted, and chose, beginning to methodically remove everything, as Gwaine had before plunging into the river he kept his lips pressed together, heart racing. It was nothing, and yet everything.

Gwaine's eyes widened momentarily as he saw Merlin spell-free, and the warlock prepared for the comment or questions he knew were coming, and was met with nothing.

"You coming in or not? You'll freeze standing butt naked in the open, and a pale streak like you reflects the sun, far too easy a target to stray arrows."

No mention of any marks or demand for explanations. He knew he'd have no choice with Arthur. This time he just felt something loosen in him and splashed into the water grinning widely. He'd covered them in front of Lancelot because the man worried so much, and thankfully didn't know what Emrys _meant._ He didn't want to give him _more_ reason to worry.

Checking there were no watchers Merlin's eyes flashed, and the river surged, a huge wave overtaking Gwaine and drenching the knight. Merlin lost his footing as he laughed, the soaking well worth it after past water fights he'd left the rivers alone. He could swear the river was giggling though.

"Ooh, you will _pay_ for that! You cheating little-stay still!"

When they did get out he felt a little less sore, as though his magic had decided he didn't have to suffer with _no_ relief after he used it.

For one beautiful minute in time Merlin felt at _peace._

Then the world began to move normally again, but this time when he redressed he forgot he wasn't alone and didn't have to cover anything.

Riding back there wasn't much of their usual banter, but there wasn't any _need_ for it either to connect without sharing anything outside the present. They stopped along the way for him to collect certain ingredients that he had promised Gaius and Merlin listed a bunch of purposes for each as his friend made noises of acknowledgement. Harvesting was their cover anyway.

Gwaine watched the freer look of his friend in wonder, the smile more open than it had been before. Merlin had always been cheerier than most, but there was a relaxed vibe, which was often missing with others present or he was more aware of differences. The 'happy drunk' was far too familiar with that to think it was all there was to anyone. It was a vital _part_ of them, just not _all._ Seeing the _other_ parts of Merlin felt like a privilege. He wanted to know about the scars. Gods did he _want_ to know that, but he meant it when he swore acceptance and not to ask. Shutting up actually often invited more from someone like Merlin anyway than poking with a stick. Or goading.

Merlin would have to spend the next few hours as 'just' a servant, so Gwaine let Emrys rest and consider what had happened before he was plunged back into _that._

Back at the stables, as Merlin The Manservant he had to change faces and Gwaine wasn't really supposed to help them put the horses away, but the stable boys were happy to take over and got on well with Merlin when he wasn't doing their jobs.

"Oh, I almost forgot, Gaius wanted to speak to you. I told him I'd pass along the message."

"Yeah? Unfortunately I'm terribly allergic to old men. Late onset you know, but they cause mood swings, blurred vision, and uh...itching."

"Riiight. Well, you can tell him that yourself when you see him. I'm not telling him that _you_ think he's toxic to. I'm not _disagreeing_ with you, but you're a big boy and can fight your own fucking battles."

"You know I did try that once, but it turns out the twain should never be joined. At least not without a good deal of rope. Talking of rope, do you have any I could-"

Seeing where this was going Merlin held up a hand, interrupting; "Nope. All of the nope Gwaine. Now _or ever."  
_ "Awww."

"I need my rope."

Gwaine buckled laughing as Merlin flashed him a cheeky wink and left whistling.


	35. Chapter 34

Merlin didn't make it as far as Arthur before an excited looking ghost found him, "Oh good. I was just wondering how to make things more complicated. What are you doing here? I'm supposed to be working."

"What? Can't you multitask?"

Merlin grumbled. "Yes but if anyone else goes past I look like a crazy person talking to myself."

"You already look like a crazy person Emrys, have publicly claimed a serious mental problem, why am I what would give you away?"

"Oh my gods, I don't have time for this, seriously why are you here now- and if they really believed it I would not be allowed to help the physician."

"Because I did the thing you asked me to do and there are certain items, and problems you should know about." Lachlan looked up as two maids closed on them, "Drat, it is too busy for this. You'll have to come down later, when it's easier to get into the vaults."

"OI! Wait, I'm supposed to see Gwen tonight, I'm busy. You can't make demands like that without warning."

"You do. I'll see you when she releases you." Merlin wondered how long they'd been watching him...and how fast ghost gossip worked.

"When she-? No, she's not mine, Gwen's a friend, just a friend, Arthur would probably have me executed for even thinking of her like that, and she's like a sister. A really annoying sister who has blackmail material, and is not afraid to use it. She's like absinthe, sweet and deadly."

"I thought you liked deadly." he smirked.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "You got me. I have a thing for people who could kill me. Gwen wouldn't." he drawled.

Lachlan gave him a strange look. "Maybe. Beware of the Lady. She loved the Lady Morgana, they were very close. That will wait though, unimportant. Serve the King now, see Guinivere after, then vaults, and studying."

He glared at the ex-dragonlord, "I hate you all."

"No you don't."

"No. I don't." he sighed, it would be so much easier if he could, "Aren't the living supposed to fear the dead?" Merlin asked accusingly.

The dragonlord smirked, "Aren't the living supposed to be separate from the dead? Are those who die not supposed to respectfully stay dead? 'Supposed to' is useless. It does not apply to you. Or rather human rules do not. Something closer to dragon rules does, or the demigods and nature spirits. Whatever. You'll work it out when you've time."

Merlin glared at the ghost, resenting the added comments about rules and how alarmingly atypical they seemed to be for him. "Why are you still here? Go! Shoo, before you're caught." The ghost raised an eyebrow pointedly at him and Merlin leaned his head against the stone, "Fine, make me the crazy person!" he muttered.

The maids who walked by them looked concerned at the man leaning against the wall but continued on their way. Sleep deprivation did strange things to a person and they all knew the apprentice physician- Prince's manservant certainly hadn't had much of it recently.

When he finally got to Arthur's chambers, the Prince was surrounded by messages and parchments and was jolted out of his reverie by Merlin accidentally slamming the door, relieved at the lack of extra company.

Arthur relaxed back in his seat. "Merlin? You're looking… something. What is it that people say when they mean something different?"

"A lie sire. We call it a lie. I look like I've been battered, swimming, riding through country with no trails, and decanted here confused. Possibly slightly manic. Or ragey."

"Yes, that certainly is one way of describing- for god's sake Merlin, sit down before you fall down and make the rest of my floor as muddy as you are. You're cleaning is half hearted at best, do us both a favour by not making more work."

His intended "I'm fine, totally fine," came out as a strained "Thanks Arthur," As he dropped into a far less elegant chair than his master's.

Arthur smiled, a hint of sadistic glee showing through, "It looks like Gwaine did as I asked."  
"Yeah. He said that. Why do squires stay Arthur? Why don't they all leave when you do this to them?"

"Lots of reasons." the prat said blandly. "Did the weapons work?"  
Merlin smiled gently at the prince who pretended he didn't notice, "They helped. I certainly haven't anything of my own like that. Mother didn't have anything. We didn't have anything. I wish I'd known before what she gave up."

"Don't Merlin. You can't carry guilt for choices others have made, or undermine their willing sacrifices. If she regretted it, if she wanted you to know, she'd have told you. Choosing you over things, position or possessions, was the right decision; and those weapons are your own. At least until I can have some made to your measurements."

Merlin ducked his head, happiness bubbling underneath his stress. "Thanks Arthur. I think there might have been an actual compliment in there. Are you sure you're alright? No bad knocks to the head earlier or problems with Percy?"

"Shut up Merlin. No, no problems. I'm...nice… to you sometimes. Mostly unintentionally, but that was arguably a deliberate effort."  
Merlin fidgeted, staying still with magic swirling under his skin was hard at the best of times.

"I wish I knew what happened to my father's stuff. I've never had the time to go back and look at his cave, he seemed to be living with an absolute minimum, and I don't know what dragonlords generally carried. Some things should definitely not be left lying around though, and I wondered if they were hidden, or if Uther destroyed it all. I've never seen anything, and I knew the area around Ealdor inside out. Cave system and all."  
There was a lull as they both reflected on the various problems. "We could go back. Ride out that way." Arthur offered; generously he thought.  
"Uh, Arthur, I'm not sure it's a good idea. I mean, you told me not to cry over- over that- and Camelot was in danger, we couldn't stop, and then you knew he was a sorcerer. He doesn't have a grave and I don't know if I can… I never got to bury or burn him, ok? I can't go back when I just left his body there. Anywhere else sire, anywhere at all."

The prince dragged a hand down his face and was silent for a long moment. "We need to find out from Gaius and your friend what a proper ceremony would involve. I've enough unsettling spirits wandering about. Let's make sure your father at least can go to his rest."  
Merlin's face changed to the blank, emotionless mask the prat now finally understood as when he was feeling things most intensely and needed the thickest armour. "Sire, it's illegal to mark our graves."

Arthur winced at the way Merlin said 'our', clearly he expected no special treatment that way even now the prince knew his status, the resigned acceptance decided him. "As of tomorrow that will no longer be the case."

"Arthur?" Merlin looked at him bewildered.

"No one should go to the next world unmarked. I can't overhaul the laws on magic in a day, and I don't believe it would necessarily be wise to do so, but I can introduce changes as regent, small things at first. It might be enough to help reassure them that I am serious. I wouldn't make any changes so big without proper research first, it's not just because it's magic."

Merlin nodded, there was wisdom in the prince's words, though he wouldn't watch any more executions for having magic, he couldn't now that Arthur knew. "You really think the council will agree to this?"

The Prince waved his hand dismissively, "I really don't care whether they do or not. If it's slid in under something about money and we make them feel like they won some vague victory they'll never notice until it's done anyway." Men who could be bought were the easiest to manipulate. It felt wrong to plot this way, but it was more alarming to realise that some such men did sit on the council. For now it was safer to keep them where he could see them.

"Thank you." Merlin's gratitude was almost lost in the shocked tone he couldn't hide.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Please don't thank me for meeting the bare minimum for human decency Merlin. It embarrasses us both."

His servant-warlock shrugged, "Hey, you're a prince. Meeting a bare minimum for human decency is already putting you as the best of the lot."

"Am I less of a royal ass now?" Arthur folded his arms across his chest, and Merlin pretended to consider it, "Well, your ass is bigger, so no. Maybe a less of a prat though."

"Merlin! I am not fat!"

His servant smirked, "I said you had a generous arse, how is that the same as fat? I'm sure it very-um- muscular?"  
"You've been looking?" Arthur turned an odd colour.

"No. Just at an unfortunate height when you are mounting- horses, dammit. Bloody Gwaine. He gets in your head. I do your mending anyway, I know what splits, you don't fool me."

Arthur's outrage faded, replaced by a look of bemusement. "Mending. By hand."

"Yeeeees, how else would I do it sire?"

The prince threw up his hands in exasperation, "Oh I don't know, maybe with the very illegal thing that you can apparently use for most activities and purposes."  
"But mending, Arthur? That would be such a boring thing to be executed for. I only ever did that when there was too much to do or a nefarious plot to foil. I mean if it was a toss-up between finishing chores, and stopping an assassin, I'd cheat on the chores and end the threat, but otherwise I usually prefer to do them 'normally'. Mum never let me cheat either. All the big stuff is for saving lives, and muscle wastage sucks."

"And by 'end the threat' you mean?"

Merlin's voice came out brittle, "What would you do to stop an assassin, or a sorceress bent on vengeance who wouldn't listen to reason? How do you end threats to your kin and kingdom Arthur?"

It was the answer he was expecting but Arthur still grimaced, "Next time tell me. If we coordinate things it'll be less risky. You're no good to me if they execute you for defending us with magic. What did you do with the bodies that you haven't been caught yet?"

Well that was awkward.

"Uhn, different things. Often final confrontations weren't within castle walls so no one noticed, I'm the physicians apprentice so it wasn't so suspicious to see me with or next to any body- and I swear I use that to save people more than anything, it's just a coincidental advantage. Traders do sometimes come to the city for the market, and some of my opponents were not human. Others fell in open combat, and if that was on patrols and such, knights made assumptions so no questions were asked."

Arthur nodded somberly, he'd made enough of those assumptions. "What does non human mean?"

Merlin sighed, looking away from the prince's gaze or he'd hold back, "Exactly that. There are many different creatures in Albion, and beyond Arthur. The Sidhe have tried twice to get rid of you, Katrina the troll, there are pixies, and faye circles, wisps- those are extremely rare- the chimera type species, the dragons- those are all sentient of course, there's plenty purely animalistic. Many I don't know and haven't seen, others I have. Most species don't seem to care about human affairs if we stay out of theirs. Some really do. Uther attracted a lot of attention fucking around with the natural magic, trying to drain it, he poisoned the land and the water, made a lot of enemies in nature and abroad. It made this place draw things in that were more instinct than higher thought with the hordes of magical items and relics….and spilled blood. Kilgarrah and Morgana- and then me I guess- stand out like a beacon. Some non humans don't leave bodies the way humans do Arthur."

Arthur nodded seriously, "But dragonlords do. So we will find out what you must do. What about yourself Merlin. Which are you?" He asked in a soft voice, head tilting.

It was almost a cruel question, but it was one that did need an answer after so much deception from so many people. Ironically Merlin wasn't the one who had been most dishonest, despite living as half of himself and lying about everything to do with that one specific issue.

He'd been just as badly manipulated as Arthur had. The prince hoped this would give him some closure about Balinor and the losses there.

"I don't know." Merlin voice was almost too quiet to hear, but it did not waver. "I feel human. I don't think or feel differently as far as I can tell, but a Warlock is not a sorcerer, and a 'creature of the old religion' is not a reassuring term. If I gave you the answer I feel and want to be the truth, I might be later shown to be wrong. Destiny seems to have a personal grudge against me."

"Fuck destiny. Human until further notice then, and fair warning that we might be wrong." Growled the Prince.

Merlin cocked an eyebrow at his words, "Did someone bring you bad ale Arthur?"

His oblivious "No, why?" was almost believable.

"No reason. Just checking sire."

Looking Merlin over and noting the familiar stiffness of movement Arthur nodded his satisfaction, "I'm rather glad I kept those old knives now." he mused. "Has Gwaine shown you the rest yet?"

"The rest Arthur? What rest."

Arthur smiled widely. "That's a no then. You can't have only long knives, there should be sufficient to cover your non magical requirements. Anyway, speaking to Sir Percival was certainly interesting. He is under orders to answer any questions you may have about the druids. You know about his family, didn't you."

Merlin shrugged, it was difficult sitting with Arthur this way, he could usually potter about sorting things. They never sat as equals to talk, at least not in the castle, and it felt unnatural to do so. "Not for long. He told me about her, I told him about someone I lost."

"Will you tell me."

Merlin sighed. "Arthur, you really don't want that to be the next thing I tell you, it's not a pretty story, and there is no happy ending."

"No. There usually isn't in tales like ours, but it doesn't make the story less important. I'll accept one denial tonight if you agree to tell me when we go hunting at the end of the week. If you won't explain that, at least tell me something."

"Like what?"

"Something that isn't life changing, or something good."  
Merlin thought, trying to reach for something,"I met Isildur today, unexpectedly."  
"Who is he?"

"The leader of a druid clan, you've met them before in less favourable circumstances, he is willing to speak to you and answer questions if you go unarmed?"

"Merlin, I don't go anywhere unarmed."

"Then you will lose a valuable opportunity to speak with them sire. Arthur, you attacked his clan looking for Morgana when she chose to go to them for answers I should have given her."

"Could you have helped her?"  
"Then? Not really, but she wouldn't have felt so alone."

Arthur shook his head "Then she would have had to seek them out anyway, unless Gaius had made different choices. If that is the case then I understand their insistence. Can you guarantee they will not attack me? To do so would bring down my father's wrath even if I understand their motivation."

His servant chose his words carefully, he really was trying to be as honest as he could now. "I can guarantee your safety. Even if they did they couldn't hurt you, I would never let them."

Arthur sighed, Merlin was right, and any group close to Camelot was likely to have similar stories, "Alright, set it up. I will need to take someone this time though."

"I wasn't out alone, Gwaine has met him and passed through the wards, He'd be a wise choice to take along, with a second. No more or they'll spook and won't meet with us together."

"I'll consider it. Leon owes them a life debt but he is not yet aware of all of the details I'd have to disclose. Sir Percival is at ease with them from his wife's family. Lancelot would be courteous and perhaps less intimidating."

"If you don't mind a suggestion sire?" Arthur waved a hand for Emrys to continue,

"Go ahead."

"Take Percy. He has missed them, and he has suffered the same loss in this conflict, his family through his wife died for Uther's hatred. If they see that such a man is willing to serve directly under you without anger, and trusts your word it will ease some of their doubts. My forgiveness and trust is less influential in some ways than his. I am Merlin to you, and to myself, but to them we're figures of prophecy and legend who are tightly bound. It's destined and I don't really have a choice. Perce does and they know it."

"Your forgiveness?"  
"It's complicated. We've both hurt each other unintentionally over the past few years, and yes, I'll answer your questions when you know what they are and there is space to shout without being overheard. Percival isn't the only one to have lost people, and Balinor and Will weren't the only ones."  
Arthur winced, he'd forgotten about Will. "He wasn't the one in Ealdor to make the wind, was he."

"No Arthur. He wasn't. I tried to tell you about my magic and it's use that day but then you said at his pyre magic was dangerous and not to be trusted, and I knew you weren't ready. I'd have been banished and you'd have been left undefended."

The Prince frowned, something was wrong, "How did I forget that Merlin. Until you mentioned him I forgot what happened that day, That's wrong, it's hard to think about, clouded as though I'm not supposed to remember. Did you do something to my memory?"

"Gods no! No Arthur. Certainly not intentionally, I can check that there's nothing accidental if you want. That's worrying though, you shouldn't have anomalies like that, especially such specific ones. Perhaps it explains why Morgana hasn't gone straight for Mum though."

"Do you want us to have Hunith in Camelot? I could easily arrange a home for her." Merlin huffed and shook his head, "No, I've asked. She won't come. I understand why better now. These walls are haunted for her Arthur, not by actual spirits but by memory and loss, and honestly I'd be less focused during attacks trying to defend more than you if she was in the same place. I'll reconsider it if Gaius' health worsens further, but she'd be an obvious pressure point, and some survivors of the Purge might recognise her. I'm hard to kill, but Mum isn't."

"You're not invincible Merlin. I don't know how you hide them so often but I've seen some of the damage when you need a healer or had to bathe on campaign."  
"Yeah. That would be with magic Arthur. Folk seeing them would mean questions about how I acquired them, and a simple servant should not really bear such marks. Plus, I might not be vain, but it doesn't mean I want to have my whole life on display, you only get a scar if they land a hit." He flashed Arthur a sly smile and wink, knowing exactly how many scars he had after helping the man bathe, dress, and treating his injuries over the years at his side.

"Shut up Merlin." His friend chuckled back.

"You've got a point though. How often does that happen?"

"Not that often. Besides I'm more careful these days and I do try not to be captured, I'd have a lot fewer if the magic didn't have to remain secret though. Most magical or solo fights I'm unmarked, and most of the marks I do get don't scar."

"That is deeply concerning given that you have plenty, not that I've ever seen details, you're always too quick when it's not hidden to get more than confirmation they exist."

Merlin rolled his eyes and shoved the grim sounding Prince, "Don't be such a girl Arthur. It's not like I'm missing a limb or something."

"No, but you have turned up with open wounds and fractures without telling me, and reopening them makes recovery time longer and is risky on patrol, concern about chinks in our defence isn't girlish. I don't want you to end up actually missing a limb because a healing wound slows you down. Or anyone else."

Merlin glowered, "That bastard. He told you?"

"What? Who? No one told me Merlin, you bled through your shirts a few times and I started paying better attention." Arthur looked slightly sick, which was weird given how much blood he'd seen in all kinds of scenarios.

"Oh. Oh! Is that why I'm being tortured with training?"

"Hell no, that, and your misery, are just bonuses. No more hiding proper wounds though. Not things like these aches, but real injuries. This you complain about. Never the serious things, and that has to be switched around. I can't expect men to follow me and inform me of wounds if the example of the one who serves me personally appears to think they can't admit to needing medical care. If you won't for yourself, do it to prevent an inexperienced knight doing something stupid."

"Knights do stupid shit all the time anyway." Merlin's opinion on that had never wavered, he's seen them on and off duty. At least half the knights were complete idiots, but the prince did have a point about showing an example.

"Says the super-powerful Warlock hidden in the household of the Prince of Camelot."

"Fine. At least my stupid decisions make sense."  
Arthur made a disgusted noise in his throat, "They really, really don't Merlin."  
"Some do. Most, given I haven't exactly had many options until very recently."  
The prince frowned, acknowledging the truth of that, "True. Just try and remember that things have changed."  
"Yeah. Hard not to. My home isn't home, my job changed, you know, my family is not what I thought, and-"

"Here, drink." A cup of something heady and sweet smelling was pushed at him before Merlin could get any more wound up.

"Arthur I really can't get drunk with you, tempting as it is tonight. Gwen would not be amused if I turn up at her door hammered."

"No, no she would not. Why are you going to Guinivere's so late anyway?"

Merlin looked at him oddly, "Because she doesn't trust me for correct measurements and demands I let her take them herself. Apparently some prat sent her a message that means she needs them."  
"Intelligent woman. Alright." Arthur sighed. "I need a bath, organise one for me, and warm the bed, I don't have to dine with Father tonight, but I must do tomorrow."  
"It's very late to begin to organise a proper bath Sire."

"Merlin. This once you have my full permission to cheat, it has been a very difficult few days for both of us. Gwaine also has oil that is good for abused muscles by the way."  
"Yes Arthur. I make it. You all have that, and some have more questionable types that I also have to make."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "He has it for you to use, Idiot, if you ask nicely he might even apply it properly for you. It's hard to relax a muscle whilst contorting to reach it with the liniment."

Merlin blushed, he'd done that enough times, but never had anyone to help.

"Don't look like such a blushing maiden Merlin. You stiffening up for the sake of misplaced dignity- which you don't have enough left of to lose in my eyes or Gwaine's- serves no one's interests. Didn't have you down as a prude."  
Merlin rolled his shoulders and pouted, offended. "I'm not, I'm just a little… self conscious. My back didn't heal well from all of the damage and concealing it without physically altering my body won't hide anything if someone has their hands on my skin."

Arthur looked at Merlin, noting his concern was real, "Who is he going to tell? Really. Gwaine may be indiscreet about many of his liaisons, but you and I both know he plays for both teams and has he ever mentioned a man by name, let alone features of those men? If you won't let him then speak to Sirs Lancelot or Percival. The noble knights use squires to do it, you've never spoken of anything personal after attending me. Except to my face."  
"Fine. If it'll stop the pair of you nagging me like harpies. I'll do it. Just don't mention it again." He'd go to Gwaine for sure, Lance would ask too many questions, and Percival didn't know who he was yet. As a druid widower he might guess too much too soon with something like this.

Arthur opted for the method of distraction, "Any other news?"  
"Lachlan- the sarcastic ghost- has some idea about the vaults, and something he wants to show me after I leave Gwen's. It might be a late night."  
Arthur leaned forward, narrowing his eyes, "Try and get enough rest for training tomorrow, and Merlin, I will check you are being obedient. Now where's my bath?"  
The warlock looked at him quizzically, "You were serious about that?"  
"Deadly. Just remember to lock the door."

Merlin's eyes flashed. "Done Sire."

Standing and stretching slowly he walked over to the large tub that he stored in the side room Merlin was supposed to sleep in and dragged it through to the usual place. Holding his hands over the bath he spoke the proper spell to summon water to fill the tub, and another to heat it without boiling. Taking out the mix of dried herbs Arthur preferred he sprinkled them in the water as the prince observed silently. "That is a lot easier than servants lugging buckets from the courtyard."  
"Well yes, but if you kept having baths and I didn't do the work it would be very noticeable. At least among the servants, most are observant than the nobles- who never watch us- survival skills y'know? I may as well wear a sign. 'Magical Merlin, please burn me.'"

"You almost do anyway, now that I know what to look for. Please don't start to though. I don't fancy breaking in a new servant. Or warlock."

Merlin smiled at the open acknowledgement of what he was, the flinch gone. "I can get away with it as a one off. Go on, get in." The prospect of his visit to Gwen seemed more daunting the closer it got, and performing non-essential magic in front of Arthur was both thrilling and terrifying.

Arthur noticed him fidgeting and rolled his eyes. "Have one goblet of something decent before you go Merlin, I can get washed myself while you do. It's still better than help with brass jokes."  
Merlin grimaced, vividly recalling his 'lessons' with boring George, "A night in the cells is better than brass jokes."

"Speak for yourself."

"You can tell him to shut up and he listens."

"You can stop him speaking at all. I think."

"Yeah. Excellent plan sire, except for the part where I am outed as a warlock, and scare a bunch of people whose only real crime is being unutterably dull."

"All of the brightness resides in the polished bronze. I could make being so boring a crime. If you wanted. It would solve the problem of the council."

"No more wine for you tonight Arthur. That's a terrible plan. I sympathise with it, but it's a terrible idea." Merlin laughed at his friend, who clearly hadn't slept properly for days.

"Fine. Are you keeping this water hot? It usually cools down."

"Only while you are in it."

"Good. It's much harder to get out of a hot bath than cold though, there may be flaws in the system of granting me divine baths."

"Mmm. In future I will set up a time limit then. Who is a suitable person to take with me tonight? Gwen asked me to bring a second person to avoid rumours."

"Wise of her. If she was any other girl I would suggest Sir Lancelot. For her it would not ease rumours. Gwaine has a certain reputation. Leon is a good choice but it is an odd request and I don't fancy the questions in the morning. Elyan gets… paranoid about men visiting his sister. Percival is best I think for this specific task. He has no history with the Lady, nor a reputation as a slut."

Merlin snorted, "That's mean."

"Is it unfounded?" Arthur arched a brow at his servant.

"Well no, Gwaine totally is, but most people use euphemisms."

"I am the Prince. I do not need to be delicate to my Knight."

"Sir Percy it is then. What does he know?"

"That I seek peace and intend to ultimately legalise magic, quickly moving to lighten any penalties, I do not want the executions to continue. He knows that I have come to understand that magic is not intrinsically evil, and this room is shielded by that force. He doesn't know about coins or that you are Emrys unless you have informed him."

"I'm not in a hurry to do that as he has stayed with the druids and doubtless has heard their stories."

Huh. Arthur hadn't thought of that, it leant a different significance to some of his questions, but Merlin wasn't looking like he could handle that tonight, they probably had a few days before it mattered.

Merlin banked the fire and waited until Arthur clambered out of the bath and handed him the towel, laying a sleeping tunic and trousers on the bed, he considered placing the warming brick between the sheets before turning to face the Prince. "Arthur, do you mind me warming the bed with It? The distribution is better than with the brick or any water bottle. More effective."

He nodded slowly. "Alright, I'll try it, but if you're wrong then tomorrow I will want to use the way we always have."

"Of course sire, thanks for giving it a chance." He wasn't going to take any of the concessions for subtle use for granted.

"You may go Merlin, Emrys has a busy night ahead, and you still have work and training in the morning."

"And potion and salve making and deliveries."

"Doesn't Gaius do most of that?"

"A lot of them, but he can't exactly make them if the ingredients aren't prepared and processed, flames need supervised, others need ground down properly, or heavy lifting for larger batches, it's hard on an old body. Honestly there are some of the things he can't do effectively himself, though the actual making is usually ok- as long as he gets enough rest. Ingredients can be too expensive to waste, or hard to get. The physicians craft is not a simple one, it takes years for a reason, same as training as a knight does."

"I don't think I ever appreciated the number of steps that goes into making a single remedy before."

"Nope, almost certainly not sire." Merlin called cheerfully, non craft masters or apprentices never did. He understood, even as a farmer he wouldn't have known as he did now. It wasn't that they didn't care, they simply never had to think about it.

Arthur slipped on his nightclothes and sat down at his desk, Lord Geoffrey had left him some of the old laws to govern appropriate use of magic, he wanted to read through them before discussing it with Merlin later. He wanted to know how extensive the common usage had been before the Purge first, before discussing the future possibilities, and to question Lord Geoffrey and possibly Gaius. "You're dismissed for the night Merlin. Good luck, cooperate with Guinivere and things will be smoother for you. I don't have to warn you to be careful in the vaults, but you're forgetting something."

Merlin's confusion was painfully obvious and Arthur rolled his eyes. "The key Merlin? It's on my ring. It's less obvious and quicker."

It wasn't quicker actually, but the Prince's offer still stunned the man, "Are you sure Sire?"

Arthur groaned, honestly his servant was ridiculously irritating at times, like now. "Very, Merlin. Take the damn key, just remember to bring it back and don't lose it. You don't have to break in to everything anymore."

"Thanks Arthur."

He left the Prince muttering about idiot manservants trying to do everything the hard way.

Stopping by the knight's quarters after work was becoming something of a habit so his presence went almost unnoticed but for Leon greeting him brightly as their paths crossed. He knocked on Percival's door "Percy? You in there mate?" Please be in there. He really didn't want to resort to Leon.

"Aye Merlin?" Came from inside the chamber.

"You need something? Gwaine isn't here right now, he's on duty tonight." Of course he was. Arthur must have known. "Actually, I was looking for you. Do you have time to play honourable escort, it won't be long, just a quick visit to Gwen, Arthur's request but she's still having to be cautious in front of the nobles."

"Sure, do you know why?"

"No, although I'm fairly sure it's nothing good. She wants to measure me. That woman is the best seamstress in Camelot, but I've never seen her make anything simple and meant to go unnoticed. Morgana's old dresses were something else."

"Uhuh. Just the dresses?"

"Shut up. She wasn't always a power crazed, homicidal psychopath; yeah, back then her in the dress was something to behold. 'Course then she betrayed Camelot, killed a bunch of innocents, tried to kill Arthur so I think we can safely say she is not going to be wearing any more of Gwen's elaborate creations."

"And took up magic."  
"What's your point? You're not that ignorant Percy. She was always a witch and Seer, she'd no choice and it's not evil." Merlin shook his head sadly.

"Good. Glad to hear another sensible reaction in Camelot." Percy smiled softly, puzzled when Merlin frowned, "I'm not exactly neutral on the subject Perce, and I wasn't born in Camelot, though the persecution didn't respect the borders."

"Soo, you wouldn't happen to have anything to do with Arthur's very soundproof chambers would you?"  
"I'll let you draw your own conclusions Sir Percival." Merlin leaned against the doorframe and raised an eyebrow. He was done hiding from the people who mattered. At least the ones who were safe.

"What are we waiting for? Let's get to Lady Gwen's before it's too late to pass off as innocent."

Merlin grinned as they left, locking Percy's door behind them in case Gwaine came home in a mischievous mood. "Don't let her cut my hair."

"Um- I feel like there's a story behind this request." Percival glanced over at his friend whose eyes widened in remembered horror. "And I shall never share it with you. Only warn you to never get drunk with Gwen. Ever." Merlin shuddered. When they had both been servants they had been equals to each other, slightly removed from the others by proximity to the ruling family, but ultimately both holding 'just a servant' rank to their mistress and master, however flexible the pair had been. Other than Arthur, Gwen had been his closest friend in Camelot once, and one of the few who he ever had indulged with, leaving her with more than a fair share of 'stories'.

"Noted." replied Percival. Unlike Gwaine and Lancelot, he had only ever known her as 'Lady Guinivere'. Not 'sweet, gentle Gwen'. Anyone who thought of her as only that had never seen her in a smithy or wielding a sword. He had. So had Arthur, and Merlin wondered how long he had really been watching the maid out of the corner of his eye.

He knew the way to her chamber without having to think by now, despite rarely visiting; she was responsible for a lot of the king's care and so also for his simpler medicines, which Merlin delivered and often explained the application and purpose of. Gwen knew him too well to believe the 'grave mental disease' nonsense and had questioned on more than one occasion why he didn't challenge it. He couldn't exactly explain and it had led to her taking more notice of his restraint and closed off side, the secrecy, and ultimately those contributed to their growing apart almost as much as her change in status had. She was still friendly, just not like before.

Hers was a reaction he actually feared seeing. He'd told her that first day he was in disguise, that he protected Arthur; actually he'd lied to her less than most of them, but she'd always laughed or shrugged it off. Gwen had been witness to Morgana's dreams and his nightly deliveries of sleeping aids.

"You ok mate? You're awful quiet." Merlin raised a brow at the giant next to him, who rarely spoke more than three words together and saw him smile. "For you." He kept his voice low enough not to be overheard and Merlin responded in kind.

"Just had a lot on my mind recently. Nothing for you to worry about Perce."

The knight mock glared at him, "Tough. If I want to worry about my friends you can't stop me."

Merlin snorted softly, "I could."

Percival nodded calmly, "Interesting. Never heard that from anyone but Dana before."

Merlin looked away, hurriedly casting a muting spell to stop anyone overhearing anything, hoping the flash in his eyes wasn't too obvious. "Ask when we aren't in the city, let alone the castle, and I'll answer your questions. The important ones anyway."

"You already did mate."

"No I didn't." Growled the warlock.

Percival's lips quirked upwards, "Yeah. You really did. You are loyal to Arthur, protect your friends, and have saved many lives, with all your skills; and you're no fool. Now man up and face the scary Lady's measuring tape you idiot."

"It's torture Merlin day again, isn't it."

The knight chuckled, "No, but that sounds like a very popular idea, I'll suggest it at the next round table meeting."

Merlin gave him a strange look. "Might want to wait Perce, that's going to be a fucking busy meeting."

"Good to know."

They stopped outside Gwen's door and knocked.

"Don't believe the innocent look in her eyes Percy, don't let her get your soul."

Gwen opened the door and looked at him the same way his mother used to when he put off a chore, pointing to her chambers and smirking. "Hello Merlin."

"Gwen." He groaned as her face lit up with glee at his obvious discomfort seeing her snap the measuring tape. "No, don't be that Gwen, please? I'll be good, I promise."

"You told Sir Percival not to let me get his soul."

"In a good way."  
"What good way is that?"  
"Did I mention that you are looking very pretty today my Lady?"

Gwen raised an eyebrow and folded her arms. "Yes Merlin, I am, that's not the answer, you know the rules."

"I am sorry milady for denigrating your ever so generous offer of help, the flowers'll have to wait for tomorrow, can't get 'em at night."

"That's better." She winked at Percival.  
"Yes Ma'am." but Merlin smiled at her, turning to Percy, "Ladies are not supposed to go and gather their own flowers, stupid rule, hers were always the nicest, I only get called a girl. Or variations thereof. Stupid really, Gwen's hardly the only good Lady to enjoy having something bright around."

"Stand still, stop fidgeting and we'll be done much faster."

Merlin obeyed cautiously, holding himself still.

"There, all done. I'll tell Prince Arthur when the things are ready. Don't look so horrified Merlin, I promise you not to add any bows or frills. Nothing like that ridiculous orange 'servants uniform' handmaid's honour."

"I'll hold you to that Gwen." He turned to the knight who was watching them in amusement. "Thank you Percival for providing an assurance to other nosey bints that I was not here for some clumsy attempt at seduction."

Gwen stepped forward and hugged him, "Thank you Sir Percival, it was indeed kind of you. If you will excuse me it's late, and I do need some sleep, I always wake early. Goodnight both of you." She smiled at them and the men went on their way. "Well that was simple; and I still have my soul. What happened between you?"

"It's complicated. Complicated, long, and littered with misunderstandings. Gwen's a lovely woman, but I haven't made her life easier and she sometimes finds Arthur a sore spot… and Lancelot… and Morgana."  
"Ah. I take it her status changing when yours did not despite being far more vital to retaking Camelot didn't help things."

Merlin frowned, he didn't particularly want his place to change, he wasn't happy about the lack of choice he had in that inevitability either, "No, but that at least wasn't due to either of us."

"You wanting any company tonight mate?" Percival looked unduly concerned and Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Nah, I've got more to do before I can think about bed, not enough hours in my day to do everything that needs done."

Percy nodded but laid a hand on his shoulders just before they reached the knights quarters where their paths split, "If you ever do, you know where to find me. Or Gwaine. You don't have to talk, but don't try to carry the weight of a world alone needlessly."

"And they call me emotional." Merlin tilted his head meeting Percy's piercing gaze to see the sincerity there. "Thanks Percy, I'll bear it in mind for the future, I've someone waiting for me, but see you at training?"

"Sure Merlin. Be careful."

"Amn't I always?" Merlin spread his hands wide.


	36. Chapter 35

Merlin strode in the direction of the vaults then, more confidently than he usually would. He knew the guards schedules and patrol routes without thinking about it, ducking when it was required, pausing in the shadows when a guard was due to pass by. _This_ time, for the _first_ time he had permission to be there, it was actually fully sanctioned by the Prince. A reality that he hadn't particularly expected until he had somehow proven that he didn't intend to launch a takeover bid. Certainly not _so soon._

The iron key felt heavy in his pocket as Merlin snuck out of the passages which had been forgotten by all but a few.

It's weight was a reassuring reminder that he hadn't just imagined the acceptance or command, but he decided using magic would be quieter. The spells for breaking in to anything were so familiar by now they needed no words.

Closing the door behind him Merlin lit the candles, no one would be fool enough to enter here without authorisation of the king. Except himself. Or maybe corrupt priestesses.

Turning to the right he almost leapt out of his skin as he came face to face with Lachlan; the whole situation suddenly seemed a lot more macabre in the eerie atmosphere of Camelot's dark places. Not for the first time in the vaults Merlin felt more like he was walking through a tomb than a cellar.

"That does not get less creepy, no matter how many times you appear inches from my face. You sounded as though there was something important when you sought me out earlier; what do you have to show me?"

"There is, remember Merlin, this chaotic horde and its consequences are not solvable in one night. Consider this a belated introductory tour. Avoid any and all mirrors. Some may be harmless, others may still be linked or active, but that is not what I wish to show you. _Do not_ look at the crystals, I do not wish to lose your awareness and attention with no one in here to break through a trance.

I spent most of the day down here, and it seems that the deeper you go the closer it is to the beginning of the Purge, I recognise some items and sacred objects that I can match to a date and a friend. Collections and stolen artefacts closest to the beginning of the deposits - so furthest from any entry points - are the best organised. Reasonable as there was still enough knowledge left in the early stages to categorise them correctly. Ish. Later on, as you edge closer to the entrance they get less coherent, placed without rhyme and reason as the understanding was evidently lost. Dragonlords were early in the massacres, what was stolen from us is semi-sensibly placed. Not far from a torq that you need and a staff which is yours, or will be, safest to wait a little longer to retrieve _that_ , until you intend to face the council under the full moon. The single Catha item I have seen is further in and should not be touched before they formally confirm you. Just in case. Don't fall into the pit coming up, and dodge the axe- good- now slow your breathing, no panicking or broadcasting alarm, that gives away surprise and the vault reacts to a probable intrusion. Right, not left, the passage that way is collapsed. Seems to be an unnatural rockfall but I've no idea what it's protecting."

He turned sharply, even remembering this time that Merlin required a door instead of just walking clean through walls.

He really should look into whether the _was_ a spell for that, thought the warlock, it would be a pretty obvious one to create so theoretically he could _find_ one if he looked in the correct place. "Ah, there." Exclaimed the ex-dragonlord, drawing his attention back to their actual purpose, "This was mine, a long time ago. You should have been given your own, with your father's crest but where he hid that I don't know and you ought to at least have proper attire. It's not magic exactly, just useful. Made only for our kin. This one isn't short enough for some of your high stakes games, but it'll keep the wind and hail off; gauntlets are yours too. Dragons _hated_ metal ones even if they can't actually cut scales. Worse for human hands too, even if we don't burn normally, those types can heat up when magic passes through the metal; if we didn't notice others tended to sustain avoidable injuries.

Leather or suede are preferred by our kin. We never did manage to convince the magicless knights of the drawbacks of metal…" Lachlan grimaced at the memory of bickering.

Merlin rolled his eyes, he knew _that_ feeling. "Knights are idiots; and they do seem to have a bit of a steel fetish. Are you _sure_ Lachlan. Isn't there-" Merlin cut off. Of course there wasn't someone else he'd rather give it to, Merlin was the _only_ dragonlord. The _last_ dragon Lord. He lowered his tone, "Thank you, Sir. It would be my privilege."

"Ach, don't. Really. Would have gone to my eldest son, as your father's should go to you. Now I have no sons, and you have no father. For our people to take back what Uther stripped brings me some comfort."

Merlin nodded, swallowing. As much as he wished he did not, he understood. The dragonlord would rather it burned than remained here as a trophy for Uther, but like the dragonlords, this was made to fly. "It'll see the sky again. Might even make Kilgarrah smile, or noble arses stop nagging me for my state of dress." Merlin stepped up to the frame supporting the jacket, pulling out all of the laces and realising the thing had a lot more weight in than it initially appeared to. Next to it were the matching gauntlets. Almost as nice as some of Arthur's hunting leather.

"It's stained dark. Are- were they all like that?" Merlin asked, wondering if it was common even then to fly at night.

"Mostly. Depended on the colours of the dragon you were closest to and the symbols of your House. Most often they were similar to the hide of whichever dragon you were closest to. This should work reasonably well with Kilgarrah."

Merlin nodded, tracing long fingers in the candlelight over the intricate designs on the coat that was somehow elegant _and_ tough. "What was mine?"

"I can't draw. Your family were the first, the oldest Dragonlords we know of, your House was _first_ ranked; it reflects that. The Druids can show you. Just ask. Don't run from it."

Merlin closed his eyes. "Sure. Anything else I should know about?"

"Yes. The High Priest's ring is further in, and there is a blood spell set up next to the corresponding sacrificial knife taken from a priestess. Don't go near it until you have slept and have a spare day. Don't approach or disturb it in any way until you have identified it. _That_ has been set for a very long time., a few days will not make a difference."

Merlin blew out a measured breath. That was _very mixed_ news. "Do we know who might be responsible for something so serious?"

Blood spells were always strong, usually complex, and tended to involve dark magic, which he didn't want to be interfering with on his first _known_ visit down there. Despite the problems they had found, the lack of injury this time was a definite advantage over any of his previous visits.

"I have suspicions but nothing confirmed. I had no idea this was down here until today. The priestesses are gone, but for two. All of their bloodlines ended- or at least _they_ believed so. You don't have the experience to solve this _properly_ alone so don't try, use the resources at hand. It does not appear to be harming Arthur though, whatever the intended purpose. The catacombs continue and I will go further tomorrow, but there _are ways_ of capturing spirits-as you well know from Sigan.

Couldn't take the risk of going into the more dangerous places without reporting back first, Emrys. Nothing here is beyond your _skill_ to use, but some should not be touched, and the priestesses sometimes added spells to _Discourage_ men from contaminating particular sacred items. Not unfairly, but really, look and don't touch unless you're willing to spend a long time singing soprano."

Merlin instinctively winced, "Yeah, I get why you that would be an effective deterrent. Only a mistake you'd have to see made once to get the point. Morgana would be proud. OK then. Lots to think about. Much, much more than I was hoping for… and also more of an heirloom than I ever expected to have. Thank you for helping me; and for the rest."

Lachlan bowed slightly, he'd watched long enough to develop a healthy respect for Emrys lowering his guard.

"I'd give you a sword but we uh- we didn't bring them into Camelot that time if the blade had been bathed in dragonfire, but for one; there was a late warning, and it's a fucking godsend that we didn't.

An armed squad of trained knights with those weapons would have razed the kingdom. When Uther realised it was magic he threw it in a mass grave. It should remain there for eternity. That must _never_ be found." He sighed, a lingering habit from his human life that not breathing hadn't seemed to change.

"Go home Merlin. You need to think and you can't do that here. I'm not about to disappear on you. Eileen has Uther handled for the night, he's not going to be looking for you at dinner tomorrow."

Merlin pressed his lips together, almost visibly receding into the non-threatening servant part of himself, "Any idea what she plans?"

Lachlan shook his head,"Not a clue. She looked angry though, so whatever it is I am glad she's not messing with _me._ You know some cultures have female warriors? Not here, but in the North they do, and in Dalraida. Right at the edge of the world, where the sun's heat can barely reach they ride to battle. Our not having them is a mistake; I think that they make more efficient fighters. If a man had looked at me with the same expression _she_ was wearing tonight, I would have surrendered or fallen on the mercy of a sword. Eileen's uncle was a keeper of books, he told her stories from the crib, trust me, she has plenty of material to draw on with you occupied."

The man cringed, remembering Arthur's fight with Morgause, "Eesh. Nope, never going to underestimate based on the fact an enemy is female. In my experience they are the most deadly."

"Irrelevant." Growled the ghost, "Anyone can kill. Uther's men were more than enough with our magic subdued."

Running his hand through his hair, Merlin sighed, "I know. You're right. I have to think about it all, calmly and rationally. It looks and feels like a trap but it's _old. Gods_ I want to tear this apart, and if I _do_ without identifying it first the breaking could kill them."

Lachlan snorted, "You are in Camelot kid, good luck finding calm and rationality. We could make a fortune selling _that_ on the black market. I'm very glad to see some forethought, you really have come on." The warlock wished it wasn't true; and that his lessons had brought less pain to himself and to others.

"This time I know I'll be able to return to fix it properly, and not have my absence cause problems. 'Night Lachlan."

"Goodnight Emrys."

As much as it felt unnatural to rush out of such a place Merlin tried - he could _feel_ it, all the different magics, some tingly, others passionate, and a couple clawing at him making it harder to concentrate. It was getting foggier when he felt another presence intrude and provide an anchor, the familiarity drowning out the other magical distractions. _"Go Home Young Warlock. We will speak soon enough, leave this place."_

The shock worked, spurring Merlin to move faster and leave the vaults, feeling slightly overwhelmed. It hadn't been so bad before, but maybe it was because then he he a clear goal, and a focus on _not_ being connected to music. This time the threat of execution was less. Kilgarrah must have known, having been so close to it all for so long. _"Turn off the lights."_ Merlin blushed and snapped his fingers.

" _Thanks 'Garrah."_

Tempted to lean against the wall and collect himself Merlin resisted, forcing himself to move away, towards his new chamber.

It smelled different and didn't feel like home yet. How strange would everyone think it was if he started hanging herbs to dry? Pickling fish eyes.

Once he thought that one of the greatest benefits of not living with the court physician would be the absence of the weird smells. Some were fragrant or exotic, and others were noxious or toxic. Often a bizarre mix of both competing; especially when there was a patient or three there.. As it turned out it was their very absence that reminded Merlin that his old home was no longer his own. How whatever he did during the day he would come home at night to an empty room. For so long Merlin had made a point of never considering personal details when he thought about the future, he had stopped considering a partner beside him _or_ the implications of there not being one. The reality of being _alone_ had hit him with hardly any preparation as a result, and even Merlin could appreciate that being left alone wasn't actually good for him given the stress he lived under, and his tendency to periodically neglect self-care. Irritating as it was to be reminded by Gaius and Gwen, or Lancelot on occasion, he couldn't call it needless. Gwaine didn't 'gently remind' him to eat or pause and took a more similar approach to Gaius' standard drugging when Merlin didn't sleep. The room was cold when he entered, no one waiting who'd set the fire earlier or kept it going, Not a particular problem for _him,_ as he whispered and a roaring fire sparked to life in the grate, but a tangible and symbolic reminder that stung and made the leather suddenly feel so much heavier. Laying it on his bed Merlin sighed, stripping and lying down to try and sleep.

The dilemma of storage plagued the man and made it difficult to drift off, for one night it only really needed a glamour for concealment, but he intended to find a better storage solution- which the vaults _definitely weren't._

That night his dreams were violent and disturbed, though not visions of possible futures; he woke sweat soaked with a racing heart, hoping he hadn't been making any noise, without anyone close enough to wake him, certainly not with the door locked. A silencing spell was a priority for this room. The cortisol and adrenaline began to ebb away when he saw his preferred early-morning ghostly visitor. "Morning sunshine. No, that's not right is it?" She frowned, "I haven't been paying attention long."

Merlin rolled onto his side, "I'll take it. Better than 'idiot' for a welcome. Long night? I gather Lachlan is staying out of your way."

"The last one was hard, I'm feeling better now, but he deserves a lot worse than this. I let the giant spider get Uther this time.I'm not angry at Lachlan, just didn't want him to ask if I was ok."

"Fair enough. Try not to have him dream-eaten, that would kick his paranoia up further and it's already ridiculous."

There was a chap on his door. Merlin ignored it. The chapping didn't stop when Merlin grumbled at it so he gave up for self preservation, pulling on loose breeches. The rest of the tower did not start work this early. "Ah fuck, who even calls on other humans at this time of day? What, what is it that can't wait." Unlocking the door he opened it a crack. The brick behind Gwaine began to smoulder. "What are you doing here you sadist?"

The knight ducked past him, slumping into the chair by Merlin's desk before sliding a loaded plate and a jug, pulling a small bag out of his pocket and dropping it there.

"I'm Being diligent. Responsible and shit."

"But... _Gwaine, the sun isn't up yet."  
_ The knight looked at him as though he was wondering how Merlin even laced his boots alone. "No, but _you_ are, and I refuse to be the one to tell Princess I broke you or had to tie you to the saddle on the return ride. I brought food. You are going to eat it and not faint by noon. Don't look so guilty, I'm losing maybe an hour of sleep max by staying up to force you to have breakfast. Much less than if you keeled over and Princess decided to keep me in the cells until his Merlin-Sulk finished; and you've got to admit there are worse ways to wake up than handsome men delivering fresh food directly to your chamber." Gwaine grinned winningly at Merlin and got a shove and half hearted glare for his efforts. "You got me. Can't disagree there." Merlin smirked at him, "But you were already beaten by a pretty girl."

"Well played Eileen. I'll win one of these days." His friend called amiably to the ether.

"Good morning crazy one."

"She uh- She says good morning."

"She's very polite for a ghost." He arched an eyebrow at Merlin's obvious hedging.

"Not everyone is as dissolute as you Gwaine."

"Good thing too. One is enough."

"Yeah. So why is _that one_ in my bedroom this early, cluttering it up and playing nagging wife- which doesn't suit you by the way."

"Told you. Making sure you don't faint like a maiden from not eating, or trying to run on only magic for fuck knows how long; and really Merlin, at least let me be a nagging _husband_. What time _did_ you get to bed last night?" Gwaine leaned back, showing no intentions of leaving and Merlin sighed at his unruffled approach, knowing full well that the man wouldn't go now and could sleep upright.

He waved a hand at the door to relock it, noticing the reluctance of his muscles to move smoothly this morning and scowling. "No idea. It was dark."

 _There_ was the eye roll.

"Not for much longer. You might want to finish getting dressed first mate, not that I'm complaining, but it's pretty chilly and you've rounds to do. Have some bread and apple at the least though and I will vouch to Kilgarrah himself you are _trying_ to keep yourself standing." Merlin squashed down the nerves as he turned to find fresh clothes remembering the lack of a magical mask. They did not belong here with a trusted friend anymore.

"As long as you don't try to lie to him you should be OK. He doesn't like lies." Merlin smiled as he pulled on a decent tunic and tried to remember the simplest silencing spell he knew, smiling when he found one. It would only be temporary until he could set a long term one, he whispered in the old tongue, letting the magic warm him.

"Riiight. So. How was your thing last night?"

"Fuck, I forgot. Thanks for the reminder. I'm in trouble with Gwen, and have to take her flowers. Percival has joined her minions."

Gwaine chuckled at his friend's misfortune, "Again? How did you manage _that?_ Already?"

"Shut up. Like you haven't been in trouble with mum before. I might have accidentally been a wee bit tactless in warning Percival… and got caught."

"OK. No sympathy for you, it was a lesson you earned. If you are going to bitch about Court Ladies, _don't get caught_. If she catches you calling her 'mum' you're a dead man. Gaius got his meeting with me last night, so don't have concerns about that. He was the one who sent the bag of meadowsweet. I figured boiling water was probably on your list of mastered skills so only brought cold, you can heat it up quicker than the kitchens could."

"Are you _sure_ you're a scoundrel, Sir Gwaine? I think you may be going soft, with all this chivalry; all that saving the day is going to your head."

"Yes Merlin. I had a revelation last night. My calling is in fact embroidery and pastry making." He deadpanned.

"Gods Gwaine, please _never_ cook something that requires skill, and if you do, don't torture us by trying to feed it to anyone, poison is a terrible way to go. Trust me on that."

Gwaine folded his arms and smiled, "Aww, it's sweet when you worry about them. Nae fear. This is strictly a non-chivalrous act of self preservation I'll have you know. Princess doesn't like to share you you know."

Merlin made a disgusted sound at the obvious lie and ignored the jibe, "Fine. Shut up. I'm eating, I'm eating already."

"That's a good All powerful Warlock." Gwaine grinned wickedly, "Oh, I also have proper oil and am supposed to force you to be sensible and have stiff muscles massaged so that training works instead of crippling you. Something about efficiency of servants. So. Since it's a demand from the Princess, who should I send up? I would happily do it, but if you'd prefer Lance or Percy I can send them over whenever you need. Even Leon, but y'know… it might raise difficult questions." Merlin hadn't _really_ expected a _choice._ They were still something of a new concept for him, and it was discomfiting that Merlin being treated as Arthur's equal seemed completely reasonable to Gwaine; even if it _was_ only in private so far.

"Uh- You I guess. You've seen me, it's the shortest lecture on common sense and safety. I've heard Lance's too many times already. Gets boring after the second recital. Ugh, _common_ sense? Like he's the expert and the knights have any to spare."

"Nope," he agreed cheerily, "Not even a little. Except maybe Leon."

"Hey, that's unfair. Lancelot has some." Merlin sounded offended on his friend's behalf.

" _Sir_ _Lancelot_ has been pretending he doesn't know about a sorcerer while sharing a campfire with a Pendragon, left the free life for one bound by the rigid rules of a Noble, and attacked a city by going up against an army of the undead. Save it."

Merlin shot his friend a scandalised look, "Well _everything_ sounds bad when you say it like _that."_

"Never said it was a bad thing. One of his best attributes if you ask me." Gwaine's expression softened. The pair had occasionally clashed over their wildly different approaches to life and philosophy, and their shared loyalty to the future king and Merlin was where they initially found a real bond.

"One of the many reasons I never have. Go back to the part where you stated as a _fact_ that he has been pretending not to know about a sorcerer."

"You lot are unbelievable!"

Merlin snorted and Gwaine threw out his hands in exasperation, "No really. You are _literally unbelievable_. He has too many tells to lie safely, he's been there when some seriously unsubtle shit went down, even if I didn't notice _at the time._ The man has backed you on utterly atrocious excuses- you should know that we still have the ode to Arthur's socks you claimed to be composing, drunk, at the tavern where you weren't."

" _You! You complete prat! That's where it came from!"_

Gwaine winked, "Call it the price for my silence on you never _being_ there. Lancelot worries about you more than as just a servant on patrols and quests, surrounded by good knights. He _insisted_ to the Princess- who he rarely challenges on anything- that you were the bravest of us and should have been knighted. The only ones he watches more than you individually are Lady Gwen, and the Princess… _and_ like me an' Percival, he's travelled outside the borders. Ran into him a couple of times in exile and someone mentioned a sorceress; the stupid man asked 'Actual sorceress or witch?' If he knows there's a difference, he's encountered someone who couldn't choose. I only remembered it because it was a weird thing to hear from someone heading out alive from the city."

"I'm going to strangle him." Merlin said very calmly.

Gwaine smirked, "You're already in trouble with Gwen. Strangling Sir Lancelot would be unwise mate."

Merlin grimaced around a slice of apple "Oh goddess I _cannot_ deal with _that_ shitstorm this early."

Gwaine nodded thoughtfully, "I take it you've noticed the tensions then; you got any personal opinions on that?"

The warlock grimaced, "Not that I'm willing to share, it's very dangerous to even think about tat triangle too much. It would be so much easier if Morgana hadn't pushed her away, hardly helped mend the rift between Uther's kids that she moved from one onto the other." Even _Merlin_ had winced at that, and _he_ was the one most involved in facilitating it and encouraging Prince Arthur to pursue someone he actually wanted as a _person_. Arthur had been trained to reject emotion as weakness and had to consciously override that first instinct still.

Shaking his head Gwaine sighed, "Fuck, Morgana and Gwen? Are you sure?"

Merlin shrugged. "I don't know how _equal_ the devotion was, but I know exactly which ladies I delivered preventatives and emergency backups to, and the ones I didn't- or don't.

Those two were something of an open secret then anyway, at least among the servants, and I delivered her draughts _very early_ , and after most people were in bed. Too much was seen that cannot be unseen. If it distracted her from the visions though… Uther either wouldn't consider it, or regarded it as an acceptable way of avoiding any almost-royal bastards. Who knows what _his_ thought processes ever were."

"Gaius?" The half- suggestion was _his_ first thought too but that made him feel nauseous.

"Maybe. Sometimes. Another thing that hurts to focus on. I don't think he had solid confirmation of MorGwena, though he knew she didn't regularly take anything that we deliver under the label 'women's problems' to stop men getting pushy or asking invasive questions."

Gwaine stared at him, shaking his head, "Wow. The men here are idiots."

Merlin shrugged, "I've not much basis for comparison, raised by mum on her own, but yeah. They _really_ are, still, it seems to work on those from foreign courts just as well."

"And suddenly I pity the women of this city in a whole new way. So is Arthur's love _unsuitable_ for her tastes?"

"Oh no, she definitely is uh- She told me she likes _ordinary men_ like me once," Merlin's lips curled wryly, "And used to watch _training_ with me when we were trailed along. She's flexible, like you and I. Not like Edwin in the stables." Another not-open thing shared he thought, even if it wasn't as secret as his magic, and again Gwaine hadn't blinked.

"Well I guess there's that at least, and you don't have to deliver or ease into _that_ particular news."

"Honestly at this rate it might be less complicated than some of what I _do_ have to discuss. If you're not busy after supper I suppose I could do worse for company."

"I'll be here. First though, I have to sleep. There's this guy I have to torture after doing _my own_ training, by order of The Princess, and since his work's about to start It's more'n time I found my own bed." Gwaine winked at his friend, walking towards the door, "If my next victim'll let me out that is." He gestured at the lock.

"Go on you git," Merlin dragged on a neckerchief and his jacket and unlocked the door, extinguishing all of the candles and fire as it swung open.

Securing it behind him Merlin forced his body to cooperate, abused muscles protesting every movement, the walk down to Gaius' chambers alone had them screaming. He chapped and entered the locked room without waiting for a reply. His old mentor would assume it was him, and it was still early in the morning; Merlin wanted to build up the fire before forcing the old man to give up the warmth of any blankets. He was still bloody angry, but he was also an apprentice physician who wanted no patient to develop complications.

The hearth was cold, and the infusions set out on the desk last night were ready, but the table was not as organised as he expected, books and scrolls that ought to be hidden when _anyone_ could see them. It wouldn't exactly be the first time Uther yelled 'sorcery' and tore the physicians chambers apart, and Gaius was always extremely cautious. Making the oversight unusual.

Quickly raking the fire and adding a couple of logs Merlin set it alight just as Gaius came out of his room in heavy robes. "Good morning m'b- Merlin. It's good to see you again; I miss you, oh I know, you can't, but still, I wanted you to know. There's food if the ruffian didn't catch you this morning."

"Gwaine? Yeah, he came by, said you managed to talk to him last night, not much about it. What are these?" Merlin pointed at the very illegal pages open on the table, squinting at the barely legible script in one."  
"They are legends. Not _your_ legends with Arthur. Old ones. Things thought lost from the past I thought some might be of benefit to one or both of you. That one on the right is about your people, not much was known of the Dragonlords, and it's hard to know how much is truth and how much myth- or indeed the result of a night in a tavern with the author. Either way, it is rightfully yours. I wish there was more for me to give you but Balinor declared it must all be hidden. That which he could not destroy. You must understand Merlin, he did not anticipate _you_. Neither of them expected to have a son to receive any legacy."

"I do. It doesn't ease things; is there anything here about their rituals around death?"

Gaius hesitated and his apprentice growled, "Don't look at me as though you expect horrors like _he_ does." Merlin forced his voice to soften. "I simply need to be sure that I have not neglected an important thing for his spirit's peace. Your promise of showing me where the mass graves and dark places made me think. Well, that and the ghosts." His _thought_ was that Gaius should show Arthur too, but _he_ was well able to do that after, and they still couldn't risk the old man catching on to exactly what was happening, what _they_ were engineering.

"Oh, of course it did, I can't show you today, or tomorrow as there's council and it means a higher risk of being followed then, the day after should be safe."

"I can be late for work for that." Merlin set his jaw.

"Not for the first time Merlin. Are you sure? The Prince has been under a lot of stress recently."

 _You have no idea_ thought the now _less_ secret warlock.

"It has already waited far too long. I can organise cover for the morning easily enough. George will be insufferable after, but at least he won't argue."

"As I understand it the Prince has become somewhat accustomed to the complaints of manservants."

"I won't deny he prefers that over brass jokes. You should hear them. Perhaps one day when you can't slip awake we'll tell them to you. Anyway, rounds to do. Please tell me that somewhere under the books and scrolls a list is to be found for restocking."

"You are looking at it, that is the pile for you, including the list." Merlin sighed, seeing the pile and wondering how he could subtly carry them. Looking around the room he spotted an old pack for collecting. It wouldn't be too odd for him to carry one, and in the absence of better options he grabbed the books and lists, dumping them into the bag and tried to look innocent enough to stop by the kitchens to collect Arthur's breakfast.

"Alright. I will see you tonight Gaius. As long as I survive the knights _help_."

Talking to Gaius these days seemed to leave him with more questions than answers and there was a new awkwardness that had not existed between them before. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "Be careful Gaius, you still do too much. Can't save anyone if you work yourself ill. We need another pair of hands-and legs, for when I'm serving the Prat."

Merlin left the room with a burning desire to find a corner and immerse himself in the new information, and also to go back and shake himself for trying to be natural with his old mentor far too soon.

Merlin distributed the first lot of medicines quickly, relieved that they gave out any that wouldn't spoil in bottles and jars to last several days now. He managed to avoid eye contact with all but the head cook on the way to Arthur's chambers. As usual she brandished a ladle at him and yelled something he couldn't discern over the heat noise, and bustle of the castle kitchen. He made the usual noises of agreement they all did and wondered where to start, and what destiny would blindside him with today. If Gwaine had worked out that Lancelot knew had Arthur? He didn't think the Prince would take that well if someone else told him. Maybe destiny was in a good mood today. Or busy fucking with some other 'chosen one'. Ach, who was he kidding, Destiny was never a chilled out type; she could probably handle all of them at once.


	37. Chapter 36

He opened the door to his destiny's bed chambers. "Good morning lazy daisy!"

Merlin ducked the pillow hurled at his head. "Okay, not a good morning then. If you knock anything off this tray I'm not going back down for more, that ladle's as deadly as your sword if she decides we've dropped things." He placed the tray on the dining table and approached the bed, this time ready to duck or throw anything back at the Prince. "Food first, then talk, and I do expect some sort of reason for the chicken that isn't going to give me nightmares Sire."

"My head hurts and I don't have to get up. You can't make me."

"I'll fix it as soon as you stop sulking like Gwaine when denied apples, yes, you really do have to, and I absolutely can Arthur. Would you rather I use the cold water method or vanishing the nice warm duvet?"

"I hate you."

"Yes sire. So. Water or duvet?" Merlin grinned maniacally, "I could do both?"

"I'm up you clotpole, no water, not in bed. It makes things… uncomfortably soggy; and takes ages for even an efficient servant to dry."

"You know I could just dry it with magic right?"

"You're going to be insufferable now, aren't you."

"Who me? No, I would never go out of my way just to inflict petty inconveniences on you sire."  
"Shirt."

"You missed something sire."  
"Hand me my damn shirt please. It's colder than my father's heart without the covers."

"Here. Don't say I'm not good to you." Merlin cast a temporary warming spell over the prince. It would wear off as he acclimatised. The fire he did manually, stiff muscles protesting, but recognising the importance of continuing to do most of his work without magic. Arthur might not understand, but he had his reasons, and sometimes it was nice to be mundane and undertake normal tasks that didn't hold the stakes of Albion.

His friend's muscles loosened as the warmth seeped into them and he caught the tunic and undershirt that Merlin tossed him.

Still grumbling but much less averse to accepting the necessity of rousing and dealing with another stressful day of unofficially ruling Camelot.

"Was last night productive?" Arthur sat down at the table, his own breakfast richer than Merlin's, but the warlock was still working on remembering regular food intake whilst the prince was accustomed to that lifestyle at home. The physician's apprentice in him knew that to try those habits would be ill advised.

Merlin dragged hands down his face groaning, "Yes it was. Gwen got what she wanted, and my guide was able to identify a number of useful things and helped me to avoid several traps; not all of the things that I am required to retrieve should be touched before I am formally authorised to. More important is that I have to identify a particular spell using dark magic down there, from years ago. There are a lot of different branches of magic Arthur, and subtypes. One that all but the most controlled and experienced magic users shy away from is blood magic. I've never used it. No one below a priestess level could do so with any safety. It can be used for something good, such as a parent keeping track of an impaired child, but is one that can be twisted to the very dark. Morgause and Morgana's immortal army was the result of a very specific use of blood magic and powerful artefact of the Old Religion. Safe until we were sent to retrieve it."  
"That fucking cup."

"Yes sire, though I suggest you never refer to it that way. It's the Cup of Life. Involved in healing the Questing beat's bite, and Sir Leon. What they did with it was an abomination." Merlin's anger was clear to Arthur in his voice and the set of his shoulders "Morgause tainted something sacred for selfish reasons; for that alone she should have been removed from her position, had Gaius not… Oh gods. I didn't think."

Arthur sighed, "I am trying not to break things right now Merlin and you are not helping. Be clear and unambiguous."

"Gaius defended me against his daughter and I think the injury killed her, it certainly was a severe wound. I was angry about her, didn't hold back much verbally, and he still chose me and Camelot over her, after risking smuggling her out. Not that she's any less of an evil witch, but I'm familiar enough with unwittingly callous comments to know they still hurt when a man's raw."

The Prince frowned pensively. "Are you? I mean that's all some pretty complicated shit, but only he can help you to sort through the mess. I'm the Crown Prince, not God, and having to pick my battles right now because there are fucking hundreds-all of which seem to be spawning mini ones. We don't have much time before I have to be in the council chambers, use it wisely."

Merlin closed his eyes to hide their brightness and swallowed against the ache in his throat that made it hard to form words, use it wisely was sensible, tomorrow was promised to no man.

"You told me no man is worth my tears when Balinor died. That magic could never be trusted at William's pyre. Thanked me for reminding you never trust a sorcerer after you drew your sword on Uther. You killed the woman I loved and were proud of it. I understand accidental hurt Arthur."

Arthur looked stricken. "I did what?" He knew that the idiot was reciting facts because he could actually recall all but one of the events mentioned.

"You were acting to defend Camelot sire. I- Sometimes there are no good choices. Her name was Freya, and she was brave, beautiful; and cursed. I was sure I could break it, we were supposed to leave that night, but I was late that night, just late enough to see you corner her, attack and give her the wound that killed her. I distracted them and she got away, got to me, but it was too late, I couldn't stop the blood; there was nothing I could do to save her. Nothing I would do, my mind was just numb, in shock I think, so I took her in my arms and just ran, as far and as fast as I could. Maybe if I hadn't been in hiding, or if you had known, or Gaius hadn't outed her. So many what if's that I can never allow myself to think of. She's the one I stole Morgana's dress for, and food. That's… That's the dress I sent her to Avalon in. I hope she found her peace there. She died in my arms. It doesn't help the pain, but I think it was less terrible for her than dying alone, or being publicly tortured. She was so afraid here, I wanted her last moments to be somewhere good, clean, I needed to give her that much at least."

Arthur was speechless. If Merlin had killed Guinivere, murdered in cold blood- hell, if Merlin had hurt a terrified Guinivere Arthur would have ended him, and the man in front of him still served him. Was the closest one to him each day, saw the weaknesses and doubts, and didn't abuse them. "I… I don't think I understand you at all; or perhaps I understand more than ever. I know it doesn't help but I am sincerely sorry Merlin, I will endeavour with your help to ensure that what happened to Freya, to you and to Sir Percival, never happens again. It was wrong; I cannot fix the past but I can honour them in this way." There was a pain and compassion in the prince's voice that compelled Merlin to properly meet his eyes and connect.

"I know, Arthur. If I had any doubt of your integrity and desire to change things I wouldn't be at your side. It's not for a lack of offers sire. There have been plenty over the years, though few enough from folk who didn't want to kill you, and that was a problem as you are my friend, and my destiny is to protect you."

"How can you still be near me, even call me 'friend'- especially when I still deny it to people. Not all anymore but…"

"Because I know exactly what carrying the burden of those choices is like, and the terrible cost of a young man's mistakes. How can I avenge her by killing you when some of my own actions have cost innocent lives? I still feel sick with guilt every time I see the damage that can't be made right. I've seen you murder innocents Sire, far too many times, and reluctantly send good men to their deaths, knowing when you gave the command that not all would return to their family. Very rarely are there nice tidy options against a clear big, black, evil one.

I've never intentionally killed someone who wasn't trying to kill you or my family, but that doesn't help the families left behind by my stupidity or inexperience. Holding onto anger destroys people. Look at Uther; at Morgana, at those mothers who tried to kill you when I asked them to walk away. Tell me Arthur, what should I have done?

Revenge was never an option, even if you hadn't been the Once and Future King. Plus, when I did go all vengeance mad on someone before, it left us with no high priestess and apparently an imbalance in the Old religion. Sire, I couldn't then, but now I can sense every life around us, every heartbeat, and though I've never tried it I think I could stop a heart beating. Someone like that who was unable to forgive? Can you even imagine?

I won't try it, I can't." There was a tightness around Merlin's eyes and mouth.

'Don't turn him into a weapon' echoed loudly in his mind even as Arthur's mouth reacted with: "You can do that? Fuck Merlin, why didn't you in battle?"

"So many reasons, like how could I even begin to explain that without magic? Would you really want me to fight every battle for you? You are a warrior Arthur, a great one the victory should be your own, and certain techniques would unbalance things so far unless Morgana stood on the battlefield that it seems wrong. Would you feel right attacking an aggressive child who was sure they could beat you with a wooden sword while you were fully armed and armoured? It's the same. Someone bringing only iron and steel is defenceless against lightning or magical fire, let alone cutting the lifesource. More than anything though Arthur, what if I got it wrong? Or used to much power? Or too little and was slow to intervene, and what if I stopped realising the magnitude of the action by dissociation? Is it easier to kill a man with a word to the executioner and walk away, or with a sword, or with your bare hands in close quarters? You know I'm right Sire; and you have rules, taught to you from birth about the use and exercise of judgement and power. Mine are a lot more… ad hoc. Flexible. They've had to be. The field kept changing, I never had backup unless we were out on patrol or in typical battles. I didn't realise there were enchanted chains until she chained me in the forest for serkets, or that all these creatures existed before Camelot."

Wisdom. Arthur thought, wisdom is why he didn't do it. Even without any training a part of Merlin recognised the dangers; and the same fear that Arthur knew intimately. When the balance of life and death lay in your hands, on the tip of your tongue, at any given moment, it was a responsibility like no other. People weren't always honest, or honourable, and making the wrong decision could be devastating.

"Rules and customs I can teach you. Gwaine and Lord Geoffrey can help with the rules of warfare specifically relating to warlocks and witches as I obviously have no experience in that."

"Uhm.." Merlin rubbed the back of his neck that felt prickly, though not the way of scrying thankfully, merely discomfort of confessing his fears and inaction at times; the inaction seemed as terrible as condemning them himself. It was why he hadn't always hidden from their projected pain. "About customs… and the thing you mentioned last night. I have a starting point now for research; and Gaius has sworn to show me the first of the unmarked mass graves. I have to go with him, It's important. I haven't asked him to take you because I still don't know how much to trust him with after being so taken in and betrayed. You've my word that I will show you as soon as I know. I don't know whether it's the same one Lachlan mention or not. Oh, and the ghost gave me his family's gauntlets and coat. They were in the vaults but aren't magic… yet. He said I'm meant to have one with the crest of my own family, it seems that Balinor made his more personalised."

Arthur sighed, rubbing his temples. "You couldn't just be hiding something simple like an illicit lover or stealing from the royal coffers."

"Never boring, me. It's all part of my charm."

Camelot's prince groaned. "A man can be too charming you know; I am even suspicious of boring George now, thanks to Lord Geoffrey. I trust you to keep your word and show me what I must see. Enchanted chains sound very bad, I think that may be something I should know, Merlin." Arthur was not wearing an expression to be argued with; it was the same one he wore to debrief knights of patrols where men were injured, or the physician about the state of that man.

Merlin sighed, "Look Arthur, there are things that are benefits to you of me being a servant; and there are downsides. One of those is that in court or bringing charges against my 'betters', my word is practically worthless without irrefutable proof. I knew from almost the time she returned to us that Morgana's loyalties had changed. I followed her often when she went to meet Morgause, or spoke to her in other ways, it helped me to protect you, but to accuse the king's daughter of treason and plotting with witches to kill the king and his son? It would have been suicide. More importantly it would have been disbelieved. It's not like that was the first time they tried to kill me. I just got careless and she realised I was following that time. So yes, when they left to begin the attack, I was chained in the woods with chains that tightened every time I used magic or strength to try and escape. The serkets came, and I managed to get rid of some, but not enough and I got stung. Kilgarrah saved me, called him with my last breath and he was thankfully bloody close. I turned up as soon as I had a weapon and enough strength recovered to stand. You of course were a prat and didn't believe me, just shrugged it off, so when I saved Camelot again and fought her and she took credit for it there was nothing I could say."

Arthur looked Merlin over curiously as though checking he was still solid and present. "You should be dead Merlin, no one lives through serket venom."

The warlock sighed deeply, "I'm not saying it was pleasant Arthur, it was even worse than the mortaeus. The pain was indescribable, don't ask me about it, but dragonlords are apparently harder to kill than most men and dragon magic is damn good at speeding up healing for most things." Merlin clenched his fists against remembered agony.

Arthur closed his eyes "I was a fool, I should have seen it. Morgana was different, colder. Darker." There was an emptiness to that which was just wrong.  
Merlin shook his head sadly, "You were a brother glad to have his sister back, even if you didn't know the blood connection yet. That's not foolishness. Just love. It didn't exactly help that you were kept ignorant of magic against your will. Her trust of me was gone because I had to poison her to get Morgause to release the hold over the knights, she made Morgana the vessel. The thing that keeps the spell going. I knew she could save Morgana when I told her which poison, but it was still a gamble that she would care about the woman enough to let go of that bid for power before it was too late."

The Prince looked slightly stunned, of all things he hadn't expected that. "No wonder she spent so much time glaring furiously and smirking at you. Did you know about our real relationship?" There was no hint of the prince's mood in his tone and Merlin cringed, that was Arthur at his most volatile.

"Not then. After she fell- that was my fault; I was trying to stop a prophecy from unfolding. I hadn't learned yet what I have now, anyway, she fell and was unconscious.

Somehow Uther didn't realise I was in the room; Gaius needed the help of a second pair of trained hands, he told Gaius to do anything to save her, including magic. That was the night he told Gaius what she was to him; and the night I heard. Nothing we could have done would help, head injuries are unpredictable and often bad, it was your words, your grief that sent me out that night to demand a solution. An action I'm now ashamed of, and not only because of her actions since. So no. I didn't, but I knew a long time before you did. Gaius was bound to silence on his life. Telling you would be to kill him. Decisions that cost or save lives I really do understand, and never having any other input but Gaius? I didn't always make the right decision. He did his best I think, and so did I but I had one book of spells. The library has odds and ends, but I'd no one to help organise those or make sense of some, so I shied away from the things that look more powerful in case it went wrong. No one who actually still practices the Old religion, though my magic and body still react to it. The magic in me is the magic of Albion, and apparently the goddess, sort of, or the rituals in the centre of the priestesses power wouldn't have worked for me."

"Somehow I doubt he'd have allowed magic to be used to save me. I wonder why. You should have told me. There is so much you should have told me." There was a deep sorrow in the admission and having seen Arthur close to death on too many occasions, Merlin had to agree. He couldn't afford to have Arthur resort to anger and bitterness though, needed him to at least understand it wasn't done to torment him.

"And would you have told Uther? Or acted directly against him while he was at full strength to conceal it? Would I have been shown mercy and banished for services to Camelot? Or would you have acted impulsively in anger, and either burned me or executed me to make an example?"

"I- I don't know." Arthur looked pale, nauseated at the possibilities.

"If you don't then how could I have? If I died nothing would have stood between Morgana and the throne. Or your death. The risk was too high. I care sire. Not just about the regent, or the prince. I care about you Arthur. I couldn't leave you alone. You might turn back into a complete prat for real if I did. Start banishing people for rumours, or screaming at bootlickers, can't have that."

Arthur nodded, feeling like his skin was too tight. "I think that's about all I can take right now and still get through the rest of the day. You have the afternoon after council 'off' for training with Gwaine and beginning to find who your family were, prioritise the training, take your own gauntlets to practice. The reading can wait for tonight, I have to meet with Lord Geoffrey to look over some ancient laws anyway."

"Thanks Arthur. I don't know how to do this properly, and I'm not sure there's any right way, or good way to do it."

"For once you might be right. I think I need to speak to Sir Leon or Sir Lancelot next. Probably Leon. As you said he was revived by that sacred cup, and he seems to consider the city and the further reaches to abide by different rules. Perhaps he has also concluded that certain laws lack honour and justice. I won't know for sure until I speak to him."

"Yes sire. I ask only that you don't tell him who I am. Not yet. Anyone who has stayed with the druids should be handled with care. This is difficult enough with you and Gwaine knowing so much, and Percy knowing some things about us. I trust you sire, I can say it honestly now. I trust you with my life, not my shadow, or Merlin-the-servant's life. All of me. Try and respect that I need a little time to process that, and everything else, before adding more men who know too much. Too many have died for knowing about me already. For it to kill those of the round table… It would break me. Many people have tried already, but none of them understood.

I don't fight because I like it. I don't fight for superiority, or out of jealousy, or ambition. I fight to protect others; and in a few cases, for love- oh don't look so horrified you prat! Tell me you don't love Leon, or Gwen, or Lance. Even Gwaine on occasion. Hel, as mixed up as your feelings are towards king Uther, you still love your father. Thought not. Gwen might actually kill me if I ever did try anything serious." Merlin winked cheekily. He'd never told Arthur he was flexible, and until the last few days Arthur had never confirmed that he knew, though he had suspected that was the case. That it didn't seem to bother him was a pleasant surprise after the prince had internalised the king's other prejudices and professed hatred so thoroughly.

"Of course. You're right. I actually prefer that attitude among knights to the ones who fight for their own pride, or to satisfy a parent's expectation. I won't tell Leon more about Camelot and magic than he is ready for, and no more about you than you are ready for." He rolled his eyes. "The last thing I need in this epic mess is a spooked warlock on top of everything else; or to lose a friend. I need all the allies I can get. You've never wavered and it seems that you have had many good reasons to abandon me. Or your cause."

"The thing about destiny, Arthur, is that you can never quite escape it, no matter what you do. Every time you think you've found one she finds a way to redirect you back, and she doesn't like taking chances. She's always coming for us, whichever path we take between the events that must occur. I've tried to run. The distraction is always removed. It's more than time we both tried a new approach. Trusting each other is a good place to begin I suppose."

"It's a bit late to turn back now Merlin."

"There's that. Are you going to get dressed some time today? If not the council is going to be really awkward. Training could get dicey too."

"Thank you Merlin. Just fantastically helpful. I might be doing so if my manservant had more interest in turning up to anything on time and organising dull things like clothing."

"It's on the bed Arthur, which even you would see, clotpole, if you turned around and focused on your surroundings inside for a minute- and I was on time today despite having four jobs instead of the two I officially have." Arthur cringed slightly as he realised he'd prodded Merlin into full scolding, hands on hips mode; he did wonder if that was a habit of Hunith's the way he'd picked up the Gaius eyebrow,

"Sorry Merlin. Distracted."

The servant-warlock grunted "Yeah. I know the feeling. Just make sure they don't start thinking that you have some kind of severe mental defect too. If they decide it's a Pendragon trait we'll have much bigger problems than we do today."

"Hmm, not a mistake I intend to make." Arthur moved to cooperate with their usual morning ritual of dressing for court or training. "Will you be showing anyone this recently inherited Dragonlord garb of yours?"

Merlin chuckled, "Since I can count on one hand the number of people who know I'm a Dragonlord that would be a no; unless you and Gwaine want to see it. Lord Geoffrey isn't someone I'd discuss the merits of fashion with, unless it was ceremonial and complicated I doubt he has any interest in it, and if I showed Gaius I'd have to explain how I got it and why."

"I'm interested. Maybe it matches one of the crests I hadn't seen before. Is there anyone else at the round table you think might understand?"

Merlin narrowed his eyes, wondering what Arthur had worked out. "Well, Sirs Percival and Lancelot have travelled outside of Camelot's border sire, and Percy's family might have told stories. Lance is a good option, but I think he should see first that you also know and have accepted magic. At least in some of its forms. I'll speak to him Arthur, if you deal with Leon. Perhaps he could remain behind after your council meeting to speak to us together."

"As long as it doesn't make you miss your own training, idiot."

"As tempting as that is sire, I'd hate to have to do the first one again. Gwaine seems less merciful than you with that. I think he might be trying to kill me slowly."

Arthur laughed then, "Don't be such a girl Merlin. Gwaine wants to keep you alive. I'd happily torture you myself but someone would notice, and the time is not yet right for that."

"Thank the gods for small mercies Speaking of time sire, there isn't enough of it. I would like to arrange for the proper laundresses to handle your general laundry, and the stable boys to ready and groom the horses- except maybe Llamrei. I'd suggest a chambermaid, but that would just make me worry about what they could be doing; planting, information they could gather. Your rooms are off limits until I can properly ward and protect them, but that would be noticeably magic if someone did try to hurt you."  
Arthur shrugged into his jacket and sighed. "I certainly can't have you even less focused than you are. Have you ever tried using lists Merlin? Handy things, usually written down."

Merlin looked puzzled, "Yeeees. For collecting plants and avoiding drugging the wrong people."

"Try branching out in their usage. I will agree to the proposed changes if you pursue a solution to our shortage of physicians."

"Isil- a Druid elder is considering those who might be suited to it. If there are any youths who have lost parents there may be a likely lad, or lass among them, anyone of age to apprentice in a family business without family might be glad of a skill."

"Good, but let's see if you can't get someone who can be around it without feeling threatened first, I don't want someone like that getting caught up in Gaius and Uther's mess. You can bring them in later when you've ab extra hand who is genuinely useful to keep them focused. Perhaps Guinivere could find out what's being done with the youths right now; an abundance of disgruntled and disowned young people do not make for a smooth running kingdom."

"The biggest problem there is that those from Camelot won't be willing to use magic. It terrifies them and we are watched as they wait for it to corrupt us."

"True, but they are going to have to learn to accept it, aren't they Emrys."

Arthur could see the beginnings of panic in his servant. Warlock. Whatever. As exasperating as it was, given that the man could face down beasts without so much as a shield, and didn't hesitate to face the undead, Arthur did understand the feeling of being thrown unprepared into a situation. It would take more than a few days to untrain Merlin's hind-brain from a lifetime of fear and suspicion. Always watching, always hiding. Expecting to die at a friend's command; that still plagued Arthur, knowing Merlin had chosen to stay with every expectation of death. He certainly hadn't known about being 'hard to kill' until he tested it.

"Breathe, Merlin. I'm not telling you to show people, but try to get used to the idea a little bit before you accidentally out yourself with reactions, never mind your alarmingly public displays. Nervous doesn't suit you as well as the cocky idiot look."

Shaking himself the warlock nodded. Putting away his anxiety. "You really think Leon can deal with this sire?"

"Merlin. Do you trust Leon?"

"Yes. In almost all things, those knights are like my brothers… just not like you."

His answer warmed something in Arthur's chest and the prince cleared his throat, "Do you trust my judgement then?"

"I…" Merlin closed his eyes, "Yes Arthur."

"I've known Leon all my life Merlin, he's a knight to the bone, his opinions may not line up with his past actions, and he has given me cause to believe that his feelings on magic and it's practitioners have changed. Either way I do need to know his feelings on this matter. Sir Leon is my first knight, and the most experienced of the Round Table, he is very close and could be a vital strength and support, or a fatal weakness if neglected, and dear God do we have enough vulnerabilities to address already. I don't need to overlook another one for the sake of ego and friendship. I suspect that this choice of course will cost me many current allies and so called friends, but I cannot both have Emrys, Lord of the druids and Last Dragonlord at my side and execute sorcerers for the use of clean magic. It hardly makes sense to kill a man for drawing a bath, let alone for healing a man without a cost to others."

Merlin flinched, he hated discussing the balance corrections. "That- the cost? It is known as the balance sire. The balance is innate to this world, it existed before anything, is neutral, but there has been a huge disruption in Albion, your birth, and the Purge, the extinction of entire races of magical creatures, it created a- a debt of sorts. It can be fixed, but only if we fix it, and fuck knows why. The balance isn't evil. It doesn't seek vengeance. From what I can gather it seeks towards absolute justice, but has no sentience of it's own. Theoretically any lives traded that way would be randomly chosen, based on proximity and connection to the one who struck the deal. I can decide. Choose. The book said I shouldn't be able to do that. The balance itself isn't something to fear Sire. Might be wise to acknowledge its existence from time to time now that you are aware of it."

"I'll think on it Merlin; I have even fewer resources than you do and years more of calculated misinformation and obfuscation. We were left open to conquest. People died simply for fostered ignorance." Merlin bit his tongue thinking of the thousands who died in the fires and slaughter of the Purge.

The Prince saw him bridling anyway, "You know what I mean Idiot. This isn't even my Court yet, and someone is trying to bring it down, no one has spoken up or tried to give any hints before. Morgana will not wait to be ready to attack to find a way of getting information, one way or another. If he'd lived my uncle could have helped but he didn't and very little remains of his entourage."

"Wait- go back to the entourage, did anyone survive?"

Arthur grimaced and looked nauseous, "Two. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to. They returned yesterday whilst you were gone, Gaius gave them strong draughts and did what he could, I have to interview them again when they wake. Whoever they are someone sick took out their frustrations."

Merlin ran fingers through dark hair, "Arthur, Morgana and Morgause do not leave accidental survivors from attacks, if they are alive they are free for a reason. You might have your leaks right there, do not let them leave, or catch wind of our activities. Drug them again if possible, and guard them. I have to work out-"

"Merlin they took a man's thumbs, the men are hardly going to help their torturer."

Merlin rolled his eyes at the simplistic statement.

"Hmm, really? You can't think of any other cases where people helped their oppressors?" It was easy for the prat to forget just how new he was to not being someone who actively hunted and executed innocents, however misinformed he was.

It was not easy for Merlin to forget, and he still had nightmares of the Prince changing his mind, this time knowing to bind Merlin with proper cuffs and chains. "Seriously though Arthur, you don't know if there's a hostage, whether they are being controlled, whether they are just plain terrified enough to report back or if they are assassins."  
Arthur rolled his eyes, "Merlin, if they are spies you can feed them false information and know who her eyes are. If we execute them she'll send more and we won't. Father used to spy on us both growing up and I always hated it. Morgana even more. It's one of the reasons I resisted having a permanent manservant, too easy to manipulate- or buy."

"You thought I was safe?" Merlin snorted.

The Prince shrugged, "You were not a bootlicker. That was novel in itself. You had no one here Uther could use against you without harming himself, no apparent ambition to be the top servant, and father found you irritating enough not to try and talk to. I found you insolent, annoying, and unlikely to report my movements to the king, the least efficient servant at your actual job but most tolerable to be around, and quite enjoyed the fact that keeping you on irritated father. I can fire you at will and it's fine." Merlin scowled, "In theory he could, despite you being part of my household; but because he awarded you the position publicly as a reward, to remove you would be to confess an error of judgement. Something the king cannot do. It rankled that he couldn't use you as a means to control me. Now that was worth putting up with terrible personal service for." Arthur grinned, recalling the sour look on Uther's face on so many occasions.

His friend glared at him, recalling the many times he'd had that look directed at him and wondered if he'd been discovered. "Well it's nice to know I have some appreciated talents."

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Yes, yes, you are terribly treated, and life is unfair. I need something better than guards on a door. They can't exactly follow people around all day without being noticed, ah hel, I need to take a leaf from Uther's book this once. If they are active in this castle so we have Uther's spies, and Morgana's to deal with, then I'm bloody well going to have my own network to counter them."

Merlin leaned back, with his arms folded, thinking. "How do you feel about servants Sire, and ghosts. Servants are excellent and we know secrets about fucking everyone, you are literally trained not to see us, and ghosts do have the advantage of not being visible to most and not having to sleep."

Arthur glared at the man, "Servants yes, if properly vetted, you always knew when something was wrong, and Guinivere sometimes helped or handled things for Morgana. I can't tell you how deeply uncomfortable I am about using trapped spirits as spies, both due to their being dead, and because it feels like cheating if they physically can't be seen."

"Morgana has the Sight, and will be scrying, you'll be at a disadvantage if you don't."

Arthur groaned. "God I hate this. Why is nothing simple anymore?"

The servant couldn't quite keep the note of bitterness from his answering laugh, "My lament since I entered Camelot, Sire. I grew up in the home you saw, without a bed, this was not what I envisioned for my life."  
Arthur looked at his curiously, "Do you regret it? Coming to Camelot?"

Merlin frowned, that was a very loaded question. "I don't think there was ever a choice, I'd have been sent here one way or another; this way didn't cost lives. I have many regrets Arthur, how things were done, choices and decisions that backfired, but coming to Camelot is not one of them. Nor is defending you; even before you considered me a friend, because honestly, when we met you were a total prat, and I'd never so much as seen a castle. You- the knights of Camelot were the scary monsters in my bedtime stories. They were frightening, I was taught to always run in the opposite direction and never stop running until my legs could not carry me. As a child, Leon was my biggest bad guy, even more than the raiders we knew. Perhaps if I hadn't ended up forced into such close proximity I would not have had it challenged and learned that each conflict and encounter has two sides. No. I don't regret coming to Camelot. I just wish it had been in more Peaceful times."

Arthur nodded, every conversation with Merlin seemed to leave him with both greater understanding and yet more questions than before. "Fuck. I meant to leave already, I never used to be so easily distracted. Your bad timing is contagious Merlin."

"Oi! Don't make me sound like some horrible disease you prat… and you totally did, seriously the first shapely blonde or shiny weapon and you were lost."

"I'll make you sound however I like, idiot, just try not to attract attention. I'll arrange a guard detail for the two 'escaped attendants'."

"Thank you sire."

Merlin felt a small burden eased, a feeling that increased at the next concession, "And you can have your ghost spies. Or insanity. Whichever."

"Oh no, Eileen thinks Gwaine is crazy."

Arthur nodded his approval,"Sensible girl. That doesn't mean that you are not. In fact it would explain a lot if insane people are drawn together."

Merlin, who had watched the Camelot knights and family for years, actually thought the idea had merit, but it wouldn't do to give the prat the satisfaction. "Yes Sire, we're exactly like birds." His servant drawled.

"Merlin?"

"Yes Arthur?"

"You are literally named after a fucking bird. After you have done the things on your list I want you to try and find something to drink that wakes people up, and is palatable. Better than mint tea, but with the opposite effect of wine."

Merlin snorted, as if he had time for that kind of nonsense, "I will put it on the list of things that I will never have time for but agree with on principle."

"I'll give you a day off." The prince said seriously.

"This is not a priority Arthur."

"Two days off, consecutive days even."

Merlin sighed, rolling his eyes, "I'll see what I can do Arthur."

"Three if it helps hangovers."

"I already agreed you clotpole. Fine. Three days off and I find you some mystical anti-wine drink for mornings! If and only if you stop fucking nagging me." 

"Wow. Someone's touchy. You know there are things to help that." Arthur smirked.

"Yeah. One of them's for entitled prat's to shut up. I guess I'm overdue an unnecessary quest anyway. Usually Gwaine's my go-to for those but we can't both leave; Lancelot isn't likely to humour us on this one."

"Sir Lancelot would do most things if you just asked nicely Merlin."

"No, he do most things if you asked nicely. He'd demand an explanation from me first and refuse to help until he believed it was at least marginally important. Then ask how I could simultaneously be ridiculously brave and such an idiot. I'm never sure whether it's meant to be kind or scolding."

"Trying to keep you alive; what a terrible friend." Arthur raised a brow at his warlock. "I wondered…" The man looked almost nervous, if Arthur ever got nervous, "Does Lancelot know about you?"

Merlin bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair, expression twisting, "He caught me doing magic, but to save lives. He knows some. He doesn't know as much as you do now, and I completely panicked then; I wasn't always careful. I'd never actually told anyone before you and Gwaine. Even Gaius was an accident."

"Of course he was. You seriously thought you'd just live with the man and he wouldn't notice?"

Merlin shrugged. "Hadn't really thought about it, plus seeing the city was pretty overwhelming in itself. The prince just stared at his friend in appalled disbelief, "Hadn't really…? Of course you hadn't. How you are still alive really is a mystery Merlin."

The warlock shifted uncomfortably, "Just lucky I guess."

Arthur wasn't buying the look, but he also wasn't about to question it further, he had too much to think on already. "Armoury, now." He ordered. "I need to get some training in with the knights before we hold Court and make sure Father doesn't- is appropriately attended."

There would be time for reading after that if they were careful and didn't waste time, and as much as he might tease Merlin, when it really mattered he wasn't at all bad, and mercifully had stopped giving Arthur such terrible excuses. Falling into step easily they both walked quickly, Merlin almost knocked off balance when Percy clapped him amiably on the shoulder and Arthur sniggered, the clotpole; leaving Merlin wondering how to get even with Arthur without him noticing when the Prince knew he had magic. That was one downside he had failed to consider and cursed. Maybe Gwaine and Percy would help with that if he asked them nicely.


	38. Chapter 37

There was never going to be a simple way to move forward, and Merlin had hated sharing things that were… Well… personal. When he first decided that he had to try and stop outright lying it hadn't seemed as daunting. Rage he supposed and adrenaline might have fuelled that impulse, or dulled his nerves. The reality of it was quite different. Conflicted emotions roiling inside him left him feeling sick and discomfited.

It _was_ necessary though, this rawness and sharing of painful truths, he had accepted that.

When Arthur asked him about Lancelot he had been sorely tempted to lie, it would be so easy whispered a voice in the back of his mind. He knew, without doubt, that if he caved to the temptation then it would end what had been growing between them. He'd slip back into old habits and Merlin _wanted_ to form new ones. If Gwaine and Percival were risking their necks for it- without magic protection- then he _had_ to. That wasn't going to be easy and went against all his life long training to keep The Secret. With the added pressure of Destiny it was a great deal to expect Arthur to assimilate in a short time.

Arthur appeared sincere in both his horror as he came slowly to understand, and his resolve to change things. Merlin had served him long enough to recognise all of his faked faces and feigned responses to the Lords and Ladies. So he had taken the risk of the truth. Even if _he_ lied the chances of the knight doing so were low. Lancelot would tell him about the Griffin, or why he felt he hadn't earned his title back then and Arthur would know. Bloody destiny.

Watching training was at least a temporary distraction from all of the complicated things. Lancelot was definitely going to be feeling the effects of Arthur's _manly feelings_ for several days to come. Eventually even Leon noticed and suggested Percival spar with the Prince before someone was actually badly damaged. Leon's subtle 'what the fuck happened' looks towards Merlin were a lot less subtle than he thought. Why they all assumed that _he_ always knew what was wrong with the Prat he had no - actually he had a very good idea but really they were knights and should pay better attention. In fairness to them he usually did know… And when he did not the problem often involved him or his absence. Being a sulky, over indulged prick apparently was not not considered considered a 'reason'.

When the men traipsed off the training field, bruised and sweat soaked he threw towels to both Arthur and Percival. Lancelot noticed and caught his eye, brow arching high. Merlin silently rolled his eyes and shook his head almost imperceptibly...or it would have been if he had not been under close observation. Arthur turned to his first Knight, calling him. "Sir Leon. I have something to discuss with you after council. I'll expect you to come to my Chambers. The actual council chambers seems to be almost unusable outside of those times. Let us not tempt fate this time." He nodded to Merlin, who by now had removed the plate armour, and his servant stood and approached Lancelot. Not unusual enough to attract attention as the two were still close, despite their different stations. "Um, Lance? We need to talk."

Lancelot looked at his friend dryly then.

"Can I assume that you have something to do with the uncalled for beating I just took?" Merlin cocked his head to the side, crossing his arms.

"I was in no way consulted about the violence. Possibly. Well probably. If you think he may be using this to channel anger, this would be the result of me taking your advice. The specific advice you have repeated a number of times."

"Think before you act?" Lancelot mock glared as he unbuckled his braces and Merlin rolled his eyes.

"No. Well yes, but that's not what I meant. The other advice." Lancelot paused, looking intensely at Merlin for a minute and noting the evidence of nerves and restlessness. Finally nodding in comprehension he answered,

"Ahh. That explains a lot about the pain I am in."

Merlin frowned, guilt flashing over his features.

"I can fix that when we talk later."

The Knight smiled brightly,

"I certainly hope so. You might want to run that by Prince Arthur first though, he looks… very irritated."

"Leave Arthur to me."

"So you and Percy?"

Merlin laughed, "No. Just good friends. Like you and I. I'm not his type."

Even if he had been it was too soon for Percy, and Merlin could never offer someone all of himself. Half a coin would always need to be with what made it whole. Not many people could share time and care that way. They might be platonic, but Merlin knew better than to think either he or Arthur would be OK without the other. Any queen would be forced to accept that, either reluctantly or willingly, and he couldn't change it even if he wanted to. Merlin snorted,

"Besides, when have I ever been the type to settle down calmly and take up sock darning?"

Lancelot smiled, looking between the two coin halves, not needing to verbalise his comment. "Fine. You see! I have no reason or inclination to expand my sock darning responsibilities. You can all fix your own damn socks. _Without me!"_

"Sooo shall we be having this _talk_ after council orders before?"

"After. Very definitely after. I have to be able to concentrate during it, not be distracted by keeping the peace between you all and defusing volatile confrontations."

Some men might have scoffed at such words from a servant, but Lancelot knew better and merely nodded. "Is Gaius out tonight?"

Merlin swallowed hard, Lancelot knew that Gaius had been aware of Merlin's _talents_ from the start, "Yeah… About that. Gaius and I had a fight. Things have been busy so I-" No, no outright lies dammit. "I was avoiding the subject and have new Chambers. Gwaine and Gwen can give you directions. Arthur's not glaring at _you_ anymore, my time's up."

Arthur was very keen to avoid losing anyone else, and he was still very much in shock from too many revelations in a short time. All of which were serious enough in themselves to deserve his full attention. He needed time, time to think and learn and _plan,_ and they didn't have it. He sighed and decided it was time to call his warlock to heel.

"Merlin, my sword and armour will need cleaned and polished, right now you are to attend me in the council meeting. Don't dawdle all day, wittering on like a fish wife on market day." He couldn't completely change how they appeared to others and didn't really _want_ to, and Merlin appeared to understand as he rolled his eyes and replied sarcastically "Yes _Sire,_ from your lips to the gods ears. _"_

Lancelot sounded oddly strangled in the background but the warlock ignored it and traipsed after the prince as he had been doing since he arrived in Camelot.

As their footsteps faded Percival turned to Lancelot, brow arched, "You too, eh?"

Lancelot tried to look innocent, "Me too what?" Percy chuckled.

"Good luck with that oblivious act mate." Clapping him on the shoulder as he left the armoury, leaving a bewildered knight behind him.

Once the Council session was out of the way they would be able to leave and drop the pretence of not actually being equals- keeping the bickering and ribbing but without the illusion of power imbalance. Not a situation that the Prince was actually upset about, if anything it removed any sense of possible guilt over tormenting the other man, knowing that if it was _actually_ too far Merlin wouldn't only be rebelling but was able to fight back. Albeit _not_ with a sword. Yet.

Then when it was _over_ Merlin could try to cram in some reading and Arthur could do- well- whatever it was Arthur did when Merlin wasn't looking. Maybe see if he could get somewhere with those old dusty tomes.

The extra information about Sir Percival and Merlin added a strange sense of urgency. It wasn't that it had seemed _unimportant_ before, but now the suffering of those who survived had a face, the collateral damage and chaos left behind those who died- no, _murdered_ if magic was innate. They were a visual reminder that those stories continued, unceasing, there was no ending for those left behind. Not like when one situation, quest, or sentence was complete for the king and Prince.

He had a horrible, sick feeling that this was going to nag at him until it was fixed, not constantly, but frequently striking at each trigger, and in the moments he'd see _that_ look in their eyes. One he now recognised as the same grief reflected by the widows of lost knights. He wondered how he had never _seen_ that before and understood, it hadn't been _hidden._ He just hadn't really been looking for it. In all these months he had never actually asked the men _why_ they fought or what brought them to it.

Council went as well as could be expected with the king 'leading' it, and Arthur trying to guide without prompting open conflict in front of the Lords, lest they begin to take sides. Personally Merlin thought it was too late for that, but it wasn't doing any actual damage. Yet.  
Open confrontations between the king and the heir were always bad, and to date Arthur had always relented or bitterly submitted at least in public. Merlin knew that the next major one was likely to be a tipping point for the current balance of power, and with gossip the news would spread fast to surrounding kingdoms. He hoped that it could be delayed until they were both on a more even keel and more confident in themselves with the recent changes.

Throughout it all Lachlan stood opposite the king, true to his word he remained silent, and never broke eye contact, staring straight at Uther unflinchingly.

The king began to look agitated early in the meeting and by halfway through was sweating nervously, his manner becoming increasingly brusque. Merlin hoped Uther hadn't noticed how several of the Lords had begun to glance sideways towards his son when orders were given or an inconsistent response given. Arthur managed to cover most of those slip ups gracefully, but it really had become a matter of time, and the noblemen could sense it. Whether or not it was malignant or neutral they were beginning to evaluate their allegiance and consider where they would stand in terms of favour with Camelot's new regent. Watching. That sort of scheming made Merlin twitchy. Fortunately magic was not involved in any of the day's discussion but that couldn't last, it was amazing that they had managed this long. As the council was dismissed Uther managed to break away from Lachlan's fierce stare, ghosts had the advantage in that they didn't need to blink and Merlin was sure that Uther could feel that gaze following him.

Honestly, after being witness to this he truly hoped no one ever decided to haunt him. He was pretty sure that if they did he would have earned it, but gods he hoped he didn't get a tag-team of them.

Arthur remained, quiet even when they were alone again.

"Merlin? Am I doing the right thing?" Merlin shrugged and turned towards him.  
"I suppose it depends on who you ask. I'm not exactly neutral, but speaking on behalf of those that I am apparently supposed to represent and protect; _yes_ , absolutely. Ending the bloodshed and a genocide is Right. Before I lived all of this I would have asked what you were waiting for, ran ahead. We've both grown since those first days changed, and I think there has been too much needless suffering on all sides, but I respect the way you are laying proper foundations and acting to ensure this is not just a superficial change but a lasting legacy. It will take longer than one man's lifetime for Albion to fully recover, but it can. I was told yesterday- that is, someone said that Albion is holding its breath. You are the air that will revive her. Or kill her. Don't deceive yourself Arthur, if Albion dies, Camelot will fall with her."

A throat was cleared in the doorway, "Sire, you may want to address the _acoustics_ here. Many important meetings are held in the chambers and the _walls_ were damaged by the last attack."  
"Hello Lord Geoffrey. You are prepared for _our_ meeting?"

"Of course Sire."

Arthur turned to Merlin, clasping his hands behind him, "Well? You heard them man. I expect you to begin to address those repairs as is fitting."

"Sire?" Merlin looked at him confused.  
"The _acoustics_ Merlin, like the _other reinforced rooms."_ Arthur hissed and understanding dawned. Both the men beside him _knew_ he was Emrys, and had soundproofed other chambers with magic. He placed a hand on the wall and murmured the spell, a very slight ripple of gold flowing across the walls and door, sinking into them.

"How I ended up with such an idiot as- as _this_ I have no idea. Go on, Gwaine'll be waiting for you."

Merlin blushed, he really should have got that faster, especially given that the only reason he hadn't done it before was so that it was simpler for _him_ to eavesdrop on others.

"Don't forget with Leon, Sire."

"Sir Leon to you." retorted the Prince.

"Not since he wore a very pretty dress Sire." Merlin smirked.  
"And yet _he_ never stole.." Arthur bit that off, remembering, "Do _try_ and hit Gwaine will you, he did miss his own training this morning."

Noting the Prince's self-correction Merlin just nodded tightly, the Prat really was trying… and at last learning _some_ sensitivity. Gwen was good for him. Sometimes.

Arthur was right, Gwaine had been waiting for him with horses, weapons, and what he assumed was food. Having remembered the prat's reaction this morning Merlin had taken a quick detour by his quarters and picked up the few Dragonlord items he now had. Casting a quick concealment spell over them he ran most of the way to the stables. Gwaine awas leaning against the stable wall, chatting to one of the stableboys who blushed on seeing Merlin and tried to melt away without being noticed. Not that it worked particularly well, Gwaine rarely stopped talking and Merlin had _issues_ with not acknowledging people who helped him, even if it was doing their job. "Thanks for readying the horses Dan, how's your dad doing."

The poor boy stumbled over his words in a way that had Gwaine cringing on his behalf but Merlin appeared not to notice, "Much b-better since you g-gave him the medicine, thank you. I'm to- I mean _he_ wants to pay you f'r it. Not right to take somethin' f'r nothin' like." The youngster fidgeted as Gwaine's lips twitched.

The physician's apprentice shook his head, "Forget it, really, we're not in need of it, and that one's easy to make if you know how. Before I came to Camelot I'd never _seen_ a physician, and little coin. Pay me by helping someone else." He grinned, "Aww, and you got me Trixie, hello girl." He stroked her nose and simply asked Gwaine without turning from the mare, "Same place today?"

With the kid having scarpered Gwaine grinned and nodded, "Aye, what Princess wants, he usually gets. Mount up, we've a lot to cover today."

"Like I don't always." Grouched Merlin as he slung the coat over.

"Obviously, but this is new. Need a boost?" Concern flickered across Gwaine's face as he noted the remaining stiffness in Merlin's movements, it stung his pride enough to prompt him into moving faster, muttering denials.  
"Fine, let's go, I could use a break from the castle anyway, lead the way _Sir_ Gwaine." Merlin smiled genuinely, deciding to at least enjoy the ride out.

Gwaine set a fast pace and Merlin followed, enjoying the freedom as the scenery rushed by them. It was soothing, though he could have done without the jostling about, Kilgarrah never had such trouble. He was pretty sure that if he complained about it to the dragon though the bastard would find it amusing. Sympathy wasn't his strong point. Letting his mind drift Merlin didn't try to make conversation on the journey. A short enough journey, but now that he was paying attention he could feel the difference in his bones much sooner. Perhaps it was his magic recognising the reinforced wards, or just a familiar path, but this time he didn't have to concentrate to find the way when Gwaine asked him to take over. The glade was empty too, so Isildur had kept his word, relief flooded Merlin. He needed the break. Gwaine wouldn't demand he be Emrys to him, or that he be _less_ than he was either. He felt more human with his friend; more real.

Dismounting gracelessly as his legs protested Merlin grabbed the coat and gauntlets and rested a hand against her neck, "Go on girl, stay close, there's clover that way."

Gwaine was standing with his arms folded, a pile of weapons and chainmail at his feet.

"So are you going to tell me what you're carrying or do I have to guess?"

"What? There's nothing."

"Just 'cause I can't _see_ it doesn't mean it's not there mate. What are you holding?"

"Dammit Gwaine! Why? How did you not say anything before."

"Waiting till you couldn't pretend not to hear me, plus I'm assuming you had a reason to not want it seen somewhere else. It's not like you don't have experience in keeping things quiet for a reason and sharing what doesn't matter. Don't pout, I get it. The connection without the risk. Gets draining though, doesn't it. Not at first, but over time."

Merlin watched his friend warily, listening, "I'm not about to grab whatever it is mate, relax."

Nodding, Merlin exhaled heavily, "You're right. I never really let myself think about that part of 'after' it wasn't my secret alone, but it got heavier over time. Wasn't too bad at first, especially when there was Will back home, but when he was gone it was only Mum and Gaius. Alright, there _is_ something I brought with me, but you have to promise not to laugh first, ok?"

Gwaine curiosity increased but he just raised a brow at Merlin "Now that it a promise I can't make mate, without knowing what I'm committing to. I will do my best, and if it's too funny I'll let you explain. Good enough?" Merlin snorted knowing it was as good as he was going to get from the rogue.

"Fine. Last night I was down in the vaults, and Lachlan showed me something, gave it to me, you're one of only four people- five- who know what I am, one can't know about this, one is in Ealdor, and I am not about to show Geoffrey things stolen from the vaults. Yet. Arthur is too fancy to ask an opinion of first; despite the similarities of initial exposure you are much more _balanced._ Gods it's painful to even say that." Merlin closed his eyes, not as painful as _this_ he thought. He felt like bloody Morgana asking for opinions on _clothes_. "I'd appreciate your honest thoughts on these Gwaine." Deciding he might as well use the practice for more than fighting without magic Merlin opened his eyes first, looking at Gwaine as his eyes flashed gold, removing the concealment from the coat as he held it and the gauntlets out."

It took Gwaine under a minute to grasp their significance as he reached for them. "Bloody hell Merlin, why would I laugh? You got fed up wearing someone else's armour huh?"

"What?" Merlin's looked appalled, " _No,_ I just- I mean it's a part of who I am and almost everything is gone, and Lachlan wanted me to take it, said it was his own."

"Oh I just bet he did. Merlin? What exactly did this ghost of yours _say_ about these items?"

"That they weren't exactly magic but useful, only the Dragonlords wore them, they carried symbols of their Houses, and my Father's was lost. Seems he shortened his for the fun stuff."

"Riiiight." Gwaine smirked, "That's an unusual sort of cord in the lacing mate, I don't think I've seen it in use before."

"Gwaine!" Merlin bit out sharply. "Don't mess with me. Not about _this."_ Gwaine cleared his throat and sobered, acknowledging Merlin's discomfort. "That cord there is priceless. They weren't only _worn_ by Dragonlords because of the emblems or some petty rank thing, they _can only ever be worn by a Dragonlord_ because they were gifts made by no standard human to be yours alone. There's no maker's mark because none was needed.

They are _bound_ to your kin. You lot were strange, a part of two realms at the same time, straddling the worlds of men and magic. Creatures of the Old Religion yet mortal, they kept the little kings in balance here. This cord here is unicorn hair, and freely given I'd say or right now you'd be trying to incinerate it for the darkness. The coat itself might not be magic, but these were given as gifts to powerful men who were deemed worthy, it _recognises_ magic. Your magic." Gwaine ran his hand along it and smiled, "High quality leather underneath, it's last a _long_ time, well crafted, and the split here will still allow you to ride with some protection from the weather. I'd say that within the House symbols there are runes, intended to soak in the magic of the wearer like a sort of cocoon. It's empty, but you, _you leak,_ going around you spill magic everywhere you go, hell Merlin, with _your_ power, it'd be basically wearing a shield. You've been had mate. Dragonlord ghostie man was telling the truth about it, just not the _whole_ truth, no wonder Uther kept it. I've only seen the technique used a couple of times, up North, and as far to the West as you can get before falling into the see. No idea how it works or why, only that it did, and the guy was a decent fighter. This sort of carving with that level of detailing on the dragons head and knotwork is done by a true master, I'd love to see what _your_ House symbol is but this one is better than mine." Gwaine grinned at his friend, "Go on. Chuck the gloves over."

Merlin did, irritated the he hadn't pushed for better information last night, "Ok, can't tell you anything about these than the look warm and much comfier than anything I get these days. The druid you recognised can help much more."

"You actually see the drawbacks of raw steel?" Merlin shouldn't have been surprised he thought, of all of them it was Gwaine who had fought with little protection and _survived_ long enough to get here, and Percival who fought sleeveless most of the time. Elyan might be a peasant but he was also a smith. His relationship with metal was unusual.  
"Aye mate, I do. Less flexible, cold in winter, but not all of us have such effective long distance weaponry as you, They've plenty of attractions too, and I don't much fancy losing a hand. Now concentrate, coat on, and lets get those knives out. See if you can fight with that over a gambeson any better than full armour." Gwaine picked it up and shoved it towards a rather stunned looking Merlin. Fortunately slightly shocked Merlin was more cooperative than obstinate Merlin demanding answers so it didn't take as long as the knight expected and he followed the directions for stretching before trying anything challenging, Gwaine running through the basic warm up new knights did with him. Satisfied that Merlin wouldn't immediately tear something he nodded and crossed the clearing, unsheathing his own sword.

"Right, draw your knives, smoothly, quietly."

It was easier than the day before, but he could feel his muscles protesting as he used the same movements. "Good. Now come at me, try and land a hit."

Merlin paused, "What, just _come at you_ , what if I hurt you."

Gwaine smirked. "Mate you're not allowed to use magic, trust me. I won't let you actually damage me. I just want to see what your skills really are when no-one is paying attention and you aren't hiding. Now _go!"_ Huffing Merlin allowed that yes, without magic he probably didn't stand much of a chance against either Gwaine or Arthur in a fight between steel, and relaxed. Finding his centre, Merlin attacked. Gwaine blocked him easily, dancing out of reach when Merlin thought he had him. They continued in much the same way for what felt like hours to Merlin. Battling with magic might be tiring but it didn't usually _hurt_ so much. Just as Merlin was trying to work out which way to fall and concede defeat Gwaine called a halt and directed him to sit, drink, and take a break. Sheathing his own weapon the man at next to the sprawled warlock.

"Alright, that was good, your footwork needs serious work, but you're fast, and starting to move _with_ the knives not against them, that'll help with flow, actually dancing might help improve things. You leave yourself open too often, drawing back isn't actually natural to you is it? You are better at defense than offense with blades. Is it the same with your magic?" There was no accusation in Gwaine's voice, just the tone of enquiry of a tutor trying to gauge his students skills.

Merlin winced, "Not really. Magic is something that I don't have a huge variation in strength to weakness. Defensive and offensive are both equally good, healing is weaker, um, I can track, cast my mind I suppose, see what's ahead, but rarely have visions of the future, I try to avoid those. I don't like to kill with it, but have done. Far too many times. I prefer to knock people unconscious if they don't have a deep conviction to kill my friends."  
"Are you the reason for our very enthusiastic, very _loyal_ trees then?"

"Yeah."

"What about the frequent head injuries or unconscious collapse of certain knights."

"No, they do that all by themselves." Merlin shook his head chuckling. "Admittedly convenient in the past, but I'd really prefer you were all more careful. Head injuries are tricky. You can never be certain of the recovery with them, and damage can take time to show. No more, you hear me?" Merlin let the concern that he usually pushed away show.

" _Yes_ _dear._ " Gwaine rolled his eyes, voice dripping sarcasm.

Merlin's expression soured. "You lot really should be more careful you know. I've lost enough people already and Gwaine, I swear, I will drag you back from Avalon to kill you again myself if you recklessly get yourself killed for nothing."

Gwaine softened. "I promise that if I ever do leave you in that way too soon it will be for a very good reason, and you will be beside me or fighting for the same cause, OK? I won't promise you that I will not be reckless, or impulsive. We both know I can't stick to it; and I can't promise I won't die, but it will always be _with you._ Now stop with the mushiness before I am forced to punch you or do something equally physical to prove my manhood!"

Merlin shoved the man away, the seriousness dissipating. "Fuck, don't you dare punch me with those bloody metal gauntlets! It's _you_ and I am not in hiding anymore, so you'll bloody regret trying."

Gwaine dropped a hand to his shoulder with a smile, "Come on, time for a dook in the river, and then we'll go back to face them all. I'll be waiting for you tonight. Who do you need to see before then?"

Merlin grimaced. "Lancelot. He's a good man, but the whole thing is rather complicated, and I don't know how much to explain."

His friend frowned seriously, "That it is. For now, leave my own story out of it, keep him focused; the man's a good defender and cares greatly for you. Anyone else?"

Merlin sighed, "I _was_ hoping to see Lord Geoffrey but I think looking at the books first might be more efficient. Arthur needs some time to think without me present, and when I speak to the old man I want to be surer of myself and which questions I require the answers to. Easier to avoid mistakes and regrets that way. Arthur will need me for late duties, but after that I'm going home to do reading and to set the medicines for morning to steeping. When I've actually done more than glance at the books I'll call Kilgarrah, so tonight is free, or as free as I ever get. Are you going to tell me what you were doing with Gaius last night."

Gwaine's expression darkened. "Asking questions. He has suspicions about things, but I've made clear my policy regarding secrets. He suspects my parentage, but not that I am aware of it all; has concerns about my intentions towards _you_ , and disliked my pointing out that you are an adult, and despite being an idiot, are no fool. Was willing to discuss some aspects of Camelot's history with me after some very specific questioning, it was worth doing. Why?"

"He was just- not _different_ , but not what I was expecting this morning is all."

"Aye, I know. It's come as a bit of a shock to all of you in different ways. I think he'll at least be a bit distracted from your scheming with Arthur for a bit though."

"Should I ask?" Merlin raised an eyebrow, wondering what his friend had managed to pull _this time._

"Not tonight. Tonight we rest. Fuck knows we deserve that much!"

Merlin nodded wanly, "Not to sound like some insecure kid, but would you mind staying tonight? My room's just not _mine_ yet. Bed's big enough to share, or I can take the floor, but I'm alone enough, and I'd got used to coming home to _someone_. Not riveting conversation or delicious food, but having someone who didn't look through me or see a _mere servant_ makes things more bearable, if you're interested in coming by some nights."

"You're no 'mere servant' Merlin, you never were, and frankly you make a terrible servant by nature, even _they_ agree. The ones that don't idolise you fear you."  
 _"Fear me?!"_

"Well sure. You went out without weapons to face a dragon, have argued with all three royals, escaped the dungeons more times than some knights know you've been in there. You are a contradiction, and you always return. Not unscathed, but every time. Then you get back in the training field with a pissed off prince for you being missing knowing he'll beat you around the ring and try to cover up his relief you are still alive. You're a bit mad mate. There's all _sorts_ of rumours about you pair, never mind who you're all fucking or not, the only thing that isn't suggested is magic, and I'm fairly certain it's because that's illegal."

"Gods Gwaine, how do you even _know that_?!" Gwaine grinned shark-like,

"Well Bertha in the kitchens is _very talkative_ , and Fin doesn't do well with long silences, and Annie from the laundry is a bit in awe of you. Turns out _some people_ believe I may be a little irresponsible with my pay and so more likely to place bets. Costs me, but an excellent source of information and gossip notes, don't you think?" Gwaine winked at him.

"You are _diabolical._ You know that?"

Gwaine shrugged. "Maybe; but diabolical _and alive._ Can't argue it doesn't work."

Privately Merlin agreed, but still growled, "And you have _got to_ stop seducing the servants."

"Merlin, I have _never_ engaged with anyone against their will and never will. Most servants are so used to nobles trying to take what isn't theirs it's novel to be _invited_ , and they are far less shy with their own approaches than other people. I'll always respect folk's limits, but I'm not going to turn down an offer of a couple of warm nights with someone keen without a reason. Not really the type for taking a wife, am I?"

Merlin raised a brow, "I thought you were the type for 'do they have a pulse?' actually. Didn't know you had a screening process, though you certainly manage to glean information very usefully." 

Gwaine looked aggrieved, "'Course I do. Everyone has a screening procedure. Mine's no-one looking for the happily ever after I can't offer. No one who'll actually _love me,_ I need the element of danger and know it. Calm doesn't suit me; and I never really stopped moving until Camelot- not as an adult anyway. Wasn't so much an option before, and it was either someone who was only looking for a tumble, or someone who'd run with me. Not many folk happy to do that without a full plan."

Merlin groaned, "Aye. Well, I always did think escape plans were overrated."

"Nooo, _you_ preferred escape unexpected explosions or fires!"

Merlin was only mildly surprised now when Gwaine let things slip, "That was _one time_ Gwaine!"

"You were pissed at the pair of us for butting heads and not seeing you. I hadn't expected to see you both there. Just as well they'd no fucking idea who you were or things would have been far messier and you'd have been better guarded."

"Being captured is never part of any plan."

Gwaine looked at Merlin disbelievingly, "Ok, so no _good_ plan includes being captured by the enemy."

"Uhuh. Better. We never did thank you for that fire though, and should have, after all, without _that_ we'd all have been 'pushing up daisies' was it? Not enough to satisfy even her ladyship."

Merlin cringed, "Dammit. Do you think she'd notice if I cheated?"

Gwaine paused, "Well I suppose that depends on whether she knows you have magic or not."

"No. Not yet anyway."

"Then as a one off I can't see any reason _not_ to, you're simply prioritising orders from the king over hers."

The warlock sighed, "I'm not sure where they stand on that right now. Once it was clear, and I could more or less assume Arthur's support for Gwen's demands or instructions, with her caring for Uther they were spending more time together- at least before this.

Lancelot makes things untidy. I don't know how to deal with this one, they all have their reasons, frankly I've no idea what Gwen wants anymore, and I'm not sure she knows either. Did you know she used to fancy me? Morgana even tried to encourage that. Weird in some ways but she was well acquainted with Court rules. When she was married off to whoever was useful she could probably take her maids, no guarantee, but then they'd belong not to her but her husband. She cared enough back then not to want that for Gwen. Arthur and Gwen have stability and potential, and she and Lance have chemistry and a shared understanding of life from growing up and living as peasants. It's what she expected for life."

"You never pursued her or took the offer?" The knight looked honestly curious but without any visible opinion.

Merlin snorted, "Too many lies to keep track of Gwaine, and as you said, danger. They had to be ready to run, always, anyone I _warmed_. Gwen had too many ties here, was too honest, and for your ears only, I grew up a _real_ bastard. Not some fancy king's half-breed, an honest to gods afterthought, unwelcome to all but mum, and stopping her from finding someone else to love her. We almost starved too many winters and she went without before I was old enough to understand and refuse her rations. I can't risk doing the same to some innocent girl. Or child, however unintentionally. They'd inherit my talents, one way or another on top of the usual stigma. I was born with a price on my head, no fault of my parents really but it isn't a burden I'd want to saddle someone else with."

Gwaine nodded slowly, knowing that Merlin wasn't big on sharing things about his past for good reason, "Makes sense, you're a better man than many." Merlin grunted something like acknowledgement and avoidance. "Hmm. Do we know what Lance wants."

Merlin sighed deeply, "Yes." He wished he didn't. Ignorance would truly be bliss in this.

"Ah. What about Princess?"

It was a risky question Gwaine thought. He'd never interfered between Merlin and Arthur, most of the time they seemed to him like brothers, but then every so often there would be intense looks or 'moments' that didn't seem very _brotherly_. Whatever they were Merlin currently was the person closest to the Prince, first to see him in the morning, last at night, and when the man took a wife, as every king _must_ it would be difficult for them both to adjust.

"Fuck knows. It _was_ her, I _think_ it's still her, but they are less firey together than before. Quieter. He still needs someone sensible, cool headed to balance him out. Gwen provides that."

Gwaine nodded, "Plus she is already on the council of the round table and she's familiar with Camelot. Convenience."

The warlock frowned, "Not really, It would be going against the fundamental class system and ranks that have been followed for generations. Look, I've met most of the princesses around here and served them, and there's not a single one so far that's safe and sane. No more mad-women in the crown of Camelot thanks. One is more than enough."

"Please tell me you are talking about the Witch."

Merlin glared. "Hell yes, who else?"  
"No one," Gwaine replied too quickly. "So you think Gwen _should_ be Queen with Princess?"

Merlin pressed his lips together, "I think that they should be allowed to choose who they want, not have to try and jump through ridiculous hoops, and wed to please a bunch of fusty old men who it doesn't really effect. Uther has tried to force both his kids into what would have been deeply unhappy unions, even the ones where killing them wasn't the intent, and prohibited more. It shouldn't matter what life a man was originally born to. Though I'm also against marrying as young as is common in some places, and less concerned than some about specific combinations."

"Can't argue with any of that. If we could, I'd vote for you to be king. Or law maker. Those there are laws I could get behind."

Merlin chuckled, "You would. All we have to do now is convince them to instate voting as a part of life outwith the council."

Gwaine sniggered, "I'm sure we could persuade them."

"Fuckoff, there's no way. I'll be casting elaborate, colourful spells in the great hall legally before they accept _voting_ or democracy _._ Or any of the other 'ocracies' in Geoffrey's books."

"Almost definitely, I mean that _is_ the plan, isn't it." Gwaine stated calmly.

Merlin tilted his head, seeming distracted, "I suppose, it's just that I'm so used to working in the shadows, what if I can't do what is necessary openly? What if losing the advantage of surprise means our defeat? What if Arthur _sees_ , I mean _really sees_ what I can do and changes his mind?"

Gwaine groaned, " _Merlin,_ you've told him honestly about this, you haven't lied and told him it's not dangerous or can't be used in battle, you've already confessed to having blood on your hands like we do. Princess can be a self absorbed prick about many things but he knows the complications that come with power, and having to make decisions that affect others. He knows the making mistakes is inevitable, even with advice- which you did not have the benefit of. Kilgarrah might be wise and experienced, but he lacks a human perspective which you must wrestle with, and Gaius...well… He will forgive you. Prince Arthur murdered my brat of a half brother, which complicated things, but he was too young to know his full options. He brought famine and drought on his people, and you know that had long term, unfixable consequences. So does he. Men and women like you pair have greater triumphs and greater regrets than small ones like me. He is _not_ going to change his mind. Your refusal to claim it's all harmless and benign is actually a point in favour of trusting you."

"Oh gods, Gwaine, there's something horrifying in the vaults that I really wasn't expecting."

"Well yeah, of course there is." Gwaine frowned, "What is it exactly?"

"No idea. That's the problem. A curse with blood magic set by a high priestess who must now be dead."

"Riiiight, aye, that's not good news, blood curses never are. How do you know she's dead though."

Merlin sighed, "Because it's been there a _long_ time and when I killed Nimue she was the last High Priestess."

"Ah; and now you are caught in the trap of self doubt." Gwaine tried not to roll his eyes.

The warlock closed his eyes in frustration, "I just don't know where to start with this one."  
Gwaine opted for being the calm voice this time. "Well, start with prioritising. Is it harming Arthur?"

"No, not as far as I can judge."

"Alright. Then it comes behind you doing some personal research about your history and learning important skills to meet the Catha with. Then you speak to _them_ about complex blood magic and rituals, if rumours are correct then they'll be better able to help than the Druids, and less intimidated by you, if only slightly. Then you won't accidentally fuck it up, and they're oath bound to serve the dragonlords until the appearance of Emrys, their loyalties won't be split."

Merlin remained silent until Gwaine draped an arm around him and squeezed a shoulder and he let go of a breath he hadn't realised he was holding, "Thanks. Really, thank you, for everything."

"Nothing to thank me for mate, it's what friends do, or so some idiot in the wind taught me."

Merlin snorted softly, "You should stop taking instruction from idiots, it's bad for you."

"Depends on the idiot I guess." Gwaine grinned at him, disturbed when he saw the darkness settle in his friend's eyes.

"Maybe. I'm bad for people though."

Gwaine rolled his eyes and nudged him, "Nah, you just attract the type who seek out danger all by themselves. You think I didn't make my own enemies all these years? Hell, even Lance has those."

Merlin bit his lip wondering if he should speak or not, but so far the results had in general been positive, at least with this man. "Will didn't."

His face was easy for Gwaine to read, "He was your best friend, huh?"

"Aye. My first friend. Only friend for a long time." sighed Merlin. He had avoided talking about Will's loss even with Gaius, and his own personal tragedy had been overshadowed for the others in Camelot by other things.

"I bet he was the only other adrenaline junky in the village and you both goaded each other into more extreme actions and riskier pranks. He knew about you, didn't he?" Gwaine smirked,

"Sounds like you met him on your travels."

"Nope. Wasn't lucky enough. We make our own choices, even when tangled in destiny, Will knew what he was choosing. It was a calculated decision, he just decided that you were worth the risk. Think Merlin, did it seem like he regretted it?"

He shrugged guiltily, "No. Not as much as he should have, but he was scared at the end."

"All men are; it's the moment you realise how deeply alone you are and who you never told goodbye. It doesn't mean they'd make different choices. He was young, wasn't he?"

Tears pricked at the corner of Merlin's eyes, "Aye. Too young. We all were. I was supposed to be there alone, not with the others." His voice was thick with the memory.

Gwaine sighed, wishing his friend had spoken to _someone_ in all the years he'd been in Camelot about things that truly mattered. "You'd have done the same for him, wouldn't you."

Merlin answer was instant, "Yeah. If I'd known."

The knight nodded, squeezing a shoulder again. "So respect _his_ choice and his courage. It wasn't you who killed him, or his knowing about you that cost him his life or it would have been much earlier, yeah? How many risks did he take daily? You seek it out instinctively Merlin, people like that, so does Princess. If you were afraid then he would never have kept you around by choice. If danger didn't attract you then you'd never have been in the tavern to meet me, or have followed him on quests. Leon wouldn't have got to know you, Morgana would have fallen sooner to the darkness- don't think I'm buying that was an overnight thing, or that you withdrew the moment she made decisions that endangered you. You have to let go of the guilt that is not yours to carry."

"You make it sound so simple." Merlin's smile was laced with a bitterness that hurt Gwaine's heart. "It is. Not to let go of guilt or regret for choices you have made, or the learning and memory of people, but you can't carry all of it, and those that were never your responsibility or fault."

"You have so much faith in me. In us." The warlock's tone reflected his awe and fear of it.

"'Course I do. What else should I have faith in if I can't trust you pair?"

"I don't deserve it Gwaine. What if- what if we _fail?"_ Gwaine looked at the barely disguised agony in his friend's face, "Then we will go down _fighting_ , leaving legends in our wake to inspire men through the ages to stand for justice and fight for what is right. Don't you think you're getting out of writing those either, I expect my name to be remembered mate. If you don't I'll have to come back and haunt your ass until you do it." He winked but Merlin heard the sincerity in his first words. Something inside him loosened as his friend gave him tacit permission to be less than some demigod, to try his hardest and fight to the last breath, but to be _fallible._

No one had ever actually done that before. Certainly not since he was named Emrys. The figure of prophecy was meant to instinctively _know_ how to fix everything, always on a tight time limit. He hadn't even been an adult when than had been demanded of him without warning, and even Gaius hadn't _really_ accepted that he was both Emrys _and_ 17 and what that meant. It seemed like there had been a mistake, some malfunction with the prophecies for what was expected, but this was what the goddess had presented as a solution, so they'd just have to work something out together.

"Come on, we'll be late if we dither any more, and I owe you a proper soaking for yesterday."

They were slightly late back, but not enough for Arthur to comment given his own preoccupation.

"How is Leon?" Asked Merlin quietly when they were finally alone in a shielded room.

"Conflicted, but not because of what you might first think." Arthur sighed. "Sir Leon has been a knight for a long time Merlin. He has _hunted_ many people, and brought many to what was called 'justice'. It seems he has had doubts for a long time, but he also had orders, and family to protect. Leon is not in disagreement with me and will support us, but he is not ready to know all of it yet. There are years of memories, and nightmares that will come for him first. He must find a way to make his own peace with that, however fragile, before I give him completely opposing orders.

The understanding that this persecution was wrong does not come without cost for men like Leon, and he is... _broken_ tonight. He had already begun quietly overlooking the druids after being healed in their camp and seeing more clearly than I did. I will bring him into a meeting with the more aware members of the round table when he has had a little time to come to terms with his actions and the implications. Leon is loyal to _me_ Merlin, he will not betray us, but to throw you in his face right now would be cruel. If he works it out himself then don't lie, but I'd prefer to give him a couple of days grace before putting a face and identity to our victims. That's not to say they should not be _real,_ only that it would be overwhelming. The only reason I haven't caved under it is because I am almost king and have been raised to deal with similar pressures. Leon has not. Neither were _you_ , but you are _very_ different people, thankfully. Anyway, how was training today? You look terrible."

Merlin rolled his eyes and groaned, "Painful; but you knew that already. I'm like one giant walking bruise, I'm aching in places I didn't know I _had,_ and I can't believe I let you talk me into this in the first place. Bloody sadist." He appreciated Arthur keeping _him_ out of the discussion with his First Knight, he _liked_ Leon, he really did, but that didn't mean he was ready to deal with even _more_ attention within Camelot.

Arthur grinned at him, "I did, I just wanted to hear it from you, and nope, there's no blood. Yet. Gwaine's being careful. Thorough, but careful. I'm almost disappointed, but I suppose it _does_ maintain your capacity to function as my servant, you really can't afford to become any less efficient."

The warlock smirked over at his employer, _"He_ seems to think he's not allowed to break your toys."

Arthur leaned back against the table, "Funny, I'm sure I remember giving him explicit permission, _encouragement even,_ to train you properly and not skimp on the effective lessons."

"Effective." Merlin said flatly.

"You don't have much time, pain is effective to train your instinctive physical response faster than if we do it without consequences." Arthur said seriously.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you _like_ seeing me hurt _sire."_ Merlin narrowed his eyes.

Arthur sighed. "I enjoy sparring and throwing each other around, but your pain is only amusing when I know there is no _actual_ risk to your wellbeing and safety, alright. Tell me you don't enjoy watching me fall on my ass on occasion or sport bruises from certain _less wise_ decisions." He raised a brow in challenge and Merlin reluctantly acknowledged that yes, there were occasions he found his friend's pain hilarious; but only ever when he was _safe_ in reality. "Fine. You're still a prat." He was, after all, trying to give up direct lying.

"And you are still a dollophead, but now you'll be a dollophead with better survival instinct, because clearly you have been missing those for years."

Merlin hesitated before answering, "Arthur… Thank you. For being my friend, through all of this chaos. For not forcing things we're neither of us ready to hear, and being willing to ask bigger questions. The whole fucking world changed around us and you haven't. That means more than I'll ever be able to explain. I should go before it's too late to cover the medical rounds, will you need me further tonight sire?" This time he spoke respectfully and it unbalanced Arthur, as it always did when Merlin spoke with deference.

"Um, no, I believe you have other remaining tasks to complete which I granted more importance, I am sure the George will suffice for one night. I expect you at the usual time tomorrow."

Merlin smiled, it still surprised him to be allowed the time required for all of the _other_ jobs he had to do, mere weeks ago he'd still have had to _do_ the extra, he just wouldn't have had the time allotted for it.

"Thanks Arthur. I'll wake you in time, no more dull brass jokes than absolutely necessary. No promises about casual violence after what you pair have inflicted on me. The _wrath of Emrys_ is feared throughout Albion and beyond, don't you know?"

The Prince shrugged, not looking the slightest bit intimidated, _"Please_ , you've had worse without whining and we both know it; which by the way I expect you to show me and explain one day, when you are ready. I don't like the look of some of those scars Merlin, I'm no healer, but I know a near fatal wound when I see one, and I was wondering after this afternoon's discussion with Lord Geoffrey if those were not a major cause of your random days or weeks off. Oh, don't panic. I haven't expressed any judgement of Leon for his augmented healing, and clearly I've benefited from the same, I can hardly chastise _you_ for using it, especially while _unconscious_. Our archivist explained the lack of control that can occur for certain types of magic users in such situations." He looked incredulously at Merlin, "Why you didn't run from this city the first time that happened I've no clue."

"Well, if I was going to scare easily and run it should have been the first day, I arrived the day of an execution."

"Aaaand _you_ decided to unpack and stay?"

"I was really hungry, and I couldn't exactly go back to Ealdor." There were many reasons for that but he wasn't about to explain _those_ to prat. "I see. One more insanity point for the Merlin scale then. Have you eaten anything today?" Merlin frowned guiltily.

"A couple of apples after training, plenty of water though." He retrieved the first two books he needed to begin his research when he _did_ get home.

Arthur sighed wearily. "Consider this an order then. You are going to speak to Sir Lancelot, as we agreed, _then_ you are to return to your chambers and consume _at least_ two chunks of bread, with cheese and several slices of the boiled ham the cook has put aside. If you do not, I shall have Gwaine go _twice_ as hard on you tomorrow, pain or no pain, and you will regret not taking care of yourself in ways so basic that a three year old would understand. I will not have you fading away and causing my people cast aspersions on my care of my own household. I cannot exactly expect them to trust me to care for a whole kingdom if one of my own is going hungry, and you are too noisy, unsubtle to go unnoticed." Arthur managed to make the whole thing sound like he was personally offended and not once admit he cared.

It raised a smile as Merlin took comfort in the familiarity amongst all of the upheaval as he replied sarcastically, "Yes sire, wouldn't _dream_ of disgracing you by swooning like a maid in tight laces. Goodnight Arthur."

"Goodnight." The man didn't look up as the door to his chambers swung closed but he didn't need to. After years of such proximity the two men understood each other well enough not to need to be looking to know the other's expression.

Arthur doubted he'd be getting much sleep that night, he _knew_ Leon wouldn't. He'd understated Leon's reaction to Merlin intentionally as he couldn't fix the past, and Merlin had his own nightmares. No need to add those of the 'other side' too.


	39. Chapter 38

Silently promising himself not to fall into a habit of doing so, Merlin conjured a bouquet he knew would please Guinivere, she'd always preferred fragrance to matching colours; most servants did. If he got that out of the way then there would be one less low level distraction.

Having delivered them to a Gwen who'd had to deal with Uther after council he was rather glad she hadn't been forgotten, and he could focus on dealing with Lancelot. He wasn't difficult to find, not being prone to spending long nights in the tavern or missing, and Merlin was struck by an unfamiliar sense of awkwardness that he was unaccustomed to associating with the most noble of the knights. There had been enough nights that Lance had kept him from stepping too far over the invisible line to come back, taking a deep breath he knocked, the short moments spent waiting for an answer seemed to stretch out between them. For all Lancelot had pressed Merlin to _tell_ Arthur as long as they'd known each other he wasn't sure exactly what the man expected the outcome to be. As the door opened Merlin was met by a wide smile and pulled into an enthusiastic hug by the usually less effusive man, the door swinging shut behind him before he could think.

"Congratulations! I take it he's not reacted too badly since you're still breathing and unbanished, told you he wouldn't! Sit, you've been working all day at the least."

A slow smile spread over Merlin's features, "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you were right after all. There's still a lot he doesn't know, a lot for us both, but he _knows_ Lance, he knows who I am, what I am, what we are supposed to be together. He hasn't thrown me in a cell, burned me, or banished me- I had back up plans for _that_ scenario at least but they were complicated." Forgetting his bruises he slumped down into the chair, receiving a rude reminder that startled a gasp from him and a raised eyebrow from his friend. "He's getting some sort of perverse satisfaction and revenge by having Gwaine knock seven bells out of me, officially to make a change of position less suspicious and such. I'm not convinced it's not just to inflict pain on poor, defenceless manservants." Merlin scowled as Lancelot laughed, "You're hardly defenceless Merlin, and now the Prince knows it, so there must be some kind of plan. He'd forgive _you_ almost anything I think."

"Aye, well, we haven't got to discussing all the various things to forgive yet, one step at a time."

Lancelot nodded, "So when did _this_ happen? I haven't seen much of you recently, not even when I made some excuses to drop by the physicians chambers."

"Not long. You remember that truth spell?"

"The one where you didn't tell anyone anything? Yeah."

"It was after that. Not immediately but… things happened. There are certain things that have been hidden from both of us and can only be made sense of if we are working with the truth. It'll be a long time before we can make sense of it all and entirely put aside the anger and heal. Arthur is having to deal with realising the truth of what Uther did. I'm- well there are good reasons for my moving out of Gaius' home."

"This isn't just a case of Arthur finding out about _you_ and magic then, huh?"

"It's- no, it's not. It's bigger, this is the beginning of Emrys and the Once and future king. Honestly it's been a bit overwhelming."

"A bit?"

"If I actually had the chance to sit and think about things I may not still be sane, but it's fine, because I don't, so no time to turn into a crazy person."

"Waaaay too late for that mate."

"Weeell…"  
"How long have I known you? First time I stayed in your home you went off to face a griffin on the off chance you might be able to defeat it and used blue lightning lances in sight of the city. The crazy was never that well disguised."

Merlin snorted as Lancelot held out a mug of surprisingly palatable ale. "Fine. Still, let's not knock the sanity of the amazingly powerful warlock. There is a seriously disturbing pattern in the lack of those two things occurring together. I still fear that. More than I ever feared Arthur's response to the truth. I can protect him- protect all of you- from almost anything, but not from myself."

"That isn't going to be you, my friend. Ever. You're _Merlin;_ you're also the best man I've ever known, and the bravest." Merlin shifted, wincing as the bruises throbbed, "Did you tell Arthur yourself in the end or did he catch you?"

Sighing, Merlin drank deeply, "I told him… and showed him. I think he would have figured it out if I hadn't, some of the questions he's been asking would have led to him discovering things eventually."

Lancelot chuckled, "I've been saying that for years though, they never did."

"Yeah, that's actually a little concerning. I mean, he's an idiot, but he's not completely stupid in other respects, it's a weirdly specific form of idiocy." Merlin frowned in thought.

"He's not the only one." Lancelot rolled his eyes, having been witness to many of Merlin's crazier choices since meeting him.

"How is that any _less worrying?"_ the Warlock exclaimed.

One of Lancelot's eyebrows climbed higher as he replied, "It really isn't. Working together though I think you'll catch each others major blind spots. How does it feel? Not hiding."  
There was a pause before Merlin began speaking in a quiet and controlled voice, "It's amazing Lance, more than I could ever have expected. Draining, and I feel _naked_ all the time, open, but it's not _bad_. I'm still anticipating the constant threat, waiting for the blow to fall, even though he's made clear there's no scheme to do that, unless it's to get Gwaine to kill me slowly. My emotions are all over the place, but that's not just from finally being honest with Arthur. When I'm spoken to it's _me,_ not a shadow, my name isn't just a handle for half of myself and I hadn't even realised how fragmented things were. It's amazing and terrifying at the same time."  
Lancelot grinned, seeing the wonder in Merlin's eyes, his friend had been hiding his whole life, even the few who had known of his magic hadn't been told, it hadn't been information he shared willingly. He'd half expected his young friend to refuse to tell anyone at all even if it consumed him. The injuries he'd accepted rather than give himself away hadn't instilled confidence, but Lancelot had never given up on him, deciding that one person knowing and accepting him was better than none, and likely the only way to foster a sense in his friend of safe sharing being possible.

"I'm proud of you. I think you'd rather have faced a monster unarmed than that conversation. So what now. Is he going to lift the ban?"

Merlin's smile dropped away, "Yeah. Yeah he is, just not right away."  
Lancelot was quiet for several minutes. "Do you trust him? Not to cast doubt, but you must have considered his motives for that."  
Merlin answered him seriously, of course he'd had his moments of doubt. "I trust him. If it's forced suddenly upon a population of frightened people they'll fight it; panic, and if he puts it to the council right now his position isn't secure enough to force their submission, Uther's still king, if only in name. For it to be accepted and the changes to be lasting it can't be just some impulsive reaction to finding out about me, or even just that we aren't all evil. We have to get this right, if we don't it will cost innocent lives and there's been too much bloodshed already. There are things I can't tell you, but you know that, there always are, and I probably owe much of my sanity to you being ok with that."

Lancelot cringed at the idea of a less sane Merlin wandering about. "Are you going to tell anyone else now that Arthur knows?"

"Slowly. Two guessed, both of whom were on our last quest, so with Gwaine and Percy that's a handful who know now. I can't handle any more than that right now, it's a big enough change to get used to as it is. I don't think Arthur's sanctioning open discussion of any of it yet, too dangerous and it could get people hurt, so this is definitely something that remains quiet an is left between the five of us. At least for now." Lancelot nodded, he wasn't the gossiping type anyway, and there were few enough people he'd be willing to discuss important matters with.

"You told Arthur I knew then? He was not gentle in training and it certainly _seemed_ personal."  
Merlin sighed, "I told him. I'm so fed up of secrets Lance, he asked me outright, and I over rode my strongest instinct to lie. If I hadn't it would make it easier to do the same next time. Sorry about making you collateral for that. You want help for the sore spots?"

Lancelot shook his head, looking over his worst injuries "No, there's nothing serious and I suspect the Prince might just notice in the morning and decide I'd skipped the lesson, the second time round it would be twice as uh- _enthusiastic_ discipline. Better just to accept the first round I think and let it wear off naturally. Could have been worse; he could have followed the current law for someone harbouring a sorcerer."

Rolling his eyes Merlin retorted "Warlock; and that one is going to be changing first. Apparently it would be problematic for the Regent to technically be a traitor. So I'm told."  
"Does he have a plan for actually changing that?" Lancelot asked curiously, he disliked Merlin's default methods as they always involved some measure of deception and it went against his grain. He respected the necessity, but preferred to confront things honestly.

Merlin smiled, "Yeah, he does, and it'll work. Uther's an evil bastard, but he wasn't actually that bad at managing people, and he did teach Arthur that much."

"Good. I look forward to no longer being a criminal of the highest order." Lancelot nudged his friend and smiled.

"I look forward to no longer endangering your life by simply knowing your name. Change is coming Lance. We just have to be patient a little bit longer." Really it had already begun, but Merlin tried to keep his involvement of Lancelot in subterfuge and plotting to emergencies, of which he'd had plenty. The knight was more cautious than his magical friend, who managed to find positive things even in the darkest places, but he hoped that Merlin's optimism wasn't misplaced. He'd urged the man to be honest with Prince Arthur, but he'd also seen the man's quick temper on more than a few occasions and been concerned about the immediate reaction.

His expression must have shown something as Merlin clasped his shoulder tightly forcing Lancelot to look at him, "You've always trusted me when it matters Lance; it matters now, this isn't a way to avoid dealing with me having magic, and I swear that you'll understand when it's time. Arthur's pissed at you hiding this, but he'll get over it. Maybe plan for a few rough days in training. I really need to deliver the last sleeping draughts now, but I'll be around. Things are just a bit busy right now, meantime don't do anything I wouldn't."

Lancelot laughed, "That really doesn't prohibit much. Be safe Merlin. Please. I've put too much effort into keeping you alive for you to throw it away."

His friend snorted, glad that Lancelot at least hadn't noticed _that_ aberration yet, "'Night Lance, see you later."

Picking up the medicines went more smoothly than he'd anticipated as Gaius was out on call, a note lay next to the potions to explain there was a girl in the lower town running an unexplained fever. Merlin hated fevers. They usually indicated either infection or something transferrable, he hoped it would be a simple case and non contagious, but he'd find out one way or the other in the morning. Maybe Arthur would allow him to try a magical solution if traditional medicine failed the child, though that working would be far safer for them all.

As soon as his deliveries were complete Merlin turned towards home, lost in thought as he wandered through winding hallways. When he reached his new chambers it was to find a slightly cleaner rogue knight leaning casually against the wall opposite his door. His confusion showed as Gwaine chuckled, "Not all of us are comfortable and confident opening locked doors mate. I wasn't exactly in a rush, and there's little point in being in your room if _you_ aren't there." He smiled warmly as Merlin obliged, opening the door and lighting the candles with a wave of his hand and kicking off his work boots. He frowned, realising he'd forgotten something, "Crap, I didn't get the food. Do you think he'll notice?" Merlin looked pitifully at Gwaine, who folded his arms and glowered back, "If he doesn't I'll turn you in myself."

"But the kitchens are _so far away."_ Merlin whined, "And I've not stopped to do so much as breathe all day."

"Merlin. Don't make a habit of it, but summon the bloody food and I'll throw myself under the cart this once and tell cook I nicked it if she asks. Alright?"

"I wonder how long the novelty of keeping me fed will last for the prat." Merlin smiled at Gwaine bitter-sweet.

Gwaine laid a hand on his shoulders, "He really does care you know. Has done for a long time. Longer I suspect than even _he_ knows."

Merlin shook his head huffing, "Ach there was one time when we'd not known each other that long, he was still an entitled arse, so much more than he is now, and he tricked me to prevent me drinking what we both believed was poison. As it turned out it was only a strong sleeping draught and test of his character but of course I know he cares more than he shows, even if I forget sometimes. More than he _wants_ to I think, about all of us. Uther taught both of his kids that caring was weakness, gentleness would always be punished and betrayed, love was the ultimate vulnerability. I can't argue that last one, but it damaged both badly. He never showed either of them care openly, not really, and I don't think either Arthur or Morgana learned how themselves. Morgana learned better, but she had Gwen from twelve. Arthur always adds something to try and cover up kindness or counteract it, as though if he doesn't it might be spotted. Stupid really, every peasant wants a king who can care for more than gold."

Gwaine watched his friend carefully, he understood more than most Merlin's experience of not fitting in any particular place, and the frustration of living behind a mask, even if it was less. "Every man has regrets Merlin. I suspect that some of _his_ involve neglect of you. Not Arthur the Crown prince, Arthur the man. Don't count on it wearing off, you are a vital part of his- _our_ plan for the future of Albion and you know it. Perhaps he'll stop nagging you to eat at some point, but it'll be a change in details. Not that it doesn't warm the cockles of my shrivelled heart to see him finally trying to look after you like you've been caring for the Princess for years."

"Thanks, I think." Merlin shoved Gwaine without heat and muttered the spell to have the food from the kitchens appear on his table. "No chance of you fetching me some mead?" The knight asked in jest.

Merlin rolled his eyes and they flashed gold as a mug appeared in front of his friend. "It's a one off Gwaine, and I expect a decent rub down after taking frivolous risks like that you know." Dropping the finger he'd been pointing at the mug Merlin raised a brow at the knight and smirked before starting on his supper.

"Oh I can do better than merely 'good' mate, don't you malign my skills, I _know_ you've heard the rumours about _all_ of us." Gwaine grinned, and Merlin laughed, "Aye, but you've got to be careful about trusting those rumours Gwaine, some would have it that I'm the prince's true love, or Leon has never worn a dress. It's a dangerous business trusting loose gossip."

Gwaine smiled lightly, "You can trust this…. You know, Leon actually has the legs for a dress, the beard might look a bit out of place though."  
Merlin shook his head, smiling, "Ooh it did. I was rather impressed he did it though, unfortunately that might encourage the others to consider it a fair plan in future endeavours."

"True love?" Asked Gwaine casually, carefully.

A hint of bitterness touched Merlin's smile as he replied equally carefully, "Ah, the Triple Goddess is a jealous mistress. I'm not sure that I get to have both a destiny _and_ a true love. I'm not even completely convinced tonight the Once and Future king does. Seems like kind of an either-or deal. Maybe after.

There _was_ one girl, a pretty young druidess, we almost ran away together, but she- well she's a Guardian now, the Lady of the Lake they call her, but I knew her as Freya. Morgana is said to be the darkness to my light and the hatred to my love, I'm working on understanding that, but I don't fully know yet. There was a time that I thought she might have been more, times I almost believed she _saw me,_ before everything. I could never fairly offer someone my heart though. It would be false; Destiny staked her claim long before my birth, and she owns me completely. _Arthur_ owns me. Not my heart but… it's hard to explain. I love him, but not like _that_ , like he and Lance love Gwen, it's more like we are two parts of something bigger, designed to fit together. We need each other in a way that is impossible to explain. A bit like I need Kilgarrah and he needs _me. L_ overs are _wanted_ , _appreciated,_ but not a part of that one whole, they are extra details and embellishments to the base of the tapestry." Merlin sighed in frustration, "I am doing a truly horrible job of trying to explain this. I'd actually quite _like_ a true love; but if I was to _have one_ , it would undoubtedly split my focus or shift it, and that is not allowed, or so it would seem. I'm not sure it would be healthy for Arthur and I to be without any other influencers or entangled in any more ways anyway, even if he _was_ interested in men- which he's never given any indication of despite apparently being aware enough of my flexibility to declare his intention of also rewriting _that_ law and suggested I seduce the executioner. I belong to Albion and any partner would have to be willing to accept whatever was left over from Destiny. There's not many keen to take that kind of offer mate. Even if it _wasn't_ currently a crime punishable by death."

"That's a high price to pay right enough, but your leftovers are pretty damn precious. Not everyone needs the fairytale 'one true love' to be loved or feel valued though, some are happy without the _ever after_. Nor does it always have to mean giving someone lots of time and attention. They do say it's about quality over quantity. Gotta tell you though, Destiny sounds like a bitch, I don't suppose you know a guy who can tell her to fuck off?"

Merlin snorted at Gwaine's matter of fact declaration, "Not successfully. I mean you could, but not follow it with continued survival. You think Morgana's a woman out for blood and vengeance? That witch doesn't have a patch on Destiny, both of whom are kinder than Fate. Who doesn't seem to have quite so personal a grudge holding ability, but clearly doesn't give a damn about collateral damage. You know what? There are too many factors in my life that don't understand humanity or emotions."

His friend shook his head in wonderment, "Definitely. Really Merlin, _how_ are you still sane?"

"Not sure. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, it's really very subjective, living in the moment is sometimes the only way to survive a day, but I've at least had practise."

Gwaine looked troubled but pushed his concern back, "You need mead. Or ale. Something; and sleep."

Merlin nodded, not arguing with him, which in itself was concerning, "Gimme your mug then." a long hand was extended expectantly and Gwaine complied as Merlin muttered what must be Old Tongue for 'refill' judging by the renewal of liquid. It was too much, he couldn't _not_ laugh at that, and the sound broke through Merlin's morose thoughts sharply enough to startle a reciprocal laugh from the man.

The food and drink gone Merlin moved towards the bed and was shocked when Gwaine knelt down and remove socks that even _Merlin_ could admt were probably toxic. Standing up the man tossed his jacket over the back of a chair and kicked his own boots off, "Come on then, I can't exactly sort out knotted, abused muscles with you in layers, can I?" Merlin jaw tightened as he fought back the instinct to withdraw, reminding himself of the lack of reaction at the river. "Well I suppose you _do_ have a point to prove, with those much vaunted skills; alright. Fair warning though, it's the first time anyone's tried anything like this since the chains and serkets so I don't know if that's sensitive of mangled. The nerves in the centre of Nimue's hit are a little fried."

"Right, well, thanks for the warning I guess? You can strip and lie your tired ass down any time now you know." Gwaine sounded slightly exasperated but reigned in his reaction, unwilling to risk alienating Merlin while he was vulnerable.

"I'm moving, I'm moving; you are _insufferable._ "

"And yet you willingly suffer me, even convincing Princess I was worth it." Gwaine raised an eyebrow and saw Merlin rolling his eyes hard as he stripped off the tunic, "Yes, and I still question what I was thinking doing such a thing." Good, thought Gwaine, sarcastic and cheeky Merlin was better than self conscious, awkward Merlin for this. He didn't like seeing his friend brittle, not that it happened _often,_ no, actually the servant-warlock was tougher than most knights and calmer in a crisis than any of the others, but their new openness meant that many wounds were closer to the surface just now. His defences were in some disarray, and no man liked to feel vulnerable without choice.

Gwaine huffed as Merlin left his breeches in a puddle on the floor, "You officially no longer get to berate me for careless keeping of my chambers and untidiness, I have proof of you doing exactly the same! Ha!"

"Gwaaaine, I can barely lean over to pick shit up at this moment, and taking the damn shirt off was agonising, you said you'd help, not _mock_ the poor, exploited manservant."

"I can do both, can't I?" He smiled, "Lie down, find the least uncomfortable position."

After some shifting Merlin decided that 'least uncomfortable' was part of the mocking, and now that he wasn't distracted by several different demands he noticed that everything was made of pain. Giving up he lay on his front and looked back at Gwaine, "Alright, there isn't one, prove to me that there is a point in my making cauldrons of that stuff beyond knight being less short tempered." His friend took that as permission and warmed the first oil in his hands as he knelt over Merlin's thighs. Gwaine had been slightly surprised at the mark left by the serket. The black venom having left its mark where venom had spread as well as if it had been ink but hadn't given any sign to the man beneath him, beginning with long sweeping strokes, as it seemed that Merlin was somewhat unnaccustomed to that type of touch- or any that wasn't rather violent. By the solid mass of knots Gwaine suspected that Merlin may well never have had that sort of massage before, but then, who would have offered with him trying to connect while also keeping people at arms length. Under his hands he could feel ridged scars from badly healed wounds, rough tissue, as he tried to avoid pressing too hard on the worst of the recent bruising. As he began to work the taut, knotted muscles further he was pleased to hear the first moans escaping his friend. Merlin tried not to wince as Gwaine pressed a tender spot, realising that he actually was relaxing; usually he wouldn't flinch or show pain at all, he was used to that.

"Stop thinking. It's late. Let go, I'll stay until morning, you don't actually have to entertain me, I'm not the Princess. Sleep, Merlin."

It was too hard to argue, as exhausted as he was from physical training, his usual work, confronting Arthur with several harsh truths, and having several long delayed conversations.

"Ok. Don't leave the candles burning, fire is a bad way to wake up." He mumbled, trying not to drool as pain eased and the herbal oil did it's job, giving up on words as Gwaine's fingers worked over his shoulders drawing another groan. "Fuck, f'rget it do whatever you want. Don't care. I'll put th'fire out…"

" _Sleep you idiot."_ Merlin's eyes fell closed and as he succumbed to the darkness there was no fear of the nightmares waiting, for the first time in longer than he could remember.

Gwaine shook his head at his friend's stubbornness. Brushing dark hair out of his face Gwaine chuckled softly at the way the ridiculous man was lying sprawled across the bed untidily. It was a rare privilege to see Merlin making himself voluntarily vulnerable and one Gwaine knew to be careful not to abuse. So far he couldn't actually think of anyone who _hadn't_ either betrayed, manipulated, or used Merlin, except possibly Lancelot. Even his _mother_ had lied and hidden huge parts of his past.

Trust would likely never come easy to someone who had spent an entire life in hiding, even if friendship or kindness did. Gwaine suspected that Merlin as an enemy would actually be much the same as he was as a friend, full of passion and conviction, but willing to do anything- or almost anything- for those he fought _with._ Even Leon. Who seemed to have a stick up his arse most of the time, but was actually a decent man at the campfire. Maybe he'd improve if Arthur continued to try and breakdown and mould his inner circle.

Stripping to sleeping breeches he extinguished the candles _without_ magic and lay down beside the young warlock. Next time they went out he's remember to go by the area that rosemary or mugwort grew maybe having a bunch of drying or pickling herbs would help the man feel less displaced. If it would help Merlin, Gwaine would sleep next to fennel and aging red cabbage forever. He wondered as he lay down if the man realised how serious he'd been when he stated he'd have sworn allegiance gladly if he hadn't already done so to Arthur, as Merlin seemed to shrug it off, amused. Arthur had understood, Gwaine knew, Arthur knew exactly how far he would be willing to go to help or protect Merlin. The prince would probably have done the same but for the fact he was Crown prince of Camelot, and apparently too proud to submit to anyone; at least openly. His loss, thought Gwaine, as he smiled softly and let himself doze.

In the knights quarters _none_ of the other round table members were sleeping. Percival caught in memories, and considering his suspicions of what he was living, who his friends might be; Lancelot wondering what he hadn't been told _this time_ and the possible consequences.

Leon most of all. His talk with Arthur had been both illuminating and deeply horrifying. He knew that Arthur would not make such huge changes lightly, and trusted that his friend wouldn't recount that Leon had vomited at some of the revelations that had been shared earlier. The faces he usually only saw in his nightmares taunted him now, especially the young ones; they were always the worst. Trying to reconcile evil and children had never come naturally to him, and as a green knight he had even allowed a couple of them to escape. Merlin reminded him of one of them when he'd first seen him with the horses. A kid like him would never have had access to stables, but he almost seemed to think their mounts were people. The grin was even similar, but he'd never seen a look of terror on Merlin, like the one on the child when he realised he'd been seen magicking an apple for the horse of a knight. He run like the hounds of hell were chasing him, and Leon let him. Feeding horses just didn't seem that evil to him. He wasn't able to do it often, because that would be suspicious, and the adults seemed to be corrupted by it, so he hadn't really questioned _that_ until the druids saved him. Sir Leon was a loyal man, he took his role and responsibility seriously and had never considered that he might find himself having to choose between his current king, and the future king over something such as this. To commit treason against the king, or the Regent. Usually his job was not to make policy decisions, but to maintain the peace and act accordingly. This time he was required to make his own choice, and he knew it could only be Arthur. Who he could only assume had wrestled in the same way with the magnitude of his past actions and their reality when the veil was ripped away.

Apparently he wasn't the only one to have had some eye opening and traumatic experiencing. The air seemed to be sucked from the room and Leon broke, sobbing as the full horror of what he'd been an active part of sank in. He wanted to scream, punch something, but if he did someone would hear, come, and he'd have to explain. Memories replayed, spinning around him in a dizzying terrible show, over, and over, with different faces, pleas, and screams.

Then there was a chill, and he heard a soft voice, different to the ones in his mind, but unfamiliar. No woman would come alone at night to his room, and he could have sworn he locked the door precisely _because_ he didn't wish his emotion to be seen.

"Breathe, Sir Leon. Breathe." It didn't make sense, but the woman was speaking calmly, and he knew she was right. He faltered when his vision cleared again and he could see no one. "Who's there?"

No answer came, and Leon reached for the knife by his pillow, just as the air rippled and a young woman stepped towards him. "You're a witch!" He gasped, "No, I'm sorry, I am, I didn't know."

"Hush, you fool." She smiled, "I'm not a _witch_ , I'm _dead_. It's ok, I didn't mean to scare you. Merlin says I'm not allowed to scare his friends and you're his friend, aren't you?" She looked quizzically at him, as though trying to make up her mind about something. "You did many things wrong Sir Leon. You killed innocent people, and you hurt us, I saw it."

"Yes. It's too late now…"  
"NO!"

Leon refocused, startled by the girl's sharpness, "It is _never_ too late Sir Leon. You are a good man. This pain you caused, you find it distressing, and regret those actions." He looked at the girl and nodded, "Yes." He whispered,

"Then change. You are not the same knight who bound me, but those were your brothers in arms by the same king, I am one who burned in the courtyard, as people watched; and I forgive you. I forgive you for your words, and your actions, and the innocent blood that you spilled. I hold no bitterness towards you. Teach the others to be better, and help them to protect _all_ of the people." She said it as thought that was simple. Easy.

"How can you be dead if I can see you?"

The girl rolled her eyes, people were such hard work, "Ghost. It helps with locked doors." She gestured to his own, very locked, door.  
"And Merlin gives you orders?" Leon couldn't quite conceal a twinge of horror.

The woman drew back, shaking her head earnestly, "Nooo, no _orders._ He's very specific about _not_ giving orders and everyone's personal autonomy."

Leon felt even more confused, "But you aren't to scare us."

"Well it is _kind of rude_ to scare friends." She said, as if it should have been obvious.

"You're a ghost."

"Huh. Your jokes are funny Sir Leon, but you're a bit slow, aren't you."

He flushed, "I just...haven't met one before."

She grimaced, "We don't talk much to the living. I made an exception because you were so distressed and shut away. Living people without magic are ridiculously hampered by those."

Leon concentrated on keeping his breathing even and looked carefully, the young woman was clear enough but seemed to be less solid than a moment before. "You're- you are fading. Is that supposed to happen?"

She looked confused, "I came because you were trapped in a violent memory, you were in pain. You are calm now Sir Leon- at least _calmer._ It takes a lot of effort to make myself visible or audible to someone like you. Next time you remember something, breathe. Or count. The not-crazy one is still awake, you could speak with him." She held up a hand and he watched it become more transparent, "I must go now… oh, and don't tell Merlin." She smiled sweetly and flickered twice, before her image was just gone.

He added that, and the fact that Camelot clearly had lingering spirits, to the bottom of his list of things to be deeply unsettled by, and instead of fighting everything tried to pace himself for the next mental assault.

Arthur had given him the choice of serving him on the understanding that magic users who had committed no crime with it, such as thieving and assault, would go unnoticed on Leon's watch; _or_ he could continue to obey the creed and command of Uther, and lose Arthur's trust and any place beside them on the king's death.

Leon hadn't asked exactly what had tipped the balance in Arthur's mind. Some men would push- _could_ push the heir apparent. Merlin always had done, right from his ill advised intervention on behalf of his predecessor.

Leon was not one of them. He was a good knight and a solid warrior. He respected and trusted his Prince; his commander, but he did not _question_ , and appreciated the value of a hierarchy. If every knight was given his head they'd never be able to plan a battle or assume numbers.

Arthur was clearly eaten up by this, and not telling him everything, but that was his right as Regent. He was a better leader than Uther, but he had led men in the 'war against magic' for a long time, and giving the order- well, it left the ultimate burden of each life taken on your own conscience. The man behind the executioner. Leon, brave as he was, found himself afraid to discover exactly what had caused such a change in the prince.

His first thought had been enchantment, but he had _seen_ Arthur enchanted, controlled, and he hadn't been like _this_ , then the younger man had outright stated that he _was not_ under any influence, no matter how badly he might wish that it was so, rather than the far weightier truth.

His expression had been more grim than Leon had ever seen it on the battlefield.

That, more than anything, had convinced Leon that Arthur was serious.

He understood why the prince had taken _him_ aside specifically of the all the round table knights; none of _them_ had served under Uther. None of them had raided druid camps or been indoctrinated, and Prince Arthur understood what that was like, having lived the same thing. His reaction was not something he particularly wanted witnesses to.

It was a scary thought, to continue with the knights under orders of the king with the knowledge of how _wrong_ they were. Arthur hadn't given him a replacement set tonight, likely thinking he wouldn't remember them in his current state of mind. That was fair. All he had to go on right now was not to bring in any children and to ignore _subtle_ uses.

Leon didn't know how exactly magic could be _subtle._ It seemed something of a contradiction in terms. So many of the sorcerers seemed to be about production and flashy stunts, if they weren't yelling, equally unsubtly. If Prince Arthur was giving the order though, he must have a reason, or so Leon assumed.

Whatever had changed, it had to have been something even more significant to the Prince than being saved with a magical item in a druid camp, because Leon had certainly stopped pursuing _them_ after, but he still hadn't been fully convinced magic did not corrupt people, that seemed perfectly plausible, the Lady Morgana for example…. And yet Arthur had mentioned that had not been the full cause, or even the _primary cause_ of the witch's defection, though nothing excused her treason and murder of innocents. Leon had tentatively questioned that and been informed in an emotionless tone that they were both also guilty of murdering innocents and calling it 'right'. All for having the same ability as Morgana, and the king forced her to celebrate the burnings. Leon hadn't asked again; they were much more alike than he'd ever realised, these two sides of magic and non magical. It was an uncomfortable thought. Seeing them as so _different_ had somehow blurred the line, because they were not like _him_ , not like _his family._

Arthur had warned him that in light of new information they would have to make changes in future, and he was working on a way to do so peacefully, consulting with certain experts, but not willing to reveal who or where from. Leon puzzled over that as he couldn't think of any recent foreign dignitaries who might be knowledgeable. Somehow the realisation that he _couldn't see_ and identify such people and they may have been in Camelot all along, watching and learning, was worse, and he felt another wave of nausea. Maybe he even knew someone, or had spoken to one. After all, he hadn't identified the witch until it was too late. No one would choose that and not take over though. No. He mentally scolded, no, Arthur had said that like normal people there were some who sought power, and others who just wanted to be left alone to live in peace. Perhaps there could be one who didn't want power, then it might make sense to be subtle? If magic could be unnoticable that was not reassuring. Leon had believed that it was hard to miss, but Arthur appeared certain that was wrong.

He needed to think, _really think_ if he was to survive this- whatever _this_ was.

Lancelot or Percival might be useful, but he was hardly at liberty to discuss anything significant with them, even if the Prince did seem to be trying to spend some time with each alone, or alone _with Merlin_. That wasn't unusual though. Not mentioning the ghost-lady to the servant was going to be tricky though, that was just _weird._ Did Arthur know? Wondered the knight, talking to ghosts seemed like the sort of thing servants would be in the stocks for, even those that made friends with everyone, human, horse, or spirit.

Answers were slow to come that night, and sleep slower.

In the prince's chambers a draft of early new laws lay on the desk, the ink drying as Arthur finally closed tired eyes. One step at a time. Taking these first ones would be hardest for him personally, despite being far milder than his intended end. It was a watershed; the moment he began to truly change things for those with magic in Camelot, and lay the foundation for his own rule. Even if his father was still king. He would not be intimidated anymore into doing something he did not believe in. He grinned to himself imagining Merlin's reaction when he saw them, the idiot would of course have to look them over, but Arthur was confident there was nothing he could object to. For the first time in weeks he fell asleep peacefully.


	40. Chapter 39

Merlin woke slowly. He was warm, hadn't woken up once during the night panicking, and a solid arm was looped loosely around his waist. His muscles felt less painful and stiff than they had the previous morning, and moving was slightly less agonising than it had been last night when he stretched. Leaving the bed, which had previously felt oversized and awkward, and now just seemed comfortable, was singularly unappealing. He wondered idly if pausing time for an extra twenty minutes would be an abuse of his power. Probably. Certainly Gaius was say so… but oh it was tempting! No one else would know. Except maybe Morgana.

He wasn't sure if she could tell when time staggered, it happened so rarely without his intervention, and Gaius never commented.

Taliesin was Merlin's suspect for other disturbances; certainly his understanding of death's permanence had recently been revised, but Taliesin had a different feel to Camelot's ghosts.

There wasn't exactly anyone else he could ask about whether they noticed. Kilgarrah seemed to be generally against tampering with the flow of time, despite- or perhaps because of- all his prophetic leanings.

No, he'd probably better not misuse it, apparently that wasn't a minor trick, as he had thought until recently.

He glanced towards the window, and judged that he could probably remain cosy and secure for five more minutes before it was light enough that servants had to get up. It was rare for him to wake with company, and he was rather enjoying it. The floor slabs would be freezing- he really needed to do something about that; there were records mentioning some form of heating from old Rome, but he had no idea how they'd done so without magic. Nor did he have the time or motivation to find an engineering based solution when magic was so easy. Gaius had taught him so well not to choose the easy way, but this seemed to be a waste of everyone's time to take the difficult approach to, unlike health issues. Gwaine positively radiated heat, he was worth keeping in your bed for that attribute alone, and he found it was rather nice to have some variety in sleeping positions with a bed partner. Servants didn't get the big quilts and down coverings that nobles did, so it was quite common to share your bed with anyone who wasn't an actual threat. If it was cold enough whilst the castle was on high alert for anything magical in one of the rare times that didn't mean Merlin was dealing with the threat that included him.

Colder weather often coincided with sorcerers getting bored, or festivals though. He particularly disliked Samhain. It was chilling, the way those in Camelot seemed to ignore the blatantly obvious. A few folk would get twitchy, but it was difficult to behave as expected in the Crown prince's household during festivals of the Old Religion. The one time that Uther and his cohorts were most likely to notice anomalous behaviour in their staff.

It was difficult to understand how unaffected those without magic of sensitivity to it remained. Not that the other holy days were any easier to conceal. Merlin had been relieved that this year they were far away from Camelot for Ostara; it had been stronger this year than last, and he could barely contain his magic, or joy. In the city it might have been noticed, but Arthur's ignorance blinded him and the prat just decided Merlin was being hysterical and girly. Gwaine hadn't particularly minded the flower crown but Arthur had burned his and glared at Merlin for the rest of the day. Not that the warlock had noticed then.

Oddly enough Gwaine had claimed he must have had the wrong flask and drank his own very strong ale, despite never taking any on patrol, covering for Merlin in a way that now seemed very suspicious indeed. Lancelot had said something about lack of sleep having strange effects. Percival had chuckled and worn the flowers as though it was perfectly normal for a brave knight to be bedecked in the local flora.

Perhaps it had seemed so. Certainly his wife's family would have celebrated, followed the old religion.

Druids were cautious when it came to disregarding traditions and ritual, let alone actual festivals that mattered. From his own experience with challenging the demands Destiny made and breaking the Rules, Merlin didn't blame them. Normal druids didn't come back from the first blast of a sidhe staff or a duel with a priestess. Caution was just sensible.

Unfortunately for Merlin, he had never been very sensible to start with, though that generally worked in favour of everyone else in Camelot. Nor did he have much experience of traditions or rituals pertaining to the Old Religion, though he had some vague and hazy memories of his mother taking him on some longer gathering expeditions at such times of the year, or visiting his grandmother at Samhain to ensure her wellbeing. It might have made sense if he'd had any grandmother, but they never did visit such a woman, who presumably must have perished in the Purge or been driven to exile.

If it was any of the other knights sharing, voluntarily or not, Merlin would have slipped out quickly, they weren't the casually cuddly type, but Gwaine was openly a very tactile person, he willingly offered hugs while awake. Merlin doubted he'd object to his enjoying a few minutes extra of the strange sense of security that came with someone who cared wrapped around you, even if the man himself wasn't getting much fun from it.

Gwaine concentrated everything on maintaining his sleeping breathing pattern. He'd had plenty of practice at feigning sleep.

Merlin rarely woke smoothly, not unless he'd had a nightmare and been rigid beforehand. That wasn't the case this time, but he couldn't quite suppress a smile when the man relaxed back into his arms. He knew it wouldn't last long, but the unconscious demonstration of trust meant more to Gwaine than Merlin knew. They'd been friends long enough, camped out frequently enough for Gwaine to be familiar with Merlin's habit of hitting the ground running. For all people teased him about liking to sleep and being hard to wake, that had long since changed, if it had ever been a frequent issue to begin with. Merlin did not wake calm often, and never snuggled back down this way. That had to be a good sign.

Merlin felt the way his friend smiled against his neck and assumed he must be having a pleasant dream, he almost gave in and closed his eyes, but that was risky. He'd promised to wake Arthur this morning, and tomorrow he might not be able to, depending on when Gaius wanted to leave. The thought of Gaius brought him groaning into an upright position, he had to check on the physician, see if he'd got home last night at all, or if Merlin's help would be needed at all. He gritted his teeth as his feet hit the freezing floor and the chill shocked his ankles, Gwaine mumbled something at him and Merlin winced, he hadn't meant to wake his friend.

"Just warm it up idiot. Don't forget breakfast this time, or Princess'll be pissed."

"'Morning Gwaine, sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

The man shrugged, hair all sleep mussed, "Not like it's the first time. At least this time it's morning… sort of. I left my stuff back in my room anyway, should head back myself, can't have you locking me in."

"Thanks Gwaine. There's something I have to do before waking the prat."

"Isn't there always?" The eyebrow raised towards him was as scruffy looking as the rest of his just-woken appearance.

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Aye. Occasionally, on good days, it's not life and death. I'm hoping today is a good day."  
"You don't sound very optimistic."

"Gwaine, how's my luck going?" Merlin growled.

Gwaine looked at him carefully, "Well, depends how you look at it. The wee things? Terribly, you couldn't make it up. On the other hand, Arthur accepts you, there are good changes, and you're still breathing the free air. That's bordering on miraculous."

Merlin stuck his tongue out. "Stop being all rational. It's unsettling. Fine, but I think I've used up my luck. Frankly I'm amazed that nothing is on fire or being ripped down."

"Yeah. Thanks for that by the way. I appreciate the lack of infernos." Stated Gwaine dryly.

"Funny. Although I should probably add a warning to bed sharing for that. Risk of scorched eyebrows or waking wrapped in vines. Weather dependent." Merlin shifted slightly awkwardly, indicating to Gwaine that there were reasons for the very specific warnings and causing him to chuckle.

"Vines aren't really my thing mate, but I'm sure there's plenty who'd be delighted to oblige there."  
"You're sick, you do know that right?" Merlin spluttered a little.

Gwaine grinned, deliberately lascivious and waggled his eyebrows, "I'm experienced, there's a difference; and if you've never used magic in that you're missing a trick mate."

His friend looked slightly horrified at the suggestion, "Yeah, 'cause that wouldn't get me executed in Camelot."

Gwaine laughed, "Not if you're good enough at it. There's plenty of folk outside the borders who probably should be locked up for the good of hapless, easily seduced travellers."

Merlin shook his head at his friend, smiling, some battles you couldn't win; some he didn't really want to.

"I doubt Geoffrey saved that kind of book from the bonfire, and I wouldn't ask him even if there was a chance." Merlin shuddered. Asking the old archivist about those type of instruction manuals didn't bear thinking about.

Even Gwaine grimaced at that, "Perhaps not."

After a few seconds of blissful silence the man smirked at his friend evilly, "Looks like you'll need to experiment yourself. Doesn't your magic work on instinct anyway? You know if you need any suggestions…" Gwaine shut up as Merlin waved a hand in his direction and silenced his friend, ignoring the rolled eyes.

"Experimental enough for you?" There was a twinkle in Gwaine's eye that left Merlin feeling slightly off balance and as though he'd been played; pulling on his own shirt and throwing Gwaine's at him he lifted the silencing charm. "Well it's a safer option than actual gags, and much more effective, but safe-words are..." Merlin replaced the charm. Breakfast was much simpler without those images being fed into his mind before he left to go to work, especially if he was going to be required to look respectable and non-distracted giving actual medical care to anyone. By the time he stood ready to leave, a fully dressed Gwaine was glaring at him. Merlin only grinned wickedly at him as he removed the spell. "I will punish you for this in training. You know that, right?"

"I know. Worth it though." He winked and grabbed the keys to his room.

Gwaine laughed, it was good to see Merlin happy, and at ease enough with someone to use his magic for anything non-life threatening, even if it was only on Gwaine- or apparently for obtaining food and water. The knight considered it quite an honour to be one of the few Emrys could relax with, and a greater one to hold Merlin's still fragile trust.

Merlin had stolen enough sets of keys and trinkets to be cautious about leaving them unguarded and had concealed the set overnight, so that no one would notice them sitting at the side. He looked at his storage chest and cupboard, sighing frustrated, he really did need to find a way to increase his storage capacity. It was tempting to throw on the coat, and for the first time Merlin understood the attraction for Arthur to wander around in chainmail or armour when it wasn't strictly necessary.

Gwaine followed his gaze when Merlin hesitated, smiling when he understood "Take it with you, you'll need it for training anyway, and need to practice moving with this, you don't have long to get used to it before I add the sword-belt, you don't have an excuse to return to your room during the day, only the physician's, or Princess's chambers. Use the thing you did yesterday. It'll save time. I'd say 'blame me' if it upsets the princess, but he's got nothing against knocking lumps out of me on the field and for some reason shies from doing the same to you." Merlin opened his mouth to refute that, Arthur was completely happy to knock him around and cause pain. He shut it as he recalled the outcome of actually training with Gwaine, who just smirked at him. "Yeah, I thought so. Come on, I'm gonna get all sorts of questions and ribbing for coming in at this time, and Perce wakes up when I do. Are you going to be ok with Gaius, or are you wanting a stupidity inhibitor this morning?"

Merlin pressed his lips tightly together, shaking his head. "No. He was out late last night, I'm just worried about the kid; and him. Overnight cases take a toll on him these days and a fever means he won't have slept. You have to watch those until they break. If they break."

Gwaine gave a low whistle. "Ah, good luck, hope it's not too serious and the kid's ok."

He knew how much Merlin hated the cases where it was children who were sick.

His friend nodded tightly, "Thanks." He pulled on the coat, wrapping the same spell around it as he did around himself with the neckerchief and left with Gwaine, who had left the remaining oil and salve by the bed.

The warlock was silent as they walked quietly, considering everything, but Gwaine didn't disturb him. He hadn't really noticed it before but when he needed a distraction or not to be lost in his own mind, Gwaine usually could be found spouting relentless mindless chatter. When he actually needed to think, that stopped. He used it to wind Arthur up for the enjoyment of annoying the man he served, and to keep them both on the same level as before the man had as many responsibilities. Merlin completely understood that it was fun to provoke and annoy the Prince, he had been doing it for longer than any of the others, and very few were willing to tease and bait the man in a friendly way even now. They really did have one whole divided. Very few had ever taken Merlin seriously and been willing to get close enough to see the depth of the man, seeing only the friendly, engaging idiot- surface, happy just to tease and joke with him. Merlin sighed. It wasn't the fault of those around them exactly; both Warlock and almost- King had deliberately constructed facades around themselves, walls that allowed in only a select few, and had spent their entire lives doing so, albeit for different reasons. 'A prince can't have friends', and 'keep the magic secret, never let them see'.

He could see things beginning to come into focus better now than before, himself and Arthur as the nexus as the others began to align and be drawn into... Into whatever this was.

As their paths were about to split Merlin found himself hauled into a fierce hug with little warning, an unreadable look in Gwaine's eyes as he drew back. "Go. Go save them, healer." Gwaine winked and left.

Merlin drew in a sharp breath at his friend's words. It was subtle, meaningless to any native of the city, but outside the borders a physician was one skilled craft, and a healer another, similar but with the added dimension of magic. Someone who had travelled widely would know the difference.

Clenching his hand into a fist to stop the shaking he swung into the physicians chambers, quiet in case of patients. There was a scrawled note on the table, unlike Gaius usual neat handwriting that eased some of the tension in Merlin's frame, the child's fever had broken overnight, just before dawn, but there was an address to go back to visit at rounds, Merlin concluded that Gaius had got back less than an hour ago and fallen into bed. He set a vile concoction to stew for a restorative when the old man woke, an after a moment's hesitation whispered over it, eyes flashing. Gaius could yell at him later. At least this way he'd have the energy to yell in the first place, and Merlin wasn't running low right now. Actually, he slept more this week than he'd got into the habit of. Not that that was a good thing, but it was almost odd to have some sort of forced self care at all now.

He checked that Gaius had in fact made it to the bed before collapsing, took the scrap of parchment so that he'd know Merlin had got the message when he woke, and the medication the Uther would need with him knowing that Gwen would be up and need it replenished. The others would be better appreciated later in the morning than pre- waking the prat. He checked that there was enough hangover tonic waiting for the eejits who never seemed to learn about their own capacity. The knights had stopped waking Gaius early to bother him for that after Merlin read them the riot act the last time. Now they waited patiently or suffered in poorly attempted silence until Arthur demanded that his servant fetch them something to make it less irritating for him.

So it was that he strode into the Prince's chambers cheerily, without knocking, and still in pain but less stiff than the previous day. The door swung shut heavily behind him eliciting a groan and muffled curse from the direction of the bed. He slid the tray onto the table and drew the thick drapes to allow the bright early morning sun to shine in. There is was, a pillow flew past his head. "Good morning Arthur, rise and shine!"

Arthur glared at his ungrateful servant.

"No."

Merlin raised an eyebrow, looking challengingly at the prince and grinning catlike at prey, "Oh really? 'No' is it?" He raised a hand and snatched the duvet from across the room, dissolving into hysterical giggles at the outraged screech the prince let out before he regained control of himself, pulling a thick robe on. "You! You will pay for that my friend, oh, mucking the horses is just the beginning!"

"Breakfast, Sire?" Merlin offered, plastering an innocent look on his face that Arthur couldn't believe he had ever fallen for.

"There had better be sausages." Arthur narrowed his eyes at the evil man; magic may not be evil, but clearly this idiot was.

"The very fattest sausages the cook had sire." Merlin's innocent look faltered at Arthur's look.

"Put my quilt back you clotpole, I know standing and looking gormless is one of your default positions, but It'll get all clumpy." Arthur mock shuddered. You'll make the other competitors in this year's 'worst servant' competition jealous."

Merlin relaxed "Yes sire." He bit back the cheeky retort as he was conscious of pushing Arthur's awareness of his magic further. Harmless enough, no actual threat, but a reminder, and in some ways a training exercise for not underestimating what was leashed. He wanted to get Arthur used to at least a little magic that didn't injure before he actually saw battle magic openly from Merlin.

Arthur had seen plenty of offensive and defensive magic, he had seen it cause pain, deaths, but he'd never seen that from Merlin.

The prince rested his head in his hands, taking a deep breath, wondering if the younger man knew how obvious he was being, and how many times he was going to be 'tested', but given his past behaviour, and the occasional wobbles of conviction about magic he supposed Merlin had reason to doubt.

"What's on the list for today?" He asked, wrapping the sausage in bread and taking a bite to cover any expression as Merlin spread the quilt properly without magic and went to swipe the list from Arthur's desk, pausing as the distinctive parchment caught his eye after several years of practice. "Arthur?" He lifted it carefully, as if it might disintegrate at the slightest pressure. He felt the weight of Arthur's gaze on him as he stared down at the page and swallowed hard, "Arthur, what is this?" On any other morning he might have been embarrassed by the way his voice broke over the question. Finally seeming to realise that his servant was frozen Arthur cleared his throat, "It's the first act. The first step towards a reconciliation. You will of course have to read it over, and Lord Geoffrey before it can be signed into law formally."

Merlin nodded silently and scanned the page, his outward calm betrayed by the tears that spilled over defiantly.

Arthur smiled softly, he might mock Merlin for being a girl at times, but not now. Not this moment. He wondered if he would be as composed if he saw the same for those he'd been raised to consider 'his people'.

"Thank you." The whisper carried clearly in the silent chambers "Thank you Sire. This is… I can't…"

"It is the first bond being cut Merlin. It is not your freedom. Not yet; but no one will ever again burn for being kin to a witch, or for providing them shelter, no one will be condemned for not reporting you or anyone else for that trait. They will be laid to rest at peace again, according to their customs, provided those customs bring no harm to the inhabitants of Camelot. As it stands I have worded it so that it covers those who could not have known, and family, my father cannot refute that without drawing questions that he will not wish to answer about my sister. His pride will prevent him from challenging this if he is well enough to notice the move. In truth it will extend to all. I will no longer condemn people for simple differences they cannot help. Nor will I watch as they cut every personal tie and suffer alone for fear of what will happen to those they love." He gave Merlin a hard look, "You tried to protect them all, hid Gaius, kept distant from Hunith, didn't tell Gwen even after her father- and declaring yourself to the council, which was unbelievably stupid even for you. There may be only one Emrys, but there cannot be only one person with magic hiding or running for this reason, we are chasing them into the arms of enemies who would use them against their own as weapons. You may be the one to spark all this, but it's not only for you Merlin, it's for all the kids out there who don't know yet, and the Aunts trying to hide and offer refuge in secret to those fleeing or travelling. For the brothers and sisters. Lifting everything overnight would prompt rebellion, at least with my father still on the throne, despite the fact I can pass these as regent. Relaxing the laws will remind the people that there is not a sharp division, associating with witches does not poison or pose an immediate threat. Helping them will no longer be a crime."

Merlin sagged against the desk, running fingers through his hair and twisting slightly to ground himself glancing between the parchment and the prince. "Arthur, these are real. Are you sure, really certain? The nobles are clotpoles but they aren't all stupid, some will see this for what it is." Merlin wanted desperately to believe, but he spoke with grim certainty, Leon knew that loyalties now must be chosen, others would see, trained as they had been to look for such things.

"I wouldn't have written them if I wasn't. A boy submits to his father. A king takes counsel, but his decisions are his own. I will not take the crown in blood and violence, as my sister would, but I find that I no longer fear it as once I did. Rather I find myself keen to lay the groundwork for a smoother transition that cannot be forever avoided. Nor- Nor should it be Merlin. Yes I am certain. The persecution must end somewhere; as to endings, there is a second set you need to check, underneath."

Arthur watched his best friend's face carefully as he laid down the first piece shakily and lifted the second, seeing the moment he closed his eyes, and replaced the sheet on the desk, then nothing as he was pulled tightly against his friend, awkwardly accepting the hug he'd never expected to want to return.

Arthur cleared his throat before he could speak, "You thought I wouldn't mark your… That you would not be remembered, missed. I couldn't leave it that way, no one should expect to be left or abandoned. Never again. Not even if I have to scare the shit out of the council by claiming restless wandering spirits have been seen due to improper burial and cremation processes. Enough of them are cowards to submit on the vague possibility alone. Customs that bring harm to our people shall not be welcomed. Other than that, let people deal with the remains of their kin as they deem proper, though I do not yet know what that is. Geoffrey may have advice from experience to add more specifics to this later, but I have done my best to construct a framework for it."

Pulling away from his friend, aware that he was not prone to such contact Merlin gripped his shoulder hard, "I have faith in you Arthur, you are my king, you always have been really, but this… these are clear declarations of intent to all who are paying attention. It will give others harbouring doubts, or despairing, hope. Going before the council with actual, tangible changes, is a very different thing to standing up with the word of a knight and promises that they cannot see becoming manifest. Gods, sorry, your ah- your shoulder's bloody wet, didn't notice I was leaking or I wouldn't've-"

Arthur rolled his eyes at his friend tripping over words that were rarely actually a problem for him. "Shut up Merlin. You might be a girl, but for this any decent leader of men would be less composed, it's been over twenty years, and you've lived an entire life trapped. I'm hardly going to tease you for being overwhelmed this once. Next time though… next time."

Merlin dashed the last evidence from his face and grabbed a flannel to wash his face, he'd get fresh water for the Prince, "Nope. Not happening again unless it's you actually legalising magic. No promises for that, I've no fucking idea what happens then, and frankly I still daren't think about it too hard. It's bloody scary."

Arthur raised his glass and nodded to the parchment, feeling satisfied, "But you agree with these? It's a risk, but everyone has lost someone from all I can find out, often through a simple association, not actually practising true magic. I think they'll accept it without more than token objections. I'm proposing and passing the law, so they know where I stand, and it'll give me an answer on who to subtly pressure. Which men would be most likely to support a reevaluation of our current system. Not that I haven't got a pretty good idea already. Call it a test of their potential. Those who fight will disappear first when the Court falls to me."

Merlin was shocked to hear the Prince speaking so bluntly of taking over from his father, without any trace of nervousness or desire to hold his approval.

For his part Arthur had found speaking to Leon, who had trained him in some things, been witness to what Arthur was forced now to call atrocities, edifying. It had mirrored his own feelings, but without the tempering influence of having been raised by Uther. He had been shown exactly how even a noble born Knight should feel about their actions, unclouded by the weight of teaching of 'end justifies the means'.

Leon was one who followed orders, yet had always shared some measure of horror when victims were young… Or ran.

He knew what some of the older men had done to Druids at Uther's direction. More than the Prince had, and it horrified him. Much like the moment Gwaine had pointed out that of course Aredian was a torturer and some of the scales fell away.

Leon, loyal to Camelot all his life and Camelot alone, was what finally allowed Arthur to admit that his father had betrayed them all. As king, he was a monster, shaping his subjects to fit a false idea of perfection. He had become, in his own way, even darker than Morgana had - yet.

If Leon felt that, Arthur could trust there were no outside influences to account for; if Leon changed his actions and speech, the younger knights who looked to and respected him would follow. In that his friend - and Leon was a friend-was a valuable ally. No one would believe that he would act against the interests of Camelot, or it's people after dedicating a lifetime to such service.

Merlin and Gwaine had shown him the truth, Leon had shown him the heart of those he led.

The ones without personal motivation would share his conviction, even as they worked through the trauma. There were so many things that simply weren't spoken of here, even with those who were present together. In hindsight that should have been a sign that something was wrong, but then, Arthur had never known any different. Merlin was left shaking his head in wonder. Arthur could say what he liked about it not being for Merlin, the King in him probably was doing it because it was right, but Merlin wasn't actually an idiot. The prat had written into law a way to keep his family safe, and given him possibilities that had never been open before. Within days of learning of Freya and Dana it just coincidentally occurred to him, Merlin ruefully shook his head, he didn't think that even Arthur would believe that level of 'coincidence'.

He didn't bother trying to hide his pride in the man, or the odd ache in his chest as years of sacrifice finally began to bear visible fruit, and his voice was gravelled when he could finally respond. "Anything you need sire, whatever I can offer. I am yours. According to destiny anyway, and Kilgarrah; and we will raise Albion together. Take them before the council, stand firm for real justice. You make it legal, and Kilgarrah and I will deal with my father according to our custom; I'll mark the mass graves and desecrated places for your people's safety. Face your arrogant, power hungry Lords, and I'll take on the Catha and Druid Council. If I live you are going to owe me so many days off for that."

You couldn't burn a living dragonlord. Useful failsafe, that. Once their body died, it burned just as well as any ordinary man, Merlin knew without reaching the exact methods yet that to bury someone who belonged to the sky, and the wind, underground was wrong. Every instinct screamed against it, and he would never burn someone he loved on a pyre, he just couldn't. Dragonfire though… dragonfire was pure, it sanctified, empowered, it was magic and peace, and ferocity. Destruction and healing all at once. It was balance. He'd check with Lachlan, but he knew he was right.

"You've a lot of unexplained absences to make up Merlin." Arthur arched a brow and folded his arm, managing to appear surprisingly regal given he was yet to get dressed for the day.

Merlin shrugged nonchalantly, "I'll have more if I'm inexplicably dead."

Arthur stifled a groan, "True, but that's why Gwaine is training you, isn't it- one of the reasons anyway."

"I still think you just like seeing me hurt. The weapons are much appreciated though."

"Didn't he give you the mail? Oh that little-"

"Ugh, yes he gave me the damn mail, but about that sire, you know I told you the dead man gave me his family things?"

Arthur's eyes narrowed, shifty, fidgety Merlin usually meant either imminent danger, or he'd done something stupid.

"Merlin? What. Did. You. Do."

"Nothing sire, this time. I just learned some interesting information about the defensive properties of specific types of leather." He grinned, "Want to see?"

Arthur pressed his lips tightly together, quickly running a translation of Merlin-speak to 'New and interesting sneaky shields or armour have been gifted me.'

"Yeees, that does sound interesting, and like something we might not want to advertise. What sort of defence?"

Merlin took a steadying breath and his eyes flashed, revealing his other attire to the Prince as his heart skipped a beat, he still had an inborn fear-reaction to showing any type of magic that might be used in a threatening way, but Arthur seemed to be far more interested in the unusual design than in Merlin's mild deception, giving no hint that he'd noticed the way his servant's spine straightened slightly as the glamour fell away.

"I've never seen those symbols before. Turn around." It sounded like something a maidservant might say to her Lady, and yet Merlin heard the steel in his king's tone that brooked no argument. This was no dress fitting, it was more akin to Arthur examining a sword gifted him for flaws and strengths.

"You wouldn't have, the family were exterminated."

"Step forward." Arthur hummed softly as Merlin obeyed, "Good workmanship and material, complicated looking techniques, so why the split?"

Merlin snorted, "Dragons are not horses sire, as they'll tell you petulantly in a sulk. Cloaks flap and obstruct freedom of movement and sight. The maker expected the wearer to require such freedom to ride with their kin."

Arthur tilted his head in acknowledgment, "Well considered enough. Your old boots won't do, I expect you to use better ones, perhaps you could find someone to make some to match."

"I've honestly no idea who made these, and even if I did they probably died in the purge for it, and if they didn't would be ages with Gaius. Really I would like to find my own house's symbol and oath first. Balinor's things may be long lost, but it feels dishonest to imitate another without honouring my own in the long term. The ghost spoke truthfully, it is not magical in itself, but I am, and it is specifically designed for a man like me, well, similar. No one is like me, but this dragonlord- sorcerer combination is as close as you can get I guess. I never got the chance to ask my father exactly, but I think he was a warlock, either way he had a gift in healing using magic. It was him who healed you on that occasion. This thing works with mine, maintains a kind of shield that I can project easily enough by instinct, unpracticed it held back dragonfire, but this holds it almost constantly without any of my conscious effort. At least after I've worn it for a while. Gwaine claims I'm leaky, which is unhelpful and unflattering, but this sort of absorbs a little of that shed magic. Honestly, the way he describes it you'd think I sweat fucking magic. In practice though it makes back-stabbing less successful unless I have a really bad day.

Arthur's mind was racing with possibilities of such protection for various vulnerable groups, but they were discussing things that technically both should be executed for. Honestly he was sure that Merlin was so far off with his exasperated suggestion.

"That is very, very useful. For the love of god Merlin, do not lose it!"

"Pleeease, only you and Gwaine know it even exists." Merlin scoffed.

"Yeah. Until you show it to Lancelot, or Percival." Arthur ignored the eye-rolling, drawing on the reserves of patience he kept specifically for dealing with Merlin.

"Fine. I solemnly do swear not to lose my very precious inherited not-quite-armour."

Arthur sighed in relief that the man was at least listening to him. "Good. The last thing I need is Morgana in that, or learning how to make them for her puppets."

That sent a shiver down Merlin's spine, sobering him instantly. "No. No we do not need that."

"Good. Where are you hiding it?"

Merlin frowned. "Haven't quite decided yet, it's useful for training, and Apparently learning to move in armour is a skill."

Arthur sighed. "Think about it. I'm taking training this morning, then discussing the wording of those laws with Lord Geoffrey, you have work for Gaius to cram in and ride out with Gwaine. You need to work out a cover, it'll take maybe three more days before people start gossiping. The pair of you have an extra day as Sir Leon is currently very distracted."

Merlin nodded, reminded of just how much servants gossiped, whilst simultaneously protecting the dangerous secrets of masters they cared for.

"Leave it with me. I'll think of something."  
"Make it better than the terrible lies you fed me." Arthur said dryly.

"You never really probed beyond them or you'd have known about me years ago." he shrugged, looking far less concerned than Arthur thought he should.

Arthur folded his arms and pursed his lips, "A mistake that I do not intend to make again. Even if they do tell me about observing the mating habits of badgers to work out when it is safest to collect a very rare and obscure plant, or being turned into a mole for infiltrating a spy net- oh no, you fucking idiot. I never, ever want to know what the life of a mole is like. Just to be clear. The next idiot though, because you can't remain just a servant forever, I'm stomping all over accepted diplomacy as it is, and if you were anyone else it might have started an actual war. Thanks for that by the way; not starting one over the lack of days off and refusal to leave the fluffy bunnies alone is much appreciated."

Merlin wrinkled his nose and looked genuinely repulsed, "Wars rarely achieve much, in the end, no matter how many lives are wasted those people wielding power have to call parlais and find a way to force a cautious peace. Not to mention they are expensive, induce famine for the common folk, and create a lot of work for the scribes, which Camelot lacks, and the druids see as inferior."

Merlin sighed. "If there was a way to avoid war without submitting to tyranny I would take it without hesitation. I'm still pretty sure destiny made a mistake, I'm not a born warrior. I do appreciate the lack of execution, arresting my friends and guardian, and exile myself. Call it even?"

Arthur chuckled, "Something like that. Since you currently are my manservant, you have duties enough to occupy you after helping me dress."

"You could say that. It's almost as though people think there is three of me! Which there is not. Splitting oneself or being cursed that way is inadvisable and horribly complicated, as well as difficult to undo. Don't do it." Merlin shuddered.

The Prince stared at his manservant in horror, "When? Actually, don't tell me unless it's necessary for safety, I really don't want to know, and for the love of Camelot never tell Gwaine!"

"Gwaine? Why not… Oh! Oooh. Yeah. No telling Gwaine, ever. I'd never hear the end of it."

Arthur looked mildly nauseated, "Images I didn't need this early in the day. Did you manage to speak to Lancelot properly?" he asked.

Merlin grimaced, "I spoke to him. He guessed that you and I had come to some sort of understanding, but yeah, we've his support as strongly as yesterday and he's glad you didn't disembowel him on the training field. Impatient for certain laws to change but that's a lack of bearing responsibility for epicly fucking things up in the haste to fix an injustice. I envy the inexperience."

Arthur cast an eye over his friend as he pulled on a shirt, "You aren't?"

Merlin looked away, "It's complicated. Of course I am, but it's something that will change everything I've ever known, so yeah, I'm desperate to have the laws lifted, while also terrified to. How did you feel when you first realised you were going to eventually be king? Multiply that by about ten thousand and you begin to understand how accepting the mantle- the identity-of Emys feels. Except for the training part, because anyone who could have trained me was gone. In theory Nimue could have, but I've a funny feeling she would have been on the other side and trained Morgana instead, which would have been a Very Bad Thing. Morgause was tricky enough to fight blind. Nimue knew at the end who I was, the very end. She said… She said that together we could have ruled the world. It scared me because I knew she wasn't teasing. It was a serious statement. 'Course then there was the massive fireball, so if I'd ever been tempted to work with her, that would have quickly banished any curiosity. Attempted murder can do that."

Arthur paused in shrugging into his red jacket, "Right. Well, that was one of your better choices I guess, but when was that?"

"Final battle with her, I wasn't supposed to get back up, you'd never have known anyway so it didn't matter." Arthur swallowed, "The fireball. If she wasn't expecting you to get 'back up' she hit you. Show me."

Merlin shivered. "It's not pretty Arthur, but it's just a scar, alright? Why does it matter?" There was a tightly leashed frustration in his voice, what right did they have, did anyone have to demand proof of his pain. Arthur looked at him soberly, "You matter, alright? I need to see what I missed before, and yes, I need to see the consequences of my own poor understanding. You have borne the consequences that ought to have been mine on what seems to be many occasions. I am not passing judgement Merlin, or demanding to see everything, but you offered me everything. This is my demand. A reminder. You are- you are my friend Merlin, and I failed to see you suffering for far too long. Please. Trust me with this. You know my own scars after all." He attempted a half smile,

"Yours don't look like… Arthur, some wounds don't heal like others or are dramatic. I'm not about to lift the concealment and add drama." He slowly untied and removed the neckerchief. "I did. If this is what my king demands-"

"No Merlin, not demands. Asks, humbly actually, and you know I hate doing humility."

Merlin rolled his eyes and glared. "Fine. Asks. I just haven't shown anyone but Gaius."

He pulled the tunic over his head and his eyes flashed, lifting every trace of magic. Arthur was hard put not to recoil and remain still, as it was his hiss of indrawn breath rather gave him away.

Merlin snorted "See, this is exactly why I cover them when I'm away from Camelot, not just in the city."

Arthur's hand clenched into a fist at his side to not reach out, respecting his friend's right not to be treated a curiosity; so of course Merlin noticed.

"Really? Now you're going to draw a line? It's not a fresh injury Arthur, no matter what it looks like. Touch isn't going to hurt me, and you're just going to stew and look worriedly at me all day otherwise until I get asked odd questions by the knights and Leon decides we've had a 'tiff'."He softened his voice a little, he did understand, he'd been on the other side of his best friend being injured often enough. "Go ahead. Just don't start looking for others, you're not ready for everything, and neither am I." He would've folded his arms if it had been any other scar. It irritated him that the thing had remained vivid even years later, though he suspected that if he hadn't died then it would have healed better. It was like fate decided to leave him with permanent reminders of steepest learning curves.

Arthur swallowed and did as he was told, gently tracing the edges, as though checking that Merlin wasn't exaggerating it's healing, though he had been forced to repeatedly re-evaluate his servant's pain threshold and indicators. This was something he should have noticed even on 'just a servant'. "Stop being such a girl Arthur."

It should have killed him, Arthur knew that much.

"You came back to work with that unhealed?" He swallowed, thinking with horror of the infection risk of a fresh burn like that in stables.

His servant huffed testily, "Gaius is a lying bastard, but he's a damn good physician. There's no way he would have let me neglect it, and magic helped. Honestly, having him treat it hurt more than the original injury, but he even managed to salvage some level of feeling in the skin. Not a lot, but more than most could have. Don't go getting all guilty and soft on me you prat, I'll start getting ideas about being important." The sadness remained in Arthur's eyes as his hand drifted gently over the old wound and withdrew his hand, swallowing hard and clearing a gruffness from his throat, "Well we definitely can't have that, self important manservants are a terrible reflection on any Prince of the realm." He appeared calm and his usual self as he turned back to Merlin waving a hand towards his tunic. "Come on, get dressed, before you make me late. Again."

Merlin didn't need to be told twice. "Never say that in front of the knights, half of them already have gold riding on when you 'claim' me, or I throw a jealous tantrum and slap whichever poor woman you make your queen."

Arthur spluttered, having apparently missed this low level betting among his men.

"Which half!?" He half- yelled.

"Merlin swung on his leather coat, "Oh yeah, sure, like I'm going to tell you that so you can go and beat them around the field for no good reason." He snorted, "I like the knights, and frankly I'm going to need them on my side when you do decide to tip everything on its head. Besides, it's not like it matters or makes a difference. I'm not your type for bed warming, and I'm definitely not the type to compromise someone's will with a spell. If it makes you feel any better they also have bets on who the cook is trysting with and what Leon's 'secret' from the truth spell is." He intentionally skipped the ones about Gwen.

"Strangely enough that's not very comforting and makes me more concerned that they may have a gambling problem."

The warlock shrugged, "It's not always for coin and they'll always have that mentality, they gamble their lives in every battle. At least in this no one gets hurt. Plus, whatever they try they are never going to see what's really coming, and there's nothing that Gwaine can do to profit from the fact he does, which must be a torture in itself, so there's some comfort to be had from that."

Arthur grumbled, "They're idiots."

Kneeling to lace his the Prince's boots up Merlin chuckled, "They're knights, they have to be idiots. I doubt all the knocks on the head help either."

"Merlin? Don't slap the queen of Camelot unless Morgana somehow manages to temporarily get her talons into the throne. Then please make it count. No slapping the others."

He looked up at the prince from the slightly awkward position; Arthur was still unused to having someone he knew was his equal kneel in front of him, and really it amused Merlin more than it should have. "Aww, but you have such terrible taste in women sire. Sophia tried to drown you, and although slapping her would have been terribly ineffective I still think it would have been satisfying."

Arthur stepped away as Merlin got to his feet, "What if I didn't? Or had an advisor to help me screen them?" The warlock watched him closely, acutely aware of Arthur's own attention,

"Well, I suppose that would depend on who was advising, I mean, if Gwaine was advising I'd suggest you ignore him, if Uther advised I'd expect the girl to attempt to kill you or him, or both. Why?" Merlin raised a brow at his friend, sure of his conclusions but cautious of overstepping the mark with things still fragile between them in some places.

"The king has demonstrated even worse character judgement than I did, and may actually have a vested interest in my continued misery, Gwaine would likely decide I needed to get laid, and might be recognised by various eligible ladies. Actually I was thinking more of someone who knows my habits and annoyances better than anyone else, might recognise someone who would be a useful support for my weaknesses. Of course, the future queen would have to be able to get on with my other half, so I guess have him do the litmus test would make the most sense. I can't risk having a court tear themselves apart over split loyalties to which of the king's wives to align with. It happened to another king not long ago. If I start pushing for change, the Lords will push back for me to 'settle down' and stop trying to 'provoke' a war. I can't exactly court someone you hate, and really it would save time. I suspect several of the council are already grooming favourites."

Merlin sighed. "They are. Really, they're worse than the maids, it's not healthy to be so invested in someone's love life. Which I keep telling the ghosts but do they listen? No, it's just Merlin."

Arthur looked down at the parchments that could tip a precariously held balance; "Then you see my dilemma."

Merlin sighed, "I would be honoured to help screen out the dangerous ones but Arthur, you can't marry someone just to appease a bunch of fusty old men who you want to replace anyway, and you can't marry someone on the basis of who I like. Seriously. My type, if I have one, is dark haired sorceresses who could kill me, and pain in the ass swordsmen who think they could beat me. So yeah, if you are planning to rule with someone for life, it has to be someone you choose for yourself. I thought you'd found one actually."

The prince looked puzzled at first, then Merlin could see the man's barely restrained amusement rising. "Rule with?...No. You misunderstand me. I intend to rule with you. Otherwise what's the point in us being all bound up in prophecy? You rule the magic folk and orders, I rule the non magic, and we weave it all back together. I need a Queen consort for the court, an advisor, and heir. Technically you already hold equal rank to a king, so you see, it does actually matter what you think of her, because otherwise dinner is going to be horribly awkward, and I've no interest in fostering bitch fights in my own household thanks. If either of you can't tolerate the other I'd have to spend so much time hunting and questing there'd be no end of rumours, and most likely a coup."

Merlin scanned his friend's face for a sign that he was exaggerating, or joking, oh please let him not be serious, and found no such relief.

"I can't, Arthur. I just can't. If you find someone you want, someone you truly like, and respect, someone who you can imagine a life with then come and ask me, and I will tell you with absolute honesty and check that there is nothing terrible lurking underneath, like Elena's changeling situation."

"Elena's- you know what, another time. That's a shame, I liked Elena." Arthur looked almost disappointed.

Merlin leaned back against the wall answering, "Yeah, I did too. Once the sidhe was sorted anyway, gods I hate dealing with the sidhe. She was a nice girl underneath it all. Oh, her grotesque guardian had a thing for Gaius, we had to use it as part of the plan. I'm not sure he's quite recovered yet."

Arthur couldn't return Merlin's casual smile, "Will I ever learn everything that has been hidden?"

The warlock sighed, dropping his own. He was good at compartmentalising, getting through the day with multiple levels playing in his mind. "Honestly? Probably not. Every time I think I've run out of shock there is something waiting to disprove the theory. I think destiny gets bored sometimes so just plays with humans for her own amusement. I'll do my best not to hide horrible or significant things from you though. At least from now. Except for prophecies. Trust me, you do not want those on your mind, it is not a kindness. What happened to Morgana is not uncommon for Seers. There's a reason that it was the dragonlords who kept them in line, or gave mercy, instead of the usual lords and little kings. Not that you're a little king of course-"

"Shut up Merlin! I get it, I'm not an idiot."

"Never said you were, sire."

Arthur looked over in disbelief and Merlin considered his words, "Oh, I mean today. I haven't called you an idiot today! Have I? Ooh, when you mentioned the knights, right, what I meant was-"

"Merlin? Seriously, Shut up." The not-yet-king glared at him and Merlin blushed, "Yes sire, shutting up." Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling like today was going to be a long day.

"See to the tasks Gaius has assigned you, while I am training and collect my armour after for cleaning and polishing. I have dinner with my father tonight, and I suspect it is likely to be with the volatile version who is always deeply disappointed in me."

Merlin's expression darkened. "He choked Morgana, and allowed her to be tortured. I don't particularly trust him with you."

Arthur groaned, the man was ridiculously over protective, "Merlin, I have been eating with the man almost daily, when we are both in Camelot, since you arrived here, and while he has had plenty of harsh words, and yes, has chained me in the dungeon, he has yet to actually threaten my life. I think it'll be ok."

"Until now you haven't openly rebelled against him."

"I am not now."

'Yes you are', thought Merlin to himself.

The prince looked grimly at his friend, "I cannot gain his respect by following his teachings either and you know it. At least this way I can regain my integrity. Besides which, you are going to be there tonight, burning Uther-tree or not, to make sure nothing serious does go wrong, and no-one dangerous overhears anything should it come to that. Especially disagreements over critical laws."

Merlin nodded seriously. "Yes sire, I'll be there."

Arthur finally smiled properly. "I know. You always are when I need you. Now hand me my sword and try to stop looking like a girl given sweetmeats, it's embarrassing."

Ignoring the jibe Merlin handed over the sword and wondered what it would be like to wander around with a weapon in plain sight, one that people could see and gauge instead of an invisible capacity. His hands could be considered as dangerous, but no one ever saw the peril that lay next to them, he shivered, his time was running out fast, soon they would, and he couldn't help but speculate over reactions. Who would draw away, look fearful, he'd seen that before. Who might be repulsed, or hide their children. Who would have the same sick fascination that you saw in the faces of a crowd at an execution. Who might just be willing to look past it and see him; not care or fear, or see him differently. It was rare. So far only Will and Gwaine had. Lancelot had known from the start, but it influenced his view of Merlin, and Arthur had changed his in unexpected ways. It seemed that he had been changing for a lot longer than Merlin had realised.

Merlin shoved memories of being A Monster to the back of his mind and gathered what they needed, feeling jubilance and a familiar crushing pressure competing for dominance. Jubilance won out by a conscious decision on his part. Tonight he was going to find Kilgarrah. After an evening with Uther he was going to fucking need it anyway, and Gwaine could come along or not. He'd ask George to have a bath waiting for Arthur after dinner, gods knew he'd need to relax after a full dose of Uther's own special brand of parenting.

Really the prospect of an evening with the current king with the likelihood of magic related rants was enough to make dealing with a fast spreading infection seem like a pretty attractive option.

"Lord Geoffrey before the idiots?" Asked Merlin lightly.

Arthur smirked. "Lord Geoffrey. I suspect he knows this is coming."

"Aaand our excuse if someone thinks it's weird of us to visit early?" Merlin knew how servants talked when unusual things began to happen.

"You're the physician's apprentice. He needs drugging- ah, medicine. I'm the Crown Prince. I don't need a reason."

Merlin snorted, "Fair point. Let's go wake the dragon then."

They set off in step, locking the chambers as they went, the usual rules of remaining one step behind had never worked particularly well for them anyway, and being who they were it was simpler just to make their own.


	41. Chapter 40

Merlin no longer cared what other staff thought of his neglect of proprieties. After calling the prince a prat the first time they met- and an ass the second- it seemed to be a bit late for those, and Merlin spent enough of his life pretending to be someone he wasn't. He wasn't about to add yet another layer of faking and unearned submission to it. He had always hated bowing to bullies, every time they were supposed to somehow _accept it_ as some inevitable part of life _._ A part of his spirit soared at seeing one of _them_ accept the injustice for what it was; wrong.

Not only was Arthur accepting and admitting that the acts were fundamentally unjust abuses of power, he was _changing them._ Merlin had said so many times, to so many different people 'He's not his father' it had become a mantra, and he had questioned it himself, too many times for comfort. Too many times he'd felt the beginning of hope that it might _finally_ be time only to have it snuffed out painfully. Morgana was definitely worse, he was certain of that, had been for a long time, but no one could be optimistic _all_ the time.

Lord Geoffrey had watched the child Arthur had been succumb to his father's poison, heard the lies for longer than Merlin had drawn breath, and the warlock was rather looking forward to seeing the man's reaction to this. Usually in control of his reactions, Merlin was helpless to hide the wide grin that spread across his face and didn't bother trying, really it was amazing he wasn't actually skipping- or floating, maybe floating was less girly if it ended in brutality? He didn't care. Today was the last day that he'd be a walking death sentence to everyone he loved, or defended, or traded with. Sure, he'd still have an axe hanging above his own neck for having magic, but he could have family or friends without feeling like hemlock in their tea.

None of them would be poison or like some plague where contact brought death.

The child born with magic wouldn't necessarily be abandoned or exposed, the sibling wouldn't have to run with the clothes on their back so no links could be made. When Gaius took him out the next morning it wouldn't be treason to mark the place with a cairn, or place wards, or leave a marked prayer tree.

 _He_ was still a dead man walking, the stray thought making him choke back a giggle of irony, but if he _could_ die the way Arthur thought, he'd be permitted a resting place or at least funeral. Under the earth sounded like a punishment, and he's spent enough time in dungeons to know how unpleasant being below ground was. Others didn't though, he knew most regarded burial as akin to returning to the womb, often still binding a body, whatever their own beliefs about the _right_ way. His own village burned the dead, a consequence of higher numbers of deaths during winters when the ground was frozen, reinforced by being on a border. Uther wasn't the only king to identify the effect on a population of desecrating their sacred places. Many before him had done it, and Merlin was certain many would use the trick after.

Not today though. Today he wasn't losing anyone, he wasn't going to let anyone die _today_ no matter _what_ he had to do. Please destiny, let me have _this one, h_ e thought.

The few people to spot them were not nobles, and gave Prince Arthur the customary berth required, showing respect and trying to ignore the grin on his manservant. If Merlin was grinning so broadly it was best to be on one's guard, and nowhere near the pair of them.

There was no one visible in the corridor when Arthur knocked loudly at Lord Geoffrey's chambers, though Merlin saw a wisp of hair that gave away _one_ companion, and as he gestured subtly to her he threw Eileen a quick wink. As the old man's servant answered the door his colour drained away with ill disguised shock, and looking between Merlin's delight and Arthur's serious mein he directed a venomous glare at the former. Noticing, Arthur's eyes narrowed. "You are dismissed." He wasted no graces on those who he deemed discourteous or unworthy.

"Now." Was added with a stronger hint of warning and the man capitulated. Few people were stupid enough the take on the Crown Prince in the morning. The general consensus was that if they were then the results were of their own making… and that they had better hope Merlin had been there first.

The door was slammed before the servant made it to the end of the corridor. "Lord Geoffrey!" He called, just as Merlin was about to launch into a short tirade about showing some respect to servants he was interrupted by the rumbling tones of the Court genealogist, "My Lords. Sire, you were taught better than that, and I know it. Would you care to share what has you both so riled up this morning as to storm an old man's private rooms and disturb his rest?" No signs of actual distress were visible thankfully and his eyes glittered with amusement above otherwise stern features, so Merlin made no apology. Arthur rarely apologised for anything even if one was owed and Geoffrey didn't expect one.

"Oh I might be able to hazard a guess sire, but guesses are imprecise and easily manipulated, much like humans; data and facts now, those are never inherently corrupt." He raised a thick eyebrow. "Which may I aid you with today? Please pull that heavy curtain over Merlin, it's awful draughty with all the cracks here." Merlin looked over to where no curtain hung and groaned as his mind caught up, but he insulated the room as well as protecting them from being overheard, because dammit he was feeling generous today and he felt like he owed Lord Geoffrey a little bit.

Arthur glanced to the warlock at his side, "Is it done?"

"Yes sire"

"Good." He smiled pleasantly at the archivist, "As it happens Lord Geoffrey, both. You have experience working with the law, and in and around the greyer areas of those laws. You have known my father's council members for many years, and you have so far proven a valuable ally."

"The thing about laws, Arthur, is that there is no such thing as a true _grey area,_ there is what _is_ outlawed, and what isn't. Oh there are differences in one's individual interpretation of those, but the law itself is impersonal unless written intentionally to _be_ personal. Now in _those_ cases is when a legislator must be most careful, for the specific scenario on their mind may cloud judgement and colour the composition so that it can one day be used against them when applied to a very different case."

Merlin frowned, finding himself agreeing.

Arthur however appeared unphased. "Indeed, as I believe you informed me in great detail on more than one occasion, even if I didn't realise the significance at the time. Since I cannot in truth deny my personal conflict in this case, I require your perspective on something I wish to pass. Necessary, but certainly influenced by personal circumstances. I want you to find any loopholes I haven't left in _on purpose_ , and close them. If I've done it properly then it should play just enough to the character weaknesses of influential men to pass without problems. One of the Council will raise objections claiming it's to cover my own back- and ironically enough my father's- from being considered guilty of ignoring Morgana, which _he_ ought to be on several levels." Arthur took a calming breath, "I will need your support in convincing them of the current way of dealing with bodies being unacceptable and encouraging fear. One which they will not wish to discuss between themselves."

Merlin snorted, "Well that's easy. Just tell the stupid ones that only those with magic in the bloodline can see wandering the wandering spirits and those can be appeased by a sanctifying ritual and proper burial or cremation process, which pyres and a midden aren't. None will then want to admit to seeing the unquiet dead, they'll be to self involved to notice the odd behaviour of others fully, and very motivated to pass a law to protect themselves from being related to magic users, knowing it is not _themselves_ with the trait. No one likes being targeted by creepy assed spirits."

Lord Geoffrey's eyebrows had climbed progressively higher on his forehead, "Why are you not on the council boy? Arthur, Why is Elyan at the round table and not your diabolical manservant, Emrys?"

Arthur snorted, almost impressed, "Because he's my diabolical manservant, Lord Geoffrey. Believe me, that is a temporary situation."

"That might just work my Lord Emrys. Provided there were such co-operative wandering spirits that is."

Merlin grimaced, "Leave that part to me. Just tell me when and where you need them and they'll be there. Obviously it has to occur separately, or this won't work. The ones who _want_ there to be no change or who lack the mental capacity to evaluate things to Camelot's advantage will likely conclude it is a move against intrusive magic. Anyone who can think outside Uther's teaching, or with any background of magical learning however vague will understand, those looking for hope will see it. Those with the most virulent hatred- yes Geoffrey, I know which two it is- won't be able to see subtleties, and will likely be reactive. The only thing that might keep them quiet is self interest, and we risk them provoking those conflicted to refute it. My other alternative seems to be head on, probably in front of my father. Whatever we do it will make him paranoid- well more paranoid than usual."

Merlin shrugged. "You two know them best."

Lord Geoffrey hummed, "The older members will recall certain victims of the purge. There's a possibility of them being recognised." Arthur groaned at the way Merlin's eyes lit up, "Excellent. Tell me Lord Geoffrey, were there any who sat on the council with _before_ the Purge?" He asked innocently, in the way the old man knew better than to trust from Merlin… or his father.

"Lord Pye, two others. Do I want to know why?"

"Oh nothing, just asking for ghost allocation, I don't know who has day shift." Geoffrey decided it was best not to probe the idea of post-death shifts.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Concentrate idiot. We lack _time_. Geoffrey, I need to know if there are any others who you _know_ share your sympathies. I have no objections to organised haunting", Merlin sniggered in a non-reassuring fashion, "but if there are any who do it would be preferable to simplify things not have them trying to disentangle multiple layers of meaning and misdirection. I don't want to alienate those who already support us."

"You don't think it wouldn't be more disorienting to have no idea what's going on?"

Arthur scrubbed a hand down his face, "Alright, I don't suppose there are any _nice,_ non-threatening undead available today?"

Merlin twitched glancing sidelong at Lord Geoffrey. This was not good, no one wanted to think their niece had been trapped between worlds for twenty years, "I can see if she's available. Sarcastic bastard is a guarantee, hel he'd turn up for fun, there's a couple I've managed to avoid who have an unspoken reputation for putting the fear of gods into anyone exposed to them."

"Keep me updated. If the gentle one is around ask her to speak to and names Geoffrey gives you to tell them change is coming at last. If not, spare them the one you refuse to decorate with ribbons. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that."

Lord Geoffrey stared at him "Well then, show me. Let me see what state your proposition is in." There was a taut silence as the old archivist read over each of the proposed laws several times, stopping occasionally to examine one closer. Nodding thoughtfully as he clasped his hands on the desk and looked up at his Regent. "These were not done overnight Sire, without consideration or on emotion alone. Well considered, as far as I can tell only a couple of intentional loopholes, no obvious accidents for exploitation. Well written but for one thing; you will require an assigned person to decide which customs pose a risk to the people of Camelot and which do not. Unlike you to neglect such a detail since you were sixteen. May I presume you have a solution in mind?"

Arthur glowered at the smirking archivist. "Merlin, when do you see the Druid council again?"

"Full moon you utter ass."

"And are we expecting to need an official determination of such customs unusual enough before then?"  
"Other than my father, and the mass graves? No sire." Merlin responded sarcastically. _He_ was always expecting the least convenient option at any given time.

"Good." Arthur grinned, pleased that he could at last unsettle his friend in return.

"You need to have official reasons for being included in the council before it's completely reshuffled. I can't very well state 'because he's my best friend' or 'Magic's not totally legal but welcome the new court sorcerer' can I. Congratulations. You'll have to put up with two different sets of titles for a bit though, which is always annoying."

"Two sets- _Arthur,_ You haven't even asked me if I'll accept one set yet!"

Arthur looked confused, "You already have one set Merlin, but I can't very well tell them you get a seat because you're Emrys and leader of the Catha, or High priest, or king of the druids or something. That'll still be technically illegal for a bit, and I think 'High priest of the Old Religion', and 'Last Dragonlord' are pretty big giveaways of 'I have Magic', don't you think?"

Lord Geoffrey snorted, "Prince Arthur does make a good point my lord. Even the slowest might catch the connotations in _those,_ and you walk already with more confidence and pride in your bearing than any proper servant would ever show. You always have. _"_

Merlin glared at the old man who made no indication of noticing. "Ok. It's a start, but don't think that we are finished, I will _not_ just be doing as you decide because you say so!"

Arthur smiled, he did understand the feeling really, but it was still entertaining to torture his friend.

"Well, If that's all gentlemen? I think I had better get dressed, do send my servant back if you catch him on the way, old bones and all, and he might want to check I haven't had my chambers ransacked." The words were sharp, but his tone gentle, and more than earned Arthur knew, having done the same to Gaius and Merlin many times before, and others less fortunate.

"Of course Lord Geoffrey, your aid in our endeavours is appreciated." Arthur nodded formally and left, Merlin hesitated, "Do you need any assistance before I leave sir?"

The old Lord barked a laugh, "Well isn't that quite the honour! No, thank you. I suspect your master would not take well to my monopolising you, eh?"

Merlin chuckled, he doubted it would actually bother Arthur, but he certainly had plenty to be doing with the time.

He jogged to catch up with a fast moving prince, "You have messages to deliver, Merlin, and little time for it. Go quickly." and Merlin did. That Arthur could plan battles strategically wasn't _news_ to Merlin but it was disconcerting to be a part of those strategies that he included in calculations. He had an unexpected surge of sympathy for the Lords he routinely manipulated into being unable to publicly disagree or disobey.

Rounds were mercifully without complications following so many things that kept crowding out his other thoughts.

There was no way he could return to his own chamber for more than a couple of minutes then to attempt to contact any conveniently dead friends, so instead he decided the best option would be to grab his knives, one of the dragonlord books, and try the prince's chambers; where Lachlan at least seemed to be perfectly happy to obnoxiously appear.

Getting out the book and thinking very, _very_ hard about Kilgarrah as he read seemed to be effective, though Merlin was almost certain that was a good enough reason for Lachlan _not_ to oblige next time. It was like dealing with Will during his less cooperative stage.

"You called, o great one." Yep. Bored dragonlords were the _worst._ Merlin studiously ignored the voice the Arthur-voice that pointed out _he_ was a bored dragonlord, muttering at it 'I don't have time to be bored'.

"How would you like some variety in the council members you get to piss off today?" He began, unable to resist joining in as the ghost threw back his head and laughed.

"It must be Solstice. What did I miss?" The dragonlord was, to absolutely no surprise, more than happy to be aimed at the most hateful and two faced of the council members and given more or less a blank card as long as he affected and alarmed no one else, as that was actually an important factor for them not to collectively decide it was the work of an evil sorceress.

"I believe you may actually know some of them. Consider it completely fine to use personal knowledge that will assure them you are authentic, not the echo or someone else wearing a familiar face. They have to believe you are you. They also have to have different enough stories to be unable to easily question each other without detail."

"Gladly Emrys, with one change. If you want it believable, send this one Eileen."

Merlin looked up puzzled, "Him? But he's a putrid, hateful piece of-"  
"Exactly. She turned him down. He brought charges of witchcraft against her. As forgiving as she usually is, give _him_ to _her,_ consider it a favour I'll owe you _._ If nothing else it might rein him in."

Merlin looked as though he could spit fire, which was tempting to try but also potentially lethal so unwise. "Done. Can you locate the others and give them my instructions?"

"Certainly, Lord Emrys."  
"Oh, and I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave Uther alone today unless it's the strong silent thing in the council room, in case one of the cruel ones asks him."

"I'll make do with this lot. What do you want us to do with Gaius, Merlin?"

Merlin groaned. "You know what, leave Gaius, he doesn't need any reassurance and knows what I am, who Arthur is, and I don't fancy the lecture if someone dead-pranks him or decides to throw up old sins. I need to know where his _current_ loyalties lie and I can't guess it reliably, I want to see what he decides on his own, not with instructions or heavy handed hints. He already knows I'm watching, and canny enough not to need the reminder. If _he_ can't make the connection between showing me the mass graves tomorrow and Arthur's changes then his problems are way more severe than I've been providing adequately for, and I sincerely hope they are not."

"As you wish my Lord." The dragonlord said approvingly and faded away.

The lore was fascinating, but dense, and when he was interrupted by a sharp knock at the chamber doors Merlin had taken a break and was folding sheets in various different ways. Without thinking, he opened the door with magic and Gwaine stepped into the room looking shaken. "Merlin you're ne- uh...Merlin? What are you doing?"

"Folding. Obviously."

"Yeees, I see that, but _why?_ And why in so many different ways? Gwaine looked at the myriad patterns displayed in some weird exhibition of landry origami.

"Because of knitting." replied Merlin distractedly.

"Sure, alright. And why is knitting important mate?"

"My storage chest isn't big enough. Oh! Ooh! It's the loops! It's the _loops and knotting_ that are the key! Oh that is _brilliant_ that is."

"Sooo, are we done with the sheets now?"

"Sheets? What sheets? Oh, those sheets." Merlin crossed the room, closed the door and whispered in the old tongue as the laundry pile vanished from the bed. Gwaine snorted, only Merlin would command creatively folded linen to jump into a chaotic bundle next to the prince's bed, but then, neatly folded might make Arthur think he was sick, so it made a twisted sort of sense. Talking to Merlin was a lot like being drunk some days. Today it seemed, was going to be one of those days, which was unfortunate timing really.

"Good, done. Arthur sent me. You have visitors… in the throne room."

"I don't get visitors, no one visits me." The man replied unphased, "Yeah, well, now they do, and trust me, it might be a good time to pull out the Kilgarrah face and fancy coat. Seems someone decided to stop by Ealdor on their way past the borders, they say they are your mother's personal guard. Something you want to tell us?" but Gwaine was talking to and empty space, cursing he took off down the hall, the last thing they needed was Merlin storming all hands blazing into the throne room to face down some already thoroughly chastised warriors and being forced to explain. Instead he arrived in record time to see an extremely relieved warlock being scolded by a tiny woman periodically protesting that no, the guard was absolutely nothing to do with him, and he had no idea why they were there- well he sort of did- but definitely didn't send them, as Percival and Lancelot turned purple trying not to laugh.

Lancelot had been puzzled at the claim. If Merlin was going to send an escort to Ealdor he'd certainly have known about it, and would most likely have asked Lancelot himself to go, or possibly Gwaine as he appeared to be willing to do most things on little more than a word from Merlin. He'd internally panicked when some obviously elite warriors entered flanking what was apparently Merlin's _mother_ and more so to see them kneel when he entered the room, far sooner than Gwaine should have been able to return him and looking rather frantic. It was the first time he'd seen any interaction between the others after learning that Merlin's magic was now known, and his fingers twitched near his sword hilt.

Percival, who had a much better idea of what might be going on than he'd thought, also had enough sense to try not to be noticed by the small woman, gods, peasant women who survived on their own were tougher than old boots and this one had raised a warlock unseen. He planned on living to see tomorrow.

Apparently realising fully where she was and that perhaps explanations might be required Hunith turned to face the Prince, "My apologies Sire, I am not often so uncouth, but the escort was quite unnecessary and refused to let me get on with things unhindered, when Merlin well knows every hour matters at this time."

"I swear mum, I had no idea."

"Please, you are welcome to command my servant," Hands settled instantly on sword hilts, - "That is, _Lord Merlin"_ , he rolled his eyes, "whenever you wish, you seem to be the only one who _can_ bring him to heel. With the added bonus of it's high entertainment value." Arthur was smirking at his friend.

"Lady Hunith, these are Sirs Percival and Leon, Sir Gwaine is… well he's somewhere; Merlin, where _did_ you leave him?" Merlin looked cautiously to Hunith, then the rest of the room and swallowed. "Behind me."

" _Merlin."_ Chorused his mother and his king, Arthur's tone holding a warning.

"Outside your chambers Arthur."

The corner of Arthur's lips were twitching, "So should I assume then that you left before he got to the part of the explanation where your mother walked here from Ealdor to tear you a new one for this 'latest stunt', arriving as the first known person to have intimidated two full fledged Catha warriors?" Merlin looked between his mum and the two men ranged casually against three of Camelot's finest, and Gwaine as he arrived, and broke into peals of laughter. "Oh gods, Oh my gods, they tried to take on _mum?_ " He turned wide eyes on Arthur, who gave up on keeping a straight face and grinned back. Brushing tears from the corners of his eyes Merlin took a deep breath as Gwaine threw him a reassuring wink from the door and took his advice.

The servant's stance fell away and he dropped the concealment spell from his coat, his friend beamed wider and a hissed intake of breath sounded from Percy's direction. Merlin couldn't spare the attention but Arthur subtly checked his first knight and saw Percival's massive hand was still and relaxed by his side. It was enough to assure Prince Arthur that he wasn't actually alarmed by the situation; at least not for the obvious reasons.

Hunith's quiet dignity did nothing to hide her delight, and Arthur himself felt a bloom of pride as he watched Merlin meet the eyes of each of the men with respect but without flinching or trying to make himself _less._ He'd encountered plenty of noblemen like himself who made themselves seem _more_ important and lacked respect for others, even of equal or greater skill. Narcissists and braggarts had always abounded in such society.

Looking between the three men before him Arthur could easily see who held the authority over the other two, and yet it was not so apparent in the way that _he_ treated _them,_ as in the way _they_ acted towards _him._ Their respect was offered freely rather than demanded, a value he had unconsciously internalised, one that had resulted in his gaining a tight knit and loyal inner circle, even a few he called _friends_.How very different things could have been had they never been thrown together!

He realised with a start that what he was seeing was how others, those outside Camelot and Ealdor, who understood, viewed Merlin. The woman in the woods had been one they stumbled upon, not one to seek them out intentionally. Lord Geoffrey had known Merlin's father as a young man, and Gwaine was Gwaine, and these men had not been green. They understood.

Arthur had spent his life evaluating men at arms, measuring them, learning to read each in a look, and the two before him were no new guards who drew the short straw. This was a task that men had argued for, they were the sorcerer counterpart to Lancelot and Gwaine. Trusted not to leak information, sent on non widely known quests, and, he was quite sure, the best of them.

The warriors who had knelt to him though had intentionally sought out Emrys, knowingly offered their lives in his service, whether or not his friend wished to acknowledge that.

Though to be fair, _he_ wouldn't have wanted to be the one explaining to Merlin why Hunith got second rate protection either, even _before_ he knew the man was the most powerful warlock to ever live. Who apparently was still slightly afraid of his mother.

He'd tease him for that later, but the point remained that her guards didn't look quite so sure of the wisdom in their life choices when the travellers arrived.

Merlin relaxed the set of his shoulders. Arthur and Gwaine were right, he needed to improve his skill with blades, but he could _feel_ the power of those before him; he could be confident they would feel his. He let it bubble a little inside him, not _doing_ anything, just not locking it down as tightly as usual, and saw them step backwards, missing the expression on Arthur's face at their reaction. Puzzled Merlin eased back and saw his mother shooting him a look of reproach. "Thank you Sirs for looking after my Mother. It was not my intention to send anyone lest it draw attention to their village, but I cannot deny that her safety is important to me and my concern has been growing of Morgana's desire for vengeance against all who have wronged her. The men present are safe custodians of an explanation, but this place is not. I hope you didn't walk from the gates of the city dressed so openly?" Merlin gestured to their attire, the full length loose robes were as subtle as a Camelot red cloak and armour among a sea of druid green hoods. He turned back towards the Prince, "Is there a safer place for us to talk Sire?"

Arthur nodded seriously, "You are welcome to use my study, as it is. Father never goes near it, and I suspect you also have a great deal to talk about with your mother." Arthur couldn't tell what Merlin was thinking but he knew that in the same circumstances _he_ wouldn't want witnesses when the immediate relief of her safety wore off. "Your presence at council today will still be necessary as you know, but you may take tomorrow off for your own purposes. Hunith, lovely to see you again, you are welcome to anything that is mine to give as long as you are here. Sir Gwaine." He called the knight forward. "Please see that accommodations are found for Lady Hunith, Gwen I am sure would be glad to assist." Arthur knew that Hunith would be expecting to stay with her son and his 'guardian', but since that arrangement no longer stood, he was unwilling to facilitate the possibility of further deceit of his friend by his family. Or an agreement over how much to continue to withhold. "Aye Sire." Gwaine nodded to indicate that he understood, "And Gwaine, see that her escort remain, there is a situation currently that I would appreciate her not being left open to, and of course, the king. While he may not bet abroad he is not _safe."_ Gwaine schooled his expression firmly, no, Uther knew Hunith in a past life. They couldn't risk it, not when they were so close.

"You are sure Sire?" Merlin scanned him carefully, " _Merlin,_ I hardly need you there every moment of the day," One of those standing by his servant growled and he sighed, "Send George to attend to unessential tasks. I'll share the fruit of his unique brand of humour with you later. Go."

The party walked in silence uncharacteristic of Merlin and his mother, but this was clearly the first she was hearing of any change in his situation, or others knowing of his magic, and Gwaine needed this time to keep his mouth shut, the stakes were too high. In other circumstances the sight of one small peasant woman being escorted through Camelot castle flanked by two Catha, one of the best knights, and the most powerful warlock, for a chat in the prince's private study would be amusing, but not today. Like this it felt like the calm before a storm.

Gwaine stopped by the door "Well, I have my orders to find Lady Guinivere if either of you would like a tour, but I get the feeling that now is a bad time." He clapped Merlin on the shoulder, squeezing lightly, "Curtains and soundproofing might be a good idea mate. You've got this."

Dipping an almost imperceptible bow, enough to appease their company he left without delaying.

Merlin spoke quietly to the men who apparently had volunteered their services, ensuring his other couldn't hear and got similar wide eyed looks and abrupt nods.

He left the two men in a glamour of palace guard garb on the door, casting the silencing spell as the door shut heavily behind him, asking the goddess for patience.

"It seems like a lot has changed son." Hunith's smile faltered as Merlin's gaze met hers, eyes dark and stormy. "Why?" He demanded harshly, a bitter snort leaving him at the confusion obvious in her expression.

"Why what Merlin?"

"Ha! Yeah. Figures." He rand hands through his hair, finding himself pacing, the energy needing to go _somewhere_ as the air crackled uncomfortably around them. So many damn questions. Some of it makes sense. I get why you ran, I do, and why you might've split up with dad, for direction or otherwise. There is so bloody much though. How long did you think it would last? Was this some short term thing you never bothered to fix? Or a long term plan? And what the hell was that with Gaius, demanding I not be told? Do you know how many times that nearly got me killed, or how many innocent people might not have died if I'd only bloody known? Oh, but it gets even better, doesn't it. Not only was Dad a dragonlord- which by the way meant that at least two men recognised me- but I got thrown into the middle of a fucking blood feud, along with two others who had no idea either, and left to sort out the mess that was made years before we were even walking. I came home mum, I came home and you _met them._ Tell me you didn't know who she was. Morgana. Really, tell me, because I can't believe it. You knew then didn't you…"  
Merlin paused and looked up in horror, "Oh. My. Gods. You used the words, you- _how much did you know Mum?_ You let me leave and walk back here with no sign. You said it to me and I just thought it was funny you'd use the exact words so far from where I heard them first. 'two sides of the same coin', we 'need each other'. You didn't though. You'd heard the prophecy. Did you know the others, or was that unexpected." He could hear thunder rumbling distantly, or maybe it was the blood roaring in his ears. It felt like something that usually only woke when he was with Kilgarrah. "I need to know the truth mum. Not about what you think I am ready for, or won't hurt. Believe me, between Gaius, you, being Emrys without training, being poisoned, stabbed, maced, chained, shot with arrows, caught by serkets, blasted with dragon fire and handed to the bloody witch catcher, I'm pretty certain that you can't devise anything on the spot that's worse. Though you can be sure Morgana is trying."

Hunith's throat burned and her eyes stung. "I didn't know at first. When Bal left I didn't even know you existed,and when you were born with magic I thought maybe it was a Dragonlord thing, then never really shared lore. I guess that with it being by bloodline it didn't seem necessary. Then at the beginning you couldn't understand or control any of it at all, so we couldn't travel to find anyone who could help; as you got older I realised that hiding in plain sight, somewhere that wasn't important enough to draw attention was safer than most other options. You were always so friendly though, and if a traveller had mentioned a name you recognised the risk was too high."

"So you decided to keep us alone. Keep me alone."

"Yes. I did."

He wondered if she'd have thought the same if she'd watched the time one kid convinced him his father was the devil. He'd had nightmares for weeks and never told her what they were about.

"If recognising a simple name was risky why did you use the metaphor?"

"It wasn't conscious. Not some twisted test if that's what you thought. I only realised after I'd seen your recognition what it was I'd been half afraid of for so long. I told you to go that day because I knew that you would regret it if you didn't, and you already loved him."

Merlin's eyes narrowed and he chuckled,"Huh. It seems village life does change you. Yes I loved him. Not like that though, in spite of the knights best efforts we were never _in_ love." He watched his mum's features closely, "I love him like Dad loved Igraine." Her eyes widened. Good. She knew then what that meant, and that he couldn't be lied to like a fifteen year old with guilt issues. This had real consequences, for real people, real _kingdoms_.

" _Unlike_ him I've grown up in a world where giving second chances mean you die. More importantly, those around you and vulnerable die, something I have learned the hardest way." Neither face was dry anymore, so many wounds torn open, but delaying them would make it no easier on either of them. Hunith reached up a palm to his cheek brushing off tears of rage and pain, ignoring her own. He looked piercingly at her. "Did you ever regret your decision to keep me?"

Her instant reply was firm and punched the breath from him, "Yes." She hurried on, afraid he might slip from her, "You came home so often bruised and sore, always hiding behind a smile. I knew then that I had been selfish. Sometimes it would be fine for a whole season, and then there were the times I would bind your cracked ribs; see you nearly starve. We'd be so close to a solution, but when people are desperate they always look for an easy cause. Magic then… It was the easiest thing to blame suffering on. I lied when you were growing up. A lot. Every time someone got close I would lie, or draw back. At some point it got easier than the truth. You know exactly how that is my son. So yes. I have sometimes regretted my decisions, but I have _never, ever regretted_ **you.** Don't ever think it." She stared up at him fiercely he wrapped long arms around her and rested his chin on her head. Both quietly lost in their own thoughts.

"How did you find out?" Hunith asked quietly.

"Which part?" asked Merlin.

"Any of it."

He sighed "I can't tell you that. There is a great deal to be done to rebuild between us Mum."

She nodded against his chest, "I know, and I'm sorry."

"What happened with Gaius. He's a good man, but he's made terrible mistakes too. Your Chambers would have been safer."

"No, they wouldn't Mum. I don't share with him anymore. There was a great deal between us, and it remains so, though perhaps with time it may ease. I can't pretend or go back to ignorance. Any more than the Prince Regent can." Merlin face grew troubled, "Gaius needs help mum. I was doing almost all of the leg work until recently, and he's suffered these past couple of years. Arthur's asked me to find someone else to help, and someone to train properly as a physician, his requirements for the post will be _difficult_ to find in Camelot. As long as you are here I wondered if you would be willing. The knights will be a pain in the ass about you doing actual normal work, and _not_ working would drive you crazy. I can't stay with him - for mutual safety reasons if nothing else - but he is still important to me. Actually a lot like Uther to Arthur. To have someone there to look after him and be company would mean a lot to me. One of your guards would be there at all times, they'll follow you otherwise, and I'm not about to tell them to stop, accident contacts or not. My room is empty though, and it doesn't look like you brought much. Gwen might appreciate the variety in company too. She's been drowning in sweaty men since Morgana's betrayal, and the only thing they have in common is a love of armour."

Hunith sniffed and giggled."Daughter of a blacksmith." He explained.

"Ah, I see. She probably knows more about it than they do then."

"Many types, certainly. Not the type am supposed to have, but without a son, it was dangerous for Dad to keep it."

Hunith stepped away from him to give her son an appraising look. "Whoever this belonged to before chose well. It looks good on you, and you in it. I hoped you would never have need of a sword, but it would seem that was a vain hope indeed." A wistfulness seeped from her words that frustrated Merlin, he had used one as much as his magic when the fought Kanen, but then, so many things had happened then, and Will had been a second son to her, little wonder that detail had been lost.

"I wish I'd had the chance to learn from Balinor, there is so much that could have been different, that those who _did_ know who I am assumed I must have been taught. People died Mum. They died at my hands because no one thought I deserved to know except a bare handful who thought it was so obvious that it never crossed their mind to think I might not. I won't let it happen again; to carry that every day is a terrible thing. You were right about Arthur and I. We need each other. The responsibility is one of the reasons."

They both carried guilt, but keeping _that_ secret might be her deepest regret. "If I could change things I would, but no one can choose well every time."

Merlin made a non committal noise, neither disagreeing nor absolving her of a wound that ran too deep still. "I won't try and make you stay, but I would appreciate it. The timing is utterly terrible though, and I have to ask that you try and be unnoticed for a couple of days, to have his motives questioned right now would be profoundly detrimental to Arthur and a peaceful end to decades of bloodshed."

Hunith nodded slowly, "Yes, you did seem to be in a difficult position earlier, I didn't mean to make things harder, they just would _not_ let me get on with anything."  
"Well, fortunately several of the knights and a few patients are aware that Gaius has been in need of a proper assistant for some time, and that I have been unable to help as much since Arthur's had more duties, so it's probable that most will just think you've come in response to a family emergency or to care for him. Don't go anywhere without checking with Arthur or I first. Please mum, I know you hate being confined, you just need to be patient for a few days first." Visibly disgruntled Hunith bit back a comment, recalling all the times she'd said similar things to Merlin. Except for him it had been for years, and thinking of how he had appeared in the throne room earlier she conceded the point.

"He'd be so proud of you, you know. I'm sorry that he never got to say that to you, but he would have been so proud of the man you are." Long ago they'd discussed it, the most important traits of a person, the values they hoped to teach, before all such dreams were buried and women started praying _not_ to conceive on Beltaine and drinking tansy.

Her son stared down at her seriously, "He did mum. Just the once before he died. I know."

He wanted to tell Hunith that Balinor would have forgiven her. Would have understood her actions better than Merlin did, but the truth was they had never discussed it, and he had no idea how Balinor would have reacted. They didn't know each other. Feeling as though he should offer her _something_ he instead said quietly, "He still loved you."

In some ways that was worse than if he'd remained silent as he could see her heart break, he owed it to them both though, to remind her. It bothered him more than he was willing to admit that his mother had never _looked_ for his father. When he could have been dead, most likely _was_ by Merlin's child reckoning, it made sense. Now that he knew what his father had been he missed that belief that it was impossible to know. Had his father died, _at any point_ , he would have inherited the powers of the dragonlords and Hunith would definitely have realised. Somehow that changed things.

Merlin still believed she must have had good reason for doing so- or at least what _she_ believed were good reasons, because she must have known that it would be choosing to remain alone, there would have been no hope for a second family for her. He just thought it was and always had been the wrong decision. Balinor was going to die, and he would inevitably have become Kilgarrah's Lord, and really it was amazing that hadn't happened sooner.

"It isn't your House displayed on this." She said sadly.

"Until recently I didn't know I had one. Or a family name. No one here will show me my own." the defensiveness in his tone irked him.

"Would- would you like me to? I can't guarantee not making a mistake with runes, but the whole is easy enough."

Shaking his head Merlin stilled her hands reaching for some way to draw it, "No, I'd far rather you didn't take any risks with such things, even _without_ magic. I've waited this long; I can wait a little longer." Something held him back from telling her about the variety of sources he had come across. Hunith was clever, and skilled at reading between the lines, he wasn't sure how much he wanted her to know yet, and didn't really have time to consider it.

A mental tap, like someone knocking gently caught his attention, _"Lord Emrys, there is a woman here who says she was sent, a Lady Gwen. Should we permit her in?"_

How strange it was to be the one being asked for permission. Merlin crossed to the door, opening it with a warm smile, "Gwen! Thank you, I completely forgot to mention with how busy everyone's been lately, but that's actually one of the reasons I needed help in the first place. You know I'm Gaius assistant, and he's been taking a bit longer to recover than I'd like, but he really needs more time than I can give unless I stopped being the clotpole's servant. In a rare moment of benevolence our royal prat agreed that I should find someone to take over some of the physician's duties- actually he demanded more than one but that's a whole other problem, but, well, in the interim I needed someone who knows Gaius' systems-"

"-and you were worried about him. I understand. Sometimes it's easier to trust family to care for each other, and you'd rather not risk his position."

Merlin shivered internally at familial trust, "Yes. If Arthur was being less of a demanding prat today I'd go and sort things for them myself, but I think I've used up today's grace." He grimaced, "I swear I told him when I sent the message to Mum, but he'd no recollection at all today. Probably wasn't paying attention the first time," he snorted.

"Probably not." Gwen laughed, not mentioning Hunith's lack of a rucksack, "Are these the two who arrived with her?"

Merlin blinked, "Aye. There's been some trouble along the border since so many were lost, and Lot has been driving people off after the crops suffered in the takeover. The idiots following Morgana too often obeyed the slash and burn approach. I asked in the message if Mum knew of anyone with usable medical skills, and the brothers offered their services. Gaius can test them later, but he was out all night at a patient's in the lower town. It's not ideal but my old room is clean and ready if you're willing to help Mum set up. Oh and, I don't think you need asking but would you mind not mentioning this? It's not common knowledge that Gaius is getting frail and how badly affected he was. Even if Uther wasn't the type to remove men for less, if anyone on the council finds out it could be a disaster, especially while the only one the king allows to treat him is Gaius and we haven't yet evaluated the degree of skill our only other options except for me, have. One of the old coots has been just waiting for an excuse to get Gaius exiled from court since before I arrived." Merlin rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, looking as if to check for any eavesdroppers, but it was hardly the first time he'd come to her asking for help or to implement something quietly so it caused fewer problems for Arthur.

After her time in Court on both sides she knew well the damage a rumour, even unsubstantiated, could do, and anyone with a king's ear had enemies. "Of course Merlin. I'm sure you won't object to me sharing tea with Hunith though? It's been so long since we last spoke."

Merlin beamed, "Of course not! I was rather hoping you would, the knights would be _loud_ , and Arthur seemed to be planning to work me into the wee small hours." Merlin heaved a sigh of long suffering and shrugged. "Still, at least he's not complaining that I invited Mum without informing him first. Yet." So apparently giving up lies did not apply to Gwen yet.

Gwen giggled, yes she could well imagine the prince deciding that any and all miscommunication was Merlin's fault.

"Oh, why were you up here instead of down at Gaius's anyway?"

Merlin frowned, "Gaius was out until morning Gwen, I didn't want to risk waking him, if he rose and found it was later than he intended he wouldn't go back to sleep. I wanted to speak to my mother and explain what wasn't secure to include in the note without disturbing him or risking Gaius overhearing. He is a stubborn man, and his pride sometimes keeps him working when he should stop to treat his own ailments. Medicine is different to other crafts, and there is no stopping at nightfall, even for a man as old as Gaius. I'm not sure he could anymore after so many years of the habit. Arthur was kind enough to offer the use of his study so that we would not inconvenience any of the Lords, Ladies, or knights. Apparently I'm bitchy when I'm worried and he refuses to listen to it for a full day. I am _not_ bitchy." He frowned.

"You really _are_ Merlin."

"Am not."

"You told Sir Percival that I would _steal his soul_ because I needed a measurement." Gwen squeaked in outrage.

"It would complete your collection." He smirked.

"See. Bitchy when worried. We'll be fine."

Hunith was smiling as she watched them, glad that her son seemed to have found a sister in the young woman, saddened that it came so naturally for him to lie smoothly to her.

"Thanks Gwen. I'll bring you non-apology flowers when we stop for more than a breath."

"You'd better!" She called over her shoulder, followed by Hunith and her guards as Merlin locked the door behind him, then paused abruptly, _"Please, please tell me that between you there is some actual medical experience, that was a massive leap from priest and warrior to 'able to stop someone bleeding out and treat infection before it becomes and amputation.' Otherwise I have some serious revisions to make."_

The man who had spoken to him earlier sent amusement through their connection, _"I wish I'd known how little you've been told, what good would a warrior be if his first battle wound killed him. All priests can heal, even if they must do so without magic. It is not a skill that comes naturally to all. Do not be alarmed, your physician is not in danger and we shall not tarnish your name. Either of them."_

" _Whew. You just saved me a task that I really do_ not _have time for. My thanks. Oh, and Gwen doesn't_ really _steal souls."_

" _Yes."_ came the agreement, _"She lacks the skill and motivation to do so."_

" _She does, though I was rather hoping that wasn't the only reason."_ sent Merlin dryly.

" _..."_

" _..."_

" _This Sir Percival, he can joke about magic?"_ There was a curiosity in his voice that made Merlin wonder whether it was persecution or responsibility that had him questioning that.

" _The one from earlier who dwarfs a tree. No, he can't officially, because the laws are not yet repealed. He has family connections to The People though, and guessed my magic."_

" _Did he indeed. Ah, I must go."_

" _He did. I need you to ensure that my mother and uncle are not left alone together today, until I or Arthur have had a chance to speak to them."_

" _Understood. In future you may find scrying to be of some use. Go freely Lord Emrys."_

Merlin broke the connection and headed towards the most likely place to find Prince Arthur at this time, almost immediately colliding with Gwaine, who reached out to steady him. "So...distracted then. Princess told me to wait for you, how did it go?"

Merlin ran hands through dark hair that was already sticking up in every direction from the earlier conversation. "Complicated. Very complicated. Not smooth, but better than with Gaius."

"Yeah, I got that with the thunder, nothing worse fortunately. You know some people use stress balls mate."

"Some use mass murder." Scoffed Merlin.

"True, let's keep that as a back up plan though eh? Only for use if the first ten fail. If you need to get out of here, we'll get you out, but no going on killing sprees, ok? At least not without written permission from the Princess."

"Balance Gwaine," Groaned Merlin, you lot are always so blase about the composition of reality and its continued existence."

"Reality is overrated and has lion-eagles, blue fairies with gates between worlds, invisibility cloaks, and dragons in it. I don't trust reality." Declared the knight.

Merlin considered refuting it and couldn't, not for anyone non-magical. "Fair point. Reality also has ale, taverns, pretty girls, campfire stories, and handsome men though."

"You heard the bit where we shouldn't trust that, right?"

Merlin laughed, "No, no we probably shouldn't but you know what today also has? Hope."

Gwaine gripped his right shoulder tightly, "Aye. I could trust in _that_."


	42. Chapter 41

Arthur was waiting for them. "Your mother has either the world's best timing or it's very worst. I'm guessing from the sheer panic you tore into my hall in- well, I _assume_ you tore as one minute you weren't there and the next you were standing beside them, that you had no idea and definitely did not _send_ anyone. What have you done with them for now."

Merlin groaned, "Ugh, they're with Gwen. Or rather, Gwen is with _them._ Mum's going to be set up in my old room. It bloody _wasn't_ a plan, but Gaius really does need someone, and the men are of an order of warrior priests, so they've both learning and experience in healing, it solves a problem while there are more urgent ones."

Arthur frowned, "One apprentice physician I can pass off easily, two will attract questions about why we need two replacements for a spry old man when you still work with him, I'm glad Hunith has someone to defend her but Merlin… I've seen that woman with a broom… does she really _need two?"_

"Need two? Of course she doesn't. Gods no, she barely needs one. But _we do._ I need someone to help me work out what the buggering fuck is going on in the basement of nightmares who can drag my limp, broken body out of there if I screw it up, and actually knows what they are doing. You need to put some serious surveillance on Morgana's survivors, who are not recognised knights, and have to be allowed out today because she'll expect some confirmation of arrival, and otherwise will just send the next ones in… which defeats the point in keeping them alive so far. If you've got a better option I'm all ears- oh ha-bloody-ha- but this is the best I've got right now. I should get _some_ credit for accidentally summoning actual healers."

Arthur crossed his arms and looked with amusement at his servant. "Credit which I would absolutely give you Merlin, but for the vital point you included of 'accidental summoning'. You get credit when you can do it _intentionally_."

"I'm not convinced." Griped Merlin, "They probably have a bloody Seer giving them hints."

The prince rolled his eyes, "Fine. We'll try it. Ugh, looks like your ghosts are working, Lord Edgar looks greener than a weed." He paused, eyeing Merlin warily,  
"Be careful Merlin. Don't take anyone into the vaults you aren't absolutely certain of, that could be disastrous." Arthur held his stare until his friend agreed, not that he tended to be reckless about castle security anyway.

"I can even get Kilgarrah to check him beforehand if you like, but I should warn him first someone is coming. 'Garrah could incinerate first and question later if he thinks I'm being stalked by one of them. He's not tame, but he is fiercely loyal."  
Arthur's lips curled at the side, "A trait you both share, among others."

Merlin spotted Leon across the field and gestured towards him, "He isn't looking much better." _A_ _nd_ he was giving Merlin strange sidelong looks, but Arthur had already said that Merlin hadn't been mentioned in their discussion. He was overthinking it, he told himself. Far too much. Leon was a sensible man and a solid knight, and he didn't seem to be making any move towards threatening behaviour, or fearful, just _odd.  
_ He didn't think the prince would appreciate his manservant getting paranoid right now, and the was _no way in hell_ he was going to try and explain 'Leon is looking at me strangely' or 'it's not _what_ he is doing but how he's doing it'. He'd voluntarily spend a week in the stocks before handing _that_ gift to Arthur to mock him with. At any other time Merlin would have _welcomed_ the knights observation skills improving, or their general caution, but nooo, _that_ would have been too convenient. Years of Merlin behaving really very well, and it had to be when he finally did start plotting against the king that the knight was going to notice his magic. At least if Leon worked it out and told Arthur the prince already knew.

Arthur looked over and sighed, "No. I'd be surprised if he was. Give it time Merlin. If you can… and random people don't start bowing to you. That would require some explanation."

"Not really. He'd _want_ an explanation, I do not have to offer one. It's fine, if he asks, I'll tell him."  
As something clicked in his memory Merlin was suddenly very distracted by the Lord and he couldn't hear what Arthur was saying, instead reaching out to the men he'd left guarding his mother, _"There's someone I'm going to send down shortly. Have mum prepare something deeply unpleasant that will have an emetic effect, he'll be sent down feeling ill, tell him to rest at home, and take the draught just before to help him sleep. There are plenty of ingredients that will cause a feeling of lethargy. The more unpleasant the better. Nothing that's actually_ dangerous _, but anti-emetics don't work on many viruses anyway. Name's Lord Edgar. Nasty piece of work who has a history of preying on young girls. I am being_ very _restrained right now."_ From the answering fury and confirmation Merlin was certain that the old man was in for a _very_ unpleasant night. Killing was something he avoided whenever he could, but if he was asking Eileen to confront her worst memories and interact with the bastard who had had her murdered, then he was most certainly going to make sure that the old man shared some little of that suffering.

He wasn't completely comfortable with this aspect of himself, but moderation was probably better than him openly losing his shit and smiting the old man the next time he tried to screech 'magic is evil' or 'she deserved it'. No one _'_ _deserved it'._ The male servants as a whole made a conscious effort to protect and prevent the maids being assigned to the men who believed that, but even they couldn't be there all the time. Men with evil in their hearts would always find some way to inflict that evil on others, Merlin had found. In Uther's court, by Uther's rules, there would always be a disparity between the testimony of a servant and a noble. Between the weight one's words carried from the moment of birth. For all his faults- and they were _many and varied_ Merlin knew, Arthur had never fully believed _that_ , even back when he had been cruel as often as kind, Arthur had accepted his manservant's testimony against Valiant. The rejection still stung to remember, and had been a bitter experience, but the longer Merlin had observed the relationship between father and son- and between father and _daughter_ , the better he understood what a risk it had been. Uther punished Morgana privately, but he had found public humiliation to be extremely effective with the prince and used it with precision. Public humiliation was something with which Merlin was _intimately_ familiar, growing up without a father had made it unavoidable, and for a prince who needed men to follow him to be so punished was vindictive.

Leon was watching Prince Arthur and his manservant from his place on the field, something seemed different between them recently, and they weren't the only ones. Closer and less strained that they had become. Leon wondered if it was better left alone or questioned. He wasn't sure what was going on with Gwaine, but he knew the man hadn't been at the tavern as much in the past week or two, and that Merlin had been in the knights quarters more often than usual, even if that had increased with Lancelot and Gwaine's return to Camelot. Sir Leon actually _liked_ the prince's manservant, having been one of the few early on who had considered it may be beneficial to have someone who _didn't_ obey instantly every time, or called him on the poorer decisions. Leon had worried once about who might be chosen for the council from the men who were ages with the prince, and the wisdom of it all. Merlin's willingness to tell Arthur something was stupid had saved them from his pride already as far as Leon was concerned.

None of which explained what the idiot was doing talking to dead people, or more troubling, what those dead people were doing listening to him. Or respecting him. Or...well… any of it.

There were many things in Leon's life that didn't make sense, like the defensive trees, why druids had saved him, waking up from winning a battle with a dragon to no carcass, the way Gwaine never actually got drunk on patrol… but most of those seemed more dangerous to notice than to ignore. Merlin being director of ghosts seemed to have the possibility of leaning towards noticing being wiser.

Still. Arthur _needed_ Merlin, and if Merlin was executed for necro-something, or plain creepiness, that would be very difficult. So even in light of the Prince's recent revelations on the subject of magic and the laws, he didn't particularly want to be going to Arthur, especially as that would mean explaining why he suspected. No. He'd have to wait and see Merlin himself. Hopefully it wouldn't end badly. Merlin was the only person in the castle who actually believed that Arthur would choose a knight over his 'manservant', they weren't supposed to _say_ friend, and if he did the rest of the knights would blame him for any extra drills.

All he had to do was find a way to _catch_ Merlin, who had always been an elusive creature when he'd a mind to be, but seemed to currently exist only at Arthur's hip or in a separate place where normal humans could not go. At least the living ones. Gwaine he'd catch with apples or mead, Lancelot by asking Gwen, and Percival- well Percy was easy to spot for most people. As he debated how to catch a Merlin he began to realise how little he actually _knew_ about the man. He knew that Merlin was almost never in the tavern when Arthur thought he was; that he loathed Gaius' cooking and ate it anyway because wasting food was what he described as 'an unforgivable sin'. They discussed it once when Arthur had been teasing Merlin about rat stew, after the others had gone to their sleeping rolls, Leon had asked about Merlin's creativity and lack of horror. He had learned _that_ night what famine looked like outside a castle's thick walls, when there was no people's princess, no last minute reprieve. The man has spoken dispassionately and without shame about the reality that the majority of peasants lived with, his own childhood deprivation, and answered the few questions Leon asked without anger or judgement, seeming to realise that the noble had truly never known or understood. He made rat stew simply because rat was the one thing that stayed after all that was left was bodies; because his mother had made rat stew when that was what there was saying you didn't have to _like_ what there was, but you couldn't taste better if you died of starvation first.  
Merlin made it for _Arthur_ partly to see a broken man smile; he had made it for _himself_ because he wanted to live, and from the sound of it his mother had worked damn hard to keep them both alive that long.

They never mentioned it again, but something subtle has shifted that night and the respect that Leon had developed for the kid's bravery had birthed a respect for his quiet wisdom, often hidden behind the humour and banter, or the less than sane loyalty but there nonetheless. The longer he thought about it the more Leon realised that they saw what they looked for, all of them. Most obviously in Merlin, but not him alone. When Lancelot had first arrived in Camelot they knights had accepted his claims of nobility because they looked for honour and strength of conviction. They saw exactly what they expected because the man had those things in abundance, but they missed almost everything important, even after he fought the griffin.

Guinivere had lived in the palace since she was twelve, and yet had gone almost unnoticed for years because anyone 'important' only 'saw' her when they looked for a servant, and that was tragic. How much had he missed by never bothering to look, things that might not even be hidden, just not explicitly explained. He couldn't even claim Merlin had lied to him, because at no point had it occurred to him to _ask_ the man if he had seen a ghost. He hadn't asked why he claimed to _protect_ Arthur, or perhaps Merlin might have casually told him that he forbade the ghosts from hurting or scaring them. It was unsettling to know that he would have laughed that off as _Merlin being Merlin,_ or told him to sober up before work. Indeed how many of his assumptions were false… because if magic wasn't evil, and Uther had lied, if Merlin commanded ghosts without effort, then Leon was forced to reconsider a great many things. If Uther was intentionally executing innocents, then could it even be that _he_ was evil, and if he _was_ then how could Leon continue to follow him at all. The only possible way he could see was to give allegiance instead to Prince Arthur, and hope he was a better man than his father- as Leon believed he was. Gwaine obviously believed the same thing or he wouldn't have stayed in Camelot even for Merlin. Oddly since things had changed between them, for whatever reason, the strain that had been evident between the Prince Regent and the rogue knight at times, had lost its edge. There was no obvious jealousy, and before there had been, no matter how oblivious to it Merlin appeared to remain.

Unsurprisingly the Prince's manservant managed to disappear without a trace before Leon could get anywhere close to cornering him, and judging by the way everything hurt to move, Arthur was frustrated or worried right now, so asking or indicating concern about Merlin would be ill-advised. Arthur himself seemed to vanish shortly after, and when Leon questioned Gwaine about the whereabouts of either of them the man told him a story about a horse called Beatrix. He didn't ask again.

The situation was frustrating but not particularly unusual, until he began to listen for the low voices of the servants for some clue as to where he might look later, and instead caught snatches from two about his master being quiet beside himself earlier, and overhearing talk of disquiet spirits being seen only to be told not to be silly; they were seen by those who had magic in the bloodline. Something the first one disagreed with quite strongly.

Immediately he was noticed, all hushed talk stopped and he was watched closely, servants would be fools _not_ to get skittish when it was possible they had been overheard talking about such things. It was pushed to the back of his mind as Leon couldn't afford to dwell on it in the open either, but it _did_ make him wonder. Obviously the two were mistaken, as Sir Leon certainly had no magic, nor his family, but was it possible that men had misunderstood something with truth in it. Maybe only someone with a legacy of magic could command spirits? Either way if they were wandering about and causing trouble someone ought to tell Merlin to pass on a message, or...or something. In light of Prince Arthur's revelations it would be a serious risk to have someone demand a witch hunt.

Meanwhile the future king and his advisor were preparing for council, even if Merlin's attendance was not currently considered mandatory by the others. On the inside the warlock was freaking out, Arthur might be the only one there whose opinion really _mattered_ but he was the most important and the man was imagining all sorts of horrors, from Morgana storming the council chambers surrounded by giant bats, to Arthur's trousers falling down, to the druids arriving and announcing _his_ strategic marriage to someone he'd never heard of. Gods knew they'd tried that enough with Arthur, destiny was probably overdue to throw that at him.

"For the love of Camelot Merlin, _sit the fuck down_ you're making _me_ dizzy!" Yelled Arthur, throwing the nearest object at him, a gauntlet that Merlin automatically caught and threw down on the desk himself. The prince had definitely got less careful with the projectile selection than he was _before_ knowing about Merlin's magic, and he supposed that it was dysfunctionally sweet that the man had been making some effort not to _actually_ maim him. Right now it just pissed him off, especially the symbolism of thrown gauntlets. Fine, it was probably accidental, not a personal dig, but it _did not help his calm._ Even the usually oblivious Arthur looked slightly shocked when the gauntlet glowed red and began to melt, setting fire to the surface around it. Merlin stared at it, frozen in shock. "What are you doing Idiot, put the bloody fire out! Preferably before someone notices!" Merlin doused it suddenly in cold water. Still in a low-level panic he managed instead to douse _everything_ around it in cold water, muffling a shriek and wondering if Arthur might reconsider executing him as he glared fiercely at his maybe-friend through his wet blonde fringe. "It worked."

"It bloody better have!" Growled Arthur.

"Hey at least it's _after_ training, and frankly they'll like you better if you don't stink like sweaty pits and feet that have spent too long marinading in toad paste."

"Toad paste?"

"Physician's apprentice. It's exactly what it sounds like, and way more revolting than you'd expect."

"Noted. Next time you do that punish you with toad paste. I do not have time for your amateur dramatics Merlin, so dry me, and let's do it."

Arthur saw his servant hesitate, _"What now?"_

"I amn't going to magic you _all_ dry. I only wanted a tiny bit of water. I don't want to accidentally ash you for the sake of laziness."

" _Fine"_ ground out the Prince, "Find me towels and fresh clothes and NOW!"

Merlin's eyes flashed and several drying clothes appeared by them.

It took mere minutes to resolve and Arthur had to admit that he felt better for it, he really had been pretty ripe after using training to get rid of _his_ nerves. They had to find the warlock an equivalent. Somewhere safe… and far away from the castle.

Prince Arthur was the first man in the council chambers that afternoon. Usually he took advantage of the fact they could not start without them, and found it could be useful as a subtle reminder of who actually ran it and that the Lords should be careful not to exceed their authority. He arrived before Lord Geoffrey, before the minor Lords, or Gaius, and the king. Flanked by a silent and commanding Merlin. It made him wonder how so many people had ever accepted the man as 'only' a bastard peasant farmer. Standing at his right shoulder Merlin had been offering advice, solace, and constructive criticism almost as long as they'd known each other. His right hand side was _Merlin's place._

He waited to take his seat so that the men would not be standing over him, this time, but none were _late_ this time, a wide variety of expressions on their faces, from silent hope, to a false calm- Merlin recognised it, the man was _too_ calm, too desperate to show that he didn't care and wasn't worried. Definitely a personal stake in the issue. Useful to know.

Arthur waited until the unusually quiet council had seated themselves and were shifting uncomfortably before raising the problems of dealing with the dead, knowing it would be the first thing occupying the men present, and that leaving it to fester might allow them time to notice each other more than he'd like. Unlike such meetings led by Uther he did not open with fury and paranoia, or demand to know where the evil sorceress was hiding, stating that he didn't know what might have caused the spirits of the dead to remain, or how many were present- technically true. The knights were willing to attempt to find out and do all things possible to resolve the problem, but are having difficulty with investigations. Obviously there was no one with the knowledge to be certain but it appeared there was some belief about only those with magic in the bloodline, though perhaps not themselves magic, being able to see them. That was creating difficulty in gaining accurate reports of course. From the little research that it had been possible in such a short time to conduct it seemed that the primary problem was the improper disposal of bodies. He turned to the only one at the table with more practical experience of dealing with death than himself. "Gaius, have you read anything on the subject?" Arthur turn a fiery glare on the physician, his demand clear to the old man, but appearing to the others merely as frustration with a problem that was impossible to fight with a sword.

Gaius kept his expression as controlled as always and clasped his wrinkled hands, "As it happens I do. Unfortunately the physicians trade does leave one with a good deal of reason to deal with the dead, as much as the living. Due to my obvious responsibility to those patients we cannot save and the protection of those living in the city it was important for us to deal appropriately with the dead and it has been done.

"I believe, from all I have read on the subject- which is a substantial amount, that the body must be properly laid to rest, whether intact or cremated, in order to _ensure_ that the spirit goes beyond the veil and remains there. Any ties to this world to find their way back should be considered, but the most vital must always be treating the body as an empty vessel, not allowing it to lie and fester, or treating the remains in the way of animal carcasses. In order to ensure that the spirit _cannot be disturbed_ or awoken the grave site ought to be marked that others can avoid accidentally doing so. Perhaps the army of the undead reminded them, or disturbed the bala- the permanence. What was done was significant, but since I and any assistants have ensured the proper treatment of bodies who have died after care or required examination to determine the cause of death, I must question sire exactly how it might be possible that such spirits are not passing properly over, or may be disturbed. People always avoid sacred sites and burial sites unless making a pilgrimage. As to the rumours of magic in the bloodline being related to the ability to see such spirits I cannot say, it has been a long time since such books were available, and there are none now who know those answers."

Merlin wanted to hurt Gaius for implicating the cup and possibility of magic disturbing the ghosts, despite the fact a sudden acceptance would appear suspicious...

"Thank you Gaius, then we must find out how it is possible for the dead to lie unmarked and without a sign for the living to take appropriate care."

In the end only one of them caused a scene, or tried. Demanding that they find the evil sorceress who must have caused this and immediately, dead men did not walk.

Clearly, thought Arthur, he had not fought for Camelot recently.  
Merlin didn't _silence_ him like he had Gwaine, the man wasn't angry but scared, and making him feel as though he was trapped in his own body or possessed would be both cruel and counterproductive. Instead he increased the sense of confusion, just enough to create a feeling of mild intoxication where words are forgotten, but not enough to compromise his control or cause distress. The emotions were already there, he just needed his concentration broken. Merlin had done so many times with clumsiness, dropping things, spilling water, spiders, and general mild disruption. Today he needed Arthur's concentration intact.

Lord Geoffrey was calm, and managed to look as though he was reluctantly conceding the point that it seemed one could indeed find ways to practice or learn magic without anyone being aware. Slyly slipping in that if it could happen in the heart of the castle to one who so many of them at the table had been familiar with on a daily basis, then it was clear some allowance had to be made for such cases. Certainly there hadn't been a concerted council effort to conceal the Lady Morgana, and therefore they were bound as honourable gentlemen to reconsider the law.

Merlin was astounded at the calm, almost disinterested tone the archivist maintained as he outlined the logical necessity of such, especially when he noted the spark of excitement in the eye of the second man present who he was now aware stood with him on the legalisation of magic. Other than Gaius anyway, who was looking pensive and very carefully avoiding Merlin's eye, which he appreciated as it would be harder to maintain a poker face if the man started his eyebrow- questioning thing.

Having had their own liability in the light of the current laws unavoidably highlighted several of those who _might_ have made a fuss despite the haunting the Lords were backed into a corner, and the king would have been condemning his own son and self to refute it openly. Merlin was practically vibrating as the law which allowed him a family was finally sealed, golden sparks dancing behind his eyelids as he closed them at a sharp sideways look from the Prince and recentred himself.

It disappointed Merlin that Gaius was not more outspoken on the subject, no matter how well he understood being in a similar position, and it appeared that he wasn't the only one as Arthur looked directly at the old man, who was not being followed, but was by now well aware that several knights, and the prince were knew a great deal, and Arthur had accepted a self appointed magical guard detail for Hunith. For _his_ part he was now very aware of why Hunith was not to publicise her presence or go wandering around Camelot… and that his own treachery would be known to the knights, however they interpreted it.

"Sire?" Said Gaius steadily, looking to all the world as thought he had been thinking deeply, "I hesitate to suggest it, but there is _one_ group whose graves are currently unmarked… some of whom might find it easier to cross over, or harder to discern the lines between the worlds of life and death. Not by dark _intent_ , but by a strong link to nature, or the memories of others, even perhaps soul links, though none have been seen here for many years."  
Arthur looked attentively to Gaius, listening as though he had forgotten, "Really Gaius? That seems unwise given our current situation."

"Those with magic Sire, are currently buried in unmarked graves, if at all. They are not included in sites set aside to the disposal of human remains or in sacred ground. The boundaries may perhaps be less clear. People could easily walk accidentally over bodily remains unintentionally and create a disturbance."

Arthur nodded seriously, steepling his fingers. "That is troubling Gaius. Is there any way restless spirits could be disruptive to us? Or any way to banish them?" He gave Gaius a warning look seconded by Emrys-not-Merlin by his side. "Disruption would depend on the spirit sire, and not without magic My Lord. It cannot be done while they maintain the freedom to cross the veil or are trapped here."

"Trapped, Gaius, what do you mean?"

Gods, if Arthur was an idiot for accepting Merlin's terrible lies, Merlin was an idiot for accepting Arthur playing dumb as _being_ dumb, oh hel yes, he absolutely _was_ about some things, but damn he could act. "Unable to cross, and leave this world Sire. There are a few- mostly the young ones- who require a funeral or memorial of _some sort_ to understand what has happened. Certain types of death can be difficult, if I recall the lore correctly. Particularly if there was trauma before final death, or head injuries. Survivors of head injuries have recalled it seeming as though they were watching in a dream, the was one knight several years ago who came close to death by blood loss, when he recovered enough to speak he told me of a feeling of floating above his body and looking down. He eventually returned to duty, but you see it may be that certain types of peri-mortem trauma could deceive the spirit to believe that they are still alive long enough for them to become stuck. Certain types of magic, such as Seeing can seem like being separate from one's body while the individual is living, for such a sorceress it may be harder than the majority to discern she is not in a vision but has died."

"So what you are saying is that our only option to prevent a continuation or worsening of this, is to try and _explain they are dead?!"_ Arthur did a good job of looking horrified thought Merlin- oh, no. That was genuine horror. Oh well, looked like dead people were stuck being his job then.

"I… Yes Sire. The only physical thing we can do to permanently end this is to reconsider the disposal of remains, and mark a death with a ritual they recognise as a final ending."

"Lord Geoffrey, I would appreciate your wisdom on the matter. I know Gaius said he has read widely, but in case we have missed something significant you are to search your manuscripts and records for anything that may be of practical use, or guide the efforts of the knights in _finding_ where these unmarked graves are, I most certainly hope it can be resolved _quickly."_ He rolled his eyes.

"Certainly Sire."

"I will draft the emergency laws this evening so that there is as little delay as possible before work can commence on ending the crisis, due to the sensitive nature of the matter I wish two witnesses to add their seals to this."

"I will gladly do this if the solution is so simple!" Stated Lord Geoffrey, opposite him the sympathetic Lord who had remained quiet nodded an affirmative. "If I may read the proposed law first I will give my seal also."

"Excellent. The laws decriminalising the relationship to a magic user will be announced tomorrow, so that we have a chance at getting an accurate report from the people in any interviews. Any other business?" At the silence Arthur smiled grimly, "In that case the council is dismissed." They filed from the room very much less settled than they had in a long time. The rules with Uther were easy, simple, magic was evil, swords were good, nobles had honour, and peasants had less, but taxes were used for all the non-magic folk. Unless the rich needed them more. Arthur seemed to be _changing_ the rules, and they didn't like it. Not that they disliked the specific difference, but they disliked uncertainty and not being in control. King Uther becoming frail or compromised was supposed to open the way for a power grab or a king who sought approval and they could flatter. This was _not_ what had been planned by some of them.  
A confident young heir who disagreed and wouldn't just do as he was told, it was very annoying, and yet he had no siblings or convenient cousins, only Morgana as a rival, so they were without many options right now. Arthur called to one of the sick looking Lords as he was leaving the room. "Edgar. You shouldn't have come if you're sick. Go with Gaius, you look ill and I don't want to have the whole court come down ill." Edgar looked at the old physician, eyes narrowed, he remembered that Gaius had been a sorcerer, and had many times told Uther not to trust the man, now this… and yet why wait so many years then lie? Either way the Prince didn't look as though he was in a mood to be argued with, so he swallowed his pride and smiled chillingly, "Lead on master Physician."

Merlin watched them go. He didn't trust the man, but there were a lot of people Merlin didn't trust so that didn't say much.  
Uther turned to Arthur with fury writ in his eyes and without warning slapped his son hard across the face and spat. "You have betrayed me more than she ever could. Fool! Sorcerers are EVIL, and they are _not_ human!"

Merlin only just held back, but this was between king and The Once and Future King. This time Arthur did not flinch, and he did _not_ apologise. "No father. You betrayed _us,_ and you have torn the world apart doing it _._ I cannot betray someone who is already a traitor to me. To allow a madman to continue unchecked would be a betrayal of the people of Camelot, and it has always been them I serve first. It was the first wisdom you ever taught us. You have sat in the dark so long you have forgotten what light is."

"I will not allow you to do this, you are _nothing,_ the enemy has taken you, stolen you from me, just like they stole Morgana." The king hissed at them, eyes glittering with a feral light.

"No father. No one _stole_ Morgana. How could they? You never claimed her. Nor can you stop me." His voice hardened, "You do not have the authority, and you are a coward, how long is it since you began to see only enemies? Long enough I think to lose the faith of those you once led."

For a minute Merlin thought Uther would hit his son again, but Arthur caught the wrist easily and smiled bitterly, "You even see me as the enemy. When wisdom sounds to you like madness you are not stable enough to lead. I will never treat you with such indignity as you subjected my sister and I to, but you have lost my respect father, and I doubt that so late you have time to regain it. I no longer have time to listen to your paranoid delusions, I have a kingdom to defend against real enemies, and a people to rebuild from the ashes you left them in. Decades of a needless war, slaughter and grudges carried across generations. Was your pride worth it?  
I inherit a civil war from you father, and a ravaged nobility whose sons have been all but spent on it, and Morgana is broken. You did this and you alone." The colour drained from Uther's face at his words, and he took a step back as Lachlan stepped through the door, a whispered denial falling from his lips.  
Arthur sighed heavily, "Your companion will be waiting for you, Sir Percival will see you to your chambers." Percy, who had been guarding the doors with Sir Gwaine appeared as though on cue, since the king's 'illness' he had been escorted to and from council, initially for his own protection. Now it seemed, there would be a twofold purpose for that escort.

Arthur had hoped to put off any confrontation with his father, at least until he had recovered from the council, but in the end, he was acting king. He couldn't just allow the man to strike him and level accusations of treason, but as Percival forced the figure-king from the room he felt as though a part of him had died, the last good memories slipping out of reach, the last illusion of stability shattered.

His father was no longer a resource. Their last words had been spoken in anger, and pain, and _truth,_ and Arthur hoped fervently they were not the last Uther ever spoke to him. Gwaine looked between the men and quietly shut the door. Merlin reached out slowly to place a hand on his friend's shoulder, not offering any words, for there were none to fix it or ease the pain, and was shocked when Arthur drew him into a hug. Arthur never hugged, he knew that. "Say nothing." The man growled by his ear and Merlin ached, holding him tighter as though it would stick the broken parts together but did as Arthur asked and didn't say a thing. Merlin let go as soon as the prince's grip loosened but looked solemnly at his friend. "He was wrong."

"I know. I just wish I knew if _he_ did or not. If his grasp on reality is involuntarily lost… or his humanity. The way he looked at me… I barely recognised him."

"Would you have a preferred answer?" Merlin asked quietly, knowing that the prince had just glimpsed the man who had threatened almost all of his staff, household, and the face that Merlin had seen when he was sentenced to execution.

Arthur turned away in sorrow, "I suppose not. If I had known such things earlier perhaps I could have mended the rift before now, or stopped Morgana from being used against us."

Merlin frowned, he'd gone through every possible course a thousand times trying to see what they might have done differently, where they went wrong. In the end it didn't matter, they were here now and had to deal in reality. Finding that there were certain prophecies, and appointed tasks that involved more than himself had left him with the conclusion that the end would be the same, some events were sort of… _solid,_ unchangeable, and others were flexible, but it was impossible for a human to discern which was which alone. Trying really was a path to madness.

He sighed wearily, "It's possible, but _you_ have spent every waking moment since learning these truths on finding a way to end the war, and heal the deep wounds. _I_ have spent every waking moment trying to do everything possible and some thought _im_ possible to support your plans and establish a peace between communities. Morgana, for all her understanding of how evil the king's actions were, and her anger, has found no new ways to address them, instead repeating Uther's own patterns, and rather than closing divisions she has inspired fear.  
I think if she had truly wished for peace, she would very quickly have found her way to Emrys. That she did not tells me her heart was never in finding a lasting peace Arthur. Morgana before she became dark was skilled at court and strong. No-one could use her against her will Arthur. Whatever has happened since, she arranged one assasination attempt after Gwen's father was executed. In all the time we lived in the same castle she never once dreamed of my magic, despite seeing events that were warnings for me. I cannot believe that the triple goddess withheld such knowledge lightly when it may have saved her priestess suffering. Make no mistake Arthur, there is a price when a sorcerer or sorceress uses their magic for evil, or twists it to darkness. Not the way you fear, but in the same way that killing with sword, axe, mace, knives change you. Morgana has done terrible things… she will find no peace this side of Avalon Sire, and for her sake and ours I wish I had not taken pity on her before. Kilgarrah said what followed would be of my own making."

Arthur gripped Merlin's shoulder and repeated his earlier words, "He was wrong."

Merlin snorted. "You're really going to compare Uther's delusions to the wisdom of a thousand year old dragon, last of his kind, and my kin?"

"Well, he's an interfering busybody who thinks he knows everything and that it is completely reasonable to demand a green teenager save Albion and places immense responsibilities on your shoulders then buggers off. All the while expecting you to one day produce an heir for the preservation of the House. So yes, yes I am going to compare them. Merlin, I regret that she has brought war, but I am glad you acted to save her before. Had I known of your magic then I would have demanded you do the same and damn the consequences, I think you understand now, as you understood then. My half sister is a traitor, not for the fact that she is a witch but because of her actions. You can carry guilt for your own actions, but to take on personal responsibility for each and every action of those around you is a crushing burden and can paralyse a man. Kilgarrah may not be human, but he is sentient and has emotions. He spoke angrily, and he was wrong about that Merlin."

"Promise me something Arthur." The prince looked strangely at Merlin, hearing the thread of insecurity in his voice, he folded his arms and raised a brow, "That really depends on your request, but you may make it."

"Never stop using my name. Don't let me forget that I'm Merlin. The Catha- well they don't know me as Merlin and I doubt will ever agree to use my real name- my birth name. The Druids insist on Emrys, and once it is more open I doubt anyone new will use just 'Merlin'. If no one ever called you anything but 'My Lord' or 'Sire' it would piss you off, and you _knew_ you had more than one address. I just never want to be something distant or weird and official with friends."

"You _idiot!_ I'll call you whatever I like, whenever I want; I will never forget your name _Merlin_ , lord knows I've spent enough of my life yelling it. Even if I must introduce you as Lord Emrys or High priest Emrys or whatever, you will always be Merlin my idiot servant. I'm counting on it. Now shut up before I actually catch girlishness from you." Arthur cuffed the man lightly and cleared his throat. "You have training with Gwaine to make, and I have to catch Geoffrey. I do not expect to be dining with the king tonight after all, it seems as though you have some time for your own study or work."

"Uh… actually I need to see Kilgarrah tonight."

Arthur cocked his head, "Anything I should know about?"

"Nooo, just that I am feeling somewhat… pent up. Your extra energy was channeled by trained and beating the shit out of other knights to make a point, yeah? If I did that it's fell Camelot and take a lot longer to clean up, and end with a gory execution. I don't fancy, so the closest I've got is taking 'Garrah and hijacking the wind ok? Plus I actually need to clear the Catha with him to see if they aren't spies of the Witch."

Arthur nodded slowly, "Then you've my blessing. I expect a proper report of your armour's performance in the air tomorrow,"

"Tomorrow I have some solemn tasks to attend to sire. Arthur, Gaius and I will be absent for the morning, but before nightfall I will give you an accurate review."

"Good. Before you leave with Gwaine please eat something, that way something might actually stick. You will learn better for it, and don't forget to have one of them give you a rub down later, after you've spoken to the old friend and wind."

Merlin smiled tightly, "Wouldn't dream of collapsing at so inconvenient a time _sire."_

"I am _grateful_ ," dragged out Arthur, words seeming to fail him for the moment, he had always been a man of action. "For having you by my side, and your maintained composure. I had to control my temper today and I have no idea how it did not break you years ago to stand and hear what has been said around this table, not least by myself. I am _ashamed_ of doing so for this long, and committing such deeds. Too many people have met their end or been condemned there."

Merlin shrugged, "So replace the table. It's not like you don't have a spare, and the round one's bigger anyway. If you plan on adding a few chairs you're gonna need it. Might as well, plus we already know it'll survive a battle unscathed."

Arthur was about to snap at Merlin's ridiculous notions and ability to miss his confession and turned, catching sight of the man's face, slight amusement playing on his lips but it was obvious that he hadn't actually misunderstood. The frustration was replaced by a faint relief, "You know that's not a bad plan. Not today, but soon."

"No Arthur. When you replace the members. When you choose your own council, mine don't _have_ tables the same way to meet around, but if there was a glade that had been desecrated or held a dark past that tainted it they would move on and refuse to rest in in. It's a similar gesture, since you cannot move the castle."

"Can you?" Arthur asked curiously.

"I won't."

"But could you."

Merlin could feel a surge in his chest at the idea, somehow his magic rebelled against it on an instinctive level, a ringing alarm that affirmed the 'wrongness' of the suggestion.

"I won't. Maybe parts of it. Camelot was built with magic and is bound to rock and stone, I think that trying to tear them asunder would be unwise and likely to unleash something terrible."

The prince grimaced, "Let's make sure the Witch doesn't work that out then. Be careful, they will be watching us now Merlin."

"They'll be watching _you_ you mean _."_ Merlin smirked.

Arthur shook his head. "No idiot, they'll be watching _Us,_ because everyone present today seeks power and the king's ear. They have seen that Uther is no longer the force to try and influence and soon will move their focus, it will make you a target Merlin, and a rival in their eyes."

"Aargh, fine, I'll be careful alright? Not that it makes a blind bit of difference, you're still bloody reckless and I can't exactly just leave you to it! You wouldn't last a week without me saving your arse."

"Perhaps not. Lord Geoffrey however is _not_ going to be my demise and Gwaine is waiting." Arthur strode over and opened the door, catching the man he expected, "Gwaine, take Merlin somewhere far away, remember food, Don't come back until you are both calmer."

"Yes Sire." Gwaine bowed, which caused Merlin's eyebrows to climb, the man was never sincerely deferential, until his eyes flicked down to where the side of Arthur's face, dark bruising now clearly visible and his rage simmered. "I can- if you want it to…" he spoke quietly, "I can hide it."

"Like your own?" Arthur frowned, "No, there will be questions about my father taking to his rooms and requiring a guard, keeping this will answer them far more clearly than anything I could say, and discourage the noblemen from asking. I may stop by the physician's though."

Merlin nodded, knowing the prince was correct, but it was still unpleasant to openly bear the marks. "As you wish sire, if you change your mind borrow a neckerchief."

Arthur looked at his odd manservant, "Gwaine? Explain."

"Many uses neckerchiefs, tie knots, use for a sling, bandage, or _cover things up easily._ " Gwaine wore his usual easy-going expression but his attention on them was acute.

"I won't.

Merlin ran his palms down his face. "I know." The anger flared when he saw it again.

"And that's exactly how we feel when _you_ turn up bleeding and broken. You have some rather important news for Gwaine now though, don't you. Sir Gwaine, congratulations on being the first to benefit from the new allowances." This time when he smiled it was genuine, and Gwaine's jaw dropped, "You didn't!"

"I didn't." Arthur began;

"He did." Arthur looked startled at Merlin's declaration, the man's eyes were gleaming and Arthur honestly worried his face might crack if he smiled any wider, or worse he might cry. Arthur had no idea what he was supposed to do in either case and felt horribly awkward with so many _feelings_ on show around him. His own tumultuous emotions aside, he did understand the magnitude of his actions and Merlin's inability to hide his joy; and as he observed Gwaine pulling the man into a rough hug with a similar, if more restrained expression he began to think that the personal pain and hardship might be worth it after all.

"Well, I have to get our man here out of the castle before the shock wears off and colourful plants start sprouting from unlikely places." Merlin's answering giggle was bordering on hysterical, "I _will_ see you later Sire!" Gwaine bowed low, slapping Arthur on the shoulder and dragging Merlin behind him, still beaming inanely and looking rather like he was high. "Right then magic man, the neat thing you do with time, do _that_ till we reach the stables and the pair of us might make it out of the city alive." Merlin nodded, not sure of the wisdom, but the magic was singing now, there was no way they wouldn't be caught going past everyone. "The beasts are ready for us. So's the food in the saddlebag. Now _run!"_ Gwaine grinned manically as everything around them froze and Merlin did as he was bid, with Gwaine following two steps behind. As things resumed their normal pace Leon noticed Merlin ducking into the stables without Arthur, and followed but stopped as he heard another voice he recognised and that was odd. He couldn't approach Merlin with Gwaine there without cause, and could hardly ask the other knight to leave, which he wouldn't do anyway. Leon _hated_ the combatant reaction to authority but really, Gwaine was worse than most Lordlings and princes he'd had to deal with. Moments later they were gone, further down the road out of the gates than Leon could account for, but he _had_ been very distracted, and now he had another puzzle. Why on earth would they be taking so many weapons when everyone knew that Merlin was lousy with a conventional weapon? Or was he? Wondered Leon, because no matter how he looked at it, there really was no way that an untrained, unarmoured, farmboy should have survived so many battles and skirmishes. Even _with_ hiding. There was a reason they didn't let green knights do the dangerous patrols until they had some experience on low risk ones.


	43. Chapter 42

Merlin and Gwaine managed an almost normal speed to the city gates, and maybe twenty yards further before Merlin's mount took off, and went flying over the field, the warlock howling his joy incoherently. Gwaine laughed in delight and kicked his own horse into racing after them.

When they caught up Merlin was still smiling, but looked less like he might explode any second. They sky above them had cleared and the sun seemed to shine almost oppressively, which Gwaine figured made sense, nature seemed to be as linked to Merlin as he was to the world. The druid legends suggested Emrys was magic incarnate, magic itself in a human vessel, so Gwaine wasn't entirely surprised that his friend was _resilient._ Or that the woods seemed to be more alive than usual. Realising that several birds had decided to use Merlin as a perch was too much and Gwaine dissolved into giggles.

"What?" Asked Merlin. "They're friendly… and clever. Why else would we use them to carry messages?"

"Because few people have your skills or the tools to speak over distance anymore."

"You disappoint me, I always thought you'd more imagination than that. Treat them right and birds will become friends, even bring you presents. Honestly, sometimes I think animals are better people than people. Today though… Oh today is _different!_ Can you _feel it? In the earth and the air!"_ Merlin grinned as he threw hands up in the air, startling the avians who chittered angrily at him. "Sorry"

Gwaine shook his head ruefully, "No. But I can _see it,_ and that's enough. It went well then?"

Merlin looked more conflicted than Gwaine anticipated as he turned back to the knight. "I- Yes. It went far better than I ever expected, Lord Geoffrey is the canniest bastard in that place, perhaps more even than Gaius. The meeting was smoother than it might have been, and the only major problems were after. Come, we should be further from the citadel first." Merlin smiled again and guided his mount through the forest in the direction they had been before.

"As you wish." Gwaine followed eagerly. Arthur seemed to think that he'd suspected the laws against all magic had been lifted, but Gwaine was no fool, that was not the work of a day. What he wanted to know was had he _begun_ to loosen them, to act on his new conviction, and challenge the current king. Judging From Merlin's joyful mood, in spite of a clearly tense ending, there had been some significant progress made today. A low chant drifted back to him and he realised that Merlin was singing, not something he had heard before, and Gwaine was familiar with many tongues. He refrained from interrupting when he realised it was the old tongue, the music was not for him, but for someone else, if Merlin even realised he was doing it. Wherever they passed the plants grew just a little thicker, the flowers somehow brighter. For Gwaine it was like some strange dream, but beautiful in a way he hadn't seen before, and he had seen many beautiful things in his travels. They slowed as they reached the clearing and Merlin crossed the boundary, jumping down from the horse, thanking him.

Gwaine dismounted in a slightly less manic way, but no less impatient, and his friend leapt at him, almost crushing Gwaine, mail and all. "I'm going to be _free!_ Free Gwaine! He did it! He really did it. Magic isn't legal yet- not yet- but we don't have to be _alone_ anymore, we're not deadly, a poison, I can- we can have friends, or family, or tavern maids serve us, and not put them in danger simply by existing. Anyone can speak, interact, even not report us, and it's not a crime." Merlin drew back and Gwaine saw tears of relief and joy streaming down Merlin's face, "I won't get you all killed, at least not by execution. No more Toms."  
Gwaine chuckled, "Congratulations Merlin, you gave them all back their families. So does this mean no more exposing children or abandoning them in the woods?"

"It-yes Gwaine, yes it does. Not for magic at least. We can- we can be _real_ Gwaine, really, properly _real._ There's more than that though, and the Lords did get played a bit for this, but otherwise it might not have been- um, it would have been a big risk. We won't be human just during life, he made it so- so that everyone will be remembered, the graves will be marked. No more gutters, or ditches, or middens, or unmarked mass graves. Arthur even tricked them into agreeing to marking all the ones that have been left, I don't know- how do you _thank_ someone for that, Gwaine? I can return by law to my father's body, if anything remains, and treat it with respect, the genocide will no longer be hidden. Once the knights begin to search for and help mark the places- oh, yeah, you have a part in that too- it will be impossible for some of the people of Camelot to ignore the way they have been, and the scale will become clear. The crisis. Without any sign, it's easier to not see, but with the symbols present, it will be a reminder of the truth. He did it, he really actually changed things." Gwaine pulled the man back in, swaying gently as magic swept over him, warm, tingle, and absolutely thrilling.

"I'm glad, and so, so happy for you. Looks like this one might actually be worth dying for eh?" Gwaine smirked and nudged him as Merlin laughed, relief flooding him as doubt he hadn't even realised he still carried melted away. Hands still shaking from the adrenaline rush tangled in Gwaine's hair as he pulled him into a rough kiss and Merlin half whispered "I'm not a death sentence anymore."

The knight leaned back slightly stunned, "No Merlin, you aren't. It's almost over." He pressed a gentle kiss to his friend's lips and released him not wanting to reject him _or_ take advantage, and right now, he decided, it would be doing so.

"Not yet, but it's another step, a huge one. How did Uther take it?"

Merlin sighed and looked down, "Not well. He knew, realises I think what Arthur's end game is."

Gwaine nodded, he's seen the machinations of such men for long enough, "Mmm, he has been playing these games a lot longer than his son. He was responsible for the bruising then?" the ex- noble knew he was, no one else would dare to raise their hand to the Prince regent, and if they had, would have been escorted out in chains.

"Yeah. Yeah he was, and I almost reacted to it, but Arthur… Arthur challenged his father, confronted him. It had to play out without me interfering. I don't think it's finished, there is a great deal of pain and anger in that, but Uther knows he has been toppled. He is the king in name, but only in name now."

Gwaine nodded, "Then we shall have to be extra careful, Uther is like a wounded animal cornered, he will not be reasonable with so little left to lose or keep him grounded."

Merlin chewed his lip, lost in thought. "We will be. We'll have help too. Mum staying with Gaius will ease demands on my time for now so that training and studying is a practical demand of the prat, and she has some training in medicine from living with her brother before. Big age gap, he seems to have more or less raised her. The Catha can help me figure out what is going on with the blood magic under the castle, and Leon is- well Leon's close I think. He was watching me really oddly earlier, but hasn't said anything."

"So is one of your mum's guards going to go over some battle magic with you?" Gwaine asked hopefully. Reactions might keep you alive in battle, but strategy and knowing what to expect from an enemy was better. Gwaine was sure Merlin would not have touched the dark magic, but he _kne_ w that Morgana was an expert in it.

"Aye, and hopefully some of the history too."

"How do you know?"

Merlin grinned, "Because I'm going to tell them to, and they _want_ to help Emrys. Which is weird, but convenient at this point. Plus, bored mages are never a good thing, trust me on that!"  
Gwaine raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?"

"Really." Merlin rolled his eyes and grimaced as memories of his own 'bored' exploits assailed him.

"Well, can't have you getting bored can we, oh mighty foretold one." His friend winked and leaned in for another brief kiss, "Come on then, knives out, we've got training to do, and princess knows the difference in the way people move after training together and _training together._ I don't fancy that lecture tonight, so whatever this is, exuberance and adrenaline or more, it'll have to wait, and now we've got time. Not dying is also an advantage. Assume the position." There was a wicked twinkle in Gwaine's eye as he gave the order and stepped back to draw his own weapons. Merlin found he was actually enjoying sparring now that the instructions were clear instead of silent and repeated insinuations that he was a little girl with pigtails, especially here where he didn't have to keep all of his magic in. Which today was impossible, he just couldn't.

Even Uther couldn't take this triumph from him, it had been years in the making and he was bloody amazed it was happening. "Watch the trees mate, reign it in or spread it out, they're getting a bit tall and the druids will be pissed if you give away a decent spot like this." Gwaine was smiling in amusement at the oblivious warlock, concentrating on his next movement until then. Merlin paused, looking around them and frowned, noting that the knight was right, the trees surrounding the glade were getting too noticeable above their neighbours. He stretched out his arms and concentrated on bringing more in line with the height so that it should only be obvious from the air, and he was the only one flying over Camelot as far as he knew.

Training hurt less than the day before, though his muscles still protested the abuse, and it gave him somewhere to direct the surplus energy. Around them various slumbering seeds and acorns had started germinating whenever there was a random wave of magic, and Gwaine was more than a little relieved that they were far from the castle to do this, if only to tire Merlin's body enough for him to rest or stop bouncing. He had no idea how long they were but the sun had dropped much closer to the horizon by the time they stopped, panting for breath.  
Gwaine grabbed his water skin and tossed one to Merlin, "Your blocking is getting much better, but watch your feet, and you need to practice moving with more than one blade together, or weapon, if you're going with the fireball thing, which I grant you is very effective. There was this one woman and she was _not_ a morning person, didn't hurt me but my shirt had no chance."

Merlin laughed, "Mornings aren't really my thing either but fireballs? Mum would have made me rebuild the house by hand, and that's _after_ she was done with the lecture… or skelping if I was younger. Bit of an over reaction to being woken up early."

Gwaine snorted, "I thought so. Still, I escaped in one piece. That coat seems to work well, I glanced your side pretty hard a couple of times and you didn't notice, you should definitely keep it on with Uther as volatile he is. I don't think he's the type to give up power so easily, and if he raised his hand to Arthur he won't think twice before killing you."

Merlin rubbed a hand down his face, "Yeah, I know, me neither but at least some good has come of it. Arthur is clear about where he stands, stood by his convictions when challenged, and seems slightly less conflicted about his feelings towards the king who raised him."

Gwaine snorted, "If you think _Uther_ raised Arthur you've given him far too much credit. Merlin, kings don't raise brats. There's little point to having the heir underfoot until they've survived infancy, proven hardy, and are full weaned. Until then they might be raised by a queen, but in her absence, he'd have spent most of his time with a nanny; then a nanny and a tutor. Most princes or nobles would learn as a squire to someone very close to the king, and when the nanny withdrew he would have begun to spend time in court and with his father. Perhaps seven or eight years old on a regular basis, and learning from his father, but though Uther was the strongest and most potent influence in Arthur's life, it was not him who cared for the boy, not like Hunith did with you. I know how scarce things were, and what not knowing where the next meal will come from or when is like, though you'd not know it looking at me now. Took a while to adjust when I ran. My mother was much closer to us than many noble women are to their children. Kept no wet-nurse, nor nanny for us as little ones, and still we had tutors and lessons, but my half brother had _all_ of those, and his mother was a lot warmer and fuzzier than Uther. Different priorities Merlin, different worlds. I hold a lot of anger towards Gaius for his decisions, but I believe he and perhaps some others tried their best to mitigate the effect on Arthur of his father's rejection and coldness. Whatever motivated that. The court would have seen and followed his lead, so any respect or real acceptance is something Arthur has clawed and scraped alone. Power is his inheritance, the rest he's earned by shedding that blood."

Merlin sat down, legs aching, hoping he's be able to get back up, and Gwaine joined him. "I never really considered it. There wasn't much point until recently. If you are going to be involved you'd find out at some point, and I need to speak to the Prince Arthur about it."

Merlin frowned deeply as he began, "Arthur's birth, and Igraine's death were not unconnected Gwaine, and therein lies the trigger, the spark that set off the Great Purge. Morgana proves Uther is not sterile, but he and Igraine had been married for several years and finally told there would be no children together. She was unable to bear them, or go to term at least. So, with Igraine following the Old religion- like me it's not a choice, it was a part of her, one that could never be removed- they turned to magic."

Gwaine blanched, "Goddess no...so Arthur… that's where he learned a life for a life?"

Merlin ran a hand through sweat soaked hair and sighed, "Arthur is a child of the old religion in perhaps the most different way possible to me, but the Old religion knows him. Even if his birth had been different it would _recognise him_ as a living part of Albion through my aunt, but with it that's twofold. Morgause tried to tell him once- well _did_ tell him, but she twisted the truth, manipulated it, and now I know more it makes far more sense than her version of 'truth' did, which felt corrupted. She wasn't completely _wrong_ about the manner he was conceived or born, but she did not tell him the truth, and I have no idea if it was really Igraine's spirit we saw, or if she was in control of her own words at all if it was. Morgause definitely opened the way to the other world, we saw one of the dead, and she spoke; but whether it was Igraine or an illusion, truth or trick, I still have no idea, and I was so naive then, painfully so. The priestess was very skilled in the black arts, _dark_ magic. Arthur rode back wrathful and held a sword to Uther's throat, I stopped him from killing his father."

Gwaine listened carefully. "Why?" He asked simply.

"Because Arthur was not ready to be king then." Merlin sighed again, "Oh, he could have been _crowned_ king, but he would never have become a _great_ king, he wasn't ready, and he strove always for Uther's approval. Too full of self doubt. Even now he loves his father, so back then, before everything... It was the first time Morgana met her half sister. If Arthur had come to the crown through killing Uther it would have broken him, and the last thing _we_ needed was a second broken king, crippled by guilt. Camelot would have been lost, let alone Albion. My own darkest desires to see Uther gone, or suffering, were never to be indulged, and seeing them devour Morgana has been a constant reminder of why I mustn't succumb to them, for anyone. Vengeance between one farmer and another is unpleasant, but unlikely to spread far. Morgana and I are different. I have greater power than she does, but she is second behind only me, no one else would have a chance. If both of us became dark, or power crazed, we could change everything, cripple the world I think, rewrite it. Destruction is easy. Healing is hard." Merlin gulped as he admitted such to his friend.

The knight nodded, looking only slightly troubled. "Good thing you like a challenge and impossible odds then I guess. You think he's ready now?"

Merlin shook his head and spoke firmly, "No. I _know_ he is. Standing up to Uther about _this_ specific subject, he all but told the man he's bringing magic back to Camelot, and that he's taking the throne. Officially he remains only regent for now, but Uther has lost the war and he knows it. Even if he can claw back _something_ he isn't stable or showing any signs of improvement. He is beyond healing. I suspect, with Gaius, that this is the final symptom of a very long sickness. There is no chance of him returning to power or mounting a successful challenge. The rule of Camelot is Arthur's now. I'm not sure he's quite aware of how far it's gone yet, but he was the one to warn me the Lords focus is shifting, so perhaps he does. I fought against Destiny for a long time. It seemed like it was stealing everything from me. I was losing hope I think."

Gwaine winced in sympathy and Merlin chuckled, "Yeah. Never that effective, once I stopped and sort of accepted things more, people stopped dying quite so frequently, but I sort of lost myself in being his protector. That _was_ my 'destiny', but it's only one part. If the rest is ignored we'll never do what we're supposed to achieve, but now so much is suddenly different and I'm less certain of _who_ I am as my _place_ in it all becomes clearer. For so long I had the mask, the surface- _Merlin._ Like a cloak that you wear, and most of my life was hidden. Now people know, or care, and I don't exactly know what to do with that." Merlin frowned. "I know what I'm _supposed_ to feel but keep getting hit by waves of confusion and disorientation when I least expect it. It's almost as though part of my identity has been lost, and I had not anticipated _that._ "

Stretching out, Gwaine rested a hand heavily on Merlin's thigh, "Well that makes sense. You've had years of anyone who knows telling you over and over that it has to stay secret, to hide everything, keep it all inside and controlled. Never let anyone close enough to guess, pushed people away when they did get too close for their own protection, and now all the rules are different. It's not like Gaius, or Geoffrey, who remember a time when magic and it's users were free, they lived longer _with it_ than _without._ The effects of living in secret for so many years will remain, but you are fighting the instinct to run, and honestly no one but those closest to you can see it, or your stress. That's amazing. Very useful for official situations too."

Merlin smiled, "You always did see. Even when Arthur missed it."

"Aye. Princess does have a lot to worry about though, I can cut him some slack if he's at least _trying._ Don't ever tell him that, or I _will_ punish you." Gwaine mock-glared at him and Merlin smirked, "Just try it. You'll lose."  
"Only if you cheat." Said the other man.

"Using magic isn't cheating, it's just using my natural _talents_ effectively. Isn't that what I'm meant to learn?" Merlin laughed as his eyes flashed gold and Gwaine's hair turned pink.

"Oh you _complete ass!_ Change it back!" came the demand, and Merlin giggled hysterically as the knight lunged for him, and started to speak in the old religion when Gwaine tried to wrestle him into submission, instead ending up thoroughly bound in roots as his friend laughed at his immobility. "Apologise."  
"No." Gwaine smirked defiantly.

Merlin's eyes narrowed, "Fine, I'll just leave you here to be found by the first druid to come out here for some alone time shall I?" Merlin smirked back at him as Gwaine rolled his eyes and reluctantly conceded defeat, "Alright, I'm sorry for implying-" Merlin's eyes narrowed, "ugh, _accusing_ you of cheating, it was dishonourable and- can I get out now?" Merlin's mock disapproval vanished and he waved a hand that had them melting away without leaving a trace, "That a party trick or one you don't show off?"

"Ah, yes. Well, since magic is still actually illegal and punishable by death there are absolutely _no_ 'party tricks' and I never show them off to anyone. Lance has seen some, and Gaius, he helped at times. No one is _shown_ anything casual, well, except Will, but we were kids, and stupid, other than that it's just you. The Catha earlier though I showed a little. No tricks, just let them feel."  
"Ooh, _That's_ what scared them, apart from your mum." Gwaine raised his eyebrows and leaned back,

"You have _no idea_ how scary Hunith can be. Do not mock." Merlin's eyes widened as he shook his head, still slightly in awe of the woman who raised him. Protected him, despite her serious mistakes. He had _not_ made it easy he knew.

Gwaine frowned, "I wouldn't. She had toddler-Emrys and survived."  
"Yes you would, you mock _everything."_ but Merlin looked at him fondly as he said it.

"Hey, I resent that. I mock _almost_ everything. Not that." Gwaine said seriously.  
"Hmm. True. You really haven't, have you." Merlin looked consideringly at his friend, "You never pushed me to talk either did you? Lancelot's seen more until recently, but he never got the secrecy part and when not to ask questions…"

"I'd be the worst kind of hypocrite to have done that now, wouldn't I." Gwaine answered the unspoken question.

"Not the worst kind,," said Merlin, thinking of Uther, "but a hypocrite, yes, and that wouldn't be _you."_

"No. So. If Leon asks, will you tell him?" Gwaine asked, without indicating a preference either way.

Merlin ran a hand down his face, feeling heavier, "It- It depends _how_ he asks, and _what._ Arthur spoke to him about things yesterday, about the nature of magic, and his father's actions, how it's not a choice to have it. I don't know exactly what was said, but Leon was quiet and sick-looking this morning."

Gwaine nodded, swigging water from the skin. "Aye, no doubt. Leon's a good man, with a gentle heart underneath. To find out that something so fundamental was _wrong_ … He's been a knight of Camelot for a long time Merlin, obeyed the king in good faith, but it means he was an active part of things he now discovers were evil. Oppressive. His understanding of who and what he is is shattered. Leon has the heart of a protector, and courage. He rode out against Kilgarrah during his vengeance phase. He will be fighting an internal battle reframing all of his actions for years. He isn't 'the good guy' anymore. I'm gonna hazard a guess your mum told you cautionary tales about men in red, to run from anyone in chainmail. Probably even if they took her."

Merlin frowned. "Yeah. She did. We lived out of the way so I was fortunate and only saw them a few times, but when I did I ran until my feet were torn up and my knees buckled, like she said. Wasn't bad advice for a kid who panicked. Fight, flight, or freeze, right?"

Gwaine nodded seriously, "Right. So he's just realising that he is the monster, the scary man who might come in the night in those stories. Someone children are taught to fear and flee from, that they believe is fuelled by hatred. Things are more complicated than he thought… and likely has recently found out that magic has been working for good all around him, because I seriously doubt Arthur hid _that."_

Merlin gnawed his lip thoughtfully, "Do you think he suspects me?" he asked softly.

"I've no idea mate. You can ask him when we get back, I'm sure that you'll find out soon enough if you allow him to find you."

"I'll see how he's feeling towards the subject then if he keeps watching me. No one should feel like a monster, I know that well enough. Like all of us he's a good man who has done terrible things. There is time to make restitution for it, and bring peace, I think. I need him not to gossip about this though. Do you think he'd let me spell him for security?"

Gwaine chuckled, "No. No I don't. Despite being worse than an auld wifey for minor things though, he has never before spilled any plans of strategy, actual intelligence, or told anyone about last night, so I suspect this might be one of his major exceptions. Don't you?" He squeezed Merlin's shoulder encouragingly. He couldn't offer guarantees, but Gwaine suspected that Leon might deal with the revelation better if it wasn't given in a group, without warning.

The warlock hummed noncommittally. "Maybe, I just- I don't like so many people knowing important things, dangerous things, it isn't safe."

Gwaine rested a hand on his shoulder, "Was it safe before? Concealing everything alone?"

Merlin smiled bitterly, "You're right. It's never safe."

Gwaine grinned and gave him a friendly nudge. "Oh, don't sound so surprised, I can be right sometimes, and things are getting better, are they not, Merlin?"

His smile lacked the bitter edge this time. "Yes. Yes they are. I think our time is up Gwaine." He hesitated for a moment, "The river is on the way. You up for a swim to clean up?" He raised an eyebrow and caught Gwaine's answering grin, "Absolutely!" It was the first time Merlin had suggested it since Will, who knew the few scars he'd had then and didn't care, but Gwaine had seen his far more significant ones now, even touched them, and not been invasive, there was no one else. Despite what the other knights thought Merlin _liked_ swimming, especially in the Lake, but that was not for sharing, and he wasn't at all ashamed of the work hardened wiry muscle, different from their own, he just didn't want to answer questions. Gwaine didn't ask them, and that was exactly why it was easier to give answers. The innate respect. Servants rarely got it. Especially from a master, and their friends often followed that lead. Prince Arthur had certainly _not_ broken the mould on showing respect to one's manservant, and to be fair, Merlin hadn't prioritised doing his official job well enough to be respected in that capacity by the nobles without any personal connection to him.

Whistling for the horses they returned, both mounts looking very happy with the abundance of new grass to munch and snickering. "Come on. Back to reality, and sorting out twenty odd years of fuckery, dealing with Catha warriors, my mother, Gaius, a mad and freshly deposed king, and not-quite impossible research. Ugh, how did this become my life? I only came here to train as a bloody physician!" Merlin groaned.

"Well, you've done that too, it's your third or fourth job. Congratulations?" Gwaine said, cheerfully shoving the gurning warlock towards his horse, "Away with you. It is what it is. At least Camelot's got mead."

"More than mead, if you know where to look." Merlin winked.  
"You've been holding out on me! We must raid the cellar at once!" Called Gwaine jubilantly.

"Sure, let's piss Uther off _even more._ No Gwaine. Not tonight. Tonight belongs to 'Garrah, and I need to drag out Catha one- goddess I need to get their names, I was in shock earlier when they turned up with no invitation and it slipped my mind, we need to see if he's legitimate or not. You can come if you want, or stay." Merlin shrugged, as though he hadn't just casually invited someone to have a chat with a dragon.

"No thanks mate, I'll pass this time. If it's alright with you I'll keep an eye on Leon, unless you need the company. Stop at mine when you get back though and I'll do the same as last night. Anyone else would take it for granted and have a squire or maid do it, and I promised the Princess I would not break or otherwise harm you."

Merlin shook his head, "No, he needs it more than I do. Just try and convince him he's not evil, and that we'll forgive him."

Merlin fell silent then and Gwaine let him, glad he was feeling calmer than before. It made being discovered before they were ready less likely.

Leon looked around him. There were no urgent tasks to distract himself with, and his mind kept returning to the records Prince Arthur had shown him the night before, names dancing before him, leaving him wondering which belonged to his visitor.

It was late when he saw Sir Gwaine returning to the castle followed by a grinning and slightly dishevelled Merlin, both with damp hair, but he had seen George with the prince, so there was likely not a rush for him to get back. He waited for them patiently in the gate the would have to pass through, surprised when the stalled and cast loaded glances at one another on seeing him.

"Sir Gwaine, when you are not busy I would like to see Merlin about an important matter."

Despite his tongue feeling too big and his throat drying up Merlin managed to agree and to be in Leon's quarters in the next half hour.

"I guess he's not going to be put off for long then." Turning to Gwaine, Merlin chewed his bottom lip.

"I guess not."

Slinging the weapons on his bed Gwaine stretched his neck. "Well, have you decided what you're going to say?"

Merlin's brows knitted together, "No. He seems nervous. Nervous isn't a good sign."

Gwaine reached out to clap him on the shoulder, "Try and relax. Remember, he's just found out he's the big bad wolf to kids like you. The nervousness isn't over you, at least, nowhere near as much as it's over himself."

Merlin nodded, but still felt his heart heavy as lead when he knocked on Leon's door, the room, usually perfectly in order showed signs of things being thrown or broken recently, and Leon was sat in one of the chairs, a game still set on the table. "You asked to see me?"

"I- I did." Leon steadied his voice, "Come in, there's cider if you like, and bread, not much but it's something." Seeing it made Merlin realise just how hungry he was, and he accepted without argument. "Thanks Leon, but you didn't want to see me just to offer snacks. Spill." Merlin tried to look cheerful. Thinking about the new laws helped.

"I-This is difficult to explain. Just…" He took a deep breath and began again. "Merlin, do you often speak to ghosts?"

Of all the things he'd been expecting, that was not the question, Merlin rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "Um… well I suppose that depends on what you mean by 'often' really, like, weekly, or monthly or…"

"Why are they banned from scaring us?"

Suddenly Merlin realised what the looks were for, "Oh. Oh! Right, well, if someone doesn't know they exist, or is um- a bit easily alarmed- it wouldn't exactly be fair to go around haunting folk from boredom would it? Watching without permission and trying to frighten people is bad manners. Being dead isn't a pass for rudeness. Who decided to break the rule? It's not exactly complicated!" He growled.  
Leon's looked conflicted "No, actually she helped, came in because I was distressed she said… but she knew you, quite well I think. You don't seem surprised."

Merlin groaned, "Ah, fuck. Pretty, young looking? Kind of sweet for a dead girl?"

He nodded. "That sounds right. Does she- did she have a name?"

"Eileen. You met Eileen. She doesn't mean any harm, really. She was no witch in life, just turned down some asshole's advances, he accused her of witchcraft and she burned in the courtyard at fifteen years old. Early in the Purge. She likes listening to you gossip and tell jokes, Percival and Gwaine have met her briefly. Calls Gwaine 'the crazy one', and Percival is polite or 'not crazy', but she doesn't often appear to anyone. Except apparently me, which is probably a good thing, given how twitchy some folk are about anything out of the ordinary."

Yes, thought Leon, there _had_ been an Eileen on the lists about that time. "But you-you just see them all the time?"

Merlin shrugged, "Not exactly, I see them when they want to be seen, or talk, maybe if they're bored."

"They? Plural 'they'?"

"Well yeah, where there's one there's often more. Would you want to be stuck alone for eternity? Seems like a pretty rough deal even with company." Merlin looked puzzled, actually he had given it some consideration and concluded that the only sane thing to do in that situation was to find someone else who could see you. "There's a sarcy bastard who drives me crazy, and apparently screaming sisters, who I have been fortunate enough to never meet. Not my thing." Merlin shrugged.

"Right. And- and do you know _why?_ Why do they come to you? She seemed to be taking instructions from you so obviously they can _hear_ you."

Merlin paused and carefully considered the knight. "What did Arthur tell you last night?" he asked.

Leon looked at him puzzled, "You know about that?"

Merlin frowned, "It involves me more than I'd like, yes I'm aware of things."

The older man's lips were pressed thin together, "He told me a great many things. Too much. I'm- the things I've _done._ " His throat began to close over, and the despair in his eyes was genuine.

Pity surged in the warlock watching, and Merlin looked away trying unsuccessfully to stop his hands from shaking. "You are… you are _not_ a monster. I-I'm in a position to forgive you, Sir Leon. You- well not specifically _you_ but… the knights in red, the men on patrol, anyone in armour… they were the figures in my fireside stories who stole children, burned them. I was taught from infancy always to run as fast as I could, to breathe quietly, cover a track, memorise the caves; for good reason. You were my ogres, my equivalent to your evil sorcerer, and it's taken years of living alongside people like you to fully understand. I'm the last of my bloodline Sir Leon, and that bloodline is magic, irrevocably, from the dawn of humanity it has always been. I can't change it, and if I could I would not. That's why I see them so easily, why they listen to me, and the why of so many other things. I spent years feeling like a monster, so sure I was blackened inside, so many were certain that warlocks and sorcerers have no soul, or worse. I'm not. Neither are you. You are a good man Leon, and you are forgiven. Like others you were deceived, taught lies, and were trying to what was right. Before you ask, Prince Arthur knows. He's known for some time, and it has been a very difficult mess to come to grips with. He trusts you. I can't yet with something so big, but I'm willing to try if you are. If you trust him."

Leon lurched for the bin, emptying his stomach, and apologising as a concerned warlock rubbed his back going automatically into physician mode "Really? Thought you knights were meant to be tough."

Apologetic and embarrassed, the first knight sipped the water that Merlin passed to him, summoned with his illegal magic. "I don't think this is covered by that."

"No." Said Merlin seriously, "Nothing covers this, and believe me I wish I had a better answer for you than that we do have a plan for peace, but that is for Prince Arthur to disclose when he believes the time is right. Are you going to be ok with me? I promise, the prat is safe, I will never hurt him, nor is he without his own will. The stocks are entirely his own idea."

Leon paused, and considered it, "You really do _follow him_ , don't you?" He sipped the water again. "I trust Prince Arthur. Given how many times you've put your life on the line and almost died for him I trust you with his safety and care. The other things I'm going to need some time to get used to."  
Merlin nodded. It was better than he could have expected a month ago. "That's fair. I won't push you, but I'm not going anywhere so if you plan to stab me it's be simpler just to get it over with."

Leon looked horrified, "I couldn't kill you, you're _Merlin."_

"Sure. That's a terrible reason to decide anything, but I appreciate the lack of screaming or waving pointy metal at me, it's irritating when people do that, or scream 'sorcery' hysterically, I mean really, was that the most creative they could be? 'Sorcery'? Ugh. There are many things you are nowhere near ready to hear, but we're slowly trying to include the members of the round table to varying degrees, which l am now also non-optionally part of. Either Arthur's idea of a joke or a punishment. Possibly both. Now you get to make a choice." Merlin drank the rest of his cider and grinned.

"Will you follow Arthur or not?"

Leon looked nervously at the door, worried about being overheard. Taking the opportunity of his distraction Merlin's eyes flashed to keep the conversation between them.

"He is my captain Merlin, and in light of what I now know, my allegiance is his alone. I- I can't follow Uther's command anymore."

Merlin rubbed hands down his face, meeting his eyes seriously, "You won't have to. I'm the physician's assistant Leon, not just a simple herb picker, hel Gaius wouldn't have let me do _that_ if he had any doubts about my ability in _that_ area. You have been close to Arthur through all of this, and have seen the additional responsibilities he's taken on, despite hoping Uther would recover. We know now that this is not going to be the case. There is potential for the damage to be _managed_ but not for healing. Minds are surprisingly delicate things and Uther is not a young man. I will not tell you what I've seen from him, or any other patients, but no, there is no chance of enough of a recovery to safely reinstate him. Understand Leon, Uther has _never_ been my king. Ever. I submitted to him when necessary because I care about Arthur, and had a task to accomplish. Then it was mostly protecting him, and he became my friend. Arthur is and always has been my King. I can't explain it yet, but I was _literally_ born to serve him. No other man has dominion over me, and it wouldn't be safe to have them believe it was possible."

Leon looked afraid for the first time, "You're no mere trickster or apple magicker then, are you."

Merlin smiled quietly, "You might say that, yes. I learned a long time ago not to magic apples after someone caught me, Gwaine can get his own. You remember Ki- the Great Dragon?"

"I will to the end of my days, that's not something a man forgets Merlin, facing down a dragon."

Merlin closed his eyes to hide the emotions that stirred "No. No it isn't."  
"Oh, you were _there_ with us!" Leon recalled.

Merlin hesitated, "I was. That's where magic bloodline gets complicated. I- after my father died, it left me as the last."  
Leon was confused, "Last what?"

Merlin sighed and looked away, "The last dragonlord Leon, you don't know until you try it if you've inherited the gift, but when Balinor died, it was only me. Dragons are sentient, they speak, they think, they love, and- and hate; they have names. Kilgarrah is the name of the Great Dragon, and I commanded him never again to attack Camelot, or any human, he answers to me Leon, that's why there was no body. So no, not just a jester who fancies risking execution."

It left out any mention of Emrys, prophecy, Druids, Catha, while conveying a distinct and unique position among magic users until he could consult properly with Arthur.

Leon was nodding calmly as though something puzzling finally made sense. "That's why you rarely look afraid, except around Uther. Arthur and I _were_ unconscious, you faced the dragon alone. What else have you been fighting I wonder…"

The young warlock shuddered. "Too much, and honestly, I'd rather just be a servant or farmer. I don't seek power. I don't _want_ to lead men in battles, I don't want to risk other lives, one of the things that brought me here was needing to learn some control to stop having accidents that put anyone at risk."

"So you came _here?!"_ Leon was incredulous, and Merlin couldn't blame him, it was counter intuitive even when one understood the rest.

"It's a long story- like, over twenty years long story and we _still_ don't know all of it, Prince Arthur is the one you need to speak to. If he is busy, or you need someone less _directly_ involved, Gwaine, or possibly Percival are aware of all the things that Arthur has explained, but not of your past actions. How much of that you share is your own business. You don't owe anyone an explanation, or an exposition of your pain. Just know that you are not a monster Leon, only a man; and that you are forgiven by one who has the authority to do so. As the Last Dragonlord, I speak for the creatures of the Old religion, though not every sorceress, and _definitely_ not for Morgana. _I_ forgive you any past actions, and so your crimes against _creatures of magic_ are absolved. Now that you know the truth, do better. I know you can, and that you keep your word."

Leon looked at him with caution and curiosity, "You are not what I thought."

Merlin huffed, "Actually, I am exactly what you thought, it just isn't the whole of me. Had you looked, I suspect you'd have seen more than the fraction and I may not have lived this long." He smiled easily, unnervingly casually referring to his possible execution.

"If I'd asked before about dead men, what would you have said?" Leon asked, remembering his own earlier conclusions about his possible reactions to the veracity.

Merlin thought, and shrugged, "I don't know, probably would have depended on the day. Distracted you most likely, or ducked the question, if you pressed, either the truth, or a terrible lie. If it makes you feel better, when I do tell the truth people tend to laugh, so I lie less than you'd expect me to have to. People are very odd."

"You always did say you protected him, saved 'his royal ass', and we'd laugh, but you weren't joking, were you?" Leon spoke slowly.

The warlock snorted, "Not even a little."

"I think I need some time. I won't betray you though Merlin, you need not fear that. If you were going to kill anyone here you'd have done it long ago. I know how the prince used to treat you, and others, and it's hardly only his things you have access to in your place. The Prince has made his position clear, I am sure he has his reasons. It does not seem to have been a rash decision." Leon remained troubled, but he was right, it had taken Arthur much time and thought, and he still had a long way to go. Without that training and motivation it would take Leon longer.

Merlin nodded, focusing on remaining calm. Save any freak out for later, sane and stable in front of the worried friend.

"No, it wasn't. This has not been easy for anyone. He's a prat, but Arthur really does care about the safety of Camelot's citizens more than anything else, there are many who will be safer if they aren't being burned for being alive." Merlin raised a brow and folded his arms, confident that Leon wasn't going to challenge him on that. "Look, I'm working tonight, but think about it, and Percy and Gwaine are safe to rant at… and confidential. You want me to have a word with Eileen? She's going through a _phase_. Keeps waking me up at the crack of dawn."

He didn't add Lancelot to the list; Lance might share too much of his details, or accidentally make Leon feel even worse than he already did. They were very similar in many ways, but half of him wanted to keep Lancelot for himself, a last piece of familiarity, and the other two had spoken with the prince themselves. Lancelot had only been punished yet, not, to Merlin's knowledge, interrogated.

Leon winced, not convinced telling off the wandering dead was wise, "Uh- no, it's ok, just, maybe a little warning would be good."

Merlin grimaced, "Yeah, dead folk aren't great with keeping track of time, it apparently is different, I don't know, but warning isn't their strong point."

Leon stretched tight muscles, "Then she may return if she wants, though I'll never feel as relaxed about it as you apparently do, but no catty man or screaming girls. At least until I can get my _own_ thoughts in order."

Merlin nodded, clapping Leon on the shoulder, "Sure, I'll pass the message on when I see one of them, and send up some food since I ate all your bread, long afternoon, and it's miles better than my usual fare." He grinned and swung out of the door, making it halfway down the hall before letting the mask slip and dropping his head back against the wall. Eyes closing, "Oh my gods, oh gods, fuckfuckfuck! That was so _not_ meant to happen." Gwaine's door opposite him opened, "You sound...Well, how is he?"

Merlin groaned, "You know that stick you keep saying it stuck up his arse?"

"Yeeees?"

"I think it's time for a replacement. Stick's getting unnaturally flexible." Gwaine's face contorted with suppressed laughter, "Oh piss off you ridiculous pervert."  
"I'm not the one who ties people up and gags them Merlin."  
"Yes you are."  
"Fine, yes I am- but not the only one." Gwaine grinned lasciviously, "the more rope the better, but you have proven quite thoroughly that you do _not_ in fact need yours."

"I'm keeping it anyway." Merlin folded his arms, grateful for the distraction.

Gwaine nodded toward Leon's door, "I'll give it an hour, if he doesn't seek anyone out before then, I'll go check on him. Anything you want me to watch for?"  
Merlin sighed and ran hands through his hair, "I don't think it's anything we can help with. He asked for time, so I suppose that's what I give him? Unless he tries to go to Uther, and then I'd have to place a memory block or something, but I'd rather it wasn't so important the first time." It was risky too, and they both knew it.

Gwaine leaned against the opposite wall.

"Will you be back in tonight _after_ your visit?"

"Yeah," Merlin smiled, "No plans for testing my resilience to heights tonight, or staying out all night, tempting as it is. Priorities and being responsible and so on."

Gwaine grunted and acknowledgement, "Come pick me up when you get back, the time is unimportant, I'll keep an ear out. Your muscles will need sorting again, and Kilgarrah nights appear to be unpredictable. Good lunch with the visitors… and the Royal prat.

Stopping by the physicians he collected all the medication for evening rounds, delighting in the fact they were all ready for him. He really hadn't noticed the difference as it came on slowly, but suddenly the contrast was unavoidable, and his throat ached. Uther was younger than Gaius and his working life was over. They really had become careless, acting as though the aged physician would simply continue. As he had said to many, many patients, even the most advanced medicine could not defeat ageing.

His mother had a cup of hot chamomile tea waiting, and two men waiting with her. Debating leaving the drink, it was held out to him silently; he took it, wanting Hunith to see she was not being rejected, draining the up. "Thanks mum, haven't really stopped today. If there's anything you need find me or Gwen, or the one as big as a tree, Sir Percy. There is much to discuss but I'm still working, so it may have to wait until morning. I will be here very early tomorrow. I… It will be painful I suggest that you wait for now. Thanks for for fixing all this up though." He gestured to the basket of remedies. Merlin was long passed any basket carrying aversion. There had to be a better way. A more _manly_ way to carry it all, but some of these took days to concoct, and risking spillage was foolhardy. One day there would be a solution. For now baskets were better than hands, and also hid valuable items easily. Fill it with flowers, shrooms, or oil and no one would ever ask and poke around it.

"Any time Merlin. Please be careful. I will take care of him as long as it's needed. There's no rush for _us, OK?_ Tell him I say hello." Merlin was startled, he hadn't mentioned plans to Hunith at all. She smiled sadly, "You have the same faraway look your father would get on such nights." It was an explanation, but made him more aware of the missing pieces and his voice was rough as he replied. "I know you will. Goodnight mum." He pulled her into a hug and caught the eye of the tallest catha warrior over her shoulder. " _You come with me tonight."_ he sent, the almost imperceptible nod enough of an answer. _"At the stables, one hour."_

With the rounds done, there was only the Prince to deal with before night truly fell.


	44. Chapter 43

Helping Arthur prepare for bed was not an easy task that night, and Merlin was certain that there would be no sleep for the Prince for a long time to come, but he had not been wasting any of the time that he was awake recently. Merlin was far too familiar with working through insomnia or for a distraction from everything else. He wasn't about to comment on Arthur's without the man seeming open to it, and the day had been loaded for all of them. Bittersweet for the prince as he _finally_ opposed his father and _won,_ but at significant personal cost, however expansive the payoff. There was no way that he would ever be able to achieve peace and justice, _and_ keep his father's grudging respect.

Merlin was dismissed without any rancour, but seeing the tension around his master's eyes he resolved to make sure Arthur was provided with a strong sleeping draught the next night, for a better option than wine.

Hungover Arthur was a _terrible_ thing. Poor George.

The Catha warrior was waiting with two horses saddled, as a slightly dazed stable boy stood in the corner. Merlin rolled his eyes and glared at the man, "Next time _don't_ hypnotise or otherwise _tweak_ the memories of stableboys and maids, it's not fair and we have to account for our time. Bad Catha Warrior!"

The man's lips turned up at the corners even as he apologised meekly, "Yes My Lord. I shall desist." _Good,_ thought Merlin, at least he had a sense of humour, that was a favourable sign.

"Mount up, we travel fast."

"Ride fast My Lord? Or with you doing the time bending thing?" asked the man in all seriousness.

Merlin's eyebrows rose, "You can feel that?"

The man tipped his head towards the horse, "No, not exactly, but we can read the signs and train for years to recognise _all_ types of magic. Yours is quite _unique_ Lord Emrys."

Merlin hissed something to himself. "Right… well that explains a lot I guess. No time bending this time then. You can explain what that is to me later, I've never come across it in the books."

"You wouldn't, it's not common knowledge and too dangerous to share outside the highest ranked orders. I'm sure you've met over confident youngsters in other fields eager to try things far beyond them, with or without experienced supervision. Such a thing with time would be exceptionally dangerous, even in the extremely unlikely case of them possessing the raw power to do such a thing."

Merlin nodded absently, he met such youths, if he was honest, underneath the 'Emrys' thing he still was. What was worse was that he really _did_ have the power to accidentally do these things. He looked around the stable after checking the stableboy wasn't damaged at all and grinned.

"Aww, you got Trixie- she's mine then, aaand, huh, Alwin. Oh well, no accounting for taste. Let's go." As they left his companion turned and asked Merlin about that.

"Oh, nothing's _wrong_ with him, he's just a bit… sensible for this kind of trip. For a horse. Reeeally doesn't like dragons, thinks they see him as dinner and want to eat him because- well because they do. See _this_ would be a good time for your hypnosis or imposed- calm trick, because they _really_ don't like it when horses go missing."

The older man chortled, "Ah. So can I assume from that we are going to meet with the Great Dragon?"

Merlin grinned, "Oh yes! Kilgarrah hasn't had so many visitors in at least a quarter century."

Catha warrior one, as Merlin thought of him, looked concerned, "Not that I'm not honoured Lord Emrys, but why are you allowing me to accompany you there?"  
Merlin chuckled, "Call it caution. Kilgarrah has lived a long time, and remembers _your_ kind well. He'll know whether you're the real deal or not, and he is very, very difficult to deceive. He'll only hurt you if you hurt me- or he _thinks_ you're going to hurt me." Even then Merlin suspected the command not to harm humans would hold, but the one beside him didn't need to know that.

"So, what is your name? Do you lot even have names, or is it like some of the nobles where they gain the title and no longer use their first name?"

The Catha man eyed Merlin carefully, "Wow, so… your education about this is-"

"Sparse. Yes. Thus Kilgarrah's involvement. Answer me." Merlin wasn't about to tolerate disrespect, having watched Arthur for years he'd learned there was a fine line between friendly cheek, and damaging insolence, he could relax later, rather than become harsher.

Clearly his companion understood as he answered quickly, "We have names. There are levels within the order that have designations, so someone more advanced I would address as 'Master', even if he was lower than another who would be 'master' to him. Some give up their own names as an act of sacrifice, going by 'servant of the goddess', or 'Seer of truth', that sort of thing, symbolising setting aside their personal wants, but the majority do not. My name is Oswald. My father was not native to this land, but my mother was a druid, she met him travelling and when he died well, she wanted me to have something of him." He shrugged. "I do not answer to Waldo, no matter what my friend tells you."

Merlin grinned "What about Ozzie?" The man groaned, "You are Emrys, I answer to you by any handle. Even if it _is that."_

Merlin made a face, "Keep calling me Lord Emrys and I guarantee Ozzie will stick. If I get a name that makes me twitch, so do you. We're far enough to evade notice, now _ride hard."_ Merlin leaned forward, sighing as the wind swept through his hair. It was a poor second to Kilgarrah, but it certainly beat trotting sedately or trudging for miles through the mud.

They reached the clearing- Kilgarrah's clearing as Merlin thought of it- as fast as he had hoped, and Merlin set wards around the area that would allow the horse to wander but not spook. Striding out to the middle of it he through back his head and roared, leaving poor Oswald trembling. He had _heard_ of this, learned about it and many other things in detail, but hearing the tale and _experiencing_ it were completely different. He had never expected it to freeze him or be so overwhelming- or for it to come from a man who in most of his life demonstrated great humility and restraint.

"He won't be long," Merlin called over his shoulder, "He's in the area already. Waiting, I'd guess. He's a sneaky bastard who _knows things._ Hopefully _some_ of it will surprise him. There's ale in the water bag next to you if you need something stronger than water, and some bread and cheese if you get hungry. We don't always go up together, but tonight is definitely that kind of night, so you might have to occupy yourself a bit. Unless Kilgarrah decides you are trying to assassinate me, when it won't be a problem." Oswald looked nervous, but not guilty, and stood stoically, so Merlin let it go and didn't try to talk to him while they waited, unlike Gwaine this was not someone accustomed to inane chatter or friendly banter in near death situations… yet.

Kilgarrah descended as always surprisingly quietly for a creature so large, settling in front of Merlin. Noticing the second man he bowed to Merlin, not a habit that they usually maintained, so the warlock concluded it was for Oswald's benefit.

"Kilgarrah. It is good to see you once again old friend." Merlin reached up to touch the massive dragon.

"And you my Lord. It appears that you have been very busy since we last spoke, there is one with you who is no knight of Camelot, or passing druid."

Merlin smiled, glad of Kilgarrah's calm response, "No. He is here for a purpose though and at my request."  
"Request, Emrys?" He raised one scaly eyebrow.

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Fine. My command. You happy?"

"Happy is a subjective term My Lord. I am content. What is it you need this night?" Merlin stared at Kilgarrah, puzzling over his odd behaviour and wondering for a heart stopping moment if the witch might have got to him somehow.

" _I am not possessed Young Warlock, the witch cannot touch me, but I think the man behind you may keel over in shock if we speak as normal_. _Dead men are not useful to you."_

Well, he wasn't wrong, supposed Merlin. " _Drop it as soon as we leave the ground 'Garrah, it's driving me spare already."_

Merlin glared at his dragon, patience stretched thin by everything, "I require your assistance in ascertaining the authenticity of this man's claims, Kilgarrah.

He and his companion arrived in Camelot earlier with my mother," He rolled his eyes again, "Claiming to be Catha warriors called to protect her, and since then also to be skilled in healing. Your experience would be valuable as I have never met one of their Order, and do not wish to make a mistake that may endanger the destiny we have worked so long to fulfil."

The dragon raised a brow and smiled, though to anyone else it would look more like a threat as he revealed more razor sharp teeth.

"Bring Him forward, I do not speak to men who skulk in the shadows."

Merlin cringed. " _Unnecessary jab 'Garrah."_

The unrepentant dragon sniffed Oswald as he came to stand before him, and snorted smoke over the man. "You carry the weapons appropriate to your position, and the charms. Shed your tunic, you know what I expect to see."

Oswald glanced towards Merlin, but did as instructed, deciding not to pick an argument with the massive, fire breathing dragon.

His torso was _covered_ in various tattoos. Some connected, some not.

"Turn." Again he did so, and Kilgarrah seemed to relax slightly.

"Good, good. Sole of you feet now, come, you cannot be so shy as you would have me believe." Oswald complied and Kilgarrah seemed satisfied. "Redress. Tell me, what do you know of extraction practices."

Oswald swallowed, "I know _how._ I have observed on two occasions. It is not a practice I have ever engaged in, nor do I wish to, it is _barbaric_ but the theory is something all must study, if for no other reason than to establish and practice our defences against it." Kilgarrah nodded and puffed smoke again.

"You will teach these defences to Lord Emrys. The theory will not become practice." Kilgarrah growled mildly, apparently enough to scare the man though.

"Your other skills are… satisfactory. My Lord has been woefully deprived of such education through no fault of his own, and after the destruction of such knowledge and orders such as your own going into hiding such training is difficult to obtain. It is vital that this be remedied. Is your _friend_ of the same affiliation?"

Oswald looked chagrined, "He is, Great Dragon."

"Good." Kilgarrah nodded firmly, "I will meet with him to be certain."

Turning to Merlin now, ignoring the Catha he smiled, "He is what he says. You may trust him, though he has learned their other art of torture and confession, he has not used it and shares your revulsion of that. It is why he has been held back from advancement. He and his friend, if _he_ speaks the truth are experienced and hold skill just a level below a high priest, but have not earned that position in their order as a result of refusing to perform certain _services_. A full Priest of the Catha is not permitted to pick and choose which elements and services he will provide. He is not his own. Only the High Priest may command them otherwise. _You_ would not be able or willing to work with one who had done such things for their own advancement. Or at all. Given your _experience_ I cannot disagree with such a choice. You may not have called them here, but someone with greater knowledge than you possess did. I suspect one whom they serve."

Merlin let go of tension he didn't even realise he was carrying, "Thank you Kilgarrah, you serve well as always. There is news from Camelot that you may appreciate."

Kilgarrah nudged his Lord, "So says the wind and the water. Magic begins to flow again. Your excitement earlier left an amusing sculpture in the treetops."

"Well then, if you don't want to know…" Merlin shrugged as though he would stop and Kilgarrah rumbled his amusement, "Indeed. I am listening My Lord."

"The first laws have been changed. Knowing or being related to one with magic, or trading with them, or offering shelter, no longer are crimes. The change is not to only carrying a reduced penalty, but to no longer include such in the criminal code at all. The 'crime' no longer exists in the law and justice of Camelot. It is a beginning. Our graves are now compulsory to mark, and our bodies must be properly treated. The death rituals which cause no harm will be restored. This is not commencing now but retroactive. Those whom _you knew_ , and were subjected to listening to their suffer, will be honoured in at least the most basic ways. Magic is still not legal, but it is coming, we are no longer condemned to a life alone if we do not seek death, and in death will no longer be considered _less t_ han human."

"My Lord, you may wish to calm down _slightly._ You are floating." Kilgarrah chuckled.

"Well that isn't very impressive, is it." Merlin frowned as he settled back to the earth he was supposed to walk.

"I fear it is a little low for your taste Lord Emrys. Perhaps you will allow me to remedy that?"

Merlin beamed, "I have a coat to test properly, let's fly _high_ 'Garrah."

"High and fast then we shall go Lord, the coat is one I recognise. I never expected to see such again." and Kilgarrah launched them both into the air, leaving Oswald to stumble across to the sheltered area, and open the ale with great appreciation for Merlin bringing it with him.

They were barely in the air before Merlin threw his arms out, holding on with his thighs. The coat, he found worked far, far better than any cloak ever had, the tight lacing leaving no places open for the wind to catch.

They reached the clouds quickly and Merlin screamed in exhilaration, feeling the joy echo along his connection to the dragon beneath him, the building excitement, and the sense of magic daring to intrude on the land again. A growing awareness the seeped into empty places he hadn't known existed. Knowing that Kilgarrah was flying _with_ him, not just carrying him as a dull passenger, the next time he flipped over, Merlin let go; speeding downward and letting the dragon catch him before spiralling back up through the clouds and finally calming. Reaching out for Kilgarrah he felt his hum of contentment reflected and spoke to him mentally, not bothering to try and compete with the wind and the air currents.

" _Arthur challenged Uther. The old man knows what Arthur's doing. His power base is weak now, and his mind weaker. Not in front of the council, but I don't think he really had to, they have seen the balance changing already, that the regent is no longer a child, or a boy openly in need of his father's favour. Uther attacked him. He's alive but effectively under house arrest, restricted often to his chambers."_

Merlin didn't often mention the old king to Kilgarrah for obvious reasons, but felt it was important now, and worth disturbing painful memories for.

" _Challenged his father did he? Well it's about time. I thought the nights in dungeons would have done it years ago, but no. Nor the hidden beatings. At last then Courage has embraced his_ own _courage, as Magic now acknowledges himself. I wonder how many of the others come forth finally into their true selves. Strength came first for both of you did he not? Others must then begin to follow their paths. You must watch for the witch closely now. She will feel the disturbance, the shifting in the fabric of the world. She has reason to avoid notice for now but you know that will not last."_

Merlin knew he was right but pushed Morgana aside to worry about another day, he had enough concerns in the present. " _Is Oswald safe to take into the castle vaults?_

The dragon hummed under him, " _Yes, though they will anger him, as they anger all of us."_

" _Why did you have him disrobe? The marks mean something, don't they."_ Merlin had understood that much.

Kilgarrah made a pleased sound, " _Yes, Merlin. They show his skills, which forms of magic he knows, special gifts. By rights you should carry the same type of signs, they carry across language barriers and time."_

" _I don't think I'm ready for that. He would recognise blood magic then, or a dangerous curse?",_ Merlin frowned, he was torn between wondering if he'd qualify for _any_ marks as he hadn't _mastered_ many of his skills, or if they'd want to colour him in like a manuscript. Still, at least he wasn't going to be expected to pierce anything. He shuddered as he remembered what some of the kings and chiefs from history had demanded their advisors do.

He allowed the world to fall away and his mind to drift for a while until Kilgarrah beneath him turned on a wingtip _"Yes he would. You are still troubled by what you saw. If you wish to do this tonight we must return, time is not on your side."_

" _Is it ever?"_ Merlin tried to groan, but it was impossible to sound grumpy in the air.

" _Occasionally. I will stay close my Lord Merlin. Should you have need of me."_

" _Stretch your wings a bit 'Garrah, don't stay just because_ my _life got even crazier, you were forced to inactivity for far too long."_

Kilgarrah tumbled them and his dragonlord laughed, _"Hey, I'm not telling you to piss off, you're welcome as long as you don't try to barbecue them, I just don't want to be yet another person to_ trap _or chain you. Destiny's let you go for a while, might as well enjoy it, at least on my behalf."_

" _You are many things Merlin, but a chain was never one of them."_ Kilgarrah could speak surprisingly gently for a creature his size.

"Thank you, old friend. I may have need of you without Warrior number two tomorrow. It is not going to be an easy day I think. I have a past to reckon with."

" _It is the past that birthed you Emrys. Do not be afraid of facing it… and remember that you do not have to be alone."_ As they landed gracefully Merlin jumped down and gently rested his forehead against Kilgarrah's.

"Thank you. Your wisdom does not fall on deaf ears 'Garrah."

The dragon raised an eyebrow and smirked _"That makes a change for once, Young warlock."_

"Goodnight My Lord", he spoke aloud, and taking off left the men in the clearing.

"That was… overwhelming. Intense."

Merlin chuckled, "That's the general consensus about first meetings with Kilgarrah. You're cleared though, and apparently someone who I can work with. I didn't call you, but someone did, so I guess you'll just have to earn your keep. Before I let you go back to the physician's there's something I need your help with, and we can't just go wandering about there at high noon. I regularly break in, but have only recently had official permission to enter. It will make you angry, but like Kilgarrah and I you're going to have to swallow that and focus alright?"

Oswald nodded hesitantly, "Yes Emrys."

"Good," He whistled sharply and their horses returned. "Mount up. We've got work to do."

It was still a relatively new feeling to Merlin to have _allies_ in Camelot. Or anywhere really.

As they snuck through the darkest corridors there were fewer guards, for some reason it was an unpopular place to guard. Maybe the non magic folk _could_ feel _something,_ thought Merlin.

" _Ic ia tospringe"_ The heavy door unlocked and they slipped through into the first section of the vaults. Oswald gasped in a mixture of horror and astonishment, "I know; but careful there, we're still close to the door. Remember, _focus._ There are things here that can draw a person in, _be careful._ There's something specific I want you to look at- well, actually there's about a hundred different very specific things I want you to check, but tonight there's a priority. Follow me and do not turn off." Merlin half suspected the tunnels changed to keep people who didn't know where they were going disoriented.

Fortunately the man behind him didn't argue, instead murmuring an agreement and fixing his eyes on a point between Merlin's shoulder blades, which unnerved him, but he decided that if it worked and they didn't get separated it probably didn't matter _how._

By the last bend Merlin was feeling unnaturally chilled, a growing sense of horror at the prospect of morning and seeing where the owners and guardians of all the items kept here had ended up.

The very air around him felt oppressive and he was almost regretting coming in when he saw what he was looking for. "Here. I need you to see what you can make of this, I haven't touched it or disturbed anything, but if my research is correct, only a priestess could have set such a thing."

Oswald shook his head, kneeling down to examine a section, "No, a High Priestess, or her equal. This is no simple thing, to affect only one individual- Uther if you look at the rune here- it is designed to be generational. To pass down his line. I do not know which woman did this, only that she is no longer living. It's well done at least." He barked out a harsh laugh, "Oh but look _here, now that is interesting._ It links Uther's fate and his offspring yes, but- here and here, two different terms. This one is 'his firstborn', and _here_ ," Oswald pointed delicately, "It reads 'his _heir_ '.

Not an obvious difference really, certainly not years ago, and it does happen, but unusual when it's a spell specific to a particular individual like this one. His _fate_ of body and spirit is tied to his firstborn- which actually would explain some things, and here _, his heir_ refers to the ending of the line 'as should always have been', to suffer from the blindness and arrogance of the father- and isn't that odd. It's specifically written to have multiple meanings. That's forked, she left them both an out. It was not written to inflict suffering on his children as such, but to link the consequences in a manner that they do not continue for many generations without being accounted for. Who would… If Uther had recovered himself, and refrained from such violence, this would have been a blessing, it is _he_ who makes it a curse. If Uther had cared for his people properly, there would be no blindness for Arthur to suffer from. That is…

I wonder who this was done by, not Nimue. I've seen many examples of _her_ work, it was easy, practised, precise, this carries a similar subtlety though, it's highly likely the author was familiar with Nimue. Not cold, but this is _personal._ Morgause? No. Too recent, this is _old_ , settled deep, and Morgause would never have risked Uther's heir surviving. If she used blood magic for something like this she would place a death curse.

I wonder…" Oswald paused and looked piercingly at Merlin, "How many people knew of Morgana's parentage?"

Merlin thought back trying to work it out, "Not Gaius, he didn't realise until after I was here, Geoffrey knew I believe, but has no magic. Nimue knew of Morgause's, and likely Morgana's but you said this is not her work. If Vivienne had a confidante or sister perhaps she would have told them? And Igraine. Arthur's mother knew. Records around that time are patchy to say the least."

"Did she now." Oswald chuckled. "I can't tell you for sure yet but have three theories. I think that whoever wrote this knew about Morgana, and I _suspect_ they knew of Arthur's conception. Even outside of Camelot there were rumours among the magic folk, things never quite added up. Either one of Vivenne's many sisters wrote this in anger not realising that Morgana was Uther's firstborn, which would account for the lack of finesse if they were grieving, and also accidentally protect the Once and Future King _or_ Igraine did. She knew the Old Religion well, but rarely practised the skills she'd have used if she hadn't become Queen, she had easy access to Uther's blood and hair, enough that if she survived and the birth did not cost _her_ life she could come and very carefully negate this, Morgana would have been raised safely. This _looks_ like premeditated vengeance, self defense really, and the jerky rhythm could be hurt, or anger, or fear. The only other possibility given the slaughter of Morgana's house and the priestesses is that one understood the prophecies correctly, and this was desperation, the dark witch being hamstrung as it was, and the magic folk protected by Arthur's ignorance. Whoever it was seems to have expected not to survive… but they didn't want to _kill_ either, which suggests to me they were compromised emotionally. It requires further deliberation."

Merlin thought he was beyond being shocked, but he'd really expected the man to look at it and announce he had no idea what it all meant, after having so many _unhelpful_ helpers. Ruling out priestesses had seemed unlikely after so long, but then, Gaius easily recognised Nimue's work, and every person's magic had a different _feel_ , he could recognise Oswald's by now, so perhaps it was the same with an anchored spell.

Merlin was tempted to sit down, feeling wobbly, but that was never a good idea in magical caves, so instead he leaned down and helped Oswald up from the ground, "Ok, wow, that's a lot. I uh- I _can't_ tell Arthur that yet. Do you have the sense not to mention it, or do I have to order you as Emrys, Ozzie?" The man shook his head at the ground in wonder, and his lips curled as he bowed his head to Merlin, "You need not order me, but I will obey your wishes anyway. Is there anything else you require before we rest? My apologies but it has been a very long day, and I do not wish to start making careless mistakes. In a place like this there are unseen dangers"

Merlin chuckled, knowing just how true that was, and began to lead him back towards the entrance, very careful this time not to see any mirrors, "No, there's nothing else. You can sleep. Can you find your way back from the kitchens to Gaius and my mother?"  
"I'm not so tired yet that I can't manage that."

They emerged from the vaults and Merlin locked it carefully behind them, laying wards again over the threshold "Then I shall leave you there. My own night is not quite over,and my chambers a different direction." They moved silently, as two breaking in and out of the highest security room of a castle ought to and split at the agreed place, where Merlin picked up a couple of apples, and a flagon of ale.

Sneaking into the knights quarters was something he was becoming more accustomed to but still felt just a little dangerous. Lancelot had tended to come to him, rather than Merlin seeking him out openly. He raised his hand to knock on Gwaine's door, nervous about waking others and being seen, and dropped it as he remembered that his friend was expecting him, and tried the door. As he'd suspected, he'd left it unlocked and it opened without resistance. Merlin growled again at the carelessness and waved a hand at it _"Fyrbendum faest."_

Clearly Gwaine had succumbed to sleep after a rough few days as his right arm hung off the bed and the rest of him sprawled undignified over the mattress. He must have still been waiting though as Merlin's low chuckle penetrated and Gwaine looked over hazily, as though trying to make sense of something before the confusion cleared and he smiled sleepily. "You came back."

Merlin snorted, "I always come back. Can't get rid of me so easily. Unless you want to after earlier..." Merlin shrugged awkwardly.

Gwaine laughed and moved away from the edge, "Hell no, just not up to dragging my tired arse up to your room so late. Figured you'd get in in the wee hours, but there's no point in us all being exhausted, and I can't run on magic. Merlin looked at him gauging whether Gwaine was moving away or making space for him. "I brought peace offering apples, if you were hungry, illicit ones. I'm told they taste better. Do you- I mean…"  
Gwaine rolled his eyes, "Boots off, coat too as it looks uncomfortable and even I can't give a rubdown through that, and get in the damn bed. Oil's on the bedside cabinet, chuck it over and I'll get the worst of the knots, not like my sheets haven't seen worse."

Merlin grimaced. "I know, I'm a servant mind."

"Aye. Still not sorry. Was tonight productive?"

Merlin sighed deeply as he obeyed, "Very, probably too helpful, but at least we know Oswald's legitimate."

"Oswald?" Gwaine's brow wrinkled, too tired to try and work it out,

"Catha warrior number one." Said Merlin, almost as tired himself.

"Ah. Good. That's very good news. You gonna keep that shirt on or make it easy for me here?" He raised the vial and Merlin only hesitated for a couple of seconds this time before removing it and collapsing on his front with a deep groan, noticing pain he hadn't registered until that moment. Gwaine chuckled at the immediate reaction to his hands smoothing the worst away, clumsy as they were from being woken, "You might want to do your soundproofing thing unless you want to answer questions tomorrow mate."

"Already done." Mumbled Merlin into the pillow.

"Huh. Prepared. I like it."

"Not for that you ass."

"Multiple purposes achieved in one go. Even better."

Merlin really did try to answer but the incoherent babbling just made his friend snigger.

"Shut up Merlin, you idiot. Just fucking sleep already." and Merlin couldn't fight it anymore, feeling like he'd been traitorously tricked by his alleged friend into doing something that wasn't completely necessary and he was doing far more of lately that he had in years. Must be evil. Probably. He decided it probably didn't matter if they kept the nightmares away so well. He'd have to keep them and just deal with any consequences later.

Later. Huh. That was new. Planning. For later. Like it would just _be there_ and he'd still be alive in it. He liked that.

His eyes closed and despite the fact his reality of seeing the mass graves in the morning chased him into his dreams this time, every time he awoke, there was someone there telling him to breathe; or whispering nonsense, or just _present_ , and it worked like nothing else ever had.

Gwaine next to him each time sighed sluggishly and reminded himself why tonight was a bad night, half-conscious each time thinking it was good he wasn't alone and pacing the room in the cold. He'd found his friend like that before, with a slightly manic look, never asking, and he knew now that Arthur had seen similar behaviours on extended patrols before. Better this way when they knew to expect it.

Morning came too soon for either of them, the pre dawn light almost offensive, and Merlin was seriously tempted to cloud it over a little before he realised there were people now who might actually notice adjustments. Instead he threw and arm over his eyes and tried to burrow deeper into his bedmate, taking several minutes to register 'bed-mate' and 'not my own bed'. Gwaine registered a protest as his source of warmth moved away. "I need fresher clothes for this. Not like the dead will notice, but it feels disrespectful to not at least wash after they've been ignored for so long."

"Is. Is disrpectf'l, should wash f'rst." grumbled Gwaine, pressing a pillow over his eyes to block the light. "Basin's in th'corner." Merlin almost declined, before realising that otherwise he'd have to walk through the halls not only in yesterday's shirt but smelling like he'd spent the night in a knight's bed. From that direction. The soap here was nicer anyway, which he told Gwaine but only got a grunt in answer to. The cold water went a good way to waking him up and Merlin left Gwaine dozing with a quiet smile curling his lips. Feeling a warmth his coat couldn't account for Merlin's eyes flashed gold and he left the door safely locked, sure his message would be understood by the man. Making his way to his own chambers felt different, his steps heavier the closer he got, an acute awareness that today was different, in a far darker way to the day before. The dates would be fixed in his mind forever Merlin was sure, as it should be.

If Arthur allowed it, he planned to make this day one of remembrance in the future.


	45. Chapter 44

Merlin felt a great heaviness of spirit as he put on the tunic with the fewest repairs, he had one from Arthur that was better but it felt inappropriate to wear something given to him personally by the son of the tyrant responsible for their murders. At least the first time.

Eyeing the storage chest he decided to try folding space in it later. Perhaps experimenting with it would be therapeutic afterwards, he was confident that he had identified the necessary _principle_ anyway.

As he stood considering that he did not know exactly where Gaius intended to lead him but had his suspicions, Merlin laced the coat properly, pulled on the gauntlets he was still unaccustomed to wearing, and made his way down towards his old home. Being very careful not to disturb anyone who may still be sleeping. Placing his palm against the cool wood of the door Merlin felt some satisfaction at the substantial wards that prickled over his skin. He'd left his own, stronger though less subtle, but Ozzie wouldn't have a personal link and response to those, so it was reassuring to find he'd set his own. Warily he opened it and crossed the threshold. The one he hadn't really _met_ yet was awake and on guard, and there were muffled sounds coming from Gaius' chamber, but no-one speaking. Merlin wondered if the guests knew what his purpose this morning was given the atmosphere seemed almost oppressive. He hoped not.

As the man's eyes swept over him, appearing to take in details Merlin knew he hadn't thought of or been aware one could observe; he held out a cup of something warm, with a familiarity of when this was his home. He sniffed and caught the scent of mint, then looked back to the warrior-priest still watching him, "I'll make my own thanks." He handed it back to the man, Ozzie might have passed, but no one who hadn't done a _lot_ of lying to him yet had checked him.

"What's your name?" Asked Merlin circumspectly, keeping his voice low to avoid waking anyone. He had kept one of them out late, and Gaius could use the rest and slower start, though he suspected that sleep wouldn't have come easily the previous night to his old mentor. 'Catha warrior two' grimaced,"Ah, Waldo said you'd want to know that."

Merlin snorted, "He also said to ignore the nickname."

The older man chuckled as though it was an old joke, "As I'd expect him to. I go by Finian."

"Going by it doesn't make that your name." Merlin's eyebrow rose and crossed his arms over his chest, he had always chosen his words carefully but until recently hadn't listened _quite_ as carefully to those of others.

"Doesn't it? That is the name given on my last journey, and tracking me will only get you so far, but these hamlets and inns will recognise me by only that name. I've used many though, Emrys. I doubt even my fellow priests are certain of which is the first one given at birth. I might have adopted 'nameless', but that would not serve me well outside the sacred places and seemed pretentious. Now I carry those of people I have known, most of whom now wait upon Avalons white shores, so no disastrous mistakes can be made in tracing the steps of _that_ incarnation back. My skills would be wasted if I remained in one place, stuck at a level without challenge or growth, all for having simple compassion. I do not believe that torture contributes to balance but to chaos. This is not the conviction of the triple goddess, or indeed her counterpart. Even She recognises the need for balance in this world. You also begin to understand. I see it in your eyes… and your resistance."

Merlin's eyes narrowed, disliking being 'seen' when he already felt vulnerable, "You don't make yourself easy to trust, but I will call you Finian for now, if that is your wish."

He smiled in response, fine wrinkles clearer in the dim light than the sun,"Then if it is still your preference to the names we give you, Lord Emrys, I shall call you 'Merlin'. It is not who you are to us, but it is what you have chosen to mean yourself. There are others that do so for much different reasons; we do remain a shelter and we train in all ways to fight, primarily to fulfil the role of protecting those who cannot or will not, for whichever reason. Most of the Catha _do_ exercise great compassion. As with the priestesses, only a few are corrupt or have forgotten, but those few- like the Witch, and Nimue- are not without power, and all possess a wide range of skills. If you are able to we shall talk later, Merlin."

"Yes. Yes we will." Merlin spoke with certainty, curious about what they might be able to teach him- or explain about his expected role, and speculating as he leant to make his own drink, and waited for Gaius to emerge. Merlin was expected this morning, and among family, but it still made him uncomfortable as he looked around his old home; so many memories, and now so many doubts and changed understandings. Gaius had spoken without any doubt when he told Merlin he wasn't a monster, offering reassurance but no evidence or reasons. Merlin had never exactly _told_ him about going to speak to the dragon and yet he had clearly known when they needed answers beyond _his_ ken. Then of course there was Sigan, and the sword Excaliber...

The times he had cried here, or that Gaius had thanked, or congratulated him knowing no-one else would flashed through his mind; and still there so easily _could have been_ if only the man had hidden less and done what was right. Someone who _understood_ fully what it was to be a part of the old religion in the core of their being. It stung deeply that he had told _Uther_ about the existence of the last dragonlord before he bothered to tell _Merlin_ about his father being alive, and _easy to find_. Uther who would gladly kill the man, fully intended to, while Merlin had spent his life questioning and wondering, and suffering for not knowing.

At that moment he had no idea _how_ he felt as so many conflicting images and memories flooded him, and then the door of Gaius' own chamber opened, and it was like being doused with cold water. He had seen many versions of the man before him. Many voices, and he had often been up at or _until_ the dawn broke, frequently with Merlin at his side- or patching him up- but never had Gaius looked so drawn and tired. So _old._ "Welcome my boy," Merlin didn't pick him up on the old familiar greeting, still dismayed by Gaius' apparent fragility, instead clearing his throat and concentrating on setting aside his turmoil, "Good morning Gaius. It's um- good to see you again." Mentally cursing his suddenly restricted speech.

Gaius snorted, disbelieving, "How you are still alive is a mystery Merlin, with such terrible skills at basic lying. This morning is many things, but 'good' is not one of them, and we both know that your feelings about seeing me do not condense to that either, though I cannot deny you have valid reasons for that. This morning is _necessary_ , and a very dark day indeed. It is also however, long overdue. Something that should have been done long ago, when I first realised who you were. You were young though, happy for the most part, and I did not not wish to burden you- nor in truth to revisit such terrible memories myself." He sighed sorrowfully, "They deserved better than that. All of them."

Merlin bit his lip hard, they really had known each other's habits, become comfortable together. Perhaps, thought Merlin, that wasn't such a good thing.

"I do miss _this_. Having company in the morning- seeing you survived the night." Merlin attempted a weak smile.

Gaius' eyebrows rose, "From what I hear, early morning company is not something you have been lacking, though the suspected identity of 'company' varies depending on who tells it. I understand that there is an element of freedom which comes with having your own space Merlin, but do be _safe,_ please." The physician looked at him in earnest, and Merlin knew he was more scared of the possible consequences of Merlin being discovered than any physical damage he might incur. Understandable given their morning's goal. He grimaced at the other implications. Not least because drunks were stupid and he was their physicians assistant in _all_ types of cases. He considered it a mercy none of the round table had turned up with that particular complaint.

"I will be. Are you ready for this?" Merlin looked at his mentor- ex mentor?- As he moved stiffly and held up a hand. "Sit down." Looking at his student with mild amusement Gaius nevertheless obeyed. "Fin. Get one of the anti-inflammatories out, and please remember a support or compression bandage for later." The man rose and rifled through the cabinet, handing down a vial that both Merlin and Gaius checked, relieved to find it was the correct one, and Gaius drank it. Neither of them had emotional energy spare today to argue over a meaningless thing. Merlin placed his hands on the old man's knees and whispered over each "Þurhhæle licsar min." Frowning as he felt them, the joint still heated and swollen, if slightly improved. "I hope that Oswald will be willing to help me with that aspect of healing, but for now they should pain you a _little_ less. Fin and Oswald can be of more help later, though our time now is short."

Gaius looked disapprovingly at his ex-ward, as always feeling that using energy and magic on _him_ was wasteful. "You should save your strength Merlin, though I appreciate the attempt to help. Your healing _is_ improving. I just wish it wasn't the result of exposure to many wounds and being left in dire need. You know what I've said about ageing, you have told enough people the same yourself."

Merlin nodded, throat aching in spite of his conflicted feelings, "No healer can defeat ageing, nor should they try to do so." He recited.

"Well spoken my boy. It is dangerous for any man to believe otherwise. Or to try and defy the ways of nature. No man lives forever." Merlin looked guiltily away.

"Most would not wish to if they truly comprehended the meaning of it."

"Hmm. Come, let us leave before Hunith rises, she is safe enough here and there are things you must have knowledge of that I would not wish for her to see."

Merlin nodded stiffly, he understood. His mother had seen enough horrors for life, and most of them were centred around _him,_ he didn't disagree with Gaius' choice this time.

"Are you able to ride out?" Merlin tried not to let his doubt show, only a few years ago it wouldn't have been a question.

Gaius smiled sadly, and Merlin saw the pain in the old physician's eyes. "Yes, but it is not _out_ we must go first. Come Merlin, please, we will go out of the city to other significant sites, but first follow me. The Purge was not and has not been a steady trickle, with a predictable pattern. The Purge as it has been called, occurred in staggering, shocking waves that left us all reeling, trying to find out which of our acquaintances had survived without ever mentioning their names lest it endanger them, or their families.

It happened in stages, with some periods of stability that fooled us into thinking it was over, finished, people would begin to return and then another harsh reaction to any minor incident or disagreement would be implemented. The worst was Arthur's first five years, _those_ were relentless, merciless, and harsh but even that was punctuated by exceptional events. As all such reigns are. Follow me. First we go down. Before it was realised that burning saved a separate cremation to dispose of the dead and… well there were different responses. Some worse than others, but terrified or grieving people often make poor choices. The first day you were here resulted in you being thrown in the cells. I was furious, and you were _so stupid_ , but I never really explained any further. I believe now you will understand my reaction to your rash actions, so common in youths."

Merlin followed silently, cold fear a living thing in his gut as he realised where they were going and his body began to shake." Things started spinning around him and only stopped as a gnarled hand came to rest on his arm, a point of focus. "Come. You were right. You do need to know. Trying to _protect you_ in practice _hindered you._ "

Swallowing his revulsion Merlin continued, going slowly as Gaius was so on spiral stairs these days. Merlin saw one guard look straight at him and the blood drain from his face as though he had seen something terrifying. He didn't stop to question it. The warlock knew his way through these tunnels better than any mere guard.

They took the ancient steps into the cave, so much older and more worn by time and use than the tower ones, descending to the ledge, though they remained standing far back from the edge. Merlin lit the cave, not bothering today with stolen torches. Today was not like that day, when a naive boy had snuck down; it felt like another lifetime.

Gaius spoke softly, as though his words might be dangerous. "When he took the Dragonlords. Your family. They went first to the dungeons, just above us, and that was bad enough, the people were shocked, it hadn't been done since the days of Daobeth, but no one outside the castle suspected what was to come. It was the first time Uther used men like Aredian openly, having found out your kind were harder to kill. He did try burning, and it didn't work, so he told them to find something that did. I was bound by an Oath, and what I saw then still haunts me." Looking in open horror at Gaius' seeing his hunched frame Merlin believed it, seeing tears that had never fallen even after he himself was taken by the false Witchfinder. "After, he had a problem, Dragonlords bodies had always been dealt with by dragonfire, but now there was only one dragon left so…" There Gaius voice broke, and as understanding dawned Merlin sank to his knees without words.

"He brought the bodies to the great dragon." Merlin shook his head trying to deny the truth of those words. There was no other way into the cavern, only this staircase, the ledge hadn't led to crypts, and no one would dare to enter here for more than seconds. They'd need magical protection against dragonflame, and suddenly more of what he'd seen from Lachlan and Kilgarrah made sense. "No. No, _he_ did not and we were not given to Kilgarrah's flame, they were thrown like some _rubbish_ into the chasm. Uther didn't just keep him chained, imprisoned. He chained him in a _tomb._ What kind of monsters… This city is an abomination. Kilgarrah was right. Uther should have died, and all who helped him do this thing." Merlin looked at Gaius, the anger burning in his gut reflected in his eyes, and saw true fear from his uncle. Gritting his teeth he reeled it back in what he hoped was enough. "Get out. Go to the top, close the door, and wait for me. There's something I have to do."

Gaius obeyed silently, hobbling slightly. As soon as he heard the door shut Merlin screamed. Taking one last look around a place that had meant so much to him, he knew he would never return. Couldn't. If _he_ couldn't though, he was going to be damn sure no one else could desecrate what should _never_ have been anyone's final resting place. Reaching out his arms he felt for the rock, for how much wouldn't be dangerous, and when it felt right backed up to the top step and _pulled_ collapsing the staircase, ledge, and cavern. Whispering in the language of dragonlords he spoke a long denied blessing and placing a hand on the rock next to him coaxed it to heat and grow over to form a thin wall that would prevent anyone from trying. Walking out he saw Gaius looking at him in terror, and one of the guards upset about his broken chair. "It is done." He said simply to Gaius. To the guards staring at him, confused about his appearance he spoke far more calmly, "The door no longer works. It doesn't need guarding." Behind them he could see Lachlan, somber as Merlin felt, and he bowed deeply as a man showing respect to his sovereign; which Merlin didn't feel he was, but the sentiment he understood completely. The rest of today would be those who were innocent victims, which was terrible, but _that_ had been his family. Camelot had literally stood on the bones of his kin. He ran. He did wonder how pissed off Arthur would be, there was no way he hadn't noticed that given he knew what Merlin was doing this morning, Gaius followed him, still able to follow as blatant a trail as Merlin left, and found him looking lost out at the city. He didn't say anything, just rested a hand on his arm. Some time later, with the sky thick with grey clouds Merlin spoke, "You said we need to ride out. I'm ready." It was a lie they both knew, but there was never going to be a day when someone was _ready_ for that. When _either_ of them were. Understanding, Gaius lifted his hand and nodded, and they walked together in silence towards the stables.

Merlin was stunned to find that two horses were saddled and ready, Percival standing easily beside them holding out two waterproof hoods. "How? What?" stammered Merlin. "Eileen." He said quietly, "Seems a bit overcast up there, and I know that you have some messages that can't wait any longer than they already have. She was worried about you is all she said." He spoke gently, eyes searching Merlin's face and apparently finding some answer Merlin was unaware of giving as he nodded kindly, "Be careful out there."

As he turned to leave he held out a walking stick to Gaius, "You too physician." Percival didn't have it in him to be cruel or harsh, but it was rare that he acted as though he didn't know someone or use their name.

Leaving them together he left and went to get his own wet-weather training gear ready.

"Eileen?" Gaius asked. Merlin sighed, he couldn't deny that he was still worried about the man, "Her grave is somewhere out there too." Gaius was rather out of practise riding, but they had barely left before he came to stop again bringing his mount around again. Merlin's eyes widened in disgust. "Gaius," He growled, "That's the midden."

His uncle looked brokenly at it, "When you sweep out the fireplace they are not the only ashes that end up there, you know that. I will write down the names I know who endured such a fate, and you can decide with the Prince what must be done. Follow me, there is much that's been hidden."

Gaius didn't comment on the icy note in the wind, or that whichever way the horses faced they were riding into it. As they rode slightly faster, following the widely used road for a little way before Gaius turns of and began to guide the horse slowly along an overgrown ditch. As he tried to pay closer attention Merlin realised they weren't in a ditch at all but a track as wide as the one the had left, with many years of growth and reclamation evident, but Gaius continued without any sign of doubt about the way and so Merlin followed, until he could see a river. Usually such a place would bring him a sense of great peace.  
It was beautiful, the reeds hiding waterbirds, brambles growing haphazardly along the banks on the other side, willow branches trailing in the water a little further up, and then Merlin noticed the quiet. This was not the quiet of a secluded place, the peace of a sanctuary.

It was the quiet of the gloomy caves he hid in as a child, trying not to breathe, searching eyes making his neck prickle. The unnatural stillness of a mausoleum.

He dismounted, trying not to crush the bold living things that dared to grow in such a place. Watched Gaius get down stiffly, coming to stand next to him, noticing the nervous way the horses ears twitched as though sensing a threat. Merlin knew how they felt, there was a profound _wrongness_ in this place.

"What happened here Gaius?" He pitched his voice low, to avoid disturbing anything and the man leaned heavily on the stick he rarely used, preferring to declare he wasn't old and didn't need it.

Gaius seemed to be weary in a way that Merlin knew couldn't be healed by resting as he began,

"The same thing that happened in many places after, but it happened here first.  
A group of peaceful people had gathered, intending to leave together many had magic, some didn't. Like non magic users, in times of upheaval you get the opportunists, petty criminals, those who seek revenge, or react out of fear. People divide against one another, _turn_ against each other, begin to suspect without cause. This was a main road, and a way out of Camelot, it once ran straight on to Dyffed, and then some woman was robbed and hurt a few days before they intended to leave, not badly, but visibly.

When the group were all gathered together, a meal I think, someone else made an accusation, and an already agitated mob attacked them. It didn't take much, only a spark. When the knights got here a few tried to break it up, as they would have done before, but most followed the new orders, they supported the mob. I was there that day to treat what I could, a few people were just travelling and tried to stop it. We were too late." There was no emotion in Gaius voice as he recounted it, "It was a massacre. There were children, and some women were trying to get them across the bridge to escape, on the other side there's a marsh and the horses wouldn't go into it, so they thought it would be safe." Gaius eyes closed as he swallowed, "So they brought down the bridge. Those left couldn't save them. I don't know exactly who died here; but I knew every child who went into the river that day."

"How many?" Growled Merlin, fighting against the urge to vomit.

"Twelve that day, the older ones were weighed down by carrying younger siblings and trying to keep hold... After that… I don't know. It was _news_ then, and so the spot became known. Some mothers left my rooms weeping after coming for a 'treatment' for their child's newly developed 'affliction' that did not exist. This was a place that the youngest I knew of was 'given mercy'. It is beautiful to look at, and a fast way. No one comes here for any reason now except one. This is the uneasy truth of Camelot, where things are collectively known and concealed by those old enough to recall them, and the younger protected by abuse."

Merlin looked around him, feeling the grief of the land and shook his head, fingers sinking into the damp earth. "No, Gaius. This is an abomination."

Looking up to the edge of the trees behind them and over to the drooping limbs of the willow Merlin removed the neckerchief that kept him ever inconspicuous and began tearing it into long strips. Thirteen for each child Gaius named, and a fourteenth for those he couldn't. It made him glad that he intentionally had one big enough to use as a sling when unrolled. With an outward calm he didn't feel he began to walk to each tree to tie the bright red rag on as a marker, speaking a prayer with each until only half the strips remained. Looking over and wishing there was an easier way Merlin stripped to his breeches and waded through the polluted water to do the same on the opposite side as he tied them and spoke in the old tongue, the unnatural quiet began to change and by the time he finished managed almost a respectful hush. Returning to his uncle he found the old man crying. "No longer. No one comes here again unless it's to remember them. I _am_ Emrys, and this place is sacred. It will no longer be a place of anger and pain. It must remain a place of death until it is restored, but now it becomes a sacred glade for healing and remembrance. You, Gaius, for your part in the genocide of my kin must not come here until such time as the Old religion recognises you again. For your own safety. You will know when the Old Religion accepts you back, _if_ it accepts you back. Until then this shrine will regard you as a trespasser, we need to leave. Now."

Neither remounted as the left, instead walking as lightly as possible along a path long forgotten, Gaius tortured by memories, and Merlin turning over in his mind that he had just _voluntarily_ claimed his name, having found himself frequently reluctant or afraid. Perhaps if it meant defending the helpless that wasn't a bad thing… Perhaps his friends were right about his own defining it.

It was a full fifteen minutes before Merlin could acknowledge his uncle. "Thank you Gaius. I hate this. It's- it's horrific, the whole thing makes me feel sick, with grief and rage and… but I know it's still not easy for you to go back to these places."

Gaius answered him softly, "Perhaps not. It is long passed time that my own past caught up with me though, and those less fortunate than the few survivors were honoured once again."

Distressed, Merlin frowned, "Sometimes what first appears as good fortune or blessing can later seem like a curse. Morgana lived; and it drove her mad. Morgause lived, and her life turned her into a weapon. Balinor survived, but to what end? He lived rough, spent twenty years isolated and alone, believing his love had forgotten him, with the echoing emptiness in his own mind. You lived...and lost every friend, your magic, your religion, your kin. Everyone you ever had. You had to have known it was a matter of time until he betrayed you, and he did take you bound to the me to live in constant fear? It's all you could do, was what you lived for years, you forgot any other way, and were alone. Mum's gonna stay for a while. It will help with that, among other more practical things, and soon it won't matter if they find out, neither of you are accountable under the new laws. I never knew anything else but secrecy and hiding, I don't want to hide forever, and I need someone who _isn't_ pretending to show me how to _live_ as _me_. How to stop hiding the magic, and how to stop hiding myself. They're different things, but goddess, I'm going to be here a _long_ time Gaius, and I don't want to spend it all hidden in the dark and lying." His hand went to his throat and he pushed back the memories.

Gaius' eyes followed plainly and he shivered, "You're not hiding them." He didn't have to clarify.

The warlock's brows met, as the skies darkened a little more, "For this? No. Why would I for this? What happened then still happens now. No man should have to live ashamed because of the actions of a few people full of hate. Just because I was cut down doesn't diminish the fact that I shared their suffering, and my family as a result of harbouring me. Or that every day I survive is a small victory. I will not stand at the grave sides of those who had no one to save them and hide my own scars of the hatred Uther fathered. I _lived_ Gaius, and I owe it to _them,_ the hundreds that didn't _,_ to stop helping continue the invisibility of what horrors he and his followers created.  
I know they bother you, and I understand why. I'm not ready to lose the neckerchief, not least because it's very practical, but I won't _hide_ the evidence compulsively or keep it on in _all_ weathers anymore, it's time for the truth." He spoke honestly, it was the most candid he'd ever been about the rope marks, or ever would be with his uncle.

He paused and swallowed dryly, centring himself again, "Take me to the next one Gaius." He looked over at the man who he had such conflicting emotions about. "Please Gaius."

The old man awkwardly climbed up on his placid beast "The barren valley." He said grimly. "I don't know if we'll be able to do more than that today. Or if we _should_ try to _._ There were- and still are- so many small confrontations and attacks, many 'unconfirmed', more that _are_ certain but," The old man sighed, sounding anguished, "There were some, _I_ needed to show you, too significant, and history will mar them. Twist them." They went slowly, allowing the horses to find their own route, and Merlin began to get agitated. "Gaius, I don't know this land. Arthur has dragged me all over this kingdom in every weather, and back, we looked _everywhere_ for Morgana that year, I've studied the maps, and I _don't know_ this place."

"You wouldn't my boy, it isn't _on_ the maps. Not in truth. You think they would be willing to alter the bloodlines, histories, and lore, but leave the maps intact? No. We are close now. It is called 'barren' but they may as well call it the dead valley. No one comes here anymore. Even those that remember it… especially those who remember it. Those who did placed wards to direct others away and forget about it." Merlin felt a shiver of dread spike through him at the heartache he heard in Gaius voice, and finally the glen came into view.

Like many others it took his breath away, but for all the wrong reasons; it had never before been like this. Merlin slid from the saddle without thought or intent. From one end to the other there was nothing living. No sound, nothing green and growing, not even moss on the damp rocks when he reached out his awareness, it was empty and utterly devoid of life in a way no normal attack could achieve. Whatever had happened there, he knew the darkest magic had done this and Merlin sank to the ground and _screamed._ Rage and pain, and a sense of loss he couldn't quite account for echoed through the minds of his people like a shockwave as the sky rumbled and the clouds that had been threatening rain all day burst. Wrapped in the horror of the truth one young warlock barely noticed as hail stung his skin. Gaius knelt carefully next to him, stick by his side on the ground. "What happened Gaius." He whispered, voice hoarse, "What in the name of all Albion happened here?"

Gaius met his eyes and Merlin wished he hadn't, the wretchedness and utterly desolate look in them perfectly matching the valley below. "The death of hope Merlin. Hope died _here._ This wasn't a different kingdom, but it _was_ … different. Druids aren't the only people to use magic Merlin, and this valley was a haven, a gathering place for those with magic. Prior to his imprisonment it was home to Kilgarrah and his mate. Thousands passed through this way, the markets were a place you could get anything, but there was a clan that remained here all year round, made their home in it permanently. It was a beautiful place, full of life, and they fed that. All creatures that were not of darkness were welcomed, and it was mutually beneficial, but when people began to flee Camelot, it was an obvious place to run. Uther knew many had family here, it was a place one could study many types of magic, and only had a small number of true warriors. With resident dragons and restricted entrance, what need was there for significant human defences?"

"No" breathed Merlin.

"They-" Gaius took a deep breath, pallor like chalk, "The king sent his most loyal men, and the most effective. They drugged the guards and came quietly in the night. No one escaped. When they were sure no one was left they poisoned the land so that the refuge perished, intending that the symbol itself would wither and die too. Like the perilous lands in some ways, but this was done intentionally, purposefully, and by acts of the darkest desecration. I wasn't here. I came out once, against orders, and knew it was far too big for me even then. _This_ place of dust and ashes was my confirmation that Morgana was a Seer. As a child, she Saw _this._ After the event certainly, but she could never have been out here herself."

Gazing out at the cracked ground and dried, withered remains of once great trees, the very air seemed to carry sickness, Merlin stepped hesitantly further into the silent monument, leaving his horse at the line it couldn't seem to cross. Gaius followed, knowing then that if Merlin held him accountable for this he wouldn't fight any punishment or consequence. Scanning the scene before him, unable to look away Merlin spoke, his usually confident voice shaking with suppressed sobs.

"I forgive you. This… I forgive you for not telling me, or placing this on Arthur's conscience. You're right. Someone who could do this has lost any sense of limits. All grip on what is sane. What you did, and staying by him was not ok, it's chilling, sickening, but if the other choices were men like Aredian, or who would encourage _this…"_ Merlin swallowed back his nausea, "What was done, more than the genocide Gaius."

His old guardian looked as though he might shatter any minute, "I don't know everything, the woods that grew below us though sheltered unicorns, to spill their blood in malice would be grave indeed. The king by then possessed the blood of dragons, and many relics. There is great power in the lifeblood of creatures of magic. Taken unwilling or stolen it may be used to dark purposes. As it was the Great dragon's eyrie, I've enough suspicions of who he would abuse so. Not even creatures of darkness dare come here."

Merlin looked to where a healthy river should flow and instead a bare trickle existed and had a flash of insight. "Power in the blood. Bloodlines. Kilgarrah's home." He murmured to himself.

"Like you taught me Gaius, what source do they share. It's the water. They poisoned the water, the springs, the head-water, and every living thing left drank from the same sources. As they died, it would spread through anything remaining, poisoning the ground further. Like Nimue's plague. This is her inspiration."

He closed his eyes tightly and looked to Gaius cautiously. "Dark magic from blood taken by force. What about lifeblood offered willingly, as an offering, or a sacrifice. Many still take tools and precious things to shrines and sacred places."

Gaius shook his head in horror, "No Merlin, _no!"_

"TELL ME!" Merlin almost roared, the dragon in him rising as he looked around a place that that part of his soul vaguely recognised.

"It is an act that carries great power, but without any dark ritual or casting, no, I cannot conceive of a way it could be twisted, but Merlin, I am begging you, _don't do this_."

Merlin looked at him sombrely, "When has that ever stopped me? If you have another way then please, use it, but I can't think of one. If only magic can defeat magic, well, it's the one thing I've an abundance of." The point where the head water ought to have been was easy to find, but was almost unrecognisable as such. Merlin took out his clean knife, glad it had been replaced, and drew it across his palm, deep enough to bleed freely, but not placed so as to be dangerous. He began to widen the gap from which the water flowed, taking the surrounding blackened ground back to bare rock and stone. Freeing the way he held his hand in the water as though washing it, and as he did so began to sing one of the songs of the goddess he had learned during his rare visits to the druids. No spells, definitely no spells here, but with weeping a call to the spirits who once guarded and cared for this land to return to it again. A message, he dared hope; he spoke words of blessing, which he probably shouldn't since he wasn't a priest, but hopefully the not-humans would forgive him that technicality. When the water finally began to run clearer the sun had definitely moved, and so did he, knees aching, half convinced that a woman he should recognise sat where he had been, tending the stream. This time he was more sure of where to go towards the next place, having realised when he looked at the lay of the land without being distracted by the brokenness, why _this_ valley was chosen to settle in. Three head waters that ran together into one river. He did the same at the second, and at the third, each time cutting a new slice across his palm, each time gaining the same result. Like in Camelot he was sure it was not fully restored but it _was_ a beginning, and what flowed now, if he was right, would be fresh and nourishing. The blood and tears of Emrys were willingly offered to cleanse the place from dark and twisted magic, and the goddess seemed pleased. _If_ it wasn't just his imagination. He returned to where Gaius was sat- well, where Merlin had told him to wait having seen the state of the physician's joints earlier. He was angry, not _cruel_.

Not ready to explain, or even entirely sure how to, Merlin helped him up, taking a long drink from their water bags and offering it to Gaius, who accepted gladly. "Is there more that must be done today, or can we go." The physician's question was sincere enough to warrant an answer, but Merlin still frowned darkly. "There is _one_ thing. What happened to the bodies?"

Gaius surveyed the land, "They were left. Either where the fell, or piled, I do not know."

Merlin closed his eyes and breathed deeply, "Then you know what must be done. What I _have to do._ Where was the settlement?" Gaius pointed upwards. "On the hill. Uther's men attacked at night for good reason, they may be ancient, but a series of earth walls and ditches made it a difficult place to attack. The biggest weakness being that it isn't easy to run from quickly either should an enemy succeed in breaking through. I think this one had wooden structures within; and there was a second settlement further down that lived by the river, coming up only really for markets or when it flooded." Merlin shuddered in revulsion. "In that case It's likely those at the top are in the ditches, so I'll go where there is the best chance of finding something." Merlin found he could breathe a little easier when he saw the horses of Camelot take their first tentative steps into the valley. "Oh thank the gods, it's- well it's something." He laid a hand against Trixie calmly, "Good girl, my good, brave girl, you have _earned_ some apples when we are home so you have." She snorted as if that was obvious.

"Stay with Gaius, I have something that has to be done first.

Taking a winding path that seemed to have oddly placed rocks that once might have been steps Merlin reached the top. It allowed him to finally see the full effect on the landscape; ignoring the tears he couldn't seem to stop as was usually so easy. enter in the structure he knew what he saw was going to haunt him. The bodies were there, as he's anticipated, in the ditch, and the time that had passed was clear, but so was the violence with which they had died, some must have been awake and terrified when they died by the injuries from behind them, bloody Gaius and his anatomy lessons. Now he had to actually _understand_ what various injuries meant. He finally lost control of his stomach when he registered the size of one tiny body, that couldn't possibly have been three years yet. His immediate thought for dealing with them was to bring down the massive earth wall, but he couldn't bring himself to destroy the home they had loved. Instead steeling himself he picked up each of the remains and carried them carefully up to the front of the enclosure laying them out with respect where they would have been able to look down towards the valley below when it was green and lush. He didn't count the skulls, he couldn't, it was just 'many'. Too many. More than the one small child. They'd been families he was sure. Had there been a story that last night? Had they fought? Made love? Did they know anyone cared? Gaius made it sound as though they didn't expect an attack, it was just another night to them, until suddenly it wasn't.

Merlin looked numbly at the laid out remains for a long time, or so he concluded as he felt a familiar presence behind him. As ambivalent as he was, it was oddly comforting, "I don't know what to do Gaius. I couldn't pull down the walls and they had just been thrown in chaotically, no care or respect, nothing, not even an acknowledgement of existence given to those on the bloody midden by Camelot's walls. There's no wood for a funeral pyre. There are no rocks for a cairn. Only death."

Looking at his desolate ward Gais laid a hand gently on his ward's arm. "The clan settled near dragons, their custom was to cremate the dead. This is more dignity than they were given before. Or we could return with fuel."

A voice beside him spoke firmly. "Or you could allow us to help My Lord."

Shock ripped through him, " _Shona?"_

"Lord Emrys, not _everyone_ died that day, there was one disobedient little girl, whose mother set out to find her- always disappearing she was, though I can't say now as I've any regrets about that, it saved her, and me with her. Our home was gone of course. I'm glad she isn't here today to see what became of it, but a few men of the druid clan I'm staying with are. They felt it the call too, and were close. The littlest there are twins, Winnie and Culann. The black bead necklace is Beatha's, and my brother Bryant has the ring." Her voice was thick with emotion but clear, "The others I can't tell. It is not custom to burn more than one together, but he was a practical man and would tell you to get on with it. They've waited long enough for rest. They brought wood and oil, and Lord Emrys, you are plenty capable of summoning more." She smiled gently, "As you would have remembered had you not just completed such a gruelling task. He would be honoured to have you help with the ritual. I can do the parts you don't know… come child. Drink this, eat the bread, and you will think more clearly." It was bizarre to have someone who should by all rights be more traumatised by it than he was taking care of him. She must have seen his confusion as she placed a palm against his cheek. "Lord- no, _Merlin_ , I have known all of these things for years. I was here when they happened. That is a long time to come to terms with something. I still couldn't have done this thing." She indicated the bodies that Druids were laying oil soaked wood around. "Thank you. Whatever you did, it feels like there may be life here once again."

"I hope so."

Shaking her head her voice was warmer than his, "I do not believe you need to rely on hope alone My Lord. Whatever you did, someone is pleased enough to provide us with sage and grass, however dry it is, through the pyre." She gestured." You did something right Merlin...and now my family can rest. I will follow my daughter north at last. It has been a privilege, Lord Emrys. When I leave, this land will pass to you. Do with it what you will. My people end with me."

Merlin did as he was told. Eating, and 'sourcing' what was needed to complete their task. The woman's unexpected arrival may have completely thrown him, but she was sensible, calm, and hadn't mocked him for forgetting such a simple thing in the mental haze. _That_ he appreciated. Arthur might not have been so restrained.

It had been stupid he now realised to think he could catch up on over twenty years of witch hunting in a day. Even knowing the brutality of witchfinders, public burning; frequently finding their own home ransacked and belongings damaged or destroyed. Seeing girls being brought in in cages, cuffs, and Morgana pinned by the throat, he could never have been prepared for the height of The Purge. Not while avoiding it. Having been raised in a different kingdom, in the least noticeable place Hunith could find, it was hardly surprising.

Gaius said that Morgana _Saw_ the valley, but had the witch ever seen these places for real? Morgause had had her a long time. If it had been someone like _her_ to show _him_ these things, would he have done the same as Morgana? That he didn't have a quick answer troubled him deeply. As rash as the witch had been, she had always had compassion on those who were afraid, had protected when she could. She had trusted Arthur before, and something stopped her. Perhaps the risk just became too big when she saw what he was a small part of. It had never really made sense to Merlin that she stopped trusting _Arthur_ after Merlin poisoned her, rather than simply telling the prince and being done with it. He wasn't important to her by then, she had perfectly valid reasons to want him executed, even _he_ recognised that; unless she was being kind for Gwen's sake.

He shook his head, trying to banish the thoughts.

He wasn't like that.

Not _dark,_ or trying to heal the land would have failed, made it sicker. Was _dark_ really the same as _evil_ though. Was there ever a way to use darkness for good, or alongside light? Should they seek to destroy all darkness, or was light supposed to keep it in check, in the right amount, like night and day, summer and winter? Merlin knew how some others felt about it, but not how _he_ did anymore, and he really badly needed some counsel that wasn't Gaius- with his guilt and denial issues; or Kilgarrah with his vengeance streak and obsession with destiny. _Or Arthur_ who knew virtually nothing about most of these things.

Obviously the witch _was_ using it for evil purposes, and they couldn't allow that to spread or to continue. The hate to his love though? Was it foreshadowing, warning, sentencing or simple description in the Prophecies? Hel he hated what had been done _here_ , and to love it would be wrong, would make him _Uther.  
_ She hated Arthur, whom Merlin loved. Hated Gaius, before Merlin was conflicted about him. The _Lady_ Morgana had loved swords, when all Merlin could see of them was yet another way for men to kill and cause pain to others. All of those were simple facts. Ways they were opposed. Merlin sighed, careworn and dispirited. Ignorance was so much easier than having knowledge to try and judge such weighty matters.

Gaius watched from the side, not trying to intervene, and rather afraid of what it might do if he did, until the woman, slightly younger than himself brought over a drink. "I know why you stay back… but you did not do this. Emrys is not the only one with a destiny, and those around them often stumble into their own without ever realising it. However big or small a part we play in the great battle and keeping the balance. My brother would want you to stay back and take responsibility for your own part. His wife would wish to include and forgive you." She chuckled, "They brought balance to our home. So on their behalf I thank you for staying back and not interfering, and I forgive you for failing to save so many of us. Bringing Emrys here took courage I believe. Do not give up hope of seeing Avalon just yet old man. You may still be granted the chance to redeem yourself."

With several of them working together it didn't take long to finish building the pyre, and Merlin stood by the old woman who guided him through the parts that were unfamiliar to him. A worn hand slipped into his and he raised his hand and spoke clearly the words he'd hoped never to say again "sæbát bælfýr mæst", setting the frame alight and spreading rapidly. As the flames consumed what little was left of those who had lived here the small group watched, and Shona told them stories of what they had been like in life. Anecdotes, and the habits they had, where people met, and the times they got into trouble with spouses for something minor; someone's failed attempt to train an owl who's mother finally convinced them to adopt a specific chicken instead. It was with great reluctance that Merlin realised he could not stay until the fire fully died, but before departing he paused to ask something of the old woman, who smiled almost indulgently at him and nodded. It allowed him to leave without feeling that he was abandoning her cruelly, despite knowing her younger companions would remain until the ashes cooled. He knew he would have to return anyway to deal with the lower settlement, but if there truly was healing in the land, he would have a place for his counsel to meet while Camelot was not possible.

They had long left the valley before either Gaius or Merlin spoke. "I have not forgotten our agreement Merlin, but I believe today was...too much. For anyone. Even 'Emrys'. We are both human and have limits."

The young warlock nodded, "I need to speak to Arthur. I need to think Gaius." Merlin's eyes didn't stray from the road, and Gaius sighed, wondering if taking secrets to his grave might not have been the best decision after all.

"I can hear you thinking Gaius. I need you to be honest, leaving things screwed up like that won't allow them to heal and it is dangerous. Easier for you doesn't mean safe for others. I'm not about to turn on you, or anyone else." He rolled his eyes, voice heavy sarcasm. "We only _have_ one physician anyway, and I don't have time to train someone else, but that's not news to you. Tonight someone else needs to do rounds, I think I should avoid the castle itself as much as I can for a bit. Well, as much as I can without being suspicious and creepy."

The old man nodded and spoke gruffly, "I'll ask Hunith or one of her guards, she seems to have them in line quite nicely."

"Ask Oswald. He checks out and I don't want mum around that rabble right now. I don't trust some of Uther's counsellors, definitely not with mum, and if they recognise her or realise the connections… it may go poorly for all of us."

Gaius glanced at Merlin, tension and anger showing in every line. "You did well today Merlin, I didn't mean for… I didn't _expect_ what happened. I am proud of you, as would your father be."

Merlin swallowed hard. "A warning next time would not go amiss Gaius. Don't do that again."

"Sorry my boy, it has been so long that I sometimes forget such things, but I'll do my best… before you go anywhere do get changed though, our clothes tell quite the story, and I do not believe either of us wish to answer questions about that." Merlin grunted, loathe to agree with the old man, but knowing he was correct. "Please."

As it happened the sun had long set by the time they reach home, and Hunith had already done the rounds. Merlin requested that Arthur be taken a sleeping draught by Oswald and went straight to his quarters, stripping everything and burning the shirt to ashes instantly; answering the door with fury in his eyes when someone knocked, interrupting him. He sagged when even Gwaine took a step back holding his hands up "I can leave. If you need to be alone mate, I can leave." Merlin jerked his head in acceptance, he had no idea _what_ he wanted. "Come in. Just… don't say anything, alright?"

"I can do that. Just thought you should have the _option_ of not being alone tonight." He stepped into the room, into _Merlin's space,_ closed the door, and held out some soap with a strong, distinctive scent. "Gwaine this is _expensive."_ Physicians had cause to use and recognise many foreign substances, and this definitely was.

Gwaine shrugged, "It's unusual, non-native so you won't get random throwbacks on patrol, and it's one I don't use so the memory won't link, but it'll cover up fucking anything."

Merlin stared blankly at him and took the washbag numbly, not sure quite what to say, looking down at himself, and the charred mess on the floor. "What? But I haven't seen anyone." No one could have told him surely.

"Nooo, but there was the mini quake, and I knew what your business was earlier, and I know _you."_ Gwaine raised an eyebrow. "Not that I don't appreciate the visuals," and he smiled cheekily, "but I'm gonna go sit in the corner, and let you figure out what you _need._ Don't accidentally fry me or I'll haunt your ass for eternity." Gwaine matched his actions to words. Merlin couldn't quite explain it, but however terrible the things he'd learned and seen today were, having dreadful smelling soap shoved at him and a silent lump on his bed helped him rein in his natural responses and fury.

He didn't think he'd ever scrubbed so thoroughly in his life. Not even after Will's pyre. He heated the water to almost scalding and tried to scour away the river they'd seen, and the tear tracks and cut knuckles from his family's tomb, and every trace of the valley of death.

If he was right _that_ at least was healing. He would check later. When he finally gave up on getting any cleaner he pulled on breeches and sat down heavily next to Gwaine, feeling older and more worn than anyone so young had any business being.

"There are a great many things Gwaine… so many secrets, so much pain…" His friend placed a silent hand on his shoulder, and Merlin took a deep breath. "There is only one place I know that can offer any solace for this day. I do not know if you can walk there, but if you're willing to go as far as She will allow, I'd appreciate the company." Gwaine's fingers tightened. "As far as you want. When do we leave?"

Merlin looked down at himself and grimaced, "As soon as I find a wearable shirt."

"Figures. So where are we going then?"

Merlin through him a look over his shoulder and managed to pull up a smirk, "To the Lake of Avalon of course."

Gwaine heart thumped hard in his chest but the rest of him he was grateful, cooperated, and displayed some degree of nonchalance. "Well of course, where else?" he replied, shaking his head in wonder when Merlin bent to do his laces. It sounded like a place he really wasn't meant to go, but that did make it _so much more_ tempting to try. "I take it you don't plan on walking there tonight."

"Not this time, but Kilgarrah knows the way. There's something I really need to tell him anyway."

Merlin locked the door as he left, and walked in step with his friend from the castle.

Watching from his window as they strode out of the city gates, Arthur forced himself to admit that this once, he might, _just maybe_ , be _worried_ about his manservant.  
Possibly even _concerned_ about Merlin's well being for more than just his efficiency's sake, because it was in fact _normal_ and even advised to worry about one's _friend_ during stressful times. He'd done a great deal of admin that day, and reading, largely because of the unseasonable weather, and that did not seem to Arthur like a particularly encouraging sign.


	46. Chapter 45

**I realise the last one was pretty dark, but the subject matter actually is too, underneath the humour in the show. There's some of it in this, but I hope the fluff helps.**

"Bloody hell mate, I'm getting way too soft and used to prancing about on horses if this seems like it takes a while to get to on foot."

Merlin chuckled joylessly, "I warned you, but nooo, _you_ weren't going to go soft." He poked the man in the side.

"Oi! Big talk from the man who flies by dragon. If I trip I'm taking you down with me." Gwaine retorted.

Most of the walk was quiet as they waited to be far enough from the castle to feel safe, Well, _safer,_ he wasn't legal _yet._

Noting the growing tension and agitation of his friend, Gwaine asked carefully, "What prompted the quake this morning? I'm assuming that was you anyway, and brief as it was you had even me worried for a moment."

Merlin's hands balled into fists and Gwaine laid his lightly over one and didn't pursue it, "Ok, not far now, if I recognise my landmarks, I know that tree."

Merlin shook his head angrily, shaking with suppressed rage and grief, and ran hands through his hair, determinedly uncurling them. "Argh, it's not- I didn't, I _knew_ what today would be on an intellectual level, I just didn't _know._ Ugh, no, I didn't _understand._ I'm angry at _them_ and I'm angry at _myself._ For actions, inactions, my responses. That thing before we left Camelot, Gwaine... he showed me where the dragonlords were thrown, except Dad. Into a _pit. Dark, underground,_ wrong. It wasn't even just that though, it was that he chained up Kilgarrah in the same dark cavern, in a tomb, with the bodies of his kindred. They left him alive in a crypt for twenty years and I didn't know, didn't realise, and every time I went down there he was- and I should have… I threatened to leave him there forever. Declared that _I would_ and he'd never be free, and I meant it too. No wonder the Old religion was pissed… I didn't take the revelation well." Merlin looked away.

Gwaine nodded slowly, "Yeah. I got that. Are we still safe?" he asked, trying not to push at the sore spots, but leaving Merlin to lead. His friend grunted an affirmative. "You're safe. Most of you anyway. I uh-I collapsed the cavern under the castle. It's been there for millennia, used by dragons and dragonlords long before there was a castle. I probably shouldn't have done that, at least not without asking first, but there's only me and 'Garrah left now. He is _never_ going back there, I can't either now, knowing what I know, and no one else has the right to. It was a place specific to dragons and the dragonlords for a reason, which probably means hazardous for others; it wasn't a place that anyone should've gone alone to. Even if it _wasn't_ their final resting place, there was magic in the rock and foundations. I- it's inaccessible now, and holds quite an impressive cairn… it's the biggest I've seen... and the tunnel has a new wall."

Gwaine gave a low whistle, "Remind me not to use you for a decorator, that's some pretty radical landscaping to be doing without getting planning permission. I'm proud of you though. Camelot is still standing in spite of everything, everyone survived the day, and your people finally have the peace they deserve." He paused, watching the man just ahead of him and coming to a decision, "You were gone a long time today Merlin. I know that particular stench. When you are ready to talk, or when you want to sit in silence with another, I'm here. Others if you prefer, who care."

Merlin ran his hands through his sweat damp hair throat aching and stopping abruptly as they passed into Kilgarrah's clearing, oddly his threat felt _better_ when he roared at the heavens to summon Kilgarrah to them, and he could feel something tightly wound in his chest loosen.

"Yeah. I think _here,_ everyone does. It's not something you forget; and I'll keep it in mind. Today was a bit overwhelming even for me, and I've had some pretty shocking days Gwaine. There was a time I figured that the whole 'The dragon in the cellar knows your name' or 'You're Emrys' thing was a huge thing, and then there was the 'By the way, you're also a Dragonlord', and the first execution I had to watch, you know I've had some _really shitty_ days. Today kind of outstrips Aredian's company, and being lynched on unpleasantness factor alone so yeah. I need to organise my own thoughts first before trying to explain to anyone else-" Merlin's brain belatedly caught up with his mouth, "Shit, sorry. Yeah, live every day like it's the last 'cause it might be thing is a totally reasonable for some of us. Don't be weird about it."

Shrugging Gwaine answered, "Wasn't going to be. I kind of figured... One day there'll be a job that pays properly for folk to do that; help make sense of messed up thoughts and fucked up days, gods know they'd make a fortune in Camelot. Gap in the market that, but knights probably shouldn't be the ones to do it."

Merlin snorted, mock- horrified, "Hel no, but you'd do a better job than the witch, or anyone who hands out riddles and calls them answers. Not _you,_ never _you_ , I mean you'd just try and prescribe them stupid amounts of ale and sex, and my workload would double with treating alcohol poisoning, morning after sickness and- well, morning sickness. I don't need more _work_ in my life."

Gwaine smiled at getting some response from the man. "I'd best just stick to one or two then. Probably easiest if they're the ones you're already meant to keep alive really… How much do you reckon I should charge. Like, one mug of ale per session? A gold coin for more?"

Merlin folded his arms, "I guess it depends how good you are. I'd be expecting a bloody _amazing_ service for a full gold coin. Hadn't even _seen_ one of those before I came to the city."

Gwaine grinned, "AH! No, you see I have a theory, I've been around a bit, seen a fair few things in the five kingdoms and beyond, and it's a curious thing with gold. It turns out Merlin, that the more you have of it, the worse a person you become. Less happy, more of a dick, fewer honest friends. So you see, as long as a person had enough to see them, fed, warm, and dry, I'd be _protecting them_ by taking that extra gold on my way." Gwaine winked, in case Merlin's mind was in too much turmoil to notice automatically he wasn't serious, glad that when he didn't hesitate. "Maybe, but I couldn't possibly risk you becoming as much of a Prat as Prince Arthur was. Nope. Just too risky Gwaine, you'll have to stay poor and desperately begging our favour instead."

The knight sighed dramatically, "Darn, you saw through my nefarious plans."

Merlin looked sidelong at the knight with one eyebrow raised, "Nefarious? Really Gwaine?"  
"Shameful?"  
"You have no shame." but Merlin smiled affectionately.

"No flies on you mate. Fine. Poor and remaining a decent human it is, you happy? Spoiling all my dreams of ruby encrusted wine goblets and- and-"

Merlin nudged him, "Shut up Gwaine." He brushed their knuckles together, still rather hesitant about non-violent contact. "And thank you."

Kilgarrah landed before them and made no comment, though given he had a mental link to Merlin, Gwaine suspected there was little need for any. Merlin stepped towards the great dragon silently and placed his forehead against Kilgarrah's huge one the knight stayed back as words not meant for him were exchanged. After hearing what he was sure was a fraction of it, Gwaine wondered why the Great dragon hadn't razed Camelot. He'd seen the damage, and the death toll, which were terrible, but as ancient as Kilgarrah was, as _massive_ a creature, he could have done _far_ worse, with less effort. Which as far as Gwaine could conclude meant he hadn't actually _intended_ to destroy Camelot and its inhabitants. He wanted something specific. The younger ones in the city though had no idea that dragons were self aware, or intelligent, let alone could speak or grieve.

Merlin had mentioned the dragonlords when he explained collapsing the cavern, but not the dragons, and Gwaine wasn't sure how long it might be before he wondered about that; he'd considered it himself, and any answer was grim. That was for another time though, and was _not_ why they were out tonight.

Merlin listened to the steady hum of Kilgarrah's mind against his own, and let the potent, pure magic surround him, soothing and _good_ , and so wonderfully different to anything he had contact with today. It washed away the pain and poison in a way that no bath ever could, not matter _what_ one used. "Thank you old friend. I am sorry it took me so long."

Kilgarrah nudged his Lord and smiled toothily, "No, we were too early, you are ready to accept it now, already _have_ accepted who you are, the difference is rather easy to see- to Us at least. You are returning magic to the land indeed. Perhaps your healing skills are simply designed better for non humans.

I felt it earlier, the prison, and the abomination, we all felt _that._ It _will_ heal Merlin, you saw it begin, and what was once my home passes to you; things are waking up now, there are whispers even among the trees of Albion that the time is almost here. I believe you are ready, young warlock, to _become_ the Emrys you were always meant to be. Remember Merlin, it is right to grieve and to mourn, but do not give in to despair, or hopelessness."

His defences already dropped Merlin leaned into the great dragon and whispered,"You know where I want to go Kilgarrah."

"I know young warlock. Do you wish to attempt to bring the other? He is not the one I expected to see tonight."

Merlin winced, mumbling "He's not really the one I expected to bring… Yeah. I asked, I'd like to try. He sort of knows the reason _I_ can go and come back already." Kilgarrah looked doubtfully at the knight beside him and back to Merlin, seeming to reconsider his response. "If it causes harm to him Young warlock-"

Merlin nodded seriously, understanding the risk and considering the possible perils. "It'll be my fault. I know." He smiled cheerlessly. "If we get close and you start going in circles, we'll drop him off to wait, he brought something sharp and shiny."

"So did I Merlin." Kilgarrah's lip curled back.

"Great, you can guard him if this goes wrong, it's not like I can't find the place. Gwaine!" He called over his shoulder, and the man appeared by his side,

"We going yet?" he asked casually, and the Great Dragon huffed sulkily.

"'Yet', Always so impatient, no appreciation for precision! Yes we are, hold on. This will not be as slow and sedate as your first flight, Sir Gwaine."

Merlin swung up easily. "Behind me Gwaine, hold on and _don't_ let go!"

"Wasn't gonna!" Muttered his friend, apparently not quietly enough for Kilgarrah's sharp ears to miss, judging by his amused rumble, and followed the instructions. He was barely settled when the creature launched them into the air. This time there was no going slow, nor was there any of the acrobatics or what Gwaine had concluded was considered by Merlin as 'playing', only speed and efficiency. The difference was striking, and made him appreciate all the more the gentleness he'd been shown first time, not a sentiment he was over familiar with himself.

The dragon carrying them slowed just as suddenly, seeming to be slightly puzzled for direction, and Gwaine grabbed for Merlin as they jolted. As he did so Kilgarrah seemed to remember and glided smoothly down into the most beautiful place Gwaine had ever seen, a crystal clear lake, lying at the foot of mountains he was sure weren't in Camelot before, trees surrounded it and provided a full windbreak. A thin mist should have made it cold, but he couldn't discern any difference in temperature here, if anything it seemed slightly _warmer,_ just mysterious.

He _was_ surprised to see that there was someone waiting to greet them, as though Merlin was already anticipated, despite the fact he himself hadn't been planning to visit that night before. At least he hadn't disintegrated or burst into flames, or turned to stone, or- well, he was sure there plenty of other options for turning up uninvited on sacred ground that legend said was only for immortals and dead men, and he _really_ hoped the second option didn't apply to him yet.

Freya smiled at them both, waiting serenely at the water's edge as small waves lapped around her bare feet, the moonlight reflecting off a loose dress that flowed and rippled in the moonlight. It didn't seem completely human in construction to Gwaine, the way the light reflected giving the illusion of a glowing white halo around her.

He would have thought it magic but for the colour being wrong, an odd white-silver rather than usual gold. It complimented Merlin's gold nicely though he thought idly.

She appeared to be wearing a simple crown with dewdrops and pearls where precious stones or metal might otherwise be. Gwaine bowed. He didn't bow to nobles or arrogant princlings, but he got the feeling that this woman truly was something else. More importantly, she clearly mattered to Merlin a great deal, or they wouldn't be here.

"Welcome, Merlin. It has been too long." She reached for his hand, and he remembered the last time he had been here, feeling just as broken, as wretched, and finally recognised the difference. Then he came not only for comfort or solace, but from sheer desperation and a lack of _anyone_ else he could go to, it wasn't a _choice;_ and that changed _everything_.

This time he was grieving, and in pain, but no longer alone, no longer torn and rejecting _himself_ the same way. This time he would not have to leave the peace of Avalon to return to a cold bed and a life of shadows and being unknown except as a fraction of himself.

He hadn't really expected Gwaine to be able to join him, or if he _did_ to see Freya, what that might mean left him feeling rather unsettled, and yet hopeful, because the man would have to have come willingly.

"It has Freya, I have missed you, so many things have happened, good and bad."

She smiled sadly, "But you are here tonight Merlin, I felt your pain earlier. All linked to The Magic did. I am sorry my love, and you are welcome as always. I am sorry that I can come only rarely when you do, but we all have our duties, I always _know_ when you are here." She gave has hand a squeeze and nodded towards Gwaine, who was watching intrigued, with a twinkle in her eyes.

"You may approach." He was oddly compelled to obey, and lost his voice, "You are the one who has been caring for my Merlin are you not? For all his grief and pain tonight, he is more accepting of who he is. Less afraid… and I must say slightly improved on the last time I saw him when he had begun to look unnervingly waif like, if waifs were dragged backwards through woods for a bit… and didn't sleep. Thank you Sir Gwaine. I am glad that someone is there when I cannot be." She spoke gently, "I am the Lady of the Lake. We are not competition. I am an anchor for him, and more, for an age, but can never _join_ him as once we planned. I neither resent nor envy you. Strength and Guardian are both needed for Emrys to succeed and _he_ must be whole for Courage to triumph."

Gwaine thought back to the dragon, "And 'Courage' is Arthur?"

"Indeed, young one." Freya sounded pleased with his understanding.

The knight raised an eyebrow, "From what Merlin tells me I am easily older than you, my Lady."

She smiled, "Ah, and the flattery and charm returns to you. Alas, no. You misunderstand. I am _The_ Lady of the Lake of Avalon. I have existed in many forms from the first time water was gathered here, and will exist as long as it does. Perhaps even longer, Avalon itself does not depend on the physical water here and time passes differently there. The lady is 'we', not 'she'. _I_ was Freya, but all those before me are now _also_ me. We are a part of the greater whole. Existing on the borders of two worlds. We cannot be less. As Emrys cannot be less. Even if he wished to, it is the raw core of Merlin's spirit, not separate. They are one. It is… hard… to explain to a mortal. I do not think you can understand, you lack even the tenses in your language to do so fluently." Gwaine frowned at that, "It is not a fault, Strength, only an observation. You try to, for his sake. That is good, I approve."

Gwaine's eyebrows rose further, "Really, My Lady?" He cocked his head, "What would have happened had you _not_ approved?" He asked curiously.

The lady laughed lightly, "Why Sir Gwaine, this is _my_ lake, you walk where no mortal man has tread before, indeed none have left my presence before, none have dared. Only Emrys' care protects you even now. If I had not approved you would not have left this place. Obviously."

Gwaine watched her intently as she walked towards Merlin, who smiled easily and leaned down to kiss the woman who was also gatekeeper to the next world and didn't doubt her words, wondering when this had become his reality.

He was fairly sure that Merlin had known that when he offered to bring Gwaine, and they _would_ be having words about _that._

"Don't scare the man Freya, I needed a friend, I have done for a long time."

The spirit-woman chuckled, placing her palms on his chest. "Yes love, you have. I am glad to see you find one, and you know there is only one way you could bring a mortal here. You have my blessing, if you ever wanted it. He's very pretty. I'd be happy to look after him for you." She winked at Merlin coyly, "Not yet Freya, I hope not for a long time, but when that time _does_ come, _don't_ call him pretty? His ego is quite big enough."

"Oho! The Lady may call me whatever she likes Merlin, I would answer her call gladly." Gwaine said clearly. "So would anyone, which you ought to be more wary of you imprudent git." Merlin huffed.

"Probably." Gwaine grinned lazily.

"So I don't have to warn him about not listening to mermaids then?" Freya asked rhetorically, looking at Merlin, who rolled his eyes and turned to Gwaine, "Gwaine, what did we say about trusting the pretty ladies and handsome men?"

Gwaine smirked, "Tomorrow's problems, not tonights?"

Merlin clipped his ear, "No."

"Gotta pay the piper?"

Merlin couldn't keep a straight face then, the bubble that the lake existed in keeping the rest of reality from weighing down on them in all its fullness for a precious few hours. "No, you ass, and I'd better not catch you _paying_ anyone for their piping." He raised an eyebrow to rival Gaius, and realised it had been some days since he'd seen the look directed at him the way it used to be on practically an hourly basis. He didn't want to never again see the old man send him one with an acid comment or nag they both knew he'd ignore, but thinking of _him_ brought back memories he was trying desperately not to focus on, the crushed man of earlier, what he'd done- what they'd _all_ done. His mind betrayed him as the tiny broken bodies flashed through his mind, and finally he crumpled. Intentionally ensuring it was where only his most trusted could see. Except Arthur. Who needed him unbroken… and a _complete_ report.

He would speak to Arthur when he could use words for it, for now just accepting the comfort of Freya's arms around him. Freya who was beginning to get frustrated at the obliviousness of some men as she waved one hand madly to invite Strength to come and do his damn job until finally he got that he was also invited to the hug. Really, she thought, Merlin was right, knights were _idiots_ , although he still wasn't exactly the best person to criticise that, being only slightly less of an idiot himself. There should be some kind of signal system that _everyone_ could recognise, a sort of sign _language._ How long would it take for them to figure _that_ one out on their own she wondered. Not something she would waste her efforts on, because really, she wasn't supposed to interfere even this much. Something about allowing things to unfold on their own and not meddling, but she never was very good at paying attention to lectures and letting things go. She'd leave Fate alone and not tweak Destiny, but the bits in between were OK surely. Otherwise it would be a very long eternity.  
Destiny was all about the big picture, and Fate seemed to forget the journey completely, and _both_ missed all the minor details of the story. She was still close enough to her human experience to both be described by one guardian as 'hasty' and a bit of a romantic.

Gwaine wrapped strong arms around them both and tried to silently indicate his thanks to Freya, finding himself effectively holding up his friend, and his lovely sort-of-but-not-exactly-lover on the shores of the lake she was bound to. Guiding both carefully to their knees on the beach neither hushed him, or told him no man was worth tears this time, or to be careful about the anger that made the air around them crackle and Gwaine hair stand on end as happened to some people before a storm. There were no _full_ explanations, but the handful of half-explanations, half confessions, were more than sufficient to put together enough of a picture to understand, and Gwaine held them tighter, making soothing sounds and letting his friend's sobs quieten on their own. He was worried enough to try and silently check with the Lady over Merlin's shoulder, but she didn't seem to be particularly concerned, simply present and calm. Briefly he heard her in his mind without warning, _"This place is not fully a part of your world, it is safe, he cannot cause much accidental damage in it from here, the power of the Lady, and of Avalon will not allow it. He knows this. This much energy discharged elsewhere might be- shall we say 'less safe'?"_ She raised a brow at him. Knowing she was still in his head he attempted thinking at her, though he knew he definitely didn't have the gift some druids did the ones he'd met were still only human. _"You seem calm and surprisingly non-distressed about this."_

Her clear eyes flickered to his own, not seeming to anticipate a response but willing to answer him, _"I already knew. I have spoken with the spirits of some of those lost to him. His discoveries are not news to me, however sad. One may care without sharing the same reactions Sir Gwaine. It is a beautifully human trait."_

He nodded, understanding. While Merlin's feelings were raw, old wounds torn open, and intensely personal, The Lady had some sort of closure and understanding, and had known for years.

As Merlin's emotional outpouring seemed to come to a natural end he scrubbed at his face angrily, as though ashamed that he'd been seen grieving, and Gwaine gently caught his hand, as Freya handed him an oddly shimmery handkerchief that he took with a broken chuckle, "What's the point in wearing this if people hand me these when it's useful."

Freya smiled sadly, "I think the answer depends on whether you ask as Merlin or as Emrys, and only you can decide that love."

"What do you think the answer should be Milady?" He managed.

Her smile lost a little of the melancholy. "I think they are less different than you once thought, don't you?" He gulped and nodded slowly, "Thank you Freya."

She shook her head in fond exasperation, "My Merlin, you need not thank me, but my time is up this night." She cast an eye up at the moon. "It is not a night I can remain as long as I may wish."

Merlin brushed a kiss to her lips and nodded as though a hidden message had been exchanged between them, and The Lady turned to Gwaine and pressed one briefly to his forehead. "Goodbye Sir Gwaine, until we meet again on the other shore, pretty one." She winked at him and walked silently across the surface of the lake before seeming to slip beneath the waves as though she had never been there at all, dissipating as the mist did.

Merlin stared for a long moment at where she had been and turned to Gwaine, an odd mix of nervousness and resolve in his eyes, swallowing hard, he removed the blue neckerchief and tilted his head back to show the one mark he still hid. Gwaine opened his mouth to say something flippant and shut it again when he remembered the intensity and nerves. Instead placing a hand carefully on Merlin's jaw and properly inspecting the scars he'd kept hidden the longest; because if he couldn't deal with the reality of _those_ then he definitely couldn't deal with the reality of Merlin. He wasn't fool enough to believe it would be the last time someone tried to kill the warlock. Especially once people started to make connections.

"Looks sore." Merlin snorted and resumed a natural position "Yeah, you could say that."

"What happened?" Gwaine tried to keep his voice undemanding, knowing that when Arthur saw it, his immediate response would be to demand a full explanation. Probably angrily or while making threats of violence and retribution.

Merlin shrugged, "I got careless. Fortunately those passing didn't have the time necessary to set a pyre for some stupid teenager, and it wasn't one of the neighbours. So, with them being travellers, someone had extra rope with them, which was far more practical. There were too many in the group to take on safely. Will thought I survived by some miracle, but it never quite made sense, I often spent time away when chores were done, so they wouldn't have looked for a while. Either way, it was him and mum that got me back to normal that time, but folk got suspicious again when I recovered way too fast. I was careful after that. Eventually the only sensible thing was to leave though. I left Mum's house untorchable after the first couple of times. Safest damn hut that side of the river, ours was." Merlin smiled. "Had been since I was twelve and figured out if I could make soaked things burn, there'd be a way to make dry things _not_ burn. Probably needs an upgrade by now. "

Gwaine chuckled in response to the smug look of reminiscence and Merlin felt himself relax. "So. Next time I take it off you can not stare and won't be stuck wondering, yeah? I think one overprotective knight at a time is enough to manage."

Gwaine leaned back, glancing out to the lake and cautiously back to Merlin. "Do you think you might manage to stretch to two? See I know this other guy who gets _reeeeally_ protective about his servant. He's a good Knight; has some issues with possessiveness, but I suppose that's the downside of princesses. I'm just not sure I can commit to not being protective of the warlock who serves him. I won't make a promise I can't keep."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Well, I already knew you were a commitment phobe. I could compromise I guess, as long as you are better at sharing your toys than he is."

Gwaine shrugged, "I always knew what I was getting into with that pair. They kind of come as a package deal. Two for one's not bad value you know." He really had, long before he'd _noticed_ Merlin. From the very first time they had met it had always been 'Merlin and Arthur', neither of them alone. Even the first tavern fight had been borne of their dynamic- and of course Merlin running his mouth, though his apparent overconfidence now made more sense.

Merlin looked at him keenly, "Not many would see it that way. Destiny is kind of permanent. I can't stop. If it comes down to making a choice about who to save, I don't get one, it's always going to be him." Merlin frowned slightly, expecting Gwaine to realise his mistake and retreat. Instead

Gwaine smirked back at him, confident enough of where this was going to tease, "Just means you can't run away for good, and the bitch likes Arthur more'n me anyway; and yes, I get that it means getting between you two and throwing some immature hissyfit would most likely be deadly. I'm not about to. A large part of my job description is keeping my king alive at all costs. So is yours. Same thing, different weapons… and I don't fancy being fired for incompetence."

The warlock suddenly frowned as something struck him, "...did you know Arthur plans to make me his queen?" he asked.

Rolling his eyes Gwaine's amusement was clear, "Aw, that's mean. Princess is an idiot, but not _that_ much of an idiot…. He's been planning to make you his _King."_ Gwaine had to laugh at the look of shocked outrage on Merlin's face, _"You knew?"_

"Of course I knew you idiot. You'd look terrible in a dress. Don't have the ears for it."

Merlin threw him in the lake and laughed as he came up spluttering, and dripping, "Bloody hell that's cold!"

"Yep." Merlin smirked

"Oh, you've swam here before! Is that even allowed?"

"Yes. It's a helluva shock to the system, especially to someone with magic, and I don't know. I seem to be an exception to a lot of Rules." He shivered in sympathy, and in memory.

Finding his feet again Gwaine held his arms away from his body, "I don't suppose you can warm it up a bit, you could get frostbite in some very bad places."

"I'm too scared to try. Just in case it's set to the temperature Freya likes. Rumour is that women Remember things; I'm not about to pick an argument with a girl who is immortal and may or may not be in charge of the afterlife of my friends."

"Fair point. That's a long time to wish you hadn't turned the heat up." Gwaine made his way out with a great deal of squelching and false girning, sitting down and hugging Merlin as soggily as he could.

"Gwaine… I don't want to be king. You couldn't have warned me?"

"What, so you could leg it? _That_ would have gone over just brilliantly with Princess. I kind of thought you knew." The knight studied Merlin and seemed to reach a conclusion, "In all the prophecies and myths and things there's the Once and Future King _,_ whatever that means, and Emrys. I've never heard anything about a Once and Future _Queen_. You already hold equal rank what with an entire People looking to you, and High priest alone would be equivalent to King of the Old religion in this world, same as the High priestess holds the status of a Queen outside the borders. So in some ways Morgana really thinks Camelot is just another part of her queendom that's being misruled. Essentially two overlapping kingdoms, with one not realising the other even exists, which Arthur still doesn't understand, but he grasps it more naturally than you do without having to think in circles.

With no High priest king-man there's no equal-opposite to refute it with her reasonably. Plus, you're the closest thing to a rival through Igraine, so if he makes you a co-regent voluntarily, then the factions can't divide so quickly and organise. Cuts off their pre-formed plans. He needs a queen consort, and _you_ need him to have one for your own sanity, and my continued survival on the training field. He's a decent man, I'll give him that, and he'll make a better king, but he's still just a man. So, you pair don't do the wedding and tournament favours thing, but rule together with openly equal authority. Your consorts would naturally slip into the positions of advisors, but without any actual power to pass laws or start conquests. I'd bet my arse that Geoffrey's tweaked some sub-heading or obscure law to ensure that Camelot may be ruled by two co-regents, rather than necessarily a king and a queen. Seems the sort to do it and have back up plans. Or just to defy the king in a subtle way on another point they disagree on, though if Uther knew he might have used it to set Morgana up. Not that _either_ of his kids can share anything."

Merlin groaned, "There's got to be another way. A better way. I'd hate it."

Gwaine watched him, "Sure, there's _always_ another way, or a better way, but you have time constraints, and power hungry vipers in the nest- sorry, council chamber- and you might hate being a king, but you'd hate serving a queen with an attitude problem who displaced you more. Even if you liked them as a person. The Knights-for-Merthur lot mostly figured he'd take a proper Queen for appearances, and you'd be his real mistress or consort, but I'm going to lose coin anyway because they'll never believe him making you regent and fucking someone else."

Merlin snorted and rolled his eyes, "Nice, Gwaine. Very _noble_ of you." but then he shook his head thoughtfully, "How are you ok with all...this?"

"Hey, have you _seen_ me?" Gwaine spread his arms in jest, "Anything else is extra. Doesn't hurt that you're both gorgeous mind, and a bit mad. I don't need the fairytale romance. Or all your attention. Honestly Merlin, both of you have had so few actual _choices_ in life, I figure any you do make ought to be respected, and any you _don't_ make aren't things you have control over, so judging wouldn't make any sense even if I _was_ one to judge. I'm not the man to take on Destiny alone, seems like asking for pain. She seems not to have left you pair much wriggle room. To the point of ensuring you wouldn't leave him, and making any distraction extremely difficult."

Merlin smiled quietly, "Oh I can wriggle very well in a surprisingly small space, but I think she might just once have blinked and looked away, either that or one of the other powers with a romantic streak decided _some_ of my story should be happy."

Gwaine laced his fingers through Merlin's and looked down at them, "Remind me to thank them some time. You think they'll expect some sort of offering, or serenade?"

Merlin frowned, "I suppose. Wine seems pretty standard, mead maybe. Definitely not songs. If _you_ do that you'll be smited. Smote. Smitten. That thing. If she doesn't, I _definitely will."_

Gwaine drew back in exaggerated offense, "Ouch. Is this standard threatening behaviour from a warlock, it seems unequal."  
Merlin snorted at his theatrics, "Of course not. _Standard_ is being given a _warning_ Gwaine, before the behaviour. You're my friend. I only threaten my friends- far more than I would anyone else. It means you're special, they routinely beat me with blunt objects and aim sharp ones at me, it seems more than fair."  
His brows lifted, "Well that's alright then. But Merlin, do you think you could make me _a little less_ wet. There's not much dark left, and Kilgarrah can't get you back while the sun rises, and I really don't want blisters on my arse from dragon riding in sodden clothes."

"Wasn't it you who laughed at Arthur mocking my complaints of sore backsides from horse riding?"

"Well yeah, of course, but only because you were unfairly blaming the poor horse." Gwaine's lips twitched at the memory.

"You will pay for that Gwaine. I don't want to be punished by having to listen to your loud complaining about a blistered arse though so fine, have it your way." Merlin held his hand steady and concentrated on not accidentally setting anything on fire, it was a delicate balance, and he'd been around enough burnings to last him a lifetime- even one as long as his.

Kilgarrah was waiting for them and looked mildly shocked when the two men emerged from the fine mist that shrouded Avalon itself from the notice of mortals hand in hand. "You have both returned." Merlin shot a warning look at the dragon who snorted at them, "The dawn draws near. You feel more balanced young warlock, the night was not wasted then."

Merlin shook his head speaking seriously, "It was not. Thank you Kilgarrah. You've more than likely just saved several lives, though they may not realise it. We have a need for speed my friend. You first Gwaine."

Kilgarrah turned and looked the man in the eye, "You do recall our conversation I trust, Sir knight."

Gwaine winced internally, of all protective relatives Merlin _had_ to have this one. "Perfectly Kilgarrah."

"Good."

Merlin rolled his eyes at the pair and swung up between them "You both look utterly stupid you know, Kilgarrah, you know I won't break- well, I won't break again." Merlin blushed at Gwaine's raised eyebrow after being present. "Gwaine, this can't be the first warning you've had, and you literally just walked _out_ of the mist, 'Garrah won't touch you." Kilgarrah growled as though willing to disprove Merlin's theory, "Shut it. Now let's show him how fast you can _really_ go."

Gwaine's heart was racing and his hands trembling when they were dropped in the usual clearing, so he missed the goodbye between dragon and dragonlord. "Bloody hell Merlin, that- you are crazy. You know that, right? You are a completely mad bastard." He yelled at his friend.

"Maybe. Probably. But I'm a non-evil mad bastard of a warlock, so you're pretty damn lucky."

"That I am." agreed Gwaine. The sky was grey as they walked towards Camelot. Merlin beginning to slide back into his 'usual' day job persona. "How do you do it, Merlin? The servant and smiling, and _this_ at the same time." Gwaine spoke gently as he watched it happen.

Merlin seemed to consider the question, "I think I've just had a lot of practice at balancing things, managing to join different sides of myself together but keep them separate. It's not really a skill, just what I _had_ to do, and mum helped me to learn to do it properly. I mean, when I was little- _really_ little, there was field Merlin who couldn't touch seeds until I could keep the magic in and there was home- Merlin who accidentally lit the fire and floated things. I think now if I'd been able to let a steady stream go when it itched then fewer things would've exploded. I could laugh even when I was scared of the visitors, look frightened of things that were friends there's probably a shorter word for when the inside and outside doesn't match. Then when I came here there was Merlin in Gaius quarters where the magic was hidden but accepted. Even encouraged at times, and ok to discuss honestly. Then there was outside servant Merlin with the castle staff, and Arthur's Merlin, neither of which can ever mention, react to, or be seen using magic, while still _actually_ using it properly. Same thing everyone does, just more extreme."

"And the emotional toll? You'd been to that lake before to know it's a safe place for you to be..uh… emotional." Gwaine carefully watched Merlin's expression.

Merlin sighed and looked away, "Immense. There were few times that something was deeply wrong that I could have spoken to anyone though, it wasn't so much a choice as pragmatic. I understand Arthur that way. We deal differently, but every choice and responsibility ultimately weighs on _us_ , and until recently that meant _me._ To both of us. I don't know how I'm going to explain all of this to him, you can't be there though, not for _this_. After though. Definitely after. Or Percy. Probably one for each of us. Otherwise Uther's a dead man." Merlin looked back to him grimly. "I still want to end the man. I won't. Arthur could, and will want to, but he must not. He cannot come to the throne by killing his father in a rage. No matter how much the man deserves it. Morgana would take the throne by blood and fire, so _he_ must be different and take it in calm and composure." Merlin took a deep breath. "Long game Gwaine, eyes on what's at stake, not vengeance, it will be worth it in the end. Between you and the others though, for his own sake if nothing else, keep that waste of breath locked in his chambers until told otherwise."  
Gwaine nodded seriously, "Aye. Alright. When's the last time you slept?" Merlin frowned, "Not long, I've only been up since dawn yesterday."

"That's not too bad for _you_ I suppose. Have something to eat when we get in, and try to grab some tonight, ok? Three days without and I'll report you to princess."

Merlin squeezed his hand in silent reassurance. "Can you try and look in on Gaius and Mum if I can't until tonight. It- He had a rough day yesterday and then I vanished, and I'm not really ready to face him again yet. Definitely not before Arthur. If he asks, I'm fine."

"Oh, and I'm sure the physician of decades of experience will totally believe 'I'm fine'." Gwaine rolled his eyes, sounding disgusted.

Merlin grimaced, "He won't push and he'll know I actually told you to say something to him, it's not about believing the words, it's about understanding them. Welcome to Camelot." He said, scowling.

"I'll check on them." The road was quiet as they snuck back into the city, the apparent normalcy was oddly jarring after all that had happened and been uncovered, but it was a relief to both of them not to be stopped or questioned on their way. There was just enough time to wash and eat before at least one of them would need to be going to work, and the knights would have early training.

Gwaine saw Merlin to his door deciding it was much kinder in case of his running into anyone unexpected, leaving him with a quick kiss, and stumbled rather blearily into his own rooms, hoping he wouldn't pay too badly later for staying out all night. _Hoping_ that the others were asleep or preoccupied enough not to notice him returning.


	47. Chapter 47

Gwaine looked at Lancelot quirking a brow upwards at his respectful greeting, "Have you two met?" He asked.

"No. Have you?"

"Nope, doesn't ring a bell, though I may have been drunk. Still, I highly doubt it's us he's here to see _us_ Lance, don't you?"

Lancelot looked up a Gwaine and remembered something. Keep one eye on the other knight as he turned to someone who was very definitely not supposed to be on the training fields or Camelot. "No, I rather suspect he isn't. What in the world made you come _here_ of all places?"

The creature fidgeted, "I am only authorised to speak with Emrys, Sirs." Lancelot nodded to himself, "You are in the wrong place. Emrys is unavailable right now."

"I- It really cannot wait Sirs, I _must_ see Emrys. This is where he is most often sensed at such a time after dawn." Lancelot's brows drew downward, "Sensed?"

"I really am _not permitted_ to discuss anything with you, he _will_ want to know this."

Gwaine frowned and let his voice drop an octave as he leaned forward. "The thing is mate, we're not taking you anywhere _near_ Emrys until we know you don't mean him any ill. Now you look like you'll understand, so I should only have to say this once, but I walked _out_ of the mist with him, so if you've any intention of seeing him I'm gonna need _much_ a better reason than someone anonymous knows he comes here."

The creatures eyes widened and he gulped, _"Really?_ I thought that… right. I suppose if it must be done you may remain and ensure I do him no harm if you will take me to him."

Lancelot spoke before Gwaine could do anything stupid, "You can't possibly walk through the city looking like that. Even they would notice, we can cover some things, but I doubt even _Merlin_ could convince them you are not green." The man looked down at himself in surprise. "Yes. And far from where I should be. You are brown and… Metally? Are those _scales?_ You are not supposed to be scaly."

Gwaine chuckled. "He's got you there Lance. You should not be scaled. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that Mr Green is in fact not _entirely_ human. If he can turn up this close to the castle without anyone seeming to notice, I doubt going unnoticed a little further is impossible."

The green thing shifted uncomfortably. "If Emrys could come out that really would be better than walking over rock cut from its bed."

Gwaine sighed. "Lancelot has a history of guarding Emrys from harm. Don't look shocked Lance, I will go very carefully and see what is possible at this moment."

The man's age was impossible to guess but he seemed rather twitchy, "It really is important. You'll tell him it is _important_ won't you?"

Gwaine looked at him standing there nervously, surrounded by Knights he believed would kill him. He nodded slowly. "I imagine it would have to be for you to come here."

Lancelot agreed, "Usually you lot wait for nightfall, or when he goes out to the woods to seek him out."

"Don't go anywhere."

Gwaine cursed fluently and jogged towards the castle, not wishing to signal alarm to anyone but understanding that whatever it was required Merlin and not a go between.

As he got closer to the prince's Chambers he could hear crashes, things smashing, no voices, but he knew what was going on, what Merlin had to tell the Prince and was loathe to interrupt. On the other hand he had something obviously magical in the middle of Camelot, who would only speak to Emrys.

Setting his jaw and fully expecting to be met by a left hook from Arthur, he knocked, and waited as it fell silent. He could discern no voices inside, but any guard would know if aid was needed. Or maybe Merlin was just upset enough to leak through the ward. He did not know. Just as he began to wonder if they would leave him standing there the door opened. Merlin's eyes darkened until the Knight turned to Arthur respectfully, "I am sorry to disturb you sire, but there is someone here insisting they speak with 'Emrys' urgently. We encouraged him to wait but he is in some distress and more obviously _foreign_ than the previous ones. I would not interrupt for anything less but ah, he is green. And next to the training fields. With Lancelot, who he refuses to speak to." He kept his voice calm and respectful, genuinely regretful to have to interrupt them.

Merlin looked furious but managed to control himself and calm down, dragging a hand over his face. "If he is risking coming here in daylight it will be serious. Tell him I am bringing the King. The true King. We will speak with him, but he must be plain, I have no time for games and riddles today."

Gwaine nodded sharply and sped back through the castle ahead of them. Merlin groaned and grabbed the back of Arthur's neck to help ground him, ground them _both_ really.

"We're not done. This isn't over. We are _not_ too fucking late, so don't you _dare_ bail on me after doing so much. Insane as it is for _me to_ be saying to _you;_ Don't kill your father. I can't explain why exactly but it can't come from you and it can't come from magic. On the plus side, there is no shortage of people trying to off Uther, so this time, I simply won't stop them for your sake. Alright?"

Arthur ignored the contact, proving to Merlin that he needed it. Otherwise he'd have shrugged the hand off impatiently.

"I'm not going to, idiot. Which of the knights can you trust not to let me in to see father, or my father _out?"_

Merlin frowned, "Gwaine I think, Lancelot if you explain why. He follows orders- yours religiously- but appreciates strategy, Leon would need an explanation but is possible. Percival lost his wife and child to the Purge, he'd do it for _you_ but I think it would be cruel, no one gets past him though. I don't know Elyan well enough to judge. It might depend on how he feels about his father, though I _think_ he'd do whatever you asked of him. Sir Gareth is young, and desperate to impress _you,_ the Catha are loyal to you through me and no one is getting past them, but it would be cruel to ask them. The ones he has should be ok for now, as long as _you_ have one of them on you, and me. Gwaine, Lancelot, and I aren't going to let you become some kind of kingslayer. Let's find out what greenman wants first, if you down mind? I can fix... _this..._ later." He waved a hand around the prince's chambers and the scene of wanton destruction that Gwaine had glimpsed. Merlin was fairly sure there was nothing breakable left intact, but they might have missed something by some miracle. He warded the door and they set off.

"Merlin?"  
"Yes Arthur?" His servant answered frustratingly mildly. Disconcerting since this time Arthur had seen firsthand the way Merlin shut down that and moved smoothly into the insolent servant shape.  
"What sort of thing is green?"

Arthur was not reassured by his manservant's rather blank look and shrug, "No idea. I've seen blue things, mud things, pink things, undead things, and a swathe of chimeric beasts. Never met anything sentient and green though, that's a new one on me."

Arthur's growled out "Perfect. Just bloody perfect. They'd better not have turned up to throw off the very careful process we're working on. Any reports or scribing this requires is on you."  
"Aren't they always, sire?"

No one approached them, or made eye contact with either man the whole way down, so Merlin guessed that their frames of minds was easily apparent.

When they did arrive Sirs Lancelot and Gwaine were trying to shield someone from view, though none of the others seemed to be aware of it. Arthur tensed at the long groan of his manservant at his side on seeing the.. Whatever it was. "Oh Goddess. What are you doing _here_ of all places? Seriously _what were you thinking?_ She couldn't have just, I don't know, sent a raven or something?!" Then the exasperated sigh of a long suffering servant was heard and a softly growled, "You couldn't have just warned me last night, nooo, that's just too easy."

The one Gwaine described as a visitor had bowed deeply to both of them as Arthur and Merlin arrived, and Merlin really had no idea how to react to that with actual witnesses

"Arthur, meet one of the Aos sí, of Gaius books, and some of the most ancient legends I've heard. Who is, I assume from colour, of the woodland or meadows somewhere. Does the Queen of Elphame know you are here? I've enough trouble already without trying to fix a mess like that!"

The man before them rose appearing startled, "Of course Emrys. As your Lady told you, the land is healing. We are indebted to you, my Lady believed it would be appropriate to inform you that as the water is flowing purely again, the naiads and waterfolk may need reminded of the rule regarding not seducing or stealing the humans. It's been a while and they may have forgotten, oh and the kelpie will require dealing with before your land is safe for others, especially children. Our land. Also she sends her personal thanks and an invitation to meet with you later."

"Ooooh my gods." Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to maintain his composure.

Arthur turned to Merlin, " _Your Land?!_ You have land now? What did you _do, Mer_ lin?"

"That's what you got from this?!"

The confusion of the creature watching was clear, "Well yes. He accepted it and claimed the land by blood..."

"For god's sake Merlin, no, you know what, we'll discuss that later." His friend's face went chalk white and folded his arms to avoid reaching out for him.

"You live in the dead valley? No bloody wonder that murdering bastard went so extreme _there._ Shona didn't tell me."

The messenger appeared puzzled, "Well no. I suppose she that we'd be obvious."

Arthur choked beside him, "You certainly are _now."_

He finally paid proper attention to the prince, _"_ You are the Once and Future King?"

"So I've been told. Not quite yet. Officially I am still only the Prince regent."

"If you were not Him then Emrys would not be here, and my glen would still lie dead and barren, yet new life stirs. The blood of one who has mastered the balance and commands the Great dragon has made it so."

Arthur didn't understand, but he knew better now than to show that, trusting that 'Emrys' would fill him in. "Indeed. Well, as much as it goes against all my usual protocol, I believe offering you hospitality would be unwise, given that that would require publicly acknowledging your existence, and despite the lack of dungeon security in some ways, imprisoning guests is not how I wish to begin relations between our people. You may tell this… _Queen…_ that her warning is appreciated, and that Emrys will come himself or with a sympathetic companion on the condition that they will _all_ return to me whole and undamaged. There is much to atone for, may this be a day of peace between our peoples."

Merlin nodded, coming out of his slight daze.

"It lives? The Glen lives? How did I not sense _you_ there?"

The ageless aos si cocked his head, "We withdrew of course, the blood of a slain dragon and her mate in grief poisoned even the magic, you do not sense those behind the veil, as you do not sense _us_ when we must slumber or hide in another land."

Merlin's head hurt, Maybe Gwaine had a point about sleep.

"Please tell me that those around you unaware of magic cannot see you for what you are."

The man tilted his head, "Of course not."

"And I _know_ you wouldn't make Emrys and the once and future king look like idiots by being completely invisible to the others."

The man startled, literally jumping, " _OH!_ "

"Right. Of course you did." Merlin whispered and held his hand out towards the Aos sí as he did so. "Congratulations, now you appear to _them_ like a daft squire who injured themselves and required fixing up by the physician's assistant. If you reach the tree line you can disappear or teleport, or whatever it is you do. Just don't hurt or charm anyone on the way, I'll ride out as soon as I finish speaking to the king about something. Thank you Ace."

The elvish creature before them examined the faces carefully and nodded springing lightly away, and moving faster than any eye but Merlin's could probably follow.

He waited until the creature had vanished and was gone before exploding,"For fucksake, he couldn't have warned me? The cryptic bastard must be having a right laugh about now. Oh, and a kelpie. Well that's just bloody brilliant. I couldn't just wake the cooperative and helpful creatures, it had to be a for-everyone thing."

Gwaine half smiled, "Isn't that kind of your thing though, Merlin? All or nothing. The Lady was right, and she _did_ warn u- you about the water a little."

Arthur turned aside, "Lancelot." The Knight responded instantly to the stern voice, "Yes sire."

"You are to guard my father while I attend to the diplomatic summons. He is not to be informed of my absence, or anything heard here today. For his own safety and ours, Uther pendragon is to remain in his chambers, he should be regarded as very dangerous. You are authorised to use force to restrain him should he attack you, and I shall put it in writing before we leave lest it be challenged, though I do not expect to be gone long enough for that to be an issue. Gwaine, the green man acknowledged you, whatever that means, so you're coming along. We leave within the hour. Merlin you have _got_ to get this 'friend' situation sorted out!" Seeing him throw a shocked glance to Gwaine Arthur rolled his eyes. "Not _that_ one, and please, for the love of god never tell me any details, There is _nothing_ good that comes from telling me things about feelings."

"No-one's mentioned feelings at all sire. Except you. Are you feeling alright? Should I worry?" Merlin feigned concern and smile at the disgusted noise Arthur made, "The _friends_ Merlin who are currently endangering themselves and us by turning up without warning. The friends who really shouldn't exist, the friends who are still _very illegal._ I can overlook a couple of extra warriors, who are useful in multiple capacities. I cannot overlook brightly coloured elves or fae, and if you bring a dragon here I _will_ kill you."

"Good luck" Muttered Merlin.

"What was that?" Arthur's brow creased.

"Nothing Sire. It's not like I'm _inviting_ people, they even _told you_ I didn't. Coming _here_ as a -a 'foreigner' is clearly crazy, not the kind I half approve of, the wow-you-have-an-actual-deathwish kind. You can't pin _this one on me."_ Merlin was glaring, hands on his hips by the end.

Arthur snorted, "I can pin anything I like on you, you're my servant. I could pin _you_ if I wanted and there'd be nothing you could do about it!"

Gwaine was turning red with his effort to hold back unsubtle laughter.

" _Oh my gods Arthur,_ just because I'm your servant doesn't mean you fucking _own_ me. I can't stop random men turning up just because it's inconvenient for you. At least they did not contaminate your bloody throne room or hall this time." Merlin face palmed as he heard a passing knight start choking and gave a long suffering sigh, "For fusksake, Lancelot, please go and make that man understand that the Prince mentioning _pinning_ me was not a reference to _nailing_ me in any way, and remind Sir Owain that I _know things;_ before he can try and collect some pot of gold on false claims."

Lancelot looked unconvinced but shrugged and obeyed without arguing.

Merlin scoffed casually, knowing that Arthur found the teasing more abrasive than he ever did, which made sense for a prince of the realm required to meet certain expectations, and Merlin had long understood was not meant personally. "Seriously? They actually think you'd share someone? Even a servant. The clot poles are thicker than I thought if they buy that you'd go in for that kind of deal."

An indecipherable look passed over Arthur's face "I'd rather learn to share time than lose something important completely."

Swallowing dryly Merlin wished they were anywhere but a place there could be witnesses, "Arthur I-"

Gwaine interrupted, most aware of the surroundings at that moment, "Well gentlemen, it seems urgent, and we cannot leave such vital things to spread! _We should take anything important away from any flappy eared gossiping fishwives."_ He added in an undertone that reached both men.

Arthur cleared his throat and smacked Gwaine on the shoulder, but the not-quite-noble caught the faint gratitude of their Prince. 'Yes. Right. Merlin, bring weapons. _All_ the weapons. Medicine. Anything you need, and have three horses saddled and waiting in the stables. He nodded quietly, "Yes sire." Shaking his head to clear it, adding his 'normal' mask, "I suppose you _were_ intending on a hunting trip anyway, it's rather helpful of them to combine tasks. I'll add your bow shall I?"

Arthur snorted, "You hate hunting." He looked vaguely disgusted at the very concept of _disliking_ hunting.

"Whatever gave you that impression sire." Arthur raised his brow and Gwaine didn't quite silence his exclamation.

"I am perfectly alright with hunting for _food_ done sensibly and with respect, I just cannot tolerate hunting unnecessarily for _sport_ , or the waste that some of the knights and Lords are guilty of, it's offensive and ungrateful. It does help to know you aren't also hunting _me,_ andsome methods of killing are less cruel too. So easier to make my peace with." Gwaine shot a look of caution at Merlin to convey waiting until they were closer to the valley than the city to open _that_ can of worms.

Interrupting to break the train of thought was least likely to draw unwanted attention, "Merlin, I have to see Gaius for something and wondered if there's any message you'd like me to take?" He really had no problem with whatever arrangement they came to, but this was not the time or place, and later Arthur would _not_ appreciate them allowing him to appear vulnerable if he didn't intervene, even if it pissed him off at the time.

"Ugh, I actually need to check something in his books before we leave, not what I'd planned, but I've never actually met a kelpie, and all the sidhe I've met so far have tried to kill me. Or Arthur. Or both. Mostly both. So knowing a bit about this set would be useful. Similar but different. Hopefully less keen on killing the king."

Arthur nodded at them, "Do it. We leave as soon as possible, with or without your answers."

The prince turned on his heel and left. Leon watched the exchange from the corner, unable to hear anything, but close enough to see that the three were discussing things, rather than knight and servant simply taking orders.

Merlin walked quickly towards the physicians chambers, mind whirling.

Gwaine didn't interrupt, which he was grateful for, as he doubted riding out with both of them together would help his state of mind. Knocking at the door of his old home he was far less quiet and considerate than the previous day. Merlin found himself actually smiling as the full chemistry set was out again and in use, something green bubbling over a flame, an orange substance titrating, and his mother sat with a mortar and pestle, with three others beside her. A specific order judging by the precise quantities and relatively small size of them. "Good morning Merlin. I hope you aren't going to wake Gaius with the same feral battering on his door. He came home last night in a terrible state, I haven't seen him looking like that since- well a long time. There's flat bread on the desk."

Merlin didn't argue with his mother, but Gwaine raised an eyebrow and folded his arms defensively, "Good. If he hadn't after yesterday he'd be as irredeemably lost as Uther. His suffering is a good sign. Lady Hunith, we need to speak to Gaius, and it cannot wait."

Hunith frowned, "I can't advise it. Are you absolutely sure it can't?"

"If you want to keep your son alive, yes. We will not cause him any harm. His past actions are responsible for his current pain, as are yours, but we are trying to avoid bringing further suffering on anyone so need some direction on which books, because I don't fancy our chances against the library here in an hour without direction to find some very specific information."

Merlin slapped the back of his head, "Oi, respect. I swear mum he's not always this- I mean, he _can use_ manners, just has a policy of respect is earned, but Gwaine, _apologise to my mum_ right now."

Hunith's lips turned upwards as Gwaine rolled his eyes and offered a half hearted apology, "Oh don't worry, I'm glad to see he has an advocate, Will was the only one back then, and here is complicated, but Merlin is well capable of throwing his own tantrums Gwaine, as I'm sure you'll see, if you haven't already. Infrequent and not without cause, but impressive nonetheless."

Hunith looked at her son with an unreadable look. "You know I'd give my life for your own. _Or_ to spare you another… Be gentle with him this morning, I was someone had told me how fragile things were. Merlin, how little were you sleeping while doing this as well? I know _exactly_ what you do and the consequences, so don't bother telling me it doesn't matter. No more irresponsible prepping medications when you've been awake more than two days. Promise me!"

Merlin scowled, "I promise, but I need to get information before leaving."

He went and tapped carefully at the door to Gaius' chambers and waited, relieved when he heard the usual sounds of someone getting up and decent, then went up to what had been _his_ room, less careful about his knocking, "Ozzie?! Finian?!"

Hunith rolled her eyes, "You haven't got any quieter, have you? Oswald was up last night, something troubling him, and disturbances, Finian is retrieving a few ingredients from the kitchen. Gaius is all about efficacy and practicality. An admirable point, but I find that a patient willing to take their medicine without a fight is often more efficient than one who delays it or a child who simply won't. Some things cannot be improved upon, and certainly he is the best physician Camelot ever had, but _taste_ was never my brother's forte. There is a reason that _I_ cooked, and it was not my sex."

The door creaked open loudly, reminding Merlin he hadn't got around to oiling them and his needed doing too- no. Not _his_ anymore. Hunith's.

"Gaius!"

The old man waved his hand, smiling weakly, "I heard enough my boy- Merlin. Can't have you going off blind, can we. What is it this time?"

Merlin squeezed his eyes closed as the vision of the dead glen rose again, "I accidentally woke _everything_. So a helpful Aos sí turned up- well, was sent- this morning with a warning, and a suggestion we hurry. Seems the kelpie is roused, and whatever other water creatures are about have a bad habit of seducing humans, and it's somehow now _my_ job to convince them not to."  
"Introducing them to Sir Gwaine should help with that… Kelpie he said, aha, top shelf of course, but they pose fewer difficulties than several of your other adversaries. It was said they have the same weaknesses as griffins. So far south an iron blade or metal weapon may well be sufficient, but I suggest taking the sidhe staff given who summons you. Remember the spells you used. There are few indeed who would send such messengers, and fewer still who would do it for unselfish reasons."

Gaius opened one of his less well used bestiaries. "Here. This is what you ought to be expecting. Don't let Either Arthur or Sir Gwaine be swept up or you chances of getting them back are very small. You might want to plug their ears. Some of the naiads or merpeople, whatever they turn out to be, may even think they are saving their victims from a terrible fate of being eaten alive."

Gwaine interrupted, "Well I'm sold. Given the options, do _please_ throw me to the merpeople to drown or spirits to seduce away, rather than die horribly to be eaten by a monster."

Merlin put his hands on his hips, _"Gwaine!_ This is _not helping._ So either shut up, or go and pack your shit, so we can leave faster."

The man held his hands up. "You really need that sleep mate, but I'm going."

"No, I need knights and princesses- argh, _princes_ to stop trying to make my life even more difficult than it already is!"

Looking over the frustrated warlock, trapped in a room with the family who had done him such damage, the man who he couldn't reconcile with yet tugged at his heart. With the warrior priest who served him, yet had such extensive knowledge and left Merlin feeling like he had to prove himself _so much more,_ in the place that had been a home he'd lost painfully, Gwaine placed a solid hand on his shoulder. "Aye. I'm sorry. I'll sort the horses, alright, give you a few extra minutes here without rushing."

Gwaine left and did as he'd offered, wondering if it was wrong to strangle princess for bad timing, like in front of people. It seemed likely that until recently Arthur truly hadn't considered the possibility that Merlin could have someone. Even that he might _want_ anyone. Gwaine didn't believe for a second that he didn't care about his best friend's happiness. The concept of not being the only one he knew of in Merlin's concerns, and clearly there had once been Freya, simply hadn't occurred to the Prince as a possibility. So any change, however small would be jarring. He just prayed the man didn't see it as a betrayal-by either of them. Despite the fact he had made his disinclination for men clear to several knights, that didn't mean he didn't see Merlin as _his._

He absolutely did. Gwaine surmised from the lack of mockery, that this change at least was one detail he'd been notified of. He hoped fervently that that was not the cause of the damage to the prince's chambers! At least Lancelot was overseeing Uther's handling, he'd take it seriously and not question Arthur's motivation. He also knew about Merlin, which meant he wasn't going to ask the wrong questions.

He was travelling light this time, time was precious, and he did not want to weigh the horse down more than necessary. Even if that meant second rate travelling rations. He'd make it up to princess later, if they all made it back alive.

Merlin had read through the information several times, realised he did _not_ have time to figure out the Aos si, or the complicated border-world they were deemed to exist in, and spoken briefly to the closest Catha. Who had cryptically told him that Finian was better at symbols and runes. Which Merlin had definitely _not_ asked about. He didn't have time to pursue that. When he arrived with his own things, the staff, the physicians light-kit he'd designed for taking on quests and ill fated patrols, and Arthur's provisions there were three ready prepared horses, a knight chatting to one of the stable boys, and the extra weapons that he'd left in Gwaine's chamber. Guilt pierced him but Gwaine just shook his head calmly and gestured towards the others still working. "Best get the Princess since we're all sorted then."

"Yeah. I'll just go and- and do that, yeah."

Gwaine rolled his eyes as Merlin matched actions to words.

"He dropped you already? Don't worry. He never does stay long with anyone."

His friend hoped Merlin wasn't doing the same, but shrugged and looked casually to the stablehand, "If he did it would be his right, same as it's yours with anyone warming your furs or giving you a quick roll in the hayloft."

The younger man looked slightly thrown, as though autonomy extending to _everyone_ hadn't occurred to him. Much as he hoped that wasn't the case, he was a grown man, and always practiced what he preached.

The Prince and servant strode abreast into the stables more seriously than was usual for them. The stablehand threw a smirk at Gwaine, which was ignored. They mounted and Arthur led the other two out of the city, as was expected, before falling back as Merlin was the only one who knew the way.

When the terrain forced them to slow down Gwaine decided that the pair might actually go the rest of their lives in the awkward avoidance if not pressed to _talk._ "So, Arthur. Now that the knights are not watching. You do realise that if Merlin ever _did_ add another person to his life it'd be someone who understood he belongs first to you, then anyone else, right? I mean, anyone who couldn't live with it would be out the bedchamber door the first time you stormed in yelling about something insignificant. Or when Merlin insisted on going on secret Emrys- quests in the middle of the night. You're never going to _lose him_ , because he'd always choose you first. I'm pretty sure Destiny pre-set you both to that to make sure everything worked out and neither of you ran away screaming the first time you met."

Merlin groaned deeply, "You utter cock. Why Gwaine, just _why?"_

"Because the tension here is killing me and I refuse to live in a castle where _this_ is normalised. Or the princess routinely tries to kill me in training, where everyone knows why but are all too afraid to comment." the not-a-noble said bluntly.

Arthur glared at Gwaine as though wishing he'd burst into flames. Probably a good thing it was Merlin who had magic. "Oh come on Princess, better here than on a bloody training field with witnesses and you know it."

"Gwaine, Merlin _can't_ be mine, I'm not… _like that._ I can't give what he needs."

The knight rolled his eyes and counted to ten. "Aye, and he can't give _you_ everything _you_ need. It's why you need a queen consort. Thing is though, you need both, and you know it.

So how about letting her decide what she's willing to live with, and what she needs. If she can't tolerate Emrys and the Once and future king, she's the wrong woman. It wouldn't work. You do _understand_ there's more than one type of love right? Camelot's language doesn't really cover it, but there's the love of a warrior or knight for those he fights with, the bond when you rely on each other to stay alive is deep. Has to be. The love between brothers; or with sisters. I don't know if you've met twins, but two born together have even been known to share a spouse, or spouses, despite not being attracted to each other. There are those who fuck without feelings, some call it love, though it's shallow lust more often than not, and others find both together. You pair… you were literally _made_ to exist together, two parts of one whole. You need each other more than you need any single other person. We are pleasant extras. If him being with me in a different way to you gets between that, tell me now and I'll stop, Arthur. I won't pretend it's what I want, but all that's secondary to Your joint purpose, I get that, it won't compromise me serving you."

Arthur looked away, but Gwaine saw him considering the words deeply.

Merlin glared at him, "Then why did you come barging in earlier you prick?"

Gwaine rolled his eyes and sighed, "Because whatever my relationship is with you: friends, frenemies, lovers, it shouldn't change my reactions and behaviour _as a knight._  
I barged in on you both disregarding your need to talk, because that's what I would have done two days ago,; because there was an emergency that required Arthur's immediate awareness, and your presence to resolve, and you could chat later. _After_ the green thing wasn't by the training fields. If my reactions are significantly compromised then that would be problematic. I love you for _you_ , Arthur obsession and all, I'm not about to change core behaviours towards both of you. Arthur, I've no intention of quitting low level pilfering from the kitchen and calling you Princess. Merlin, I'll still tease you, piss you off, steal the last spoonful and check later that you've eaten and slept."

Merlin smiled crookedly. "Thanks I guess."

"Don't thank me yet. The Princess has still to give a verdict." Arthur was listening to everything and wheeled his horse around. "No. He hasn't. As you pointed out rather publicly earlier Merlin; I don't _own_ are a free man"

The warlock made a disgusted sound thinking of Destiny and his servitude, "I really am not."  
"Shut up Merlin. You _will be_ a freeman, and even those who _are_ indentured should have autonomy to seek out someone makes them happy. Recently I've been shown just how much unhappiness you've had Merlin. _Without_ support or recourse. I will _not_ get in the way of any that you can find for yourself. Poor as your taste in men clearly is as Gwaine is- well, _Gwaine_ , he makes several good points, and is one of the few who might be able to accomodate without jealousy. I won't stop dragging you away in the morning, even though we're essentially equal now. I can hardly ask you to tolerate me having a queen consort who _will_ demand and have a significant portion of my time, at least at some times, then declare you are barred from the same relief and consolation."

Gwaine looked between them, relieved that some of the things that had simmered too long were aired aloud, and spoke, "You know Merlin, it's possible to love more than one person at once. In different ways, or the same. It doesn't mean you assign them less value, or even care for either less. Perhaps those who can't understand simply have harder hearts; or the luxury of confidence they can enjoy the same measure stretched over a long period of time in peace. Or the goddess offers blessings that are poorly designed for this world. Freya doesn't mind that you care for me, enough to drag me through and out of the mist- which I am still pissed about not having information for by the way - and I don't care that you love Arthur, in whatever way." he looked between them sighing, "Well, if that's all sorted, shall we go find some monsters?"

Arthur looked at Merlin, as disoriented as he'd ever seen the man and laughed, "Alright. You've my blessing Merlin. If he's really who you want, keep him. Try and train him a bit better. At least I can be sure he's on _our side._ Maybe even a little more useful than I once thought, despite having only half a brain. You're going to have to explain the mist thing though." Merlin grinned, realising that Kilgarrah and the ghost had been right, he really did have a family.

"Avalon. I took him to the Lake of Avalon. Technically mortals can't go there. At least, they can't _visit_ and return. I didn't- I wasn't _sure._ I've been wrong before. I couldn't take him if he wouldn't willingly follow… and I can only take someone I love, who accepts the magic. It can't protect them if they don't. She'd never have let him in though otherwise, he'd just have wandered in circles for a while… probably."  
Arthur stared at his friend looking horrified, "Oh dear god, you _idiot!_ You didn't _explain that?!_ You're worse than I am at this communication thing. Go apologise you idiot, and find a way to make amends, I don't think flowers work for Gwaine."

Merlin mock-frowned for a second "Chicken might."

Before Arthur could respond to that, Merlin had kicked Trixie into catching up with Gwaine, for the first time not having to hide _this_ side of himself.

In the absence of chicken, and the presence of Arthur, Merlin took an apple from the saddle bags and offered it to Gwaine

"He said I should apologise for not telling you."  
"Aww, Princess finally grew up like a real boy… thanks Merlin. Just tell me next time. Trust me."

Merlin squinted against the sunlight and tried it, with something fairly small that had been bothering him, "I'm trying. How do you feel about tattoos?" He asked, curious. Gwaine had travelled enough not to react without thought, "Ink? I guess it depends what someone has etched on themselves. Always better than scarification. Infection on those is nastier. Definitely need someone well trained to perform either. If it's for you-and I'm assuming it is, after the Catha and druids thing- They probably have some very specific patterns in mind and you should go over them first because with it also involving magic, they are probably permanent even for you see first how they would lie on your skin contours. I think it'd be a good look on you, but don't let princess convince you to use red ink. They'd look like scars and you've enough of those. The guys with Hunith- Ozzie? Can help you more'n I can. Why?" Gwaine cocked his head to listen.

"Something they said earlier. Never mind. No doubt I'll find out, I don't think I really get a choice in having them _done_ , and it's a fair bet it'll be at the worst possible time." The warlock shook his head in exasperation.

"Yep. Sounds like you."

"I suspect they will have to do something before the council, and I'd like to get a chance for them to heal a little. What about on you?"Merlin asked cheerily.

Gwaine coughed, lips thinning, "Oh definitely not my thing, tried it once, never again."

Merlin stared at him shocked, "Oh my gods Gwaine, how drunk _were_ you."

He looked away and swallowed, "Not enough, not even close to. Wrong time, wrong place."  
He threw a quick look towards Arthur who was giving them a few minutes without him, which consideration Gwaine appreciated, he tilted his head and held the hair out of the way, showing a black symbol. "Not all of us have magic cloaks mate, hair has to do me. You've got your triggers, I got mine. Not ink, no brands, no ownership _ever._ Now I'd appreciate if you didn't tell _that_ part of my story to princess, or anyone else." He raised an eyebrow and the stunned warlock shook his head, "Gods no, I- sorry Gwaine. Didn't mean to raise bad memories."

The knight shrugged. "You didn't. They're always there, like your own, with the good ones. You can have my share. You could suit them. Wouldn't work on Geoffrey." Merlin looked at his friend and could help laughing at the image of a heavily inked librarian."

"Oi! Princess! You're falling behind, your horse is getting embarrassed."

He turned to Merlin, "What do you call _that one_?"

Merlin exclaimed in horror, "That's _Llamrei!_ One does not just go renaming the royal Prat's noble steed." He nodded solemnly, "He's from a long line of noble steeds don't you know, it is Llamrei now and forever."

Arthur snorted beside them "And yet you still managed to turn him soft. Too many apples Merlin. You spoil them, and don't think I don't know about the stories. They've only been overlooked so far because you're combining it with teaching the stablehand's kid to read and I need more literate men."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Then educate them cabbage head. What can I say, I have empathy for beasts of burden and anything that has to put up with carrying a clotpole like you all day deserves a break. Llamrei can't exactly do it himself."

"Did you just liken yourself to an ass Merlin? Gwaine! I have a witness to Merlin claiming connection to beasts of burden." Arthur looked for support to their companion.

"Aye sire, he admitted to being an ass, but it _is_ a very _nice_ ass." Gwaine grinned lasciviously at Merlin and this time got an appropriate response from the man he was blatantly leering over.

"You're going to be even more insufferable now, aren't you." Arthur scowled at him without heat.

"Almost definitely Princess." Gwaine chuckled, the tension finally having broken.

The Prince snorted, "Is it too late to take back my approval."

"No Arthur, but I'm gonna need a much better reason than 'You are insufferable'. You said that before." but he smiled at Arthur, feeling well disposed to the man who would rather face a griffin unarmed than discuss any form of feelings other than rage. Setting that aside to actually _talk_ to Merlin, not _Emrys_ , who was about as keen on such discussions as the prince was or they'd have addressed it _years_ ago, like normal humans, hadn't been easy.

Arthur was already being pestered about strategic matches. Hopefully having some clarity on his standing with Emrys-Merlin would help him to know better what he actually _wanted_ in a consort beyond 'tolerates Merlin and doesn't try to kill me'. Riding together after that was much as it always had been, and strangely relaxing.

Merlin's demeanour changed notably as they approached a pass that didn't seem to have anything particularly special about it, but the horses weren't keen on either, and both things put Arthur and Gwaine on their guard. Arthur made a horrified noise at the scene before them, while Gwaine remained silent, having been somewhat forewarned of it.

Merlin froze for a completely different reason. Looking across the glen there was a vast swathe of it still blackened and lifeless, but the river and it's banks were no longer dead and toxic. The upland where he had, the grass and sage appeared to adorn a mound and young plants were visible.

He slid down from his mount and walked forward "Do you hear that?" Merlin asked excitedly, voice low lest he scare something away. Gwaine shook his head, "No."

"Hear what?" Asked Arthur, as they both dismounted.

"It's alive. Not healed, not yet, but it _is_ alive. The water brings life now, not death. There are reeds Gwaine, and a breeze. Everything avoided here, not even the wind blew through. When Gaius showed me, there was only death. Today you can see were the springs are, and the little blue flowers, there is _life here,_ though there is a second settlement to bury before it can flourish. Gwaine looked around to see what would cause the glittering of unshed tears in Merlin's eyes and he leaned over, smiling widely in spite of the darkness. "There, look." Gwaine followed where his finger pointed to a bird high above them. "It's a bird."

Merlin grinned, shaking his head as he grinned, "No Gwaine. It's an _eagle._ I'll worry if ravens start turning up before it's restored, but if there are reeds… I wonder…" Merlin took off towards the river, with a far less enthusiastic King and knight on his heels. Carefully avoiding casting a shadow Merlin looked into clean water. "Gwaine, look, there are fry, only tiny but they are _there_. It's real Gwaine."

"It is, but you're gonna want to take a step away from the edge or you'll be meeting whoever it is in sodden clothes."

"Worth it. Plus, I can dry things like that." He pushed himself upright, wiping muddy hands on his breeches. "Ugh, and you want to be introduced to a Lady looking like _that."_ Arthur grimaced, "Well, at least if you go in honest she's not in for a nasty shock the first time you turn up covered in muck or with twigs in your hair.

"I like nature and not killing things, arrest me sire." Merlin retorted. "Some people _like_ the woods."

"Do they indeed." Arthur raised a questioning brow

"The woods have many worthy values Princess. Like leaves, campfires, and not being seen."

"Thank you Gwaine, for images that I really _did not need."_

"Anytime princess. We done? Not that I'm not enjoying the high, excitable Merlin again, he's one of my favourite Merlin's, but we're actually here for a reason."

The servant-warlock was apparently listening as he came back to them. "Of course. It's just that when I was here yesterday there was nothing. Not one thing, the water was poison, no insects, no hares, no deer, nothing magical or otherwise in this valley, devoid of colour and joy. It had been that way for years, since Kilgarrah was taken I think. He said it was healing but I couldn't really believe it until now. It's beautiful." He sighed, and when he faced them Arthur could see the man's gaze sharpening. "They're here. She's come. Kilgarrah and Freya spoke the truth. I'm ready Sire. Diplomacy was never my skill though. Might need you to kick me."

Arthur and Gwaine watched warily as Merlin stepped forward, keeping their hands close enough to grab swords or dagger if needed, and for once Merlin didn't consider it an overreaction. "Emrys? I was beginning to doubt you were coming. I sent the message some time ago."

No doubt she'd been expecting him to return with the messenger with a more magical method he thought, "I got your message my Lady, and came as soon as I could. Tell me, who am I speaking to?" He smiled disarmingly. Arthur rarely observed him outside his role as a servant and found it fascinating.

She laughed, a silvery sound that lulled the men with him. He raised an eyebrow, "I learned long ago not to judge by appearances, or kind voices. Especially your kind, after resolving a changeling problem. That was not _your_ doing though. What's your name my lady?"

"But Emrys, you know who I am." She swayed with the breeze.

Merlin raised a brow, "I _suspect_ who you are, which is not at all the same thing. The man who brought me the message claimed he was sent by the Queen of Elphame, and yet I do not see him."

The woman rolled her eyes, "He claimed he was tired and is resting. I am known by many names. I think today I shall be Mab, it feels like a special occasion, and yet I do not want to have misguided humans seek us out. They will not pursue _that_ name so we may feast safely. I am not always here anyway, indeed it is rare, but alas was trapped here by the desecration. I wished to meet one who offered us our freedom, and other do always remain. You can see the wings, my ears, those small differences that _you_ know to look for, Emrys. Now, tell me something in return."

Merlin considered her request, making deals with any of the fae was never as simple as they would make it sound.

"If it within my power to answer you without endangering or harming my companions and I, I will gladly give one to you, My Lady."

She smirked, "I am not _your_ Lady. You are already claimed Emrys. But tell me, where is your symbol?I look and yet can see none."

Merlin looked at her nervously, "What symbol?"

She waved a delicate hand,"Any of them. I can _feel_ you. You are definitely _Him_ , your blood is right. Where is your mark. For healer? For Dragonlord? For Master of life and death? For the Lord of Druids?" She looked genuinely puzzled, rather an accomplishment itself thought Merlin.

"Well, that's a harder question that you apparently think my Lady. As you no doubt are aware, my path has only recently become ah- _clear_. I could not bear marks openly without endangering not only myself, but the Once and Future King, and whoever gave me them; but, since you ask not for specific designs, perhaps the marks the goddess has left me with will suffice for now? Until it is safe for one willing to colour me in to do so. Perhaps my Lady would accept the marks that the triple goddess has chosen to leave me with instead for now? Though it will require the removal of at least my tunic and shirt. I require a guarantee that my company and I are still safe."

The ethereal beauty smiled and held up her hand, "As you wish Emrys. They shall lower _all_ weapons. I admit, I am curious as to what you could consider such."

"If I am to do this thing the Once and Future King must be present, I will not show a stranger before him, without him." Merlin kept his mien unyielding, speaking to the Queen as one leader to another.

"Ah. Your soulmate may remain."

"My _what?_ Uh, never mind, Arthur! Your presence is required _now!"_

"You do not wish the other to bear witness?"

Merlin blushed, before remembering this was not Camelot, and having invited him partly to tell non humans not to seduce the lost humans, species was probably a far bigger deal than any variation within any particular one. "Oh, he's already seen what there is to see. At least this half."

"Ah. Very well. King Arthur, you may stand with me if you agree not to disturb the court."

Biting the inside of his cheek hard Arthur nodded sharply, "Of course my Lady."

It _was_ her court. A magical, unfamiliar court, with rules he apparently did not know.

"You asked about a healers mark. I have none. My capability of healing humans requires a great deal of work, I am no master. Kilgarrah, the Great dragon who once guarded this glen, and the Lady of the Lake of Avalon said your valley is healing so I can only assume that this is what you expect to 'see'. He removed the neckerchief, passed it to Arthur, and held out his hand. "The three lines on my palm have not closed quickly as I have come to expect, it means that they will scar. I haven't seen them remain gold before, but these currently are. Proof of the blood sacrifice to restore life to this place." His eyes skipped to Arthur, whose lips pressed tightly together. Merlin tilted his head backwards. "My mark for surviving the hate of Uther Pendragon's death squads and followers; the rope marks were still clear and he looked straight ahead, at the Queen, avoiding Arthur's gaze yet. "I have to remove clothes for others My Lady."

The Queen smiled coyly, "I am waiting Emrys." He smirked back, not many were so open with him, nor so forward.

""Very well."

Taking off his long coat, and pulling shirt and tunic over his head he ignored the gasps. "You see, my Lady, why identifying tattoos seemed excessive, though they are far prettier." He indicated the one on his chest, knowing Arthur had already seen it. "This is from my battle with Nimue, I was far too young, and unaware of the implications to have undertaken such, it was a difficult lesson, and not primarily because of the physical discomfort. It is the mark I was left with to remind my of the importance of self control and as I recently discovered the moment I took her place rightfully, though it is one I failed to claim, and then later denied. I regret that people have suffered for that, and is a situation that can no longer continue." He looked at a scratch on his abdomen and decided to ignore it as really there was no significance to that one from a luck bandit.

"Here, on my side, I was flying with Kilgarrah. I suppose it is a symbol of being his dragonlord as he would carry no one else, unless at my request. Though I would never take them into a storm. Or cause one with a companion."

He smiled in memory, "I suppose it also might cover the 'son of sky' thing too."

He turned, "Here on my shoulder. Something like that usually heals cleanly, but this was standing up to a prat who became a good man. I think it reminds me of the difference and his growth. The lines are from my time with the witch-hunter, they remind me that my kin still suffer when they have done nothing wrong. The ugly one further down is from serkets. I was bound in magical chains in the woods, while the knights battled on alone against an enemy they could not possibly win against. I'm not sure of any special meaning, but it serves as a reminder of why I cannot abandon the people of Camelot. Their defenders would give their lives, but some enemies require, well, _me_ to fight. It was this that first taught me how even good things like the cup can be turned to great harm in the hands of a dark witch. It hurt like a bitch."

He faced the Queen again. "These on my wrists. I have been a prisoner in handcuffs and the stocks now so many times that the marks seem permanent. I am always a prisoner here. We all are. Even as we walk free. It is… I hide _these_ from even myself. The differently coloured part lying over the mark from the Blessed isle is from the first time I fought the Sidhe, the _banished_ sidhe, not your fair kin. I uh, I brought the staff which answers now only to me, and once belonged to Aulfric. He tried to use Arthur's soul to buy his daughter's return to Avalon."

"That is evil indeed. Then this mark shows your mastery of the staff, and your welcome at the Lake. Arthur's soul is yours, only you may send him to Avalon should the fair Lady allow it. Don't worry, she will, despite their past.

To steal a soul that is claimed by another risks war among us. Sophia would have been punished severely had she succeeded in using the Once and Future King to open the gates. Death was a far kinder fate than what awaited her there."

Merlin blanched, all he had been focusing on at the time was saving his friend. "Will these then suffice my Lady, to prove that you are not deceived, though they be less elegant."

She smiled wickedly, "I will expect you to address the matter in time, for you cannot allow some false young upstart to challenge your position on such flimsy grounds, and some will. It is far more difficult to do when you wear open proof of your position that requires the backing of Catha or druid council. Enduring pain such as you have should make the needles feel like butterfly kisses. Yes, Lord Emrys. These are more than sufficient to silence any doubters or challengers in _my_ court. _We_ understand the meaning, more than you yourself yet it would seem; but you are learning, that's good. Yes, very good. You may put the rest of your clothes back on if you wish. Your King looks ready to challenge someone right now, and I will not have violence without my consent here. This Glen has seen enough blood at the hands of Pendragons." It was as effective as dunking cold water over him to sober Arthur, and he forced himself to calmness. Not outwards, but honestly reeling in his impotent rage.  
" _My King'_ as you call him, had seen only a fraction of the physical damage until today, this was not how I planned to explain. I suspect you knew that though and were bored after so many years without entertainment. I can forgive you that, but you will tolerate whatever reaction you have provoked without condemnation Mab." She did not look pleased at the chastisement, but neither did she argue."As you have said, you were visiting, an honour for us to be sure, but this is _my_ land and waters by inheritance from the last of its people, and by bloodright through Kilgarrah and the acceptance of the goddess. I too wish for no more blood to be shed here. In the interests of that actually being possible, can you please give me some directions. It would save a lot of time."

"the one you named 'ace' will show you. Why did you not ask his name?"

Merlin shrugged. "Arthur has no experience of the old tongue, or what came before."

Mab nodded as though she agreed with what Arthur was certain was a lie.

"Before you leave there is a last thing. Gifts. They must be exchanged must they not?"

Merlin turned to Arthur and hissed at him, "Did you know about this?"

The Prince looked horrified, "You mean you came to meet a queen and _didn't_ bring any? Were you ever paying attention to the greeting and exchanges when other Kings visited?"

"Not really, more the plots and working out who was going to try and kill you."

"for the love of Camelot… Fine, you're going to have to make something up." He elbowed the warlock hard to prompt him to turn back. Looking at the gathered aos si Merlin decided there was a good chance they'd sense bullshit, and perhaps lying to Mab might be unwise.

Not at all confident in his decision he began nonetheless. "Lady Mab, I must disappoint you. This is in fact my first attempt at what could be considered a diplomatic meeting. You have the dubious privilege of being the first to openly treat with Emrys. I brought no gifts to exchange, though it is not a reflection of your hospitality. All I have, is the horse to ride back on, the once and future King, Gwaine, and the clothes I stand in. I fear all I have to offer you it the worn neckerchief that served to conceal my ujm, collection of markings."

Mab beckoned to one of the most important looking next to her that Merlin surmised must be an advisor. She turned her full attention back to them. "I believe that will do nicely. Let it be a beginning, and we can show them you no longer hide but accept your role. If you give this to me, you swear before my court an oath that you will no longer conceal what the goddess gives you. In good faith I will allow you to cover the druid and Catha markings, for they will be made for men to understand and see, not for Magic. You will cease to use the selfish enchantment? "

Merlin looked back towards Arthur, much like Mab to _her advisor_. "It's not then a gift from Camelot but a personal commitment from you. I can't decide for you."

"If it were you, would _you_ do it."

Arthur sighed, " _if_ it was me, which it is not, I'd ask myself whether it would contribute to the peace, and whether it was a great risk. I believe I would, yes. For peace."

Merlin chewed his lip and answered, "My queen, there is danger in this for me, it has been a personal item. If you will agree to me keeping a corner too small to use but sufficient to sense if it is used in dark magic, I will do as you ask, this gift would belong only to you and not be divided and shared as there are many who lack wisdom or the ability to let destiny unfold. If I entrust you with this it will be a responsibility."

Arthur watched, wondering again how he had never _seen_ Merlin.

"I approve. Yes, you may keep a corner, but now, there must be something reciprocal, or we would be obligated, and I cannot allow that. Orion, bring the second elixir," a dark haired man with a purple tinge to his skin obeyed. "This is not _my_ first meeting Emrys, immortals have a great deal of practice. These beans should not grow here but fed by the three springs they will. We dry and grind the beans. It was once a prized export of this place. Orion brings you a sample. It has properties for rousing someone and granting energy. More importantly for _you Emrys_ is a gift of knowledge. Never underestimate gifts of information my dear. Kilgarrah is _not the_ last. There is another. Possibly others across the sea or further than I can feel, but in Albion one remains in the egg, in the tomb of Ashkenar. I caution you not to go there lightly. Now I believe that we are even." She smiled, tucking away the incomplete cloth, and the purple one brought forward mugs he looked to small to safely carry. He handed one to each of them, and while Merlin found it bitter and in desperate need of sweetening, Arthur made noises of appreciation almost inappropriate for such a gathering. It seemed to please the Aos si, and the courtiers of Mab. "Ace!" A green one came forward grumbling quietly, "Yes?"

"Show the men where to go."

At the clear dismissal they did as she said, finding Gwaine waiting for them.

"Did you really like that vile drink she gave you?"

"Vile? Merlin, that stuff is the nectar of the gods, you must plant the seeds immediately, before we leave!"

Merlin looked at the slightly hyper King, questioning the wisdom of that, but not able to argue coherently, full as his mind was of Kilgarrah not being the last dragon.

"Congratulations Merlin. You survived your first diplomatic visit and didn't start a war. That's pretty unusual. Especially if you also don't agree to marry someone."

"Yes, that would have been quite difficult to explain."

Gwaine grinned, following Ace, "Not as hard as you think. Princess here probably has a string of broken engagements."

Arthur rolled his eyes but didn't contradict the man. "Why thank you Gwaine for volunteering for night watch."

"Hey, I'm just saying that it is pretty standard for nobles and desirable men and women to end up that way. Either pawns in a bigger game, or targets people compete for. Possibly the only plus to being a noble _if_ you are in the fortunate position of being male. For the women it's brutal and exploitative. One of Uther's very, very few good points was outlawing child brides and not trading off Morgana early.

Arthur sighed, "He's right you know"

Gwaine clasped a hand to his chest and staggered backwards, Did you hear that Merlin? I want that on a tunic."

"Then learn to embroider." Arthur scoffed not expecting Gwaine to grin back at him smugly,

"What makes you think I can't already?"

"..."

"..."

"Then you can fix your own deadly socks when they go holey." Called Merlin.

"All I should really have to do is explain that a bunch of folk already own me and I'm unavailable as per Freya's instructions." He said evenly.

"You think that they will listen to her?" Gwaine asked.

"Well, we don't talk duties much when I see her, but she guards Avalon. That includes making sure rogue sidhe don't come through on a regular basis trying to take over, and humans don't get close enough to even find Avalon. Even she has bad days, but yeah. I'm pretty sure they won't argue."

The knight chuckled, "That is a very good point Merlin."

Arthur pursed his lips, "Do you think she'd talk to the council for me? Convince them to let it go? To leave me alone."

Merlin's brows rose and he crossed his arms, "I think she would kill the council and bar them from Avalon; and I wouldn't stop her."

Arthur grimaced, "Maybe not then."

"No. You'll just have to tell them yourself."

"Tell them what _exactly?"_

"The truth you total prat. You want to pick _your own_ queen, who you enjoy time with and is not foisted on you by a bunch of old guys who haven't been laid in at least a decade and have the temperament to prove it. Or, y'know, that you want to marry for love."

"You are such a _girl._ That is sickenly sweet and alarmingly naive all at once. Women don't pursue princes for love. They do it for wealth, power, influence. To escape from other, worse options, for an illusion of freedom, but not for love."

"You really believe that?" Merlin didn't hide his pity well.

"I don't _want_ to." Arthur scowled. There had been no space for such vacuous concepts as 'true love' in the Pendragon household as he grew up. Many examples of the misuse of that lie, but never had it been a _welcome_ idea.

Merlin's voice was unbending, almost harsh as he held back the censure that belonged to Uther, "Then don't. Find the one that never sought power, and sees the man you are."

He spoke as if it was easy, though he well knew it wasn't.

Arthur didn't answer as they reached the water and their guide halted, "There. That's where he is at rest, but it will not last, it has been many years since he last fed."

Merlin nodded grimly, "Then let's make sure it's many more." He jerked his head to the others. "Swords at the ready." It was an unnecessary warning, the knights already had them in their hands.

"Are you going to remain and show us those you require a warning?" he asked Ace.

The creature laughed with a harsher edge. "No need Emrys. They will find you. Don't let your companion wander alone." Merlin set his jaw, I've no intention of it. Thank you for your help. Tell your queen that I expect her to honour an oath on the Old religion made in the territory of Emrys. Destiny will hold her to it, as it holds me to mine. Friends are valuable to all. If she treats with the witch now I _will know._ Be careful. Thank you Ace. _"_ the green man made a noise of acknowledgement and leapt up, darting quickly across the valley.

"Right, so what are we actually looking for _Merlin?"_ The warlock remembered just in time not to face palm with a long knife in hand, "Big, giant, man-eating water-horse, with a taste for delicious little children, and a dislike of swords in its gut. Or anywhere else."

Gwaine's voice broke in then, "That, Princess, _That there_ is a kelpie, and apparently either ravenous or reeeeally pissed off because he's not dressing up as a pretty white horsey for you."

"Sir Gwaine, you sound far too cheerful for this."

"Well sire, I'm a little sleep deprived, but not enough to be dangerous, and unlike some _I_ paid attention to campfire and marketplace stories. If he gets you, you don't even need a deathstrike, He'll let you go with the lightest blow."

Arthur looked at his cheerful knight and grinned maniacally, "Well that's good news… What are we waiting for?" The once and future king launched himself towards the rocky beach, heedless of the irritated warlock yelling in some exasperation behind him.


	48. Chapter 48

What followed was one of the most chaotic fights that Merlin had ever been witness to; and Merlin was fairly familiar by now with chaos. Neither of the knights seemed to remember the instruction to _stay out of the water,_ and Arthur was caught by the creature before Gwaine managed to impale the thing on his blade, which then became stuck. Fortunately the reaction of the kelpie was enough to throw Arthur free and strike a killing blow to something vital. Gwaine insisted on going back for his sword and got a swipe for his trouble in rescuing it by putting himself in more danger. It was a _very_ good sword though; Gwaine wisely decided that was not a response Merlin would appreciate right now.

"You cabbage headed, moronic git! What on earth were you thinking- and YOU! I don't know what _you're_ laughing about, You were the one who ran in first without backup you prat!"

Arthur trying unsuccessfully to look repentant. "I had backup. I had you and Gwaine, that's plenty of backup."

"Ugh, you are both stupid. Do you know what we did yesterday when we got here? Hmm? Gaius and I, we wept. There was nothing but dust and ashes, except for the remains that Uther's men left in the open. This isn't some fun quest where you get to have an adventure and feel like big fucking heroes then go home. I moved the bones of the people who lived here, swam in that loch, fished in _this river,_ I held them, and removed them from the ditch piece by fucking piece, I laid them out the men, women and children looking out down the glen to where we are standing right the fuck _now._ This place was so desolate that there was no grass, no would, no fuel for a cremation and the goddess herself had to intervene. The blood sacrifice thing, that isn't _normal,_ it's not standard practice, that's desperation. This was Kilgarrah's eyrie, he had a mate- you know he's never once mentioned that. I never knew. I don't know if he had offspring, but in a thousand year lifetime it seems pretty likely, and now it's mine?" Merlin froze, taking deep breaths to keep control, "Oh my god. It's mine. This is _mine._ What if they expect me to leave Camelot, or live _here?_ I can't just leave, but what if Morgana realises this is here and tries to use it as a base?"

Gwaine placed a hand on his shoulder, "One thing at a time mate. Stop, and breathe. We were battle high, won't happen again."

Closing his eyes Merlin did just that. "Yes it will. Probably within 48 hours, but at least you apologised this time. We'll stay close to the shore, follow it, the naiads or merfolk are too curious and well, _territorial_ to stay away long. If they don't listen to me I can at least try the vilia. They're sort of _connected_ to Freya. It's complicated. I want to find where the others lived. I need to-" His voice broke and he cleared his throat, "I need to do the same thing for them as I did yesterday. I have to. Then return to Camelot. Finian and Oswald have information I require. Someone has to come out with me tonight for Kilgarrah to check Fin properly, and gods I need to sleep to make sense tomorrow. Arthur, please will you put up with George tonight, if I'm there in the morning?"

"Going by the state of you, I think Gwaine might find a way to punish me if I _don't._ I'll cope Merlin, it'll just be like one of the _many_ times you went missing to _not_ the tavern. Don't think you've got out of explaining those 'marks' that the smug woman demanded to see either, but I'll wait. A little. Today is for other things. I expect an explanation before you get inked up, which I assume will _start_ before the council, and you are running out of time." Arthur folded his arms and looked sternly at his manservant. "No thanks to a certain prat. I rather thought you got enough of an explanation of my scars with a bloody audience _sire."_

"Oh, sure. If you had no legs. Or 'unimportant' ones. Or the thing I assume was prior to arriving to Camelot." Merlin was glad he knew Arthur well enough to be certain the anger wasn't actually directed towards him.

"Arthur!" Yelled the warlock, clouds gathering, "Do you really think _knowing_ the story behind every single scar in detail would _help_ you? What do you think would be _gained?_ If they become relevant _I will tell you,_ but I really don't see how sharing the details of being lynched, or tortured, or fighting and winning against possession are going to help you right now. I don't poke and prod at _your_ pain, so butt out of mine, you are _my friend,_ I owe you my allegiance and aid. Not an account of my torment. You'll know any incurred in future anyway." He mumbled the last, leaving a slightly stunned king behind him and pleased looking knight. As he turned a light drizzle began, without any accompanying dramatics. Gwaine clapped Arthur on the shoulder and approached his friend. "How do we find the place this second group lived. Seems like an easier job with three men than one. May as well put us to use."

Merlin looked around to see that Gwaine was offering in earnest. "It's not too difficult, just identify where _you_ would settle in the terrain, safe looking bit. Do you see anyone in the water yet?"

Gwaine scanned the surface, "Some dark shapes, but nothing particularly useful." Merlin stopped suddenly and turned to the shore, walking slowly towards it and shouted clearly.

"Show yourselves. Are you friend or foe to us?" Two people appeared to walk from the water then, one male and one female, both with hair down to their waists and stark naked, Gwaine couldn't see well but he thought he _might_ have spied light webbing between their fingers as they reached for Merlin. "Allegiance first. Who do you serve?"

"You are not as friendly as they said, Emrys." Said the male looking perplexed.

Merlin sighed. "I have had a very long week, and even _Emrys_ has bad days."

The creatures seemed to consult with each other, though all Gwaine could make out was a sort of burbling noise one might hear from a burn. "Sorry Lord Emrys, I forgot that yesterday was not a celebration for _you._ We are water sprites of this lake, we serve the Magic. Some answer to Lí Ban if she calls, or to Lyr. _We_ serve the Magic. The Witch we have heard, and sensed. She no longer heals unless for her own ends. She claims the authority of one she does not serve. We come as willing friends to you Emrys, not as foes, nor as spies. Our own people are not as… Rooted as many others. The dryads and the fae. We go where the water goes, and healthy water flows through many lands. There are those who guard the sacred springs, and the headwaters, of a different ilk, but the water sprites and the merfolk, we follow the current, the fish, and the tow. We remain now only because the water is not yet healed, and it is our place to repair such damage. When it is, there will be others in our place. Good, yes, and gentle when warranted, but free. There are those to guard and build with ice, and those to guard the seas. We flow through so many places, and the water holds to no borders of men, so short lived; fickle and changeable. I believe my kinswoman and I shall tarry a little longer, until you have learned enough to be safe and guard your valley, it is our duty to the water and those who would live in it. It is a shame that you have been so neglected yourself Emrys. You must be careful. The Witch has felt a disturbance, though she doesn't yet understand what. She scrys where the spirits are _loyal_ to the triple goddess. The water will not show her the Emrys she seeks and it angers her. Some followers begin to question now if she is truly wishing for freedom. Or if conquest is her true desire, like her father. No longer is the resemblance hidden."

Merlin sighed. They couldn't just be simple and united. "Thank you my friends. I appreciate your help more than you know. If you wish to protect the water here, please spread the word that humans are protected. They are not to be taken, or led away. We will give them no reason to harm or curse the sea, or damage your home. If one of you breaks this command those loyal to the lakes protection are to report it, so that justice can be done accordingly. If they do not answer to _me_ , I shall pass the matter on to the Lady of the Lake."

Both blanched from head to toe. Apparently Merlin was far less scary than any of the women he shared things with.

"Consider it done Lord Emrys. Cordelia here is a gossip anyway under normal circumstances. Her command over the uncouth earthen tongues though leaves much to be desired, she doesn't like to use it on principle". He smiled, "I haven't been our spokesperson in a long time. Few enough men will see us. Some lands even claim that only females inhabit the sea. I worry about the weak minded going about unguarded. Even the solitary creatures must have a mate occasionally." He paused, "You know humans better Emrys, why do they never see us?"

Merlin shifted awkwardly, looking sideways to Gwaine, not liking the suggestion of humans and himself being different, "Well, I suppose that there are more men sailing far from the shore than women, and the _mermaids_ at least try to lure them in and seduce sailors. Quite effectively I'm told. Perhaps only the ones that would ah _notice_ men on land see the mermen and uh- _you."_

His smile brightened, "Ah, that would is fair, I suppose we can't hold it against them then. Perhaps we ought to hunt closer to the shore then, where washer women gath-"

Merlin scowled at him, "No! Bad water sprite! No hunting humans."

"What…do you mean not even to play with?" He looked shocked.

Merlin gestured wildly towards the lake behind them, "Well yeah. They can't breathe underwater, can they, so playing too far from the shore or too deep tends to kill them quite quickly."

The man looked puzzled for a moment. "Can't they? I suppose that would make sense… so when one says 'help' they mean 'out' not to swim?"

Dragging his hand across his face Merlin cursed mentally, "Oh. Dear. Goddess. OF COURSE THEY MEAN OUT YOU IDIOT!"

Even the woman was paying avid attention now, "What about outside of Albion. Does it work the same way there?"

Sighing Merlin answered him, wondering how exactly it was that Destiny had decided _he_ was best qualified for this, "Yes. Humans work the same way everywhere. Even the ones who wear odd clothes, or no clothes, or colour their skin, or have completely different skin. Humans are humans."

The sprite shook his head, appalled, "They're a bit helpless. Aren't they."

"Well… Yes. I suppose." Merlin glanced towards his friends hoping they weren't too personally affronted.

"And not very good at surviving on their own."

Merlin sighed, but had to agree, "No, not really.

"Do you think we should maybe help them when they get stuck at sea. I'm not sure why such bad swimmers keep trying to cross it and use wood. Don't they know the rocks are stronger than wood? They keep crashing. Even on the same bits." The sprite shook his head in consternation.

"... Yes. That's - that's actually not a bad point really. They would definitely benefit from some rescuing from time to time. Might even write you some ballads, or start leaving offerings if you did it a couple of times."

"Huh. I like songs."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Fine. How about _I_ write you a really great song, and you stop accidentally drowning humans OK?"

"Deal. My name's Moray. Oh, Cordelia wants her own song too." He grasped the hand of the woman next to him.

"Well that depends. Will _she_ leave all the humans alone too?"

The girl sighed in resignation and burbled. Moray nodded and translated for Emrys and his human.

"She says yes. Even outside of Albion where she thinks you can't see. _"_

Merlin tried not to appear sceptical, "Then yes, she will have her own song too. Humans add more verses of their own when you save them."

"I don't think the King should be talking to that mermaid Emrys. She hasn't heard the Rule yet!"

Merlin swore and leapt over the rocks between him and the mermaid, shouting in the Old tongue to freeze them both in place. Arthur was leaning over at the edge where the bed dropped sharply away, staring at someone whose burgundy curls would be easily dismissed as seaweed if she wished to be unseen. Merlin couldn't see what colour her tale was beneath the surface but that was not a concern; what _was,_ was the fact she was slipping a delicately webbed hand up his arms and smiling beguilingly.

"Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed? Oi! You! _Put him down_. Let. My. King. Go. You get one warning."

The mermaid trilled cheerfully, "But he's happy, he _wants_ to come and play."

Merlin crouched down next to them, ready to grab Arthur if he lurched forward, "Yeah but he's an idiot, and he's mine. Get your own Once and Future King!"

The mermaid pouted, "But I want this one. He matches the sand."

The warlock prayed for patience, he knew mermaids were often vain creatures and liked to collect things but this was a little too far. "Tough. He already belongs to Destiny and to Emrys. You can't have him."

She cocked her head and seemed to finally give him her full attention. "You're sure?"

Merlin reigned in the instinct to hiss at her, wondering if it was possible to instinctively know expletives in new languages. _"I'm_ Emrys, so yeah. Pretty sure. Leave the human alone. Since you seem to have forgotten, it is _not OK_ to seduce or hunt humans in Albion. Especially my friends. This one here? Believe it or not he's important. We plan to free magic, and that is a _lot harder_ to convince people of being a good idea if you lot start kidnapping them. If you're going to play, try talking to ones on already on boats, or saving the ones who can't swim _by taking them to shore_."

She looked at him in bemusement repeating slowly "Can't… Swim? Can't swim where?"

He grimaced, realising suddenly how odd the concept must be to one who lived their entire lives in deeper waters. "Anywhere, or just not very well." He tried keeping it simple.

The mermaid shook her head confidently, "Things do not go in the water if they can't swim Emrys."

Thinking about it Merlin was forced to concede that it was at least an _unusual_ habit. "Yes. Except humans. Humans are idiots. They are bad at avoiding danger, insist they can do impossible things without injury, and really deserve your pity for such poor decision making as _my_ human here has shown." He tried to ignore referring to them as a separate group to himself.

She nodded thoughtfully and withdrew her hand from Arthur's thigh, "Will he be safe with you?"

Merlin swallowed, "As safe as anyone with a Destiny _can_ be."

"Then you should keep him."

He rolled his eyes, feeling a headache building, " _Obviously._ He's the other side of the coin, and believe me, you might be able to handle _him_ but _I_ am a whole different thing. That man is _mine_ and you are only still breathing because you listened and I am _choosing_ to be merciful."

The girl seemed to understand something then and smirked, not a reaction he was expecting, _"You're_ the one they were talking about, Oh, Triton is _never_ going to believe I met you for real- he's such a sceptic about gossip- I didn't think you were real. Well, not _really real_ like this, but you don't look like an Emrys at all! The weather was all wrong and I thought the boys were lying when they said it wasn't them to not be in trouble- we're not supposed to do that without permission or an emergency. I should apologise to them. Oh! Wait; Are you staying? They'd believe me if I brought them to meet you."

Merlin's eyes widened, "No! I'm not staying. This wasn't even my plan for today."

Her face fell, Merlin _almost_ felt sorry for her, he knew _exactly_ how it felt to be disbelieved about important things, then she gasped and brightened, "Wait! If I give you a mirror, then they could see with the other half, and _then_ they'd believe me, will you take it? Oh _please? Please_ let me prove it! Otherwise they'll tease me for like, the next four hundred years at least!"

Merlin looked at her curiously, "What age _are_ you?"

"Even you must know that's a rude question." The girl looked offended.

He frowned slightly, "None of the women in my life look their age and it's confusing. Alright, I'll make you a deal, you can swim fast can't you, and spread messages quickly?" She nodded frantically

"Very fast! They call me Isla now for my speed between the isles. Others are better at swimming longer distances without tiring."

"Good. Then I'll take your mirror, and even use it, answer it to prove I exist if you spread the word to all of your people that there is to be _no hunting humans_ , and that _humans can't breathe water."_

"Just here?"

"No Isla, not just this lake. All of Albion is under my protection, and the Great dragon will inform me if you are taking them from outside the borders, and though they may _look_ like adults and have responsibilities, most are barely children to a creature of the Old religion. Think of the choices your merkids make. Children are impulsive, and run into danger. Humans- we don't live very long, they act a lot like that sometimes."

Isla nodded knowingly. "Ah. Then they are not _idiots_ exactly but children who have not yet learned? Yes, I see why it would be difficult to keep them safe then, perhaps it is best that they remain in the care of a guardian. Do you wish to keep the one who does not match the sand too?"

"Yes. He is no King, but he is Mine to guard nonetheless." She smiled at him, "I see, then you _would_ notice us all. My brothers owe me a razorshell each! Oh, here!" She pushed two unnaturally reflective shells at him. "There's a spare in case one is broken. Don't lose them!" She slipped beneath the waves and disappeared.

Arthur stood up with a dazed look on his face, "What just happened Merlin? I only looked at the water for a minute and then there was something fascinating, beautiful, and I can't remember what it was."

Merlin dragged him bodily from the edge, "It was death Arthur, a very pretty, very _deadly_ sea-woman, honestly you two are unbelievable, the pair of you are complete idiots. This," He flung his arms wide, "This is why we can't have nice things, do you realise how much more trouble this will be? _Now_ every time a fucking merman disbelieves _her_ I have to answer a bloody shell, because you lot couldn't stay away from the damn water!"

"Merlin?" Arthur said.

"WHAT!"

"Thank you."

The warlock deflated, the anger going out of him at the simple acknowledgment that had for so long been missing.

"It's ok. I shouldn't have been distracted enough for you to try and elope with a mermaid, I knew the risks. Man do you have a bad history with lakes. Probably best we keep you away from them."

"Aah, Princess has a history with lakes?" Gwaine asked pointedly.  
Merlin smirked, "Oh yes, he even tried to elope with Sophia once, and I ended up fishing him out armour and all. Told him I knocked him out with a piece of wood, and he believed it for a good couple of years."

"That, is a long time to believe an obvious untruth."

Merlin snorted, "You believed I was without magic for longer."

Gwaine shifted awkwardly, "Uh, no. Not exactly. I just thought it was much smaller magic."

They clambered up the bank, which being so close to the water was far less barren than much of the rest. It was all of five minutes before they heard a ringing horn pierce the air from the direction they had just left.

The knight sighed,"Come on, I think you are being summoned Emrys. The princess and I will keep well back and _not_ look at the water this time."

Merlin groaned "You'd better bloody not. Seriously, you make me talk to the aquatic equivalent of a teenage girl again and I might just let them take you. _You I_ can be sure they'll bring back and abandon. No knowing with the royal clotpole."

"Indeed. Indeed there is not, Merlin," Gwaine dropped to a crouch at the very top of the bank, "Arthur, sit your arse down, we'll stay here for a few minutes, and charge in swords drawn if it looks like he needs help." Merlin reached the edge of the deep part and sighed. Waiting there and significantly bigger, was a heavily bearded merman. Muscled, with dark grey eyes and a dappled green grey tail. Face stormy and jaw set, he did _not_ look like he was there to chat casually.

"Emrys." Well at least _this_ one recognised him on sight. "Yes?"

"I'm looking for my daughter. Purple hair this year, a little highly strung, listening skills of a clam?" His tone was more exasperated than _angry_ but Merlin had no doubt that lying to him would go down as well as lying to Arthur about his men.

"Uh, the only mermaid I've seen today is Isla sir."

Merlin felt rather out of his depth speaking to the parent of a creature of the old religion, he'd never actually met a family of them before. "That's her." he said grimly.

"I didn't realise she was out without permission. Or so young really." Merlin felt some guilt at his complicity in her disappearance.

"Of course you didn't, you can't even be 80 yet yourself." He stated matter of factly as though that explained all.

"Actually my two companions and I have less than 80 years between us."

He looked somewhat surprised. "What are you doing out unsupervised? Don't they care for your safety at all? And what was the triple goddess thinking putting children little more than fry in charge! Little wonder there has been such chaos! Very well. In light of that information I shall forgive you for the slips of self control and be more accommodating in future." He sighed. "I rather suspect I should be relieved there has been so little damage. Speaking of damage, my daughter. The imbalance and change in the Magic - don't panic young one, it is a good change - has her excited. I wish to find her before she gets herself into more trouble than she can get out of. "

Merlin looked guiltily aside, "I thought she was supposed to be out. She tried to 'collect' the Once and Future King." Her father palmed his face then, "Good grief, _tell me_ he got away."

"Yeah, the prat's fine, staying away from the edge this time. I was not impressed and the short version is I made a deal with Isla. No collecting or hunting humans, for me answering a shell… and gave her a job. She is to spread the word about rules regarding humans and that Albion is now under my protection."

The merman nodded thoughtfully, stroking his seaweed beard."Perhaps a job will keep her out of trouble. Did she forget how humans work again?"

Merlin frowned,"Is that common?"

"Only in the young ones. 25 years is hardly enough for _u_ s to forget, but it's long enough for a first century. They see few enough anyway. I'll speak to her, _and_ the others. When I am not looking for a rogue girl I shall meet with you properly to renew the treaties, but for now the peace holds Emrys. Give my greetings to Kilgarrah when you next see him. We have our disagreements, fire and water after all, but he has always held my respect and I was grieved at what was done to his home. My heart is glad to see it being restored."

"Who should I tell him sends word?" Merlin asked curiously.

"Tell him the Lord of the the seas around Albion. He will understand." The merman winked at him, "And I'll talk to Isla about working hours. Save you misuse of that _shell_ she gave you."

Relief flooded Merlin, " _Goddess, thank you!_ No one ever thinks about that!"

"No. They don't. That's not just a human thing either." The Sea Lord rolled his own eyes.

"You're Emrys, you do the mind hearing thing, yes?"

"Yeeeees" said Merlin cautiously.

"Good. If we need to speak, you will hear the horn that way. Easy to tell who is speaking to you then. Don't worry, I barely have Time to track recalcitrant daughters, let alone harass men on the land." He frowned.

"Will you catch up with her?"

Ah laughter like crashing waves startled him, "You doubt me? Ah, little one, I have been racing in these parts for longer than you would believe, she has no chance, though I may allow her the day if she really is following your instructions when I find her. I can see the North men in less than a day if I wish, not that I do often, but we all have days of not wishing to be found. Don't we."

He waved at the wryly smiling Merlin, "We do indeed. Good luck my lord, in your pursuit."

"Until we meet again Emrys. I wish you well in your own endeavours."

The man flipped over and disappeared, leaving a visible wake that had been absent when Isla left, and Merlin stood shaking his head. _"You and your kinsman will very soon need fuel to burn, consider this my contribution to restoration of this place Lord Emrys"_ Played in his mind, and with and immense wave, more seaweed the Merlin had ever seen was thrown up in piles about him.

Stepping away he walked back to Arthur and Gwaine. "Well, I feel more optimistic about that one being listened to. Shall we try again to leave?"

Arthur looked up at him seriously. "No Merlin. There was one more thing you needed to do before we leave this place. While you were talking to king fishy over there Gwaine and I were considering the lay here, and both agree about the most likely place for a settlement. Off the floodplain, but close enough to the water for convenience; there's a rise over there, look west, that is sheltered from the prevailing wind going by the direction the trees grown in, with a clear path down. If we're right, then you can rest easier tonight, and so can their spirits."

Merlin looked back to the ridiculous mound of seaweed and understood. "He knew what I needed." He murmured, aloud he agreed with Arthur, clapping him on the shoulder, and nodding gratefully to Gwaine.

"Well, my watery friend there has left us what we need to fuel a pyre, and I believe his hearing was better than we thought. Might as well take some with us on the first trip up. He knew this place as it was."

Gwaine followed them down, picking up a massive amount and making a disgusted face, this stuff doesn't smell pleasant. "It's a damn sight better than the other part."

"Sorry Merlin. Maybe it improves. At least the folk would recognise it."

Arthur walked in Silence, hyper aware of every movement and sound. His father had done this. He wasn't even here but the blood of every victim was on Uther Pendragon's hands, and he could no longer blame magic folk for fearing he was the same. Couldn't wonder if they were just being paranoid. This reality was what Hunith had hidden Merlin from. What Gaius had tried to hide from both of them. Perhaps even out of kindness. Some of the time; because Arthur _did_ feel some abstract sense of responsibility. If he hadn't been born, these people would never have died. Or would a different event have one day led Uther to violence. He didn't know.

Merlin knew before they got to it that his friends had guessed correctly. The chill in the air was the same. The oppressive darkness that was felt rather than seen, like a blot on the landscape. This time was different. Yesterday, with Gaius had been a joint grief, both of them having suffered, and been oppressed by exactly that. This time, it was with two people he wanted to build the future with, taking practical action, facing the real victims of such brutality, and taking responsibility for healing the torn and traumatised communities. A closure of that chapter.

He saw where the wide entrance had been, and some of the posts for a trackway still remained. Gwaine and Arthur both stopped there. "Go on, you first. It's you they'd welcome."

Merlin gulped, and stepped over the threshold, unable to disagree with them.

He laid down his armful in the centre. "There's no ditch here Merlin." Said Gwaine softly at his shoulder.

"No." He breathed. "But there's a midden. There's always that."

Arthur focused on not emptying his stomach as Gwaine nodded tightly and scanned the area as though it was a village he arrived in looking for the local tavern or a spare floor.

His voice was harsh as he nodded to a smaller mound not far away. "Seems like an awful lot of shells concentrated in one place so far up. You think you're ready Merlin?"

Merlin snorted, "Can you ever be for something like this? They didn't burn the place and risk an escape, the huts are empty; c'mon."

Gwaine's voice was flat as he turned to Arthur, "Princess. Let's put the past to rest. Show 'em you mean what you say about peace."

Arthur's tone was equally empty when he answered, "Thank you Sir Gwaine. I grasp the significance."

Gwaine nodded, lips pressed together and smacked his king on the shoulder, Merlin walked silently round, he could see the white of what he knew was too big to be shell.

"We were right Gwaine."

"I'm sorry Merlin,"

The warlock shook his head, "You've nothing to apologise for. You're here now… and they'd have welcomed you then. I knew what Uther's men did with us. I've seen it. I don't know why it still throws me." He sighed, "Let's do this." and he very carefully picked up the first skull, carrying it gently up to the knoll.

Arthur couldn't stop the shaking as he picked up the fragile bones he knew belonged to someone young. They followed in Merlin's footsteps silently, until there were far, far too many silent accusation laid out side by side, and the warlock was angrily brushing at his face. Arthur wasn't, only ignoring the wetness. "Merlin? We need more fuel. Can you bring some from the shore? Gwaine and I are at risk of doing something stupid that we can't afford. We can continue here…"

Arthur still looked grey, and Merlin knew that the exercise had done something for Arthur that words never could. His servant nodded, the Prince was right, and the few minutes alone would help."

As Merlin disappeared Arthur lost the battle against nausea seeing the tiniest body yet, and felt relief that that one hadn't been Merlin's. "Gwaine. I need… I need you to carry this one. The woman wouldn't wish her babe carried by the son of Uther Pendragon. No matter what my motivation it would be… disrespectful." His knight didn't hesitate, keeping his voice low, "And that there is why people follow you, why they trust that you will be different. You care, when it matters."

Merlin walked back to them trying to put some order to his thoughts, and found his friends laying out the people of the village with as much respect as they would show knights and his throat ached.

Arthur seemed to sense him, and turned. Given the situation, Merlin had decided just to float what he couldn't carry up behind him. A small part of him felt it was an act of some defiance, proving that even at his most brutal, Uther Pendragon could never crush Magic. It would always survive somehow.

Arthur didn't even blink at the display, "Merlin. No one will ever live in this place again. Will they?"

He looked around the place and knew the answer in his heart. "No Arthur. This will become a shrine, no one will live here again."

"Then I think we should strip the roofs- hear me out merlin. I do not wish to desecrate their memory, but this- this is a tomb, not a home. We need more fuel to do this properly, and I don't want to touch the new growth, it would be wrong. Even I can see that."

Merlin looked at the massive pile of weed behind him, it would catch and burn quickly, but Arthur was right. There were just too many without it. He forced himself to breathe evenly.

"Alright. Then let's do it properly, and I'll have Finian come out and mark it with warnings and protective runes at sunrise tomorrow."

There were few words exchanged as the men worked, more out of respect than any other factor. Arthur was honestly shocked that Merlin was including him at all.

Finally satisfied that it would work the three stood back, Gwaine and Arthur looking towards Merlin for a signal. "This will never happen again. Let this place stand as a testament to the history of our land and a symbol. We will be _better_ than this, and fight against oppression and injustice. Always.

He spoke a blessing that neither man beside him could understand, but Gwaine wrapped a hand around Merlin's own as he raised the other and shouted with his eyes liquid gold; "sæbát bælfýr mæst!"

The pyre burst into flames, far hotter than any similar that Arthur had been at, it was as if he could feel the rage, the pain and grief pouring off with the heat, and pushing away the influence of his father he allowed himself to cry. For the injuries dealt to his people, for not knowing, for accepting his father's teaching and following it so long; for his friend, for Morgana, even for Gaius.

It was a long time before the flames died back to something smouldering.

Gwaine suspected there was something unusual in the seaweed, but it didn't really matter either way. Arthur's hand rested on Merlin's shoulder, despite his concern about how low the sun was dipping. "Let it be known that the Once and Future King and Emrys are rightfully come." Rolled a ringing voice from behind them. All three jumped and turned around to see the piercing eyes of the one claiming Queenship. "You passed the test King Arthur. I am glad. Go in peace, my people knew those that you saw to their rest, we will guard the pyre until it dies, then _I_ will leave. I doubt we shall meet again King Arthur. Emrys- well, it is impossible to say with such lives where we shall be taken, I take my leave of you, go, there is much to be done. This place and the humans are safe now."

Merlin couldn't remember when he'd last felt so tired and was more grateful than ever for Camelot's use of horses for so many journeys. They were all sweat covered, smeared with ash and soot, with mud to their knees and various skelf even in calloused skin. Merlin without even his neckerchief.

When they had left the glen behind them Arthur turned to Merlin slowly, somberly, "Merlin, I am sorry, but I will need you to draw a bath when we reach Camelot, I cannot explain this to anyone, and it would put you at risk. After that I want you and Gwaine to have your own and then sleep. Together, apart, I don't care, just rest if you possibly can. Forget the second Catha, and Percival, they will be there tomorrow. We will still be the coin, the two sides, and saving everyone will still be our responsibility. To do it all well I need you to save yourselves a bit tonight. You'll fight the better for it when I need you to. I don't want you staying up another night in a row to spend trying to solve impossible problems and working."

Merlin looked at Arthur rather brokenly. "Will you?"

"Today was as much of a shock to me as yesterday was to you Merlin. These things were done at my father's command on the pretext of my mother's death; my birth. You were all girly and _emotional_ about grass, so I _know_ it is better than yesterday, and the whole damn valley looked dead when I saw it, that is- that is scary Merlin. I need to think… And because of who and what you are I need to do so alone. Otherwise all I see is you in their place and that is not constructive. I _need_ you functional, able to think sensibly- or as sensible as you ever get, and you're exhausted right now. In case you haven't noticed so is Sir Gwaine beside you, despite his uncharacteristic lack of complaints. Before discussing the way forward with you, and Lord Geoffrey, I need to gain some clarity myself. I need to be alone tonight, and you need to not be… If this unfolds as I expect, there will no doubt be nights where our situation is reversed. Magic did that- and yet it's the same thing that's bringing it to life."

He was correct. Merlin had had plenty of nights where he _did_ need to be alone… and many where he needed not to be and had no choice but to endure it.

"Yes sire." There was no sarcasm in his voice now, simply respect for his King and acknowledgement of the responsibility weighing on Arthur at this moment.

"Just one thing, and it's important Arthur. _Magic_ didn't kill that place. Your father did. Not magic. _Poisoning of magic,_ in a sacred place no less _,_ the murder of my family, and a completely _non-magical_ king bent on exterminating it killed the land; and make no mistake Arthur, hate is just as real a poison. The land of Camelot is dying because magic is being bled from it. The people who used to heal, create medicines, who saved lives are gone now, all but Gaius and I- and my Catha friends. Uther's hate and will to destroy all magic brought us only death, and Magic gave it back life.  
Morgana and I ultimately use the same raw force, as she is a Witch and I am a Warlock, as opposed to being Sorceress and sorcerer; it is defined by how it is channeled. She knows no other way but Uther's, Morgause's. He told her she was a monster and she believed it. They took her hatred of herself and redirected it. Made her a weapon. Love changes everything. In a way you are lucky that by some twist of fate it was Morgana who Uther paid attention to, as in sheer power I outstrip her. Had it been me who was tormented and raised to abhor love? I dread to think Arthur. You would never have stood a chance. No one would."

"You think you're that good" There was no judgement in the Prince's voice, but he'd never seen Merlin actually _challenged._

Merlin's brows knit, "Not _good_ , that implies skill level… but _powerful?_ Arthur I threw the spirit of Sigan from my body the day I got the spell, without time to practice, with no sleep, or training, at the age of seventeen. With access to a library, Gaius, and a dragon? Fuck Arthur. It's not prideful boasting, but false modesty on me and Morgana results in deaths. _Other people's_ deaths. I don't want that, any more than you do. She doesn't know who I am, or what she's felt, but she knows something in the balance of the world has changed, and she never was a patient woman. The merman's warnings were clear. You have the support of even the bloody _vilia,_ but we do not have time for you to waver in your conviction."

Arthur swallowed and took a deep breath. "I'm not, Merlin. I keep forgetting just what kind of _scale_ you're on, but I'm really not reconsidering reversing the laws. This was a stark reminder of what failure truly means for Camelot, and how vital it is to get it right. Whatever else he wasn't, father was always _certain. Confident._ I'm full of doubt about _how_ to implement these things, of questions. Aaargh!" He threw the closest thing to hand.

"You need a break, and some quiet Princess. Merlin, stop freaking out, it's not helping. He's a prat, but he's not going to go and do exactly what he's helped clean up today, and you know that. We _all_ need to bathe, eat, and sleep. Sire, you know I think you're a spoilt ass, so you also know I wouldn't lie to spare your over indulged ego. In _days_ you've forced the council to remove the laws preventing sorcerers graves and passing being marked, removed the penalties for knowing folk with magic or being related to them. You've made this one start actual training, and accepted men you _knew_ had magic staying within Camelot's walls, and gone a long way- albeit in anger- to fixing the gaps in your education. Completely aside from today. I'm not going to suggest you do something stupid. You can't leave the city tomorrow, but short of an attack, we're taking you hunting _for real_ the day after. If I have to drug this mad bastard here to get him to sleep, I fucking will. As he has reliably informed me I have no shame, and thus removed any motivation for me to pretend otherwise. Do what you need to Princess." He didn't touch the prince who may as well have been wearing foot-long spikes.

Merlin closed his eyes and sought his centre, "I think… I think it's time to talk to Gaius Arthur. Not me. You. I'm too _involved_. I can't be objective. I'm too used to telling him shit, you- you aren't. He knows though, and he respects you greatly. More than he holds for me at least." He couldn't smile, but he hoped it was enough of a gesture to affirm his trust in his best friend. It came as a shock as a still-spikey Arthur clapped him on the shoulder, apparently trying to uncomfortably put Merlin's preference for human contact over his own comfort. That he didn't run screaming when Merlin pointed out that he was very much _not_ a safe pet sorcerer was enough of a miracle for the warlock. That he was accepting a relationship of sorts between Merlin and _Gwaine_ of all people was astonishing to the man, especially given that _that_ wasn't exactly legal either. Gwaine calmly reminding the coin spinning madly of how big a difference had already been made, rather than them both focusing on the daunting things remaining, was strangely grounding. A sane encouragement Merlin wasn't accustomed to.

Arthur looked fractionally less frantic as he looked between them. "You're right. Geoffrey said Rome wasn't built in a day. Shall we give Albion the same grace?"

"So, like two weeks? Four? I want a holiday when it's done you know. At least two days." Merlin managed to drag up some of his usual attitude.

Arthur huffed, "I'll think about it."

"I want enough ale to keep us sane until then." Deadpanned Gwaine.

"Sorry Gwaine. Camelot does not have that much ale, and importing it would mean explaining why it was necessary."

"Damn."

"Damn indeed Sir Gwaine. I doubt that the council could be conned into that one somehow."

"I bet Merlin could-"

Merlin shoved him, "That's abuse of one's powers Gwaine. Ethics. Morals and shit. I'll give you the proper lectures when I can think again. Sorry Arthur. I know you are serious, and yesterday that place… yeah it turned me inside out a bit. I'll fix your breakables before I go to bed so you can break them again."

That raised a smile from the prince, and a light chuckle, "I would appreciate that. Might need redone in the morning I think."

"Aye, that's the one thing I'm not short of, bloody housekeeping spells that I can hardly ever use to cheat."

They the rest of the way in a tense but calmer state.

The stablehand was surprised to see them back looking as though the party had been attacked, but as _good_ servants did, kept his opinion to himself. Merlin was immensely grateful to the prat for once for imperiously ordering Merlin to go ahead of him immediately and draw him a proper bath. He didn't think he could have managed sorting out the horses as well today. Gwaine peeled off, bowing properly to Arthur, I'm gonna sort the same for us if you don't mind sire."

Arthur grimaced, "I can't send a tub to Merlin's chambers, much as it's needed."

Gwaine agreed quietly, "No, but as a knight I can order one to mine. If you don't object."

"See to it Gwaine, I'll send him there after."

Merlin managed to organise a bath for the prince with minimal physical labour, and added a tiny bit of magic to the water, but not enough to risk drowning the prince. Stripping off the clothes that would forever bear some sign of the day and climbing painfully into the tub, Arthur looked Merlin over closely. "You look terrible."

"So do you." Merlin's lips twitched and slightly hysterical laughter burst from both.

"Well that was- that was _something."_

"We met a fairy queen."

"You befriended a runaway mermaid girl."

" _After_ you nearly let her drown you, cabbage head."

"Sorry about that."

"S'okay. It's not like it's the first time I've kept you from drowning."

"True. You put magic in my bath again didn't you."

"Maybe a little bit. Less though, it's go cold."

Arthur hesitated. "I saw there what you and Gaius saw." He said very carefully,

"Yes." Merlin knew no flowery words could help.

"I can't stop seeing it. Them."

Merlin swallowed hard, refusing to cry again. "No."

"I'm sorry Merlin. I didn't do it, but there was a time not so long Iago I might have, there are things I cannot undo." It was impossible for him to meet Merlin's eyes as he admitted it.  
"Likewise; but you have gone a long way today towards making reparations. You didn't order others to face the consequences on your behalf, you recognised their humanity. Even passed a test you didn't know was being given."

Arthur nodded thoughtfully. "Did you?"

Merlin snorted, "Please, my life is filled with tests, quests, and painful choices that I am never warned of set by almost everyone else, that frequently conflict with one another. I've given up trying to keep track, and mostly try to keep everyone alive and intact without actually breaking destiny and the balance of the world. I had no idea they had some mad idea of us proving ourselves, but to be fair she did also make me strip and bare my soul, so it's hard to feel much sympathy for you right now."

The prince considered him pensively, "Are you going to get the official marks they expected?"

Merlin folded his arms as though expecting an attack, "Yeah. I think I _have to_ Arthur, but I kind of- a part of me _wants to._ It feels _right._ I don't know if it's a weird Old religion thing, or a magic pulling me thing, or just a _me thing._ Sometimes they aren't really that different, or overlap, like the Old religion designed me to be a convenient tool at will and sometimes I just don't work correctly. Do you mind?"

Servant or not Merlin wasn't asking for _permission,_ but he _was_ curious about the prince's opinion. Arthur had been raised in a very tightly controlled environment and most things deemed 'different' had been demonised. Shrugging, he looked at the pale skin he now knew wasn't so pale at all, or even just marked by Aredian, and realised something, "These runes, and symbols, you _choose_ them don't you? They aren't a _requirement_ that's forced are they?"

Merlin smiled softly, "No, it's not forced, there are certain conditions that can be associated with refusal, but it's largely for practical reasons. I would choose the designs, with some guidance from someone more knowledgeable about nuance."

Arthur nodded, it would give Merlin a measure of control over what others saw that he currently lacked, and what they asked. "It's _your_ body. As long as you don't do anything completely ridiculous or get anything done drunk, stick as many needles in yourself as you like. Don't challenge me for Camelot. Or get Gwaine's name inked on you. Otherwise I think we're good."

Merlin laughed quietly, "Who would ever tattoo someone's name on themselves? I'll be careful. I think it would help gain support from some groups who are unsure of me though to have at least the basic traditional symbols done."

"Then I guess we'd best take one of your _skilled_ men hunting with us. You can't exactly have it done here in the castle, can you?"

Arthur smiled properly at the stunned look on his secret-warlock's face. "Seriously?"  
"Do you think I would joke about this?" He raised a brow at the man, somewhat less effective when dripping hair was falling into his eyes.

"No; but there are many things that I wouldn't have believed about my life right now."

That was fair though Arthur.

"Merlin, I am relaxing in a well earned, pleasing bath. You are disrupting that with your filthy quest-debris, and stink, and I'm afraid I must demand you go and remedy the situation. Immediately. There is a tub waiting, but for entirely practical reasons it has been placed in Sir Gwaine's quarters, and you'll just have to tolerate him since I refuse to have some poor underpaid servant lugging a heavy tub all the way upstairs for _you_ to luxuriate in your own chambers. He's expecting you. Send boring George up as we agreed earlier. He's far too boot licky to put up with for long, but he does suffice. Do fix the broken things first though, I think seeing the current destruction may actually kill the man, he has the constitution of a nervous hare."

Merlin finally registered the devastation they had wrought earlier and gasped, "Oops. I hadn't noticed."

A smile pulled at Arthur's lips, "I'm not sure if that's due to tiredness or just normal you being oblivious to chaotic surroundings."

"My chaos is voluntary. Mostly." He feigned hurt, and waved his hand across the room chanting the appropriate fix-it's and gratefully walked stiffly to the door, "Goodnight Arthur." He didn't wait for a response before leaving, too desperate to feel clean and _human_ again. George was a creature of habit so always easy to find, and looked horrified at Merlin having left the Prince alone. Percival saw him enter the knight's quarters and smiled knowingly, "The door'll be open. I'm going to be somewhere else until late. Very late. Maybe even tomorrow. Shield the room will you, when you look less terrible."

Merlin didn't bother arguing. He wasn't sure you actually _could_ engage Percval in an argument, but it seemed pointless anyway. Instead he simply thanked the gentle giant, and tried not to crumple under the hand on his shoulder that shoved him lightly to the right door. Percival even winked as he left. Merlin doubted he had a shred of energy left to do more than fall into hot water and collapse in a bed, but the acceptance was nice and warmed him in a way he hadn't known before. Or realised was missing.


	49. Chapter 49

Gwaine smiled when he saw Merlin standing in the door. He hadn't expected Arthur to _not_ let his servant go, but he had half expected them both to get distracted for much longer, as they did. That Merlin didn't bother to knock he considered a small victory; he knew that the man never did before going into Arthur's chambers, for very different reasons- initially it had pissed the prince off, and they weren't always friends. Here Gwaine knew that it meant he no longer felt that he _had to_ o or should check first he was welcome. Instead assuming that he was and that Gwaine would chuck him out honestly if he was wrong.

Not knowing how long Merlin would be, the knight had stripped and got into the bath himself while it was still steaming. Unlike Merlin, he couldn't effortlessly reheat things.

He lazily waved from where he was soaking, "C'mon, shut the door. Unless you _want_ more speculation."

Merlin shook his head and looked over wryly as he did so, "You mean it isn't rampant already?"

"It always is Merlin. Poor innocent Lance was defending your honour though. Didn't have the heart to tell him not to."

"Perce knows. I don't know how, but he made a point of telling me he'll be out late, maybe all night. Then shoved me at your door."

Gwaine laughed then, "Man's not stupid, just quiet. Sorry mate but I don't think I'm going to be much use for more than warmth tonight, I'm fucking wrecked, but you look at least as bad. I haven't said anything. Never did ask, do you want me to deny it if those old women ask?"

Merlin snorted, it's the knights. I don't exactly advertise my flexibility, but it's something of an open secret, at least with a couple close to Arthur. Same's you. Now budge up, or I _won't_ reheat the water." It took some reshuffling and contortion but Merlin managed to fit his gangly self into the bath without forcing Gwaine out of it first.

"Don't drown me. I've no idea how Eileen did it, but I will come back and trail the pair of you if you do."  
"After _preventing_ the pair of you drowning earlier? Seems a pity to ruin my hard work."

"Maybe. I can't say I'd blame you. We didn't really help being there today." Gwaine's brow creased.

"No! No, Gwaine. It- you helped. Having you both there, it was… It was _different._ Until now, if something awful happened, or I had to deal with something like that, I was alone- always alone. I'd come back and go straight back into work, or stopping the plot, or whatever it was. It was horrible, but it also meant I never had time or luxury to look back or think about it the same way, or have anyone look at me expectantly, or guess what I was really distracted by. Daydreams were just that. Unimportant, even if they were. Now…"

"Now you feel like someone is watching and that's what you've spent an entire life avoiding."

"Yeah. But… if I'd been alone, I'd still be watching a pyre in its early stages _now,_ none of you would have any idea, Gaius would tell Arthur I was at the tavern or something, I'd come in in the early hours of the morning, and be punished for being a drunk tomorrow. You'd all see my grief as a hangover. It's still disorienting to me."

Gwaine looked at him seriously, "You wouldn't have told anyone, would you?"

Merlin shrugged, "Maybe Lance, if it was bad enough. He'd have covered and probably told Arthur I was sick."

Gwaine nodded slowly, "He's a good man. How long has he known?"

Merlin chuckled, "Since we killed the griffin."

"We?"

"He held and thrust the spear and I made it effective on griffins. Turns out blue flames engulfing your weapon are hard to miss."

Gwaine laughed, 'One would hope."  
"Oh you'd be surprised what people miss around here. Or forget," Merlin frowned.

"Oi, Not working right now."

Merlin tried to move. "Ugh, you know what, this is stupid." He stood up and gauged how far apart the walls were and calmly spoke, holding one hand over the water, and Gwaine gasped as it widened and lengthened enough for two, though there was no way they'd ever get it out of his chambers. 'Worth it' thought Gwaine.

Merlin sighed in relief as he sunk into the water properly.

"Better?" Gwaine looked at his friend in amusement.

"I don't see you complaining."

"This seems like a frivolous use of your magic Merlin, and has my full approval. C'mere, and stop death clutching the cloth."

Merlin threw it at him.

"You did well with Mab. You're really going to stop hiding the scars?"

Merlin frowned, "I made a deal by the Old religion. It's not the kind you just break. It will always hold you to your word. Yes, I meant it, but I'm terrified, not least of people noticing if they have 'appeared' suddenly."

"Merlin, no one you haven't slept with is going to notice _that,_ and Mab did leave you the freedom to cover the ink at least."

"I suppose. At least I know you're not about to run away screaming." Merlin said, letting some of the aches be soothed by the water as he washed away the dirt, and Ash, and sweat.

"Yeah, doesn't really make sense to run away when you see manifest proof of someone's courage and determination. Scars aren't some badge of victory like Leon thinks, but neither are they something to be ashamed or embarrassed about, they're just another part of you."

Merlin leaned back, "Do you mind if I add magic to the bath? It feels wrong that Arthur's should be better than mine with _that."_

"What are you waiting for?"

Gwaine saw Merlin blush lightly and rolled his eyes. "I like magic. Have missed it in Camelot after travelling around, there's always corners and I had my own disappearing to do from time to time. I'll always want to see, no hiding, alright? Not here." With the magic added to the water there was a huge improvement as muscles loosened, and he felt more refreshed. Merlin jumped when water was poured over his head without warning. "It had seaweed in, I'm not sticking that stuff in my bed for the sake of saving a few minutes, especially given how it got there. Properly clean before you can collapse on the bed."

Merlin groaned as Gwaine worked the soap through his hair and mumbled "Want yours done?" Gwaine shook his head, smirking at the reaction, "You were late. Already done mine, you'll have to save that for another night."

"Then do you mind me getting rid of the water? Otherwise I think it might be your turn to stop me drowning, I don't think my limbs work anymore."

The knight nudged him gently, "I won't leave you to drown. You're the only one who can cook edible food." Merlin sent him a mock glare. It wasn't true; Percival could cook. The rest of them had a basic grasp of what wasn't poisonous, but no clue how to do anything fancier than that, forget seasoning.

Merlin told the water to go and slowly climbed out, managing the three steps to the bed before flopping onto the bed. Far bigger and better than he'd been accustomed to until very recently, but at this moment he was quite certain not even Kilgarrah's shout could wake him. If it did he wasn't going. A mostly dried Gwaine rolled him over and pulled the blankets up over them, draping an arm over Merlin and both were asleep before Merlin could question it.

Gwen waited. She knew that Merlin started work early, but she still woke at dawn from a lifetime of service, so had brought down the first set of clothes Arthur commissioned, the ones that all the materials had been ready and waiting for. No one answered. Merlin being gone at night was never a good sign.. It usually meant her helping Gaius patch him up, or a plot against Arthur… or Camelot. Mostly Arthur.

Constrained by the rules of court she did _not_ curse as she may once have done, but counted to ten, and considered what to do. She could hardly be angry at the man; she never tried to grab what they had jokingly referred to as 'breakfast' together before work since she became a courtier. He'd no reason to expect she might visit anymore… or to answer if she did. It wasn't a comfortable realisation.

It was too early to take them over to Arthur's chambers as the prince would likely still be asleep, and he had been rather short tempered with most of them recently, especially those with anything to do with Uther.

There was a time she wouldn't have had to wonder where Merlin was or if he was likely to be in someone else's chamber, if there was a 'friend' she'd have known already.

Now she found that she was frustratingly in the dark, and that was not a comfortable feeling, there were a couple of the knights he was close to, but she hadn't quite realised it extended to sleeping over- if it did.

Sighing Gwen decided she'd have to try again later, No-one would appreciate her waking Gaius earlier than necessary, and she wasn't sure what to say to Hunith. Last time they'd spent together, both had ultimately been of equal status, Morgana had been _helping_ them, she and Merlin had been closer, and there were no men. Returning to her own rooms she decided to finish the next garment instead of waiting with no guarantee the man would return, or what state he'd be in when he did. It left her plagued by curiosity though. It always had when he left, turned up as though he'd never been gone, and had no tales or souvenirs except injuries. She'd always hated that Arthur didn't seem to notice those, but he was the Prince, even the servant who had on occasion pointed things out to him and scolded him had limits to keep.

Merlin didn't count.

Arthur was not asleep. He hadn't been to bed that night at all. The day before had been eye opening, and he knew it was a fraction of the whole, he really had thought he'd understood. The lists had been horrifying, and he _knew then._ Seeing was another thing entirely. Acknowledging responsibility and realising that it was not neatly confined to the courtyard in his father's castle with the occasional execution. Or his periodic raids, which Arthur had disliked, questioned even, but still obeyed. He used the forests to find peace, and others used them to desperately try and avoid notice.

He _knew_ children died in the Purge, even if they hadn't been 'executed', it was illegal to take in the child of a sorceress. No infant or young child would survive long alone. Merlin might not have fully realised yet, but Gwaine definitely did, had in his own way _lived_ it. Had the children in the dead valley been spared they'd have starved, or been picked up by the worst kind of traders who _knew_ where to find the vulnerable. There had been naive children come to plead in his father's court for mercy, or relief for younger siblings, and died for it when he found the reason for their destitution was a related sorcerer. Unlike many kings, Uther had been happy, even keen, to help out those others who paid what taxes they could and had a bad harvest. It had pleased Arthur that his father acted to save peasants when they could, and yet it was suddenly so ridiculous. Even then Uther had been happy to have Merlin die from drinking poison, or given to Valiant, or other visiting nobles for their own twisted ends. Staying up hadn't really helped, only forced him to consider more than before. How much had Morgana worked out that others had missed he wondered. Merlin and Gwaine called her a Seer, so exactly what did she _See?_ He couldn't remember. Arthur had never really listened to the ramblings about nightmares of a young girl, even one he cared for, grieved for. They were only dreams. Literal dreams didn't come true.

When she woke screaming, and alone. Why? Had she watched the truth of Uther's campaign? No wonder the girl had become unstable! Had she seen his own worst actions to be so afraid of telling him her fears? Or was it his acceptance of Uther's 'one major blindspot' and refusal to openly challenge the king about it. It wasn't so much that he didn't _care_ , but that he accepted there was such a thing as necessary evils to protect the majority of the people from a minority who posed a serious threat. It never occurred to him that he was reinforcing her own belief that _she_ was a threat, a danger, a _monster,_ Merlin had said. Morgana had never heard another choice than to be a weapon. He couldn't forgive her attack on Camelot's people, but he forgave her the _treason_ and attempts he now knew she had made on his father's life. Hell, if he'd known then what he knew now he'd have been her alibi or accomplice if he wasn't guilty of regicide himself.

The previously fixed breakables lay in shards again.

That he had been allowed to help in creating the memorial was a wonder, and he wondered how painful it had been for Merlin to watch, and yet it was healing in a strange way. Between the waves of self loathing and anger, Arthur saw that he had been allowed a place on hallowed ground. Been actively involved not in covering the actions and evidence of his father's genocide, but in creating a memorial, a place he suspected would come to serve for those who would never be found, or had no one left to remember them.

How would things have been if Morgana had been honest with him, if anyone had been honest with _her._ They might have ruled together. If either could 'learn to share' as Merlin had put it; he thought he was doing rather well with that actually. Merlin was still _his,_ and even if he was ignoring it, he doubted Merlin had missed the Queen's 'soulmate' slip either. If it stopped him being sacrificed, Arthur wasn't going to complain. It could be worse. He'd met most of the princesses. It could definitely be worse.

While Gwaine's lack of possessiveness towards any bed partners had puzzled Arthur as much as most of the knights, it might just work to his advantage with Merlin. Trained to analyse the practical aspects, and implications of any romantic attachments or relationships, it was natural for Arthur to do so now; he suspected Gwaine did something similar for very different reasons. Arthur knew exactly what he could and couldn't offer, and what he was and wasn't willing to accept. The children of kings were traded in contracts that set things out explicitly, and their value weighed like cattle in a market. He had no doubt that Gwaine had seen it up close as a child and rejected as thoroughly as possible. Having heard his views previously, he was well aware that Gwaine saw it as no better than buying a woman for sex, but far worse as it bound them permanently, and did not require the consent of the girl involved. Merlin shrugged off the rules he considered silly, but Gwaine openly condemned them as nigh barbaric; he also understood the Prince's choices were all too often an illusion trapped as he was. There was a reason he'd never let them catch him, and it wasn't _just_ a dislike of nobles. He held his own in Court despite the gossip, he enjoyed his ale and mead, but he'd never challenged a visiting Lord without good cause. His education was good enough to rival Arthur's own and included topics that had been barred from both Merlin and Arthur, granting him some advantage. He was an idiot, but not stupid, which neither side of the prophesied coin could have tolerated; certain stresses and frustrations that Merlin couldn't relate to Gwaine would recall as unpleasant but not unfamiliar and required by tradition or a visiting ass. He was tempted to try and put coin on how short a period the association between his knight and his manservant would last, but concluded it would be dishonest and possibly unfair.

Merlin was a good man, but inexperienced in anything that drew attention to him; skilled in redirection, and though he'd hate it being referred to as such, manipulation. He had to be to survive. As the focus in a formal discussion? Arthur had his doubts. That was a very different game to speaking to a small group in a 'safe' environment. It was clear that some part of him still feared the pyre and the loss of those he loved, even after Arthur had started to change the laws. He understood better after today, unlearning that terror wouldn't be easy, and in council the power hungry should never get claws in your weaknesses. _Emrys_ was powerful, influential, and Arthur desperately needed to keep him grounded.  
Not something he could always do, and not something he would always understand _how_ to do. He'd still been shaped by Uther, and brought up to the king's values, was still a prince, with all the entitlement attitude and expectations that went with that. Even if he _could_ do it, the majority of the time, he was not free to do as he wished, and had to deal with other situations before attending to people he cared about. Arthur had always known that, and that he _had_ to always set aside the one for the many. He had been taught to reduce a person and their life to hard data, a value and a necessity; Merlin never had, and simply couldn't do it. Arthur loved and hated in equal measure that he forced Arthur to see the individual person.

Emotional support and listening was not _his_ strong point.

Nor was there any way for Gwaine to fully appreciate the sheer weight and pressure of being responsible for the fate of a kingdom, the lives of each man, woman, and child, who you would likely never even meet. The horror and desperation when you _didn't_ have the answers necessary and yet had people looking expectantly towards you in good faith. The feeling when someone died for you, or in our name; one you loved or one you never knew who was still willing to have faith. Arthur could understand and empathise with all of that. Knowing that Merlin offered the same support, solace, and wisdom was almost overwhelming. Thinking about it, it was bordering on miraculous there hadn't been _more_ damage. It was hard enough to make good decisions, wise decisions, about such things when he had been groomed from infancy to do so, challenging even with advisors and records to consult. Merlin was a _farmer._ A farmer, and a servant, and had been offered no training whatsoever in leadership, or making such choices. He could even forgive freeing the dragon in light of the rest- because yes, once he realised that Merlin was a very powerful warlock, the last dragonlord, and on first name terms with him, it wasn't _that_ difficult. There seemed to have been solid reasons for the rest of his actions, and Arthur wasn't ready to hear the details of that one. Might never be now.

Between them though, Arthur was confident he and Gwaine _could_ keep Merlin from spiralling.

Arthur was also absolutely certain that keeping Emrys Safe, and working with or through him was vital to establishing lasting peace. If someone killed Emrys, especially if they did it 'for Arthur's sake' it wouldn't hold. If he held the position of a leader of the Old religion, or Druids, or Catha, attacking _him_ would be to attack them _all._ Exactly the same as if someone killing or harming Arthur would be regarded as an act of war and offence against the kingdom.

Merlin appeared not to have worked it out yet, so Arthur had to hope that _meeting him_ would be enough to convince any others that no-one could actually call the warlock to heel effectively. Except for his mother. Perhaps spending time with the crazy servant-dragonlord-warlock-highpriest-peasant idiot would convince them of the futility of trying to _stop_ him careening off or disappearing. Or maybe there would be less of that now. Arthur really, really hoped there would. That he'd at least take someone or tell them where he was going.

Working out what to do about his father wouldn't wait long. Rumours spread quickly, and there would be speculation from nobles within a fortnight of Uther's full absence from court. Arthur's hand went to the fading bruise on his cheek. He had been acting as a temporary regent, intended to hand the power back over when he'd taken up the mantle. He had to move to make it permanent now, and the only practical way was on health grounds. If he did so on grounds of 'illness' they may expect a recovery. If he claimed 'injury' the council would want proof, or an investigation into how it happened. Beginning a rule by placing every close king and chief under suspicion was a good way to start a war. They had enough of that. Subterfuge, or perhaps lifting the veil of lies would require cooperation from Gaius and Lord Geoffrey, but it was that or have Gaius announce that he had been treating the King for years to prevent deterioration of an existing condition. Arthur just had to work out which would be less damaging. Should he admit that for years they had been ruled by someone unstable? People had known and gone along with it? That could ultimately entail dissolving his court. Corruption was always present though, and at least right now he knew what type it was. There was a good chance any cast outs would run to the next king along if they sensed their position was unsustainable. With any and all information in their possession. After turning it over for far too long and ending up with more problems than solutions he decided that consulting Gaius had to be his next step. Whether he wanted to or not.

Gaius had hurt many people but deserved at least to know the second village lay at peace now… And receive an apology from Arthur for his actions and words over the years. Whatever he did to remove Uther without execution, he'd need the support of the Court physician. Either in truth or lies. Both of which Gaius used frequently in court

Then he needed to speak to his council.

Not his father's council, or the court, but _his_ council. Merlin was right. The round table was _his._ To his knowledge uncompromised, and with the support of at least five others- well four _without Merlin,_ but he was overdue a seat, they had spare.

The pre dawn light told him that it was too early to summon any of them, and he doubted even Merlin would greet him with cheer if he used his position to march into Gwaine's room on this particular morning.

Actually he suspected that would precede several days of _polite Merlin_ that was only noticeable to those close to them, and made him squirm to his core, with nothing to yell at him for. He'd end up _hunting_ away from the castle with _polite Merlin_ and the thought of that made him shudder. Gwaine would drag him away anyway because it would actually be his own fault. For the sake of a couple of hours it was _not_ worth it.

Plus, he really didn't want anything unnecessary casting a shadow right now over the rare good parts.

Thinking about the strange triangle they made and how it might work pushed his thoughts down a different path; the acknowledgement of the other two he would need a queen. Either he took an apathetic approach and continued to have candidates foisted on him by a moulding council, or he'd have to be more proactive.

He didn't really want to consider what had been discouraging him from doing so before, there had been enough girls he'd liked, just not wanted to spend _forever_ with. He knew which of the _suitable_ candidates he couldn't stand, and the ones he could were a very short list; then the _unsuitable_ one he actually had a connection with. Except that she also seemed unsure about whether to commit to _him_ or pursue Lancelot, and an unstable queen was taking a risk. Well, _bigger_ risk.

Mithian and Elena then, he'd invite each for a diplomatic visit, here this time so that they would notice the subtler changes. He was certain they'd understand and make their own wishes clear, it was one of the reasons he liked them in the first place. Guinivere was closer, and he did owe her an apology for snapping, she had no idea what was going on and he hadn't exactly told her. He hadn't told anyone not directly involved. For their own safety as much as anything else, but now Uther was suspicious, and Guinivere was one of his primary carers. One who he had had a very open preference for. Still did really, but his own wishes had had no place in the rebuilding of the city. Neither of them had had much in the way of spare time, and hadn't prioritised the other, nor had the tension between her and Merlin, or with her between himself and Lancelot centred around her helped. Despite the fact he'd entirely missed the strain between the ex servant and still -servant until now. Which he couldn't help but question. He was certain it was his fault, but not whether it was due to placing them in a unique position of making one a noble, and keeping the other in his service, both for selfish reasons he could admit to himself now, or whether it was centred around their individual ties to him. His friend had helped arrange and facilitate things with Guinivere, even seemed happy to do it, but if they were truly two sides of a coin- which he no longer doubted- perhaps he had been more conflicted than Arthur had realised. To ask would be to poke at a hurting spot, so he'd just have to watch it play out. Guinivere might understand best the relationship between the two men, but she also hadn't been raised in court, where it was almost expected to have a spouse and a mistress. Or two. In Gwen's world when people wed, there was no space for extras. Would it work? His head hurt.

His heart hurt. Arthur didn't want a marriage that was a political alliance, but he also needed a kingdom that was stable

Merlin had said 'someone who could see him'. That… that was what he wanted. It was exactly he wanted. Someone who saw beneath the mantle to the human underneath. He wondered if that was what had drawn Merlin to Gwaine. Someone who accepted Emrys, and all the shit that would entail, but saw _Merlin,_ and told him to sleep or be drugged, and called him on his cockups unabashedly.

He still wanted _Guinivere,_ but could she overcome seeing him as her sovereign?

It concerned him how little she'd demanded in answers. In any case he needed to start reaching out to the surrounding kingdoms, and extending his own information network.

An intensive desire to distract himself was useful for him construct a basic strategy in a couple of hours.

Merlin woke feeling warmer and cleaner than he had for days, stretching and realising he wasn't alone. Prompting him to open his eyes blearily. Nope. Not his room. Or his new room. He never stayed all night, then memories began to seep through the fog and he understood as an arm tightened around his waist, dragging him back. "No going, too warm."  
"I've got work Gwaine."

"Not for an hour or so. Longer if you like. 'Sides you never did make it up to me for not telling me about the Avalon stuff."  
Merlin frowned, still slightly hazy from sleep, "I don't have chicken or apples."

Gwaine grinned, "Good, I don't want apples and chicken. Stay. We won't make you late, maybe just a little distracted."

Merlin laughed against Gwaine's shoulder, "You are a very bad man, and will get me into trouble."

He shrugged, hair in every direction, "No more'n you already get yourself into. If I didn't know better I'd think you sound-proofed my room from self interest." He raised an untidy eyebrow.

"Good thing you do then." Replied Merlin mildly.

"Fine. Stay at least until the room warms up enough to get up." Gwaine pulled the warlock against him and growled.

Merlin gave in, and his eyes flashed as he lit the hearth, "Just until it warms up."

"You're no fun." Pouted Gwaine.

"I can be plenty of fun with the right incentive. Or the left." The warlock shot a lascivious look at his knight.

Gwaine checked Merlin's face for any hesitancy and smiled slowly. "Prove it."

The invitation was enough, Merlin's eyes flashed gold as he pinned Gwaine with magic, without the silence this time, and proceeded to prove that yes, he actually could be a _lot_ of fun and simultaneously warm up the room very effectively. Without even being late for work, even if he did cheat a _little_ to be on time.

Arthur looked up from his desk as Merlin half danced in with his breakfast and rolled his eyes. "For the love of Camelot, don't tell me."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Wasn't about to, but really, _thank you_ Arthur." Pausing as though considering something, his servant turned back and whispered a spell that Arthur had definitely not heard before. A pastry formed in Merlin's palm, one of the coiled kinds he liked, and was placed next to the rest.

"Is that safe to eat? Not poisoned or something? You didn't realise overnight who I let claim you and opt for pastry shaped vengeance?"

"Pastry shaped?... Fine, I'll have it then! Of course it's edible. You never noticed before. I can't carry them with the rest though, because then others would demand them and find out the cook wasn't making them."

Arthur raised his eyebrow and folded his arms. "You use magic _for pastries."_

Merlin shrugged, looking at Arthur as though _he_ was the stupid one. "You literally just watched me do it."  
"The magic you would have been executed for. The still illegal magic. That no one is meant to have here. You use it _for making desserts."_

Merlin cocked his head, "If I didn't I'd never get one, but mostly it was for rewarding you on days you broke the indoctrination or had a really bad day."

"You are unbelievable Merlin, I don't have the words. I'd send you to the stocks for sheer brazen stupidity, but that would double my work, and there isn't time. Don't you dare risk that again. Seriously, that is _not a risk worth taking._ No more using the spell until it's fucking legal you total muttonhead."

"What about meringues?"

Arthur sighed. He really _liked_ meringues. "Nope. None of those either."

"Ah." Merlin grimaced, "There was a bit where I sort of stopped caring, and then another when I had trouble controlling the increases. No more happiness boost cakes. There are worse things to die for than contentment cakes."

"Merlin?" Ground out Arthur,

"Shut up?"

"So very much, yes. Shut up, and never do this again."

"Sooo, if you don't want it can I eat the thing?" Merlin reached over and had his hand swatted away.

"You gave it to me, can't take gifts back."

Merlin snorted, of course the prat would eat the last one as he was banned from making a second. He stayed quiet though as he laid things out and went through their usual rituals, long enough that Arthur began to get worried, but when he actually watched Merlin it was apparent that the only visible difference was a subtle peace missing before, less frantic. The energy was still there, tightly leashed and not absent, but somehow less as though he was ready for an attack any second; and then Arthur realised that he wasn't _expecting one_ any more. Every morning he bounced into Arthur's chambers, Merlin had been ready, half expecting the game to be up, to be caught. Even in the places Arthur considered safe, Merlin had been ready to have a sword drawn on him, or worse. This wasn't something _wrong_ with Merlin. It was something _right._ His friend with his defences lowered. Not completely, but more than he'd ever shown the Prince before. Or it would seem almost anyone else.

This was unafraid, at rest Merlin. One he was quite sure would slip behind another mask when they left the room, until they were in a 'safe place' again. Although given he apparently had as many demands on his time as Arthur himself that wasn't surprising.

Standing ready and apprised of his day's requirements aside from his own Arthur caught Merlin on the shoulder, "Come on. Walk with me. I have to speak to Gaius, as soon as possible, I've waited hours already, you need to speak to the Catha." He raised an eyebrow and smirked "You're late."

Merlin nodded, more seriously than Arthur had expected, "I am, but you were right. I needed to pause, eat, sleep, be calm, and come back to it ready. Thanks. Even if it was not appreciated criticism _then."_

"Don't thank me. You are one of my men. It shouldn't have taken this long to start treating you as one. 'Just servants' don't go into battle, or stop knights from bleeding out, or collect injuries- even 'first battle wounds'."

"I get it, you're a Prat. Better late than never though. Why do you want to talk to Gaius?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Because I need to, and my father is ill, and you told me to."

"And you listened to me. You were right, I should shut up."

Arthur shot him a sharp look, "Ugh, avoiding it and putting things off isn't going to make it any easier, just… delay dealing with the problems. At least I know they exist now, and it's not all down to you and him to provide care to everyone."

Merlin nodded tightly. "I need to make up batches of half a dozen things today, several knights will be almost out of balm, the kids have used up all the arnica we had, we seriously need fresh comfrey, and if I don't sort the morning after cure someone will die at the hands of a hungover guard."

Arthur listened to his slightly exasperated manservant, who clearly intended to do both the harvesting, preparation, and distribution, while also doing all his jobs for the prince, training with Gwaine, interviewing the second man, and being at the round table council. With whatever else the day threw at them."  
"Right, but you've got a few more hands now, so wouldn't Hunith or your friends be able to identify and bring back the right things, even if you need to actually make it yourself."

Merlin paused, the confusion less this time, "Yeah, they'd know the right thing to harvest and how much to avoid killing the plant and leaving it bare." He spoke softly, "You know I can do it Arthur, I've been both for a long time now, worked for both of you since I arrived. You don't have to act all guilty."

Arthur grimaced, he hadn't known how much time it took until he did, "I'm not, they need the practice for when you can't supervise and check their every action. They'll have to earn and build trust with those who they'd have to treat in a crisis."

If their seen working together now with the physicians being already trusted you'll save yourself and them time later."

Merlin hummed an agreement as they got close to the physician's chambers; looking at Merlin and seeing his reluctance, Arthur knocked, skipping the subtle kind to encourage the warlock who had lived there so long to knock him sideways and open the door. His mother grabbed the knob just as he did so, and Merlin froze, stepping aside. Arthur sighed, but seeing as he was there partly for advice on how best to remove his father from the picture he wasn't much use for advice on parental conflict resolution.

He could see Hunith try to hide her hurt, but there really wasn't much he could do to help if healing was to be genuine. Their mistakes had cost Merlin things he could never get back, or change, and it would take time to move past that. Gaius worked with and trained Merlin; they _had_ to find a balance, it had been a little more time. His mother was different. Maybe they could not discuss, but refer briefly to it while hunting. Arthur had lived with a mother, rather than without a father as Merlin had, and was about to sacrifice any relationship with the parent he _did_ have. Regrets were terrible things, as they were both living proof of, and he didn't want his friend to add another while losing the only remaining parent of their four.

In front of them all, his support was solidly behind Merlin. Never let division show openly he recited to himself as he had about someone else a thousand times before.

He smiled tightly at Hunith. "Do you know where Gaius is, I need to speak to him as soon as he's available."

She gestured to the table, "He shouldn't be long, just went to check some woman over, she slipped in the kitchens, and lost consciousness, panicked husband ran down here shouting and banging. Thankfully someone had told him not to try and move people unconscious or who sustained head trauma unless they were in dangers way. I'm not technically a physician and someone might remember if they see me and Gaius together."  
Merlin sighed from behind Arthur, "Give me your headscarf mum." Hunith looked at him taken aback, "Why?" Merlin looked at Arthur hoping the man could read him correctly, relieved by the barely perceptible nod. "Do it, Lady Hunith. If you wish to regain your freedom." Arthur spoke in the tone that people tended to argue with, and she decided against it _this time._ "I'm going to need that back son, I don't have spare with me."

Merlin ignored her, concentrating his attention on the fabric, the threads that wove together and the weak points of stitches, the threadbare patches where he knew she hadn't replaced things since before he left. He concentrated on finding the right words. Merlin didn't want to hide her completely, prevent _friends_ from seeing her, only others from making the link or remembering. It wouldn't be hard for anyone paying attention. It would do what he wanted though, and she wouldn't lose it anymore than he had lost his neckerchief until the bloody fae decided they wanted it.  
He whispered over it, feeling the magic sink into the fibres as if he had soaked it in water.

"Here mum. It'll keep you from being recognised by anyone who'd pose a threat. Lord Geoffrey doesn't, but it'll allow you to walk a little more freely. Don't lose it. Being caught with it isn't prohibited anymore, but it's unwise still. Gaius will come back by the market if he's been called to the kitchens, one of you should follow him with the basket, he'll carry them back and pay for it after otherwise."

"How long do you expect him to be gone?" Asked Arthur, turning automatically to Merlin, having used him as a second healer for so long, who shrugged "Depends how badly she's injured, head injury he'll want under observation."

Arthur frowned, "That's inconvenient." His eyes dropped to Merlin's neck and widened, his friend was glaring, "Hunith, you raised this idiot, you have experience in such injuries?"

Looking at him curiously, clearly noticing something was going on, she answered respectfully, "Yes sire, growing up Merlin had a bad habit of collecting various wounds, and before that I had studied with someone knowledgeable enough to be confident in a basic observation. If he suspects a bleed on the brain or such, that would be different."

Arthur pressed his lips together tightly, "Then do so, take the basket and find Gaius, you know this place well enough still to find kitchens and market, do not remove the head covering. If it is _complicated_ and nothing can be done by the physician, I authorise the use of the skills of this man." He indicated Oswald, knowing he had been reliably approved. Hunith grabbed the basket and left swiftly.

Merlin cleared his throat and the prince rolled his eyes, "What now?"  
Merlin looked pained as he answered, "I just want you to understand that like Gaius' treatments, the other type are not _guaranteed_ to work either. Better, yes, but sometimes the fates are decided, or it is simply _time_ for a man to die and we must let him go. For example if we could save a man's life, but not what made him _him._ That is a difficult choice, but one physicians sometimes must make. If she still died after he tried to save her, it would not be magic responsible for her death but the injury which had weakened her. If it's authorised, it must be regarded the same way as any other type of healing. Just men doing their best to refuse death that day."

Arthur considered what Merlin said, realising that he had rather defined healing by magic as a failsafe, rather than another treatment technique. "Then this time it is authorised, but for future non instant choices, I wish to be consulted until the new laws are fully drafted.

"Yes sire." Oswald bowed.

"Merlin, now that your mother has left, I believe there are matters you have to discuss with your men. I am going to go and inform my own of a meeting to be held tonight at the round table. "Before or after I leave, Arthur?"

The prince looked at him as though evaluating whether it was safe to have the man lace shirts, "Before, you idiot. What's the point in summoning the others if _you_ are skiving? You're on my council, remember? And responsible for keeping Gwaine in line." Merlin groaned. "I thought I said no to that, you sadist."

Arthur laughed, "You did, before you said yes. Trust me, you _want_ to be at this one. Get on and give Cathas one and two their order and work out what you're doing about your illustrations, then meet me with armour for training if Gaius isn't available before then."

He strode out, not giving Merlin a chance to protest.

"Is he always like that?" Came and older voice.

"No. Usually he's much worse." but Merlin smiled wryly at the older man, who nodded.

"I see. You are like brothers, bickering, but beneath it loyal. No one else is allowed to badmouth him, except you."

Merlin cocked his head, "Well, me and Gwaine. I don't think it would really occur to the others. Maybe Percy, but he is ridiculously calm. Probably learned _because_ of his strength to keep his reactions in check. Anyway, this time Arthur's right. Take a seat."

They did so and Merlin joined them. It was odd sitting at his table without it being _his_ table. More unsettling to have his mother's handwriting on a note by his elbow.

"What do you know of the barren valley."

"Not to go there." Said Oswald calmly.  
Finian looked sick, "The magic there is so dark it hurt my soul to travel by. I can't imagine much remains."

Merlin ran a hand down his face; "It didn't. I went there two days ago, and did something that began to renew it on impulse. Then returned yesterday with Arthur and Gwaine to bury or burn the remains of the second village. I need one of you to go out to place warnings and wards, perform any necessary rituals. I've done what I can, restored the water, saw and treated with Mab, and the goddess indicated satisfaction with our treatment of the first camp on the first was one thing she asked though that I do not wish to do again the same way. She asked to see my marks, in ink, and the only marks I have are scars. I know that you both know the skill of tattooing, and understand the runes which may interact. I'm unsure which are appropriate, and which I shall need for the gathering. I do not wish to partake in another exposition based on my pain. You are the only ones I know can do this."

Both of them looked solemn, the responsibility for what he asked was not small.  
"We can help, but in the end you are the one who must decide. If there is something that does not apply, when done by us, it will cause you harm and be rejected by your magic. Are you certain Emrys; they cannot be undone."

Merlin looked around his old home, at the closed door, and the living men who offered themselves to him fully.

"Yes. Yeah, I'm sure, though I've no idea which skills apply. I've never really trained. Not like the knights do, or in the concentrated way we go through physicians subjects."

The men before him groaned. "Then this may be more difficult than I thought. How about you tell me the skills you _do_ know you have then. I know the symbol of your house, which was commonly inked on the Dragonlords, but not _necessary,_ the triskel obviously, and the one for Lord of the Catha, which I am authorised to grant from, well, a long time ago. The witch is not the only one to have visions."

Merlin shuddered, "Gods I hate visions, they're worse than prophecies, no wonder then girl became so unstable, the crystal cave was horrific. Taliesin missed the part where it hurt so badly."

Oswald blew out a long breath, and Finian maintained a carefully blank expression; "I'll add the appropriate ones for speaking across the veil without tearing it. Also using the crystals, since you came out sane, we won't use the accent for 'master of' but leave it open and if you ever feel that is appropriate it can be added. Continue, Emrys."

Merlin swallowed, not missing the switch of name, "Well, the cup of life obviously, when I fought Nimue and used it to save Gaius, sorry about her by the way. Your basic animation of snaked, dog statues, that sort of thing. Slowing or stopping time- bending you said, Ozzie. Uhm- The sidhe, they tried to sacrifice Arthur and opened the way to Avalon, so I had to drag him from the lake itself, and kill Aulfric and Sophia, but Mab says that was actually some sort of mercy? I don't know, seems a weird kind of mercy, but at least _that_ was fast. Yeah, then there was the poisoning thing and apparently I was sleep casting and following Arthur while he was trying to get the mortaeus flower, forgot that, Nimue really was persistent. I'm pretty good with fire, and elements, calling lightning on demand, but _that's_ not a habit to pick up. I retrapped Sigan in the crystal after he possessed me, man he's a nasty guy, inside his mind? Ugh. I accidentally tied Freya to the lake, that's one of my bigger regrets- other than Kilgarrah's actions after I freed him. She's now the Lady of the lake, though I've only seen _her_ a few times." He sighed. Finian's brow was knit together. "Complicated. Alright, I don't suppose there's anyone else like Mab you've been chatty with?" He raised an eyebrow at Merlin, "Well, there's Kilgarrah obviously, I don't know if unicorns count. I spoke to the king of the sidhe of Avalon, but he was really pissed off because I got rid of the changeling. I really doubt he's up for 'chatting', unicorns don't really talk and Anhora's even less of a conversationalist than Taliesin. The Fisher king was alright, but he's gone now, since I gave him the phoenix eye he wanted. The water sprites yesterday were talkative enough, and Isla- oh fuck, I forgot the shell, she wants to prove I exist- and her dad, who claimed to be some sort of Lord of the sea or something. I'm not sure if it counts if they don't stay in Albion, I'm pretty sure they have to do as they're told by other people or not-people then. Oh, and the ghosts, but they're friendly enough… so far."

Oswald gave up trying to hold in the laughter, "Oh, Oh goddess, good luck designing that master, I'm not even going to try. I mean, you could wait, but the core ones need done, we could do it in stages? Otherwise he's going to be seriously stinging.

"Thank you Waldo, how very helpful of you."

The younger man shrugged and smirked at him.

Merlin recognised the looked on Fin's face of frustration and resignation, "This isn't going to be a simple job is it?"

"No; but it _is_ one worth doing right. I'm not going to do it all in one go, Oswald is correct, although I'd be more concerned about infection risk that stinging. Then there's where to do it, can't use Camelot. You may not have mastered them all, but you have a wide variety of skills and near infinite _potential._ We'll need you to decide where a few go, work around that. Most of your kin, if they took their house marks had it done over their hearts, sometimes on their back if that was already used. A few joined the priesthood first. It was quite common for the womenfolk of your families to train with the priestesses. They had to if they were close to the dragons or gifted in telepathy, it could be disturbing overhearing them otherwise, Your aunt likely would have if she hadn't married Uther, she was an acolyte, but hadn't taken any oaths so the choice was still open to her."

"So Igraine- she was trained in runes too? By whom?"

Finian looked up from his parchment, filled with symbols Merlin hadn't seen before. "By the High Priestess of course. She was daughter of a dragonlord, the Lord of the dragonlords. Overheard even Kilgarrah on occasion. She was one of Nimue's acolytes for years, I'm not sure if they were more than that, they were close but I've no idea if it was romantic or more of a mother-daughter relationship, I didn't know Igraine well, and unlike Oswald, the young priestesses never held much attraction for me." His eyes flicked to the door, "At the time, Gaius was more my type. Many of my order choose abstinence to honour those they serve, others choose to celebrate being given life by exuberance and indulgence. Otherwise there's be fewer Beltane babies." He winked. "I'm not sure there's a universal _right way_ to do it. She gives different paths to all of us." Merlin leaned with his elbows on the table, watching the quick strokes of the quill. "So what is the meaning of this one?"

"Ah, that is for balance, dark to light, peace to war, death and life, the seasons in turn."

Merlin chewed his lip thoughtfully, "And this?"

"Speaker to the other worlds. You have spoken with Taliesin, a man long dead, to the Lady of the lake, the guardian of the gate to Avalon, which no mortal may see. This one here is 'Emrys', but I do not know that you would wish to display it yet. It means immortal."

Merlin's face remained steady, though his voice was sad, "I know."

Finian nodded, "Good. That is good, a difficult discovery I am sure, for a young man. Here, this is for dragonlord, and that one ambassador. I could combine it with the worlds speaker one, but that would limit future additions and I believe it would be wiser to have that one separate give you intend to raise Albion. This one is healer. There are different emphases for 'healer', and I would not yet add one for humans, your skills there need _a lot_ of work despite your impressive experience with herbal remedies, but for healing the land? _That_ you have control over. The one for skill with time is complicated, at least a session in itself. Here is for warrior. Skill with battle magic, offensive and defensive. Your skill will improve, but you have a high level of use in both. Then over here is for visions, and telepathy, which is part of the gift of dragonlords, they are placed differently, but are useful to make visible in case there is need for silence in battle or escape. Even daily life for assurance you need not wake a young one. This one here is a simplified version of your House. Eyrie. Whatever you'd call it. One of my favourite two, but the other is very like balance, I believe I could turn that into two curled dragons together, bound with the circle." He smiled, clearly trying to work out a pleasing artistic set up and forgetting for now that Merlin's real skin was the vellum.

Merlin who felt a little intimidated. It was more than he'd anticipated. "And you want to do all of this _to me?"_ Finian looked puzzled, "It doesn't have to be me Emrys, it must be someone you trust not to add a weakness to you."

Merlin sighed, "Sooo not what I meant. I just, I thought maybe a triskelion like all the druids have, or some sort of single thing for Emrys. Not an intricate tapestry situation."

The older man watched Merlin carefully and set down his quill.

"I will not force, nor pressure you to accept any against your will, or continue if you demand I stop, you have my oath." The chill that Merlin knew was the witness of the Old Religion ran through him. "Have a look yourself, tell me which you prefer and we shall do them first. I agree that adding the sign of loyalty to the druids before the council would be wise."

"And the wolves in this?" Merlin asked.  
"You are transformed from 'Just Merlin' to accepting your role as Emrys also, and are a vital guide to the Once and Future King. You don't have to have them beneath the boughs of the tree, but they apply to you and are pretty. Badly done and ill considered tattoos are against my religion though, so I'll only do what you approve, and I agree is relevant and applicable to you. I do not delight in causing pain. I have found that those done well bring satisfaction or pleasure to the one who bears them for a longer time. My own all bear a personal meaning and are bound up in memories, but one or two also hide scars, albeit not as impressive as your own."

Merlin paid close attention to Finian's words and his draft designs.

"These will need work, it's only a draft of separate ones."

Merlin nodded, gulping as he brushed his fingertips over the skin. "I think, I think these. It's rare for me to have time away from Camelot, and rarer to be able to use that. The augmented triskellion for the druids; the one for my House and dragon for Kilgarrah, Lachlan, and Balinor; and this for balance. From there we'll see. They are beautiful, they really are, I hadn't expected that. Honestly I hadn't expected to ever _want_ any, but I'd far rather have some control and not have to retell the same awkward stories repeatedly… and these will be understood?"

Finian smiled, "By those they are intended for and you require, yes. By your king and strength, no, probably not."

Merlin chuckled, "Well that's nothing new. Ok. If Kilgarrah confirms you tonight, I want you to come with us on a hunting trip. Not that _I'll_ be doing much hunting, but I do need Arthur to relax a bit, and he needs a break from them all. The laws are changing, but it's been difficult for all of us. Many, many things have been hidden from both of us for years, and it has cost everyone dearly. While he and Gwaine are hunting, you and I, at Arthur's suggestion actually, will be doing _this._ " He gestured to the designs, so you are, like us, on rather a tight deadline, welcome to Camelot. If you are doing _This_ today, then Oswald will have to check and set the warnings for the shrine." He turned to focus on the other man, "You understand how?"  
"I've experience, yes. I can perform any rituals required and properly show respect for the dead."

Merlin nodded, giving a sigh of relief he didn't realise had been there. "Thank you. I can't be absent all the time, people notice, eventually, and I actually do have to be at the roundtable meeting, despite my protests to the contrary, be available tonight Finian, there's someone who wants to meet you, especially before a needle touches my skin."

"Always, Lord Emrys." The younger priest had risen and gathered his cloak and hood to leave by now, and was looking longingly at the racks of plants of multiple purposes. "oh for the goddess' sake, just take what you need, want, whatever, and leave me a damn list, I'll replace it. Even if it's on the way back tonight, I know where things grow anyway. Planted my own like any sane person who uses it. It's not like the knights recognise herbs. We've ridden past a couple umpteen times and the only one to even look twice was Percival, but he's also the only other who can cook so I just figured it was that. Hurry up and go before some innocent fool wanders into that place. If you feel magic even slightly it won't be difficult to find the right part of the lower Glen. Don't approach the ridge at the top. I need to check it first."

Oswald bowed,"Yes master Merlin."

At least he refrained from 'Lord Emrys', which seemed to take the pair actual effort. With the necessary components he left. Merlin lay his head on the table as he had so many times before, remembering with a wave of melancholy it was not his home now. There was a cough from the door and Gaius entered. "You will always be welcome here Merlin. Even if you do not feel about us the way you did, our care for you is unaltered. If you are working late, or need to use the books, or just want to be with someone. Your mother here has lost none of her skills or gentle touch. I have left her to observe and supervise the woman while her husband is at work."

Merlin looked at Gaius, troubled. "Thank you. I am really OK just now, just a lot of information. Arthur needs to speak to you. It seemed urgent. Can you be here if I go and fetch him? We didn't know if you'd be gone for hours."

"Well yes, without your mother I would have been. I suppose I have you to thank for relaxing her curfew."

"Don't Gaius. That was for everyone's safety. Yours included. I have training and research to do while you have a discussion with Arthur. Lying to him this time won't end well. Go by a truth or death rule and you should be fine. Bye Finian. I'll see you tonight after the meeting."

He left without looking back; looking back was dangerous here.

It was easy to track Arthur now. Merlin had started cheating and put a tracking spell on him, only with a link to Merlin of course. He'd have to do the same to his other idiot now. He assured the Prince of Gaius waiting for him now, and hoped the black mood would not be worsened by any discussion. He _almost_ made it to the library. Instead walking straight into Gwen. Catching her as she stumbled, "I'm sorry, I guess I should have been paying better attention."

She frowned, checking him over, "No, it was a joint effort of carelessness. I'm not usually so clumsy anymore."

"It's been difficult for everyone recently."

She nodded absently. "So uh, how's your mum? I know it's been a while since you've seen her."

Merlin shifted awkwardly, "I haven't really seen her since she arrived, we've just been so busy. Reassuring I suppose, what with the chaos Cenred's demise left. Not so many raiders now. The sell-swords all joined up for the immortal army. Only good that came of it."

"Maybe tomorrow? Is she OK after the journey here at least."

"Oh yeah, a couple of old friends were passing through and she is tough as old boots." He wasn't actually keen to have Gwen checking too often on Hunith for information exchange.

"That's… That's good then. Actually I was looking for you earlier. Some of the things Arthur commissioned are finished and I wanted to give them to you to try on. I haven't done that sort since Morgana so I didn't want to deliver them to him and have it being wrong."

Merlin sighed, seeing the old insecurity break through. Now he'd _have to_ wear them. "Gwen, you were the best seamstress in Camelot, you can't have forgotten everything you did from ten years old. I'm sure it's fine."

"If you wait here or come with me my chamber's close. Then you'll at least have them, and Arthur won't think I'm ignoring it."

Merlin sighed, of course Arthur. "Gwen, Arthur doesn't love you for your efficiency or your sewing. I don't think you need to worry about what his opinion of mum clothes is. Believe me if anything goes wrong he will blame me." He winked. I'll stay here and wait for you, there's no point in adding you to the rumours circulating."

Gwen finally smiled honestly. "Oh, it has been in the mix for years. I appreciate your confidence in the past of what you saw. I don't think it will take them much longer, but I won't tell anyone about you two."

"Gwen?" Merlin growled.  
She smiled, "He's honourable underneath it, and…" He realised what she was looking at and risked tipping her chin up to meet his eyes. "It was a long time ago, and there wasn't really a reason to hide it after Arthur and Gwaine noticed. Promise you won't go away and worry about things you can't fix."

She couldn't help the tears that gathered. "You could've told me."

"I told you I was in disguise, didn't I, and not ordinary." He grinned cockily.

She paused and considered him. "You told me a lot of things."

"Always talking, me, Arthur complains about it frequently, but then he complains if I don't, really you just can't win with prat.

"I should have paid better attention." She reached out to touch the scar and drew her hand back. "I know things are… Are different now, but if you're hurt you can come to me. I won't tell anyone."

It warmed Merlin to hear it. He wasn't about to start going over again but it was better than the awkwardness they couldn't quite seem to bridge since Gwen became a Lady. Titles meant nothing to Merlin, but raised in the heart of Camelot the rigid stratification was what Guinivere knew; and what all her other servant friends knew. In an odd way, his continued care and willingness to speak to her unnerved her in a way she couldn't express.

He forced himself not to answer sarcastically, but couldn't hold back the eyeroll, "I am not hurt. I am happier than I have been for a long time. Thank you for the clothes Gwen, I am sure the prat will be less ashamed of being seen with me now. Go, I won't trip you again, just need to take a message to Lord Geoffrey before training."

"You're still calling it 'training'?" She raised a sceptical eyebrow.

He mock- glared back, "Until the day I die Gwen. You win 'ogling' only if someone is drooling."

"Well enjoy your poor, suffering test of endurance." She smirked, without the evil or menace of Morgana's, Merlin suspected he was the only one to miss that though, the edge of danger and darkness. Maybe he did have thrill issues.

He let out an exaggerated groan, "Ugh, Arthur's in a bad mood."

"Ah. I'll get the balm and bandages ready then, but clothes first, stay here." _Everyone_ knew Arthur used the Merlin- dummy for stress relief, even the ones that liked them. She dashed off in the direction of her chambers, leaving him no choice but to do as she asked, wait until she returned carrying a far bigger bundle than he had been expecting, he managed to sound genuinely grateful as he thanked her. He did after all _need_ some new tunics, and to stop destroying them.

"Bye Gwen." He reached the library and slipped in, pressing his forehead to the closed door. Maybe Gwaine's day was going better than his and Arthur's.


	50. Chapter 50

Gwaine's day was not going better. Not exactly _worse_ , but Lancelot was eyeing him suspiciously every time he saw him and Percival kept smirking, enough that Gwaine wondered just how dodgy Merlin's magic got when he had a point to make. Not that he was usually the shy and retiring type, but there were better ways to admit to this particular liaison. He wasn't particularly eager to hear Lance's inevitable 'don't hurt him' talk, Kilgarrah and Arthur had that covered. Or to invite Leon's judgement quite so soon. Merlin's choice in partners might be open to some of the knights but Gwaine wasn't one to out people, that was _their_ business. He honestly didn't mind being someone's secret, unlike most, but Merlin was too close to Arthur to have that option, there were always people watching.

The minor irritations were easy enough to ignore until Arthur had appeared, looking like he'd had a disagreement with the Great dragon, demanding that the knights of the round table be present for a meeting later, offering no reason. Gwaine didn't need him to and he wondered if it was too early to start drinking; sighing when he realised it would cause problems for Merlin if he wasn't clearly sober at the bloody meeting. From the instantly serious looks from Lancelot and Percival he knew they had similar concerns about its content and potential reactions of those attending, Leon appeared almost nervous, and Gwaine wondered if he was ready for some proper answers. He hoped so. Leon was a good man and honourable, but he was a man with a past to reckon with over this. Gwaine and Leon had too many differences of opinion, and too many qualifiers of the other's judgement, so he shoved Lancelot that way instead with what he _hoped_ was a meaningful rather than a plain sour look. The peasant knight had far more in common with Leon than _he_ ever would, and might connect better with him.

Shaking his head he paired himself with Sir Percival to spar, and wait for the possible return of the Princess. Somehow he doubted the prince's mood was likely to be improved.

Arthur made his way down to the chambers he had stormed into so often to yell at his 'late again' manservant, and paused before the door of the physician's quarters, he could turn back. Walk away. Wait for it to be brought up in council as it inevitably must be. Growling the word 'coward' at himself under his breath he swung it open defiantly, slamming it behind him and startling the old man, though there was no reaction from the older Catha. Who seemed too focused on his sketching to notice anything else.

Arthur glanced between them, "Is there a place we can speak physician?"

Gaius grimaced at the address "Yes Sire, the spare room is _private._ "  
The prince nodded grimly his understanding, the fewer people involved the better. Merlin _had_ to have shielded his room. He doubted the private man would have wanted nightmares overheard. As for any other activities, well Arthur had no idea. He hadn't really thought of Merlin as sexual being _at all_ until very recently. Certainly not until after he began to consider his servant had a life outside of his service - at least the type he'd known of _then,_ as his the man went home after doing standard manservant chores rather than out to track witches, or foil plots, or meet dragons, or druids _._

As Arthur sat, so did Gaius, ignoring the flare of pain in protesting rheumatic knees, it almost sparked guilt in him, but he narrowed his focus, refusing to be distracted… and he wasn't feeling particularly merciful after the previous day.

The prince frowned as he realised there no subtle way to bring it up with the oldman _._ "We have a problem Gaius."

The worn physician raised his brows, "Oh? Only one? I thought we had _many_ to choose from _._ Which?"

Arthur's lips thinned. "The biggest right now. My father."

Gaius grimaced, shoulders drooping, "Ah. _That_ problem." his father's friend - and wasn't _that_ a puzzle- looked about as keen to discuss it as Arthur, so for both their sakes he didn't bother with delicacy.

"Uther has ruled for a long time, longer than most, and I have to question his sanity, because either he is truly evil and in control of the actions he has taken for so long, or he is _not_ in control and is _unsafe_ to rule. Either way he is unfit to wield power as a king. His clear cognitive failure after my sister took control required me to reluctantly take on temporary regency by necessity. In light of recent developments and discoveries it is imperative I make it a permanent situation. He is my father and my own emotions are conflicted about this, but not my _reason,_ and he has made his position clear, openly accusing me of treason and betrayal. In a court session that would be dangerous and potentially compromise me. He always taught me to set aside personal concerns and attachments when making judgements as a king, so that one may be consistent and justice known, uncompromised, and I believe it may be one piece of wisdom to keep. _Uther_ is a very real threat to our stability and recovery, and he has been for a long time. I need to know Gaius. How long has he been taking the tonics you've increased and what are they for. Was he injured, or sickened? If it was a badly healing injury one of them would likely remember and the only way they will voluntarily accept the change from temporary Regent to permanence without his input is for _you_ to testify. I want the truth. Then we are going to work out what I am going to tell the council, with minimal deception so there are not things that come back to bite Merlin and I in future. Geoffrey can pull up any appropriate records that might be necessary or useful. Otherwise I will have to challenge him _openly_ and explain why. The council are not entitled to know all the _details_ of a leaders health, only _enough._ "

Gaius paled, "That is a lot to ask Sire."

Arthur shrugged and folded his arms, "You can refuse. Either way we _will_ find out. Your loyalty is either to _Me,_ or to _him._ It cannot be both; they conflict in a profound and irreconcilable way." He spoke honestly and with the authority he no longer felt was borrowed or on someone else's strength, but was _his_ by right.

Gaius nodded, "You are the Once and Future King Arthur, as Merlin is Emrys. I choose you- both of you. What happened? When we last spoke there was a softer resolve. Conviction, but more patience. Not that I disagree. I do not."

Arthur folded his arms, "I saw the valley, and moved their bones; I saw what Merlin has hidden these years by my side, and it will never happen again. To anyone. So, Uther."

Gaius radiated a deep sorrow, "Headaches. They're for headaches and help sleeping. There are some sicknesses that cannot be seen from any examination Arthur, he had been in many battles before your mother passed away, and was in many after, in one particular fight with a sorceress he'd challenged he sustained a head injury. You even met her once.

At first there seemed to be no significant damage resulting from it, barely notable next to others he'd had. A shorter temper perhaps, but nothing particularly alarming that couldn't be better attributed to the abrupt loss of his wife at the same time- Uther blamed himself for what happened to Igraine. Then he developed headaches and I became concerned. There were the erratic mood swings where he was previously very calm. Stern, yes, and commanding, but his authority was accepted for respect fairly earned, not from fear and intimidation. We thought it was due to other pressures. Grief. I should have been more aware but honestly was too deeply shocked myself by what was happening. All the healers and physicians were. Some called me a traitor from the pyre itself.

He became unpredictable. You remember from your childhood the _results_ of that.

No one realised how serious the king's situation was, and I failed to make the connections until some very serious complications showed in the years that followed and saw a similar case without the same circumstances. His citing conversations that we'd never had, forgetting people, the rapid switches in mood. I began to treat him to the best of my ability for more serious damage, and when he had headache remedies I'd sometimes mix it with sedatives or things that have an emotional numbing effect, which has both advantages and drawbacks. I had to be careful not to do it each time, only at the worst, so that he would not realise any difference or link the two, especially after I began to treat Morgana, as limited as we were with that. Eventually I found something that stabilised his emotions enough to continue as king while reducing the severity of the Purge, but by then it had become an obsession. I doubt he could have stopped even if he wanted to; and he had certainly accumulated many grievances against magic by then. Real _and_ constructed, created many enemies. It seemed to plateau and stop worsening, he stabilised; or he learned to compensate and manage it, but the personality changes were permanent. When Lord Geoffrey and I say 'he wasn't always like that', it is no exaggeration, or attempt to rid ourselves of guilt for ever following him. We were friends; but so were Uther and Nimue once, and he burned enough of his old friends and allies for me to know where I'd likely end up… and I did indeed go bound to the pyre. Thank you for intervening then, _before_ they lit the kindling. It was appreciated." Gaius paused seeming to try and find the right words for something that had none.

"The way people are made up is so complicated sire, and poorly understood. Uther at his core still cares about and wants to protect _his people,_ but his definition of _how_ and _what from_ changed drastically, as has his definition of _'his people',_ something he sadly taught you.

He is still under it all the same man, and he _knows_ that things went wrong due to his being beaten in a fight by a sorceress- I don't think it was ever _meant_ to harm him that way. You've seen it yourself, even in _friendly_ sparring or tournaments there can be freak accidents or poor landings. He remembers everything about Igraine, and that a life was traded for yours. In the end it was hers. You were a child, and could not have ruled, then there came the war with Mercia, the last time he fought openly, and the first you saw the battlefield. He was advised against that, having king and heir both present, but was adamant you would be fine." Arthur shivered as he recalled just how close that had been, and his first sight of the horrors of war. "Thankfully you returned. Without knowing exactly what caused the damage I couldn't use magic to cure it, even if it had been legal- which it wasn't. We don't know why some head injuries cause no damage or little, and others are profound or worsen over time, as Uther's was. Or why the result doesn't always bear out what is visible on the surface. Morgana's loss and turning against him I think simply triggered the final stage of an illness that he has fought for many years. Uther is not _mad_ Arthur, though I have had cause to question it enough. He is _absolutely_ _sane,_ and yet at the same time, the Uther who first became king ceased to exist years ago, leaving in his place a man who we would not have fought for to win Camelot. Bitter and hollow. I don't know about any of the others, but I know for myself who I would have followed instead." Gaius watched him carefully as he continued without a name.

"Queen Igraine trained under Nimue. Not with specific intent to become a priestess herself, but to manage her magic sensibly, otherwise being raised around dragons would have driven her crazy. Kilgarrah and his brethren have to listen to a dragonlord, but their daughter's don't inherit or pass on the gifts to sons, not infrequently they are visionaries of some sort, Seers, or prophetesses, or healers. Different arms of the same magic. Actually, daughters are quite unusual for a dragonlord, and were highly prized, it was one of the things that caused the sense of responsibility they felt for Seers despite the tensions with dragons, and one of the things that stopped the dragons flaming those who disagreed with them. Igraine had magic, but not like Merlin, or Balinor, it's inhibited specifically in the women of those clans. There's never anything destructive or combative there, often only the passive type despite the strength of the bloodline- at least visible to _us_. There are good reasons, I asked her once what they were but she only smiled and shushed me, and they were lost with the rest of the lore of Merlin's people, in the unlikely case of them ever being written down. It seems less urgent to do so when one is bound to a creature that lives for millenia and spoke in person to one's forebears. They did not have a particularly high opinion of libraries such as Lord Geoffrey's.

So the Queen and Nimue were close, and the High Priestess was often here after so long as Igraine's confidante and friend; she disapproved of your mother's choice to marry Uther, but respected her decision. Her own motivations were not entirely certain or she may have been more outspoken against that decision, it was a complicated relationship they had. I'm not sure even they understood it fully themselves."

Arthur nodded, he understood those himself.

"Igraine prioritised the stability of the kingdom and safety of Camelot's people over all else, it's why she was willing to seek Nimue's help to conceive and carry to term. She understood the cost of a life, and the rule of Balance. It's possible she thought that Uther's rejection of Morgana and demand for a son would require him to give up one child for another, or that since he was the one she was making a sacrifice for he would also be the one to pay the price. I don't know. Being who she was perhaps she even simply understood the importance of your birth. Whatever the thinking was behind her choices, Nimue agreed to Igraine's request on the basis that she would remain here until the prince- you- were born. Nimue was the best of us all in healing, for all you've only seen her expertise in the dark arts, and was extremely protective of Igraine. _Almost_ as protective as you and Merlin are of the other. Things that no one else could do more for than ease someone's passing she would undo with no shred of doubt. So stay she did, to Uther's increasing displeasure. He had been friendly with her before, welcomed and respected her, they remained largely outwardly amicable for the sake of Igraine. As soon as she was certain she had conceived, the Queen moved to separate chambers and never shared a bed with Uther again. There were rumours about why she put that distance between them, but Igraine never entertained a one of them, or answered questions posed to her. Morgana wasn't present at court, nor her mother, and her parentage was certainly not common knowledge, though Uther's unfaithfulness was less well hidden. More than enough reason in that alone for there to be a rift between them I think. Thought. Whatever the case truly was between the two women, by the end of her pregnancy Uther had formed his own opinions and had more than one confrontation with Nimue. During the worst where he grabbed her roughly- no one touched a priestess disrespectfully- and she threw him off on instinct; his shoulder was broken when he slammed against a stone corner, his sword arm. Only mutual concern for your mother keeping their restraint in place and preventing it from escalating to further violence, likely a full duel. He never forgave her that, it weakened him and limited the movement somewhat, and by the time of your birth they were openly hostile towards each other. Uther blamed Nimue for Igraine pulling away from him,"

Arthur snorted, it sounded typical of Uther; not that he'd met many amicable sorceresses either mind you, "Like most priestesses and her own kinswomen Igraine believed that the birthing chamber was for women alone and that men have no place there. Uther wasn't happy about that, and liked it less when I agreed with them that he had no place in it, and certainly no entitlement to be in attendance."

The prince was genuinely surprised, "You're often present at births."

Gaius looked melancholy, "I am who is left, if they want to have someone there. Carrying a child and giving birth is dangerous, women frequently die or are damaged, and there can be complications. Few remain who are willing to assist in births in case something goes wrong and the parents accuse them of sorcery. It used to be a choice for the woman, as it should be. So when Igraine died, Uther was not by her side and the one he saw as a rival, imagined was his replacement _was,_ because it was her sacred duty to be. She swore to protect and serve the Triple Goddess. The Mother can be unforgiving of a broken vow. The Morrigan more so." Gaius closed his eyes against the barrage of memories, "They were both so blinded by grief, and rage, and the unfairness of it all… and guilt. Never underestimate what a person will do to avoid or reject guilt, or motivated by that and remorse. Both of them played their part. Uther pushing her and demanding it, Igraine making the deal knowing of the balance; neither she nor Nimue could ever have chosen which life to exchange, it doesn't work like that. That power in the hands of any man or woman would be terrible indeed." So Merlin hadn't told Gaius about that personal feature, interesting the prince thought as he wondered why. The physician's eyes were clouded over with memory so he didn't notice Arthur instinctive reaction to his words before it was quickly covered.

Gaius shook his head, "Every man and woman has regrets. They fought when he blamed her for Igraine's death, ignoring her tears, and screamed for the guards to arrest Nimue. Igraine had kept them both from violence or open aggression and her death devastated them both. In her absence nothing held them back. I don't know who moved first, but the high priestess at least was surprised enough that he managed to land a blow, her own caused him to lose consciousness and sustain a skull fracture. Emotions can make a sorceress's control slip; being approached aggressively while holding a baby does it to any woman, and at that moment she held you in her arms. Despite her later actions towards us- towards you- she looked and saw an innocent babe too precious to risk. She ignored him and returned to your mother's side, looking numbly at the lifeless body of her friend, still holding you. I rather expect seeing birth blood in the setting the guards acted without thought in their clumsy attempts to approach her. She made me swear to protect you before she left to tell Igraine's second family at the Blessed Isle what had happened; I suspect that when she died she believed wholly in my failure."

Arthur swallowed, mind reeling, "She said at the caves after she tricked me it was not my fate to die at her hand. I was alone and open then, she could easily have killed me."

Gaius smiled mildly, "She was right. Your _fate_ as it were lies elsewhere. I wonder why she didn't recognise Merlin until the end. He is- _was_ careless then, and obvious, she targeted him deliberately and _should have_ realised."

Arthur hummed and pressed his fingertips together. "Merlin says we're trained to not see servants, and I believe him, I don't remember the names of most who have served me before him. Maybe she wasn't looking, or looked for the wrong thing. Or maybe she just wanted him to prove it first. Perhaps it was a silent test, like Mab's." Gaius didn't offer an answer, staying quiet to allow the younger man to think, his distress and alarm was obvious though and his hands shaking after recounting such things. It was too much to expect one man to deal with, despite giving him an answer he desperately wanted to reject, that would satisfy _any_ Lord. It was as he thought this that he suddenly realised again that he _wasn't_ just one man to carry it all anymore, and the pressure lifted just a little, still Arthur sat shaking his head in horror, the implications for him staggering.

"Then my whole life…" He looked sharply at Gaius. "Who has been running Camelot all these years, really?"

Gaius looked back at him sadly and replied bluntly. "Your father. Those your age know nothing else, few my age survived, those who did live fled, and so we lost full crafts of people above and beyond actual sorceresses and sorcerers. The traditional responsibilities of the dragonlords were no longer attended to because there were none. The healers no longer existed, midwives were too afraid, and many _were_ at least hedge-witches. Battle sorcerers and warlocks no longer reinforced our defences, but to mention the weakening of those would be a death sentence. Certain traders stopped passing through the land due to past associations or having family who couldn't enter here. Our fields grew less productive- they give _enough,_ no one is left to starve as long as we are not in famine, but our wealth is depleted as there is less abundance. Our learning is stunted and will remain so as long as those who would be capable of and willing to teach avoid the place. Likely a time when their existence is legal.

Scholars usually learn in temples, or with the Druids, or with the men of the New religion- who are largely in support of suppressing magic. The sorcerers who would teach knights to fight against magic, train them, and the shields they'd need are locked in a horde, with everything else. Nothing was exactly _wrong_ with Uther for a long time, except for the change to his personality and terrible headaches, and you can't topple a king on that basis, with no suitable heir, of an age to rule or without a good regent. Most of your possible ones would have been more threat than protector, at least one tried to kill you already despite not being first in line after you; the only other possibilities were exiled by then."

Arthur rose and started pacing, "So, since the heir now _is_ of age, and requires no regent, being regent himself to the infirm king that factor is removed. Gaius, I want you to testify against him. Uther may not be mad but you have been treating him for years for what you could, and The kingdom, Morgana, and myself have all suffered from his grudges and injuries, and you have helped him to continue this long if nothing else it is unhealthy. This cannot continue, and I cannot risk waiting while Morgana regroups and people continue to suffer. Will you help me stop the injustice? Will you follow me, or fall with my father? Consider carefully physician. You are important to me personally, and to Merlin, but if Emrys cannot make the decision to hold you accountable for your actions _I can._ This is your one chance Gaius, but I will demand your _full_ allegiance, not a divided one. Can you give me that? Stop cooperating willingly with the current king?"

Gaius met the penetrating gaze of the crown prince proudly, "There was once a time I gave my oath to your father, I am afraid to break it, Unsure if it is possible. That Uther no longer exists, he has faded, and blackened his soul and my own. I will try. There is a chance it could work if the Old religion agrees that the man I swore allegiance to is finally gone."

Arthur narrowed his eyes, "I did not ask you to _try_ Gaius. I asked for your undivided loyalty."

The old man didn't try to avoid his stare, "I heard, but you _deserve_ my honesty, you always have. If I was my own man, or had someone to ask, perhaps I could be certain. My oath has been given Arthur, _long ago_ , I cannot give you undivided allegiance, and I would if I could. All I can swear to and be absolutely certain is not in conflict with the oaths that hold me, is that I WILL testify to the Council that Uther suffers from an old and degenerative injury and is unfit to resume his duties. Merlin knows a half truth of that, because he is _your_ father, and I need your permission to disclose some aspects. It was your right to know first, and I disrespected _Merlin_ in that way. Hard as it is for an old man to change, I'm trying not to make the _same_ mistakes again. I would gladly see you as permanent Regent, or as Camelot's king and I will give you everything I _can_. Nor do I believe that doing so conflicts with my Oath of allegiance to Uther, because the man I made that to would be proud of the man you are today, and gratified to see you lead. Do what you wish with me Sire, but please, whatever you decide, look after Merlin. Destiny has not been _kind_ to him." Gaius anxiety showed through, a sentiment he'd only rarely shown in Arthur's experience. Merlin seemed to have a habit of drawing out people's emotions and truth, often against their own wishes or intent.

The prince nodded sharply, "Very few things have. Or people. I will look after him as much as anyone can. Better than most. I know who he is and what we must do together. Who _we_ are. What we are to each other now. Whatever the knights claim."  
Gaius sighed in relief; his expression sobered as he watched the crown prince frowning, "I am sorry for many things in my life Arthur, but whatever Uther has done _you_ were a child, neither the cause of his actions, nor responsible for the course he undertook. In all of this horror you were the one good thing to come out of it."

Arthur pinched his brow frowning, "And Merlin."

Gaius glanced away long enough for Arthur to notice, _"Gaius?"_

The old physician sighed, he seemed to be doing a lot of that these days, "Do please _try_ to understand Sire; Merlin… Merlin exists _as he is_ because of you; because of your birth and the Purge. The son of Lord Balinor and Lady Hunith would have been born regardless of your existence, and come into his birthright as a dragonlord. He would have been a warlock even; but _Emrys_ only exists, at least in this form, when the Once and Future king- that's you Arthur- comes. I don't know what was before or comes after. Merlin is the son of my heart, but the prophecies say Emrys is the son of the Earth, sea and sky. Magic in human form. The balance as man when someone sought power and tried relentlessly to harm it, until they finally managed to alter the balance of the world somehow.

The meaning of everything has been argued for longer than such things have been recorded in written form, but it is always wise to be wary of trying to define those things, especially in prophecies with groups of threes. I would expect the fourth element to be included in that and it is not, perhaps assumed by his heritage. I've never told him of such writings because knowing would be dangerous, and deeply unwise without one who has greater understanding, such as Balinor or a High Priest. I think that given how little guidance he _has_ had- guidance that in many cases I was not able to give him fully sire, being a sorcerer rather than a witch myself- it would be unwise for _you not_ to have some little idea of what you are dealing with. Merlin is human, so _very, wonderfully_ _human_ ; but those who studied and knew more than me, dissected the lore or themselves were seers and prophetesses, including his kin, and the priestesses, did not define him as _only_ human. It is something I have never told Merlin, and never will, because that would be cruel, and might have reinforced his fear that he is a monster. He is not. Merlin is no monster. Emrys is no monster. They are one and the same. The way the Prince Regent and Arthur are one and the same.

He is the living proof for those with magic that you are who you claim to be, and no one can imitate him, mimic it convincingly. The closest in potency is Morgana. No one will ever match him Arthur, please understand that. Don't push him to shed that humanity and humility the way you do with the knights, the way you _have to_ do with the knights. There's always a cost, as you know, when you take a life. I've wronged Merlin, despite also protecting him, but I love him like a son, whether or not he can ever fully forgive me, that will never change. Don't make the same mistakes I did. His love is a precious thing, in any form, and fierce."

Arthur was stony faced as he answered, "I've no intention of it. Nor has _he._ Very well Gaius. _Everything_ you can give me, and full cooperation. If Uther hears of this first or you don't keep your word, then love of Merlin or not, your life will be forfeit for your part in the past persecution."

Gaius nodded, hands folded together, answering in a more respectful tone than Arthur had heard him use with Uther in many years, so long he'd forgotten it. "Yes sire."

He cleared his throat and pushed away a flood of childhood memories."It is long passed time, and you should have told me years ago when I was first old enough. Nimue was right, you did fail me, but Merlin didn't, and in your own way you kept us both alive and sane. The council meets tomorrow. Don't be late." Arthur's heart was hammering, mind screaming at him, and his fists clenched tightly to keep himself together, he paused in the doorway, hand on the doorknob, "Oh, and Gaius; Merlin defended you on that count, including the injury from Nimue's duel. Never send him to work with me so injured again." He let the door swing shut behind him, thankful that the man scribing seemed not to have registered anything.

As a younger man Arthur would have run from the chambers or left a scene of destruction, his anger now was not less- if anything it burned more intensely- but he did value not being the topic of public speculation and idle gossip, and was slightly better at handling his emotions than he had been. Slightly.

He still needed to fight someone. Desperately.

Merlin had been expecting to turn and face Lord Geoffrey, and was instead greeted by Lachlan's ghost, not reassured by the troubled expression, "He needs you, be waiting in the armoury, use the short-cut."

Merlin didn't ask for details, if his own recent interactions with Gaius were anything to go by, the deep set infection that needed lancing would be no less painful for understanding the necessity. He would be waiting; so as the crown prince stormed into the armoury with death in his eyes, he was standing ready to start buckling Arthur into his mail and armour.

"Thank you." bit out the Prince, which was more communication without a blow than he'd have expected weeks ago and Merlin's worried eyes flicked up to his face.

"Right. That's it. Perce and Gwaine are on the field, or…" Merlin looked at the rage and pain churning in the closed face and swallowed, "Or I could let you use me to let it go without actually hurting anyone."

"Not all of us can melt rock Merlin, but after tomorrow's meeting you can definitely show me that trick. The knights will suffice until then. I believe that may be my limit."

His manservant stood quietly aside and followed behind him without any of his usual prattle, respecting the Prince's frame of mind.

Catching the attention of Sirs Percival and Gwaine was easy. Watching the brutal session Merlin frequently winced, there was no calm holding back today whatever the others thought they saw, Merlin caught rage and grief, the fury and desolation and focus that shouldn't go together and yet did. Frequently. Leon and Lancelot were casting concerned looks at the other three, but not intervening. Leon seemed slightly less awkward around him than the last time Merlin had seen him, which was encouraging. Merlin stayed, for all of them, with their different reasons. Polishing and sharpening second swords and openly reading something unwise. It wasn't actually any more surprising than a servant reading at all, and in Camelot many people seemed to ignore anything mildly strange. He wasn't quite sure whether it was intentional or not, and years of observation hadn't solved the mystery. He doubted the next half hour would.

A wispy young woman materialised beside him and feeling the chill he smiled, not looking up. "Hello Eileen."

She looked at him, "I didn't mean to scare Sir Leon the gossip."

Merlin huffed in amusement, "Oh no, he was just surprised. Had a challenging week and realised many things he was taught are untrue. You apparently are welcome though, whatever you did, it hasn't scared him properly. Lachlan on the other hand is very much Not Allowed to visit him. Leon is nowhere near as ready as Percy and the Crazy One for that."

The ghost smiled, "Will you tell the girl about him."

Merlin looked blankly at her for a minute before understanding, "Oh! Gwen. Um… yeah. If she asks anyway. Not sure I'm quite ready to announce that to people. He's not known for his virtue, our Gwaine. Wherever it goes he'll always be Strength to us, and Mine in a way others are not. Not many would put up with half a coin and knowing they'd come second."

She shrugged. "You make him happy. He makes you happy. There is love between you both, and you care for each other, even if it doesn't always look that way. Like you and your king in that way. When you are angry he helps, and when the King is upset, he serves. I like watching them. Even if they can't see me or offer a flower anymore."

Her warlock smiled and glanced up to her wistful face, "Do you have a favourite?"

"Sir Percival." She said firmly, "and Sir Lancelot is very pretty."

Merlin snorted, "I meant flower."

"Oh." She paused for a moment, "Wood anemone, or primrose; and the smell of honeysuckle. They are rarely brought to the castle and not grown in the gardens." Merlin shook his head ruefully, it made sense, to miss something so close and so far. He didn't know if the ghosts were bound to Camelot, or free to move, but the woods were visible and close enough to taunt someone who loved them once. Holding out a hand he whispered something that he had perfected after Freya, because even _he_ conceded that a red rose was a bit too cliched, and he was no boy but a man grown. Opening it one of each lay one his palm and she smiled widely, "That's very sweet Merlin, but I can't touch things." The bright smile he'd been missing returned, "Try, they're made of magic, it _might_ work." He quirked an eyebrow upwards and her answering smile was wry.

"Well then, I suppose it would be rude not to at least try."

Her hands trembled as she lifted them and a phantom tear escaped. Reaching up she wove them through her hair and whispered the only reply she could, _"Thank you Emrys"_

He shrugged, "I can hardly call myself a gentleman if I bring Gwen some and skip you, can I; and I doubt the knights would be as effective at giving you flowers these days- even Percy and Lance."

She giggled at his side, "Probably not. I think you should take the Once and Future King to meet the Great dragon tonight Merlin, he is ready and needs to see. Set aside the old

fears. Arthur has eaten beside and accepted gifts from kings and Lords who fought against him on the battlefield and tried to kill him with far less cause than the Great dragon. He can put their past to rest in the same way. Once enemies can become allies just as once allies can defect to become enemies. Give them a chance." She caught his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Merlin wondered what it looked like to the knights, but it wasn't truly important. He'd take what comfort he could, while he could.

Gwaine had planned to keep an eye on Merlin, but it proved impossible with Arthur in the frame of mind he'd returned in. Percival was becoming concerned about their leader, and Gwaine was _fairly sure_ that it wasn't about his arrangement with Merlin, because he was as violent and furious with Percival, and didn't stop until he was pinned and they were the only ones remaining on the field. Gwaine finally had enough of the anger and attitude without any explanation and lowered his sword as Arthur let Percival back up, speaking firmly, "Princess. That's one hell of a push for 'sparring'. Something we should be worried about or rehearsing for?" He lifted a brow, Arthur had got rid of some energy and tension at least and stood slightly less rigidly.

He scowled, "It was just a difficult conversation with Gaius. Useful."

Gwaine nodded slowly, "Like yesterday was useful?"

Arthur grimaced and shuddered, "Yes. That kind."

"Alright. You gonna need anything specific for the meeting of the round table tonight?"

Arthur gulped; "You. Sober. Merlin, as sane as he ever is. The others present. Maybe a memory or two erased. Probably one of Merlin's _friends,_ definitely not his family. A barrel of mead for after it. Take him out Gwaine, he needs the practice, and the space, and I need to talk to Lord Geoffrey alone before the meeting."  
"Your wish is my command Princess. In this at least." He winked at the prince, "You'll be keeping him late tonight then."

A smile pulled at the side of Arthur's mouth, "Yes, almost definitely. If you have a problem with it that's tough."

Gwaine shrugged, "Nope. Just wanted to know if I should leave food out or not. Might have to plant it in his room. He won't eat at the council, or the rushed bit after except a few nicked bites. It'll be well over twelve hours if his standard pattern holds, but that's a helluva lot better than the three days he was going far too frequently between proper meals, and don't tell him you got that from me. Merlin's punishments are bloody diabolical."

Percival looked between them, nodding as if suddenly understanding something, "They really are. The man is an evil genius. Cunning. Creative. You never see it coming. That's what makes it worse than oblivious Gwaine here."

Arthur cleared his throat, "Best not call him oblivious anymore. Percy, you may have to speak tonight about justifying your opinion, or your experience. It's not something I ask you to do lightly. You would not be the only one sharing." Arthur glared at Gwaine, who looked troubled, "If that is what you wish, Sire."

Arthur sighed, "We'll see. I'm unsure yet. There are really only two of us who are without choice. He'll meet you at the stables in an hour Gwaine. Don't break him. I think I'd be held accountable if you did."

"Nope sire, his kin was quite clear about my oath and obligation. If I _break him_ I get roasted, quite literally, long before your sword could touch me."

Percival gaped and Gwaine folding his arms prompted him to close his mouth muttering "Nothing."

The secretish noble hummed, "We'll be there in plenty of time Princess, even if we have to persuade it, he wouldn't miss this."

Arthur watched his friend and nodded sharply before sheathing his sword. "See that your own injuries are tended first." Gwaine stared after him as he strode away from them to Merlin, calling over the 'idiot servant, always blethering' as he stalked to the armoury, leaving Percival and Gwaine the only two left on the field. _Who_ he'd been talking to only Merlin knew, because there was no one visible when they looked. Percival shrugged, "It's Merlin." Gwaine nodded. That was and had been an answer to a ridiculous number of questions over the years and was a standing joke among all the knights.

"Gwaine. What do you know about metaphors, and legends?" Percival asked hesitantly.

Gwaine gave him a measuring look, "Well, Percy, that depends entirely on why you are asking."

Percival paused, turning things over in his mind about how Gwaine might react or what he could have heard. "Because I have a nasty suspicion we may be living one. You know how I got here, my history and with a family like that... stories are important to the druids, sagas, that sort of thing; poetry, ballads… prophecies."

Gwaine's jaw set, certain now that the huge man knew. "There are no prophecies in Camelot Perce. No heroes of legend or coins of any sort, we clear? There are _our friends_ and _our reality._ Don't you let some third hand prophecy tell you what to do, you do what you think is right, what Dana would _want_ you to do _because_ it's right."

"So there are no kings of legend or Emrys then?"

Gwaine glared, "Well that would be illegal Perce, wouldn't it. Things like that don't happen in Camelot, there aren't even allusions in the library to risk it spreading, or rumours. It'd be crazy for any of them to come here, completely idiotic, what with it being punishable by a terrible death. Anyone with an ounce of self preservation would leave. Even if prophecies _were_ a thing, which they aren't, or we listened to Druids that we haven't met. "

Percival swallowed. "Right. Of course. I'd thought the same thing, couldn't possibly be that. I mean that would be crazy, so of course it wouldn't be here or now. I appreciate the assurance that my conclusion was not incorrect, Dana would be ecstatic- and laughing herself silly. I told her they were impossible. Obviously since it doesn't happen I won't ask or mention it to anyone else. They are aware…?"

Gwaine kept his voice low, gripping Percival's shoulder. "They know who they are, and they know each other now. You've seen that things are changing, and we're _not_ going to push them. Enough already have."

Percival's eyebrows knit together, "His kin?"

"Not my secrets to tell." Gwaine growled.

"You _have_ secrets to tell?" Percival sounded sceptical.

"Every man keeps secrets mate. If any god but Loki of the northmen is listening, I won't have to tell them tonight. Judging by the mood the Princess is in, and the honesty kick the rest of the deities seem to be on, my chances aren't good. Although if it goes along expected lines mine might even not even be noticed. Except by Leon."

"Why Leon?" Percival was genuinely curious the pair were often in conflict with each other.

Gwaine shrugged off handedly "I've been pretending for a long time now, but I saw him as a boy. I'm hoping he's forgotten. He gets a kick out of pulling rank on me though. He'll notice it, and I suspect he'll try to punish me for it, unless Merlin steps in, because Arthur definitely won't."

Percival stayed quiet. He'd wondered since Merlin's casual mention of Avalon - initially because no one _ever_ spoke of that place with less than true reverence. Not as though it was a place of comfort or that one could simply 'find', let alone return from. Then he'd begun to rethink events since meeting Merlin, 'jokes' he'd made. Most of all the very tight bond between him and Arthur combined with his now obvious magic. He wondered if Gwen knew what she was getting in to; he doubted it. The once and future King was not described as a friend of Emrys, as others were, but as the other half of him. Whatever you interpreted that to mean, he doubted she'd appreciate not being informed if Arthur continued to court her. He was suddenly glad Merlin had warned him already about the next round table meeting. Whatever the Prince had in mind it certainly would be extremely busy, and Merlin wasn't being granted a seat at the table for punishment, or even the merit of his advice. Percival just hoped the others reacted well…And sensibly.

"Percy, forget it until tonight OK. It'll make more sense then. Go get washed and beg someone with low standards or a size kink to help ease the pain of being Arthur's stress relief. I have to be somewhere, but I will be up later if you want someone to drink with." Percival raised an eyebrow in mild judgement.

"I know what this is about mate, no fucking way I'm going to sleep stone cold sober, or any of the others. Fine. Talk to. Happy now?"

"Much better Gwaine. Unlike some I don't need anyone with low standards or poor morals. I'll take you up on the offer anyway if you don't want to spend it with Merlin."

Gwaine stilled, not wanting rumours to begin about the three of them. "Merlin will be unavailable tonight, Princess will need him, and Merlin will need the Princess. My part comes after." He shrugged.

Percival watched him closely, "You really mean that, don't you. This isn't just another bedwarmer fling."

"Aye, I really do, but I'm a reasonable man Percival, and I care about the pair of them enough not to want to add conflict and pain. Both are good friends. To me and to each other, in their different ways. Let's just say I've got the approval of those who really matter, and their support, yeah? I'm going to be a work widower though. I hope you can lower your standards enough to spend some evenings gaming with me. Merlin is never going to be _less_ busy, but as long as he'll have me I'll be whatever he needs. You saw it before I did you monolithic bastard. Could have given me a heads up."

Percival grinned, "I thought it was so painfully obvious that you two must've had a reason not to. Like a Rule from Prince Arthur, or him not being willing to share an ex or something. Seriously, _how_ could you not know? You said that you stayed for him. _How_ could you not notice your own damn feelings? Or his? And really Gwaine, he's been looking at you in a non fraternal way since I met you both. Probably longer. Not something that is easy to ask here though is it. Poor guy, if the rest wasn't enough in Camelot."

"Actually it's not what you think, but that's not my place to tell you. Go on, stop gossiping, and take advantage of this peace before the storm. I envy you it. Mine long since disappeared. Can't stay. Long day ahead."

Gwaine left a wondering and slightly stunned peasant knight behind him, and hoped he hadn't gone too far. Percival had always been a good listener though and with a druid wife and in laws, it was only surprising that he hadn't seen it sooner. Gwaine did trust him not to mention it, any more than he mentioned his murdered family. "Goodbye Gwaine. Bring the decent ale today."

"Nae fear mate. If I knew where to get it I would be looking for something stronger than the rich wine."

Percival half smiled, "Then don't do anything stupid, and while you can't make them cooperate at least try to keep them from anything too reckless."

"Far too late for that but the sentiment is appreciated."

Gwaine returned to his chamber and collected the relevant weapons and walked calmly down to the stables with an obviously excessive amount, glad now that those who ranked lower than him would not think to ask about them. Merlin's face as he was noticed, cleared briefly with a true smile. "Tell me when we get there." Merlin nodded. "That's better than my plan was." He said.

"I keep telling people -"

Merlin held his hand up, "Shut up. When we get there, so don't dither."

Gwaine shook his head, "No." and took off Merlin following closely, barely remaining behind him even before they reached the city gates.


	51. Chapter 51

**Epilepsy has been a bitch in the heat so please forgive any glaring mistakes, sometimes editing fails in such circumstances. As you were...**

Arthur walked into the library without waiting for an answer or invitation.

"The poor manners of your manservant are catching I see. Do you have a _reason_ to seek out the archives or do you too wish to dramatically twirl and storm straight back out?"

The prince looked blankly at the man who sat watching him, stroking his beard, "Geoffrey, I have literally no idea what you are talking about, except for the manners, and the lack is, for once, not Merlin's fault. Don't worry, I am sure by nightfall _many_ more things will be his fault, things I have not even thought of. It was a reasonable assumption. No. I'm here because the Round Table will be meeting tonight, I would like you to be present and that is far more likely to happen if you are notified of the fact; and also because I want to see your list."

"List, my Lord?" There was no change to the archivist's disengaged expression, as bland as his tone was, no twitch of an eyebrow to betray him.

"Yes." Arthur crossed his arms resolutely.

Geoffrey maintained the air of aloof cooperation while being decidedly unhelpful, "Which list? I am keeper of the archives. I have many lists. Lists of many things. Lists of taxes, of people, of children, and sheep, of makers marks-"

Arthur growled, "The one that _every_ Lord keeps while denying it exists. The one loosely compiled for all of us at the minute our sex is known; the list of personally chosen and ranked candidates, potential queens Lord Geoffrey. You have wronged us in many ways, but never apparently plotted the downfall of Camelot, or a hostile takeover through marriage, or actively participated in any such campaign but that sanctioned by my father. You've watched me my whole life, and Guinivere was a variable you couldn't have foreseen. She's recent enough for this to be a legitimate concern of yours when there were discussions. I want to see _your_ list."

Geoffrey frowned as he sat down,"Why, sire? I thought you had chosen the Lady Guinivere."

Arthur sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Because _I_ had chosen _her_. She has not it seems chosen _me_ for certain, not with the necessary conviction, and I no longer offer what I believed I did. What she believes I do. To bring her into this… I love her; but she was not raised to expect another person in her marriage. Half a coin? That is a very different prospect to the whole sum of a king. She would seek solace with another, and it would cause chaos. The people love her. I would lose support if they believed her to be mistreated, and an heir that was not incontestably mine would face many problems. If they sided with me there would have to be an exiled queen as I will not execute Guinivere and her comforter, and I still care for her. Either way, I intend to allow her to make an informed decision, and will be having her brought in later in the meeting… well the end of it. I have to. Even if I didn't, Sir Elyan is of the Round table, and Sir Lancelot. Rome crumbled from the inside when it fell, you taught me."

Geoffrey nodded. He understood; The Once and Future King with Emrys was indeed a very different prospect to Prince Arthur, Camelot's champion. Arthur already knew who she would turn to should she feel scorned. So did Emrys he was sure.

"Yes Sire. I'll get my quill."

Arthur felt a prickle of surprise, "It isn't written down already?"

Geoffrey rolled his eyes. "I'd hardly recommend another who I expect to support evil actions, show consistently poor judgement, or to harm you. Had I been discovered in all these years, these archives would have been torn apart. Writing down names would identity possible sympathisers. The quill is quite the strongest weapon, Sire, when appropriately used."

Settling there with some old parchment, Geoffrey scratched a very short list of names. "There. I believe that you could work with and build a rapport with any of these, drastically different from each other as they may be. None have an arguable claim to the throne without you, nor have they demonstrated war mongering tendencies. Then to offset your diplomatic visits and treaty renewals with _their fathers_ specifically _,_ invite Queen Annis and King Caerleon. It will dispel any negative rumours of your motives or values changing."

Arthur nodded, he had intended to, pinching the bridge of his nose as he considered the practicalities of his plan.

"Our only complication with that course is Sir Gwaine. His existence, his presence, hel the fact he's been here _before,_ and that we exiled him, without notifying Caerleon. At least we didn't kill him too."

Geoffrey snorted, "You needn't worry about _that_ Sire; that kingdom retains knowledge of the old religion. By then Merlin will be easily recognised for his position on sight by such folk. They will not protest his position at Emrys' right hand as Merlin sits at yours, and a word from _him_ will have them hold their tongues about anything you wish them to. To be a personal friend of Emrys or The Once and Future King is a great honour, and his service in their eyes may be a wise investment. Wiser even than returning to take up kingship as you come forward. You can expect a request to renew friendship beyond uneasy peace before the second morning they are here."

Arthur looked puzzled and disconcerted, "On sight recognition? That only works with the Druids right?"

Geoffrey raised a bushy grey eyebrow, "He plans to claim what is his. Meet the Druid Council openly. Belatedly, but to no less effect, he remains their rightful leader. The ink will work quite well enough, if the ring and bracelets don't do it first."

Arthur paled, scowling, "I don't like it. They're permanent. Adornments of any kind are fine."

The archivist snorted again, "Ah yes, I forgot, when you take off your crown you are no longer the Prince Regent are you."

"That's different." Arthur glared.

The old man shook his head calmly, "No it isn't. He was born the son of the Lord of Dragonlords, equal to you in rank, and is Emrys. It wouldn't matter if he never wore anything to show his rank, the way he has done for years, he'd still be who he is and you know it."

"I don't have to like it." Scowled the Prince.

Geoffrey gave him a steady look, "No, but you _do_ have to accept it."

Arthur glared at him, jaw tensed, "I _know that."_

"So what's the problem?"

Arthur went to throw something, the placid voice aggravating him, and growled when he remembered where he was, forcefully replacing it on the desk.

"It is dangerous, he'll become even more of a target, the stupid idiot, and it covers up and disguises all he's done so far. I don't like it. He's changed so much, and this will make everyone else see it, properly. Tattoos are associated with threats. Merlin is not one. He'll be accused of things and targeted by people who claim to be on my side, and defending me."

The gruff librarian nodded, "Ah. Then this is about more than just Merlin's ink, because otherwise I might think it was deeply ingrained prejudice..."

Arthur sighed, "He's really going to get it done, isn't he? Change things. Right now it's still a small group who know and understand. I was always serious about changing things and repairing the kingdom, seeking out those we wronged, and the Druids, and making peace, but it was somehow more distant. If he makes it visible to all, there are no more quiet moments. There will always be someone watching and I'll forget who we are. Our own peace will be lost for the one that covers all people. In all of this chaos he was the one thing that managed to change and still remain the same. I don't know how, it's like magic. Maybe it _is_ magic. Like pastries."

Lord Geoffrey rolled his eyes, ignoring most of the bits that were nonsense, "You are the other side of the coin are you not? I certainly don't know him as you do. _Obviously_ he is going to change things, that was _your_ plan if I recall correctly. As was him finally taking responsibility for the accidental vacancy he left for High Priestess- or Priest I suppose. Not that enough questions won't be asked about that anyway, but then they always have been of you two, and neither ever answered. I doubt you'll start now. As for your own position there are certain expectations. Lord Merlin knows this. You both change, it is not for the worse though and will now not drive the same wedge between you."

Arthur sighed, "I never knew him as well as I thought."

"Yes you did Sire." Said the old man surprisingly gently, "Is there anything else you need?"

"No Geoffrey," he raised the scrap of parchment, "That's all for now, take the opportunity to rest, after tonight there won't be much chance for a while. I spoke to Gaius. It was very informative. There are details I will require later. I advise you to preparation… and being absolutely certain of where your loyalties lie." The Prince was relieved his voice remained steady, and that Lord Geoffrey bowed respectfully. "Yes Sire. They are with you, always, and with the records if I had a second. I will be ready."

Arthur left the archives feeling slightly more positive than before and met Sir Lancelot returning to his chambers. Fingers tightening around the parchment he held he concentrated on not gritting his teeth. Not looking forward to discussing either of the people they had shared with the man, and sure that putting it off would not help.

"Come, Sir Lancelot, walk with me." If the darker man felt nerves creep over him as he realised that he was being herded towards the prince's study he didn't show it. He certainly did not flinch in an unknightly manner when the door slammed shut leaving him alone with the Prince.

"You knew." Stated Prince Arthur firmly.

After being beaten around the field and back Lancelot didn't need to ask what was meant by that.

He nodded seriously, making no move to challenge the prince's authority, clear as his distemper was. "I did."

"How long?" asked the Prince sternly, summoning all his training to remain regal in the face of a personal vulnerability.

Lancelot did wince this time, "Since the Griffin, Sire. He engulfed my lance with bright blue flames as I went to thrust it. Normal weapons couldn't pierce the hide or scratch it."

Arthur pushed down the instinctive sense of betrayal with an effort, "Why did you not tell me? Then or on any of hundreds of occasions since."

The common knight answered him without hesitation. "He is a good man sire. Loyal, honourable, fierce. He embodies my closest held ideals. Mostly though sire, he is a friend; one of my closest. I returned because he called. With Percival, who trusted my judgement, Gwaine returned for Merlin, not that that's a great secret. Even before the idiot realised it. He protects Camelot with his life, and with it all of us, he always has. The very least he was due was to have my reciprocal protection by my silence. I considered him a brother Knight sire. He sustained many wounds protecting the city, and more defending _you personally_ Showed no regret of that. I felt it would be dishonourable to intentionally cause his death, as well as a betrayal of my oath to protect the people of Camelot. Merlin is our only defence against some weapons or attackers. So one might say there were many reasons."

Arthur nodded seriously and switched angle, "Of course when you met he was also a close friend of Guinevere. What exactly are your feelings towards Lady Guinevere, Sir Lancelot? Are they unchanged in nature as they once were?"

Lancelot looked panicked, trapped, an answer in itself thought Arthur.

"Well she, I would never- I have not brought either of you disgrace Sire. I would never behave dishonourably. Yes, I still care deeply for her, but she _chose_ you. I understand why."

Arthur closed his eyes briefly and fisted his hand. "Look after her in the same way you protected Merlin. You are the best man I know Lancelot, and you have my permission if you need it, to court her should she react as I suspect she may tonight. Should she come to you, I release you both to follow that path. Say nothing of this conversation to her. It is not yet time. I expect you to be there tonight, and to cease covering for Camelot's last protector."

"Sire?" His Knight sounded confused. Concerned maybe? Arthur could tolerate many things but concern, or worse _pity_ was not one of them. His expression darkened.

"Leave, Sir Lancelot. Please. I have much to think about before tonight's Council."

Lancelot didn't miss the tone of command and bowed before he left, somewhat bewildered by what had been said. He had left Gwen alone when he realised that the Prince was seriously interested in her, without creating enmity between any of them them. Had stepped back to allow them that freedom, and been glad of Merlin's strategic and kind silence on the matter around him. Subtlety was rarely his strong point. Gifted as he was, certain skills were developed with interactions and being around people. Things that the warlock had seemed to have had far less experience with when they met than most people his age. There also was a definite element of it seeming to Merlin a waste of breath and energy when life was so short, especially for those like him, no time to throw away pointlessly. Except for communing with nature or fire. Lancelot knew never to ask why, and Merlin never mentioned the reason. They had discussed magic often enough. Talked about laws away from the city, but never was there discussion of Merlin's future in a personal sense, beyond Lancelot saying that Arthur wouldn't burn or execute him. Correct as it turned out, but the rest was unspoken.

For Arthur to speak that way to Lancelot he had to have a reason to expect an unfavourable result later, and his skin pickled as it always did before a fight, or quest.

After leaving Gwaine and Merlin on the field Percival avoided everyone. Even though he knew it was irrational, there was a part of him afraid that anyone looking would _know._ They would see what he was thinking. Actually, Merlin probably could if he wanted to thought Percival; if he knew _how to._ He'd heard enough outside Camelot to know that complex magic usually required knowing a specific technique or dedicated practice. At least if they wanted to attain any finesse. Frankly Merlin didn't seem the type to invade minds, at least not without permission. Not without lives being at stake; sometimes rules were less useful and fixed for non knights. Percy had always been against murder, and then the rules had changed. He was less black and white than Lancelot now, though he respected anyone who could sustain such a rigid idea of _good_ and _right,_ and evil in the world they inhabited.

 _He_ felt more like Sir Leon had confessed to at a campfire. Like there were two worlds with slightly different rules. Perhaps more. The one he had grown up in was fundamentally different and distinct from the city he now lived in, despite sharing the land's name, and being defended by those same knights. There were long nights when he had questioned his choices, those made before joining Arthur, and after. Wondering if it had been the right thing, or misguided, he supposed now he had his answer. The great Emrys had done their dishes. Sharpened his sword once, listened to him sing badly that one time they were all horribly drunk and laughed. It was surreal, and assuredly tangible all at once, and he wasn't about to risk revealing the man he who had hidden in plain sight for years. Not when there seemed to be a plan in place. One Gwaine apparently knew about. Knew about and said nothing, and ended up somehow tangled in prophecy, it was a mess worthy of him really. Percival didn't know anyone else who would get themselves into such trouble except for Merlin, who was in even deeper. Somewhere on the other side his wife was laughing at him.

Percy had hoped he was wrong, he really had. Had wanted Merlin to be just some strong sorcerer, a magical servant, not a central figure in some legend or myth. Or 'destined' to fight the Witch. Merlin was like a little brother- well to Percival most people were _little_ comparatively, but a younger brother who was always getting in and out of scrapes, often found in places he shouldn't be.

Leon was focusing even more intensely than usual on his duties, avoiding all eye contact too, so it wasn't too difficult to avoid notice.

Sir Leon hadn't made the mistake of thinking the Prince's manservant wasn't _capable_ or particularly intelligent. Peasants who were literate were uncommon enough, and Merlin didn't just do basic name signing and sums; he wrote and edited speeches, and researched medicine, remedies, remembered them in a crisis. Despite Arthur's teasing and frequent ridicule of his servant, he still directed Merlin to serve foreign dignitaries, and trusted him not accidentally kill someone with a poorly calculated medication. Or _intentionally_ for short term financial gain. They had spent too long together for Arthur to make those choices actually believing him to be _stupid._ Irritatingly prone to making risky choices and pursuing courses of action others may have discouraged, unnervingly reckless at times but not _stupid._ Most other knights had taken a long time to realise the same thing, fighting against the Prince's new idea that men were at their core _equal,_ it challenged the rigid structure of their world, and if a man could change one acknowledged truth, what was to stop him from disputing others he disagreed with?

Unfortunately for those traditionalists Prince Arthur had _stubbornness_ _issues._

They were never going to win that fight.

Most had dropped the attempt after Percival, Lancelot, Elyan, and Gwaine turned up.

Merlin was unusual from the start, but so were many of them, and everyone had damage they didn't want disturbed, so Leon didn't ask probing questions. Some he hadn't met until after the Lady Morgana turned to magic after all-no, he corrected himself mentally, until she turned _against_ Camelot. Leon had been involved in the search for her, the first time she disappeared. Seeking out the druids as someone well known in Camelot was dangerous, but more than anything it didn't make much sense to him then. To trade Camelot's abundance and safety for the rather hand to mouth life of druids who had to remain moving, without safety and a loyal group of defenders- or so he'd believed at the time.

Merlin and Gwaine cantered towards the tree-line, allowing the horses to warm up before trying to race away from the city. As they reached the beginning of the woods Gwaine broke the tense silence between them.

"What happened?" He asked bluntly, and something exploded alongside the path, "Oh, much the same as happened to me the other day. Except with a longer history. Gods this place… Arthur spoke to Gaius. Uther attacked Nimue when Igraine died." Gwaine looked horrified, that was madness short of being a family member, and sacrilegious on top of it.

Satisfied his friend was appropriately shocked, Merlin continued, "Oh no, it gets better, it was in defence of the newborn baby she was holding, that just happened to be Arthur."

Gwaine nodded slowly, "Okaaay. Well that is messed up. Why was the high priestess involved at all? Or at his birth? I thought they hated all things Old religion here."

Merlin sighed and looking around them cast a silencing charm, just in case of witches piggy backing the spirits or eyes of birds, or something obscure that he hadn't thought of.

"Maybe some of them, but not my aunt. Nimue was there because his birth wasn't entirely natural, and she was a close friend of the Queen. Men weren't allowed to be there, and she insisted."

"Well obviously." Gwaine rolled his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Merlin raised a brow. He was the second choice of physician, but still a physician, and very much male, whatever casual teasing he may accept on that point.

Noticing the look Gwaine shrugged, _"Please,_ you are a better choice than death. I love you but that is a very, very low bar to set mate."

No one but his mother had actually said that to him before and Merlin honestly didn't know how to respond, so didn't, ignoring it instead. "Uh, right, yeah, well she was there anyway things went wrong, and Uther blamed her entirely. She was the leader of the magic folk and old religions representatives though, right, so that anger and war extended to everyone. He blamed magic because the balance could not be bargained with. I think he maybe thought in the beginning that he could swap them, trade Nimue for his wife. Impossible or she'd have done it with him pretty quickly. If some of the people you lead are taken you have to go to seek their freedom, so even after she left she couldn't just stay away. Uther decided they were two different sides, almost like the coin thing, I suppose it depends which way the head is facing, opposing or holding together.

Never says in the prophecy whether I'm looking the opposite way to Arthur or not, real coins are always facing two different directions, never the same perspective. Oh, yeah, different sides, so only the non magical ones were _his_ people, and the others were _hers._ We were a risk in his mind to stability, to everything he loved. There are things Arthur isn't telling me, but he hasn't tried arresting me for holding back some details about his birth, so me pressing would be unwise. He doesn't have a dragon to talk to for help, only us really. Gaius is going to support openly the removal of Uther from the kingship and Arthur becoming permanent regent. He won't be there tonight, so I think there are conditions to his inclusion or limits to it, which there probably should be given the current state of affairs. Ours and his. There was a time not long ago I'd have been desperate to have his support at tonight's meeting. Now I desperately want him to see the results, be a part of magic's return, but I need to do this alone-well, almost alone. With Arthur and you, but openly and without the 'keep it secret' chant holding us back tonight. Arthur was correct. You were right. I'm _never_ going to be _ready,_ it will always feel too soon, I'm always going to be afraid of announcing this or including anyone in it, so on my own terms, or someone else's is my choice, and tomorrow we may die. Or- or the thing I do. Will you be there after?" Merlin looked nervous, biting his lip in the way he rarely did any more.

Gwaine shook his head firmly, "No. No Merlin, I'll be waiting for you, but after the meeting it won't be _me_ you need, it's the Princess, and he'll need you just as much, if not more. I'm not going anywhere. You want me to wait in my room or yours? Percy's going to keep me company in the aftermath, such as it is. I am not some delicate flower of a lass you have to keep happy or lose. Told you, I know what I'm getting into and it's a two for one deal. Tonight that is you two, and if there's a leftover it can fall into bed next to me as long as he eats first. Otherwise Emrys gets kicked out to go get some kitchen fare. Oh, yeah, and Percival and Lance keep giving me strange looks, from the moment I saw them this morning. Don't suppose you know why?"

Merlin blushed, "It's been a while?"

"Uh huh. Definitely not long enough for you to have forgotten anything, so? Was there a time limit on that spell?" Gwaine arched a brow dryly.

Blue eyes flicked away, "Um, no. Not a _time_ limit exactly, I just hadn't expected _this,"_ He gestured between them, "So while it was absolutely, completely _soundproof_ I think I might have forgotten emotions? It's a different nuance. It's possible _maybe_ that they didn't _hear_ anything but some of the other things leaked?"

Still blushing furiously Merlin ran fingers through his fingers through his hair, he hadn't made a mistake like that in a _long_ time, no matter how exhausted he'd been.

"Riiiiight. OK. That explains a lot. This isn't some exhibitionist kink I should know about is it? Because I should definitely _know_ about something like that."

Merlin shook his head wildly, "No, gods no, I don't like being noticed by magic, too bound up in execution and that really isn't the way to end _any_ encounter _ever_. Definitely not magic like that, but I promise you it wouldn't have been anything forceful or weird. Just like… emotions, or stuff."

Gwaine folded his arms across his chest, turning his horse "You are a very lucky man Merlin, that I am so very relaxed about such things. Do _try_ to make sure anything unusual in future is at least done on purpose. The knights are not a kind and forgiving bunch about that sort of thing and are known to tease each other for years over less."

"Maybe they'll be in better moods for it if it was the bits with loss of tight control." Merlin pouted. It really hadn't been intentional.

"Might help Leon with that fresh stick you thought he needed; depending on exactly which bits you were sharing." retorted the knight lightly.

Merlin choked as his friend grinned evilly at him.

"I don't know why I put up with you sometimes." He replied, shaking his head.

Gwaine winked at him, nudging his horse back to the path again, "Because I have great hair, and a nice arse?"

"Well, there's that at least." Merlin rolled his eyes indulgently.

"I come when you call?"

Merlin snorted, "So does Trixie, and she doesn't smell like a brewery when I take her home."

"She doesn't feed you either." Gwaine pointed out.

"You steal my food on quests!" Merlin yelled indignantly.

"Yeah, then I feed you and try to stop you from dying dramatically in front of the princess, even supported the terrible excuses you were making when I got suspicious."

"That's supposed to make me feel better, huh?"

Gwaine couldn't help smiling, "Fine. You have low standards, high tolerance for assholes who do fancy sword-work, and a desperate need to live on the edge so I'm the only one crazy enough to go with you?"

Merlin chuckled, "There's that. Plus you love me, and after Avalon I kind of think I might have accidentally and unwisely started to love you back. It's probably the adrenaline addict thing."

Gwaine swallowed hard. He'd always successfully avoided emotional entanglements before, he was well and truly caught in the net now though, and not with someone who believed the lie, Merlin knew _exactly_ who he was.

"Well then, good thing the Rising sun's my favourite tavern in the kingdoms." The knight said gruffly, clearing his throat. "Anyway, seems like the Princess has decided to make some changes. Did he at least check with you first?"

Merlin raised an eyebrow and looked over to Gwaine, "He's the Once and Future King, he does what he believes is right."

"So that's a no then." Replied his friend flatly.

Merlin smiled gently at the rogue's frustration with Arthur's arrogance, "No, but I knew it was coming, and I'd rather tell them _before_ I'm all unapproachable or terrifying. He _has_ the authority to make the decision Gwaine. This _is_ his call."

"Unapproachable and terrifying?" Gwaine prompted, curious.

Merlin's lips twisted distastefully, "I spoke to the Catha this morning, like I promised, and they were… helpful."

He huffed, "Ah. Well, I suppose you in your full warrior form would cover terrifying, but I don't think you can con the round table. They all know you fix broken legs on hares when you think no one is watching, and give little girls buttercups to distract 'em from the vile taste of a medicine. Leader of the Catha probably won't make them forget your deflated look after being caught by Bertha stealing sausages either."

"Thanks Gwaine for that brutal assessment, I swear one day I am going to poison your ale… and it isn't _always_ buttercups."

"Daisies aren't more threatening mate."

Merlin laughed, "I'll keep it in mind next time. I don't suppose you've an opinion on violets?"

Gwaine frowned, violets had never been his favourite flavour, "Distinctly less common in the castle and likely to get you pointlessly caught. What's behind the concern then?"

The warlock sighed and shifted awkwardly, "You've travelled a bit, seen at least a few people who use similar methods to the druids I know to identify leaders or positions in the community yeah? Ever notice anything about the placement of their marks… like the subtlety?" Gwaine grimaced in understanding.

"You could always say no, if you really don't want 'em."

"That's the thing, I spoke to them and gods they've complicated plans about extensive illustrations, but advocated starting small, and I honestly found myself wanting them, it seems right, like a part of me that I wasn't ready for before… but it'd be hard to hide some of them without magic."

"So use magic." Shrugged Gwaine, as though merely suggesting using a shovel to dig a hole.

"Are _you_ going to go looking for Mab to see if this is covered under the exceptions or not."

Gwaine held up his hands, "Hell no, but Kilgarrah might be able to help work out what applies to _that_. Maybe avoid inking faces for now, most of the rest isn't that obvious unless you are bathing or have to strip for something like an injury in the field. What did they say? Did you run into any trouble with losing they neckerchief today?"

Merlin grimaced, "Only one. Gwen was a bit upset, and will probably have more to say about it later, she was a bit shocked I think, which did at least work in my favour, as did her preoccupation with shoving new clothes at me and insisting I try them on."

"Did you?" Asked Gwaine from his side.

"No. Lachlan appeared before I could and sent me to the armoury to be in time for Arthur getting there."

"If she gave you them this morning then the Princess is expecting you to wear the new shit for the round table council tonight. It will reinforce your position to any who would notice, and demonstrate that this isn't spur of the moment, but has been considered at least long enough to get the cloth and make them up while she also cares for the king. He doesn't want to burn your current things _just_ because they are an offence to tailors and traders everywhere."

"Oi! They're perfectly serviceable thanks, and a lot easier to clean than any of the Prat's fancy things that tear or scorch like an autumn leaf."

"..." Gwaine looked expectantly at Merlin.

" _Fine,_ I'll wear the stupid new clothes, it is still completely ridiculous; it's not like the roundtable don't _know_ I've spent years mucking horses, cleaning socks, and polishing whatever is shoved at me."

The ex-noble turned knight smirked, unmoved, "No, but you don't wear the same type of things to do the job of a knight or an advisor. It's like armour and mail. Outside the castle on patrol it's for safety. Inside the castle it's not really needed for that unless negotiating with a recently hostile bunch, it's worn for different reasons. Trust him on this, it's a game he's been playing all his life, they are the pieces on a board. So are you. He's choosing the route to his ends."

"This doesn't feel like a conversation I should have with you without ale."

"Most of our recent ones don't." Gwaine's brows knit together, and Merlin huffed an agreement, looking around them, "We're close."

His 'trainer' grinned, "Mmhmm. You ready to fight?"

Merlin's finger tightened around the reigns, "Very."

Gwaine nodded, "Good. After the last couple of days, if you weren't, something would be wrong." A grimness and grief tinged the words. Crossing the wards the horses stopped calmly, and both men dismounted, Gwaine offered both long knives to Merlin who took them and whirled, feeling the prickle on the back of his neck of being watched.

In the clearing Isildur was standing somberly, and bowed to them, an action that remained unfamiliar to Merlin but felt very slightly less unnatural than it had the first time.

"I see you are truly committed to this course My Lord. My people wish to offer a gift in support, I will admit to being surprised at what the other elders deemed you would require and appreciate. Following the change in the magic of the land it is less shocking. There are two people who meet the conditions you specified that are willing to come to Camelot and train further in healing, but I sense that it is no longer urgent?"

Merlin stood straighter and crossed the clearing to the druid elder, "Thank you Isildur, I will need them in future, and their rare skills, but right now I doubt it would be wise to add anyone else to the mix. A few people unexpectedly arrived shortly after I requested your help in finding someone. It seems that the goddess anticipated my requirement before I did myself."

The druid smiled, "She always does."

"Well so far she hasn't done a great job of showing it." Merlin scowled blackly.

Isildir lifted one brow, "Was the great dragon not helpful then."

"Well yes but-"

"Or your mentor? Despite your estrangement. Your own mother who mirrored the example of that aspect of the goddess?" There was no condemnation in the druid's voice, and it was as good as a slap to Merlin.

"I- She could really do with working on Her communication skills if that's the case." The darkness had faded back to the corners of his features again, remaining muted.

"Did you ever _ask_ her Emrys?" His question was pointed, but the voice remained gentle and without judgement. The older man had seen some of Merlin's struggles and his attempts to do what was right while naive and half blind… and the consequences, some of which cost his own people dearly.

Merlin paused ; "I suppose I didn't, not really. Yelled, angrily, demanded, accused, even begged on occasion, but not at someone specific most of the time. Perhaps that was a mistake."

"Indeed. Be glad my Lord that others thought to do it on your behalf until now. Even Nimue, whose mistakes and darkness did not outweigh her dedication to serving the will of the Triple goddess until the end. The time has come for you to take responsibility for that awareness and service. Your own link to Her and the Earth allow you to communicate and enact things without what we'd consider 'proper' ceremony and ritual when necessary, or moved to it, they always have, but even you cannot do all things that way. I know what power would have been needed to reverse such darkness." He looked seriously at the man standing before him, and held out an object wrapped in heavy cloth, dyed a vivid red. Very different from the red of Camelot, and marked with a black rune. "This is new, unused, and only for such rituals as Emrys is called to perform. It has not been tainted by the Purge, or the blood of innocents. Never use a blade that has been Lord Emrys, even if it should be given as a gift. Kilgarrah can verify the truth of it if you wish."

Merlin gulped, and nodded, taking the bound cloth. "It seems it is the day for gifts." he smiled, "I will take it tonight to Kilgarrah, and see it there, but I sense no darkness from it Isildur, and your clan have never done me any harm yet. I don't suppose you've any experience with tattooing someone inexperienced have you?"

The 'Lord Emrys' shifted uncomfortably as he spoke, and waited for the older man's response; "As it happens I am usually responsible for completing the youngsters marks. Why do you ask?"

Merlin faltered and Gwaine stepped forward as silent encouragement, placing a hand on his shoulder, "So you would be able to check the meaning of a design?"

Looking briefly puzzled, Isildur smiled slowly, "Certainly, if there was a need."

Taking a deep breath the young warlock looked sharply over the druid that hadn't given up on him despite having reason, feeling fingers lightly squeeze, "Then I would ask you to do so, I will be away from the Camelot with Prince Arthur, Sir Gwaine, and one other for multiple purposes. One of those is to have the first done, but I'd still appreciate a second opinion better qualified than to comment on aesthetics."

The older man was smiling widely when Merlin stopped, fidgeting unconsciously. "I would be honoured, Emrys. Don't be nervous. By our traditions, and your own- though you may not know it- these are not marks of ownership, or even _obligation_ per se, they are symbols of belonging, or community and remind us that we are never alone. Among other things. It is not an exclusion from one era in your life, but a welcoming to the next. Call me when it is time, I will come. Still, I have stayed too long, you have not the luxury of time. Goodbye Emrys, Sir Gwaine."

"Yeah, just 'Gwaine thanks, no 'Sir' out here. Feels wrong, and like a stuffy noble."

"Gwaine then. Go in peace." Isildur left, almost fading out of the clearing.

Merlin turned to the knight, still holding the tightly wrapped bundle and raised his eyes to Gwaine's own, feeling the burn of magic under his skin. Gwaine lifted his hand and rolled his eyes, "What are you waiting for? I'm not fighting you until you're not going to accidentally flame me." Merlin swallowed and knelt, digging fingers into the ground and closing his eyes as he sent the wave of magic into the wards of the quiet space hidden here. When it eased he stood and Gwaine raised an eyebrow, "Better?"

Merlin's lips twisted upwards, "Yeah. Yeah it is. Thanks."

His friend folded his arms and nodded towards the small bundle in Merlin's right hand. "So do you know _what_ exactly that is?"

"I don't know what it looks like, but I've a good idea. There's at least one in the vaults. Probably more. It's a ceremonial knife. A good one if I'm not mistaken. Not one I want to take back in full view to Camelot. I'm going out to Kilgarrah tonight with him anyway- I really should warn the prat first, remind me. He might not take the surprise as well as you did."

"You don't think telling the round table he's legalising magic, organising a coup, and that they are standing with the Once and Future King and Emrys is enough for one night?" Merlin grimaced, "Who knows; maybe it'll distract him."

Gwaine stared at Merlin for a moment, before bursting into peals of laughter. "I'll be waiting with something very strong for you after. Good luck you mad bastard."

Merlin shrugged, "I have to go anyway. Might as well get it over with and introduce all the allies if we're doing it for the humans."

Gwaine shook his head, "One way to do it I suppose. Right, knives at the ready, and this time watch your footwork, you're too used to relying on your hands and upper body alone. Just because you can cheat death doesn't mean you can help anyone whilst you are doing it, or that the rest don't panic or lose focus. You staying alive helps keep _him_ safe. If you won't do it for anything else, do it for that. "

Gwaine couldn't quite keep the growl out of his voice at the end.

Merlin frowned, "Hey, it's not like I throw myself at death any more."

"Anymore he says." Gwaine snorted in disbelief.

"What's wrong, I thought you were OK with…"

"Just give me a day or two to get used to always seeing the scars, OK? It's nothing bad, just still a bit jarring when I'm used to not seeing them, despite the fact they were still there and nothing is different. A bit of pointy iron or steel would have done no good at all, but instinct screams that you'd be protected at least…"

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Gwaine. I have a dragon."

Gwaine sighed, "Aye."

"And magic."

"Obviously." Nodded the Knight.

"And a future king." Merlin spread his hands,

"Uhuh."

"And you lot, with pointy swords."

The knight shrugged, "Yeah."

"And Freya."

Gwaine cringed as he recalled the reactions of others to that veiled threat. "Yes."

Merlin looked put out, as though trying to understand nonsense; "I really don't think that me being able to wave them around properly is ever going to be my best asset in battle, do you?"

"Not even a little bit." Stated Gwaine calmly.

Merlin appeared puzzled, as though examining something new and unusual.

"Then why does it bother you so much that I learn to use it properly?"

Gwaine sighed, lowering his sword, "Instincts aren't always rational Merlin, fuck- _humans_ often aren't rational. I _know_ all of that, and still in the back of my mind there's a base- man screaming 'what if's' at me-at both of us really. What if you're trapped, or unconscious, or your magic is restrained, or no help can reach you? To never risk leaving you defenceless, _just in case_. Don't look to humans for reason and sanity Merlin, 'cause you'll find none, we're a mess of emotion, sensation, instinct, all _fighting against_ the rational mind meant to take charge. Even the Princess. He cares, at least as much as I do, in his own way."

Merlin looked between his knives and to Gwaine's grim expression and something like comfort and a determination settled in his chest, he swallowed hard as he assumed the position, quirking an eyebrow in mimicry of Gaius. "Well then, what are you waiting for? You think you're all that, show me what you've got, _my Lord."_ The title Gwaine so hated added with mild scorn just to rile him.

Gwaine growled but he moved more gracefully and said nothing more about any of Merlin's scars or possible vulnerability, treating him throughout their session as he would any new knight, without cushioning or misplaced gentleness. Not even where his ribs had healed. Merlin appreciated it more than he could say, but he tried to show it instead in his actions and the effort he put into the movements and by paying close attention to Gwaine's frequent corrections of stances or balance. Despite having little or no intention of using them in any but the most desperate circumstances.

If Merlin was fighting he fully intended to have his feet resting where the magic felt strongest. That felt _right._ He meant to _learn_ other techniques _. Proper_ forms. No one said he had to use it by choice. The wider his range to draw on though the better he could anticipate them in others though. His chances of surprising an enemy who had seen Morgana in action and might not be sacred enough of fire balls to intimidate into showing sense or retreating were improved too. They continued until every muscle ached and Merlin was quite certain only magic was keeping him standing.

"Thank you. I know you only really wanted to do this to make a point. You're doing a good job of learning it anyway."

Merlin groaned, "For the pain I'm in I'd better be. Learning new magic never hurt this much-well almost never." he grimaced as he moved his arms rather tenderly.

"At least this time you've got someone to help with the aftermath and aches." Gwaine raised an eyebrow suggestively, and Merlin grinned, "What terrible hardship for a poor mistreated warlock to endure… actually, going by the last time, that may even make up for your cruelty and abuse of me on the command of the Prince of Camelot."

"If it truly bothered you, and was too much, would you tell us. I know that if you outright refused there's nothing anyone could actually force you to; but would you tell us or continue for the wrong reasons?"

Merlin winced at the pointed question, "We disagree on the definition of 'right reasons' Gwaine. I already appreciate the reactions of green knights after training better. If Arthur wants to put me on any council, learning a skill that's actually respected is just sensible. Everyone _need_ s physicians, but they never think of us until they _get sick,_ or someone they love does. Warlocks, well, let's go with 'it's an unpopular craft'. Servants should be respected but aren't. And the spymaster may listen to me on occasion, but since they don't officially exist it would be irrational for them to acknowledge my existence. Sword craft is respected and considered valid. Gwen used to unofficially train with Morgana. Even procured her a high quality sword made by her father."

Gwaine listened, nodding, relieved that the spymaster existed, certain that they were corrupt or carefully and heavily editing information if they ever left Camelot, he scuffed the ground with his sturdy boot.

"I've done more for less valid reasons mate, but if it ever _does_ get to be too much… "

"I'd tell you." Merlin interrupted, warmed by his friend's concern. "It's actually nice the way it forces you not to think outside of your immediate circumstances. Not many things do that."

"I always thought so." Gwaine sheathed his sword and took a long swig of water, and threw it to Merlin, who caught it with magic, having not had warning to put his own weapons down, glaring at Gwaine's "Think fast."

"Oh sure, because anyone is ever going to throw me bladders of water in the middle of a fight." The warlock replied sarcastically.

" _You_ throw plates, food, whatever is to hand. What makes you think _the opposition_ won't." answered Gwaine.

" _They_ always come prepared to fight, I'm working on the fly with what I've got in the room, they never fucking have to." Merlin heard frustration bleeding into his voice.

"Well you've got a helluva lot more to use now… would you rather have a quiver of plates, or a satchel of stale rolls."

"Turnips. Turnips are hard. You can knock someone out with a well aimed turnip you know." He rubbed the side of his head, recalling his least favourite visits to the stocks.

"Really Merlin?" Gwaine's lips twitched as he tried not to laugh at a friend's misfortune.

"Yep; and Arthur threatened me once with a spoon. I'm not sure how or what he expected to accomplish with a spoon. They're not even sharp."

"Some things don't need to be. Sharp is not a prerequisite to painful."

Merlin shuddered in vivid memory, "No it is not."

Gwaine didn't push but cast an eye to the sky, "We'd best be getting back. No dithering at the river this time sadly, just enough of a wash to go and play the game, or you won't have time to change into the new stuff from Lady Gwen, and I'm rather looking forward to seeing you all polished. Or man of the forest-y. It sounds very _you._ You could grow a beard. Have some tame animal friends, a wolf, or owls or something. Just find a better name than Beatrix."

"Says the man who was half- given away by his own, and argues with noble steeds about their identities."

"Shut up."

"I could grow a beard without going all forest man and leaving Camelot you know."

"Aye, but it would suit you I think. Maybe a shorter one than down to your waist, and matching your natural hair colour. If that _is_ your natural or real hair colour, but you've dropped the screens I think, yeah? Not 'til we're gone mind with the woods and beasts and crazy wildman, Arthur and I will always want you close by with all the trouble you get into."

Merlin tilted his head at the tacit acknowledgement of his immortality and grinning stroked his chin. As he did so a quite convincing beard emerged, far less wild than his old man Emrys version.

"As I said, it suits you. Not for wearing back having left earlier clean-shaven, but I may have personal requests later." Gwaine winked and was warmed to hear Merlin's answering chuckle. He doubted the man had had much chance to actually _play_ with his magic since Will died, and it was a far better way of developing precision with almost any skill than most others.

"What would _you_ call animals you tamed or trained then." Asked Merlin as they left the clearing.

The knight grimaced. "Depends on the animal. How much do I like the beast, and how tasty is it?"

"Cold, Gwaine. That was cold… Tasty but not very practical? Maybe an owl, or falcon, to easily escape you, or something bulky and awkward, like a cow. Cows are rubbish pets though. Too dribbley. Plus Kilgarrah would eat them. Don't get a cow."

"Merlin?"

"Oooh, a wildcat, although they're a bit territorial and might try to fight 'Garrah, every time he sees deer he thinks venison, so they're out."

"I agree with him, deer are mobile venison." Asserted Gwaine.

The warlock glared at him, "Just for that I'm never helping you beat the Prat hunting, what did the poor deer ever do to _you?_ "

"Aw, now come on, that's a total overreaction mate." the knight moaned.

"Nope. No winnings for you." He stuck out his tongue.

Gwaine rolled his eyes at the sort-of-manservant, "Fine. I'd have a dog, and call it after one of the knights… or maybe 'Roastie'. I haven't the patience for taming something that argues with me."

"I argue with you." The young man that others called Emrys sounded rather aggrieved and his friend snorted.

"You're Merlin. Merlin the untameable, not some mangy animal I can't get rid of, and I couldn't take proper care of something really needy. What would it do on quests? If _you_ were an animal you'd be a cat. Impossible to get rid of, not entirely solid in state, cocky, and always suspicious, split second mood changes and stalking everything cunningly. Good-needy and independent, except for your coin dependency issues."

Merlin frowned, "I resent that… cats are bitchy… and possessive."

"Aye, and they rule over the hunting dogs that _think_ they outrank the mousers, without the dogs ever noticing. Bitchy and cunning. They're basically you on a bad day. Just hairier; and you could fix that." Merlin scowled, muttering something under his breath.

"What was that mate?"

"I said; Spiders are unpleasant, and taste bad."

Gwaine searched his friend's face for a minute and burst out laughing, "Oh goddess, one day I need to hear the story behind that, but I can wait, save it for when there is mead. Speaking of, where should I leave yours?"

Merlin shrugged and glanced at him with poorly attempted nonchalance, "Not much point in leaving it somewhere I won't find it, so I suppose my chambers'll just have to suffice. I need to add an exception to the door and wards to let you in and across without the key- sorry, no, I am _not_ giving you the key or copying it, I have too many valuables that are dangerous in there to risk. A special mark only magic sees will have to do."

Gwaine smiled slowly, nodding, "I can live with that. Is this going to be something only you can see or visible to every fucking magical creature around?"

Merlin hummed, "Mm, depends on what you want really, either would work."

Gwaine didn't have to think about it, "Only you. Maybe you and the Princess. You're Emrys, your enemies will find out soon enough, no need to give them directions to a vulnerable spot. Where's the challenge in that? If your enemies or his are going to come after your friends again they can fucking earn it. I don't think the rest of the knights- or the castle really- are going to need the magical glowing indicator to figure things out. Especially if you keep sleeping over, or Percy starts laughing without explanation."

Merlin grimaced at the reminder of their unsubtle friends. "Gwen might have guessed. She's guessed you're not a girl anyway… but she mentioned honour, so it's possible she's just confused."

Gwaine cocked his head, "Smart girl. She'd make a good queen. If they didn't try and force her to be someone different or change her values."

"To Someone raised with privilege?"

"Aye."

"You understand it better than he does then." Merlin ran long fingers through messy hair, "I feel guilty, like I'm stealing him from her, even though I'm not. Or playing 'the other woman', which I am definitely not - stop smirking - and Gwen hasn't been told about any of this. We're not close like we used to be but I really don't want her to hate me for something I can't avoid."

"She won't, if you are honest with her. Whether that means she can share or not is another thing. Our Lady Gwen is big on fairness, and I rather suspect she'd acquiesce to _that_ only if the same rule applied to _her,_ and that would leave you with quite the troubled court." Gwaine raised a brow; his friend needed honestly, not sugar coated half truths.

Merlin frowned, "It would. She's the only sane one though, and the only one to care about Arthur as a person, so it's…"

"Not your problem to solve." Gwaine cut him off, no trace of flexibility in his voice.

"It's an Arthur problem and a Camelot problem, those ARE my problems."

"Nooo, this is a thing in your emotionally stunted friend's love life, and courtship rituals. You stick broken pieces back together if needed, let him decide on his own, and answer the questions honestly. Then provide a lot of mead if something goes wrong, and almost as much mead if it goes right and they decide to tie the knot. This is Arthur's problem, and one of the few you can't help with. If you effectively shunted or manipulated him into a marriage with someone he would consider you accountable for its success or failure, having been shown no example of a marriage by Uther. No one can do that for another person. Stay well clear of that Merlin and have him make his own mistakes when it's safe. He won't like it, and will probably push, but it's safer for all of us, and more rewarding for them. I'm not saying to stop helping him set up dates with her, just ."

"Is that what you did with me?"

"I got you mead, didn't I? You were never really in pieces though. Fractured maybe, but all you really needed was light support, and maybe to elevate the leg a bit."

Merlin snorted and shook his head. "Perhaps. I wondered sometimes how no one noticed, worried because I had been so obvious or made some mistake. It makes more sense now but you still saw me. Saw us both really. That's a gift I don't know how to repay. Really." He looked distressed by that.

"Already Done mate. Long ago."

Reaching the river quickly they dismounted and tied up the horses. "Where do you think they'll start with the ink then?" Asked Gwaine as Merlin stripped off his shirt. The warlock shrugged easily, "At a guess, my chest. It's covered but has connotations of being at my core or close to my heart than hidden and being ashamed. Around my arm maybe? Not my neck or face, though that does mean the ugly scar will be visible a bit longer. Do _you_ know what my house symbol was?"

"Me? No Merlin, but that only matters now I know who your father's family are. I've never knowingly seen anything linked to the Dragonlords in all the five kingdoms before this week."

Merlin grimaced, it was true, Gwaine had had no reason to share information that to his knowledge belonged firmly to his old life. Now that the illusion was broken he had really been very forthcoming."The Catha do."

Gwaine shrugged, "Of course they do, they are trained as bards, record keepers. Not everyone has a dragon to ask. That's actually very rare." Gwaine grinned.

"I suppose it depends on what fin designs. He did say the choice is mine, but then Isildir and Druids do not give directions like 'try talking to the goddess' idly, so I seriously doubt that 'choice' means what you'd think it does. I don't know. I'm a lot less attached to my appearance than you ego maniacs are- most of the time. Secure. That's me. No complexes about my weight or hair." Merlin sounded sincere enough to almost convince Gwaine. Almost.

"Mate you're more nervous than you were about trying to retake Camelot. You're secure alright, so why?"

Merlin sighed, "I am going to be wearing these for a long, _long_ time Gwaine. More than anything else it feels like a final declaration. It's not just me anymore, a confession in front of one or two people. Calm confirmation is fine… _Now._ It feels like attention seeking, or challenging behaviour."

Gwaine nodded, "It is. That's OK though. I like seeing _you._ The whole you. Letting me others see that changes nothing about _you,_ only _them._ Or circumstance. You protected yourself, and your friends by staying silent. Now you will do the same by speaking out. You are losing your old life to gain a new one. Several layers have already been shed, your living situation, your _necessary_ secrecy, hel the pretence of Kilgarrah's demise. They called Arthur 'courage'. He is with you. So what can't Courage, Magic, and Strength do together?"

Gwaine smiled and nudged him brightly.

"Shut up Gwaine, you are making too much sense. LET ME HAVE MY DRAMA!"

The knight smirked, "Damn, you missed your calling as a Queen."

Merlin scowled. "Fine. So we're doing a fucking show and tell tonight, without the easy options. I don't know how much he plans to share, and he doesn't know some of what I do. Incomplete things won't help him. Ideas for hiding if it goes to hell?"

"Wasn't it your MO to try living in the belly of the beast?"

He ran a hand through wet hair, "Been done. They'd see it coming."

"Fine. The great dragon's eerie, or the home of the Catha, not the Druids. Even if they guess they'll not dare attack. Guaranteed to be Safe for you and no other."

"Huh. I didn't think of any permanence. OK. If I run, you have to stay. The others are honourable. You'll notice more of the sly bastards who find the loopholes."

"Not that you'll have to, so it's fine. Otherwise I might have to put up a fight. Seriously, even before you were the foretold Emrys to him he'd have chosen you over any Knight. Not from misguided romance. You matter to him. You're his family. More than we are, more even than Uther, despite despising each other for real in the beginning. That was not a pretence. I've seen you fawn and fake, good _and_ bad since we've known each other. What's whispered was not faked. To go from that to friendship? That's rare, and really rather beautiful, and platonic or not you two are more. So much more. No need to fear love. Anyone demanding your exile may well face it themselves. God's help anyone demanding your execution. Besides which, in the room you will have me, Arthur, Lancelot, Percival the not-an-idiot, and Leon, who despite wrestling with his conscience is more in favour of you than you know. He really is. Think about it, this is not a den of snakes. You were the one who told me to trust just the one noble, and you were right, so what's stopping you from having the same faith in him now?"

Merlin sighed and looked away, "He knows who I am. Before he knew it was easy… he could only condemn the part he knew, not _me_ … I think that they need to meet some of my friends Gwaine. Not you lot, my _other friends."_

"I agree. They need to see a different perspective. What are you going to do about it? Can't take them all to Avalon."

Merlin rolled his eyes and shrugged, "Then I suppose uncloaked Catha warriors will have to do, and if all else fails Kilgarrah can make a very convincing argument."

"Fair point. Maybe don't take Leon on _that_ trip. He's got enough to deal with. Apparently he dealt with Arthur in his petulant youth and lived. I think he _might_ be extra resilient." Gwaine winked, drawing a laugh from Merlin. He couldn't imagine anyone else making _jokes_ about his immortality, and he really hoped Gwaine wasn't the last to dare. "Focus! Gods, your concentration is as bad as mine."

"Yes. You are like a rare disease and have affected my mind."

Gwaine shoved him, as though he wasn't covered in currently perfectly visible imperfections and scars. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Really. Don't. I have a very useful reputation to maintain and can't have some unwashed servant ruining it now, can I."

"What about a clean one?" Merlin flashed him a cheeky smile. "Hmm. No."

"What about a clean one?" Merlin flashed him a cheeky smile. "Hmm. No."

"Fine. Will an unwashed _warlock_ get special treatment then _your highness?"_

"Hmm, I suppose he'll just have to, won't he. If he earns it."

"But Gwaine? Other than the Prat, I don't share. It's a Rule. Too much of a risk, people could die, or enemies get information or access they need to not have. Protect innocents by hurting their feelings. If you can't stick to the rule I get it, but be honest with me _before_ making the choice."

Gwaine rolled his eyes, "Oh gods, don't be _such a girl_ , I'm here amn't I, not fleeing or with someone else, stop being so fucking paranoid."

Merlin frowned, "It's only paranoia if it's without cause."

"Fine. Claim me then. You know me. No half measures or safe splitting my chips. If I'm in I'm _all in."_ The warlock felt his throat go dry at the simple and immense demand.

"No. You told me no marks or ownership. No."

Gwaine rolled his eyes, "Merlin. You aren't taking ownership. I have _given_ my oath and allegiance to Arthur, and to you, I sure as hel will never be joining the Witch. You aren't _taking_ anything from me you bloody idiot. _Tell me_ you know the difference!"

Merlin hated that he blushed, pale skin really was a curse at times like that. "Fine. I'm not going to fucking _own_ you, but I'll bind you lightly so that I can find you, feel you, give me a strand of your hair and then shut up so that I can concentrate on the words." He plucked one of his own and held out a hand expectantly, palm up, expecting some kind of argument from the smirking ass and only getting what he'd demanded. "If you wanted a lock of my hair you only had to ask."

In warlock mode Merlin turned a hand towards Gwaine and muttered as his eyes flashed gold and the heckling ceased. Silence made it much easier to twine them together properly and get the spell right. It wasn't one he'd had reason and opportunity to use before. Charm finished he lifted the noise restrictions on his glaring lover.

"We need to work on your relationship skills mate, it's not ok to just gag men when they don't obey you unless that's discussed beforehand."

"Not skills I've had much use for until now, are they. Funnily enough the shortfall never seemed to bother Freya."

"I doubt even you could silence The Lady, Merlin."

The warlock shifted, he wasn't sure. It wasn't a battle he ever wanted to fight. "Probably not. Let's not find out." To distract the man he brought an unnatural wave up and over to soak his lover.

As soon as they were clean enough to pass for members of a council both dried off swiftly, all light conversation dying.

This evening Destiny went before them and the air itself seemed to feel heavier as they approached the city, almost overwhelming to Merlin in its intensity, he could have sworn he felt the city tremble when they finally passed through the gates and told himself it was in his mind. Somewhere on the way back to the stables they had slipped out of 'normal' formation and Merlin and Beatrix led the way with Gwaine following patiently behind. One way or another, history would be made this night.


	52. Chapter 52

-52-

His instinct was to seek out Arthur as soon as he returned, but Gwaine's advice about trusting his King stopped him. Ignoring the low key need to check on his charge, Merlin headed to his chambers, not really noticing that people moved out of the way.

The door slammed behind him of its own accord, and he finally took the time to examine the new garments. It was definitely Guinivere's personal handiwork, he'd seen it enough times before. Near invisible stitches, perfectly even, flawless seams, and she'd reinforced the fabric where she expected it to get most wear. He almost wanted to thank her. The practical but high quality woollen cloak would make no immediate sense to _her_ but was obvious to him. The three tunics were similar to his usual ones but fit better, and were brightly dyed in red, green, and blue. Either Arthur had been unreasonably specific, or she had been bored and enjoying using her skills again a little too much, as each had embroidery around the edges and neckline. Yelling at her would be unfair today, but it wasn't fair of her to add Camelot's dragon to the red tunic. It made him fearful of what she might do to breeches. Sitting atop the tunics had been a neckerchief finer than any he'd owned before. It was tempting but he growled and flung it to the end of the bed.

"Good choice. The Old Religion will hold a man to his Oaths."

Merlin sighed, "What do you want Eileen? It's really not a good time."

"Yes it is." She disagreed.

"The castle is buzzing, Magic is roaring like the ocean, the time is drawing near, and you are afraid. Why?"

"Because of all of that and more. I'm afraid of failing them all."

She reached out for his hand, "But you're excited too."

"Of course I am, this is _everything."_

She squeezed and stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek, "Then what are you waiting for Emrys? Get dressed. You have a People to save." She grinned and let go, stepping back.

"Turn around. No more pervy ghosts in my room."

Eileen shrugged, "OK, but I've seen much worse. Did you know that Flora likes to be spanked with cook's wooden spoons in the cellar? She always looks so serene, but that's why she hardly ever sits down-"

"Oh my _gods,_ don't tell me things like that. I need a scrubbing brush for my mind now, and how the fuck am I meant to _ea_ t anything she serves now?"

"It's never bothered you before."

"No but- ugh, never mind. The lot of you are mad anyway."  
He hauled his worn work tunic over his head and put on the top one from Gwen, Camelot red. They had more of that colour than most. Clean breeches, that hadn't collected a full day's grime and dirt followed, and his coat, sliding the long knives into place he turned back to her.

"There. How does it look?"

"Like a king, Lord Emrys."

Merlin dragged hands down his face. "Good, 'cause I feel like a prat."

"Take your staff if you don't have a sword."

She said calmly, but Merlin shook his head. "No. They are my friends, I don't want to scare them."

The ghost smiled. "You're ready to meet with the Once and Future King then… You really have to get new boots Merlin." Her nose wrinkled as he bent to lace them. "So say they all, but no one has got me new ones and these are comfy if shaming my feet is the plan then they can pry them off my cold, dead feet."

"The left one has a hole in."

"I like the hole. It gives them character."

"It means that they need repairing." She looked at him disapprovingly.

"Entire nations go barefoot."

"Yes. Some also practice stealing women for brides. Your point is?" Eileen folded her arms, far more gracefully than Arthur did.

Merlin scowled, "Leave my boots alone."

"Idiot."

"Maybe, but I'm a _comfortable_ idiot."

Merlin sighed as he tidied away the other garments and hung up the cloak.

Looking around the room he smiled and placed one palm flat against the wall and the other against his door. He did love the way that the syllables of the old religion flowed together like music. Perhaps they _coul_ d be made into music but that would require others to know the tongue first.

At least his home would now recognise Gwaine and allow him through the wards, and they shouldn't get any more speculative looks with a basis.

"Well? Anything to say before I face the fire?"

"No. You don't need luck. This is what you were born for and I can feel how your magic is singing in the way the veil hums."

She brushed hair back from her face and looked up at him, "Go My Lord. He is waiting for you."

Taking a deep breath and finding his centre, Merlin nodded, "Thank you Eileen. Providing we all survive I'll tell you how it goes."

Halfway down the corridor he stopped abruptly, changing direction, realising that if he didn't stop by Gaius' quarters now he wouldn't have another chance until the next day.

Knocking first and entering without waiting he looked around and saw his mother at the bench. She was grinding something rhythmically and had comfrey root boiling away next to her. "Mum?" He cleared his throat, not having expected her to be there "Is the girl ok?"

"She's fine love. Just a minor concussion it looks like. You're looking… you look so like your father that way.

I suppose asking if it's for something special would be silly."

Merlin swallowed, Hunith never mentioned his father, "Thanks Mum. Something like that. Don't go out tonight OK. Please. Have you seen either of your guards this evening?"

She smiled. "Observant today, aren't you." She waved towards his room, "Who do you think brought me the boneset? The younger one is in your old room. The elder one said he had to speak to the record keeper. That was about an hour ago."

Merlin groaned, he'd learned that an hour was more than sufficient for Lord Geoffrey to create chaos for a long time.

"He has something to show you though." She smiled. "He said that you'd know what that meant."

His lips pressed into a thin line "I do. Thank him if you see him before I do."

"of course. Is something wrong love? Well, more than us…"

Her voice lost some of the assurance it had had and he sighed.

"Nothing you can help with mum. Just stay in tonight for me, it will be less to worry about… and look after Gaius. He is under too much strain to be healthy for someone his age. Is Oswald available?"

"Sleeping I think. Said something about foreseeing a long night ahead and taking the opportunity to rest when he could."

"He wasn't wrong." Merlin approached the door to his old room, knocked, and entered. Oswald was sprawled on the bed but woke quickly when his own magic sensed Merlin's presence.

"Good." He ignored the sleep dishevelled look and adopted the stance he used with Kilgarrah, "You will be required shortly, there is a meeting of the council- the true council of King Arthur- tonight, please make yourself presentable. Not that you are exactly defenceless, but you have my word you will not be harmed. At least not if you're on time."

He paused, "I want you to come as yourself, not in disguise or illusion, at least once you reach the room. We will meet at the recovered round table."

Leaving the room once he was confident the man understood, Merlin stopped by his mother's side, "I am glad it was you the gods gave me to, mum."

He didn't meet her eyes, leaving quietly, it was not absolution, but it was a beginning, and a truth. The quiet places that Gaius had learned to reclassify as merciful haunted him, because he knew that the practice existed outside of Camelot. There had been a child born in a nearby village several years before he came to the city. A woman had been burned for the obvious deformity, but it had not saved the life of the baby. They called it mercy then too, though if what was whispered was true he might agree as a physician. Some things medicine could never cure. When food was already insecure and there was a large family to consider, there was not the luxury afforded nobles in such cases. They were rarely seen, but more often supported in some way. Not that _Uther_ would have tolerated a child of his own that was less than perfect. Nor a woman who produced one. Such people served a purpose at court only in making him feel superior.

He left without meeting her eyes, feeling like each step took him closer to his doom. It didn't - at least not the way he'd once feared, but if Camelot was capable of providing just trials then that certainly would fit his evening plans.

He walked now with purpose towards the place he could feel Arthur's presence, pausing at the door to knock, unusual for either of them but the closest he offer Arthur to a chance to prepare himself today.

"Arthur?" there was no response, but The Prince Regent was hardly going to answer his own door so after waiting a minute, Merlin invited himself in anyway.

Arthur was standing by the window, as Merlin had often seen him do, hands clasped behind him, "Sire?"

"It's nearly time. Tell me Merlin, what would you have done if you hadn't come here."

"Here, Arthur? The vaults probably, there's something that I need to study-"

Arthur turned to him, rolling his eyes,

"No, you _utter Idiot._ Here. Camelot. My home."

"Oh. Oh! At all? Well I guess farming in Ealdor, for a bit anyway. At least until Cenred started rounding up men. He'd have found a way to abuse my talents. I'd probably have been manipulated into doing something similar. Maybe travelled a bit if I didn't. Harder to do if I hadn't met Kilgarrah or learned to ride, but I'd not be short of time for it. Probably had a wife or special _friend,_ maybe a couple of kids before knowing they'd automatically be on the death list. Mum wouldn't have told me. Cenred might have known Dad though, I don't know. Perhaps he could have recognised me if I wasn't a mere servant in Camelot. If Morgause was part of rounding up men and actively looking for weapons and magic there's a good chance I'd have been found… If I hadn't already been forced to leave the village. If they'd hurt Mum I'd have screwed up killing a king instead of a high priestess."

Arthur was quiet, "And what would have happened to me Merlin?" He asked softly. Merlin bit his lip, "Destiny likes you. I don't know. If you survived the night I arrived maybe it would have found some other way to keep you ok. Maybe not. You'd probably have married one of the many ladies or princesses who tried to love spell you or charmed your father. Had an heir. Kept going as you were. Morgana would still have been a witch and Seer. We might have ended up working together. You'd be king by now- long since. I saved Uther too many times because he is your father. Mine might still be alive, but Kilgarrah would not be free. Or I might have been burned by my village for dealing with the raiders before a year had passed, or sold to Cenred. Hard to know; I am not the seer. Camelot needed me, so I am here, with you, where I'm meant to be."

Arthur sighed, "Thank you for this. For staying. For serving. Most men, even brave ones, would have run from such a thing being thrust on them. Most witches or warlocks would have avoided or fled Camelot without ever seeing me. Let alone taking a swing - you had to have known you would lose without magic."

"I would have, yeah."

Arthur cocked an eyebrow at the confirmation,"I'm glad that you stayed Merlin. Don't expect me to ever tell you again, but I'd be a different person if you hadn't become a part of my life. Not one I would want to be either."

His servant shrugged, his tone gaining a cocky edge, "Well you'd be a dead man now if Morgana had unleashed the immortal armies, but thanks. I would be a different man without it too. Perhaps a happier man, but I think my magic needed a direction; any magic as powerful does. Maybe the automatic acceptance as an acolyte for witches and Seers was for more than simply helping them with personal safety. I don't know. Mum didn't know where Balinor was for years, despite Gaius knowing, but she did know where 'Garrah was before she sent me here. The ones to teach _me_ were dead or underground, I wonder if she wanted me to learn more than Gaius could teach, or anyone else after the slaughter. Ugh," He ran hands through hair that looked permanently chaotic now, "Not the time. Delaying things. I serve _you_ Arthur, my Prince, my King, my Friend. No one else. What do you expect to happen in there?" He nodded in the direction of the round table's hall.

Arthur closed his eyes and turned away, "I _expect_ to shock a few men, answer questions they think they shouldn't ask, and find out who they are under the secrets kept; I expect to lose Guinivere."

Merlin nodded, shifting against the table he was leaning against, "I'm sorry." He said quietly. He had more faith in Gwen than the prince did, but even he could see how unfair the demands would be on any queen, even one whose marriage was a contract.

"You had about as much choice as _I did_ in the matter, no point in apologies. It's hard enough to get the born nobles to show respect to the common born, let alone without her being granted the expected level of authority. I won't trap her into an arrangement as father tried to do with Morgana and I."

Merlin looked at Arthur puzzled, "He tried with Morgana?"

"She wasn't just for decoration Merlin." Arthur rolled his eyes, " _Of course he did._ She didn't take it well, and I ended up hurting more men over the years for not listening to a 'mere girl' than I'd like. No one deserves that fate. Not even a Pendragon."

Merlin smiled, hands fidgeting again, "No. They don't. See, you might have turned out alright without me. Did she ever have an actual _interest_ in a man?" He asked lightly, trying not to press him.

"Two that I noticed, but not ones he'd have allowed her to entertain or court, it would have been a shortcut to execution for them and she knew it. Her main interest always did lie elsewhere, but you knew that."

Merlin's lips twitched, "I did, but wasn't certain that you knew."

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Please, other than those two it wasn't the knights or serving _boys_ her eyes followed when she thought no one was looking. _That_ was only when she was sure they _were_ looking. Like most of her life it was a performance for father. I escorted her enough, and when I won she didn't have to spend the evening subject to lewd suggestions from arrogant arses she didn't know, I got a companion with a personality. If women felt as entitled to grope _me_ or use force and coercion as men did her it wouldn't exactly endear them to me either."

"Wow, I would have expected Uther to kill anyone who touched her then."

Arthur shrugged, "Public execution of a noble requires a valid given reason, it would mean admitting what happened, and possibly compromising her marriage 'value'," Arthur threw something hard at the wall, narrowing his eyes as he looking meaningfully at Merlin. "It's tragic when a knight is lost in training accidents or unexpected attacks on a patrol. She knew what I did, though it was never said. My sister suffered much before she finally broke, but the Pendragons have always sought vengeance for wrongs, and back then we worked together. If she had desired to live independently for the rest of her life I would have supported that choice as king. I don't think I ever thought to tell her, it seemed so obvious to me. If she'd wanted to keep a _close_ Lady in waiting I'd have overlooked it. Lifted _that_ ban before any injurious comment was made. I figured she knew. It's too late now of course, far too late. She's killed innocents as Uther did, with as little remorse evidenced, treason aside; the people would not forgive her the deaths of their kin." Arthur's eyes were dark as he said it and Merlin laid a hand on his shoulder carefully. "If that was true then you could expect no forgiveness for your own actions, yet you have it. Not from all, but some, and more will forgive you and your knights as they see words become actions; do not underestimate your people Arthur. If you can be given a chance to fully redeem yourself then I respectfully ask you not to refuse to at least consider the possibility for Morgana. She is ultimately my responsibility, but I follow your commands. The witch has done great harm, inflicted pain, she is as things stand my mortal enemy, a dangerous nemesis, yet I pity her. Nothing needs to be decided tonight about her, just think about it sire. Tonight there are a bunch of crazy bastards waiting for us, several of whom plan to get very drunk on leaving."

"One of them _Your_ knight?" Arthur smiled as he checked that Merlin and Gwaine were ok and Merlin chuckled, "Gwaine is going to Percival for that part. There's someone I need to introduce you to tonight, and turning up wasted would be unwise, even if I wanted to and it didn't risk me bringing down the castle or turning the horses green."

The prince looked strangely at his odd manservant, "Green? No, wait, who do you want me to meet alone? It seems like a stupid time for us to go off alone in the dark."

Biting his lip Merlin gulped, "Probably, but you should meet all of our allies, you were pissed at not knowing mine-which is actually fair now you know about my magic. He is that, despite making a terrible mistake."

"Mer _lin_ , who exactly, do you want me to meet." Growled the prince.

He winced, "Kilgarrah; the great dragon sire. He offers you no threat, and is loyal only to me. Through me also to you. You've met with Cenred, and Mercia when they've done worse to Camelot."

Arthur clenched a fist, "Do you know what you are asking of me Emrys?"

Merlin swallowed hard again and steeled himself, "Yes. I'm asking you to meet and discuss actual policy after I forged a peace treaty you never knew about. Well, commanded him and bound him to an oath. Please Arthur, I have to go out to him anyway about something. I'm asking you to treat him with the same dignity you would show a sentient human who was once an adversary. You know a little of what he suffered at Uther's hands, and unlike him, Kilgarrah regrets his response. As do I. Can you really hate _him_ if you forgive my releasing him?"

"You are _different,_ and were trapped by him. Manipulated."

"Him, and many others, including Gaius and you… but Arthur he was trapped alive for two decades in a crypt of his family. _Our family._ If he was a part of my family who _looked_ like me and still a powerful ally I believe you would take that chance."

Arthur considered it, forced to concede that he had met with worse people and shaken hands with them, no matter how he wanted to stab them in the gut and walk away. "I don't promise to be civil, but I will meet with him."

Merlin nodded, it was something, "Thank you. Gwaine is staying behind this time. Apparently I'll need you after this, and he thinks I'll be useful to you."

Arthur raised an eyebrow, "Did he now?"

Merlin snorted, "Well you know him, Gwaine's an idiot."

Arthur half smiled remembering how willingly he'd bought the rather one dimensional persona, written off their survival in extremely difficult situations as luck.

"You said that with a straight face."

"Yeah?" Merlin responded flatly.

"Well at least the surprisingly elaborate deception and brashness might help at court. He's not getting out of this meeting whatever he does. I can't hide him forever, and I'd rather only do this once."

The warlock shook his head, idly making the flames in the hearth bend into patterns, that was a fools dream, "No. He'll be there, like all of them. If you say it's important, they always will be. Even if they don't understand why."

Arthur frowned, "Let's hope so. I have sent them against an immortal army, and now I'm asking something bigger of them."

"Good thing we've got _them_ then, isn't it and not some assholes with a shiny sword and entitlement issues..." Retorted his not-quite-servant.

"Shut up Merlin." Arthur tightened his sword belt and cursed, "Well, are you ready to stop being an idiot?"  
"Never! I'll always be _your_ idiot though. Come on sire. Let's go fuck up the balance and clean up the mess of rumours, they'll be getting bored at this rate, haven't had any take overs or assasination attempts so far this week-" An odd sound came from Merlin,

"What in Camelot was _that?"_ Arthur looked at him horrified, as the noise was repeated louder. "Not me!"

"It _came_ from you clotpole!"

"I'm not the fucking sea!" Insisted Merlin, and the sound of a wave crashing shook him, "Oh fuck, it _is_ me."

Merlin raked through his pockets; wishing at that moment he hadn't practiced the space folding trick on them- no matter how successful it had been, finding and drawing out the shell he'd been given by a runaway mermaid and staring at it puzzled as he realised where the noise was coming from. "Hello? Who are you?"

The sounds of a storm ceased and he heard what sounded like bickering and a triumphant shout. "Isla. I told you Triton, I told you he's real! Ha! You owe me three pearls." An image shimmered in the shell's iridescent lining, the young woman with purple hair floating around her and a silvery complexion, grinning next to a half-man built like a knight with foam-like white curls, "Ok, uh, well I'm real, Triton and whoever else she's got there, Isla met me near the borders of Albion, you know me by the name of Emrys, or maybe son of the land, sea and sky. Now is actually a really bad time to speak though-" Merlin stopped, and looked at the image, if he could see them then he must be able to send the image of themselves back, concentrating on the people using special shells like crystals and still water on land, showing them himself next to Arthur, whose patience was clearly somewhat stretched, he sighed. "Lady Isla was given a task and a message by myself, and wished to prove it to you since you missed our physical meeting. There is one I have to be at now which sadly has no Ladies as lovely as her, but the Once and Future King requires me. You will have to excuse me. Nice to uhm meet you? See you? Whatever. No-one imaginary here." He grinned maniacally, "Bye then." Sliding it back into his coat pocket he blushed at the look Arthur threw him, "Is your life always like this?"

Merlin shrugged, "Pretty much, yeah. I'm just glad when they aren't trying to kill you."

The Prince hummed, "Don't do anything stupid. I want you at my right hand when we are seated, you may choose who is at your own."

Merlin raised an eyebrow, "Nope. Can't do it."  
Arthur stared at his refusal, "Why on earth not you clotpole?"

His servant rolled his eyes, mumbling something about entitled prats, "Well now, if I'm supposed to be sitting on my ass all evening, who is going to be serving you all?"

Arthur glanced back to him to ask honestly, "Who would you recommend."

Merlin paused, seeing that Arthur was serious. "Well, you could ask George I suppose, but he doesn't like scheming and I think has decided it's dangerous, Gwen is a Lady obviously, there aren't really any options I'd feel comfortable including tonight."

Arthur pursed his lips… "Would your mother do it?"

Merlin folded his arms, "She might, but there are things I'd rather not tell her, and I don't want to have her witness any of the _bad_ reactions. Oh and Arthur? Don't ever think to make my Mother a servant in this castle again. I serve willingly because I have a choice and choose you. I am a serf by birth and upbringing. She left here a free woman of Camelot. She is _still_ rightfullya free woman of Camelot. More than Gwen in some ways."

Arthur nodded tightly, hearing the undercurrent of danger in his friend's tone, "Understood Merlin. Gwen will be joining us later. You got the first of the clothes I see. Much better, the gossip mongers may even stop trying to work out why you are not provided for or paid now. Gwaine isn't picky but I think he'll agree this is a great improvement on the rags you _have_ been wearing."

Merlin's nose wrinkled, "Did she _have_ to add embroidery? Really? It's just… _girly_. I mean the first injury I get it'll bleed all over the decorations and show, or mud and gathering medicinal plants stained, it'll be ruined and I'll feel horribly guilty. Totally impractical. What did she think I could possibly need this for?"

Arthur snorted, "Ahahah, No. Completely practical, you were thinking about the wrong purposes. I didn't ask or suggest it- next time I will- but Gwen's whimsy will play well in your favour, and if I know her at all she'll have made them a part of a set, not to completely clash with all your other things. She always did for- before. I like the Camelot red choice tonight by the way, very unsubtle, but fits well with the cloak shade of the other knights, since you have your own uniform that way. Your breeches still don't fit properly."

He huffed, "Well that's just rude. I didn't have you down as the sort to be looking so closely at them without an invitation." The open recognition of Merlin's leanings, and the more honest words addressing things that had gone silently avoided for so long seemed to have made it possible for a less loaded teasing between them. The knights teased each other often about women, but it didn't include Merlin after he had reacted _badly_ on one occasion too close to the anniversary of Freya's loss. The freedom to tease lightly with people who would try to avoid painful triggers but include him was an unforeseen benefit, and he had to turn a giggle into something manlier for the sake of dignity.  
" _Merlin!"_ Arthur hissed in mock- outrage, _  
_"Shut up?" Smiled Merlin, refusing to relinquish the last moments of freedom before he became Emrys before a council forever.  
"Right first time, you _can_ learn."  
"Am I to go in there completely open like this, without anything hidden, or do you want me disarmed first?"  
"We can't disarm you- and yes, just be you. Only be _all_ of you this time."  
Merlin grimaced, "You could, if you asked."  
"No Merlin, I really couldn't. I'd be stupid to think you weren't capable of killing with your magic, you already have, but it can't be removed by us, and inhibiting would be to torture you; I spoke with Lord Geoffrey about the past. I can see you are moving more naturally already, ignoring the knives there that you were hyper-conscious of days ago. Not walking _around_ them. You look almost- not _respectable-_ acceptable? Suitable? Something. Gwen did a good job of upgrading you aesthetically but I'm still not pouring my own drinks." Arthur pouted.

"And Lord Geoffrey can't, he's going to be at the table."

Merlin's palm went to his forehead, "And is about a thousand." Added the servant,

"Oh for the goddess' sake, right; have you ever seen warriors serve ale? No? Of course not, I'm always there to order about instead. Well it's hilarious. It'll have to be Fin and Ozzy, I wanted them there at some point anyway for other reasons. May as well make full use of them, and they're not going to argue the point, especially today."

"Ah. Alright then. They won't poison us or anything for that?"

Merlin shrugged, "No. They know what I'd do in retaliation. Plus they can hardly argue that it's beneath their dignity and status when they bow to _me._ Be easy sire."

The Prince regent waved a hand, "Well then by all means, call them and have them meet us there with the jugs, let's see if they really can follow orders better than you do."

Merlin did, reaching out to them, relieved that they were so easy with the training they'd received, he had enough on his mind,"They're on their way. One's already with Lord Geoffrey anyway."

Arthur saw his friend's exasperation. "What have they done now?"

"I don't know. That's what's bothering me, it doesn't seem to take long and old men are _the worst_. Shall we be the first there, or do you want to make them 'all rise' today with a dramatic entrance?"

"Ugh, first, and have them sit awkwardly without answers until we're ready."

Merlin's lips twitched, "Let's do it then, you Prat." Merlin turned around slowly to examine every inch of the room before he left. The next time he was here his world would have changed irrevocably.

A lot of the non-esoteric symbolism in the castle and court was lost on Merlin, but the round table was obvious, and he loved it, from the first time he saw his friends standing around the table there had been a sense of soul deep _rightness_. Not that the others missed it, but the full meaning was beyond their grasp then.

He closed the doors behind them carefully, and followed his King, for once keeping a step behind the man who held his people's fate in his hands tonight. Merlin couldn't think of a single moment where things between them had changed and he had begun to protect Arthur because he _wanted_ to, but he remembered when he knew Arthur cared about _his_ safety. When they followed him to Ealdor he'd wished they had not, and he tried not to remember that time, but it was the first time Arthur had openly gone against his father.

Despite still relying on Morgana for support at the time, it was an action that could not be explained away and Hunith had made her request in open court, not some private audience. There had been enough gossip after their return, and it had been a bizarre trip, but stranger on their return. Now he'd suspect magical interference, but back then he was naive and trusting. Something he missed, but a luxury which endangered others if indulged.

The man he followed now was not that boy, but truly _worthy_ of Merlin's loyalty and the kingship. He'd no illusions, they would have little peace while Others coveted the throne of Camelot, but there was no-one he'd rather be fighting alongside. Gwaine was right after all, he wasn't a farmer any more, not exactly, and he couldn't go back to that life from this one. "What are you doing dawdling back there _Merlin_ , I know you're slow but seriously, this is ridiculous."

His servant rolled his eyes, "Gods, I can't win with you, walk next to you and I've no manners, walk behind and I'm lazy, has anyone ever told you that you are a prat _sire?"_

"As it happens someone has. His punishment was rather severe." Smirked Arthur.

Merlin snorted, "Cruel and unusual I heard, however did he escape?"

"Oh he didn't, turns out he was right, I figured he might accidentally tell me what I needed on occasion, and he's fun to torture when I get bored. Very vocal about his displeasure. Does wonders for my reputation without having to _actually_ break anyone's spirit."

Merlin glared at him, "You, sire, are an arse. A cabbage head of legendary status."

Arthur threw him a half smile, "Possibly. Too soon to tell though, isn't it." He let Merlin open the heavy door for him, "See to the security." He spoke lowly despite the empty room, and Merlin nodded, letting the door fall closed and placing his hands against it and the wall, chanting without trying to hide it. The openness set his hand trembling and he furiously tried to control it. Arthur's eyes dropped to his friend's side, "Easy there. My right hand, just like the first time we met around the table, except this time you get a seat. So, who goes next to _you?_ Lancelot? Gwaine?" Merlin saw the slight tightening of the prince's jaw on his first friend's name, subtle enough that another would have missed it but not Merlin.

"Gwaine, Arthur. It's strange, I always thought it would be Gaius."

Arthur looked briefly nauseated, "I rather thought it would be my father, or Morgana. Funny how things turn out, isn't it."

"One way to put it." Merlin stood back and looked around the room and frowned, holding out his palms he spoke in the old tongue, still so unfamiliar to Arthur, and as his eyes turned gold two goblets materialised in his hands and began to fill with wine. "I should take that out of your wages, stealing wine." Arthur's voice was rough but not subdued now, "You don't mean that… I've been stealing cups for years late in the feasts and never lost coin for it before. Penalising the method doesn't make sense."

Arthur grunted, "Here, you need it even more than I do- maybe."

"Do you know when they'll arrive?"  
"Soon, Merlin, soon. Do you believe me now?"  
"Arthur, I will wake after eighty winters and _still_ question it on occasion. Yes, I believe you are sincere, I always believed you were a good man."

"I haven't. _Your_ faith in me helped me become one, and ironically the Witch before she turned. My redemption comes at a high cost; far too high. No more." He raised his glass, "To Albion, my friend." He smiled as he raised his glass, silently adding 'and Emrys', because before him stood no servant, despite his apparent need to serve wine.

Merlin's face reflected his hope, "To Albion, and it's people."

Arthur sighed deeply, calming himself, and took his place, drawing on the years of practice to maintain and air of calm detachment, while Merlin, seating himself as directed, fidgeted and moved constantly, tapping and twitching.

"Oh my _god, Merlin,_ stop, for the love of Camelot stop wriggling and _be still!"_

"Uh, is this bad timing sire?" Asked Leon, and Merlin closed his eyes, _of course_ Sir Leon would be first, he was always prompt to meetings, often early, unless patrol overran.

"No Sir Leon, you're expected."

His gaze settled on Merlin, sitting openly at the table, in the place that some of them had long seen him behind closed doors, but he knew the open acknowledgment would ruffle some feathers.

He tried not to show any of his turmoil, and look welcoming, taking his place.

"I-" He fell silent. He wasn't sure where to begin or which questions he actually wanted to ask." He was saved from himself by the entrance of two men laden with large jugs who definitely should _not_ be in the middle of the castle and his hand went automatically to his sword hilt "No." Came Arthur's voice, stern and calm. "No, they are friends to Camelot. You will understand soon." God Leon hoped so! He'd never had a more confusing week, and Leon had had some very confusing days.

"Yes Sire." He forced his fingers to go slack and moved them.

Merlin was just wondering if any of his back up was coming when Gwaine sauntered into the room, looking unfairly relaxed, simply raising an eyebrow at the seating arrangement. Merlin's 'subtle' gesturing to the seat next to him had Arthur and Leon both rolling their eyes but Gwaine just chuckled and obediently slid into place.

Leon looked between the pair keenly, "You're uncharacteristically early tonight Sir Gwaine." The man shrugged, folding his arms over his chest, "You know me, never could resist a show. Rumour has it tonight is important. I couldn't risk interrupting any critical scene now, could I? Wouldn't have been very honourable of me at all." He winked at his lover. "There are few things in life that I take seriously Sir Leon, but the safety of my friends is one."

"Friends. Right."

"If you've something to say Sir Leon, say it." Interrupted Arthur's sharp voice, cutting through the teasing and irrelevant question.

"No sire. Nothing." Leon knew that the Prince regent viewed many things differently to his father, and that was one of them.

"Good. Well, there is enough mead for everyone, perhaps you could use a little to relax."

Lancelot appeared next, pausing briefly at seeing the usually late ex rogue sober and settled early. The set of his shoulders relaxed though and he smiled through his serious mien. The garb and attitude of his old friend had changed to one that was far more natural on him. The nod he directed at the man only narrowly avoiding being a bow.

Percival traipsed behind him with Elyan. Merlin was sure that the gentle giant had put it off as long as possible, knowing more than enough to anticipate this. Elyan ambled cheerily, not showing any awareness of a difference until Fin offered him a drink. The fact that no one else was reacting did not help, rather that had him shouting they had been bewitched until Arthur intervened. "Oh shut up Elyan, unless _you_ want to spend the night serving in their place. I'm sure neither of our Catha friends would be averse to having your seat."

"You- you're seeing them? And doing nothing? On purpose?"

Arthur sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It is going to be a very long night if you shriek like a girl at the sight of a man holding mead."

A much gruffer voice than Elyan's answered him, "I'll have some mead. These records are heavier than they look. Especially when I'm carrying them concealed. I hope you weren't going to start without this old man, after I've had so much patience as to wait for everyone to grow up." He let the records thud heavily on the table and slid down into the seat closest to him.

"Hello, I didn't expect to see you again, especially serving." He raised the goblet towards Fin and smirked, the way Merlin might have had one of the knights been placed in his usual position. Suddenly the trip to see the archivist made sense.

"Certainly not, Lord Geoffrey, but it appears that we can begin now you have joined us." Arthur looked towards the closed door, "Merlin?" the question in his voice was clear.

"It's safe." He replied quietly. Arthur nodded, clasping his hands on the table and asking in an undertone, "How do you want to do this? One fell stroke for everything or small parts?"

Merlin grimaced, "You're the king sire, I am only taking the lead on a council when I have _no_ other choice. It's power and attention I don't want." He ran a hand through his hair, and Arthur nodded his understanding.


	53. Chapter 53

Arthur looked around the table being careful to directly meet the eyes of each man present, Merlin last of all and began to speak clearly, unable to delay the inevitable any longer. His men were too close to breaking already.

"Let me begin by saying that this is not a position I ever expected to find myself in. I have always been a man of action, more than empty words, eloquent or otherwise. I have not planned what I have to say to you tonight, because I did not know how, there is no easy way and no script to draw from. There is so much, I myself have taken weeks to uncover as much as this, knowing now that there is much yet to find out. There have been several fundamental changes, and many of you have been a part of this journey. Most know parts of what has happened- not the same parts either, but only two know all. These things will come between us all if left any longer and I refuse to allow that to happen without it being a conscious decision.

Our gathering tonight is not only a meeting of friends, and is not the beginning of everything but a recognition of what already _was_ a reality. It is a part of laying down the foundations of a world that must be built by a change in our actions and not merely suggested with empty promises. The tasks you will be expected to take on should you remain part of this council are neither meaningless nor easy. They are things I would only ask of the noblest men. Those whom I know to value justice and truth above self, or even family expectations. Those with true courage, not proudly seeking glory for themselves.

I have gathered you together because _you_ are my closest and most trusted knights and counsellors, and I consider you all to be such men of honour and conviction. Whatever led you here, you each were _meant_ to be a part of this story. Perhaps it is destiny, or maybe something less fixed for some of you. For two of us it most certainly _has_ been Destined, for as long as She has been a force in this world. Many of you have questions and those must at last be addressed. If you are keeping your own secrets, now would be the time to let go of them. Lies, I have learned, have been at the heart of my kingdom for a long time, poisoning it, and I intend to tear them down one by one, building something new. On truth, and justice. I cannot do this alone, and fortunately have not been charged with doing so but with another who stands equal to me. I _hope_ that you will follow me as you did once before, but there is someone who is as tightly bound up in this story as I. One who has been with us from the beginning and should always have been sat at this table- an oversight on my part as more than one man present has pointed out, though not himself. I expect you to be as respectful as if any one of you were speaking. Merlin, the floor is yours."

Arthur turned to his right hand encouragingly, and Merlin sent him a venomous look that cleared when Gwaine pinched his thigh in reminder of their audience.

"Um, yeah, right." He drew in a steadying breath before trying to speak to them, "Unlike Prince Arthur I have had a long, long time to imagine standing before a council or court under scrutiny and judgement. All my life in fact, though rarely such a grand one. Usually if I allowed myself to consider anything, it was whether or not I would be burned alive for my magic, beheaded, hanged, or banished with 'mercy'. Who would die with me. Who might betray me or their motive." He heard the sharp intake of breath as he spoke with cool composure and saw Elyan's horror. Over his confession or the scenario he couldn't tell. Percival sat impassive and calm, observing everything Lancelot failed to hide his sorrow at the pain his friend described so matter of factly. He didn't dare look at Arthur.

"I wondered what would finally give me away. Saving someone, fighting an enemy of Camelot, doing magic in my sleep, Kilgarrah- a truth spell. Never did I dare to think that I might stand openly beside king Arthur and address you all freely, as my whole self. I consider you all friends, but if you can't see _me,_ just Merlin, after today I understand." His eyes dropped to the tabletop, and Gwaine gently squeezed a thigh. He stammered, trying to find the right words, "I-I was born Merlin. Just Merlin, no family name, no one but my mother. I grew up Merlin, raised a bastard in a one roomed home in a tiny border village. Some of you even saw it. We farmed mostly. Until I came to Camelot that was all I knew, and really, it was all the identity I needed. If you ever see my mother understand, I am not ashamed of her, and I never was, she is the bravest and toughest woman you will ever meet." He paused to recollect himself, glancing to his left as he felt Arthur's eyes on him and seeing no doubt; pride in him if anything.

"When I arrived in the city, the first thing I saw was a public execution. For the crime of magic. I still don't know what he did with it, maybe it was murder, maybe it was healing his child, there is no differentiation under Uther's law.

I met Gaius, and challenged someone for being a Prat and cooled off in a cell, and stocks for my cheek." He smiled to his friend, "But unlike Ealdor, there were some here who recognised me, knew more about me than _I did_. Lord Geoffrey for one, and my Guardian, though he is family and chose not to share the information with me. There was one other who recognised me, in a way that I would not understand for a long time. He served my father, was a kind of brother; advisor, it's complicated. It was him who first confirmed, after the Druids I met here and close by, that I have a second name." He took a deep breath and his eyes flicked to Ozzie, who nodded encouragingly, and Percival, whose eyes softened and reflected some mix of sorrow and compassion. "My second name is neither by birth nor family. It is not taken by choice or in ambition, but one I am inescapably born to. They call me Emrys; when I'm unlucky _Lord_ Emrys. Emrys is me. It's what I am. Arthur caught someone doing it. There are a lot of people who recognise that name from legends, and prophecies, or rumour, but do not know _Merlin_. I was born a Warlock, magic from before my birth, and the heir of a Dragonlord. A particularly powerful Warlock, though I've no desire for power over men. I was born to serve the Once and Future King."

Arthur stood then, "For anyone wondering, that would be me. It turns out that Merlin was Destined always, to be my servant, which really does explain a lot as his actual _serving_ skills are appalling and he should have lost the job within a week, _and_ he seems incapable of bootlicking. His skills in other areas however, are astounding. His insight has been invaluable for a long time, much longer than I had any idea he was more than he seemed, and I have learned from a variety of sources that without them Camelot would not be standing. Lord Geoffrey, who remembers the time before the purge, as well as it's beginning and height, has brought records with him, and one set show marriage, deaths and births. Merlin's father was Lord Balinor, who died protecting us, and was my mother's brother. There is no birth registered for Merlin as by then the purge was in full swing and obviously my father would have pursued the last of such a line. The relationship cannot be faked as the ability to command dragons passes on death to the son, and no one else can command or tame a dragon. There is one other point of interest in the birth records as regards a member of the round table."

Arthur looked pointedly at Gwaine and raised an eyebrow, daring him, who glared back, "Fine! Yes, alright, I have lived as a commoner since I was 13, but my blood sire was King Caerleon. Leon, I fought you when you were a smart arsed squire, and I wasn't much better, if slightly better educated… everyone knows that you can only beat magic with magic. You won by the way and I swore you never would beat me again."

"King Caerleon who has no more sons to take the throne?" Leon was usually composed and not at all the type to interrupt or have his voice crack but it was not a typical occasion.

Gwaine leaned back, lowering his brow, "Caerleon who has no _legitimate_ sons, and one eldest illegitimate son who chose exile for very good reasons. I _don't want_ a throne."

"Your dislike of nobles?"

"Not for discussion at this table." Gwaine's face was closed but Leon looked as though he had finally solved a puzzle that bothered him too long.

Leon spoke slowly from where he sat, the usually mellow man jumping every time someone moved. "How long has Merlin been breaking the Law and using magic Sire, and how can you be sure that he is not working with the Witch?"  
Arthur answered calmly, "How many times a day has he had access to my food? Who maintains my chainmail and armour? How _easy_ would it have been to set a trap, or kill me, or simply not _stop_ someone else from it. If he is working with the Witch he is either completely incompetent- which alas he is not- or very forgetful of the fact. No. Actually he is the only one of us here who has truly fought her in any form of duel. As to how long, he used it for years before he came to Camelot, the _law_ only prohibits it on pain of death within our borders. Cenred dealt differently in his realm.  
You seem less surprised than I'd have expected about some of the most significant parts of what you have been told."

Leon blushed, clearing his throat, "Um, well Sire, I figured that if ghosts listen to him about not alarming his friend's, the way the one I saw said, and the dragon obeys him it makes sense there was a reason for him to be here. Seems like he isn't after our destruction. I just wanted to know how _you_ were sure of his loyalty, see that you showed no change in yourself."

Arthur folded his arms speaking sternly, "He has proven it many times Sir Leon."  
"Yes Sire, he has. Growing up here I have not heard of many creatures of magic, at least not harmless ones. What exactly is an Emrys?"

Arthur looked to Merlin, still unsure enough himself to be hesitant about his answer and was stunned to hear Percival's deep tones instead.

"Emrys is the hope of a people, a story told for ages around campfires and in dark times. The Druids see him as a saviour and the priests as a leader. In all of this, though they all _knew_ his coming was a literal foretelling- and that of the Once and Future King- many forgot that a man is a child first. That every man is fallible and deserves true friends, they forgot that no child is immune to what they are taught. Not even Emrys or The Once and Future King. Emrys is a gift, but to bear that title is in its way a trap and a prison. Emrys is the sacrifice of one man's personal freedom for the sake of the freedom of _all_ People. One person for all, or so my wife told me. I miss her wisdom, and imagination. She died because of the law of Uther's hatred, with our child. They were murdered for it. She understood better than the family she left that a chosen one would not arrive fully formed unless he was a god himself. Thought he was not ready yet, not that he did not care. She believed they would come as children like any other men, because how else would they understand? My wife was a druid, one of those who consider themselves his people, but Emrys is the leader of _all_ those with Magic. Magic obeys his wishes gladly… and yet he is chained by destiny. There are others in the story, unsafe to speak of. I don't know enough to do it safely and not change or influence anything. Not all are good, or selfless, but there is one who is his other half, close enough to be mistaken for one whole, and opposite one another. The once and future King. Arthur. Emrys has layers of meaning and interpretation, dissected in song and sacred teachings kept only by the priestesses.

What is Emrys it the wrong question Sir Leon, it ignores his humanity and that there is a real person behind the title. What are you? Just another good knight. ' _Who are you?'_ changes everything. You learned that Merlin has the power to call a creature and rain down fire on a whim, and yet show no fear, not because he is a figure of prophecy, but because you know _the man._ Just as we followed Prince Arthur because he was a good man, not because he was born to privilege.

The others stared at him.

"What?"

Gwaine shook his head in wonder, "No-one's ever heard you say so much at once mate. We're all a bit in shock."

Percival leaned forward looking grim, "It never mattered so much before. Usually others have more learnin' on the subject than I do, but on this one Dana knew more than all of us."

Lancelot shook his head and looked earnestly at the Prince regent, stoic before a visibly disturbed Sir Elyan, unsettled but sincere Sir Leon, and a more vocal Percival than he was comfortable with. When Arthur called for order the obedience was instant, and Sir Lancelot spoke deliberately, Merlin had waited for years to be known, spent nights anguished, tormented, and he knew it better than any of them. "I am most grateful for the overview and insight, but Sire, _why_ are we here. When I swore allegiance to you it was with my all and I did not do so lightly, nor did any of my brother knights, so Sire I ask again, these deeds and actions of which you speak, what is it that you would have your most trusted men do in your service and the service of the good of all. I serve Arthur, the Once and Future King, and his counsellor Merlin Emrys, Last of the dragon lords. _How_ can I serve?"

Merlin grinned as the man became overly respectful, finding it all the more amusing because he knew it _was_ sincere, and wondering how long Lancelot had imagined the two men he cared most for standing together.

It was a moment that Arthur had anticipated, where the balance between them was precarious and in which he knew he must not falter. "We are going to bring peace to our lands. I intend to end this false war, created to assuage my father's own guilt, and bruised egos. Knights of the round table, I have _seen_ what my father did, and what his unconscionable law has wrought. Mere days ago I accompanied Merlin and Sir Gwaine to such a place and helped to lay the bones of many to rest in a place my father had poisoned and made uninhabitable. I have looked for the hidden records and traced the histories, and with the help of those loyal to the people of Camelot found what remains. Our libraries and histories are incomplete. Like my kingdom; like our defenses. I intend to lift the ban on magic, and have Merlin compose sensible laws in consultation with Lord Geoffrey, and his advisors, and strengthen the protections that we once relied on. Thousands of lives, most of them innocent have been sacrificed and every single man here has lost someone they love to it on both sides, many of those losses closer than another knight, and less prepared to defend themselves. Merlin more than any other, but Percival's family, and Elyan's father too, Lord Geoffrey and Leon's friends. Many present have been at least suspected of magic, several have been imprisoned or worse on accusations. Those who have not have family members who have, including the Lady Guinivere, Court physician Gaius, and Merlin.

The process of restoration has already begun, it could not wait. I know that I have personally taken part in atrocities that haunt me, but believed then, had accepted the line that it was a necessary evil. For the greater good." He swallowed hard as a face flashed before his eyes, and felt a phantom familiar hand on his shoulder in support,

"I want to shore up our defences to make sure that when Morgana returns, or launches her next assault, and she will, there is no way for her to simply march through and lay waste to the land. We cannot withstand another incursion or takeover like the last. Too many men were lost to replace quickly, you are all aware of that unspoken fact, our food supplies are diminished, and the people will struggle to tax effectively this year after she burned crops and trade goods. Lot's people are desperate after his failed alliance with the witch Morgause, and Morgana, but she does not give up and Morgana knew that castle as well as I, including it's weaknesses.

Our strategy has to change, especially in light of my father's illness. I know there have been rumours, and much effort has gone into suppressing those, but I am regent for very good reasons. We have been in consultation with the Court Physician, who has _been_ overseeing his treatment for far longer than we were aware. It is clear now that the king- that my father- has no chance of recovery, the only medication to curb his suffering also incapacitates, and his illness appears to be degenerative, a cruel fate for such a proud and dignified man, but not an unjust one. I am left with only one choice in the interests of Camelot's people. To take permanent regency. If there was _any_ chance of my father recovering I would not take this step, but over time he has only deteriorated, and has reached a stage of openly physically attacking people without considering the greater impacts." He tilted his head "Do not make the mistake of thinking this was decided lightly."

There was silence.

Leon looked to Lord Geoffrey, who offered no disagreement, Merlin's pale but outwardly calm countenance, Gwaine and his would-love-a-fight attitude, and Elyan's apparent suppressed rage, Percival patiently waiting.

"Alright. I have reservations about possible methods and courses of actions but I am glad those choices do not rest on my shoulders, I will follow you into the veil itself sire; Merlin. I do not know what your proper address is, I'm going to assume you have one. I saw enough from people separately to believe you are who you claim, without you consulting with each other it seems. I have one urgent question. No one has explained who is serving. They are no servants, and are being trusted to an alarming extent."

Arthur nodded. "They are part of a solution, an answer. The knights of Camelot are warriors who answer to me, and I have their allegiance. These men serving are warriors who give allegiance to Merlin, or Emrys as they know him. Without him asking. They are from an elite and ancient druid sect, who long looked to the chief of the Dragon Lords. Only one outranks that, and since it is Emrys there is no torn allegiance. Merlin, shockingly, has no actual interest in power or war for its own sake. Yet he has stood alone in the breach, and taken many wounds to save others. Nor have any made it particularly clear until recently that he has by rights, command of an army. We lost too many men, and there are others willing to fight for the once and future King and Emrys, but cannot do so while their existence is illegal. Now I could refuse to consider I may be wrong, place my pride over my people, and it is tempting. I have overseen and been responsible for many actions based on the certainty that all magic is evil _and_ all magic is a choice. No one survived here to tell me differently. It is not enough to excuse my ignorance. It would be easier for me to turn away, but that would condemn all Camelot, and without us in the way, there is nothing to halt the Witch if she followed the road of conquest. These men serving you are your equals, at the least. Trained for years in a variety of techniques, magical and otherwise, and healers into the bargain. Since we only have two of those, and one is elderly, and the other usually with me, I was already seeking more when they presented themselves to Merlin."

Merlin smiled, spreading his hands,"Take your hoods down. Everyone, these are Master Finian and Master Oswald, of the Catha. Since arriving they have been doing some of what was my second job, so that I can concentrate on the other jobs, and ensure that there is no gap in availability of the healer. Physician… those. Lord Geoffrey is best placed to explain how this weakness came to be. Gaius did not expect me, and yet when I arrived he had no apprentice or assistant. The last burned. He had no magic."

Elyan brought his hand down hard on the table,"And why isn't _he_ here to explain it? The old man knows more about magic's corruption in Camelot's than anyone!"

Arthur stared him down coolly. "Because I did not invite him. Gaius is a highly skilled physician, and a skilled liar. I do not take being lied to _lightly_ Sir Elyan."

"Then why is this _Emrys_ next to you after all the lies he has fed us, or are you enchanted? Were the rumours spread to embarrass my sister true? Has he been _serving you_ for years to be so favoured?!"

Gwaine winced as Merlin coloured, and Arthur finally lost his temper, "Enough!" The prince's fury was palpable. "Merlin, restrain him."

His warlock servant did so without comment, eyes flashing gold as he did, confident that if Arthur was going to actually _harm_ the man he'd have left him with a sword in his hand.

"You speak foolishness. Do not think I will allow such a challenge to go unanswered again, you have my mercy this time only because things were withheld from you that others became aware of earlier, most through painful experience- though no one knew everything. Do you think me so naive not to have considered enchantment, Elyan? I have been enchanted before, many times, and I never had clarity like this. Merlin as you pointed out, has been here for years, you think he would wait this long to enchant me for his benefit? Tolerate being used by us and others intending to bring down Camelot? Would it not have been simpler to just follow Morgana when she betrayed us all, and if he _was_ going to do something so stupid, why waste time serving me first, or not simply go to the King? Yes. Merlin lied, a lot, but his were of necessity for survival, and to protect others weaker than himself. Nor have they been ignored, but resolved between the men they concerned. Don't pretend that you worry about that for _my_ sake. Now Gaius lies were more fundamental, more damaging, and most were unnecessary for his survival. He broke the healer's oath when he gave another one to Uther. Have you ever doubted Merlin's loyalty?"

"Not until today." The knight ground out,

"Then don't now that you find out that you weren't paying attention the way Sir Lancelot was. Would you also accuse _him_ of dishonour for protecting Merlin when he saw a friend defending us without any acknowledgement?"

Elyan paled, eyes flicking between the men his sister had been torn between. "No Sire."

Arthur pulled back a little, "When I first suspected Merlin I did not go to him. I looked for answers in other places, and before I was troubled by those things that contradicted what I was sure of, I heard truth and disbelieved. Laughed off his ridiculous quips and claims to have saved my life."  
"I don't know why, it's what your father made me your manservant for in the first place." Merlin's voice calmly interjected, startling Sir Elyan.

"Yes, well, consider my disbelief well and truly remedied." He glared without heat at his smirking warlock.

"Sir Elyan, rumours are not my concern unless they compromise my kingdom or the safety of my people. That definition has become more _expansive_ recently, but the ideal has always been the same. As to Guinivere and rumours, you'll have to be more specific. She has lived in the castle from the age of twelve, in close proximity to the ruling family, that is a long time to fuel gossip."

Elyan gulped, sensing that the calmer, cooler tone was not _less_ dangerous but one to be _more_ wary of, looking to Merlin for help and finding none was offered, "It… You took no mistresses sire, and he was always kept close, rarely respectful, I just figured you were close for a master and servant, nothing more, but there were always people who talked. Said he liked men. That it was a wise move for you to avoid bastards-" Elyan hissed as the invisible bonds burned hot and Merlin gasped in horror, looking ready to run. "I'm sorry, I've never slipped like that before-" he muttered, Arthur held a hand up, "Calm Merlin. I know."

He held Elyan's gaze, "If it it those rumours of me exploiting my servants or abusing them, they most certainly are not true, and I am disappointed to hear you give any credence to such slander. Guinivere would never tolerate being treated in such a way, and nor would Merlin. I am far _more_ disappointed to hear you speak in a derogatory way when you know full well that certain of your brother knights have fathered and supported bastards, and that some openly sleep with other men, despite my father's laws. Fortunately it is not followed by the same punishment as use or possession of magic. Can I trust such a man to fight beside them faithfully?" He raised a brow, managing to imbue threat without raising his voice or reaching for any weapon.  
"My apologies sire. I was surprised, and I confess worried for Guinivere."

"You needn't be. She is more resilient than you know." He frowned then, "Nor do I believe she would appreciate you speaking for her."

"Then why is she not present either, sire?" Elyan's tone betrayed his upset, and Arthur's anger towards him began to cool at the genuine concern he heard.

"She will be. I hope you have not displayed the same displeasure over such pairings in front of Lady Guinivere." Elyan's eyes widened "Why-"

"She has always been known for uncommon kindness and empathy." Arthur dared the man to contradict him, or insult the woman who he believed would be queen. "Gwen was always kind and gentle, even as a child."

"Then why did you abandon her?" Arthur didn't soften his words, still angered by the man's uncharacteristic insolence and attitude.

"I didn't mean to… They were better off without me. Was never much of a family man that way."

"You were wrong. Perhaps it was the right thing, but done the wrong way. You hurt her, and you knew that you would before you left, and what it would do to your father." He leaned in towards the darker man, "I know. You see I had a sister too once, and I failed her in ways I can never undo. Broke her with ignorance and the selfishness of an entitled youth; yet I never acted on something so big without thinking about her, hearing what she would say in her absence. I know you considered the impact on your father and did it anyway, because I am about to undertake actions that will hurt my own deeply. Simply to do what is morally right, and make the only rational choice left me. It still grieves me to consciously hurt him in such a way, even knowing he would kill you all without a second thought. You were young, and naive, and made a bad decision. Every young man does; and I believe that we all deserve a second chance, a chance to redeem ourselves or repair what damage we can. I would be as bad a hypocrite as my father if I was to expect to have my own and deny Merlin his. I am many things Sir Elyan, but a hypocrite is not one of them. Another reason that I cannot continue to persecute those with magic."

"Why use it? You saw what it did to the Witch. What if _he_ ," Elyan's head jerked towards Merlin and the servant saw a real fear in them, "Turns too. It happens to all of them here."

Arthur nodded seriously. "Here yes. Not elsewhere. What are we doing differently? Perhaps killing entire villages for producing a sorcerer might not encourage wholesome use of magic, hmm?"

Elyan growled, "It killed my father."

Merlin felt the guilt all over again and looked away. Arthur noticed and hissed, "No. Magic saved him long enough for him to make bad business decisions. A knight killed him, on Uther's command. _I_ arrested him. The law against magic, and my own lack of resistance is responsible for his death, and Guinivere knows it. You want to get pissy and pick a fight, do it with me. Go on. I'll wait." Elyan backed down seeing the fire in the prince's eyes. Everyone knew better than to take that bait.

Lord Geoffrey watched them quietly over his mug of mead, he'd more than earned the entertainment. Merlin spoke quietly, disrupting the tension between them, "Who did you lose Sir Elyan?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Your fear. The anger. You grew up here like Leon, but you've travelled and seen outside like Lancelot and Gwaine, you cannot be so naive or bitter without cause."

"A friend. A very good friend."

Merlin nodded sympathetically, "Before or after you left the city?"

"Before. My mother died when an illness spread through the city, and my friend was given something she was told would stop them getting sick, so they took it. She had been tricked by a sorceress into accepting something she'd no way to understand brought the sickness to the city and died for it. I couldn't stay."

Merlin looked at him intensely, judging something. "I felt the same way when Freya died. About sorceresses, about knights. Arthur killed her, the woman I loved, because a sorceress had first cursed her. The world cannot be so easily separated into good and evil Sir Elyan, and no man makes his best decisions whilst grieving or in anger. The knights used no magic, but I lost part of my soul that night. It did not turn me to evil. At least I hope it didn't."

Merlin looked back at Gwaine who smiled softly in an unspoken response.

Gwen's brother stilled, looking nauseous. "I didn't know. You still serve him."

"Yeah. Neither did anyone else. At all. The knights, Gwen. Gaius was involved in her death so I was alone with it. Telling Gwen would have endangered her as loving a druid is very much illegal." He looked ruefully at Percival, "Running would not have solved anything. I was needed here, so I stayed, and I smiled, and I never even said her name."

Lord Geoffrey smiled sadly at the more reasonable tone, the only one to notice Finian slip from the room.

"If you boys are all quite ready to listen and pay attention?" Prince Arthur sat and focused his attention on the record keeper. "Thank you Lord Geoffrey. Please continue."

Merlin beside him inclined his head, "We'll behave my Lord, servant's honour." He made a gesture unfamiliar to most at the table and Gwaine choked beside him as the old man rolled his eyes muttering "Gods have mercy.".

"Good luck with that." Merlin grimaced before realising he'd been overheard. "You'll be fine, they like you lot. Or find you entertaining. Whatever, we're listening."

"As you wish _My Lord."_ Geoffrey grinned as he said it causing Merlin to shudder.

"Merlin mentioned that I recognised him when he arrived. It wasn't quite so simple. I did recognise him, but not on sight. I knew his father when he was a young man. It was only when Merlin first forgot that he was supposed to be a servant, or an idiot - which he absolutely is - and accidentally showed his true self in intelligence, asking the right questions, and reading books that ought to be beyond the Ken of any peasant that I _saw_ him. Really, anyone who paid even a little attention should have at least noticed things that did not fit. His father being who he was meant there was no way Merlin could not be magic. The great dragon being held captive under the castle, there was no way he would not reach out. It's instinct… and apparently very difficult to ignore."

"Hell yeah," came from the head of the table. "Uh, sorry. It's not possible to sleep with someone loudly speaking directly into your mind." There was a murmur of agreement from behind them. "Sorry about that Ozzie."

"No matter Lord Emrys, it was important and you weren't exactly _yelling,_ just naturally overwhelming."

"I did try to restrain that."

Oswald smiled wryly, "and _that_ is what makes you Merlin and Emrys."

"Sorry I interrupted Lord Geoffrey."

The old man only stroked his beard, "Your father agreed. I recall one occasion that he was particularly annoyed at being interrupted and called from his bed." The old man chuckled, "I believe the great dragon checked first after that."

Merlin cringed in realisation as his own lover chuckled beside him. "I hope he still does." he whispered, causing Merlin to blush hotly.

"Anyone who did not look closer has themself and their 'natural' prejudices regarding servants to blame. That aside I did not consider the prophecies until much later. We will not compromise the present of future by discussing those, even the men who _do_ have some foreknowledge. One careless warning is all it could take to change course, and that must never be done lightly. No one here has the Sight, or the training to even consider it. The past is different, it can be studied, as can the present as long as it is treated as separate to possible futures. I have before me lists of _families_ and _groups_ exterminated or hunted. It does not include the many individuals who died in the Purge or as a result of king Uther's extreme laws- like not offering professional services to those with magic. Or knowing someone with it. All of you present would have been guilty of treason only days ago." He handed a sheaf of parchments to Leon on one side and Percival on the other. Leon looked and began to read them, but Percival made no move to do so, "You will not acknowledge them Sir Percival?" Asked the archivist carefully. "Will it make more of an impact than the murder of my family? I agree with the Prince regent. His intentions give me more hope for the future than I have had for a long time." Lord Geoffrey nodded, "Yes, my niece was more than enough to lose so brutally. I remain witness and write each name because someone must. When I am gone, who will remember if not the knights of the round table and the Once and Future king?"

Percival swallowed harshly. "You forgot Emrys." Geoffrey's face went blank, "Merlin and I have an understanding. Please." The knight acquiesced and with shaking hands began to read, more slowly than Leon who had been taught literacy as a young child.

"There are many races in Albion. In the five kingdoms and beyond. Some of them you may know, and others you may not. All of these have been persecuted under the current laws, any who were lost never returned home, those who ran were hunted down, and king Uther made Camelot many enemies. Arthur has already built some bridges with several. All of which hinge on Merlin. Without him, they will not deal. The others all _need_ magic. It is woven into the foundation of the world, holding everything together, and once it is attacked to a certain point, the veils begin to weaken, and the balance that always kept the darkness at bay, where it should be, it destabilised. Emrys and the Witch are the human-mostly- manifestations of that balance. When the world is _right_ they are not in conflict but harmony. Complementing each other. If there was no death, there would be no new life either, or sufficient resources to support those lives, it would cause conflict and pain, bringing about death and suffering forcibly. If there was no new life and cycle of rebirth then everything would end. The world would rot. Day and night must both exist, the planting and the harvest. No man can live without both fire and water. Opposites, but they do not _have_ to be in conflict. Uther _changed_ the balance too much. He purged good magic, free magic, from this kingdom, this land, and polluted it with dark magic, let loose all the things that had once been guarded or kept at bay. He left you all defenceless against genuine threats. The younger men on his council are ignorant of much of this, they, like you, were never taught, but some knowingly seek power, simply not caring what it costs others. The always were a minority of people so selfish, and there always will be. Nimue, the high priestess became one of them. Her death was inevitable, but unfortunate."

Leon looked to the archivist at his side "The priestesses are listed here, how did she escape?"

Lord Geoffrey glanced at Merlin whose lips thinned, "I'm not sure exactly. I know many things, but I certainly do not know everything. Merlin may know more about her."

Merlin looked seriously at Sir Leon. "I killed the High Priestess on the blessed isle and made her life Gaius' after she killed him. I didn't know I could do that. It wasn't long after I arrived, and was when Arthur was bitten by a questing beast. The cure was not some obscure elixir. We fought and I took a direct hit, it hurt, but it was worth the pain. The complicated part is that I did not realise I was meant to then take her place, as usually a duel was over power, and either way, the strongest in magic was 'supposed' to lead. I'm in the process of fixing that mess, and there will be a meeting at the full moon. Arthur and I wished to include you all first, be sure you had the information."  
"Is that where you got the scar?"

Merlin looked puzzled, "Which scar?" Leon pushed back his curls and mimed something unpleasant, "Oh! _That_ scar, no, that was someone different, before Camelot. Lynching. They were bad at it, thankfully. Still took a while to recover from. I'd never been so bored. Nimue gave me a different scar, and no, I'm not showing them off in some bizarre masculinity challenge, it's weird."

Gwaine laughed, "Unless there's some 'discuss your feelings' section in the challenge you'll lose mate. Scars or not."  
"You're meant to be on my side."

"I _am_ on your side."

Leon felt like an intruder on an unspoken conversation and turned away. "Sorry, I didn't realise."

Merlin refocused and shrugged, "Why would you? I didn't want anyone to, I'm hardly made of glass. He's a prat but I don't think Arthur would use me as a practice dummy if he really thought I couldn't handle it, just."

Leon cleared his throat, "Well he's much less of a difficult man since you came." Gwaine spoke quietly to Arthur who had been observing them all, "About that sire, I think you need to see what he can really do. With weapons and without. When he's not having to concentrate on not being _seen._ It's like taking on a different man."

"Tomorrow Gwaine, we're going away then anyway."

Lancelot drew their attention back to the wider group. "Lord Geoffrey, some of these are names of villages I've heard of but no longer exist. Others are place names. Can you explain?"  
The librarian nodded slowly, waves of sadness rolling off him, "They are the sites of massacres or mass graves." Lancelot blanched.

Arthur pushed back the sick feeling, "Sir Lancelot, you will be a part of the effort to identify and mark those places. It is no longer breaking the law to mark the graves of sorcerers, and many lying in unmarked, unsanctified ground were no sorcerers anyway."

"Do not make the mistake of thinking it is an easy task, even those that are physically simple take a toll on a man. I believe you will not try to take any shortcuts or be challenged by recognising their humanity."

Lancelot answered without hesitation. "Absolutely Sire. I wish to speak with those serving us, and Merlin, about any possible complication or required rituals, if you don't object."

Arthur smiled broadly, "Good, this is why I have chosen you for the task."

"Sir Leon, you will also assist in this task. It is the price of what we have done to face the consequences and reality, but I believe it will bring a measure of healing to you to give some of these peace or recognition. You will do this with SIr Lancelot."

Sir Geoffrey willed away the tears that dared to gather in his eyes. Merlin didn't bother, it seemed pointless anyway. Under the table Gwaine's hand reached for his, and he lost the battle for manly respect.

"Percival, the choice is yours, I will not command you to take part in this particular endeavour."

The huge man searched his prince's face, "I would like to volunteer to help with the Druid sites, but I would appreciate not taking on the full task. Sire."

Arthur accepted it without any more comment than a quiet thank you.

Lord Geoffrey met his gaze across the table and with a barely visible nod offered more encouragement than his father ever managed. He sighed. "It's a necessary task, and I am relieved to have such men take it on, but it does nothing about the core of our problems, which is my father. The king. He is a troubled and dangerous man, with little left to lose, and he knows it. He cannot be trusted, and I don't know if there is anything or anyone he wouldn't sacrifice now." He knew it, but the admission hurt no less, and he was grateful for Merlin's calm presence at his right hand. It was odd having _calm_ Merlin in company. He'd no need for distraction, or being perceived as clumsy though now he no longer wondered if they were about to reveal something to the prince that would give him away. Impatient and fiddly was still Merlin, whose fingers were still moving, tapping against Gwaine's thigh nervously, but he wasn't vibrating with nervous energy in the same way. "I have to do something tomorrow to fulfil a prior commitment, something I cannot do days _after_ taking permanent regency, and when we return to Camelot his rule and tyranny will finally be brought to an end. I will need all of you. I will set things in motion and on our return will ensure a semi-public conflict with Uther. Not in open court, but enough witnesses to create the correct speculation. I know my father. He will… _fight_ after if he feels provoked. Then we remove him the following day when I display the wounds- real or exaggerated. The court Physician has vowed to testify against him this time." No-one mentioned the slip of 'this time'.

"This sounds dangerous Arthur. Using yourself as bait." Merlin said in a low tone,

"I'll have you there Merlin. This has been building my whole life though. I just avoided it rather than confront him properly. The balance of power between us has changed though. If I replace him _now_ it won't trigger a civil war or a disastrous court split. It's more than time."

"What do you need us to do sire?" Asked Lancelot seriously.

"I need you to be present in the immediate vicinity when the confrontation occurs, and when he refuses to let go of his position. Percival and Elyan, I want one of you to be on him at all times while we are away, brief as it should be. Unforeseen complications have been common recently."

Percival shook his head at the truth of it, "Of course sire."

Elyan answered respectfully this time, "Yes sire."

"It will anger some people, and garner a lot of attention, not all of it good. You must all be prepared to face that anger and fight if it becomes necessary."

"Yes Sire," chorused Leon and Lancelot, and Merlin rolled his eyes, you'd never know that Lancelot wasn't born to a Lord.

Percival nodded slowly, "Yes sire."  
Elyan watched them carefully before giving his answer, "I was only a blacksmith who wanted to save my home and you knighted me to let me do so. How could I refuse when called to do so again?"

"You are forgiven Sir Elyan, and warned to watch your tongue in future. It's usually Merlin whose cheek gets us into trouble.

"Never more than we can get out of Sire." He grinned at his master, "Oh, yes, _one_ last thing for tonight. I would like your suggestions for a new manservant. My old one has been offered new employment and will be required to take it up on our return; which with serving duties is more than any one man can do without adding in extra hours to the day- yes Merlin, thank Ozzie for ratting you out there. So as you can see I'm in desperate need of a replacement."

Merlin shouted, horrified, "Oi! I haven't accepted any new jobs you prat, you can't fire me _now."_

"I absolutely can, and I am. Here, look, you're fired. See. Anyway I _was_ going to offer you a new job. Higher pay, and a few days off so you can officiate holy days, or whatever it is Emrys is supposed to do for festivals, see if you get a payrise now." Arthur smirked.

"Ass." Merlin glared at him as Gwaine chuckled.

"Idiot."

"I swear I'll give you donkey ears again!"

Gwaine stepped in before they could get any more distracted bickering, "Oh come on Merlin, that might be just a _little_ bit of an overreaction. Not calling him an ass obviously, since he is, but did you hear the part about _days off?"_ He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Merlin smiled brightly, turning back to the prince. "A new job you say? What are the hours like? I'm not that fussy really, I mean I have this _terrible_ employer, who is cruel and obnoxious. When do I start?"

Arthur snorted, "As soon as we get back. I'm burning all the clothes with holes in first. Then I'm going to show you what the 'girly' embroidery is really for."

The Prince scanned the room as he remembered the one _other_ thing he had meant to do, "Damn, I forgot to send someone for her."

He needn't have worried as at that moment Guinivere stormed in, rage radiating from her, but instead of approaching Arthur she made directly for Merlin, and stopping in front of him slapped the man sharply across the face. Around the table several jaws dropped as his hand went automatically to his cheek. "Gwen I'm sor-"

"Don't. Just don't. Oh my god, you- you _idiot,_ how bloody dare you. I thought we were friends. At least before… you were my best friend Merlin, _how could you not tell me?"_

Merlin looked down helplessly at the small woman before him. "I couldn't put you in any more danger. Good friends don't get each other arrested for treason. Or worse."

"In Camelot they do; but best friends break each other out."

Merlin smiled slightly, "Yeah. They do. Uhm. Maybe this would actually be better without the rest watching?"

Arthur nodded jerkily. "You all have much to think about. I need not say that it is strictly forbidden to discuss elsewhere. Dismissed."

Merlin swallowed, eyes going unbidden to Gwaine as he rose. "No." Said the woman at his side quietly enough not to draw attention. "Sir Gwaine may stay. He is relevant I believe to what _we_ have to discuss." her gaze rested solidly on the prince.

"He is, Guinivere, would you join us in my private quarters? Merlin, you do not have a particular deadline to make your other meeting tonight do you."

The warlock shifted his weight, "Not really. Just remember he can't make a daylight rendezvous."

"Alright then. Sir Gwaine, your engagement with a barrel of bead will wait."

"Yes _sire."_ came the sarcastic reply.

"Merlin?"

"Yes Arthur?"

"Make idiot number two shut up." Grinning wickedly before Gwaine could answer back again Merlin's eyes glowed golden, and he 'gagged' the man, who continued to mouth expletives futilely at his warlock all the way to the prince's door.


	54. Chapter 54

**53**

Merlin was hoping for a reprieve, but he knew it wouldn't come. This was Gwen. He was fairly sure she'd scold Fate herself if she was angry enough.

The sound of the heavy door falling closed was followed by a profound silence. Arthur signalled to Merlin to lift the spell, and Gwaine sighed his relief.

Gwen looked around the room, settling on the table. "There boys, sit."

Obediently they did, leaving the top seat for her, which she gracefully took. Gwen looked at each of them in turn, expressions too fluid to pin down. Finally she turned towards Arthur, focusing on him. So did Merlin.

"Arthur what is my favourite colour?"

He looked unsettled, "Purple my Lady." She smiled and nodded, "Merlin?"

"Yellow, but you think that you shouldn't wear it now that the posh folk actually pay attention." She coughed to cover the laugh.

"What are the favourite colours of Merlin and Gwaine?"

"Red for Merlin. His blue things are less worn. Maybe green for Gwaine." the knight caught his breath, beginning to suspect where this was going.

"Arthur what is Merlin's mother's name?"

He looked surprised, it was unlike Guinivere to forget such a detail, "Hunith my Lady, or Lady Hunith if she prefers. She's staying with Gaius if you require her."

Guinivere's lips twitched at the response. "Thank you; what was _my_ mother's name?"

Arthur suddenly felt like a trapped deer, hoping for an intervention. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "What did she do?"

"I… I Don't know, I never met her." Gwen shook I her head ruefully and Gwaine winced.

"See, Sir Lancelot, or even Sir Leon, could answer that. She worked in the castle, a lower position. She was proud of me being chosen for the Lady of Camelot. Her name was Evelyn. I don't doubt that you love me Sire. You just love Merlin more. Not the way Gwaine does, just _more._ You were grieved when the king killed my father, ensured I was physically secure with a home. For Merlin you determine to _change the laws._ I know you, and you never act to harm Camelot, but I doubt you would be rushing it without his existence and suffering." she reached over to kiss his cheek. "I hold no bitterness my love, towards you. Or even you, Merlin," She addressed her friend with more strain. "You never seduced him. You orchestrated time for us to be together selflessly, you never even _told_ him. It is painful to watch knowing he can never reciprocate your attraction or desire, despite returning your intensity of feelings platonically. It seems cruel of destiny to engineer such a thing. I could have shared him with you I believe, if it had been within private walls. I am not by nature a possessive woman. To do so publicly, in full view not only of Camelot but the surrounding kingdoms, that is too big a sacrifice. I am not willing to be a laughing stock _and_ lonely. It would twist my heart and poison my spirit. Being your wife would have been a privilege, my Prince. I am self aware enough to know my hard boundaries, and I cannot be the wife of The Once and future King. If you must banish me I request time to prepare, and if you still care, I would respectfully seek a new place in your court my king."

Gwaine was rather proud of her for being clear and considering the realities.

Merlin still appeared as though he had done something terrible?" I'm sorry Gwen. I didn't know this would happen. It was supposed to be you and him up there. A happy ending for at least two of us. Keeping everything secret about the magic hurt more than any other secret I've kept. Maybe I ought to have told you, but you were already accused of using it, and it felt unsafe, then later you were down scared when Morgana's manifested…"

"You _idiot,_ I was scared _for her,_ not _of her._ In Uther's household? You think her eyes never sparked even a little when she woke from 'nightmares'. Years ago I just thought it was some evil sorceress that wanted her to suffer for being the King's ward. Later I doubted that and yes, it scared me. They made her watch, and attend the following celebrations. I came to fear _Morgana_ only when she started using rituals before Arthur's quest to the Perilous lands." Merlin turned a sickly shade of green remembering them all. "You should have told _her._ Trained her."

"That is more complicated than you'd like. When I arrived I didn't even know a spell Gwen. Only magic. I literally could not have. I didn't know what a Seer was until later, when Gaius explained. If I had tried I could have made it worse. If I was caught teaching her magic, we all would have died. You included. I'm not like the others Gwen. Most of the things I do I just _do._ Impossible things, difficult things. Spells are often tricky, because of the different methods, but I came with no experience at all. Magic was always in me, part of me, and my first lesson was never let anyone see. My second was hiding, and my third was to lie if one and two failed. It's hard to hide standing just behind the Prince of the realm. There are things that I would do differently given the time again. Get my father before Kilgarrah was free, remove the poultice from your home before it was found, leave earlier to reach Freya in time. To claim I would tell you would be dishonest… and really, as the other side of my coin, I wanted Arthur to know first… And to know who _he_ was. I'm sorry I waited too long."

Gwen smiled sadly. "Well it's known now. I'm disappointed and sad, my heart _aches,_ but it is not _broken_ the way it was when - I think that is very telling. I will always love you Arthur, and I will always follow you, my king. Merlin, if you ever need me, please let me know. I am your friend, and I would like to get to know you, for real this time, not just _half_ of a brilliant person."

She looked at Gwaine, who had waited surprisingly patiently and sighed. "So. A king's son. No wonder you hate nobles, all of the noblemen seem to create and carry Daddy issues. I'm glad you have found a home, and something worth fighting _for_ not just against. You are doing what I cannot, aren't you? Sharing him and being seen by others to do it."

Gwaine frowned, he'd always liked the woman who, behind a 'harmless and gentle' exterior possessed a sharp wit and intelligence. "Not quite. I am sharing _Them_. Arthur is not separate to my relationship or arrangement with Merlin. He is a fundamental part of it, and sharing someone so fully, even when two are not lovers, means working _with_ each other, not competing. At least off the field. People talk, they always will, it doesn't really matter what it's about. Except for Arthur. For practical, personal, and political reasons he will need a wife, but it is important that they realise fully what they would be getting involved in. We wanted you to understand. To give you a proper choice and the freedom to make it before and not after the wedding. They forgot to mention how important that was to them; especially to Merlin, who is more familiar with the differences between peasant marriage and the expectations of the nobles."

Gwen grimaced, "He was right. They are not alike, but I learned that serving Morgana. Keep them kind Gwaine. Don't let them forget themselves. Please. Don't let Destiny consume them." He silently nodded and dropped a kiss to her hand "I'll certainly try my Lady."

Arthur caught her hand when Gwaine stepped aside and gazed up at her more appreciative than he had been in weeks. "Guinivere, I free you from any perceived obligation, you have my blessing to pursue your own happiness. With anyone you should wish. You are a free-woman of Camelot. If you are content to do so I would make you an advisor to the king and offer you a place on the council. It currently has no female members and I suspect that may be a weakness of some sort."

Guinivere laughed at the clumsy attempt to articulate the desire to change things in reality.

"I would be honoured sire. May your own search for happiness be short and fruitful. Merlin? Take care of the clotpole for me."

"I always do mum- _ma'am_ \- milady. Oh fuck. Crocuses or begonias? Heather?"

"Thank you Merlin. That will do nicely." She arched a neat eyebrow. "You lasted longer than I thought you would before slipping you know… and thank you for wearing my clothes - your clothes - ugh, the shirt I made for you. The rest are almost complete."

She eyed Arthur quizzically, "The last require a nameless merchant, and make more sense now, but will take longer; oh, and I _love_ the coat, when the world as we know it is not ending you have to tell me its story."

She stood and looked around at them, brushing away disobedient tears from her eyes and swallowing hard. "Well, gentlemen, I think you have a great deal more to enlighten me about, but perhaps _that much_ can wait. You have other people to see tonight I heard."

The three of them rose with her and Merlin didn't hesitate to pull her into a tight hug, letting go he held out his hand, "Hi, I'm Merlin, but most people call me Idiot. I've been in disguise?" Seeing the recognition in her eyes he smiled softly. "It was never because I didn't trust you."

Gwen looked down and nodded, "I know. Just give me some time. I don't care about the magic. I care about losing my friend. He just wasn't who I thought, because you never let me know you. Don't do it again." She lightly shoved him.

"I promise."

Gwaine pulled her in next. "I'll go with them as often as I can when they come up with insane plans, and drug them when they need to sleep." He winked, "I don't think you're heart will take too long to heal my Lady. There are many here who love you." His oddly serious tone was at odds with his playful demeanour and Gwen wondered which part was the act, but thanked him anyway.

Last was Prince Arthur, who pulled Guinivere away to a different room to say his own goodbye privately.

The knight and the warlock waited patiently, drifting together themselves. "You'll drug me so I sleep? Really? _That was your reassuring thing?"_

Gwaine folded his arms and looked dubiously at Merlin. "Merlin mate, what time is it?"

Merlin looked to the window. "Night. It is night time."

Gwaine groaned and lightly smacked the back of his head. "Almost midnight, and what are you planning? Going out to introduce Princess to a dragon. _Possibly_ getting a couple of hours kip, then off at daylight for a skin upgrade. Hell yeah I'm gonna make you sleep when you need to. Kilgarrah would agree with me."

"Kilgarrah would tell you that destiny never sleeps, and not to forget to kill the Witch. He even used to wake me up personally."

Gwaine frowned, "Truuue. There must be someone who wants you alive."

"Morgana wants me alive and well to kill herself." Merlin pointed out helpfully.

"Doesn't count "

"Oh my gods, you are so _fussy."_

 _"_ Fine, Princess wants you alive and well enough to actually notice him torturing you and satisfy his permanent craving for attention… He's standing behind me, isn't he."

He groaned when a low voice came from behind him, "Yes sir Gwaine, he is, and if I was not already planning to drag you out without the morning after draught, I'd hand out some painful punishment. You're right though, I do want him alive, and the dragon can fuck off if he thinks he can keep you awake all night and day."

"Can we at least get through the introductions before you tell him that?"

"Maybe. Today has not been my best day ever." The Prince sounded bone tired and Merlin shook his head, agreeing, "No, but at least you've got a solid plan, and support for it."

Arthur stayed quiet. Gwaine looked between them and stepped backwards, you know, I really need to be getting back to that ale, Percy knows where my stash is. The lot of them could down several barrels in a night and leave me dry. Take care out there."

"And yourself, Sir Gwaine. I don't want to come home and find you drowned in a cask." Replied Arthur flatly.

Gwaine slipped from the room neatly without disturbing the pair.

"We should go. Right now. Bring your sword." Merlin forced himself not to say anything more, emotional fluency was never Arthur's strength, and they had to get away from the castle before it could be discussed like normal people might.

For once Arthur didn't take umbrage at being told what to do or directed, though Merlin wasn't fool enough to believe that beneath the surface he was calm.

They moved like shadows through the halls of the castle and left without trouble, which concerned him deeply. If the Prince and his servant could leave without notice, sinister folk could too.

In the darkness Arthur had to trust the horse to follow his warlock. The silence was good; it let him think.

Merlin didn't appreciate the silence the same way, and was almost vibrating by the time the reached Kilgarrah's clearing.

Dismounting and tying their mounts he did not immediately call him, the nerves as bad as they had been the first night with Gwaine.

He leaned against the tree next to them, shoving his hands deep in his expanded pockets, fingers wrapping around something he hadn't noticed before, rolled and sealed with a symbol he did not recognise, he resisted pulling it out immediately to inspect.

"I'm sorry about Gwen." Merlin's hands twitched, naturally going to comfort and aware it was unlikely to be appreciated. Arthur swallowed, "You heard her. It wouldn't have lasted under the stress of the crown, we were strained enough under my regency. Letting her choose was all I could do. I'm angry. More at myself for letting it happen than anything else. I love Guinivere, she saw me for myself. Maybe I should just have married one of the foreign princesses my father picked after all. It cannot be worse than feeling this weakness and loss."

Merlin rolled his eyes and prayed for patience.

"All of _them_ were either pawns in evil plots, or independently trying to kill you Arthur. Death would not be an improvement. I haven't lost someone I loved like this before, where they chose to leave. Loss though I know _very_ well. I would have married Freya. I still love Morgana in a not very fraternal way, which is complicated since she's also my Destined mortal enemy. I ended any chance there of following up on our times with the Druids. Poisoning someone rarely grants an option for reconciliation.

Gwen is leaving because she understands you need more than she can give now. Gwen is the woman you needed, she taught you how to love someone. You were not ready before her to meet the needs of any queen. Whoever was chosen it could never have gone well. For either of you. Arthur there have been so many times in the past few years where offered a choice, a real one where people would not die, I'd have walked - no, I'd have _run_ away. It's hard not to resent her making that choice. _Having_ that choice that we never did… but how much better for us all that she does so now than after she had taken on even more responsibilities? At least do not doubt the truth of her love for you though. Give her that much. Guinivere has cared for Uther, the man who callously executed her father, listened to every terrible insult, every accusation, the _worst_ memories and delirium you can imagine. All because he is _your father._ She is a wise choice for an adviser, and an excellent role model for any young women in the Court. More than many mothers. Her loss as your paramour will hurt, if it didn't something would be wrong; but Arthur she is still safe. She continues. One day she will smile again. She will still dance, and sew, and order the knights around as though it is her right. I had to burn mine, and she will never exist again."

Arthur snorted, "I thought you had the immortal Lady of the Lake to see her whenever you liked."

Merlin flinched, "You thought wrong. I was too young, too devastated at the murder of my first love to realise where I had taken her. I don't know what I did or how exactly. I bound her there. She is a guardian, not Freya, but more. I can't see her 'whenever I like' or whenever I visit Avalon, and sometimes when I see the Lady of the Lake it is not her. I have no control or certainty there, and she can never leave the shores. She does not smell like her, like the woods and the wild flowers. Now like fresh water and sea air. It's better than the smoke. Believe me Arthur. I would do _anything_ to watch Freya walk away from me whole, even to the arms of another, if it meant not being the cause of her death or her destruction."

He couldn't look at Arthur by the end.

"You didn't cause her death. " Arthur patted him awkwardly, getting a bitter laugh,

"Oh I did… And I have almost come to terms with that. I know it hurts now, but you'll be OK, and you _will_ find someone who is the right woman to be your queen now."

"Queen consort." replied Arthur sharply.

"Fine. Queen consort. How different is that?" Merlin asked, wondering what he'd missed.

Arthur frowned. "Quite different. Much like the difference between being Uther's ward and being his daughter, the princess. She would have power equivalent to an advisor. Not authority without me. My status would be hers, but she wouldn't have it in her own right. In this situation it has to be that was. I suspect it played a part in Guinivere's decision. The crueller Ladies would insist that I simply deemed her unworthy of the position but wanted more permanence than a mistress."

Merlin looked concerned. "Yeah, we're definitely gonna talk about this later. I won't be a part of you owning someone." He pushed himself away from the trunk and strode towards the higher part of the clearing, "Time to get the part you were pissed about over with. Arthur saw the man's eyes twinkle with mischief just before he threw back his head and bellowed. Arthur was sure that noise should be impossible for any human to produce, and still edgy when his friend sidled back to him. "So when I told you to shut up and move quietly to avoid scaring prey you actually were being quiet for you, huh?"

"What can I say? He flies faster if I call loudly. Technically we can speak mentally, but that's no use for you to meet him."

Arthur shook his head, still stunned by the way his best friend could change in a moment, flipping almost between two selves; although Arthur understood that it was only bringing one side forward over the other from his own experience alternating Prince of Camelot with Arthur the man. "How long do you have to wait?"

Merlin shrugged, "It depends how far away he is to begin with."

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Well thank you _Merlin_ for explaining the basic premise of distance. Can you be _any more specific?"_

The warlock glanced across, "Not really. Why?"

"Why?! Because it would be fucking useful."

"I'll do some research. Shockingly _sire_ , while magic is still actually illegal in Camelot, doing research for obscure facts regarding skills of subgroups is very difficult."

The Prince wanted to sit down the way Merlin had against a tree trunk, but couldn't bring himself to risk meeting the great dragon sat on his arse.

Fortunately it didn't take _too_ long as Kilgarrah really had been trying to stay close for news, and he flapped as gracefully as anything the size of a couple of great halls can to the ground.

"You called, Young Warlock."  
"Hello Kilgarrah." Merlin smiled and approached him, placing a hand on the great dragon's snout. "I did. There's someone I want you to meet, properly this time." Arthur came towards the dragon far more cautiously, one hand still on his sword hilt, stopping behind Merlin, who twisted out of the way.

"Arthur this is Kilgarrah, the great dragon, and my friend. Kilgarrah, the Once and Future King. Truly now."

Kilgarrah huffed. "I'm honoured to finally meet you Arthur. Merlin has been asking questions and advice to keep you safe and whole for some time now. You tried as a boy to come visit me, but the guards caught you before you made it."

"You attacked my people." Arthur growled.  
"I attacked my _prison and jailer._ I do regret my actions in those days and have since endeavoured to make amends as Merlin can attest"

Arthur looked over to Merlin, watching them acutely, "It will be of little comfort to the families of those lost or injured, but perhaps we can prevent such a thing from happening again. It's true that you are under Merlin's authority and obey his commands?"

"All creatures of magic are under Emrys' authority, but yes, I more than any other am bound to Merlin's will. He is my Lord, and I am his dragon."

Arthur released his sword hilt with a visible effort and Merlin relaxed. "I am sorry for my own part in the conflict and pain that have come between our peoples; and for my complicity in your imprisonment."

Kilgarrah rumbled. "You were a child Arthur, only a babe when my kind were slaughtered. Your recent actions indicate a sincere wish to correct past horrors and end the war. I am willing to help in any way Emrys finds acceptable. There are occasions sire where our morals conflict."

"The Witch." Stated Arthur.

Kilgarrah's eyes narrowed, "She is certainly one point where we differ yes."

"You have a warrior's heart, to protect the many who you might not name, even if it costs the life of one dear to you. A position worthy of respect, but balanced by compassion and mercy. It is good that you have Merlin. Has your home always been Camelot?"

The dragon laughed, "No little king, a thousand years would be too long for even me to remain here, but I suspect I shall spend my last years in Albion."

"Don't leave him alone." Arthur glared, earning a half smile from the creature.

"I obey only one man sire, and you are not him, but I will try."

Merlin threw the massive creature a disapproving look. "I thought you'd be polite at least the first time.

If dragons could shrug he would have, "It would have been dishonest. As I understand it you both have had more than enough of that."

"Definitely." Said Arthur. "You know I didn't know that dragons could speak, let alone reason. Or feel. Please forgive me."

"A costly lesson, young king, but a worthy one. Most creatures of magic are capable of understanding, unless they are the darkest. Do not assume we are dumb beasts, it is rarely the case… Tell me, what brings you to meet me _now?_ Your sword is at your side still, but you have not drawn it on me, despite clearly feeling I would deserve such a fate. Such a rash little boy you were, imperious and demanding, and you were so close to growing into a tyrant yourself. It is fascinating to find instead a man grown to true courage and leadership."

Arthur folded his arms, standing just short of aggressively, "You are not endearing yourself as an ally right now you know. It's not too late to get the sword out."

Merlin threw up his hands, "Oh my goddess, will you pair _stop_ with the posturing already. Just be fucking honest with the mad lizard Arthur. Kilgarrah, stop messing with the humans I attempt to introduce to you. I realise it's boring with limited entertainment options, but so help me you _will_ learn to talk to each other beyond insults."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Yes mother." Kilgrarrah huffed smoke and Merlin growled something that Arthur couldn't understand but apparently made plenty of sense to the dragon, who immediately rearranged himself to look less like he was considering eating the irritating human before him.

"You committed a great wrong against the innocents I am responsible for. Yes. I believe that _deserves_ death in payment of the lives you stole; however I have committed atrocities against those with magic based purely on that trait, worse even. I had no personal reason when I began to follow such orders, and I have been a man responsible for my own actions for a long enough time to know I ought to have worked things out before Merlin was sent to Camelot. If I were to take your life in payment of your crimes against my people, how much more justified would Merlin be to hold me accountable for my own crimes against _his_ people? It won't bring them back. Your life would not return any of those who died. I trust that Merlin spoke the truth when he said you would not- or could not- attack me. The sword is unneeded for our meeting with _you._ I want to end the hostilities. It has gone on for long enough. Far too long really. The war cannot continue. I know my sister. She will never stop. I never knew my father the way I thought; the man I knew was an illusion, he never existed. Plans are in motion now that cannot be undone, Dragon. Merlin is a central part to those, and I don't know how much you have been watching, or listening, but he has stopped fighting that inescapable fact. I was resistant to meeting you tonight, but Merlin can be very persuasive with the right motivation, and did make the point that I've dined with worse humans before. Actually that's a thing, what _do_ you eat, if it's humans we'd still have a problem."

Kilgarrah made a disgusted noise, "Humans are tough and stringy in general, and make a big fuss if they think something will consume them. No, I would not eat humans unless there was _nothing_ else there. Mostly deer and sheep these days, grazers taste better. I do miss aurochs, _they_ were good."

Arthur did step away a little but looked less concerned about the threat before him. "That's good, do try not to target specific farms too often and spread your hunting grounds wider. I'd imagine someone as large as yourself requires sustenance quite frequently."

Kilgarrah tilted his head, "No more than yourself little king. Will you also tell the wolves the same? To change their hunting grounds for your convenience? I consume only a little more than when I was trapped under your feet without notice from any but the unfortunate man condemned to bring me just enough meat to survive."

"Who was that. Dragon. The one to know of you and say nothing."

Kilgarrah's eyes burned, "If I were to tell you, young king, what would you do with him. What purpose would the information serve?"

Arthur paused, what _could_ he do? It wasn't a crime to keep secrets about a prisoner, or to starve them to exercise power. He had no answer.

"It no longer matters. He was a cruel man and did worse to others he had access to. He was the first man I intentionally killed, and one of the few I do not regret, with the men who helped your father to murder my mate. Those around them should not have been harmed, but for what _they_ did and continued to live in comfort after, without remorse, they deserved to burn. There are those who may not support your father but still benefit personally from his ideology Arthur. Not everyone will take well to the change. Enough I believe to offset it, but humans do not happily let go of power, or gold, and both were stripped from people like the Dragonlords to hand to Uther's panderers."

"Things that were stolen can be returned Dragon."

"Not if the rightful owners and their families are dead."

"In such cases the land reverts to the crown. There are many uncertainties ahead, whether you believe so or not Dragon. In the coming days I need to know which side you will be on."

Arthur spoke seriously, beginning to feel more like he was speaking to a person than he had when they first tried to communicate.

"The only side I am ever on. Emrys, Merlin's. I cannot fight against him even if I wished to, and I do not. If you remain together as is foretold, I shall never be against the Once and Future King and his following."

Arthur nodded. "That is good news at least."

Merlin watched them carefully, finally feeling at ease enough to crack the seal on the parchment, instantly recognising what it was and the handwriting.

"Merlin?" Asked Kilgarrah, sensing his Lord's surprise at such a close range.

"I need you to check something for me. Arthur is right, I stopped fighting destiny, and now I need a better way to 'show' things without sharing scars or calling you, Finian offered to design something, as Ozzie claims it's too complex for him, I wanted you to check them, so someone helpfully planted this on me before we left. Easier I suppose than trying to follow us." He held the double sided parchment where Kilgarrah could see it clearly and heard the dragon began to laugh. "Yes, I see what the young warrior meant. Complicated indeed. A very good start though. No, there is nothing sinister there... And wisdom in leaving some branches open. Has he suggested _where_ to place them?"

Merlin blushed, "He has, and wants me to choose myself."

"The Dragonlords who chose to have their houses or skill marked on their skin to take to the next world often chose their back, and some their chests, less common were upper arms. I believe this 'Finian' has made an effort to match the designs carefully to your personality and skills. If you wish it to be clear on sight who you are, some will have to be visible, or you will have to adjust clothing. Possibly both."

Merlin grimaced, "I doubt Gwen will mind the opportunity to cause me embarrassment or for revenge. She definitely _would_ mind me cutting off the sleeves of my new tunic."

Kilgarrah nodded solemnly "Never knowingly anger your dominant female., It is unwise."

"Dominant Female? Gwen isn't - what on earth gave you that idea?" Merlin said, horrified.

"Which other females in your social group can command the males and expect obedience? Or discipline them, however gently it is done? As you are bound to the other half of your coin and not mated to a rival of the woman Gwen, she _is_ your female alpha. Unless there's something you aren't sharing." Kilgarrah raised an eyebrow and Merlin sighed. "I thought you were supposed to be helpful."

"I _am_ helpful."

Merlin made a choked sound, " _When?_ I have to be half-dead for 'helpful' 'Garrah to make an appearance."  
"If I was always _helpful_ you'd get bored, and not learn properly."  
"I could live with it." Merlin replied dryly.

"You'd get yourself even deeper into danger and mad schemes and boredom is _never_ good for you, you know this. Why are you arguing."

"Oh I don't know, maybe because _Arthur is here_ and I'd quite like to not leave with him thinking I'm even _less_ sane."

Arthur looked at his friend, hands on hips, arguing with the dragon baiting him over a minor point as moonlight glinted off teeth as long as his arm inches from his waving fingers.

"Way too late for that intervention Merlin. Far, far too late."

The great dragon snorted as though amused, but executed what may have been a bow to Merlin, and then dipped his head to Arthur. "Merlin will tell you over the link when we begin, the plans are in place to move on as soon as the tasks we must leave Camelot to see to are completed. Let this be a new beginning for us all, your existence and any like you who remain will not be unwelcome or hunted in my kingdom."

"I approve. I once doubted Her wisdom in choosing two such children, but you have become something more, together I believe that you and Emrys really can renew and heal Albion. You showed great courage in coming out tonight to meet with me young king. Courage that few men possess to face a powerful enemy from past battles and treat for peace after war. In your heart you are a good man Arthur, do not lose it, trust your instincts over your past teaching. Protect my Lord, king Arthur. Do not betray his love."

He looked warmly at Merlin "Goodbye Merlin, young warlock. I gather that when we next meet I shall be speaking with the High Priest Emrys. Have no fear my Lord, you are worthy. You always have been. I would follow you even if you were _not_ the Son of Earth and Sky. Your tattoos suit your heart my Lord." Arthur could swear the dragon smiled before he spread his wings.

"Goodbye Kilgarrah, fly high, I'll show you when they are done, I'm sure you'll just pester me until I do anyway." He chuckled, "OH! I told him I'd give the message- The Lord of the sea asked me to pass on his greetings, and his condolences. I never got his name, he said you would understand. That he is glad to see your home healing."

"Did he indeed. If you see him again pass on my thanks. Tell old seaweed beard that the barriers are weakening, and the sylphs are curious, he'll understand."

"I'm not a bloody messenger boy you know." Yelled Merlin over the disturbance,

"Of course not, but a boy you are nonetheless to those such as the Lord of the Sea and I. One day you will understand _Emrys."_

Arthur wondered if he was imagining the wink as the massive creature launched into the air, leaving him without a windbreak again.

Merlin's pale face escaped his notice in his spinning mind.

"We need to speak to Gaius before leaving tomorrow, he has a one day reprieve before testifying to Uther's council. Doing it safely means doing it with you present, and the members are used to you being there now, it might be notable for you not to be visible then. You have to be ready to appear as Lord Emrys at any Druid gatherings, taking his responsibilities on willingly, so tomorrow are theirs and whichever Catha drew your pictures."

Merlin mounted quietly, listening for anything alarming, "Are you alright Sire? Usually I'm usually the one for unnecessary talking with nervous energy."

"Nervous? Why would I be nervous Merlin? What could there _possibly_ be to be the slightest bit _nervous_ about. I'm the prince, I told you before, _Princes don't get nervous."_

"My mistake _sire,_ of course not." Merlin rolled his eyes.

"I'm _alert._ " Shouted Arthur over the wind.

The warlock snorted, "And that's different how exactly? I mean, before you use a bunch of different adjectives to describe the same state I should remind you that I've literally been _prey_ by the knights definition from birth. 'I'm _alert'_ was basically my motto from about eleven to sixteen. Will never really bought it either."

"Shut up Merlin."

"..."

"Oh my god I can practically hear you thinking. In your voice. You're not fucking around with my head are you?" Arthur grumped.

"No. That's lack of sleep Arthur."

"Ah. Damn, I was hoping it was you, that would be easily fixable." Something was thrown hard into the forest.

Merlin side eyed his friend in concern, "Arthur?"

"Could you sleep if it was you? I just lost- let go- of Guinivere, am orchestrating a coup against a parent I love and king I hate in vain hopes of it being bloodless while ending a deep level civil war people have become numb to. _Then_ met and calmly spoke to something that once attacked my city and is the size of half the lower town."

"No. I couldn't; but I _can_ help if you want and make sure you don't dream? I did a lot of research after- when nothing would help her, about sleeping draughts and other similar concoctions, and various spells around the topic. Then sleeping curses after the knights of Medhir, and antidotes to various poisons- not magical ones, those texts are unavailable in Camelot."  
"And yet you still don't know anything about diplomacy."  
"Fine. Lie awake torturing yourself then. Diplomacy would only save your life if I was a fucking diplomat." Merlin shrugged as if he didn't care one way or another.

"Make me sleep Merlin, just not too much, I can't afford to not wake up tomorrow. I'm important."  
"Keep telling yourself that, cabbage head." Merlin smiled slightly, relieved that they survived an encounter with Kilgarrah unsinged, and Arthur hadn't forgotten they were supposed to be allies now. It could have been a far worse night, even if Gwen _had_ decided she didn't fancy being Arthur's queen after all, the knights were at different stages in their acceptance, and probably _very_ drunk by now, and his mother was in Camelot with someone who wanted to stab him with needles in the morning for a permanent living testament to his skill. Nope, not going to think about that. At least he already knew he was good with pain and wasn't going to scream like a girl in front of 'Courage' and 'Strength'! The horses were quietly returned by Merlin to the stable, and an abbreviated version of the Prince's normal preparation for bed followed, performed in silence by unspoken accord, only broken by a very low and unusually respectful "Goodnight Sire." and quiet chanting that allowed Arthur a brief respite from his waking nightmares and the demons of his unconscious.

Merlin envied him that. It was one thing he couldn't grant himself, and there was no one else who could offer it. Exhausted he locked the Prince's chambers and found his way down to his own room wondering what he'd actually find when he opened the door.

….

Percival glanced back as he left to see Gwaine being called back over, and concluded that he'd be a while, the one who answered to Oswald and had apparently had disappeared to get Guinivere no longer 'wore' his true clothes but what he guessed was a glamour. "Hey, are you free?" He asked quietly. The man initially looked confused until he understood it was an invitation. "Ah. I don't think either of your companions are quite ready for that, but I'm sure you would be welcome in the physicians quarters any time. Lady Hunith would enjoy having someone to fuss over and distract her a little, and I would enjoy the company of one rather closer to my age than Master Finian. Let's not spook the fragile ones." He winked, and Percival chuckled, "Goodnight then sir."  
"Not a knight."

"Haven't you heard? It's not what you're born these days, and I reckon you have a noble heart."

He felt lighter as he strode behind his friends, "Come on, I have ale in. Looks like my original drinking partner has been co-opted for now and you pair look like you need it. Badly."

They nodded and fell back, letting Percival lead. With three the chamber was cramped, especially with one the size of Percival; not that Leon was small standing beside anyone else. "Grab a seat, any one you can. Keep your voices low." He handed them each a mug filled to the brim.

"Oh god, what is _in_ this?" Leon gasped as he choked.

"Did I say ale? I meant moonshine. Well, close as. Gwaine and I cooked it up ourselves."

"Ugh, I can feel my soul trying to escape my body. What the hell did you use?"

"Turnips. Weren't gonna waste good apples, were we?" Percival shrugged offhandedly.

"This was not a sober decision, was it?" Leon's lips twitched.

"Not entirely, no."

"Whatever you did it's not fit for human consumption." He took another swig. "Strong though."

Sir Percival raised his own mug, "Priorities mate. Priorities."

Leon chose one of the chairs by the small table. "Did I just agree to what I think I agreed to?"

Percival sank to the bed, "If it's the same thing I did, then yeah. Yeah you did; without fighting it. Why did you?"

"Spoke to Prince Arthur earlier in the week. Then Merlin after; he found me… distressed. Did some thinking, both before that, and following the encounter."

"And?" Percy stayed as still as he could, and Elyan was focused on the answer alone.

"I realised what the king had turned me into. Every man has demons, and sometimes they have faces. There are things I've done that seemed wrong then, but for the right ultimate purpose; instead he made me a monster. Arthur was different. More inclined to show mercy, or weigh the justice. I was the mindless murderer children were taught to avoid outside the 'safe' city walls, to run from. Merlin saw me in a state I'm not proud of, and forgave me. Explained what the _figure_ of me meant to to the lonely child in Ealdor, just so that I could understand what he meant when he forgave me the horrors. Who does that Percival? What makes a man so willing to risk his life without even thinking it through? When I became a knight I wanted to defend my people, serve my king faithfully, rescue fair maidens heroically. I knew I'd have to fight, have to kill, but not like Uther commanded us. Not with brutality. Not children."

Percival's face was a mask of deep pain as he answered softly. "That's it. You answered your own question Sir Leon. He never _expected_ to live. My friend has lived every day making no long term plans, carefully avoiding attachments that would endanger people because his life was a fleeting gift that he expected to lose at any moment. He had already given it up in many ways before he came here and began to be drawn in, trapped by things that tied him firmly to _this_ world. The prospect of his brutal or humiliating death is a more familiar one to him than a pretty partner and a cheerful hut. That is not an overnight lesson but one he learned thoroughly as a child, or he would be dead by now."

Leon's eyes were wide, and his hands shaking as the stress of the council began to wear off and the rest of him began to catch up. "The scar. The neckerchief. You saw- and he still accepts it as some twisted 'normality'."

Percival drank some of the vile rotgut with a grimace, "For him it is, Leon. What else could it be? He may be the only one like him, but he isn't the only one growing up alone with _that."_

Leon looked up brokenly, having spent his composed self in the council room. "The things I've done… That's why. Those who were taught these things lose themselves as well, our integrity, our sense of right and wrong. The survivors are not unharmed, even if the scars don't show on their skin." He swallowed hard against the bile that tried to rise again. "What about you Elyan? Had quite the hissy fit in there, for you. Oh my god, you should see Merlin full flounce!" He suddenly realised what he was saying and cut off. "You still said yes to Prince Arthur when he called." The oldest knight watched him curiously and Elyan stared into his possibly-deadly liquid, "Who else would I follow." He said quietly. "They weren't wrong, you know, with any of it. Camelot's not the only place on the brink of war, or the only one to have an evil sorceress or two, and Prince Arthur's the only decent leader I've met yet. He's a good man with a good heart. He cares for his people, not just his coffers. Gwen loves him. He loves her. Morgana is coming back, and her followers will be harder to identify if it is legal to use magic. I've been around though there's men who will fight for the sake of fighting, and there's men who will fight for land, she's not picky about which weapons they use. To fight for someone who tries not to cause pain to the common man, that's a rare privilege. I don't trust Merlin anymore. I suppose Leon's known him longer, but that's also longer to convince him of not being a threat."

Leon glared accusingly at his mug as he was slower than usual to respond, "Fair enough. Gwen was his first friend here. Before he even became a servant. He declared what he was after mere weeks, to the full council, to save her when she was arrested for witchcraft the first time. I remember Arthur knocking seven bells out of someone and complaining about brass necked stupidity, and they were closer to enemies than friends then. It was odd, but then they still weren't friends, or even _friendly_ exactly when Merlin drank poison in front of a full banquet to save him- at Uther's command. Something changed that day, and I am very glad it did. I remember what things were like while you were away. Your sister can verify it if you doubt my words. You cannot be half committed to this Elyan. All or nothing, as always. The king in waiting has determined his course, and it is our job to do as we're told, not rule."

"But what if he is making it up? Claiming things that are untrue."

Percival took another swig, "Then I doubt they'd have invited Lord Geoffrey."

"Mm. Yes. He's old enough to remember better than anyone what happened to start off this Purge and how it unfolded, and is hardly a sociable man." Leon added.

Gwaine sauntered in cockily, "Oh, I don't know. Lord Geoffrey is a riot if you feed him enough mead. And the most cunning bastard in the five kingdoms. Oi, Percy is that _my_ rotgut you're feeding them?"

Percival grinned wickedly. "Maybe."

"What the hell did they do to deserve that you heartless prick? God it'll kill a man not used to it. At least have the decency to use yours, it tastes of something more than fire."

"So does yours."

Gwaine stabbed a finger at the huge man, "Aye, but not something that you should ingest, and yours is guaranteed not to make anyone blind… where's my mug?"

Percival chuckled, "Here. You though, you're on a _limit,_ I'm not explaining your needless demise to Emrys when he's sleep deprived."

"Cmon now Perce, don't be mean, and when has he ever been scary to you?" Gwaine cocked an eyebrow at his quiet friend.

"I have rules about not biting the hand that feeds me so literally. Especially if that hand also has access to the tonics Merlin does. Chance it if you want."

"Some hands don't mind biting" Gwaine winked.

" _Mine do_ as you well know you degenerate ass."

He grinned, "You're an innocent and pure hero Sir Percival. Upstanding and wholesome and-"

"Shut up Gwaine, drink your poison."

"Good plan. The best plan, probably. Definitely better than some other plans." The knight shook his head in dismay.

Leon's eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Uhuh. Which plans."

"Oh, just the plans where enemies are introduced on better terms by a shared best friend." Gwaine rolled his eyes. "You do remember a little trouble with a flying beastie a while back. Big, stubborn, nasty case of heartburn. Well, in light of our recent cosy get-to-know-each-other shit, _Merlin_ thought it was about time they pair met without attempting to murder each other." He grimaced as he threw back the alcohol.

"Why? I mean you can't _murder_ something that isn't human, can you?" Leon said shakily.

Gwaine shook his head again, trying not to show despair or anger for a genuine misunderstanding. "That there is a prime example of what may stand in the way of reconciliation. Dragons, like other creatures of magic, have a _voice._ They have thoughts, feelings, self awareness. Names. You absolutely can murder a 'non-human' as you say. Best not to say it too loudly around Merlin either. Any of you make _him_ feel like a monster, and Arthur and I will make you wish you had never met him."

Percival brought a heavy hand down on Gwaine's shoulder, "Ok, and if you're done being defensive there?"

"For now." He shook his head to try and clear it.

Elyan watched them together, finally identifying why the room felt _wrong_ , "Where is Lancelot."

Gwaine's mouth pulled to the side slightly. "He has somewhere to be. Don't worry about _him_. Lance has had longer than any of us to come to grips with this, and the possible ramifications, he doesn't need to get rat-arsed with us. I'm fairly certain his version was done with Merlin a long time ago, when all of this was still new to _him too._ It's not what any man would choose." His smile fell away.

"Except you it seems." Leon said quietly.

"What can I say? I love bad odds and live for the rush. Besides, it's a bit late now to decide I'll fuck off and leave them to face it alone. I mean I _could._ There's lands I still haven't seen yet, but I just can't go before I've settled my tab with Freda at the Rising Sun, you know?"

Leon huffed lightly, "So this thing with you and Merlin is?"  
"Exactly that. Mine and his. So you bunch of fishwives with tongues hinged in the middle will have to find some other poor bugger to con for vicarious thrills and salacious tales. I highly recommend Violet in the laundry or Edith in the marketplace, the baker's eldest."

Percival raised his eyebrows and shot Gwaine a warning look that he was giving too much away.

"Fine. I've been teaching him to fight. The way he should have been taught when he started going out with patrols, so that he doesn't _have_ to defend himself with illegal magic if he's in a situation it would be seen, or take the knife again."

The blonde laughed warmly, the last comment too quiet for anyone to hear, "Oh he's come a long way. Didn't even know how to throw a proper punch when he first got here."

Gwaine shrugged, "He was a farm boy who was raised a bastard in a village that was routinely raided. He knew how to swing. So what you want to ask yourself is why he didn't do it properly _then._ Doesn't matter now, but don't kid yourself Sir Leon. A man who's never been in a fight before doesn't face down a mace without breaking, magic or no magic. He couldn't exactly fling the prince into a wall or throw fireballs or some shit, even if he was the type to enjoy hurting folk. Percibal- Percy _val_ , top me up please."

Elyan snorted, his own head warm and fuzzy from the vile drink, "Alright. Say we _do_ trust Merlin, where do these Druids fit in? How does that work? I mean they just turn up uninvited and we immediately let them listen to meetings?"

Gwaine and Percival looked at each other guiltily, "Er, no. Not exactly. They've been here a few days, under glamours. That'sh when you pretend and appear differently. Just their clothes. 'S'why they're less grumpy'n'tired. More hands to help th' physician. Geoffrey knows one of them. 'T'other checked out too. Would be stupid to just let some random men into a secret planning meeting, wouldn't it. An' Arth'r n Mererlin aren't stupid, are they 'Yan?"

Elyan fought back the desire to slap the drunk idiot before him, "No Gwaine. They are not stupid. Of course the men have been cleared first."

Gwaine's eyes abruptly cleared, "Excellent. Now we've agreed on one very important feature, well two, if you count caution with the lives of others- should I count that? Probably. Percival can keep count. No, No, it's not him who likes list, who likes lists… Arthur! Arthur likes lists! Do you like lists Leon? You seem like you would. Maybe not the same ones, useful things though. I have a list of things we need to do, I always forget to write it down though, and ink doesn't travel well. I wonder how long man will have to wait before someone remembers to invent a travelling quill and inkpot that doesn't immediately break-"

Percy clipped him around the ear again, "Focus Gwaine, You're rambling... again."

"You're right, we need food for this. Leon, where can you get food at this time?"

"Yes Leon, food. At this time, or should _I_ go and check your 'empty' chambers, or Percy here?"

The blonde knight blanched, standing quickly, "I'm going already, and you'll owe me."  
"You drank my rotgut."

Leon shuddered, "Yet another thing you owe me for Sir Gwaine."

"Thank you Sir Leon for keeping track so I don't have to." Gwaine grinned cheekily at the older man as he huffed an insult under his breath.

Elyan stared at the pair as Leon left the room. "So all those times we were drinking together and relaxing you were acting?"

"Oh no, most of those times were entirely legitimate, genuinely hammered Gwaine, but you can't deny it's a useful skill to have."

Elyan watched the man he had never questioned, "Apparently so. You're not very impartial about Merlin you know."

Gwaine shrugged. "Few people are… He's a bit like fennel. Love or hate."

"And you…" Elyan paused.

"Don't hate him. No. Or Prince Arthur. Morgana on the other hand _does_ and it has so far blinded her to his extra skill-set, which has given us several advantages in battles with her. When that lifts, we will gain a great deal, and have some _major_ advantages in battle over our current position, but she won't underestimate us as severely, so we are going to _need_ the reinforcements that only Merlin's men can offer. There are other factors, but you really need to grasp _now_ that either we all come together now and bind, or we crumble and split apart. I like you Elyan, but my life belongs to my king and Merlin- oh, and you may want to remember that he is as close to a King of the Druids as they ever get, just in case you wanted to say anything poisonous in front of anyone of that sort. The pair of Catha priests are still rather in shock at not bowing or addressing him 'properly'. It's almost cute. You know, if trained Old religion warrior-priests, armed to the teeth can be cute."

Elyan cocked his head, "Alright, I'm still worried, So many things could go wrong, but I'll help, and behave myself. Use my best manners and everything."

"Even if it doesn't seem to make sense to you?" Percival pinned him with the unnerving stare Gwaine still hated.

"Even then." Elyan answered seriously.

Percival nodded, still watching every flicker in Elyan expression, smiling slowly when he seemed to find what he was looking for. "Good. Ah, and the food is here. Excellent."

Leon returned with bread, a soft cheese, and some apples. No one believed the line of him getting hungry during the night.

It was a long time and some very painful realisations before all the men except one found their way to their own beds, each quite authentically drunk.


	55. Chapter 55

Merlin opened the door to find a lump snoring, sprawled across his bed, a jug of something on the table, and bread.

Not particularly appealing but definitely better than his usual forgetting and falling into bed. He smiled, having honestly expected to find an empty room. Sure, it looked more like a tavern backroom, stuff knocked over, and the man hadn't changed out of his clothes, but he was there, boots at the end of the bed indicating he wasn't planning on going anywhere.

Whatever was in the jug was undrinkable, so Merlin fixed it, opting for cider to soften the bread left out a little too long. The downside to having bedmates he was finding, was the space they took up. It still was well worth it if they kept even some of his nightmares at bay.

The chamber was illuminated by early dawn light when Merlin woke up groggily, finding himself pinned solidly by a ridiculously heavy muscled arm and leg. How people without magic ever managed to escape such situations was a mystery to him. Let alone without waking someone.

"Gwaine? Gwaine! It's morning."

There was a long groan of protest, "E's dead. Go 'way."

Merlin frowned, "No. It's my room anyway."

"No. No mornin'" the unfortunate man denied, fruitlessly hiding his face deeper into the mattress.

"Stop being an arse. The sun does not need your permission to bloody shine."

"Might need y'rs. Turn it down love?"

Merlin rolled his eyes in exasperation, "No you git. I will not _dim_ the sun just because you gave yourself a hangover. If you are very, _very_ good, I'll abuse my magic to make it all go away, but you'd have to actually be moving about. Deal?"

"Can't move. Dead."

"Oh for fucksake…"

Merlin dragged hands down his face and managed to struggle upright as Gwaine helpfully shifted his arm from its place draped over his chest. "Fine. At least you moved _something._ " Solely for his own sanity Merlin shoved him over hard and muttered the hangover solving spell. The effect was instantaneous as Gwaine jerked upright, clear eyed.

"Bloody hell mate, what did you _put_ in that?" The sound of his sleep hoarse voice was soothing despite the words.

Merlin half smirked "Irritation."

"Aye, it _felt_ like a slap in the face alright." Gwaine's hand went to his forehead.

"Not intentional but you deserve it for snoring like a boar." Was the unsympathetic response.

Gwaine frowned, "Sorry. Should I have stayed away?"

Merlin groaned. "No. Sorry. You even kept the nightmares at bay. I just- It's so much easier to hide, and I can't now. I always thought not living in secret would be better, but now I'm not fully one _or_ the other, and there's even more pressure. I feel guilty for Gwen's choice, if I wasn't here she'd get her happy ever after with Arthur and he'd be loved…I hate costing them that happiness."

His knight growled, blankets pooling at his waist as he sat up, "If you weren't here he would never have grown to be someone she could love in the first place Merlin."

The warlock grunted an acknowledgement rather than argue, it was true.

"I'm used to it being the other way around after a tough night. Leaving Arthur settled in his bed, his having someone to soothe his soul. Then sneaking out alone to do whatever destiny demands. Coming home alone exhausted or heartsore, to an empty room. It's so different. I guess I never had a plan for anything here aside from Destiny, and that had narrowed… the weight and breadth of everything was too much to handle alone."

"Aye, but you were never meant to have to do it that way. The Great dragon is shit at explaining things to a human sensibly. I bet if he'd said it to another dragon they'd have understood; and your humans were insecure and a bit rubbish in a lot of ways. Even me. The ones who could have explained most of all. You had to keep us all standing long enough to notice we fucked up. _Or_ maybe you did it exactly the way Destiny wanted things to unfold and it just didn't line up with your own plan. Ugh, do you have any mint? My mouth tastes like a midden."

Merlin grimaced, "There's tooth powder on the shelf. Rosemary I think. Benefits of sleeping with a physician."

Gwaine flashed him a genuine smile, "One of many." Leaning in he was met with the warlock dodging, "Go, No kisses for you until you _don't_ taste like a sewer." Rolling out of bed reluctantly, "That's fair… but only for the one Percy and I made ourselves."

Merlin laughed, having heard their original scheming to master brewing or distilling without having to pay for their ale. "You managed it?!"

Gwaine grimaced, "We made it very _effective._ As to _taste-_ suffice to say paying for your ale is worth the coin."

Merlin cackled, "Serves you both right." Watching as the man finished at the wash basin he quieted, drawing a concerned look from Gwaine as he turned around, "Merlin?"

Dark blue eyes met his, "Thank you. For the food. For- For everything." His voice low and serious, "I don't know what I'd have done with half these things without _this."_

Merlin looked away embarrassed as he admitted it, feeling vulnerable, weak in a way he'd avoided for a long time.

Gwaine watched and shook his head. "Isn't that what friends do? Hold each other up? Save lives? Help each other?"

Merlin shot a mocking look at his lover, "Not usually quite like that, no. Only the crazy ones."

Gwaine nudged him, "What about the ones with thrill issues?"

Merlin nodded seriously, "Them too."

"Honour's all mine mate. I always knew you were special." winked Gwaine.

Merlin snorted, "Cheesy line, but lucky for you I don't mind used seconds as much as some maidens."

"Good, because the _second_ hand ship sailed a long time ago." retorted his knight.

"Yeah. I'm more of the practice makes perfect philosophy, spells don't always work _perfectly_ the first time after all, I'm all for practising skills until you get them right…"

Gwaine arched a brow, "Is that right?"

"Definitely." grinned Merlin, this time closing the distance between them,

"How well shielded would you say this room is?" Murmured Gwaine, earning a gleeful look from his lover; "Oh, much better than yours. Might need to test it though."

Aware of their time constraints this time the man checked the window for an idea of the time. "We really don't have long love."

Merlin frowned, glancing in the same direction and smirking, "I'm up for the challenge if you are, we only don't have time if you want to prove stamina; some guy I know suggested using magic though and I _really_ want to try that." He watched Gwaine's face carefully, still slightly worried that less familiar magic would be crossing a line, breathing again when instead of horror a slow smile curled his lips into an open smile.

"Well in that case consider me a willing victim for your experiments."

Trusting that Gwaine would let him know where any boundaries were Merlin took him at his word, deciding to see just how well his shields worked when he allowed his magic some freedom.

Merlin was rather proud of still managing to show up on time for work and quest, clean and in the 'Emrys' costume- not costume, it only felt that way. At least he had grown used to the basic weapons and coat. Not yet the ritual knife that he carried in a sheath that didn't _exactly_ fit but would work until he could have a proper one made.

Unfortunately, after being woken up daily by Merlin for years, Arthur was not fooled and spent the time before finishing breakfast teasing his servant for the slightly glazed look and his temporary return to atrocious coordination. Merlin put up with it on the basis that Gwen had made the choice that stung the night before, wounding both Arthur's heart and his pride, however anticipated it was.  
He didn't actually mind taking some of the backlash from that as it was in many ways due to his continued presence that she was unwilling to sacrifice so much, for him to finally have _someone_ was plain bad timing as it highlighted the lack of such in Arthur's own life at a time when he needed it. Yet Merlin couldn't help but consider that maybe it would be useful to the man to spend at least a little time making his choices independently, to learn to trust himself as Merlin had had to do a long time ago. The knights knew Arthur was capable, a strong king to be, but his father had been in the back of his mind all his life, whispering doubts and conflict. Maybe concentrating on resolving his own issues and supporting a woman through the transition from low nobility to queen would have been too much. Trusting Destiny was not something he could _just do_ anymore, and he felt the weight of a priest's knife disproportionately as he considered what to do. There was something preying on his mind that had been since Isildur first raised it, and he wasn't sure how to ask. How does one ask how to pray, or commune with a goddess, or gods, when whole orders expect you to lead ceremonies? It would cause chaos surely! All he could think of was trying to go to a sacred place and see if anyone important paid attention. He could have sworn he heard warm laughter then, but his reverie was broken by Arthur's voice calling, his thumbs snapping inches from Merlin's face.

"Oh for the love of Camelot, you _cannot_ be this useless today, what on earth were you thinking of, I've been trying to rouse you for five minutes- that's _your_ job you idiot, not _mine._ You at least brought breakfast I suppose, that's something. Don't smile, it's not a compliment to be meeting less than the minimum standard to not be fired by remembering prince's require sustenance."

Merlin shrugged easily, "You already fired me remember? There's people looking for a replacement and everything. You can't double-fire someone, unless you invent it as an official punishment I suppose. How would it even work though, I mean, does that mean I don't get the last pay- because Gaius actually needs that to have Mum staying with him. Damn, should've thought of that… Arthur can I have a pay rise, for needing two rooms? Mum isn't being paid, and I'm still having to send some back to Ealdor unless she decides to give up the place there-"

Arthur rubbed his temples. "Merlin shut up, I'm _dying_ here, my head feels like it's about to explode, and _you_ won't stop rabbiting on."  
Merlin paused and knelt to properly examine the man, noting the usual signs, obvious dehydration, slightly bloodshot eyes…  
"Arthur, you _Prat!_ You _knew_ we had to leave early, where did you even get any drink?"

Arthur rolled his eyes and winced, "Drinks cupboard of course. I couldn't sleep after the great dragon. Don't look so surprised. Just because he's _your_ family doesn't make him cosy and less terrifying after our last meeting. Nightmares, the you-nightmare again. You were there when we fought him. I was hurt, after Sir Leon. Then you were there and he was gone. I'd never seen you like you were that night, but you weren't afraid like the rest of them. Should have known."

Merlin sighed. "So you decided wine was the answer? Clotpole. No, No I wasn't afraid, because I was already a bit numb from grief over- over Balinor- and tormented by guilt, and I was _angry,_ I was so, so _angry._ I didn't have room for fear. I went out expecting to kill him Arthur. Not every son inherits, especially not the unworthy. I was sure there was no way I'd have control of him… and when I got there I just couldn't do. Something clicked into place, and he became calm. Still. He felt my fury and submitted anyway. _That_ frightened me. Kilgarrah literally cannot hurt anyone, because I forbade it. If his existence becomes known, I suspect I may have to modify it to 'only in self defence when a human attacks'. I'm sorry I stopped you sleeping. Would you rather have the morning after potion or the spell for your self inflicted misery?"

Arthur grimaced; "The spell. Very definitely the option that doesn't taste like marshwater."

"As you wish _sire."_ Merlin touched a hand to his temple, and let the magic flow into the right places.

The prince sighed, "Thank you. Now if you _don't mind_ I will require appropriate clothes, and essentials"

Merlin turned to organise what was needed, not fully convinced by the explanation of early morning drinking, but not cruel enough to question it.

Without turning around he opted for distracting rather inane chatter to allow the prince some peace, "Speaking of marshwater, it seems that Sirs Percival and Gwaine fed the others some of their homemade rotgut last night, under the guise of it being fit for human consumption."

Arthur choked, "Well, we'll see how many survived the night when they turn up at training."

Merlin shook his head, "I doubt it. Sir Leon joined them. Don't worry sire, I'll have mum deliver them some morning after so that they don't screw up their tasks today, she's enough to put the fear of the goddess into anyone."

"Aye. I suspect she'd have to be, to stop you spinning out of control. I'm guessing you still had tantrums as a little kid, and demanding episodes as a youth."  
Merlin's lips pressed together. "Not exactly the way you're thinking for the latter one there, but it's a valid point. I honestly don't know how we are both still breathing."  
Technically it was true given his own rather unique abilities.  
Arthur hummed, "Where is the trouble maker?"

"I believe Lord Geoffrey is asleep sire."

The prince sighed in long suffering exasperation, "Not that one you idiot - and you are here. The other one."

Merlin pretended confusion for Just long enough for the muscle in Arthur's jaw to twitch before caving, "Oooh, Gwaine is down at the stables. Waiting. Patiently… ish."

"Waiting for what?" Arthur's brow wrinkled in anticipation of another shot of bad news and Merlin returned his sigh, "Us, you prat. He's not _that_ stupid."

Arthur nodded absently, "I sent him by the armoury to get the weapons required for hunting, he doesn't mind doing some servant's work."

The prince rolled his eyes, "Yes, well I imagine he finds the rewards well worth it."

"Oi! Gwaine helped when he shouldn't have before that, don't devalue what others offer willingly. Ass." Realising his glare wasn't entirely feigned, Arthur forced out an apology, not wanting to start his last day with a pissed off warlock servant. Ex-servant.

"Somewhere in your pointless ramble earlier you raised the matter of pay. Leave it with me, I'll see that your mother is recompensed for any work she undertakes in the citadel. Your own is _complicated._ By rights you are of a noble bloodline that held some significant lands, and I suspect there is more in the vaults you've a blood right to. It's actually going to need working out with more energy than I have to spend on that right now. You've no need to be concerned about living in the castle though. You've been a part of my household for a long time, and I should have been clearer about the implications. I always forget you were raised far from any court or proper town. Until such a time as the king _commands_ I have an obligation to you for adequate shelter and food- though the interpretation is left entirely to the individual master. You seemed content in your arrangement with Gaius."

Merlin resisted the urge to clout the man and counted to ten for patience, like his mother used to do. "I was. When circumstances changed you kept your obligations with a very _generous_ interpretation _sire."_

"You can't tell me it hasn't been useful, despite that unintentional accommodation." Arthur raised a brow, daring Merlin to contradict him, instead getting a half smile, "Then I won't, but please, please don't take away Gwaine's barracks. I'd kill him… and that would be unfortunate."

Arthur snorted, "I wouldn't inflict that on anyone. Even someone as irritating as you."  
Merlin smiled as he adjusted the mail and began to buckle on armour, "I have to stop by Gaius' on the way, he has a list I need, and Finian should be with the horses but it's more efficient just to check on the way than have to come all the way back up if he's late… If that suits you." Merlin blushed at giving Arthur uninvited directions in a different dynamic, expecting a flash of frustration. Actually the prince was rather pleased that Emrys was beginning to shrug off the superimposed habits, he'd need to if he was to lead any council or order. Not that he could exactly _say_ that, but he hoped the other man understood. For all the secrets, they'd always been pretty good at conveying messages without exactly the right words.

"Don't be late." He looked pointedly at Merlin, who took the dismissal and left quickly.

As soon as the door closed behind him Merlin slumped against the wall to try and calm tightly coiled nerves, to still the trembling in his hands.

Of all days today seemed fair to be nervous. It was one of the few transitions he had actual warning of, and that in itself was nerve wracking, it was one of the few _conscious choices_ he had made in this twisted road of Destinies and was weighing on him.

There was no time to delay though, and Isildur was likely already waiting for them in the woods.

Swinging quickly down the stairs and through the halls, he listened at Gaius door before bringing his hand to his face, of course he wouldn't hear anything through his wards. Tapping the door produced an instant reaction, a cloaked Catha in full ceremonial dress opened it; looking far more like a high priest or son of the old religion than Merlin ever could, he was certain. Solemn. As though they were about to undertake some great and holy act. In a way, he supposed, they were.

The warlock was sure that anyone else would be able to see it too. He was unsure whether it was reassuring or more worrying that the Catha seemed to be taking it as seriously as he himself was. Swallowing back his anxiety he managed a normal voice, "I need the list from -" Finian held it up. "Ah. Thanks. Is mum-"

"Lady Hunith will take remedies to everyone present last night and has a tea prepared for anyone in need of a very mild sedative. The King's treatment is ready for collection or delivery, I'd expect Lady Guinivere in person after last night- unless you think she'll be avoiding people?"

Merlin frowned, "I don't know. She's got nothing to hide, she gets on well with Mum, so with her knowing I'm away probably would come down… Too many variables."

Finian nodded calmly, "Well both ladies are very capable, I'm sure they can work it out. Is there anything else you need?"  
Running a hand through already ruffled hair Merlin huffed, knocked off balance by the greeting. "I- I just need to leave Gaius a message and we can go. Sir Gwaine is waiting and took down our supplies."  
Finian chuckled, "Not mine he didn't. I don't let anyone else interfere with those, they always put them back wrong."  
Merlin stepped past him into the Physician's quarters to make sure Gaius knew to wait for their return, and with a silent hug, that Merlin had allowed, and equally silent tears they had parted for the last time as 'just Merlin'. He was strangely grateful that his mother was doing the first morning deliveries and not there to say any kind of 'goodbye'.

"Alright then, let's go. Before Gwaine and the horses get bored and leave without us. Wouldn't put it past them really, especially when he's confident in my tracking skills." They moved quickly, without speaking further until they reached their meeting point, Gwaine smiled when he saw them, seeing exactly what Merlin had when he first opened his old front door.

Clapping the not-quite servant on the shoulder warmly in the way he would have before, "You made it. Where's the princess?"

"He's-"

Arthur rounded the corner at that moment, "Here, Sir Gwaine. Despite my manservant's absence I am, strangely enough, capable of getting from my chambers to my horse."  
The knight rolled his eyes but didn't comment on Arthur's demeanour. It was part of the reason they were taking the day in the first place, even if their trip had been shortened. "Llamrei is ready for you sire."  
The prince nodded, they had at least got the right mount, the familiarity was needed right now. Not that he'd admit his _feelings.  
_ _"Then_ what are you doing just standing blethering like fish wives for? Mount up and move out already."

Noticing their fourth he paused. "You ride?" he asked.

Finian shuddered, "When there isn't another way, yes."

"Then today you do. You can ride with Merlin. He has a _gentle_ mount."  
"No matter how you say it Arthur, that's never an insult. Is it girl?"  
He stroked the mare's nose and checked the straps, swinging up as Gwaine and Arthur did the same, and waiting the extra minute for Finian to follow. There was little in the way of warm up. This was unmistakably riding for a purpose, and as they got further from the citadel the men began to relax a little. Except Merlin, who couldn't quite forget about the imminent pain aspect. For all he'd endured worse, or so they had said, he was rarely expecting it, and tended to try and avoid that as a rule. Finian apparently felt the tension in him as he used the telepathic link most druids had to him.

" _Let go Emrys. Feel the magic of the earth and the air, let it ground you."  
_ _"How's that supposed to help?"_ At least the man hadn't spoken aloud, thought Merlin, he didn't fancy losing his dignity _again_ in front of Arthur.  
 _"It might distract you."  
_ _"From the Emrys thing? Or the pain thing? I seriously doubt it. Where are we going?"  
_ " _That depends on you. In theory it should be the Isle of the Blessed, but that's an overnight trip. Otherwise Kilgarrah's glen."  
_ " _And_ how _exactly does it depend on me?"_ Merlin's suspicion was easy to hear and Finian sighed, wishing again that Emrys' education hadn't been so neglected.

" _Well you can bend time to suit you on impulse. The transportation spells are difficult and draining, but can you do it with space. The places around you?"  
_ Merlin froze. He'd been frustrated for a long time by the transportation spells witches seemed so fond of, and always used enchanted necklaces or some such object for, and had gotten himself tangled up in the complicated instructions. This sounded so much simpler. To treat space the same way as time- which was supposed to be harder to do safely. Maybe that was what he had been doing with his pockets and chest…

" _I Think I could do it. Probably. Maybe not today though. Trying it sounds risky and I don't think the first attempt should be with four men and 3 horses."_ He frowned.

" _Later though. Definitely later."_

Gwaine looked over to check on the other two, noticing the glazed look and hoping the horse was paying better attention. "Right Princess, which way do you want to go?"

"Well it seems like a very bad idea for a Pendragon to go hunting on any sacred ground if we're trying to fix things."

"Fair point. So what? You want to peel off early or do it when we know he's got somewhere safely?"  
Merlin came out of the trance like state, blinking as he regained his bearings. "Isildur will meet us at the training ground. It's not a long ride from there to the valley., and the hunting is good between the two places. Just ask his permission and make sure nothing goes to waste."  
Gwaine looked at his friend, "Not _that_ close mate. Don't you do anything stupid."  
"Well do _you_ know of any other sacred places nearby in less than a day?"  
The knight frowned, glancing to Arthur, "Not usable ones, not really."  
"Then with your permission sire, I'd like to ride ahead when we meet him."

Arthur watched them, reading his friends body language. "I don't want you to do anything dangerous today Merlin You have permission on that condition only."  
The warlock grimaced, "You realise I don't actually _plan_ most of my dangerous encounters, right? _Most_ of them are because of following you lot."  
" _Merlin!_ I mean it. Not today."  
Merlin pouted, considering arguing, and seeing the real concern in Arthur's expression decided against it this once. "Fine. I'll try to avoid danger more than usual." He said sulkily, seeing the relief they tried to hide.  
The ride was quiet for the next half hour, when they began to approach the Druid training ground and Merlin twitched, trying to work out what was different, glad it went unnoticed by Gwaine and Arthur.

The wards seemed confused by Merlin approaching alongside Arthur, and only behaved when Isildur reached out to allow them, as Merlin didn't want to disrupt their protective wards.

As they slipped from the horses backs, three men instead of one approached, all bowing fully to Emrys, and partially to Prince Arthur. When he raised an eyebrow at it Isildur mimicked it, "You may be the Once and Future King sire, but you are not _yet_ King. When you are, and protect our people beyond not actively hunting us you will have our full respect."

Merlin cleared his throat awkwardly, "Isildur, why are there more of you than expected."  
The Druid smiled, "Your companions wished to hunt, and you are here to accept your true place. I thought it may be easier for you to relax if they were not travelling alone, without some sort of magical defence. Your focus will be required. I also took the liberty of speaking to the other Elders. They wish to make an offer. If you are so unfamiliar with some of the more standard ceremonies as it seems, they wish to show you. The Elderess especially wishes to speak to you. Each surviving settlement, of which there are extremely few, has a shrine, or Grove of its own. We would like to offer you ours, if you wish. It is hidden but close. Your friends may hunt outside the wards as long as they are respectful. Hunting itself is not wrong, even we do so for food, and the two who volunteered to accompany Prince Arthur and Sir Gwaine are our best, they enjoy the chase far more than you do."  
Isildir watched them carefully. "I would be glad for them to have some protection in these woods. Finian? You are the one most versed in what we are here to do. What do you think?"  
The older man nodded thoughtfully. "Show us the place you are offering, and I will give you my answer."  
"Arthur? What do you think?"  
He smirked, "that you just lost magic as an excuse for disliking hunting."  
Merlin rolled his eyes, "The other part, Prat."  
"Oh, yes, if Gwaine can remember to be respectful then we should leave. I assume the company is a condition of hunting on this land."  
"Yes, but also to sense any magical traps you'd wander obliviously into. That might rather spoil the day."  
"Oi, Princess, I know more about this kind of respect than you do." Retorted Gwaine.  
"Wonders never cease."

Arthur placed a hand behind Merlin's neck looking at him fiercely, in a way that Merlin thought unfair. "Good luck Merlin Emrys. Don't do anything stupid while we're gone. Idiot."  
Turning and stalking towards his horse.

Gwaine stood in the space left by Arthur, but instead leaned in to kiss him thoroughly, thrilling at the way Merlin pulled him in despite the presence of the druids. Moving a few inches back he jabbed a finger at the man, "I'm not gonna wish you good luck. You don't need it. You never have. Just remember that Emrys or not you aren't alone. I'll see you tonight. Hopefully with plenty of meat without you there trying to save them."

He winked and followed Arthur who was sounding strangled, "Really Gwaine, did you _have to?_ Now I'm stuck with images no one ever wants to see."

"Yes I did, Princess, and I know for a fact that you're wrong on the second point."

Arthur grimaced, "Still not keen on men kissing huh?" asked his knight.  
"Nope. I don't give a damn about _that._ Just family."  
Gwaine raised an eyebrow as question, and Arthur sighed, his friend wouldn't leave it alone without an answer. "God help me, but it's like seeing Morgana, and in spite of everything he's a cousin. Or do you want mental pictures of your sister?"  
Gwaine shuddered, "Reaction forgiven. Just don't expect me to stop."  
Wrinkling his nose in semi- mock horror Arthur snorted, he couldn't make rules about that without becoming too close to his father for comfort. "Are you ready to lose again Sir Gwaine?"

He grinned brightly "Never! Bring it on Princess." The four hunters left, discussing the best weapons for a particular target in a way Merlin himself could never be excited about, and only Isildur, Finian, and Merlin remained.  
The clearing around them was silent, calm, as though it was waiting for something.  
"Thank you Isildir, I know you must have reservations about allowing men of Camelot access and knowledge of the land around you."  
A weathered hand waved away the comment, "There must be first acts of trust on all sides. We cannot expect peace to form if no one is willing to take the first step, and Prince Arthur has acted in good faith, so we felt bound to do the same, though he will be aware that the men with them are also expected to give their opinion to the council. They are curious, and hopeful, and their primary purpose really _is_ the protection of your friends. Follow me." It was an unnecessary invitation as both Merlin and Finian had been following him already. "Ethel has been preparing antiseptic wash, and the healer has any herbs or honey you may need."

Finian chuckled, "I have my own tools, but I appreciate your help, and the wash would be useful if it's waiting."

Merlin was only half listening, he had managed to follow Finian's earlier suggestion for relaxation and was being drawn towards a place that felt different to the surrounding area. Without consciously meaning to he began walking that way unguided.  
"It seems you can find your own way young Emrys." Isildir chuckled.  
He looked back at them, "What did you say?"

"That your instincts seem to be in good working order. Seeing as you appear not to require a guide."  
Merlin blushed, "Why does it feel different here? Like its clean, fresh growth in the middle of a ruined crop."  
Isildur walked with him, "Magic flows in this world in channels, much like water in river systems, and like water there are springs that bubble up from deeper or in richer places. The spring which has enabled us to remain hidden in very small number here for so long goes deep. There are some who say that it is from Avalon itself, a link between the two worlds." Merlin swallowed convulsively as the druid continued, "Not that I believe it myself, but I don't think anyone has successfully traced where it goes yet."

He looked towards Finian to see if _he_ had noticed and received an almost invisible nod.  
Breaking through a natural looking living-arch of trees lay a bubbling pool, surrounded on three sides by alders. Noticing something odd at the apparent head Merlin approached silently and knelt, dipping a hand into the water and withdrawing it with a chuckle, shaking his head. He returned to the other two and smiled, "We'll stay. Thank you Isildur for your generosity and hospitality."

"What was that Emrys?" asked Finian quietly. "A message. The spring water is warm. This is the right place master Finian. This is where I am supposed to be."  
Nodding, the Catha man waved Isildur over, "Would it be a violation to use the water for cleansing before I begin?"  
His face was more open that Merlin had seen it before, with an air of suppressed excitement as he answered. "Not for this. Indeed I believe that may be a part of the goddess purpose for placing it here."

Finian opened his mouth and closed it again, apparently rethinking a comment, "Well then Merlin, you heard the man. We have little time for what must be done and a great deal to do. Strip, and immerse yourself. Maybe consider thanking the goddess for her gift of warmth while you're in there."

"Not sure the goddess has much to do with that really." Muttered Merlin under his breath, as he obeyed. Once he had accepted the conditions of not hiding his scars it was easy in a knight-free setting to revert back to his village-life mentality where nudity was no novelty. A body was only a body, and no one's was that special, as many a man had been told in humour or disgrace at the river.  
He _did_ however thank Freya when he waded in and the heat soaked into his muscles, and added an acknowledgement of the goddess on the side, just in case it _was_ her idea. However unlikely.  
When he emerged the two men were discussing the design the way he might have discussed a technique with Gaius, and had prepared well, laying down a roll for him to have part of it done. They were sat next to expertly mixed dyes, and alarming looking tools, which thankfully looked unused. Merlin knew bloodstains. They never quite washed out, and these bore none.  
He blew out a long breath, "Where do you want me?"

"Where you will be comfortable. This is going to take a while Emrys." The catha man smiled warmly, apparently mistakenly thinking it might be soothing."  
Merlin looked to Isildir, tilting his head, "You checked his designs?"

Isildir grinned, "There is nothing amiss Lord Emrys. I believe you will be _satisfied_ with the end result, though I doubt that there will be time to get as far today as master Finian hopes."

Merlin stifled a laugh, knowing their opinions on that by now. "Leave time to me. I suspect it may be pain level dependent." He grimaced.

"Here. Ethel brought you some honey biscuits. She claims they help, strange woman, no one is present but us though. Fewer if you wish."

Merlin swallowed, "No. I'd- I'd appreciate your presence. I don't think Arthur would understand… and Gwaine would stay if I asked, so I can't." He shook his head, "Just don't demand sensible conversation."

He faced Finian as he settled into an easy position for them both, "Do you need to draw the design on my skin first or will you do it freehand?"

Thin lips pursed in consideration, "We can do it either way. I prefer freestyle as it's easier to see, but if I was less experienced I would first trace it out."  
Merlin bit his lip, running a hand through his hair, "Then freestyle it is."  
The sharpened tip pressed against his flesh tickled for all of a minute, and then came a sharp wave of nausea as it pierced the skin over and over. Merlin realised with embarrassment that his eyes were watering and looked for distractions, tuning in to Isildir's voice as he spoke evenly, and his calm, calmed the warlock, before he realised he actually cared about what was being said.

"When the dragonlords before you sat for this their father or the head of their house would often remain with them. I've only seen a couple of true dragonlord tattoos so I'm curious to see yours, and quite honoured to be welcome to remain. Balinor's was one, he was a proud man, even to the end. Stayed with us for a little while too, of course there was no safe place to stay and he had to move on. You do have quite a collection of marks already, it's a good thing you have someone accustomed to working around battle wounds. I'm very good, but I can't say I've done exactly that often, you'll have a more artistic rendering and incorporation of your own skin with him doing it."

Merlin swallowed, managing finally to distance himself a little from the procedure, he did regret allowing them to start on his chest and wind around the top of his left arm.

"Do you have any yourself? Other than the obvious I mean."  
" _Stay still Merlin."_ Fin whispered mentally.  
"Oh I have my own. Only the one other though, after they added the details to the original one to show my position in the community. There's even a tragic love-story to go with it, but perhaps today isn't the time. We have few enough pure sacred places remaining. Let's not poison those."

Merlin smiled softly, "It's too late for _that,_ there has been a tragic love story here for a long time, unless the warm spring is a recent development. Freya did say that keeping track was difficult." He paused, looking curiously at the druid, "Isildur, I don't suppose this clearing grows strawberries in season does it?"

The weathered man started, "Yes. Yes it does Emrys. Why do you ask?", but Merlin was laughing, properly, as he looked towards the water. "You got me, you grew them better, but at least I tried love." When he stopped shaking, apologising to Finian for being a terrible subject, Merlin asked again "Isildir? Are there ever any roses?"

The man raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure you haven't been here before?"

Merlin closed his eyes, relaxing himself and beginning to feel fuzzy as the endorphins _finally_ kicked in, "Certain, absolutely certain, but She was here long before I knew I was coming, and she remembers."

He controlled his breathing at a particularly painful series of jabs.

"Will I need to learn to do these for others?"

"Yes." Answered both men at once; he didn't argue. At least he knew that this was done by personal choice, and he could honestly see the beauty in it. Thinking about it he wondered what Kilgarrah would think of the real thing, he cause looking forward to showing the sarcastic dragon. At least _he_ had no hang ups or advice against the practice.

"Will you teach me to do it well?"

Finian looked briefly up to his face and wiped the skin he was working on very gently "I would not have you do so any other way my Lord." This time instead of making him want to run it sounded like a normal acceptance.

"Thank you"

Their conversation faded away into an easy silence for a while, Isildir talking about various inanities whenever it began to seem at all strained, Merlin keeping track mostly by the position of the sun, despite its appearing to get stuck slightly in the mid afternoon. Despite his claims of expecting it to be simple Finian seemed surprised when Merlin made no sounds or demand they left, and they made swift progress. They gave him a couple of breaks, expecting him to decide he was done for the day, but each time he returned for another couple of hours. If he was going to do this he'd do it properly, after all, Emrys could hardly be doing just the bare minimum all the time, so if he was going to start claiming that title, he'd do it properly, not with doubt and look conflicted, even if he felt that way internally at times. By the end of the session he could watch the process calmly, which was a good start if he was going to be expected to learn that particular skill. In the end it was the Catha priest who put a stop to it, saying he didn't want to do any more in a day for infection risk, and promising he'd continue when they next had an opportunity. Liberally smearing him with augmented honey and covering the wound with a clean bandage.

When they left the sacred grove there was a handful of people waiting, as though expecting him, and he could _feel_ their joy rolling over him, taste it. One woman approached him with a cup of something hot and restorative which he took gladly. He sat down by the fire to wait for his friends' return from hunting, and listen to the stories that were told, which Isildir had assured him would not be about _them_ today. Allowing the camp to comfort him. It felt like a home in a way that Camelot didn't, and he didn't know what to do with that. Gwaine was right. He had time to experiment with the forest- man thing later. He was Arthur's for now, and that meant that everything he was, belonged to Camelot. A place he believed he might get to be proud of one day, instead of being proud just of _Arthur,_ and repeating 'Arthur is not his father' in an endless loop for his own sanity- and to stop him being murdered.

He wished they could stay overnight, and be involved in the late night campfire activities, as well as discuss things, but there was too much at risk, and he knew that when the knights did return his time would be up, and they would have to leave. So, once again, he forced himself to live in the moment and enjoy the respite, no matter how long it lasted, or how soon it ended.

Gwen sat with her sewing reflecting on her discussions with Lancelot. She was neither cruel, nor fool enough to jump straight into any relationship with him so soon, and thankfully he wasn't the type to push her. He had filled in some of the gaps of what she hadn't seen and his own earliest experiences with Merlin's magic, how close he'd been on occasion to telling them only to be stopped by some crisis or catastrophe.

It helped.  
After he left she'd been unable to sleep, and had given up hope of any by the time full dark had passed, deciding to make use of it and hope the activity distracted her.  
She wanted to speak to her brother urgently though.  
Like hell was she going to just let that play out how it would.

Merlin might have got her into trouble from time to time, but he had never _left_ like her blood brother. The girl left insecure when he abandoned her without warning or explanation had rebuilt everything without him, and when _that_ fragile world was battered, Merlin had been there to help. When Elyan finally returned she and Merlin had as many inside jokes as they'd once had; it was no longer her big brother who was a confidante, or a protector, his place had been taken by the other servant. Too much had happened in between times for them to recover the same sibling bond as had existed before. Most notably for both of them, Merlin had _been there_ when Tom was arrested, had seen it unfolding, including the tensions in the royal household, which all the other servants tried to stay well clear of. Merlin had been serving the man who _arrested_ Tom, and continued to, but he had said to his prince that it was wrong, which was as much as _volunteering_ for joining him in the cells if the wrong person overheard, and dangerous enough to say to Arthur. The pair were nowhere near as close then. Elyan was a skilled labourer, and a good smith. He had never faced the same dilemmas as a servant, even when in profound disagreement with mistress or master your position was not adjusted. He had certainly _accepted_ Merlin as the Prince's manservant and part of the rather intimate group, but his own guilt lay between them as an invisible obstacle. Merlin hadn't been cold to the man, or raised past actions, but in any situation that raised a disagreement between the two he would side with Gwen. Unless he had to choose between Arthur and her.

Gwen was OK with that exception.

What she was _not OK_ with was men allowing emotions to cloud their reactions the way some seemed to be doing. If she could set aside her own heartbreak at changed expectations to try and do what was best for everyone involved then her brother could damn well suck it up. Choices had consequences. Even unforeseen ones. Like missing your father's death and leaving someone else to comfort your sister. She had a blurry memory of Merlin asking what she would do to Uther if she could about that time and wondered if it had been less hypothetical than it had seemed. She had concerns of her own about the new 'druid' folk- they didn't seem like any druids she'd heard of, but if they had traced Hunith to her home village and chosen to protect rather than harm her it was a good indication that they were sincere in their claims to serve Merlin. Since his own loyalty was to Arthur- something that Gwen had not a shred of doubt of- she concluded that he could hold the new people accountable.

There had always been layers to Merlin, and as far as Gwen was concerned, his Servant layer was the least believable and most superficial. She had been the one to teach him the names for armour, it's supporting garments, appropriate care, and the absolute bare minimum of etiquette. He had had no idea about the chain of command, or rank within servants echelons. He had initially assumed that the segregated passages were a joke. She, like most, had for some time believed that the Prince liked the novelty and kept him primarily for entertainment value…

And to irritate Uther, who had, rather understandably, assumed that anyone serving at a feast must be a normal castle servant. Not present with their guardian on sufferance.

Every time she had got close to an answer or seeing the deeper layers he would redirect or shut down. As his best friend she had been privy to the 'farm boy' one, but aware that he never gave personal details in the stories he related, or mentioned any family. Eventually she stopped trying. Possibly the first step away from him she thought now. Gwen cursed the man for the extent of his avoidance. Perhaps it might have limited the damage if she had known just a little. He had to have known that she would not have reported his father for example. Didn't he? Had she really managed to convince those close to her that she supported Uther's zero tolerance policy? Was that why Morgana didn't trust her either? Maybe she did seem terrible, and when her Lady returned she had moved on to Arthur, highly anti magic at the time believing Morgana stolen by Druids. She must have seemed unsafe to both in her support of him then. How did Merlin do it, she wondered, and how did he live with allowing the persecution to continue… or pretending to be a shadow of himself...

Suddenly it fell into place that this was how others would analyse her declining to be Queen. It both saddened and satisfied a dark part of her that some would blame Merlin. It wasn't his fault, and it was. Guilt bubbled up at that thought. As his partner, now ex partner she supposed, she was well aware that the Prince was disinterested in men, it would almost have been easier if they had both just been gay, but then how little might have got done! Lovesick and mutually attracted, the pair would be easily locked into a world aside from the rest of Albion. The rest of them benefited from the two being tethered to more than only each other.

Either way, she was not going to be a guilt offering and spend a lifetime as a doll, if she tried she would grow to resent him and rebel. Camelot would need an heir, so it must also have a queen, but Gwen would have greater personal freedom as the first Lady advisor in years, be seen as herself or the sister of a knight rather than her entire worth hinging on the child she may produce. There were enough noblewomen she was certain who would be relieved to be married to someone who would not misuse them, or hurt them in anger. Most highly ranked women didn't _expect_ love in a marriage, they hoped for an amiable partnership. They often _expected_ to share their husband- admittedly not with Emrys, but the premise of a common knowledge mistress was at least similar.

Arthur would not use a woman or intentionally harm them, she just hoped he didn't give up on the value of love now that he also felt the pain it could bring.

She sighed, picking up the sewing and looking at it, visualising what she wanted.

The things she had designed were adequate for a higher station than Merlin held currently, but finding out what kind of position he would _actually_ hold had her tweaking the designs she had originally planned. When she was unexpectedly made a Lady from a servant there had been enough mocking due to her dresses and style for her to wish to spare him. Her friend would absolutely hate embellishments of course, but they were coded and subconscious messages to others, an armour in it's own way really. She'd do him something simple in high quality cloth, but if was going to stand next to Arthur as an equal in front of the stuffy Lords and Ladies, he couldn't _look_ like a servant. Not even the personal servant of a regent or a king. She smiled sadly, shaking her head, wondering what the boy she'd met in the stocks would have thought about it all. Completely unaware it would seem of any 'Destiny'. As she considered it Gwen concluded that neither of them had been anywhere near ready for such responsibility back then.

They had still been boys in many ways. Not anymore, both had grown into compassionate men, with an inner strength that had not yet been tested when they first met, and without the bond that it seemed was necessary for whatever they were supposed to achieve.

Gwen smoothed down the front of her dress, restraining the impulse to tuck her hair behind her ear, neatly held back already.

She'd rather not have to deal with Uther today at all, but he drained emotional energy on a _good_ day. If she waited until evening she'd not have it in her to deal with her brother.  
Having dropped by Gaius' she had picked up Uther's myriad required concoctions from a worried looking Hunith and stayed for the little time she could. Long enough to know that Hunith had already stopped by the knight's quarters and that the morning after tonic had had time to work.  
Chapping the door loudly she waited for him to answer it, and as soon as the door opened a crack swung it open and strode in, coming to a stop in front of her brother, who seemed surprised at her appearance. Especially the furious look in her eyes, and stance bordering on aggressive with her hands planted on her hips, much the way Merlin- Then the explosion came.

" _Sir_ Elyan, what in Camelot's name do you think you are doing? Do you have _any idea_ what that man has sacrificed? What he has done for me? How _dare you!_ How bloody dare _you_ say those things. When we were reunited it wasn't by _your_ intention, but by _hers._ I was kidnapped, and you were the only good thing in that godforsaken place, but don't you think for a second you can tell me that you were actively looking for a way to return to Camelot, let alone for _my sake._ When you were being bait, trapped there with me, where do you think Merlin was? Doing what?" She narrowed her eyes to slits. "He. Was. Looking. For. _Me. On purpose._ He was the only one who knew about Morgana, and he walked willingly into a fucking trap to _save me._ He didn't _have_ to come. It was a choice, and yeah, he would have gone just to keep Arthur safe, but if I wasn't there, it would have hurt him less and I knew it then. That was my choice, then. To chase my own happiness knowing I was hurting my best friend, and he didn't let anything happen to me. I don't know what happened between the witches and Merlin in Fyrien _, but I know for damn sure that he is the only reason we walked away from that day._ Whatever happened it was not in their they did not account for him then they did not know of him, because don't you think they'd want someone powerful on _their_ side? Morgana wasn't playing with us, intending to let witnesses run back to tell Uther. You are my brother, Elyan and I love you, but right now I am disgusted. You do not get to judge _my_ friends for mistakes they made before you ever met them. Merlin IS my friend, despite what lies between us right now. Every time I have needed him he has been there, without fail, and that's a hell of a lot more than can be said for you. So whatever _this_ nonsense is, _get over it._ Fast. Merlin screwed up. I agree, completely. He's got a lot to make up for, and a hell of a lot of explaining to do- he's not the only one by the way. Really, unless you plan on taking on half the round table, Prince Arthur, Lord Geoffrey, Gaius, and apparently some kind of sorcerer elite fighters it doesn't make much sense to distrust and punish only Merlin." She sighed, frustrated and weary. "Did I mention his mother is here?" She smiled too sweetly at her older brother, "Just in case there are any questions you wanted to ask."

She reached out to touch his arm, seeing his ashen pallor. "Elyan, I forgave you for abandoning us a long time ago. You were young yourself, and I guess you must have had other reasons an eleven year old doesn't understand. It was the thing that brought me to the castle actually, Dad not being able to afford to keep the forge in a central place with only him working, and without mum there was already too few hands. I was lucky, Morgana was still fairly new, and happened to be looking for a maid at the same time I was looking for decent work. If you'd stayed I might never have ended up doing it, or this. Funny the turns life takes. I don't hate you for what you did, and most of the time I don't resent it… but you don't get to be pissy that someone took on the responsibilities and rights you walked away from. Or that I support the man who did.

That man, arsehole that he is, is the closest thing I had to a male relative for years here, Dad died and it was him who dug the grave with me. So if you have a problem on this scale with Merlin, you have a problem that big with _me._ Is that clear enough for you?"

Elyan watched his little sister in awe, wondering where she learned to challenge someone with confidence and demand they hear her. "Yes Gwen. That's- I need to think. I can't turn off the caution, the witch screwed up my ability to do that for good, I think; but I won't cause any problems, and I can accept he's at least not with our enemies. That was perhaps unfair of me."

"You think?!" Gwen rolled her eyes at the reluctant admission.

"You want me to apologise don't you." Elyan scowled.

She folded her arms and glared at him, "Elyan, if you don't, I promise you will not be receiving any food from the cook that is neither carbonised, nor dangerously undercooked. The choice is absolutely yours, but yes, an apology is non negotiable. You are only avoiding the slap _he_ got because I've had the chance to calm down. Sort of."  
"What happened when we left?" Elyan asked, he'd been worried about Gwen after they left, despite that fact he wouldn't have thought about it two days earlier.  
"I spoke with them about the most important parts. You have training to get to, and a job to do, and I have to go and care for the king."  
"I don't know how you do it, Gwen. Or how you stay so good."  
"I do it because it is the right thing to do. He was a brutal king, but he is a broken and sick old man, without someone to care for him. That is his own doing, he absolutely deserves it. To suffer as he made others do, and die alone, but if I saw it and delighted in his pain and suffering I would be like him. He would win, by making me like him, and I would carry on the legacy of bitterness and hate. He has already turned his daughter to that. It's why she is not the one at his side now and only in hallucinations organisation memory. I will _never_ allow him to twist me into the one thing I hate. I stay good _because_ I refuse to let the worst parts of the past control me Elyan. I can't make that choice for you, but you can. If you _want_ to. I'm hardly the only one from last night in a similar position, but I'm going to be late if I don't go right now. Think about it Elyan. I'd rather not lose you again." Guinivere hugged him quickly and left, with one troubled look back towards him in the doorway. Elyan tried to show his sincerity, but he knew Gwen would wait for action from him, having grown distrustful of promises made in the moment from years watching Court machinations.

"You won't."

She nodded and left, Elyan standing still rather stunned as the door closed behind her.


	56. Chapter 56

55

Their companions moved silently, clearly expert trackers, and even Arthur was impressed with their efficiency or movement, they didn't just know the landscape, they knew the _land_ , seeming to anticipate movement before they were made. Spotting prey easily, before Arthur did, and neither had any compunctions about killing it. One saw the shock on Arthur's face the first time he got one without warning. "Everyone must eat, my Lord. What point is there to not hunting us if we are expected then to starve?"

Arthur shook his head, "No it's just that Merlin is always so- he hates hunting. Really, he scares everything away on purpose, I'm certain of it. Can't stand killing and I'm sure would be content to live on a meatless diet if there was any way it was healthy. Of course it's insufficient, but an efficient or enthusiastic hunter he is not."

Gwaine snorted, "Actually Princess, he's a very efficient hunter when he needs to be. Both of assassins and hares. He just thinks you should kill _only_ where necessary and should never find enjoyment in it. In some ways he is more against hunting for sport than murder in self defence."

The watching druids seemed to wear the slightly glazed intense look Merlin sometimes did around them.

"Emrys has a more direct connection with life and death my lord. He cannot take life lightly, nor give it, as he is able to do. The responsibility and intensity has led him to take the stance of only taking a life to sustain another. Not for luxury or indulgence where there is meat or hide wasted."

Arthur frowned, "You disagree? With hunting for fun." He hoped they had not been sent to aid something they abhorred given the still fragile peace.

The man cocked his head, considering his response, "No. I enjoy hunting, and see it as a skill to be practiced and refined. I object to the lazy use of hunting dogs. It is a brutal practice and leaves some of the animal unusable, wasting its sacrifice. Inefficient.

A man should earn his own meat. We share it with the community according to their needs. After all, if Isildir had spent his time refining specialist hunting skills," The man silently raised a blow pipe, looking towards a spot a hare had just appeared, "Then who would heal my injuries, acquired hunting the boar? Or treat the winter ailments. He must practice and learn his own craft. I cannot weave - at least not well - so for another to refine their ability for spinning and looming, someone else must provide meat. I take pride in hunting well, and successfully, because it supports us. There is the challenge also of not being noticed and learning the land well enough that the breeding population of any one species should not be affected significantly."

Arthur snorted,"I had a very similar conversation with someone less reasonable last night..."

The man looked puzzled, "Emrys was unreasonable about balance?"

Rolling his eyes, Arthur groaned, "Not that idiot, he was unreasonable in my estimation, but not for that, someone else..."

Gwaine smirked. "After the meeting?"

"After the meeting." Confirmed Arthur, raising a laugh from the knight. Realising they were missing something requiring inside knowledge the Druids shrugged and went back to the silence, not seeming to use any gestures to communicate, yet communicating all the same. A skill Arthur was beginning to seriously envy.

Each time they made a kill the Druids seemed to say a thank you or blessing over the place, which made Arthur very uncomfortable. Never in his life had he thanked an animal that was not a horse that carried him. Or possibly magic. As the pair of Druid men knelt down to process the deer carcass the one who had been quiet looked up to them, "You can carry on ahead if you wish, you will be easy to track this way." He grinned. "Perhaps it will be more fun to follow knowing that I will not die at a misstep." Arthur found it strange that they could joke about that type of death, but this man was young enough to have grown up being hunted. Like Merlin, he thought.

"Princess?" Gwaine was looking at him oddly.

"Let's go then." He nodded to the one who had offered some freedom, apparently satisfied that they were not an immediate threat, and rode ahead a little. Relaxing as they did so.

Arthur observed Gwaine, he always kept a close eye on his men, his one major failing being his best friend.

"You're looking much better than you should be after abundant home-brewed alcohol. I've yet to find a knight capable of making much in the way of edible or drinkable fare."

Gwaine shrugged calmly, "Ah well, Percy's isn't actually that bad. I'm not sure what he did differently, but it feels less lethal when you drink it."

"I'm surprised he let you use it given your known capacity."

Gwaine grimaced, "He didn't. He was pretty pissed off at a couple of the knights and used mine, I can only assume as some sort of punishment. I gave him something imported before, and strong, more than once. He vowed to visit similar unpleasantness on me one day. I think that goal has been achieved."

The prince raised an eyebrow, "Yet you were awake enough to sort horses and weapons." Arthur hefted the bow he carried. "Merlin?"

"Man has some truly useful skills- and spells." Gwaine smiled.

Arthur groaned, "Perhaps. Next time I say 'Not too much' about sleep I'm going to be clearer with what 'barely sufficient' is." Growled Arthur.

"Well given what he's used to functioning on I'm guessing his measure is skewed. Plus, how pissed off would you have been if he'd given you too much? He's a damn physician, Princess, of course he's going to be cautious with a patient, and if the insomniac is _you,_ well... That's not why you didn't go _back_ to sleep though, and I think you're damn lucky, for the sake of your misplaced pride he wasn't focused enough to be thinking of other causes. Unless you really _wanted_ to discuss her with him so soon, or your conflict over _Uther_ and _Father_?

I've camped with you enough on patrol, or quests, you've got your nightmares and demons like all of us. You pulled a knife on one of the guys to wake you before, but you've never dealt with them this way. It's surprising how easily some people mistake the signs of emotional distress for a hangover. Merlin mentioned it himself when I asked what he'd have done before anyone knew. I won't say any different, but _try_ not to make him think his grip on things is completely off just to avoid showing you have feelings." Gwaine looked pointedly at Arthur.

"I thought he was sleeping and eating now?" Arthur blithely ignored Gwaine's suggestion that he might have reacted with anything other than rage to his first actual heartbreak, let alone addressing his family. He suspected that in any other circumstances he may well have turned bitter towards Guinivere, or reacted in anger or jealousy. In this case their ending was almost anti-climatic. At least for any of the gossips. They'd find some way to make it salacious or shocking he was sure. Some people just had a talent for it. Any other day it wouldn't have drawn any tears, but the day he had organised his father's removal from power, effectively ending any civil relationship with them of his own accord was overwhelming. For Merlin it was the removal of a genocidal tyrant, the end of a life of captivity and being hunted. Arthur wasn't about to take that relief and joy away from him, but it didn't stop the pain of his own loss. In it's way so like Merlin's own hidden loss of Balinor.

Gwaine shrugged, "He's having a lot more than he was, still less than most. We'll see if it lasts. So, do you know what he's having done today? I haven't seen the design yet."

Arthur grimaced, shaking unwanted thoughts from his head as he replied, "I have no doubt that you will very soon, and in great detail I am sure. I haven't yet, no. It seems that the dragon may be the only one who has."  
"Ah. Kilgarrah. How did that go by the way?" Gwaine asked lightly.

Arthur frowned, "Well we are both unharmed, and had some kind of civil discourse- after Merlin's intervention. He really does have the complete loyalty of the creature, doesn't he… there was even a strange fondness between them." The prince sounded awed.

Gwaine snorted at the understatement in that, "Well yes, of course he does. It isn't like having a pet, Arthur. Kilgarrah has his own mind, desires, everything you and I have, but he has no choice but to obey Merlin, or whoever was his Dragonlord. So let's be glad it's him with the dragon commanding powers, not the Witch hmm?"  
Arthur rolled his eyes, "No, I mean we were both being dicks to each other. Our last meeting didn't go well, and with only one comment in the growls the Dragon changed attitude completely. Like a knight who stepped out of line being reprimanded."

"Yeeees." Gwaine watched him.

"You've met him, haven't you." Arthur stated.

"Princess I've _flown_ on him mind. _That_ is how Merlin told me he had magic. By introducing me to the Great dragon, because apparently it was easier than saying 'I have magic' or 'Gwaine, all the weird shit and ridiculous excuses are actually because I'm a warlock. Nooo, it was _easier_ to sneak out in the dark, summon a dragon, and tell someone in the morning that you're a warlock having gotten distracted. Fortunately I didn't get taken up the same night we met, but it's how we reached the Lake of Avalon."

"Riiiight. God he's an idiot." exclaimed Arthur, realising then just how badly he needed to sleep to keep track of things properly.  
"Yep." Agreed Gwaine.

"No wonder he was a terrible servant."

Gwaine looked sideways at the Prince. " _Really?_ I think that it would have been weirder if Emrys made a _good_ servant by nature."

"Good servants wouldn't have accepted a prince for a friend. Even the friendly ones." Frowned Arthur...

"...No, Merlin's one of a kind. You should tell him you know, maybe not today, but he wouldn't want you to hide it like he had to. Plus he'll guess anyway."

Arthur huffed, "Maybe, you never quite know with him."

Gwaine looked at his friend closely, "We've been away from them too long sire. Nice of the local druids to provide an escort, but I doubt it's _only_ for our protection- although I can personally vouch for there being magical defences here. I came off rather badly there the first time I wandered unescorted through the area. Harmless, but not _painless._ Had had some trouble recently with some brutal knights. They were very apologetic about a careless _traveller_ getting tangled up in that, and the food was well worth the discomfort. Man they can cook well. I think the best I've had staying with a camp was clay baked trout. _Very_ nice done well. It was done to a family recipe though, so not likely to get that one any time soon." He sighed as though reflecting on a great tragedy, not a meal from the past. Arthur felt a part of himself settle back into place listening to Gwaine's nattering. His knights might be unusual but they were _right._

Merlin _wanted_ to unwrap the bandage and look again, frustrated that he couldn't see the edge behind his shoulder either way. Isildir had made unfair threats to refuse him a painkiller if he tried it, and said it would be too inflamed to properly appreciate yet. He was too proud to admit how badly he wanted to see them properly before having to cover the first ones from others. He had sat and patiently listened to the lecture on avoiding infection, not poking what was still effectively a wound, and what to do in case of one. Including the part where it was explained to _him_ that magic should prevent that possibility. Poison worked, but a normal un-magical infection shouldn't. All the time Finian watched him, and Merlin grew twitcher.

He managed right up until people began to take dishes to the water to clean. Reflective water. They couldn't seriously expect him to not look could they?

He found a spot out of sight and got as far as peeling it back before hearing deep laughter

Behind him. "Well you lasted longer than I did, Emrys. I'll clean it off and do you back up before they get back. It's not like you'll have it in the sun long, and Oswald and I will be in the citadel in case of any complications later, though from the feel of your magic I very much doubt you will have a problem with that." The man smiled widely, and Merlin's head dropped forward at being caught and he began to laugh at ever thinking he could have got away with it in a campful of druids.

" _Not your brightest moment Emrys, but I won't tell anyone."_

" _Just don't tell the Prat. I don't think Isildur will be fooled."_

Most of his chest was rather bruised looking, and _very_ tender, but the lines were fascinating, he used the surface of the water as a mirror, and it seemed to flatten for him. Where there had been only a scar there was now a very different mark. A head styled exactly like Kilgarrah's placed at the top of a perfect circle of intricate knot-work, which he was certain had their own meaning, wings neatly folded keeping the circle unbroken as the dragon swallowed its tail. It surrounded a sign he knew easily from Gaius' books and listening to stories, the tree of life. Placing that over the reminder of the power he held over life and death, and of his own _lack_ of that balance made his breath catch in his throat. He had to agree that Finian was _good_ , the artistry in it was impressive even without the meaning.

Twisting to the side he smiled, the triskelion with a small triquetra at its centre. "You enclosed it." He looked at the Catha man curiously. "You are no longer divided against yourself. You are whole, Emrys. 'Merlin' never had to die for you to live, because you are one, accepting _this_ tells everyone that you _are_ complete, if you were still rejecting so much of yourself the lines would not hold."

He traced over them without touching the skin directly, "I don't think I mind being your vellum after all, I'm a long way still from that tapestry like suggestion you had."

"Aye, but I'm not fool enough to try and do more than this the first time. You did well Merlin."

The warlock smiled, it was the first time Finian had voluntarily used his birth name, " _Now_ you'll say my name." He snorted, it was useless trying to figure some people out.

"Well fewer will remember to use it to you now, not that the Druids ever would have, I thought someone should, beyond Courage and Strength- oh don't looked shocked, of course the prophecies _mention_ that. Unclear and undefined as it was."

Merlin tilted his head. "And Lancelot? What does it say of him?" Finian looked away too quickly, "Forked. We cannot know." Merlin frowned, what could have changed or be coming to get that reaction from the man. He opened his mouth to ask more, then shut it again.

"Please don't ask more, foreknowledge is dangerous, even when you've had training like Oswald and I have. Why else do you think for all the prohibited and illegal texts Gaius and Lord Geoffrey saved there is not even one you have found on prophecy? Despite Camelot's resident _Seer_ growing up there. I've killed men for knowing less Merlin, before men like Aredian could get to them, when the many lives cost the strategic one or two. When such men were hunting for them I believed a clean death and a resting place was kinder. Few had the skills that Balinor did to evade them. I do not believe Oswald has ever been required to do kill an innocent man. I hope he never has to. There are days where preventing one evil would cause a far greater one. Gaius' knows all too well how easy it is to choose wrongly. There are _many things_ he did wrong, but for some he had reasons I support. For some he was following the agreed on code of practitioners of that branch of magic. Prophecy and seeing is one. True seers understood the responsibility that rested with them. They carried a weight of sorrows. It was not done to share a vision directly with the one in it, or they would often end up with self-fulfilling prophecies, and there were others who specifically supported such people. Some saw the Purge before it came, in blood and fire. The code forbade them explicitly telling people. If they had, then it's likely there would still have been a war, only started by a different man, you understand?"

Merlin pressed his lips tightly together, "Lancelot would never bring us harm, he is the most honourable man I've ever known."

"He would never _intentionally_ do so, no. Not if he understood, but none of them do. To live with visions and any understanding of prophecy is a heavy burden, it is not one I would wish on your friends."

Merlin sighed, "Is that what happened to Morgana? He glanced down at the tree he now wore as a permanent reminder.

Finian shook his head sadly, "No Emrys. Many things happened to the Witch, she knew things, saw things, but all of that would not have _forced_ her into what she has become. You have been tempted, have you not? To leave, to join them and _fight_ for freedom with force, but you never did. Having access to book that foretold her as the enemy and bringer of death would have been cruel, don't you think? Much like telling you everything on your first day in the castle would have been, even if they had known more than the basics of who your are."

He looked up to the warrior, who was searching in his bag for what he needed to rewrap Merlin while it was required, "The dragon didn't get that message. First night he was in my bloody head. You would have done the same as Gaius?"

Finian frowned, "No. I wouldn't. Not even close… but I _would_ have destroyed the books of prophecy pertaining to you lot or it may have never come to be. I'm sworn to serve Emrys, and as a priest also to protect the balance."

Merlin nodded pensively, "I understand, though it'd be nice not to. If it was you, what would you do?"

"About what?" The catha man shrugged, "If it was me in your place I'd have gone crazy long ago."

"How do you know I'm not?" Merlin lifted an eyebrow.

"Well if you are, you are at least not psychotic crazy, of all the options you are san _est_ , and you are the only person of that power level to remain stable and good. Well, you're the only one of your power level, but you understand my meaning. I have no answers for what you must do Merlin, but I do know that resentment and bitterness never begin the way Morgana is now. Or the way Uther became, it is in small cracks and wounds that fester until they poison a person's soul.

The druids are looking to _you_ and you are the example. Think of it as being the adult figure around children. You often curb your language voluntarily, or the type of jokes made to be appropriate, or try to model a behaviour for imitation. What _you_ model is what _they_ will imitate. If you show them to hold grudges, then many will feel justified to continue and it will stifle what you and the King wish to build. If you teach them forgiveness by living it, though it will be harder, your mind will be clearer, and they will have no way to hold you up as showing that it is acceptable.

You came here to take up your place and acknowledge it willingly, and it will have been noticed, you can feel it, I know. When you demand Her attention- or any god's- She will expect yours in return, when you take a place like Nimue's, or Lord of the Druids, or Priest, there is an offering expected or a test to be passed. Each must show they are worthy, or that they will put in effort and perseverance. I believe that the sacrifice She requires from you is not something just _anyone_ can give, and that She is pleased enough to make you a gift in it.

No sacrificed bull or feast. You have already proven your genuine care, passed tests from so many. I may be wrong, but I believe She speaks to you in a different way from most, and your sacrifice, your test from _Her_ to be blessed as Nimue's replacement, is to practice a forgiving spirit."  
"I _am_ forgiving." Merlin gritted his teeth, wondering why they demanded yet more, more than he felt he could give, feeling the following wave of soothing affirmation from what he was almost sure was the Mother.

Finian nodded, a hand brushing that away. "Yes, you forgive everyone who harms _you,_ accidentally or with cause, you forgive all manner of things from strangers, from those who do not know you, from friends who did not understand. Can you though forgive those who knew, and understood, who you loved and loved you for committing irreversible wrongs against you. Can you truly let go of the past pain? Of betrayal? 'Emrys' is marked on your body not only in ink but by scars, and you will know many, many people over the years. Some of whom will hurt you in deeper ways than those seen on the surface. With such power as you already wield it would be wise for her to know the character of one person who might claim the place of High Priestess or Priest. Most of those who feel led towards becoming a full priest or priestess will spend many weeks in reflection, fasting, prayer, or completing some type of test. I believe the prince has been set similar tests and quests to prove himself and his character.

There is no man who can set yours and little time. She must find a different way to measure your heart no? _Before_ you are granted the responsibility for her people, who are not _only_ the Druids that are already your people. The witch claimed what she could not wield, she wished to own what was never hers and use it for her own ends. She failed. Even _now_ she claims to serve the Triple goddess and calls herself the last priestess. The witch failed to understand, and all that is light of the old religion rejected her. She sees only the darkness now because she would accept no guidance or love. Her heart was for dominion, not for service, or balance, or people. Only the Morrigan and the dark powers will have her now. If you ever doubted any difference between her and yourself, no matter how they formed, completing this test will answer that question. You cannot trick her into seeing something different, she will not be deceived, and the Druids cannot reject Her decision if it is made clear. Even the ones who would argue youth or inexperience requires direction."

Merlin swallowed convulsively. "Isn't that what you're doing right now."

Finian smiled wryly, "I left my clan for more than one reason Emrys, and I wasn't always grey. Yes, in a way I am, but I shouldn't have to, this is the stuff that most children with magic would learn when they are knee high. I want _no part_ in your choices or decisions, please. I _do not_ want to be a political influence, it is most definitely not my gift. The responsibility is not one I would want. At all. There are disruptive elements in every group, and Oswald and I were definitely considered 'disruptive' by some. Mostly for challenging superiors and refusing to fall in line on the point that violence is a required thing and punishment must always be the same, not taking into account the situation. I think circumstance matters. Due to his comparative youth Oswald is not yet _quite_ so problematic for them. It's simpler to have me at a distance and using my skills without confusing the 'easily led'.

You are not; but right now you are still _vulnerable,_ high on the pain and a new sense of belonging. I see it in you, and don't want you to wander off unaware as has happened before, simply because they assume you already know something. To knowingly leave you at a disadvantage wastes time we do not have, in addition to being cruel, they have assumed the understanding you would have from a childhood with them or your father. Not the one you lived. The triskele is a symbol that is given to all the Druid men in Albion, and usually earlier to any child of the old religion.

You were already called, Emrys, do not worry about _this,_ the fear is not necessary. I think the golden lines on your palm are a far more personal link to Her than the lines I added today, and the sign you have already been accepted, whatever you chose to do after."

Merlin gazed at the new sign on his arm, imagining how he would have the others placed when they healed, and smiled. He definitely preferred _this_ visual reminder to Nimue's.

"Right. Forgiveness. For betrayal. Why not; what's one more impossible thing on my list?"

Finian smiled back, relieved, he wasn't happy with being the one to explain things to Merlin, but clearly no one else had either bothered, or realised he didn't just _know,_ leaving him without much choice _._ Morgana had been set on the road she had in large part by her tendency to hold grudges and seek vengeance, but it was an inability to forgive that had kept her on it. It was a key difference between Emrys and the Witch, but forgiving those you loved was harder than strangers you didn't. The Catha man doubted that _he_ personally could do so fully in the same place, but perhaps that was why he was never asked to. If one was immortal though, to carry grudges had far reaching consequences. She must have her reasons after all, and anyone who had read the prophecies knew that betrayal would lead to Arthur's death, he just hoped they could delay that for a long time if the round table worked together.

He didn't look as he rewrapped the tattoos and Merlin gently pulled on a tunic.

The warlock waited silently until he raised his head and spoke directly into the man's mind, _"Thank you. For what you have done for me here, and for telling me the truth, the things I am missing."_

" _The first was a privilege. The latter a responsibility."_

"I've been away too long, we should get back to the fire before the others return." In agreement they rejoined the other Druids, turning to lighter discussion.

"Have you tried the honeyed roast nuts? I haven't had _those_ in a long time. They're saved for special occasions."

Isildur chuckled, "Yes, usually we would celebrate such an event with a true feast, but I think we can save that for when the guest of honour can attend without having to leave early. The King and your knight approach, Emrys."

Merlin smiled, "I know." He could feel them getting closer, sensing the magical trackers. It was nice to be by a substantial fire again that was sweet smelling and life sustaining. Someone had added herbs to burn, and another had begun to sing, low and lilting, soothing Merlin in a way he enjoyed only rarely. It was unexpected when a second voice joined the first in a duet, each singing a part, telling a story. Merlin closed his eyes, drifting with it, feeling the pulse of the drumbeat when it joined the singers, allowing his magic more freedom and almost unconsciously playing out the scenes of the songs in the flames.

The Druids around him were careful in their choices of music to avoid anything about the Once and Future King and Emrys, and it spoke to his soul in a way the court minstrels never did.

The court may host singers and entertainers, but Merlin would choose any bard, or even Druid storyteller over such _sophisticated_ people. There was an art to telling stories, and even more to music. Merlin was sure that _that_ was a little bit magic itself.

When the four hunters entered the camp they found Merlin that way, sitting on one of the logs around the fire, eyes closed and swaying with the beat, relaxed in a way they had rarely seen him, despite two having expected him to be in some obvious discomfort.

The horses were left to graze at the perimeter of the camp.

"Merlin?" Arthur's voice was unusually gentle, and Gwaine looked at him in surprise.

"Hello? _Merlin!"_ The second call of his name registered, and the not-manservant turned to them, his pupils slightly dilated they noted, "S'Ok, I'm here. You should eat. Hospitality rules, you said we're not supposed to be rude." Merlin's eyes slowly cleared, focusing better on them. Gwaine

Chuckled, "Well, you heard the man Princess."

Arthur twitched, eager to return to Camelot. His trip to relax had been hijacked again and he was beginning to wonder what Destiny was playing at and if they were _supposed_ to crack. "One meal Gwaine, then we have to leave."

"One's enough Princess," He winked at one of the women flipping the oat cakes, who blushed.

"Stay for two and you risk falling in love."

Merlin scowled and shoved him, "Oi, I _will_ hurt you."

Gwaine smiled and shook his head, clapping a hand on the warlock's shoulder, "Not me you ass. Thought you knew I was already taken."

The scowl faded, replaced by an amused smirk, "Well I suppose that's ok then, thought being a prat might be catching for a minute there."

"You don't mean that." Gwaine gasped in mock horror before leaning over and grabbing a bowl of what looked like some kind of stew and moaning happily as the roast venison fell apart.

"I just might if you try it on again."

Arthur sat slightly awkwardly at Merlin's right hand side, and a young woman approached him with some food and knelt down. "Thank you my Lord. I had given up hope. It is rekindled today, you came with Emrys and he is _free._ Eat with us." At his momentary hesitation she huffed, "It's not _poisoned_ if that's what you think." She rolled her eyes.

He took the bowl and roll quickly, "No, thank you. If you haven't poisoned Gwaine here I trust you won't do it to me. Especially not at the side of Emrys. He sometimes over reacts to threats against me, it's a bad habit, dangerous."

"It's a completely reasonable reaction, and being a good friend, Prat." Merlin's voice floated over.

"See. Over protective." Arthur waved a spoon in Merlin's general direction.

"A spoon is never a threat _sire,"_ Amusement briefly flashed in dark eyes before his attention was lost.

The woman was smiling as she looked between them, as though realising something.

"Join me, eat with us. I missed the beginning of the story. I'd like to hear it." He flashed her a bright smile that was impossible to say no to, and she sat, beginning the tale obligingly.

Arthur let himself enjoy the break and tried to see the members of the camp the way Merlin must, crushing the beginnings of fear before it could thrive, watching them work as a family. They were like his knights, operating smoothly, without friction, some bickering in the corner over something minor, others talking silently, looking at each other in a way that made him feel he was intruding, the woman jealously guarding the cauldron waving a wooden spoon at someone trying to steal something opportunistically. The music continued, but it seemed it was more for the benefit of the drummer, and singers now than the others.

They couldn't stay long, but Arthur found himself reluctant to leave when the time came. Looking at him intensely, Isildir nodded as though somehow satisfied and bowed properly. "Your kills are secured Sire, you will be welcome with Emrys should he choose to bring you again. Go in peace." He moved to Merlin, who Arthur could see was twitching uncomfortably, and not because of the fresh tattoo, a sentiment he understood when Isildur dropped to a knee, sincerity writ openly on his features, those close enough to see them off following.

"Lord Emrys. It has been an honour, and my people are blessed by your presence today, I met you as a boy and saw little more than a child. You have grown into the true Emrys, Lord of the Druids. If you call my clan and I will answer." He glanced up, "Even if that call is unsociably loud or during the hours that bats keep." That drew a smile from Merlin; it was rare for magic users to show a sense of humour around him and treasured. It was one of the problems with trying to keep such friends. They may share something intimate or a source of joy and trouble, but there really wasn't much he could do to mitigate their awe. He didn't know how. Arthur was one of the few who could understand. One of the best features of the _non-magical_ knights was their inability to feel or see his magic. He might love to watch others use theirs and allow it to show, but a lot of the ones he'd met who _weren't_ trying to kill them were weird about his. Except Morgana, who seemed utterly blind in that respect. To him and anyone else, because all magic had a feel and a taste. The thick, sticky, black kind you instinctively spat out and tried to scrub off. He wasn't sure how anyone could get used to it or want that. Nimue at least made sense but the Druids Morgana had stayed with would not have taught her dark magic. Thinking about what he'd been told about codes though he wondered, what _would_ they have taught her. If they recognised _him_ on sight, before he had known himself, then there was a good chance they also knew what _she_ was. Maybe they would have told her she had magic but been afraid to teach her things that might be used against them. Perhaps it was even in some stupid oath to not aid the dark witch. He suspected it was not something that they would tell him.

It chilled him when he considered Mordred was being raised in the same way.

Pushing away that concern for another day he rubbed the back of his neck, "Please don't kneel. I'll end up all stooped over if people keep doing it, or with a fat head like my King."

Isildir raised an eyebrow worthy of Gaius. "I'll ask them, you'll just have to suffer through the council, but if you have begun to answer to the name my People give you, I'll be as disrespectful as you wish."

Merlin swallowed hard, tongue feeling too big for his mouth; "Our People, Isildir. I cannot learn everything in a day, but I swear to you, I will speak on behalf of our people, I'll even answer to 'Emrys' without complaint if you can get them to quit staring at their feet every time I meet someone."

"Yes My Lord."

He stared intensely at the clan leader, ignoring the others, _"We need to speak alone when there is no pressure of time. No one ever explained what is supposed to be 'possible' and 'impossible', or what to do to summon or respond to gods, goddesses, or random wandering spirits. I almost offended Queen Mab, and I keep hearing a woman's voice without seeing their ghost. My friends cannot wait today."_

Isildir paled, the slight tremor in his hands not going unnoticed by Arthur, though no comment was made. He was learning to recognise silent conversations and not to interrupt.

" _It is good that the priests have sought you out then, very good, there is much you need to know, but to recognise the places you need counsel is wisdom. You will need to draw on_ them _as resources, hear their wisdom and weigh it against your own understanding. I have faith in you and the Once and Future King. Have faith in yourselves, and each other. Even if you have been required to guess too many things and lacked effective guidance. Do not doubt yourselves so much Emrys… and when you do, look down and see the proof of the Goddess' faith in your coin. When you feel alone even among friends, you wear Her promise of your place in this interconnected world."_

" _And my King? Where does he look?"_ Merlin folded his arms and raised a brow.

" _Is it not obvious Emrys? He looks to_ you. _Should he decide later that he wishes his own symbol we will consider it. You still have a long way to go to complete your own so will get to know your artist quite well._ "

" _Well at least his sigil and House symbol is simple."_ Merlin smirked.

Isildur laughed. "That it is. May the roads be kind to you. Farewell Lord Emrys, Prince Arthur… Lord Gwaine, Ethel says there is a bag of honey cakes in your saddle bag." The man stifled laughter as Gwaine's face lit up; Merlin didn't bother, cackling as he slapped the knight on the shoulder. "You _have_ been here before mate."

Gwane winked at the old woman and blew her a kiss, "What did I tell you? Best hospitality in the five kingdoms."

Arthur snorted as he swung up into the saddle, "You mean they haven't exiled you yet."

"You say that like it's a bad thing to be exiled."

"It _is_ a bad thing to be exiled, Gwaine." Merlin cuffed him.

"' Way I see it, if tyrants and bullies _like_ me and want to share company, I've fucked up somewhere and should rethink my life choices."

"Gwaine, your life choices include flying on an untamed dragon, attacking an army of zombies without a magic-using plan, fucking Emrys, and teasing the guardian of Avalon. A rethink just might be a good idea."

"You asked me- dared me even! I was bored, and ran out of ale that second time, I have _no_ regrets about fucking 'Emrys' if he's Merlin, and Avalon was never actually in _my_ plan, you arse. I'd choose this life every time." Merlin's mount snickered and Finian behind him choked.

"Oi! You're meant to be on my side. No extra apples if you side with them." The horse whined as though it understood, making Arthur wonder again if there wasn't more to his not-servant's dislike of hunting for leisure than he said.

The prince fell back when they had gone some way towards the city but were still out of sight of the city, he wanted to ask after the man's discomfort and healing, but it wasn't a conversation they could have with witnesses. Even if Arthur could find the words, Merlin wouldn't appreciate being treated as though he might be breakable or like a maiden. Arthur was finally managing to reframe his friend the way that Lancelot and Gwaine had apparently seen him for some time. As a warrior. An advisor. Every bit still an idiot, but definitely not a damsel in distress. It was going to be _much_ harder to justify running off to rescue the mad warlock now if he vanished.

Merlin was thinking of what to say to Hunith and Gaius. Avoidance wasn't a long term solution to anything; he couldn't deal with it tonight, but soon, he told himself. Soon.

 _After_ Arthur and Gwaine had seen his new acquisitions. It was such a different feeling to when he was asked to show and explain his scars.

Of course nothing could ever be that simple, and Merlin's choice was yet again over ruled by outside interference, the mood of the stablehands odd and clearly expecting something, which Arthur completely missed. He swung down and took care of the handover of their rides and began to unload, allowing Arthur some space after the day. Frustrated with the cautious glances he cornered one of them, "Okay. What is it. What happened. We were only gone for a day."

The boy winced, "It's- It's the Lady Guinivere. She's been taking care of the king- um, that is keeping him company-" Merlin rolled his eyes at the euphemism, "Yes. She's been looking after Uther, get to the point fast." He rarely lost his temper, but Gwen had a gift for bringing out the protective instincts in _everybody,_ if something happened to _her,_ he didn't have time for dithering.

"Well something went wrong and he attacked her this afternoon, Sirs Lancelot and Leon intervened and she's with the physician."

Merlin cursed loudly, "Look, I need you to unload the kills to the kitchen and sort out the horses, I'll owe you." The stableboy sounded an affirmative, putting it down to him being physicians assistant. Merlin grabbed what was _his_ and ran to his old quarters, he needed to find out how bad it was before finding Arthur to stop him killing Uther. When he opened the door and saw her sitting there on the bench rage warred with relief, and his jaw tensed as he entered the room. For the first time in days he was overwhelmingly glad to see his mother by her side, even if it was because of her healing skills and willingness to tell Uther where to get off.

Worryingly for Uther, Lancelot was not present.


	57. Chapter 57

It was with no small relief that Merlin saw she was sitting upright and being allowed to do so, but he could not judge by her appearance whether she had regained consciousness, or simply been bloody lucky. The left side of her face was bruised, lip split, and eye swollen nearly shut. Better, she radiated rage rather than sadness. He could not guess at his mother's thoughts.

—-—-—

Uther watched the upstart serving girl who had gained his son's interest. It didn't make sense. They had nothing in common, she had no breeding, they could not attend events together, she was capable of basic literacy of course, but hardly more than that. She was only a _servant_ when that unhealthy infatuation began, not even his own maid. Morgana's. She spent almost all day with his daughter. Every day. For years. He'd never noticed... it would be unseemly to notice a servant at all, let alone a female one.

To Uther it had been obvious that Arthur was sowing his oats, and though irresponsible it proved his virility to certain Lords. He could always get rid of her if she became inconvenient, but somehow that had gone wrong and his son had stood against him. He had forgiven it for no man could help his actions bespelled or enchanted by an evil sorcerer.

The thoughts of Morgana, charming and innocent, brought the intense same emotions as any about his daughter.

Anger. Grief. Where did it go so wrong? He had been so careful to keep her from corruption. As he watched Guinivere set out the medicines he froze; he remembered having her arrested for using magic during his adversary's plague. It had happened again later. He didn't know how he hadn't seen it before, unforgivable.

He grabbed her arm as she turned away, and twisted it behind her. He had lost much of his strength, but he had enough left to deal with one maid. "How long since you were corrupted? How long have you been poisoning my children against me? Tricking them, _lying!_ Worming your way into their thoughts, their beds, spreading your filth;I showed you mercy once and you, _witch,_ repaid it by whispering your evil in the night." he hissed in her ear.

"Whoring yourself like all the others." Gwen tried to stop her heart racing., desperately trying to think of a way out.  
Pulling away wouldn't work, she was trapped against the wall. He yanked her roughly towards him, "No more, I see you now, how you infected my household, my family, and I _will not_ have it in my home. I will kill you."

It was the calm way he said the last part that made her scream. Not the pain that bloomed when he slapped her, rings turned to maximise damage. It was an unconscious movement by now from years of disciplining those who were slow or insolent. More reflex than intent, but unnecessary as the girl hadn't been expecting the first blow and been knocked from her feet. Actually Gwen had been expecting a knife before anyone could reach her and probably had Uthers's illness to thank for it not occurring to him earlier. By the time she could focus on him through the ringing in her ears he was being hauled away none to gently by Sir Percival, and Lancelot. Whenever she had _said_ 'my hero' before it had been light hearted, teasing. In previous rescues she had not been in a state of shock, and had prepared mentally for what would come. This was the first time she'd ever thought it sincerely. She hadn't even noticed her bleeding hand until Percival pointed out where she had grabbed for support from the table and instead knocked a vial of medicine. It surprised her to have him, not Lancelot crouched next to her. "You let him take the king alone?!"

Percival raised an eyebrow, "In his present state of mind Sir Lancelot is stronger than I am. If I just _happen_ to be helping the dear Lady who was hurt serving him, I am sure he will manage." There was barely restrained fury in his eyes that she hadn't seen in the big man before.

"Do you need help to stand?"

Gwen went to wave him off and remembered one of Merlin's rants about knights refusing to follow common sense practices. Her hands were still shaking, making her curse the betrayal of her body. "Yes, I doubt I need it, but let's not invite another frustrated lecture from our favourite manservant. Spot me to Gaius' rooms? I need this thing sorted before I bleed on everything." Percival nodded, cooperating. "Anything My Lady."

"Gwen, please. I'd rather just be _me,_ not be Lady Guinivere, at least until this sorted."

He smiled sadly, "Hardly scratched. You'll be fine." _As soon as Arthur can deal with it_ went unspoken.

"Percival?"

He tilted his head towards her. "Yes my Lady?"

"Don't let Lance kill the king. There are rules about that."

Percy snorted, "I doubt any of the others are safer escorts. Not if they see you all bruised and bloody."

She swallowed hard, not refuting it; "Thank you. For not waiting. For rescuing me before he _could_ do more."

Percival nodded, which was as much acknowledgement of that as she was ever likely to get from him.

"Watch the stairs my- Gwen, slow down if you have trouble."

She did, but she made no comment on it, obedient to his instructions.

Percival had left her with Merlin's mother and gone to obey her own directions to prevent Lance's summary execution.

Hunith had taken one look and pressed her lips into a tight line as she saw the marks of the ring and instantly understood, drawn her into a gentle hug as Percival left. She'd quietly boiled water for a marigold wash and set things out for a poultice, had brought out a clean bandage and honey. There had been no questions, no demands for an explanation, or what she did.

Gwen watched her practiced movements, new as the workshop was to her.

"It's not your first time doing this, is it?" Gwen said quietly.

"It's not the first time I've fixed wounds caused by Uther, no." Hunith kept her voice low, and Gwen shook her head, "No. I mean it's not your first time doing _this."_

Hunith paused in her steady work, keeping pressure on the hand she held upwards, "It's not the first time you've seen a higher ranked man abuse his position either. Some women lack resources and accept one form of suffering to escape another. Of course it isn't. I've dressed too many wounds on too many women as the closest thing to a local healer… we had raiders, and Cenred's tax collectors after all. Much the same thing. I doubt Merlin's mentioned it but they were not gentle."

She continued bathing the broken skin and lip gently, offering no criticism or enquiry.

"I'll have to tell Arthur. He'll ask what happened as soon as he sees me."

Hunith nodded, "Yes. Will you tell him the truth?"

Anger flared in Gwen's eyes, "What else would I tell him? Enough bloody lies already. Identity, dragons, magic. I'm not the one who did something wrong. I didn't even speak, he attacked me without cause or provocation and I am damn well _not_ going back in there. I have tried. Sat through terrible things. This is my line. Uther may be Arthur's father but he is _not mine_ , and I have no obligation to him to remain in reach!"

She was surprised to see a wide smile on Hunith's face as she reached and patted Gwen's knee, "That's my girl. I wondered where the sword wielding young woman who rode and crossed the border to save a friend had gone. Damn right you don't owe anyone your body for a punching bag."

Gwen stared at her, wondering what she'd say about Arthur's use of Merlin, and realised she'd spoken aloud as she saw Hunith shake her head. "Don't be fooled. He may protest, he might be injured, but if Merlin takes part, or goads them, it is because he chooses to. Allows it. There is a great deal you don't understand dear, I hope you never do comprehend some of it. I trust his friends to watch, and to know when to stop, or when something is wrong. Whatever you _think,_ he's still just a man, a _young_ man, and there are days they pick fights, best that it's with each other... You think he doesn't get his own back? Or can't hold his own? If that was true he'd never have survived the battles. In your heart you know it. I was always afraid of what would happen when he realised how much power he held. How he might react to others, or misuse it… in the end there was never anything to fear from _him._ The power never controlled him, he did not seek it."

"But he has used it to kill, Hunith." Gwen's shock as she stated that was obvious, and the older

woman locked eyes with her, "Yes. He has; and _you_ brought a live sword to my home. It wasn't to slice bread, and it was preplanned, intentional. You used it for the purpose it was made. So can you honestly say that you are better?"

Gwen swallowed and looked around the room. She'd sat here many times, in many capacities. From a little girl waiting to see the healer, the young woman waiting for Merlin to wake, watching him die, drinking morning mead with him when they were working an hour later, still a bit drunk; watching Merlin dress wounds of knights. Helping Gaius' when he needed it.

"No." She answered.

Hunith smiled tightly, "He has always wanted peace, had too much mercy for his own wellbeing. My son learned too well, and much of his suffering might have been avoided if things had been different."

Gwen flexed her fingers. "Nothing serious. I hope the men aren't overreacting and being idiots."

Hunith snorted. "They're men. Men in metal hats confronted with emotion, _of course they're being idiots somewhere."_

Gwen grimaced, "I hope they aren't doing anything illegal."

Hunith looked at her dryly, "Then you ought to have told them to stay here and valiantly guard you. Not that it would do anything useful for _us_ , but you wouldn't have to worry." Gwen chuckled. "I do hope you didn't bleed on that elegant dress! Blood is so hard to properly get out of fancy materials."

The ex-servant frowned, "I suppose you'd know. He had me teach him you know, acted like he'd no idea about any of it."

""He didn't." Said Hunith tonelessly.

Gwen stopped, looking sharply at the non-peasant woman, "What? How could he not know, I suppose _some_ of it might not have been covered, but he acted like he knew _nothing."_  
Gwen's frown would have intimidated the knights, but Hunith met it unflinchingly, "He did. I never told him. Not who his father was, not who _I had_ been, not why he'd no grandparents, not my torn marriage. Nothing about the past. That was over. Gone. Burned away. We could never return, his own _father_ never knew about his existence, so tell me; what would have been the point in me detailing just how much had been lost or adding guilt to him."

Gwen was staring in horror, she'd seen some of his home life in ways that Arthur couldn't. Only one friend ran to welcome him back to Ealdor. She knew his guilt over preventing his mother moving on, and the part it played in their continued poverty despite certain skills; how much he had wanted to _meet_ his father and the way _that_ stopped overnight.  
"What would have been the _point?_ You sent him _back._ The plan _changed_ somehow and you sent him back to Camelot, but he has lived in ignorance and fear, do you know how much he _cares?_ How much he _loves you?_ Merlin blamed himself for your loneliness and poverty, and you owed him an explanation. What the hell were you thinking?!" A sick feeling settled in Gwen's gut, "Oh my god, what _else_ did he not know?"

Hunith looked away in sorrow and regret. "Everything."

Gwen threw her hands up in frustration and was reminded by a stabbing pain why she shouldn't do it, and of the pain elsewhere. She knew the swelling was getting worse.

"How bad is it." She asked, avoiding pursuing Merlin for now, and wishing she hadn't jumped to certain conclusions earlier, without speaking to him.

"Well, we won't know for sure yet, but I think possibly a cracked cheekbone, impressive bruising, your lip is a mess. You were lucky, he wanted you awake. No closed fist punch landed, so your nose isn't broken, and your eye isn't actually _damaged_ I think, we'll have Gaius check later, when the swelling goes down. No badly bitten tongue, which is a mercy. Bruises from the impact but I don't think you hit anything too serious. Without magic your cheek will scar where his rings were, but it's minor."

Gwen nodded. It was strange. She and Hunith had done exactly the same thing, just swapping in different directions. Her life now as a courtier was no less real than her life as a servant, the rules were different, and the expectation, but no allowances were made, she _had_ to learn and learn fast. Hunith had gone from the life of a Lady, to one of hard labour and loneliness, secrets, subsistence living and a life where mistakes were all too often fatal. For more than 20 years she had lived that way, authentically enough that no one noticed why she never quite _fit,_ no matter how kind she was. Merlin must have grown up the same way. 'In disguise' took on a whole new dimension when she added in layers she never knew of- layers he didn't understand when he said it.

"Stay here. I want to keep you under observation, and need to keep you away from Uther's reach."

"I hope the gossips don't mistake it for Arthur's handiwork."

Hunith looked her over carefully, holding a scroll. "They won't. Not anyone familiar with the workings of the castle. Not those who are still relevant to you."

"Did Merlin say anything to you?"

She frowned, answering quietly, "No. I haven't seen him except in passing for healing work."

Gwens features softened, "Why do you speak as though those who are important to me have changed."

Hunith sighed, "Because I know that look, Guinivere, and I knew many who had to make such choices. There are many who will assume that Uther's attack prompted a break between you two, but it isn't that. In all the time he has threatened you and used you to control his children, the king never directly hurt you physically. I think he saw the difference, as I do. You had already made a decision. I know the high price of being married to a powerful man, one whose very existence draws dangers and threats. We left together as one whole. I know who they are and will never judge you for refusing to be stuck on the outside of that."

Gwen winced, and it had nothing to do with her injuries. "Gwaine is choosing them." There was a bitterness in the observation, and Hunith tucked a wisp of hair under the covering.

"That is a bold choice, a brave one; but Gwaine is not like us. He is a knight. Noble in his own right, and he would never be subject to the same scrutiny as a queen. The consort of Emrys is of little consequence to the Druids, they see him only as the other half of the Once and future King. If there was any other associated with him in a formal sense by groups with magic it would be the Guardian of Avalon, as he would be considered the Guardian of Albion. Arthur is it's King. The Champion. So while Sir Gwaine is important to both of them in a personal sense, his effect on Destiny and Fate is minimal by the account of past Seers. For the Non-Magic folk _your_ position would initially be expected to be equal to or greater than Merlin's, the realisation slow, and the accusations of Usurper vicious, towards both of you. Now if you had a guaranteed male heir nine months after a wedding it might not be as bad, but no one can lay odds on that and it's risky. If you did not, your value at Court would drop swiftly. Your pain would not make Arthur's cause less, or his attention to you greater. You're a bright girl Gwen. Clever enough to realise all of this. Sir Gwaine understands his choice, and he is not doing so blindly, but the fact remains that as long as only women have babies, it will be considered a defining factor in our worth. For noble women, often the only one but their dowry. Let those born to it vye for his friendship and _attentions_. Advise him honestly, the way Merlin did for you both in his turn… and for yourself find someone who will not stop you from practising with a blade, or resent your intelligence, a man who will not care if you ever bear him a child, and who will not consider a mistress his right." She squinted, "Or woman."

Gwen's eyes widened at the last and she automatically stammered the denial. Hunith looked almost amused. "I raised Merlin dear. You cannot shock me with _that."_ She rolled her eyes and suppressed a shudder at some unseen memory.

"You have lost something of the spark you had when with the Lady Morgana. It was already gone when you escorted us on arrival, Arthur is not your first heartbreak milady."

She pressed her lips tightly together to answer Merlin's mother. "It is not. That is also _not_ something openly mentioned."

Hunith snorted, "No, I'd imagine not, although there is an _army_ of skeletons in that particular closet of the council."

"Oh no! Please no, I don't want to know!" Gwen shook her head in horror at the thought.

The healer grimaced, "Neither do I. Still, blackmail can be a very useful tool for a woman at Court. A last resort of course, and rarely usable for multiple things, but never discount it's value. The more you _know,_ Guinivere, the more you learn."

The younger woman nodded cautiously, "Did you ever use it?"

Looking away Hunith's voice was almost too soft to hear. "How do you think I'm the only one to raise a warlock alone and survive it? To protect your child you use _everything_ Guinivere, every weapon you've got to carve a refuge. I didn't need that sort often, and before, with Balinor, we never planned to _stay_ in Ealdor… there was no way I could take Merlin with me to any major centre or Court. Survival in times of persecution and famine is rarely pretty Gwen."

Gwen listened carefully, certain that Merlin had never heard the other side of his usually gentle mother, and then wondering, because she had seen and heard Merlin be surprisingly ruthless at times and a streak of the end justifying the means, which he must have learned somewhere. Maybe he never needed to _hear_ the explicit explanation, seeing it lived for survival.

"Well, I suppose it would have been useful of Morgana not to turn evil. Magic could be married to non magical and the union cemented the way they do with kingdoms. With Arthur needing an heir they can't exactly do that using Merlin, and he won't anyway. Merlin though, he's courting a non magical noble. Perhaps he could find someone for the double binding the Lords prefer. A nice Druid girl?"

Hunith smiled, "Oh, that's good, see, you need to be an advisor under your own power. Uther- before all this- did something similar, with less selfless motives, in marrying Igraine. It was common once to intermarry, especially given that even then magic the way of witches and seers, was _uncommon_ , I have none of my own, and Balinor-well- the Dragonlords were always men apart. Meeting Kilgarrah the first time was more than a little daunting. Most children would have magic if one of their parents did, there were a few purists, of course who frowned on the practice of mixing magic and non-magic, just as there are for nobles not mixing with common blood." She shrugged. "Do that enough with sheep and the animals weaken or sicken. Why they believe humans are different is beyond me. Quelling the idea of people being a part of the web and the cycle of the world supports their ethos. Those are some of the opportunists in the Court, they will try to make trouble for Arthur as I assume they have for you."

Gwen looked at the woman curiously, "Why do you assume that?"

Hunith sniffed, "Because I do not believe that human nature has fundamentally _changed,_ despite the horrors, they still fear change, often more than the fear the terror they are familiar with. _You_ are a threat to that stability. Now they can all go home and have some comfortable stew secure that the only thing they can die for is sorcery, association with sorcery, serving food to a sorcerer, that sort of thing. Anyone Arthur will find suitable though, even if she's born high ranking, would have to be content to aid that change too. Rewrite the rules; but they'll have training in managing the puppetry."

Gwen glanced at her bandaged hand, "Maybe human nature _can_ change."  
Catching her eye Hunith turned away, "I thought so too once."

Noticing the empty room Gwen frowned, "Where are the others?"

"Gaius is down in the lower town seeing about the fever the girl seems to have shared with her brothers, Master Finian is with Merlin and Arthur, and master Oswald had instructions to follow, fortunately the ones he trails left _before_ your altercation with Uther. I want you to stay here until the prince returns and has a chance to look at you. Let's not _add_ to the rumours willingly. Do you have a preference for tea the boys brought back dandelion leaf and bramble leaf last time?"

Gwen shrugged, "Whatever you're making." She had too much to think about, and the consequences and possible ramifications of the last few days plagued her, as what -ifs danced just out of reach.

Hunith brought over some blackberry leaf. "I have learned most of what I know, in the most painful possible ways, and if I can spare someone else from it I will Gwen. Whatever you do, whenever you do it, people will gossip. It's what they do. Don't take tomorrow for granted. It may never come, whether through sickness or battle. If you are lucky enough to find happiness, grab it with both hands, don't let it slip through your fingers child. It may not be what you expected, but don't let that stop you from accepting it."

"Why do you say _that_ Hunith?"

She looked sadly at Gwen, "Because I let it go once, and I see you. Merlin learned to listen and piece things together before coming to Gaius; why else would you have to warn Sir Percival to guard the knight?" Hunith's lips twitched.

"Elyan is my brother, and I was close to the- I had reason to know them well."

"You did; it's why you fell in love." There was no one specified. There didn't have to be. "I watched for Will as well, when _he_ was Merlin's friend. Have observed all of his acquaintances, and it helped him make it to adulthood." Gwen's eyes narrowed, "What did you-?"

"Nothing you need to know about. That happiness? _Do not_ let it go through a simple lack of action. Arthur of all people, understands awareness of one's mortality."

"And Merlin?" Asked Gwen.

"Merlin understands love." Hunith ignored anything else implied.

Gwen found she actually didn't mind sitting with Merlin's mother and waiting for the men to return, which usually chafed against her active nature. The woman was open the way that another peasant would have been with her, and seemed to have a decent sense of humour, if edging towards the dark side.

When he finally burst through the door it was with visible panic, that softened into something else, and what she could now recognise as fury flickering around the edges, something she had missed when he had been mentally classified as 'Just a servant', like her.

"Hey, it's worse than it looks. Really."

Merlin looked at her, shaking his head. "Amateur. _Please,_ I've said that too many times to buy the lie, let me see before Arthur kills someone or tears in here."

He approached more gently than she expected, kneeling next to her and quickly examining her, at least as well as Hunith had earlier, nodding with thin-pressed lips. "Who intervened?"

Gwen smiled, glad Merlin hadn't pressed her for details the way Arthur would. "Sir Percival… and Lancelot." at the second part of that Merlin cursed colourfully, dragging his hands down his face, "Right, how long ago?"

"Uhm, morning? It was morning."

"Did something happen?"

"If you mean did I do something, no. He decided I was a witch again."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Fuck, I thought- I mean I didn't think _you'd_ done anything. Long enough for gossip to have you on death's door though, I have to find Arthur- Oh, and if Mum tells you anything about me growing up it's all lies. Most of it. Maybe a third? Don't go anywhere."

He disappeared and they saw him pelt down the hall in a bid to stop his King from doing something unwise.

As it was he arrived just in time to see Arthur pinning his father to the wall with a hand clamped around his neck.

He kept his voice calm and steady as he tried to reach the Prince, sending some stray thought in the direction of the Goddess, "Arthur, think about this."

"Not this time Merlin." He heard the tightly leashed fury in his friend's voice.

The warlock had a flash of deja vu as he noted Leon in the corner.

"Arthur, I'm not saying let it go unaddressed, but done in secrecy plays into the enemies hands. Into Uther's hands. You're better than this- than _them._ Show them what a true trial is. You have the authority."

Leon gasped at the side and Lancelot, white knuckled stepped out from the shadows behind Merlin.

"Is that even possible? Can you try a king?" He whispered.

Merlin shrugged and hissed back, "It's certainly _possible,_ if you can challenge one to a duel and kill them in that way without technically breaking a law, why not air their wrongs publicly beforehand. I guess he could be imprisoned for madness, but if anyone is still loyal 's a bad idea. Worse idea to murder him and have us be accessories to killing a noble, even if it's not technically regicide now."

Lancelot gritted his teeth.

Arthur answered him, eyes never leaving Uther's. "You seriously think he deserves the chance to defend his crimes?"

Merlin swallowed, "I think, Sire, that his victims, and the voices of those who survived his attempted murders deserve to be heard, before he is granted a dignified death and honoured. I believe, Sire, that he is as _un_ worthy of kingship as _you_ are Worthy of it, and as unfit to wield power as you are born to do so wisely. Lady Guinivere is not badly injured, thanks to the courageous actions of these knights, in service to the people of Camelot. She is fit to speak at any trial, and there are others I know would be willing."

"Ghosts can't speak legitimately at trials, _Merlin."_

Merlin winced. "No, but the living, and those who witnessed it can. I will. With an independent record keeper, your own testimony would also count. I believe there are also written journals… from past members of his household, that remain in situ." Arthur flexed his fingers, and for a moment Merlin feared he had lost, that the way of blood and flames would win, before the prince threw his father to the floor in disgust, releasing him.  
"Leon, Lancelot, clap my father in chains, find him a suitable cell for the night. I will see him in the morning. Make sure he is fit to stand trial."

It wasn't quite permission to harm Uther, but it _was_ enough leeway for 'accidents happen' to be a reasonable defense. It was shocking what some people would do against the outrage of being thrown in a dark cell for the night.

Arthur caught Leon's arm just as he moved forward to follow the orders and murmured in his ear, "Make it my cell. Without the candle. Like he used on 'Gana and I."

Not many of the active knights were aware of Uther's harsher disciplinary methods towards children, but Leon was one of them, and he was one who still deeply respected the man who Arthur had become.

Leon gave a half bow. "Yes sire."

"Remove him." Arthur spat the order.

Merlin didn't follow the knights as they obeyed, standing quietly by his best friend's shoulder; shoulders that sagged as though carrying a great weight as soon as the door closed behind the knights. His voice was flat when he spoke, too emotionally spent to perform in privacy; and alone with Merlin _was_ privacy, it had been for years. "What did I do wrong? How did it come to this?"

Merlin sighed, gripping the blonde man's shoulder, grounding him, "I think the answer is that you did what was right. It came to this because the logical conclusion was an unresolvable conflict of core beliefs. What did you do so _Right_ that Destiny lumbered you with sorting out this mess with some sort of justice. Trusted you not to completely fuck it up."

Looking back at him Arthur glared, "This is your fault."

"You always think it's my fault… but this one time, if it makes you feel better, sure. It's my fault."

"If I got 'lumbered' or 'trusted' with this for doing something _Right,_ then you don't get to shirk the same charge." He paused, gathering something of his remaining strength, "You manipulated me. It would have been much simpler just to kill the king."

Merlin held his gaze, answering him honestly, his voice soft and controlled, "Simpler maybe. One thing that Gaius taught me which _was_ useful is that the easiest answer often is not the right one, or just delays greater damage. Do it properly, Arthur. It will never be 'simple' to kill your own _father,_ to do it that way would destroy you." He swallowed, "If we delay the trial long, word will spread, your sister _will_ return for it if the news reaches her."

"Perhaps she deserves to."

Privately Merlin agreed, she'd certainly been one of those worst wronged by him, but deserving was not a wise step in this particular situation. There were hundreds of 'deserving' surviving victims and many would prefer to take their pound of flesh to a sentence, and the inhabitants feared Morgana. He nodded pensively, "Perhaps. It would be a distraction though. We would have to have something in place to inhibit her magic."

Arthur looked at him coolly. "Can you do it?"

Merlin frowned, "With a night? I think so. The wards are a little stronger already which will help, she could notice though. It's not- it's a type of darker magic Arthur."

The soon to be King pinched his brow, thinking of those who had died at his sister's hands. Literally. "Do it. We will be prepared for either eventuality. You mentioned journals, have you seen them?"

Merlin shrugged, "No, not since I was delivering sleeping draughts, but I saw a few of Gwen's then, and she only began keeping one because Morgana kept them too. No one has been in that room since; she would know where to find them."

Arthur sighed, "She may go into the chambers, and find what we need, your mother can escort her. Just tell me you were not exaggerating about her recovery and injuries."

Merlin looked at him, smothering the instinct to smirk, a habit that now would be hurtful if continued. "Never with her. The knights, fuck yes, but never Gwen. She's waiting with mum for you to storm in all regal and entitled, and honestly, it looks bad but it will heal easily enough. Quicker if you let us tweak her treatment after the trial."

Arthur cringed, "Let's see how that goes before. She may have to serve as a visual reminder and heal normally. It'll make more of an impression when the next one doesn't."

Merlin nodded, it wasn't that he didn't care for his friend, or that Arthur was angry at her, but Gwen had knowingly put herself in the middle of court politics, and intended to remain an active part of it. There was a cost to that and in this particular move she was a pawn. Worst of all was that they _knew_ she would understand, and accept it, would not fight them on it. Merlin never _meant_ to draw attention to himself and was an expert in deflection, but Gwen had mastered the art of blending seamlessly into any context, at least on the surface. Idly Merlin wondered if losing herself would have been one had Gwen decided to become Arthur's queen. She had always defined herself rather rigidly in roles. An unhealthy habit that seemed common in those raised in Camelot. Then, "You said 'we' before."

"So did you." Merlin asserted.

"I didn't start it!" Exclaimed Arthur.

"You did you clotpole, that was definitely _you_." There was an awkward pause, broken by Merlin as he dropped his defiant look, "I don't think it matters you know. It's the truth, isn't it. Has been longer than I knew it anyway. Do you want me to ask any of the druids to be present for the hearing? They can travel faster than you."

Arthur resented his aching throat and hoarseness of his voice as he replied. "They'll not be on board with calling you Merlin and treating you like a mere servant. I don't see any of the ones from earlier dropping the 'Emrys' stuff."

Merlin closed his eyes. Neither did he. Certainly not _now._ "So maybe I have to come out of the shadows earlier than we planned. If I'm gonna testify against Uther in front of the Court its not like I can keep it all a secret, can I. Even if you keep it just to the Council, that's not-" He focused on calming his breathing, can't panic. Must. Not. Panic. "Forget about that for now. Do you _need_ them to make this work. What do _you_ need Arthur, we've done all the oaths and shit. I will follow orders if it comes to it, but I'd really rather help a friend, especially one who has had the _worst_ fucking day."

"Hmm? What? Oh." Arthur seemed to be lost in thought, "Mead. I need mead, Merlin; and my chambers. Possibly a tool to rewind time. I have to check Guinivere first," He held up a hand as Merlin opened his mouth, "I know you said she was fine, I just have to see it. I meant to see the council about him tomorrow anyway, so most things are ready and in place. I just never allowed in the plan for the trigger to be someone else. It wasn't supposed to hurt anyone else." He clenched his fist tightly.

"This was always coming Arthur, she was tolerated only because you favoured her, that was protection. She had already been accused of witchcraft at least twice, tried and condemned once. Gaius was tied to a pyre, I've jumped off one, been arrested for it- though to be fair _I_ was at least _guilty_ , tortured, been lynched, poisoned, stocked, honestly being 'hurt' is less surprising than _not_ being hurt. You can't blame yourself. This was _his_ action and his alone. You can't watch anyone every minute of every day."

"I can try." Growled the Prince.

"You can try. Gonna need a couple more sets of eyes to help though. I know a guy that might be interested, bit of an arse, almost definitely already waiting with the mead, and you know I've been protecting your royal arse for ages. Can't be too different to change from standing behind you to standing beside you." Merlin grinned easily, the lie they both heard, and the comfort he was offering in a way they could handle. Neither were ever that good at talking about _feelings_ and girlish things. Merlin had _not_ been joking when he told Arthur to mind his own business when they were going to meet his father; and he was the more emotionally fluent one. Leaving the scene that Arthur doubted he'd ever return to again he responded almost automatically.

"Don't strain yourself with that one step, try not to step on too many toes doing it."

"Oi! I've been practicing my dancing thanks!" Blurted Merlin.

Arthur raised a questioning brow, and the warlock blushed. "Gwen. She made me. Something about showing her up and dear gods how had I managed not to kill anyone flailing already. I think she was trying to set me up with one of the girls she knew from before."

"Uh-huh. Well, since you obviously don't need the hookup skills now, I'd much rather you paid attention to useful things. Seriously _Merlin,_ I don't pay you to _dance!"_

"You couldn't afford me anyway," smirked Merlin. "I'm waaaay out of your price range sweetie."

He cackled at the slow horror blooming on the prince's face, and the cuff only made him laugh harder. "Shut up you idiot, come on, people to see, places to be."

Merlin groaned, "Oh for fucksake, _please_ tell me one of those places to be is _bed."_ He caught the interested glance a passing servant shot them, "No Ed, no dice. You don't win any pool. This is only the exploitation of poor manservants by working late without paying overtime."  
The other man frowned, briefly disappointed and carried on. "What's overtime Merlin?"

"A hypothetical concept where 'working hours' are a thing employers recognise, and grant appropriate compensation for unreasonable demands made of employees and servants."

"That's not a thing _Merlin."  
_ The servant rolled his eyes and grumbled, "No, but it should be."

"God, you sound like you've got into the mead early." Arthur looked genuinely concerned for a moment.

"I live in hope. What can I say sire, I'm an optimist."

"Yet more proof, as if any more was required, that you are a complete idiot."

Merlin snorted, "At least I'm not an arrogant prat."

" _Arrogant?"_

His servant grinned, relieved that Arthur wasn't completely withdrawing into himself.

"It's an improvement. Really. Not in the morning. Other times." Arthur shoved Merlin, accidentally hurting his still fresh tattoo and prompting a sharp gasp of pain from him, "Shit, sorry Merlin," he muttered as the man hissed and glared at his friend, softening sooner than he wanted to, "This is literally the only time I will forgive that, and only because it's a first offence. For someone bitching about _my_ spatial awareness-" They reached the door of Gaius chambers and the conversation simply cut out. Merlin stepped aside and gestured for Arthur to go first, he'd burst in often enough when _he_ lived there. There was an unfamiliar hesitance in Arthur's manner that shouldn't be there thought Merlin, still, if he could survive Freya, and Percy could survive Dana, Arthur would recover. "Go on, you're making _me_ fucking nervous; and I do _not_ need the help here right now."

Arthur growled at himself, he was the prince dammit, the king in all but name, he could open a bloody door.

What he saw made the rage in him surge and want to reconsider his initial idea, and then Hunith was next to him, handing each man a full mug of ale, and chunks of bread. Hardly royal fare, but more than he'd expect to be welcomed with. "Welcome, Sire. I'm afraid Gaius is unavailable right now," began Hunith, knowing that they were here only to see Gwen, but giving Arthur an opening. "Actually Lady Hunith, I only wished to enquire after Gui- Lady Guinivere. When I heard what happened it was necessary to contain the situation. Your assailant has been arrested my Lady, and is to stand trial for a… a number of things. If you are recovered enough it would be very helpful to have your testimony given before the council, or Court. You are not the only one he has lost control of himself with, and as I understand it from interviewing the knights left to guard him, they were just in time to intervene."

Gwen looked up and held his eyes, telling herself sternly that it was only Arthur, "He went for his knife My Lord, and Sir Percival prevented him from using it." Arthur swallowed hard, he hadn't appreciated just _how close_ he came to losing her- her presence and wisdom anyway.  
"He is a good man. They both are." He watched carefully and saw her cheeks flush slightly, nodding as some form of resigned acceptance settled heavily in his gut.

"Then your testimony will be heard, with others. Likely the day after tomorrow."

He turned towards Hunith, "Thank you for attending her, it is reassuring to know we have more healers than just Gaius if Merlin breaks his neck tripping over a root. It is a chance for more than only the latest of his victims to come forward and be heard, but I need someone to be first. Will you stand up and speak for your family, and for the silent dead?"

Hunith trembled, but her chin tilted stubbornly up, "I will. It would be my honour Sire."

Arthur nodded, closing his eyes as he drank deeply, and then seemed to relax.

"I truly am glad that you escaped and will not suffer lasting harm Guinivere, and that in my absence there are still men of Camelot proud to protect you." He bent and kissed her cheek, and Gwen heard the unspoken goodbye. His own letting go. "There is much to do, for both myself and Merlin, but for tonight it would be wise that you to remain together. A knight will be directed to you-"

"No need." Came a calm voice from behind them, "I believe I will be quite sufficient, sires. I assure you, no harm will befall Lady Guinivere or the mother of-" Merlin stopped him with a none-too gentle mental call, "Uh, Lady Hunith, while we tarry here."

"If it helps, Arthur, the wards on that room make it the second safest in Camelot."

Arthur raised a brow, "And the first."

"Yours you royal prat."

Arthur only smiled, "Good to see you've got your priorities sorted."

Merlin glowered. "Come on. They're safe." He nodded to the Catha guard.

"Alright Arthur. Mind if we have a third for the mead part? Sources or not, I think we should keep Gwaine in the loop rather than have to try and mime instructions at him in the morning."

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine. Call him. I really don't want to have this conversation more than once."

"I don't know where..."

"The _other_ way, idiot." Arthur rolled his eyes at the obliviousness of some of his men.

"Oh. Right. Yeah, still getting used to that." And the trackers that tickled the back of his mind, realised Merlin. He could walk the route to Arthur's chambers in his sleep. Had done. So concentrating on sending a message while moving wasn't much of a challenge once he knew what Arthur meant.

The first thing that Merlin did when he entered the room was to draw every curtain. If his master and friend was going to have a meltdown or get totally pissed tonight- as he was perfectly entitled to do tonight- then he should be able to do it without uninvited witnesses. Arthur nodded his thanks. "I hope your cup fixing spell isn't a draining one."

"No, I was actually planning to practise that one repeatedly tonight, but I don't have many breakable dishes left. Originally intact. One basically has enough magic holding it together to be in the archives. There was a very unsubtle and non atmosphere respecting knock at the door. The kind that usually results in a harried mother rushing to the door drying hands on her skirt exasperatedly calling 'alright! I heard you the first time.'

Merlin reacted in much the same way, minus the skirt, including answering with hands on his hips looking well pissed off.

"Oh my goddess, seriously, you'd think he was trapped out there with a fucking Griffin."

Gwaine's face fell when he saw Merlin's. "Sorry?" he asked tentatively, looking at Arthur and getting a blank 'why would I know?' look back.

"You bring any dinner?" Merlin's brows rose expectantly.

Gwaine tried for innocent and achieved smug, "Might have, going by the quiet talk I figured you had other things on your mind."

Merlin huffed as he saw the covered basket. "Share it properly and I might forgive you. Mead?"

"Your doubt wounds me!" The melodramatic acting drew a smile from the Prince which he tried to cover by coughing, "Sit your ass down Gwaine, before I take the food and throw _you_ out."

Opening his mouth to retort, he saw Merlin's expression and shut it again, obediently checking the door was shut and bringing his cargo to the table. Merlin's eyes flashed at the door, locking it and joined the other two. Tension draining from him as he melted into the chair. "So, most important things first. Merlin, shirt off. You never showed either of us what you actually agreed to."

Merlin was gobsmacked, the man was unbelievable. Here they were arresting a king, and Gwaine was demanding he take off his shirt, and yet some treacherous part of him warmed that he'd _remembered_ despite everything else that _his_ day had been as significant personally as the one where Arthur came of age and was officially made Camelot's Crown prince, and once again the importance shoved out of the way by an Arthur and Camelot crisis.

He looked apologetically towards Arthur and to his surprise saw only amusement in his face. "Well, do as the man says Merlin, I thought your listening skills were supposed to be getting better." Not sure exactly what he was expected to reply with Merlin gulped, and shaking fingers went to his laces. Gwaine rolled his eyes, "We've seen you bathing before mate, and Princess saw the rest with Mab. No one else is watching." He glared back, at his lover, waving a finger, "Shut up Gwaine, I _will_ silence you!"

Arthur's eyes lit up, "You can do that?!"

Merlin rolled his eyes, "In so many ways... But yes, I have a Gwaine-silencing spell. To use in emergencies."

Gwaine wiggled his eyebrows and Arthur snorted, "Not the time Sir Gwaine. Focus."

"Oh, not a problem Princess, I am _very_ focused right now." He gazed intensely at Merlin and the man blushed, but his fingers stopped trembling so Arthur let it go.

Taking a deep breath their warlock did as he'd been told and removed the dressing, watching their reactions carefully, especially Arthur's, who had grown up in a very anti-anything different environment. A broad grin spread over Gwaine's face as he nodded in some satisfaction, and Arthur's mouth fell slightly open as he moved to have a closer look, "Did it hurt?" fell from his lips and he mentally cursed himself for it. "No Sire, being repeatedly stabbed by sharp pointy things was like being licked by kittens." The corners of Arthur's lips twitched.  
"It actually wasn't that bad. I think it's healing faster than it's supposed to. My magic is happy." He shrugged.

"Do you know what they mean?"

" _Nooo sire,_ I had the magic elders permanently ink symbols on my body without checking- of course I know what they mean you Prat!"

"Well? Are you going to tell us or are we supposed to guess? If you haven't noticed I'm somewhat lacking spare time." He regretted the last as Merlin's evident happiness dimmed a little and he caught Gwaine's glare.

Nothing showed in his servant-advisor's voice though, "Sure. Crann bethadh in the centre here has many meanings, too many to explain simply without more background but that you'd understand? Um, harmony I guess, balance, the connection of worlds and interconnectedness of the world, rebirth. We don't really have time tonight, but there are books I can show you. I'm unfinished by a long way, but they prefer to do it in sections anyway. Around it is I think Kilgarrah as ouroboros. Again, it has many meanings, and they made the circle of endless knots. He's the infinity symbol, an eternal cycle, the end is the beginning… I'm just glad they remembered to give him wings so I don't have to explain the lack to him. Funny enough they sit near to my heart and lungs." He chuckled, trying desperately not to consider the other possible meaning he saw of Kilgarrah, his family, guarding everything crann bethadh represented. Forever. Until one age gave way to the next. His voice might have cracked then just once. "I think he did that on purpose."

Merlin indicated his shoulder, turning, "He incorporated three symbols into one image here, easy to see and identifiable on sight to any druid. So many meanings in one but they work. Three in one. It can be taken as anything from sky, land and sea, to mother, maiden and crone; Past, Present, Future." He looked straight at Gwaine, swallowing as he saw the nod of understanding. "I suppose it could even represent Courage, strength, and magic." He tried for levity. "Part of it means wholeness. They'll add more specific things over time from the designs I've seen. I'm to choose where the raven is placed next. Definitely waiting until these are completely healed though, and the bruising is gone."

Arthur was frozen, in awe if Merlin could judge him with any accuracy, and it left him feeling distinctly awkward. "Hey, it's just ink, alright? I didn't go get myself crowned or anything." Part lie, but he didn't have to admit that tonight. "If you pair have finished ogling me, there are other things to discuss."

Gwaine couldn't hide his smile, even as he poured generous measures of mead for each of them.

"If that was your most important thing, you've obviously been in already to check on Gwen and established she is not in immediate danger. I'm slightly curious as to your lack of uh- _response_ to her attacker."

Gwaine nodded seriously, raising his cup, "Ah, yes. It was the first thing I did after raiding the kitchen and getting the gossip. Now usually I would absolutely be keen to have a few minutes with someone who hurt an unarmed friend, but I _also_ heard who was guarding him. I rather think Lance and Percival will do a better job of anything than I would, really I'd hinder their effectiveness and that doesn't exactly help dear Gwen now, does it?"

Merlin put his head in his hands as Gwaine suddenly seemed to remember that Uther was Arthur's father. "Sorry princess, but it's true. Even for Uther, attacking Gwen while she brought him food and medicine was crossing a line. I mean she literally told Merlin not to let Morgana kill him for murdering- sorry, executing - her dad. Woman's as close to a Saint as exists in Camelot." Merlin groaned.

"What?" Gwaine paused, and abruptly shut up.

"Thanks Merlin"

The warlock shrugged, "That wasn't me sire, that was delayed realisation he was accidentally being a dick."

"Seems like personal growth then." Arthur drank about half his cup, spearing a slice of meat. "At least he did not come empty handed."

Gwaine grimaced, "I would never-"

Both of the men looked incredulously at him and he sighed, "Fine, I wouldn't if I knew that a friend needed me not to. Otherwise I will accept free food from anyone without cause to kill me."

Merlin snorted, "Good. Honesty is not dead." That had Gwaine raising both brows at him meaningfully.

Arthur's response sounded like it was dragged from him, "You're right really. I wanted… I _want_ to kill him. You're an impulse- kill risk if he threatens another." Side eyeing Merlin, "Sirs Percival and Lancelot will both hold back. They won't be goaded into reacting. It's safer this way."

Nodding his agreement, Gwaine grimaced, "So have you decided what to do yet? It's a hell of a thing to come home to, and throws a hammer in your last plan."

The prince frowned, shaking his head, "No Gwaine. Minor adjustments. You are just going to have to trust Merlin while he does something that scares you shitless; and me." Arthur looked wrecked, and there wasn't a way to ease _this_ pain.

The knight crossed his arms "What are you saying Princess."

As Arthur slowly began to explain, Gwaine listened, and paled, because it was obvious that Merlin agreed, and once you imprisoned a king, you really had to present a _very good argument_ for it. Especially if one of the charges was treason.


	58. Chapter 58

"Give me the day to speak to some of the castle staff Arthur. I can't exactly invite Kilgarrah in front of them? Or ask him to appear, and honestly I don't think it would help our cause to have the dragon not be the one up for sentencing."

Arthur hummed, pacing. "Kilgarrah was guarded. He was fed. He was known by some, despite being kept secret from most of us. Find the guards who did so. Find out what their price was, money or safety. Make sure that they'll speak for us, after the valley I don't particularly care how. Give me options, suggestions."

Merlin's brows pinched together, "Gaius knows who 'gave mercy' to their children, at least some of them, I can ask for their testimony if you can guarantee their families security. My mother, obviously, from at least two perspectives. Isildur will come. I have Masters Finian and Oswald, who could speak, but that would require showing people who they were, and telling them about the healers' _other_ training. Gwaine?"

The brunette's head jerked up, "Hm? What?" Merlin looked like he might hit the man. "Oh. Oooh, yeah. You're planning to speak as yourself yeah? Tell them about the realities and some of the shit 'normal' Camelotians have missed; Your Mam is having to don her _old life_ rags to speak to the Court and be credible aye? So what with the druids coming and all I figure it might make sense to temporarily _for one day only_ , while it's going to be the least important thing, take up my old handle. You both get to see the look on Uther's face, and tease me for eternity, I get to shamelessly use rank the way they have backed themselves into a corner over accepting nobility by blood to mean 'trustworthy' and watch 'em squirm." He grinned for a moment before his voice became deadly serious.

"I've seen the results of Uther's 'protection', met survivors, saw the results years ago when they hadn't learned how to live underground yet- or maybe there were just more of them left to find back then.  
I'm no honourable Prince like you Princess, but I was there in the Halls when they came begging, I saw how desperate and weak they were. What treatment they were willing to accept in exchange for even the smallest help as long as they were not to be handed over to witchfinders or Uther. Their fear. I can't prove the burnt out druid camps were him, might even have not been on occasion. If it helps you both though, I can be 'Lord Gwaine' for a day." He trailed off and glanced down at himself. "I don't suppose you've a suitable tunic for it?"

Merlin groaned, putting his head in his hands.

Despite himself Arthur smirked, feeling slightly less like he was alone with this. "No; but I _do_ have a warlock. I'm sure he could come up with something." He arched a light eyebrow at Merlin, who glared at him but mumbled an agreement.

"Fine. I'll do something, but I am _not_ the man with fashion sense, or who _notices_ it. You need Gwen or Arthur for that. Maybe Leon."

Gwaine looked quizzically at him as he added the last man's name.

The warlock in question was shaking his head despairingly, "I doubt any frills and ribbons will cover up the lack of manners or etiquette mate, they won't buy it."

The knight snorted, flashing him a grin, "Please, just because I don't _use_ them to people I lack respect for doesn't mean I don't _know_ them Merlin."

That earned him a shove. "Good luck with that. Don't break Sir Leon with it."

Gwaine smiled, "I won't. I'll be good."

Arthur crossed arms over his chest thoughtfully. He wasn't sure about throwing it all at the council and Court, but if he wanted it to be taken seriously…

"He has been increasingly violent towards the Regent and made repeated threats. There are servants within the house who may come forward about his history if Merlin and Gwen do. Can you guarantee that the Druids would be peaceful Merlin?

Merlin's lips pressed together and he shivered. "Truthfully? As 'just Merlin' No. As Lord Emrys? I'm as close to a king as they ever get, except for you. If I call, they will come, as promised… in peace, not war, even if Uther is stood openly and unbound between guards. Looks like I went official just in time."

"Huh. Sooo, topless in court? That might get distracting." Gwaine grinned.

Merlin rolled his eyes, "No, you ass, not planning that ever, outside of specific ceremonies. The dragonlord coat will leave arms and shoulders visible, and jog the memories of the older ones without me having to overtly scream it right now."

"Eesh, that sounds uncomfortable, leather tight to skin," his knight grimaced and shuddered.

"Really Gwaine? From you?"

"Tried it mate. Do not recommend. You could do what Percy does, he has sleeveless tunics, not that they'd fit _you."_

Merlin considered it.

"That's actually not a bad idea but for one thing. The only shirts I have left, courtesy of the Prat and Gwen, are way too new and fancy to damage, tearing off sleeves like that."

Gwaine winced, and guilt tinged Arthur's expression, even as he answered arrogantly, "Well I could hardly have presented you as an equal in _actual rags_ either. You'll just have to speak to her and explain. If reason doesn't work appeal to her nosiness and protective instinct by telling her you need it to make your ink clearly visible to everyone so it's understood. Don't show her. If you have to you can even feign self consciousness or wanting to show people together. I really don't care _how_ you do what you're told tonight."

"Okaaay. It's a beginning. Gwaine, you know who to speak to for discreet rumour spreading in the right ears. Maybe draw out some of the things people felt had to be covered up, or people they saw tricked. I have a couple of possibilities, but they're unlikely to be willing, and as you pointed out, ghosts can't testify."

Gwaine, who had been fidgeting, froze. "Wait. Ghosts can't, but what about spirits?"

"What _are_ you talking about?"

"Well princess, I don't know about you, but the pretty drowny mermaid was way less concerning than the visitors before that. I figure, if they have water ones, why not in the fire, or air, or mud or something. I mean they must be pretty pissed about being part of the fires and shit."

Merlin's mouth dropped open as he shook his head vehemently, trying to convey silently to Gwaine how _terrible an idea_ that was. It was too late. Arthur had caught onto the line of thought.

"Is it true? Is he right, Merlin? Are there others?"

Merlin swallowed thickly, "Yes… He is right in that there are _others._ Not _mud,_ no-one has _mud_ spirits, that's just stupid. Trees though… and forests… they might be willing to send a representative. There are- there is _something_ in the air. I do not understand what but it is not like you and I. Fire is volatile. There are magical creatures fire burns in, the phoenix, dragons. If there is such a thing as a fire spirit I doubt they would be a natural friend to me, I do not burn, it would make me unsafe in their eyes. A threat they've no defence against, or a rival. If you want someone to be cooperative, choose one of the living, not elemental."

"You would not consider yourself as of the elements?" Arthur asked calmly.

"I consider myself living." He snapped, "It seems _Magic and Destiny_ consider me a link between worlds. Between Peoples. Dryads and Naiads have no defences here, I will not ask them to walk into this. At least not while Uther lives. Find another way."

Arthur frowned, deep lines showing on his face, "I know no-one except yourself, your mother, and Gwen who can testify against him this way, at least willingly."

Merlin shook his head, "There's Gaius, and he may know others; Balinor can't be the only one he knew of outside."

Merlin's mouth turned downward, he _knew_ he hadn't been, there was Alice at the very least.

"Lord Geoffrey might." Suggested Gwaine.

Arthur shook his head, "No, if he does he cannot be witness to my account."

His warlock frowned, "You still have his records though, do you not? They were 'found' during your investigation. You can use them as part of your own submission surely? I know you hate to lie, but you came across them searching, studied them yourself, Leon can verify them if you want, and they were in the library. You don't have to explain, and you're the regent. You don't owe anyone an explanation of any of it."

"I suppose. You will not ask anyone else?" Arthur was plainly distressed, but Merlin didn't feel he had the right to ask others to take that risk. They'd hear it as a command rather than a request.

"I'll speak to the druids Arthur, and the few others I know of, but you can't promise me they'll be safe. Can you? Safe from _you_ yes, safe from Sir Leon, and Percival, and Gwaine, but not _truly safe_ in Camelot."

Arthur's hand tightened into fists, and the muscle jumped in his jaw, "No. You can though. Emrys can."

Merlin looked at Arthur open mouthed, _"ARTHUR!_ I'm still illegal. Technically you're still required by law to burn me… And anyone else confessing to having or being magic, not just loving one who is. How the fuck do you not get the risk everyone is taking? Enough that people are offering to speak on behalf of their friends and family who had magic, admitting they have associated it and are sympathisers. You can tell the whole of Camelot you knew about me, but it won't make them trust magic, or me. I can be Emrys for the ones who need it, but druids are not ALL magic, and that's common knowledge, only _close_ to magic. Uther needs to go on trial for this, but after _that_ you're still going to have to decide what to do with _me."_

Merlin was horrified at the tears of rage and fear that betrayed him, but Arthur didn't acknowledge it, and Gwaine only placed a hand silently on his knee.

Arthur stroked his chin, head spinning, "So. Two _separate trials?_ I suppose they are separate charges. Violence against the regent, the Regent's openly courted Lady- our separation is not yet common knowledge, and my father had not been informed. Gaius is due to witness before the council to his long sickness and failing treatment."

"So what, remove him from power, then try him for crimes committed during his reign?" Merlin looked horrified and fascinated at the same time.

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Arthur I have _no ideas…_ and if I did this still would not be a place to air them, because it is _your burden_ this time. Just as you can suggest things for the Druid meeting, but the decision ultimately rests with me."

Arthur sighed, exhausted, "Go Merlin and get Guinivere and your mother. Take them to Morgana's old chambers, find the journals. I know you will protect the women best, and who knows what darkness may linger there from her use of dark magic. You made clear no knight is enough for that. Then bring Morgana's back. Leave Guinivere's with her, I won't violate her privacy unless I absolutely must. Expect to be watched, it will be known what has happened to king Uther by now. You are known to be closer to me than only a servant."

Merlin nodded. It was late for such a thing, but if he cast a light concealment spell they shouldn't draw attention. Let the gossips believe that he had left and remained in the physicians rooms.

"Yes Sire."

He left, retracing his steps, and startling those in Gaius' home. It was clear from their guilty expressions that he had interrupted something, but he really didn't have time now to unpick it. "I need Gwen and Mum, not for long, you can go back to whatever scheming you were doing soon enough."

Gaius eyed his visitors wanly, "I told you he'd know. Merlin there is something that you should have had a long time ago that was hidden. Repeat the directions I'm giving you to Lachlans ghost and he will take you where I cannot." Gaius pushed a scrap of parchment into Merlin's hand and meeting his ward's eyes he paused, "How does it feel?"

The old man indicated his chest and shoulder.

"Like it should. Healing well."

Merlin could see his uncle wanted to ask something more, wanted to see, but it felt wrong with others present.

"Good, that's good." His mentor's smile was tired, but more genuine than it had been for some time.

Merlin ran a hand through his hair, "Mum _is_ looking after you? I've not been here really to ask."

It was stilted, not like they were used to, but it was more than the healer's business only that Merlin had withdrawn to, and Gaius was relieved at the olive branch.

"Hunith was my best student Merlin, she'd take care of me by force and fiendish ways even if I had the energy to fight her on it. It was _her_ who used to drug _me_ before you. Take them to do whatever it is and bring them back on time, there's questionable men abroad you know!"

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Let them come. There's no one abroad to take on me."

Gaius looked unconvinced and raised The Eyebrow. "Be careful."

"Amn't I always?" Merlin's words brought back better memories of easier things, things that had felt impossible at the time, and yet now seemed so easy in comparison to what they faced now. Gaius smiled wryly, "Not really, no. Come back with them." His ward nodded tightly, turning to the women.

Merlin frowned; "There is something I need to retrieve, Gwen. You and Morgana kept them, hers would still be hidden in her chambers. Arthur isn't asking to see yours, you are here to speak on your own behalf. I never did sneak a look you know, even when you left it out on the desk." He raised an eyebrow and Gwen reluctantly nodded her understanding.

Gwen walked by his side, confident in where she was going. Hunith walked more cautiously behind him, guarded, before he reached out to touch her arm.

"Don't. Gaius is right. There is danger in the darkness for the unwary, stay with me."

She nodded, "Just memories love, and I don't want to crowd you."

He sighed, "It's far less of a distraction if I know you are both safe, don't dither."

"What are we doing?" She whispered.

Merlin shrugged, "Depends who you ask. We're taking a walk in the fresh night air, or we are looking for a lost thing, or we a breaking into sealed chambers. Why?"

Hunith smiled, "I see. The witch may have earned condemnation, but the child she was still deserves justice. Creative."

Merlin winced at seeing the same compassion she had raised him with unchanged. "Mother, I have given you some protection, but even whispers are dangerous here. I can't risk a silencing spell without knowing if she's set wards or something. Unlikely, she's too impulsive to think to do that, but Morgause would. Hopefully her pride won out here."

He slowed as they came to Morgana's quarters, testing with his own magic and shaking his head, "Nothing obvious," He gestured to Gwen, "Go on, shouldn't take you long to find them." He smiled lightly, closing the door behind them as Gwen went straight to her own hiding place, retrieving the journal and nibbling her lip as she looked around for Morgana's box, frowning, "What?" He asked.

A look of distress crossed her features, "It's gone."

"What's gone?"

Gwen took a deep breath, "The box she kept it in, with the pendant I- With some precious things." She finished lamely.

Merlin groaned, the room was soaked in magic, like he knew his own were, it would be like looking for a specific piece of hay in a stable, but he had to try, he closed his eyes and found his inner balance, looking. There was as knot of magic that felt different, felt sentimental. Loving? And guarded. He followed it and opened his eyes, blinking away the gold, ignoring the way Gwen froze beside him. "It's here, hidden. Maybe she meant to come back for it, or maybe she just didn't want it found. Funny, I'd have expected her to destroy it… unless she Saw… Never mind." It looked as though the air shimmered under his hand and he tried not to _break_ the _clean_ feeling magic as he pried open the lid enough to extract the personal journal of the almost princess, glancing at Gwen as he did. "Do you want the other things here?" He kept his voice gentle.

"No. No, they were for her, with her. They should stay here… maybe she'll want to remember one day."

He looked at her, troubled, "Gwen, you know you can't-"

"I know. I can't go back; and we're both too different now anyway. Maybe she'll need to remember she was loved once, one day. She must have had a reason for hiding it."

Merlin didn't argue. Gwen had enough grief and judgement to deal with, and far more still to come.

Her expression calmed though and was business-like as she surveyed Hunith and pressed her lips together, shaking her head. "That won't do for court, come. These will never be worn again. Some of it at least can be used."

In a matter of fact way, Guinivere sifted through the abundance of dresses, tunics, and under skirts with the efficiency of an experienced handmaid who knew exactly what she was looking for, nodding firmly when she was satisfied and replacing most of it. Picking up the small pile carefully and her journal she looked at Merlin, who was becoming steadily more agitated by the delay. "Do you know how to get us past silently?"

"Yes. I just had to make sure she hadn't set magic-sensing traps first."

"Then do it already!" Gwen rolled her eyes, seeming to decide that magic was ok as long as he kept it to practical small applications. He hadn't really had a chance to discuss that further with Gwen, and he wished he had, but he was already trying not to have a panic attack over it all. The three sorcerers had obviously gone straight back to whatever scheming it was before and Merlin mentally counted to ten for patience as the two main women in his life joined them.

Gaius eyed them carefully, "I trust you found what you needed?"

"We did Gaius, thank you."

"Of course my; of course Merlin." Looking self consciously at the old man, and sideways to Finian, as though drawing confidence, he stepped further into the crowded room and looked around critically. "You know this really isn't big enough to have guests anymore Gaius. I thought moving out would give you _more_ space, not less!" He tutted. "Nope. Can't just leave it like this, you'd have dear Gwen on the floor! And her a proper Lady now as well. No- wait, you're not hiding anything that'll scar me up there are you? He nodded to his old room and Hunith suspiciously shook her head,

" _Merlin…"_

He ignored the warning tone and stretched out a hand, eyes twinkling with mischief as well as magic in a way that made Gaius instantly suspicious.

" _BÓsum_ _faldas_ _æt mín_ _eyre"_

Opening the door Merlin couldn't help the grin that lit his face, turning back to them.

"There, much better, no screens yet, but at least you can actually use the sick beds for sick people now." Gwen went first and clapped her hands over her mouth before she could scream, looking in something like awe at Merlin who blushed and shrugged. "Disguise. Don't need it now, do I?" Seeing his uncertainty, as though he expected her to run away at any moment, she flung herself at him whispering a thank you.

"Merlin! What in Camelot have you done to my chambers boy?!"

"He turned to Gaius and shrugged, smiling cheekily at Finian and Oswald, "Improved them. Not that you'll have to pay any more in rent, because then they'll have to admit it happened." Gaius glared and went slowly up the stairs to check, coming back down with a resigned look. "You. Leeches. Tomorrow."

He rolled his eyes, "That may have to wait Gaius, as it turns out tomorrow is rather busy, and _you_ are supposed to be involved in deposing a king, so and early night for all may be in order, unless this is a _relevant_ bout of scheming, and _my_ Catha are not defecting."

He glared at them without much heat, confident the weren't.

"No Master, we'll be good Sir."

Merlin snorted in disbelief, "Sure you will. Goodnight everyone." He clutched the journal of Lady Morgana tightly as he made his way back to Arthur's chambers, wondering if it was possible to be elated and grumpy at the same time.

As soon as he left them Oswald whistled, "Never heard that one before, or seen it."

Finian looked at him dryly, "That's because the idiot made it up on the spot."

"Why do you keep calling the genius an idiot?"

"Because he has little common sense to go with the power, and apparently forgot that we're not the only ones who use castle shape is well known, they'll probably notice that sort of adjustment."

"Then either he doesn't care, or has accounted for it." Oswald smiled, "Time doesn't bother him. Why should space?"

Finian froze. "Fuck." He said.

Hunith cleared her throat, "So those items you said That Lord Geoffrey knew of, can you get them for me by tomorrow?"  
He smiled, "I can certainly do _that_ my Lady, I just have to find out _where._ Time for a proper visit I believe. Master Oswald? You will guard the Lady Guinivere and Mother of Emrys whilst I search." The other man nodded his agreement, "It will be my honour."

Arthur and Gwaine saw the handle move and stopped talking. Waited.

Merlin burst through with all his usual decorum, but the door closed more quietly this time.

"Got it. I haven't looked at it, but it was hidden well, with magic and- and no dark magic. It feels like we shouldn't look, but we have to. She's gone."

Arthur swallowed. "Then open it. I read the death lists of my father first, you begin the Sorceress's diary."

"Witch" Corrected Merlin automatically, as he followed the instruction. His magic flowed over it, relishing the feel of the witch's core, without the pollutants. He called it back, trying to focus on the task, but it seemed to have a magic key, and opened easily as something in their magic matched up, giving him chills.

The leather-thong loosened and he unwound it, opening the heavy cover, by the quality of the carved leather it had obviously been a gift for the daughter of a king.

The first page froze Merlin. It was titled _'For the hidden Sorcerer, the shadow man in my mind.'_

It may as well have said his name, but he was _sure_ Morgana did not know. He continued, his tongue feeling thick and clumsy.

" _Whoever is reading this now I do not know, I never See your face, but it is meant for you to find one day, no one else could have done so… They haven't told me why. I have seen your pain, your actions- even you hands a few times, and yet never your face. Why is it hidden from me? I see the faces of everyone else. My maid, Guinivere, or perhaps you already know, I believe you may have met her, thinks I am recording things as she does. Events. Sentiment. My thoughts. In a way I am, but not in the same way. Her own desires may be recorded, but should mine be, it may endanger their subjects, especially when they are so rarely of acceptable rank. Something about rank though seems to corrupt a man, to bleed any goodness from him. Perhaps it is power, I have never yet me a man who is both powerful and good, except perhaps Arthur, and his pride and blindness to Uther's cruelty endangers that._

 _You see it, don't you. You who read my words._

 _Guinivere's are the common type of secrets and thoughts, and meant for no eyes, and I tell her mine are not either. Surely it is not wrong to lie to keep her safe? It's the only thing I can do for someone I love. I did not_ begin _writing this with the intent to show it to anyone, at least not in such a way, they would have thought me mad anyway. It is only now; now that I understand what plagues me, why it mattered to record them at all, that I write this. Something must have known then of course, to leave a blank leaf first. This is an account of my dreams, dear Sorcerer, the dreams that were not dreams, and in just a few places, a record of how they came to pass, how my attempts to avoid them did fail.  
Nothing can stop it, sorcerer. My hope fades day by day, and I know that if I tell anyone I shall burn, I have Seen it. The land scorched around Arthur in his battle armour. When we were children, before Uther broke us, taught Arthur not to feel, and me to be an elegant sacrifice. No child should see what we have Seen. My worst horrors followed me into the night, but we both had plenty of them whilst awake. There were no ways to impress his father but ruthlessness, or obedience- provided it was obedience to Uther's will of course. _

_If this is to be my confession, if I am dead, or exiled, I suppose I should include my own misdeeds, lest it obscure understanding of my visions. I have wished on many occasions for my Guardians death, as I am forced to glory in his unjust slaughter. Each time qI attend such a feast it feels like I am being forced to drink the blood of those like me. Perhaps it is even a sentiment you know-_ why _can I never see you? Why do you hide so? Could we not have worked together from the inside? I got so far as to arrange his death on one occasion. Tonight I could not explain to you why I relented, but that the heart makes us all fools. They lead us into traps, and down such pathways we never sought to tread. My own brother seems never to stop following it them. It is not always his fault, his folly, sometimes I See troublemakers before they arrive, although that idiot servant of his appears to have better luck against them than I ever did. It has made it impossible to give any of my own suiters a chance. Perhaps that is a blessing. Enough wards of kings will tell you such men give you no choice, no knowledge often enough of those who buy women._

 _I have Seen some of_ your _deeds my sorcerer, Great, and Terrible. Mightier than any of them, yet you are invisible, I once suspected I knew you, but that was a fool's hope. It begins to seem that all hope is so._

 _I try to join the usual life of the Court, politely, and it is Dull. Goddess! How many conversations can one_ have _about a tapestry, or a new fashion of wearing our hair! They are shallow, and unwilling to risk any meaningful interaction with 'Uther's Ward'. It's impossible to realise just how isolated you are until you have been fairly included by people; I don't know why I couldn't stay with the Druids, I fit with them. They seemed to fear me- that's sensible for one of Uther's house-hold- but are kinder, open, their answers made sense. Their respect is given where it is earned. Maybe I could have had a life with them, but Arthur brought me back._

 _He thinks I do not know._

 _That I_ cannot _know what they have done. Too naive or stupid to realise when he and his men are the very ones who bring innocents here knowing their fate is already sealed._

 _I've thought about it- I bet you have too, my sorcerer; I can't decide which would be more impactful. Uther burning me at the pyre, the shameful death, more painful and slow… or the quick, merciful blade after the slow drum beat. The march of death. He wouldn't kill me in sackcloth. He never takes away the decorations. It doesn't make sense, the shackles aren't less degrading for it._

 _The pride and stupidity of men will be Camelot's undoing._

 _Arthur is improving in those ways, slowly, but he is not willing to do what must be done to bring peace or stability. The knights hate what they don't understand sorcerer; and Arthur is his father's man. Only love could change that, and he loves no one more than Uther. The king spent long years hardening our hearts to the weakness that is love, and so I have found it to be, yet I would not give it up. I have no illusions, Sorcerer, I will never keep the one_ I _love, it would be cruel, and Arthur thinks love is a fallacy. Duty over heart. That may be Uther's worst harm to us. To steal and warp the ability to give and accept love, but it's hardly illegal, or even violent._

 _I'm trying very hard not to dwell on the reasons that I am not present when you find this. Where I might be that you are driven to look for a young woman's personal journal, for shame! There could have been anything here, I have no reason to spare the sensibilities of one who has gone to lengths to violate my privacy. If I am dead, as seems likely, please find a way to mark where I lie. If I'm not, I probably don't want to know. I rarely See things I would wish to live through. If you know who she is, sorcerer, save Gwen. She has never done anything to harm Camelot, she's innocent, protect my maid. My friend, if I can't anymore._

 _Once there were books of prophecy, that's what the druids said. My sister refuses to speak of those. I feel a sense of kinship with the men and women who must have written them, their names lost from history now. Maybe all the writings had come to pass and the were no longer needed. I've only a little teaching about it, but I think that these are as close to a new book of prophecies as exists. Pay careful heed Sorcerer for not all have been fulfilled._

 _Some will not believe what is written here, others would be too cowardly to admit it, and will deny everything but I swear, my sorcerer, I have only recorded the truth of our lives, and my visions in the pages that follow._

 _Blessed be,_

 _Lady Morgana of the House of Gorlois._

It bore her seal, and Merlin was chilled. Obviously she had hidden it before fully becoming the puppet of her sister, but had she kept one after the point that she did submit? Merlin placed it down on the table, fuming that it had been there, waiting for him since before she left, and that she had known some of what had been coming. Still, he couldn't exactly blame her for _not_ telling him, when he had given no real indication that he believed her visions mattered, or were real, let alone could change things, like Sofia.

He groaned, then cursed. "I can't read this Arthur, and you can't either. Her dreams were accurate, but some were self fulfilling, there's no way we can make this public. I need Finian, Isildir, Kilgarrah before even beginning to look at it. Even after you'll only be safe to read certain excerpts- don't give me that look, same rule for me here." He rubbed long hands down his face. "Fuck, we're going to have to see Gwen's. Who's going to tell her?"

The joint 'Not me.' came so fast that it took Merlin a minute to process.

"For courage and strength you're bloody cowards! You know that right?"

Gwaine smirked "But alive cowards Merlin, this is _wisdom_. I know it's unfamiliar to you, especially regarding women."

Merlin sent a rude gesture in Gwaine's direction, "Fine, I'll do it, but you pair owe me!"

"I'm the Crown Prince, I don't owe people anything."

Merlin stared at the man, "You're the Crown Prince, you've offered 'the People' you're entire fucking life _Sire."_

Arthur scanned Merlin carefully, noting his taut muscles, the tension coiled in him, the heightened readiness for an attack at any moment. Tiny changes, that he might have missed before that changed him from Just Merlin to Emrys."This whole prophecy thing really bothers you huh?"

"Gods and Goddesses yes. I've had cause to listen to her visions before. She is _accurate._ On occasioneven helpful. If it was someone unknown, unheard of, making unsubstantiated claims I would be careful, but not fear to open the bloody book. Gaius has plenty with shaky dream-interpretation stuff. Morgana's visions seem to have focused on you often, which made sense before because you had a strong emotional bond, and were like her brother, subconsciously she'd likely watch for your safety. At this point, if I read one and got it wrong or misunderstood, it could be disastrous for all of us. I'd totally do it if I was still on my own, no doubt about _that_. Any help or hint then was help I couldn't afford to ignore. No matter who it came from. Right now I really _want_ to read it, what if I _need_ to? But I also have input from the Once and Future King, and other sources of information. We need to know what she wrote without reading the _visions_. We need someone outside to screen it first. Mum and Gaius are out, obviously. Kilgarrah's as likely to burn it as read it. Gwen shouldn't have to know some of what _has_ to be in it, that would be cruel. Gwaine- No. Just no. Leaves me with Finian and Oswald, Chief Isildir, and Lord Geoffrey. All of whom are familiar with the prophecies she states are destroyed."

Arthur drained his cup, gesturing for Gwaine to refill it as Merlin paced. He'd be useless at pouring in that frame of mind, and had apparently been wasted as a servant, yet he was right, retaining the position had meant he was always present and rarely noticed.

"Call in your artistic friends, and let's see what they say. Allow them to read it, and separately one of the Catha, then see if their responses line up."

Merlin flopped into a chair, "Yes sire. Right away sire." He yawned.

"Are you trying to say I am _boring you?!"_ Demanded Arthur with feigned outrage.

"No." Mumbled Merlin, absently waving a hand, "You're just… blurry, is all." Arthur sighed, noting the stars. It had been a ridiculously long day for them all, and the adrenaline from the pain of having his chest and shoulder inked would be wearing off. Arthur couldn't possibly sleep, but he needed Merlin sharp. "You have one hour to sleep. Then I'm waking you whether or not you're moving like the living dead. One. Hour. There's still a bed in the antechamber if you want quiet, and if you don't you can crash on mine this one time. I'd _like_ the excuse to use some of your wake up techniques."  
"Arthur?" Merlin looked confused.

"Go to sleep already idiot."

Gwaine smirked, it was like watching a frog try to climb a tree when he witnessed the Prince attempting sensitivity. The prince caught him and glared, but Gwaine only shrugged easily. After so few admissions of care for _anyone, especially Merlin,_ he reserved the right to smirk behind a closed door.

He realised that their warlock must truly be exhausted to be falling asleep where he was, and rolled his eyes. Looking at him for a minute and back to Arthur he strode over and scooped Merlin up without warning. Ignoring the outraged squawk Gwaine deposited the mass of flailing limbs onto Arthur's bed. "Stay! Good mighty warlock."

"Oi! You arse! His boots are filthy, they absolutely _cannot_ be allowed to touch the royal sheets."

"Too late Princess."

"I have servants to fix that." Gwaine glowered and Arthur snorted, "Not _that_ one obviously. I'm taking him off laundry duty."

Gwaine smiled and Arthur rushed to deny any sentiment, "No, don't you give me that look, I'm not _worried_ about him. We just can't afford any mistakes."

"Whatever you say, Arthur."

His easy smile irritated Arthur, it was true, he needed Merlin to be not be tired, it would hinder them. Concern had nothing to do with his relenting and wish to see him get some rest. It was practical.

Arthur sighed, arguing with Gwaine was like picking an argument with a mule… and he wasn't wrong.

He saw the scrunched piece of parchment in the man's hands. He was already dead to the world.

"Don't" warned Gwaine sharply, too late to stop the Prince from reaching for the message. He groaned as unconscious Merlin was triggered by someone trying to take something Important. Flashes of gold around it stung Arthur like nettles, and he moaned something in what sounded like the old tongue. Perfect. He sleep spelled. Arthur looked towards Gwaine, flinging a hand out, "Well what the fuck do we do now?!" Merlin moaned.

"I warned you princess, why do you _always_ have to touch?" But he was slipping his boots off and leathers.

"Well I know that now!" The prince growled, "You're the one used to sleeping with him, fix it!"

Gwaine looked dryly at the prince, "As you command, _sire."_

Ignoring Arthur he slipped in next to Merlin, wrapping arms firmly around and gritting his teeth against the sparks he still gave off frequently, trying to avoid the raw areas, sliding fingers in Merlin's hair and holding him until he relaxed again and the gold faded, leaving Arthur staring at him.

"Why don't the sparks hurt you? They stung like a bitch." He half heartedly glared at the warlock's hand.

"What makes you think that Princess?" asked Gwaine mildly.

Arthur's eyebrows shot up at that, "This isn't the first time he's done it to you, is it?" here said, keeping his voice low enough not to disturb his friend.

Gwaine shrugged, "Don't tell me you never have bad dreams. I know for a fact you've come awake with a knife in your hand." He looked down at Merlin. "He doesn't know. Warned me about the hazards he knows about. Vines, beards, that sort of thing. Not like it's every night, and it doesn't last long."

"Why haven't you told him?" Arthur nodded towards the sleeping man.

"Because he'd worry, and add more guilt to his load, and would never share with me again for fear of hurting me; or with anyone else. Sometimes a man just needs to be held Arthur, firmly grounded in the present."

"The present sucks. I mean I actually _hate it._ "

Gwaine grimaced, "Sometimes. At least you're in a position to do something about it."

He watched as Arthur sank into the chair by his bed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You know if 'Lord Gwaine' appears in Camelot, however briefly, word will get back to Caerleon. They'll come looking for you."

Gwaine sighed, looking down at Merlin, "I know. We'll just have to be prepared for them I suppose. I'm not going back. I like being _your_ knight, I'm not _theirs._ Haven't been for a long time."

"Damn. You're sure I can't get rid of you?"

Gwaine smirked. "You can try. I might even go, but I learned bad habits from a friend, I'll just come back."

Arthur snorted. "He is a terrible influence and you should find new friends." Arthur smirked back.

"Sounds too much like hard work. Think I'll stick with the ones I have. If they'll have me."

Arthur threw something at the knight, "What do you mean _if_ they'll have you, ugh, I could exile you and two of them would bring you back like a lost puppy. Don't be an idiot."

"True. Percy can throw anyone over his shoulder if it comes to it. Rarely does, he's really very persuasive."

Arthur raised an eyebrow and folded his arms, "I suppose I'll just have to keep you then. Merlin can upgrade one of your tunics, and we'll use it for Caerleon's appearance later. By then Emrys will be able to greet them with me."

"So in the first part of Uther's trial he's going to speak as the servant he's been in your household for years? With Gwen, and any others." Said Gwaine.

"Yes. After Gaius and I have confronted the Council about it, with Lord Geoffrey to call on if another witness is needed." Arthur stated stiffly.

Gwaine nodded. "Alright. Then what happens? If it isn't all fucked up by then?"

Arthur swallowed, "I have to explain to the Court that Magic has been protecting them for years, that there are many things which can _only_ be fought with magic, or a combination of magic and sword. That mistakes have been made and our city's defences neglected because of my father's war, and that I have spent a long time studying the histories, which led to me seeking out those I could. Then- then I don't know. This was never in my training."

Gwaine glanced at him, "Well, if all else fails you can challenge him to a duel, and suddenly it's all completely reasonable."

"So much easier." Arthur grumbled.

"Also harder to prove the sorcery you're about to legalise was not responsible." Gwine rolled his eyes.

Arthur grimaced, "Yes, and isn't that the crux of the problem."

"Can you tell them that you have been in regular contact with someone has been waiting for a change in leadership to open peace talks? That this was agreed, the first of them to form or renew any treaties. The leader of the Druids and the High Priest."

"That might actually work, though convincing them it's safe may be trickier. "We'll figure it out.

We've already lifted the laws against _associating_ with sorcerers, which has had a positive effect on the common folk. My father's power will quickly be stripped from him, nominal as it is. Then I will declare an amnesty for the people of magic."

Gwaine shook his head, "They won't go for it, feels too much like a trick."

"Then how can I get them to come forward?"

Gwaine shrugged, "You don't. He does." He looked pointedly to the man now lying relaxed in his arms. "You're torn, and under a lot of pressure, but when he wakes, Merlin needs to get a few messages out, and whatever he's holding is important. We're going to ignore it- well I am, and you _should,_ ask when the first things are done."

Arthur was silent.

"I need to see him." Steel laced his voice.

"If you go down there, what will you do Sire?"

Arthur clenched a fist, "I need answers."

"Yes. You do, but will going down _now_ help you get them?" Gwaine held his gaze meaningfully, and Arthur forced himself to relax muscles ready for battle.

"No. He'd enjoy knowing he'd got to me, he always did." Arthur forced out.

They remained quiet, each lost in their own thoughts until Merlin stirred, looking confusedly at Gwaine. "What? Why are you there? Does Arthur know you're in his bed?"

Arthur snorted from his place only feet from the pair. "I know. He'll pay for it in training."

He blinked, swallowing and closing his eyes as he summoned a mug of water and Gwaine moved away. "Gwen's probably asleep now."

The others looked at each other. It was possible. "The Catha men won't both sleep at once, there's always one on watch." said Arthur.

Merlin nodded, it was true, they were like the knights that way. "I'm going, I'm going. Thanks for letting me rest," Arthur nodded. "Don't make me regret it." He said gruffly.

Gwaine mentally counted to ten.

"Oh, and Merlin? Take the journal, otherwise I'll read it. Psychotic witch or not, she was still my sister when she wrote that. It's calling to me."

Merlin picked it up grimly and left looking a little more aware than he had been.

The door fell shut. "Do you still have your sigil or seal? Anything."

Gwaine's tone was flat as he answered, "I have them. Was never exactly sure why I kept them all this time."

"Good, they're going to be useful _now._ Uther also took on and exiled Caerleon's lost heir. That he didn't know is irrelevant."

"God love the madness of nobles." answered the knight in question.

"Find them." Ordered Arthur.

"Yes Sire," Agreed his friend without a fight, and wasn't that unsettling.

Merlin didn't bother knocking this time, simply walking in. Oswald was up, and could easily have been waiting for something or someone. "Lord Emrys." He smiled and bowed his head.

"Just Merlin thanks."

He raised an eyebrow, "You aren't here as Just Merlin."

He sighed. "Actually I'm here as both. Turns out they aren't exactly separate. You're familiar with the prophecies, yes?"

Oswald nodded cautiously, as though fearing what Merlin was about to ask, "Yes, but I fear it could be dangerous to-"

"No, oh goddess no, I don't want to _know_ them. I need help. The witch may have accidentally written the next book of them, but there's also information we need in this journal. Arthur and I need someone else to read it and sift out the visions we can't know. One of you two first, then Isildir. I just need to tell him that."

Oswald looked at the bound pages awed. "Are you sure? Not that it is not an honour, but Surely you would be better-" Merlin held up a hand to cut him off.

"I'm in them, or some of them. So is Arthur. I can't read them, and he can't, even if he _could_ understand them."

The older man pressed his lips tightly together. "I may need Finian to advise on certain parts. I won't know until I read it. Don't you want Gaius or Lord Geoffrey to see first."

"No." Replied Merlin firmly, we have had enough problems with _their_ sifting and withholding what we _do_ need to know. You, then Isildir. I'll know if you try and distort it. Can't risk the consequences of reading it cold myself."

Oswald looked curiously at him, "And you know this how?"

Merlin scowled, "Because it came with an introduction and she knew I'd be reading it. Not who I am thank the goddess, but that's enough to be careful, don't you think?" Oswald gulped, looking at the journal with new respect, thinking of the woman's slide into darkness. "Ozzie? I need you to focus and do this for me. Now."

The Catha man nodded obediently, "Yes Emrys." Merlin sighed, "I suppose it's too much to wish for Gwen to be awake?" There was no response, the priest already lost in the studying. He approached the extended chamber and looked in. It was quiet. Still. Gwen _was_ asleep, and he huffed resignedly, muttering "I'll leave you a note then, to go find Arthur when you wake."

This time he didn't return straight to Arthur, he climbed to the battlements, staring up at the scattered stars, focusing his mind and reaching out, hoping he wouldn't wake everyone indiscriminately this time; or be deemed 'too loud' like Kilgarrah was for him early on. He trusted Isildir's judgement of the members of his own clan to choose which might be best suited to the difficult task before them. Obviously only Isildir would be trusted to see the words of Morgana. Although he doubted that any of the others could read the non-runic language they scorned as a group, even if they knew about it's existence, which they wouldn't.


	59. Chapter 59

Hunith hadn't realised until she said it how badly she had been missing the markers of her old life. The small things that differentiated her at a glance from Hunith the peasant. With Uther almost neutralised taking back that part of her identity wouldn't merit a death sentence, or attract attention from the wrong type, but would be an indicator for anyone who _did_ remember that she wasn't some opportunistic lowborn peasant claiming something they couldn't back up.

Most people when they had to leave behind riches they regarded as meaningful had buried it in clay pots, or in chests.  
Not her. She'd seen at a glance the disturbed earth. With no way to tell whether they would find treasure or tragedy when someone uncovered them it would be a fool's errand to retrieve any. Moreover, if the seal was broken, metal might rust. Rust was valuable to no man.

Then there were others who took it with me them to trade, thinking to bargain or buy themselves shelter and silence along the way, but fear was more powerful than even greed. It was a risky strategy and with only the two of them she chose to avoid it. Hunith and Balinor had decided it was too dangerous for anything that might be connected to them. She had hidden her own here, split between her brother, and Lord Geoffrey, so that if one was discovered and interrogated, half might remain. Some women she'd known had considered it cold of her to consider such things. Balinor had kissed her and said he was fortunate to have someone with such foresight. She sighed, it would do her no good to what if and wonder.

Gaius had kept her hair ornaments, and the intricate brooches passed down from their family. The king's men had torn apart his chambers plenty of times, canines, beds, chairs, all needed replaced. No one ever looked at the stone itself, or the beams. That would be crazy. What they failed to take on board was how little he had left to lose. So Gaius had done the calculations and decided it was possible to safely create a small hidden compartment if he shaved a couple of inches off the block. Those were easy enough to access. The more obvious ones, given to Geoffrey would not be found without his assistance. Nor would he be a natural person to expect to have them, given that he and Balinor were more often arguing than agreeing.

Hunith was quieter by nature and faded from the instant recollection of those who didn't know them well. Her title wasn't as attention grabbing as his, her presence one of those most noticeable in its absence than when it was flashy. Much like Percival really. She liked the big man who had greeted them. She'd liked him even more after seeing him showing a battered Gwen respect. No court raised brat _that one._ Gwaine had the same devil may care attitude as Merlin's father had when they met, but he was an odd mix of contradictions. Not who she'd have chosen for him, but who he had chosen for himself, and who _accepted him_ as he was. That was enough for her. Arthur had searched the rooms more times than she cared to guess at. Clearly he hadn't found anything he understood enough to burn Gaius for yet.

She hadn't minded trading the fine linens and tunics, the silver and enamelled jewellery for peasants rough weave for a safer life for her son, the possessions were never a consideration. It would be lying to say that she hadn't considered them a part of her life in Camelot. Something bound up in her prior identity. A part of the armour every noble woman wore. Without anything of the sort she felt naked in this place, the almost false world within the castle.

Merlin of course was utterly oblivious to any of that. He had even less than his father's concern with jewellery that wasn't cursed or draconic, and _that_ had been little enough.

Going with her son to search Morgana's room had solved the problem of getting Gwen out of the room while Gaius opened up some of his hidden spots. The ex maid pleasantly surprised her by not allowing emotion to cloud her judgement and making the most of the opportunity. Gwen seemed to be uncomfortable with magic but practical enough to accept the possibility that it was not evil. It couldn't be easy for someone who hadn't seen the transformation in Morgana at close quarters.

Instead of having some delayed reaction, Guinivere seemed to be adopting a fairly typical keep too-busy-to-notice strategy.

She hadn't been wasteful with the garments she had brought back with them. Unaltered none would fit the older woman, and would risk triggering the memories of court Ladies. For anyone else it would be a problem.

The two former peasants were not _anyone else._ So with some tweaking and creativity- and far more pin-pricks than usual, they had something by the end of the night that no peasant could ever wear. With a far shorter cloak than Morgana had required. Finishing the breeches for Merlin was just extra.

Gwen had finally managed to work herself to a level of exhaustion sufficient to allow her to fall asleep when Hunith got the possessions she had left with her brother. It was all laid out by the bed in a room that shouldn't exist. Her armour was ready.

In the darkness Morgana's spies had unwittingly returned to a very different Camelot than the one they left that morning.

Merlin was feeling somewhat overwhelmed. Actually he was feeling a lot overwhelmed, but he was good at lying to himself. He hadn't meant to. He found himself standing in the way of passage that opened up to the dungeon. Really the guards should have stopped him, but they ignored Merlin in a way that they shouldn't, in the same way they did not confront Arthur if he was seeing a prisoner. He had concluded that they must assume wherever he was, Arthur knew. Which was crazy given how often the Prince went looking for him, but it was Camelot. Crazy was a requirement.

Tonight it could also have been partially accounted for by which knights were assigned to the king.

Grimly at the gate stood a furious looking Leon, and Lancelot.

It was a familiar path that his feet had automatically followed. What was unfamiliar was being on this side of the bars with Uther behind the door. Overhearing the knights he felt the chill in the night air, Lancelot rarely approved of any form of vengeance, but he agreed about the current combination of guards being sensible. Merlin approached the door silently, standing tall, feeling the change into 'Emrys' consciously this time, and not fighting against it

"You must be tired Lance, you've been awake for far too long. Why not swap with Elyan."

Lancelot smiled grimly. "Because Elyan will kill the king, and that's too easy. Too clean. Uther made the torture of innocent people into a spectacle. Humiliated them publicly. Few enough were granted the mercy of a quick execution; and it's not the first time he's hurt a Lady. Holding him accountable is the right thing."

Leon looked over at him in surprise, "I would have thought you'd be in favour of him being removed as a threat to her."

Lancelot was still as he answered in a low voice, "I am. _After_ he has answered for his sins."

The older knight nodded his understanding slowly.

"I request a few minutes alone with the king, Sir Leon." Merlin said much more calmly than he felt. He hadn't been so far down since he collapse Kilgarrah's cage, and his magic vibrated with the tension, but he _knew_ that unlike Arthur's other men, he could face or confront Uther without killing him. He had not waited this long to throw it away at the last hurdle. Having served at the man's table while sick with rage and grief, severely wounded before, Emrys couldn't afford to lose control that way. He placed his right hand lightly over his chest, feeling conscious of the responsibility and weight of his unwanted authority in it's dull throb, for the first time appreciating it for a _practical_ reason. Aesthetically he loved it, but the mark also made it impossible to forget he was not _actually_ only a servant.

Reluctantly they stepped aside without question to allow him through, both knowing from his stance who was really asking; it wasn't their easy-going friend Merlin. Working so closely with Prince Arthur had familiarised them with making the distinction between _person_ and _figure._

Uther radiated fury, bitterness and hate. Merlin allowed it to roll over him impotently, and knew the moment that Uther _saw_ him; the king's eyes widened and he stepped back, away from Emrys. The authority that had no crown because he _needed_ no crown to wield it.

"Who _are you?"_ He forced out.

Merlin shrugged, appearing casual, hands in his pockets. "I'm Merlin." He said lightly, goofy grin in place. Stepping forward he dropped it, all signs of cheer vanishing. "That's probably the wrong question, _sire."_ He sneered, "Others can see it all too easily I'm told; look at me, really _look_. Are you _afraid_ Uther? You should be. Are you so frightened that you really can't consider the possibility? I'm from Ealdor, a tiny unimportant border village, but my mother came here when it was attacked. Just why do you think she might do _that,_ after all, Hunith lived on Cenred's side of the border. Wouldn't it make more sense for her to seek out _him_ for help. Unless of course she came here just for me, but my mother is a practical woman, _sire,_ a Lady who doesn't waste time. Doesn't make sense, does it." If it was possible Uther's eyes went wider as his voice became hoarse, "Hunith- the _Lady_ Hunith died twenty years ago. It's a common name."

Merlin smiled nastily for the old king's benefit, the expression feeling unnatural to him, he would not _harm_ Uther but he'd fewer moral qualms regarding putting the fear of the Fates in him. "Are you _sure_ about that Uther? Would you bet your life?" He raised an eyebrow, "They never _found_ Balinor either, did they?" Merlin confirmed the link to him. "You made a mistake Uther. A Very Serious Mistake. You hurt my _mother_. You hurt my friends. You killed my family in cold blood. You tipped the bloody _Balance_ you bastard, and worst of all for _you…_ You hurt _My King;_ and now you are going to pay for it _my lord."_ He grabbed Uther's robes before he could brace, shoving him against the wall, and leant down, putting his mouth close to the man's ear to hiss, "Because I'm _not_ going to kill you. I've saved you before, for Arthur's sake. I'm not going to give the order, because you _want_ someone like me to do it. I will _not_ be manipulated by someone so small, and insecure, and petty as you. You don't deserve that courtesy anyway. No, I'm going to help him strip you _bare_ as they watch, and let you see every one of them, man woman and child turn from you in horror and disgust. I am going to ensure that you live long enough to face the true King of Albion. Death will be a mercy when you are powerless and hated, suffering their revulsion, their rage, and believe me, there are enough souls waiting to find their justice on the other side." He paused, finding his calm centre, "Who am I? I am Emrys. I serve the Once and Future King with pride. I am the Lord of the Dragons, and the Consort of the Lady of Avalon. I am the son of Lord Balinor and Hunith, friend of Lady Gwen, and Crown Prince Arthur. I am the bringer of Life and of Death, and I know _exactly_ who _you_ are. Soon so will everybody else. It was never your Fate to die at my hands Uther. Haven't you read history?" He paused, leaning closer to whisper, "It's always the heirs to the throne who remove those before them. Always one who seeks power or sees it ill used and saves the people. Here that is your children. I don't seek power Uther, I don't _need_ to. You can beg for death, and your guards are under orders to refuse you the dignity, but don't worry _Uncle_ , you won't be alone. The dragon rises Uther. It _will_ soar without you."

Merlin drew back, shoving him away, and stared directly at the man as his eyes flared gold, the rock morphed over Uther's wrists, trapping him, and Merlin smirked at him, "Don't panic, it's pathetic. The restraints are temporary, they won't last past dawn. Consider it a small taste of the stocks, the overuse of which I think I've been very forgiving of these past few years. Goodnight Uther. I have more important things to do. I hear Arthur is giving a very important speech tomorrow, so his sword should be _extra_ shiny." He winked, exiting the cell and setting a trip-ward.

Leon took one look at Merlin as he saw the leader relax back into his friend, tense as he was, "Tell me you didn't just kill the king. Please."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Of course not, that would ruin all my hard work. Actually I promised _not_ to kill the prisoner." Lancelot raised a brow, and an approving look at his wording.

"And that you two wouldn't either. Trust me, there are worse things than death." His eyes darkened, and Leon shivered, catching Merlin's attention. Next to him stood Lachlan, who bowed deeply. _"May I, Lord Emrys?"_ Merlin swallowed hard, the better half of him pulling away, wanting to say it was too cruel. Then he remembered the children and the nausea was so much worse. His lips were pressed in a thin line as he answered, "Don't let him die of fright before he faces Arthur. I will require your guidance somewhere tomorrow night, but I suspect I would not have your full attention now."

Lachlan raised a brow but didn't question the instruction, bowing his head and walking through the wall of the cell.

Leon sent him a questioning look, feeling only the cold draught, and Merlin only shook his head. "Ignore the screaming. He's not in any physical pain, and the memories that haunt him are those he made." Lancelot took him aside and pulled him into a side hug. "Memories?" he asked quietly.

"What else would they be Sir Lancelot? You have my word, no dark magic is at work here. Only the mind of man."

Lance stared at him sadly, "Then I hope my own never gets so dark." Merlin felt a twinge of envy for the knight who seemed so pure and unaffected still, and wished he had that again, just once. "I hope so too Lance, for your sake. He isn't going anywhere, you can rest."

Merlin wandered out to check the wards he'd begun to fix, and reach out to the contacts that Arthur had requested, and found it was becoming easier, it wasn't particularly reassuring. Sleep seemed elusive, and Morgana's words were bothering him deeply. He knew she'd seen Sofia drowning Arthur, but just what else _had_ she seen? What had she seen about _him._ He went back to his own room hoping to rest for an hour or two and found Gwaine waiting for him. Well, asleep in his bed. Merlin stripped and joined him, enjoying the simple warmth of having someone curled around him. The disturbance didn't exactly _wake_ Gwaine. Very little _woke_ Gwaine, but he did draw a slurred version of 'didn't want you to feel alone' from the man as his heavy arm wrapped around Merlin. It wasn't sleep but it was helpful.

He must have drifted off at some point as he was awoken by Gwaine trying to retrieve his trapped arm to get up. "Sorry love, didn't mean to disturb you, but there's things I need in my chamber." Merlin groaned, "Do we have to? 'M sure no one would notice for a bit."

Gwaine's answering chuckle was unfairly low thought Merlin, "The Princess definitely would, and you need to see Gaius and co. Don't try any of your special vanishing tricks on me mate." He waggled his fingers, and Merlin groaned, rubbing hands down his face.

"C'mon, go join them for breakfast while I do the walk of the shameless and get catcalled by our so-called 'friends'."

Merlin reluctantly agreed and quickly washed and dressed, catching his lover side eyeing him, "You just want to watch me walk away, don't you?"

"What can I say? It's a _very_ good view." Gwaine waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Slut." Merlin retorted, chuckling.

"Hey, you're supposed to be on my side." his knight pouted.

"If I was on your side Gwaine, you couldn't stare at my arse. No one's on your side, and if they were you'd move anyway to get a better view."

"True. Hmm, choices."

Merlin snorted, flinging a cloth at his head, which the knight caught, there was a softness in his expression that Gwaine rarely showed as he leaned down to kiss the warlock. "Be careful out there. I'll see you at training if it isn't cancelled, and later if it is."

Merlin shook his head, "I don't think anything is normal today Gwaine." His knight snorted, "When is it ever in Camelot? Don't go out exposed today love, promise me, armoured and armed, even if the others don't see, _promise me._ "

He sighed in exasperation, "Congratulations, you win the prize for being the first annoying, over protective metal-head to nag me about safety today. I'm not awake enough yet to shove you, but there's time."

Gwaine snorted and clapped him on the shoulder, "Later. I'll even take off my own armour first and let it bruise if it'll help get the message through your stubborn-ass skull. Some of us actually _care_ about you Merlin. For more than the sake of our stomachs and nasal hair protection from the princess' royal socks."

"Yeah. Some of you need my excellent morning-after skills too." He raised an eyebrow, but the look he shot Gwaine made his understanding clear, as did the soft kiss to the side of his mouth.

"Well of course."

Merlin sniffed disdainfully as though offended that there could have been any doubt.

"But if it will make you feel any better and drop the unnerving mother-hen act I'll cooperate."

"Good." Gwaine nodded. "You feel ready to face Lady Gwen yet?"

"Hell no. Lack of readiness never seems to have stopped Destiny, Fate, evil sorceresses, or crazy seductresses from carrying on before though, has it? Maybe mum'll help… then again, she might choose today to side with the sacred code of Women Everywhere."

Gwaine grimaced, "Yeah. I really wish that was as simple as the knight's code. Maybe it's in the vaults? I mean he's stuck a bunch of Priestess's shit down there right? It's not completely impossible."

Merlin smirked, "Too easy. I don't believe it's written anywhere. Probably carried in some bard's head who lives or travels in an obscure location, to be taught to only one or two individuals each generation. Or Morgana. Probably Morgana. She always seemed to understand twenty unwritten rules at a time that went completely over my head and would mean much yelling at Arthur later- not that he didn't usually deserve it, he totally did. Still. Women are scary; and now I have to go and demand the diary of one I actually like."

"Seriously Merlin? You voluntarily ride a dragon, go up against immortal armies, and you're scared of a girl?"

"Nooo, I'm scared of pissing _Gwen_ off, and so are you."

Gwaine opened his mouth to protest the accusation and saw Merlin's hands on his hips, brow cocked, "Fine. Maybe a little bit."

Merlin's face brightened, "Clever boy." His eyes flicked over his friend and the smile altered, "No, man. Definitely _man."_ He breathed in the familiar scent of leather, herbs, and sword oil and growled, pulling his grinning lover back to him, breaking apart with a sigh.

"Can't put it off any longer, can we."

"Not really. No getting lost in your own head either."

Merlin frowned, "I'll try. No promises I might not keep. Late night ahead. I'll be _working_ late one way or another. Go back to your own room tonight, you won't get any rest here, but I'm not tossing you out on your ass."

Gwaine nodded calmly. "Got it. Own chambers tonight, don't screw up your mystery quest."

The warlock sighed in relief, it wasn't that he'd expected some dramatic scene, but it was still reassuring to have it confirmed.

Leaving the room and quietly going their separate ways was almost too easy, too normal feeling for that day, and crossing his wards to enter Gaius chambers made him realise how on edge he'd been last night and cringe.

They were _far_ stronger than they had any reason to be, he'd have to loosen them to allow free access for legitimate patients.

Oswald was sat by the fire whittling something casually. "Porridge is on. I've tried to make it more palatable, but my success so far has been limited. I didn't want to use up the medical supplies, and I don't think Camelot has a proper apiary to replace the honey easily."

Merlin made an expression of feigned shock-horror, "A person who walks through a swarm of bees and is not stung? Sorcery! No. No they do not. Collecting it is _not_ my favourite job so you have my profuse thanks for not using it frivolously."

The priest snorted, "I've been subject to Gaius cooking, and it seems like a punishment, for someone who _knows_ his herbs and seasonings he is the _worst_ cook."

"I could honestly believe that. It always did seem a little odd. I mean, even with less training and fewer accessible ingredients Mum absolutely thrashed him in making things edible."

Oswald smiled, "So is it true that you fed the Prince himself rat stew, or was that the imagination of a slightly out of it Lady Guinivere?"

Merlin coughed, "Um, well it was exceptional circumstances. Yes, yes I did, and it's true, but I kept him alive, and it distracted him from the fear for a minute. He made me eat the rest when he realised, and I made all the expected faces, but I've had worse. More meat on a rat than a mouse too. He's lucky we found it, and luckier still that _his manservant_ knew how to prepare it safely. The kitchens here can feed two hundred men, throw obscene feasts, but survival on next to nothing isn't their area of expertise."

"And it is yours." Said Oswald softly.

"I can get by when I need to." Replied Merlin, just as softly, gaze flicking unconsciously up to the door of the room his mother slept in.

They were silent for a long moment; "It was a long night, I just need to speak to Gwen before waking the royal prat. If he slept… it was a long night for _all_ of us." Merlin knew he sounded older than his years then, but it was the truth. The catha man at the fire offered no judgement though, only smiling sadly. "That it was. I started on the writings you brought me. It was definitely best for you both not to read them right now. Not when you are all at various crossroads. Sometimes prophecy can be a guiding light, offer clarity in the confusion, but as things are I believe it would make decisions harder instead, and little would be of practical help to you both right now, but two more experienced than myself will help."

He ladled some gruel into a bowl for Merlin and handed it to him. "Master Fin's been gone all night, but he said something about visiting an old friend so I'm not too worried. More trying not to think about why he might stay over with an old friend."

"Tabula or mancala maybe? Knitting a reeeeally long scarf. Poetry- no, not poetry. For some reason people here think it's a euphemism." Merlin grimaced.

Ozzie looked at the warlock dryly, "It _has_ been a long time since we played games." he started laughing then, earning a grin from Merlin. "Please never make me think about master Finian and _poetry_ again, _ever. Especially_ not here."

Merlin shuddered at the implications, "Never." He silently made a mental note to hold back some salve from the next batch for his own use, trying not to blush at the consideration. He never had to think about it when he literally lived in the physician's quarters.

"Is everything for the morning round ready?" He nodded towards the bench that had a selection of lotions, potions, and less pleasant looking treatments, most of which Merlin could recognise on sight. Ozzie mumbled an affirmative as the younger man finished his breakfast and noticed the noises coming from Gaius' room that told him the man was up and awake. Pushing back the anger and confusion Merlin tried to focus on what he'd been told earlier about the nature of forgiveness and remember why he loved Gaius in the first place. It felt unnatural, not the way it had been when he lived here, small uses of subtle magic that he could pass off as flukes of the tower's ventilation. Oswald seemed to sense that something was occurring as he went completely still too, and didn't even blink as the temperature in the room tangibly increased. Not enough to draw serious attention, just enough to ease the pain of an old man's arthritis, much more and Gaius got pissed about being caught and legalities. It would be far less noticeable than adding a dormitory to the healer's rooms, hiding two Catha warriors, and being involved in conspiracies, but old habits die hard, and it was a gesture as much as anything real. One apparently noted swiftly as the door to his bedchamber flew open and Gaius hobbled down quickly given the morning's chill. Merlin knew he'd loosen up more when his joints warmed up a little, and was unhappy on seeing how thin the cloak he was wrapped in was, saying so to his mentor when he hugged the man more honestly than he had since their argument. Gaius just rolled his eyes. "What kind of physician would I be if I didn't provide for the basic needs of those staying with me, let alone my baby sister- and don't you tell her I said that m'b- Merlin." His eyes softened, "I'm fine. Really. I even have more help than I've had in many a year. Skilled help no less." Merlin pursed his lips and considered for all of a minute. Fuckit, he'd already redesigned the space to add a ward or lodging, he reached out to the cloak and whispered as his hand stroked along it. Nothing notable changed in its appearance, but for its apparent condition of repair, but Merlin concentrated on thickening the woollen fibres and strengthening them. It wouldn't _seem_ magical to anyone not actively looking for magical apparel, and that seemed pretty unlikely. The slippers on the old man's feet grew a new fur lining which Merlin refused to feel guilty about, after all, even if he could bring himself not to care emotionally for the man who loved and betrayed him, his work as a physician would increase immensely if he allowed those feet to be damaged further; and he did so _hate_ amputations. Yep. A completely practical measure for any physician who wanted to stay sane. If Merlin had his way he'd spend one of these winters developing some kind of indoor heating system or a way to seal out the cold. Maybe lighting. Heating first. That kept people alive.

He pulled back rather abruptly, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Uh, good morning Gaius, there's hot water for tea and Ozzie made breakfast since he was on watch last night." He shrugged and stiffly gestured to the seat closest to the blaze, "I had something to discuss with him." Gaius smiled and accepted the suggestion, if only to stop the boy rambling. "That sounds nice, really, but Merlin, don't go wasting your magic on something like an old cloak."

Merlin winced, "Actually Gaius, it's a lot easier to control if I give the spare something to do, even just a little, like a cloak or ward. It hurts less, and I have orders from someone who outranks you to use it. You're welcome by the way." He ended sarcastically, and a smile tugged at Gaius' lips as his gnarled fingers curled around his mug, the heat warming them enough to ease the movement. "Not that I don't appreciate my new company, but I do miss you, Merlin. Good and bad. I think I always will, even if you are not living far from us."

Merlin nodded, swallowing. He wasn't there yet, he couldn't quite forgive them everything, but he wasn't allowing it to take root and poison him either, had been given help to see early the snaking tendrils of bitterness, before they could take hold. He sent a thought of thanks to the goddess for it; even if she didn't hear, one of them might realise he was waking up.

"Just remember your promise Gaius, the one you made to _Arthur,_ the Once and Future King, show me- him, both of us with actions what you believe, because words have brought us all as much pain as the violence itself. I would like to believe in you again." He sighed, "Master Oswald, I'd appreciate you checking my wound while the ladies are not present." He raised an eyebrow, and Ozzie jumped to obey, Merlin sighed, wondering if they'd ever fully relax around him, beginning to understand better why having Merlin around as an insolent brat was such a relief to the prince. Confirming it was healing better than expected, the Catha man handed Merlin's tunic back, and taking a deep breath, he turned towards his uncle, aware that there would be little opportunity over the next few days. Keeping his voice low he asked with genuine curiosity, "Well? What do you think? I had them checked obviously, it wasn't done on impulse."

Gaius eyes were suspiciously bright as he examined them more closely, voice sounding just a little too rough, "They're beautiful Merlin, they suit you. Thank you for showing me."

Merlin nodded, understanding how big a change in their dynamic it represented at the same time as being the first unmistakable sign of Arthur allowing magic _freely_ in Camelot again. Not some scheme, or related sub-offence being erased, but actual open practice on a consistent and permanent basis.

"Unless you plan to show Gwen now too you'd best put your shirt back on, though I'm sure you'll show her soon enough."

Listening he _could_ hear lighter footsteps and shifting from behind the door and filled a warm mug for Gwen. He'd rather give her some warm cider after a night like that one, but tea would have to do for now; he hoped being greeted that way may take the edge off her expected wrath at his request. No. Not request, demand. Arthur required it, and they needed it, he was the messenger and collector.

Guinivere was still rather bleary eyed when she stumbled on the steps, unlike her usual early morning self, seeing the three men she eyed the cup Merlin held out to her with unconvincing innocence warily. Accepting it and seeing him relax slightly she rolled her eyes, "Alright. Spill. What do you want? You look like that time I caught you with Lancelot and Arthur and too many empty flagons." She raised her eyebrows certain he knew which time she meant and blushed. "Well, we- we looked at Morgana's journal, and it details too many of her visions for us to use it in a trial, as you are not a Seer, Arthur needs yours. The personal parts won't be read out or revealed at all of course." He could see fury and conflict in the woman's expression, "That is a record private to _me,_ Merlin."

He looked guiltily away, "Yeah. Yeah, I know, but I swear I won't let it be abused. Come on, I've listened to your fantasies and uh, _conquests,_ and saw the below stairs drama you did while you were writing it. Sure there's some stuff I didn't know in it, but I was your best friend at the time you were writing this Gwen."

She looked at him with fear in her eyes, "Merlin," Her voice shook, "Uther killed my father while I kept it, I don't want Arthur to see what I _wanted_ to do to the man then, or for you to read some of my own dreams." She blushed and he rolled his eyes, "Really Gwen, Arthur has had plenty of fantasies and fights of his own with the man, and sweetie, you talk too much when assholes spike your drinks. Believe me, you stripped from my mind what little innocence remained very quickly, a long time ago, and I've never shared any of it. Not even for blackmail or revenge purposes. Today is not the day I break your somewhat inebriated confidence, ok?

Uther is… he's alive, and unhurt, but he's still in the dungeons. You're not in this alone, but Arthur and I can't help you if you hold things back, we want to stop it happening to anyone else." He could see her wavering, so close to agreeing when her pride prickled and he mentally cursed as he slipped into a more manipulative vein. "Gwen, you remember how you felt when you saw- when you saw me without a scarf, the reaction and how badly you wanted to help. It was too late for helping stop that, but this time it isn't. Arthur is feeling the same helplessness and need to fix it, heal the broken parts and stop it happening again, except _he's_ actually in a position to do it and make sure it never does. _Help him."_

Merlin knew her well enough to realise that she was far more likely to put helping and protecting others above her personal welfare or comfort. The ability to play people was not his favourite trait, and he did feel a measure of shame for using it with such ease, especially when someone was vulnerable, but he couldn't afford to risk her refusal. If she did, then the request would become and order, and _that_ would introduce another reason for enmity between her and Arthur. Not something he wanted to be stuck in the middle of. He held his breath as she considered his words, seeing the exact moment she accepted defeat. "I'll just get it. Please don't think differently of me."

After that Merlin managed less than three seconds before he cracked up, laughing hysterically. Gwen's face reddened and he could see her getting angry, so flailed a hand and tried to explain through his laughter, "Not- not you- oh, oh my gods! Not to- th-think d-differently, oh my gods!" Ozzie understood first and smirked, trying not to laugh at the ridiculous sight of Emrys in stitches, holding his sides and failing.

Gaius cast his eyes upwards in a silent plea to _someone_ to save him from the madness of young men. "I think what Merlin here is _trying_ to say, and failing epically to do successfully, is that this is _exactly_ what he has asked anyone who ever knew of his magic, or skills, to do, and that reading someone's diary is so minor he cannot adequately express it in words. Whilst also proving that he has not in fact changed and become _less_ of an idiot by coming out of hiding as a warlock. They are not actually mocking you my dear. Go get it, and leave the idiots to their antics. Hopefully they'll recover enough to be taken seriously before there's any other witnesses."

Gwen's mouth dropped open in understanding and she began to shake, hand going to her mouth to cover the snort and she ran to get it, just before Gaius heard the distinctly female laugh from her direction and rolled his eyes again. It didn't take away from his own smile as he watched his ex-ward let go freely, allowing himself to _feel_ in the moment and with company.

Finally calming down, Merlin accepted the journal from his friend, the difference from Morgana's was instantly obvious. All writing materials were luxuries and thus expensive, but the cover was simple and undecorated, there was a leather thong to tie it closed, but it was not even close to Morgana's, obviously made to be an imitation- type for a literate person but not an _important_ person. "Some of the secrets in it are not mine to tell Merlin."

He nodded, frowning, "We all have a story Gwen. Even the ones who don't show it openly." He hugged her quickly and headed for the prince, distracted enough that he left the morning round at the side.

Merlin didn't look back, focusing on what needed to be done and making sure no one else got to Arthur first this morning, so missed seeing his mother cautiously enter the main room looking almost like a different person, and the tears of his old guardian in response to it.

Arthur had tried to get some rest in their absence, he really had, and it was utterly impossible. He'd needed the solitude. Before things changed he would have wanted Merlin the manservant quietly with him; now he knew that he also had some time sensitive work to do, and Emrys was likely to need his own quiet before taking this step.

When Merlin arrived that morning it was _not_ with casual calls of the 'lazy daisy' variety. He seemed unsurprised to find the prince awake, and was balancing a breakfast tray on one arm, waving something that looking sensitive in the other. The door fell shut and he slid the tray onto the table, placing the journal by it before he started babbling and Arthur had to stop him. "Sh. Shhh, use your words Merlin, in actual sentences, I know your tongue is hinged in the middle but for the love of Camelot take a breath." Merlin did, pushing back the frustration, keeping in mind that Arthur was in the worst kind of no win situation. "Now let's try again. What have you brought me here?"

Merlin sighed, hoping the prince hadn't _actually_ forgotten. "Breakfast, Arthur. Bacon there and everything." The prince's eyes narrowed and Merlin hurried on, "And the second journal, from Gwen, with her permission and everything. She is concerned Arthur, it covers the period when Uther had her father killed, just promise me you'll try and be understanding, and that Uther attacked _her_ yesterday. She was also a servant then and it's a different perspective Sire." Arthur nodded seriously, stuffed some bread in his mouth, and flicked the journal open, making Merlin wince with the cavalier way he treated it. He doubted that Arthur, even with all the progress he'd made, would ever fully appreciate possessions and their price the way others did. It was unfair to expect it of him really, and Merlin knew it, but for someone who had grown up with nothing it was hard to watch, especially when he knew it had been as precious to someone as this had been.

"I will. Even if she wanted to harm him she never has. Maybe it was unwise to make someone who had lost their parent the primary companion of the old king, but had she wanted to harm him, she had the means to poison him, and opportunity. I know Guinivere, Merlin. Whatever her feelings at the time she is more forgiving than I could ever be."

Merlin looked carefully at his friend; his King. "She can afford to be. It is a wonderful and beautiful gift sire, but you are denied the choice in a way, I think that _you_ are gifted in your fierce desire for justice. Mercy, and justice, and sometimes, with the heavy responsibility you carry that means acting in a way that appears unforgiving to others. Arthur can forgive an act of cruelty, while King Arthur- or even Prince Regent Arthur must decree the punishment."  
Arthur swallowed hard, mouth dry, "You've been thinking about that a lot huh?"

"Yeah." Merlin looked down at his hands, fidgeting, "Oh my god, just move already, you're making _me_ twitchy. It's not like you can't talk while active."

The warlock pulled a face behind him but did start pacing, frustrated that Arthur was already dressed and had changed his comfortable routine. "That piece of wisdom isn't entirely yours. Is it?"

Merlin sighed, "Not exactly. The druids are almost as cryptic as Kilgarrah, but it came up in discussion yesterday."

Arthur nodded seriously, "And did they tell you what _your_ gift is?" he asked curiously.

Merlin chewed his lip, not a good sign in Arthur's experience, "I'm charming and handsome?" He tried.

The prince snorted disbelievingly. "You're an idiot, who spends half his time acting in an uncouth manner that would make a fair maiden faint, try again."

Merlin smirked, "Good thing I'm not in the market for fair maidens then, isn't it. I'm Emrys, Arthur, I _am_ a gift. Apparently. So really. Don't go down that road." Something in Merlin's expression that didn't match his cheeky answer made Arthur pause; it frustrated him even more that he'd have missed that obvious dissonance so recently.

"If you're a gift then my second act as king will be to ban Yule. One of you is hard enough, two might kill me."

"So would the people of Camelot if you tried to ban Yule. Even Uther knew not to completely enforce that one when folk claimed it was just a reeeeally big community fire. Not that I got to go until I was older, but I liked the warm cider, and the stories."

"You weren't included?" Arthur looked puzzled.

Shrugging Merlin froze, turning to him, "Arthur, did Morgana ever get _ill_ around the time of solstices or equinoxes? Nightmares get worse near samhain maybe? Or miss the public feasts for it."

The prince pinched the bridge of his nose trying to remember. He hadn't honestly noticed much, usually busy trying to avoid being married off or challenged to pointless duels. "Maybe. I mean she was always worse when we were away on patrols or you know, headed to or from battle. Samhain she had terrible nightmares every year." His face fell, "I used to tease her about being afraid of dreams and spirits."

Merlin sighed, they couldn't change that, and from what he could gather it was pretty standard brother-sister behaviour, even Elyan and Gwen had an element of it. "You couldn't have known. Even _she_ thought they were nightmares, and most of your ghosts here are not out for blood, some are dicks for sure, but not actually against _you two."_

Arthur's brows knit together, but he didn't argue, asking instead, "Did you get anywhere with the other things last night?"

"Mmhm, Haven't heard yet from the clan leaders, got the necessary journal you have to read quickly, lost Finian to some 'old friend' between seeing my mother and Ozzie checking the healing for the ink this morning. I have some weird, mystery directions that I have to follow tonight, which no one can actually take me to, or I wouldn't _need_ written directions. Oh, and I did go down to see your father, who knows about me because no one was fucking subtle last night and it seemed a bit late to bother starting. I banned the guards from killing him. Lancelot desperately needs to sleep by the way, he wouldn't swap with Elyan at the usual changing of the watch."

Arthur gaped, "You did… went… Ugh. Ok, please, _please_ tell me you didn't damage Uther, I thought you were in _favour_ of a trial."

"Oh I am, I just know what the cells down there are like, and it's next to Kilgarrah's cage. Before I understood I used to go down there to think, it wasn't a conscious decision."

Taking a deep breath, Arthur tried to remain calm. "And Gwaine? Did you taken _him_ down on this trip."

Merlin looked at him in horror, "Oh hell no, he was nowhere near calm enough to see the man. Or maybe too calm. Even Sir Leon looked ready to spit fire."

Arthur raised an eyebrow at that, wondering if Merlin actually could… and if he wanted to know the answer.

"Gwaine managed to grab a few hours kip. I'm guessing you didn't." Merlin could see the deep shadows under Arthur's eyes, but suggesting cover up was a guaranteed way to injury, sometimes knights could be very strange and sensitive about their masculinity.

Merlin had never seen the need for them to prove it in the first place. To him it just _screamed_ insecurity; he might not want anyone to think he dressed up like a girl behind closed doors, but if it was something he actually _did,_ his dick wouldn't fall off, and he was certain that for those who could afford yards of extra fabric there must be _some_ men who liked the feeling. If it was something that was actually useful, he wouldn't hesitate on the 'but girls' point. Some of the older men had been shocked and appalled when Morgana and Gwen dared wear breeches to ride out or exercise, since those were _too manly._ Clearly time changed things.

"Tell me when you hear from your contacts, I want to know as soon as there's any news, and have those warrior-priest men of yours get on deciphering Morgana's writings." Arthur's mouth was a thin line as he cleared his throat, "Ah, how's your chest this morning?"

Merlin's eyes narrowed in suspicion, it was still surreal having Arthur enquire at all about his wounds, "It's fine. Healing fast. Why?"

"I was just wondering about your training is all, and if you really can do what you claim."

Staring at the soon to be king, Merlin's eyes widened in understanding. "Uh, yeah. Not a great idea to try direct torso impacts right now, but if you are happy for me to use magic for shielding and blocking, I can go as long as you need."

Arthur smirked, not completely masked yet, "I'm sure you can, but let's put the claim to the test. A man can claim anything if he is never required to prove it." Merlin merely lifted an eyebrow.

"As. Long. As. You. Want. _Sire."_ He grinned wolfishly and Arthur rolled his eyes, "Your boyfriend has been a terrible influence on you and you ought to be ashamed." he said dryly.

"Whatever you say sire, but when have I ever had any shame? Not bringing _that_ to work was nothing to do with shame and everything to do with Freya and crazy laws."

Arthur grunted. "Give me an hour to finish reading and consider this record," He gestured to the open diary, "And then I suppose I'd better go visit my F- the prisoner. Putting it off isn't likely to help and speculation will be rife already. The Council will gather after, they'll be waiting impatiently already, and I can address them." Merlin didn't disagree, the servants at least would have as many theories as there were serving staff in the castle.

"They did call you Courage. Would you rather I stayed here, or did some other research while you are busy?"

Arthur frowned. "Do you have any of the things to research up here still, or does it have to be somewhere else?"

Melin though for a minute, "I think there's still a couple of books hidden up here."

Arthur turned to him jerkily, "Then stay. The more we know, the fewer screw ups we're headed for. Anything you have on ceremonies or dragon lore especially would be useful. Just how important _was_ all that yesterday and your tattoo? They wanted to have a full feast to celebrate after."

Merlin blushed and tried not to panic, "About as important as your coronation as Prince? Not as important as one for a king. Like claiming a birthright and accepting responsibility openly, but not claiming that you have the people's support and lead them or speak for them with full authority. You don't have an exact parallel. So yeah, it's important, but I'm not comfortable with attracting attention and being treated with some sort of honour. I'm just Merlin, Arthur. I _want_ to stay just Merlin."

Arthur smiled and it was bitter-sweet, "I'm sure you do, but it isn't a choice you are offered, all you can do is decide what to do with it. Congratulations Merlin, now I get to tease _you_ and have my revenge for all your comments over the years."

Merlin groaned, having no doubt that his friend would make good on the threat and trying to recall the many jibes and times he had laughed at the ridiculous pomp and traditions Arthur was made to indulge, there were too many to count.

He drew one book from its hiding place and sunk down to study it, remaining silent and present with his friend, a reminder that whatever happened, Arthur was not alone, and would never have to stand alone again. He had the loyalty of a few good men, and the best of them at his side.

One the other side of the castle, Lord Geoffrey smiled warmly as a woman he hadn't truly seen in over twenty years delivered his morning tonic- he was old and not in denial like some of his friends. He resisted the urge to hug her, he wasn't a hugger, but he knew she could see it in his eyes, and as she left, Finian slipped out moving swiftly in the opposite direction. This, he thought, _this_ is why he made himself live through the darkness.


	60. Chapter 60

**Sorry about the delay in updates, the next one should be much quicker. Thank you to everyone who has left comments or reviews!**

Gwen had been pleased with the result of their rather frantic work overnight, though there was certainly a long way to go to create any sort of suitable wardrobe for Merlin's mum, but she hadn't anticipated the addition of anything else. Somehow seeing it not being _just Merlin_ but a visible alteration in those around him made everything unavoidably _real._ More even than the injuries she was still being treated for. Gaius had told her to expect to be called on later by the Lords and inspected to verify her account. It wasn't something she looked forward to, but it wasn't the first time she'd been called before them, and this time it wasn't to die on a pyre. How scared must Merlin have been, she wondered, when he set himself against that and confessed, or got himself involved in _anything_ that might invite questions. Remaining _uninvolved_ seemed to be a foreign concept to her friend, and if he could do it, then so could she.

Hunith had left to take the first medicine rounds, and Gwen was certain no one would recognise her. Not from her arrival, or her prior visit, and anyone who remembered the young woman she was would assume it was someone different. The older woman had simply smiled at her and winked, confident of the same.

It was why she went to Lord Geoffrey last, completing the first round of deliveries first.

In her hair were elegantly made wolves in twisted gold, two brooches holding the short cloak to her dress in a matched style with red enamel picking out the detail, and she smiled as Geoffrey bowed his head to her, "My Lady."

She chuckled, "Not for a very long time Geoffrey, but still your friend. I believe I owe you a great debt. More than can ever be repaid, but I left something in your care a long time ago, and I think it's about time I got it back." She raised an eyebrow, "Don't you?"

He jerked his head, "Far less than what we owe _you._ Please come in, I have some wine if you'd like."

Hunith sighed, but agreed, the halls were too public, she'd forgotten how easy it was to be caught gossiping here, the downside of having many places to hide from an enemy was always that they had as many places to spy from.

His chambers were dark after the early morning light of the walkway, "Have you ever thought about using some candles Geoffrey? The light isn't actually evil, and you'll go blind one of these days if you keep up this way."

Geoffrey kept his tone bland as he answered her, "Candles are tools of destruction and terror my dear, only a fool brings fire into a library or archive."

"Geoffrey, these are _your chambers._ " Exasperation coloured her tone now but the old man only shrugged one shoulder.

"Exactly. One candle to keep with my person is more than enough for two eyes to see."

Hunith rolled her eyes, "Well that's just silly, old man. I know my son, and I _know_ that despite warnings, both light and fire will have been played with far too near flammable things. An extra candle won't torch the citadel."

The man frowned slightly, "Yes. I was rather surprised at how comfortable he is around fire, given its recent misuses. I suppose he gets _that_ from his father."

Hunith smothered a chuckle at his dry tone, "I suppose he must. He never liked hunting though, I'm surprised he goes out now with the knights for that. He certainly had the skills, but it was never a thing enjoyed, more of a duty. Fire though seemed to be a comfort to him. I never told him about the time he sleepily made it into a blanket; he was three and I didn't want to encourage him to try it again."

Geoffrey looked horrified and wondered how his friend hadn't died of a heart attack years ago. "Oh my. That is… raising him in exile was definitely the wiser option."

The woman snorted at the understatement, "I'm amazed no one ever did bring us in. A part of me was always waiting for the day, and it seemed strange to miss someone as obvious as he was. Still is really."

Geoffrey nodded, thinking sadly of the marks Merlin was no longer hiding, "It didn't prevent the attack though, did it. Was it a neighbour or…?"

Hunith voice came out more hoarse than she wanted, "You make it sound as though there was only one." She grimaced at the memories as she answered, "Travellers that last time, thankfully means they move on, but that doesn't guarantee they would not return with others if they could."

"Did you deal with it?" Geoffrey looked at her with curiosity instead of judgement.

She bit her lip nervously, "Would you hate me if I had?"

Geoffrey's eyes were full of sorrow as he read the defensiveness in her stance, "Look at us all my Lady Hunith, not one has hands clean of blood. Even the ones who never saw their victims or targets are guilty. How could I judge you for a sin of desperation, if sin it was, if in one way or another I too was guilty? I played the long game seeing who was involved, how far it had spread. I had the opportunity and ability to kill the king often enough and did not. I've wondered often enough whether choosing differently then wouldn't have been better. It would lie easier on my conscience."

Hunith sighed, reaching for his hand, "Who would you have put in his place Geoffrey? Your position would make execution a given, who would have taken his place? Arthur? He was an infant. Nimue? She was consumed with bitterness towards the people who didn't fight him and wanted vengeance, not justice. None of the council were strong enough to lead, Balinor never wanted to and was a mess after the massacre. From what little I gathered, he never recovered. Cenred and Mercia would have torn the kingdom apart. No one but a Seer could have foreseen what would happen, there was no way. We all lost friends and family, you included, I know it's been a burden, but you've been one voice of reason when there were fewer than a handful left. I'm not naive enough to think that he wouldn't have more unstable and spread more viciously over borders without anyone less sycophantic or vicious at the table. I love my brother, Geoffrey, but he loved Uther as much as Alice once, in a way, and was too forgiving of his faults even back then. I'm not blind to his failings." She sighed, "Or to my own. We all failed them. All three of them. If I'd known about Morgana though…" Her voice faltered.

Geoffrey pulled her into a hug, he was rarely demonstrative, but the old man knew all too well the lack of physical comfort, and Hunith had been alone for far too long. "No one knew, no one knew everything, between selfish secrets and fear; even if we _had_ known she was always too much like her father. Once she set her mind to something, no one could turn her away from it… and the young Lady Morgana learned all too well here, that the end justifies the means."

Hunith tried to ignore the ache in her chest, "Perhaps. We'll never know now if it might have been different." She leaned into his warmth, letting him comfort her. It should have been Balinor here with her, standing beside her, offering silent strength, but since he couldn't she would accept what _was_ offered. Her old friend understood too well the isolation. Then she would go back out as Lady Hunith alone. Knowing she had a few supporters was some solace at least, she cleared her throat and dropped her arms.

"Come on. Enough of this sentimentality. Where are my things?"

Stepping back Lord Geoffrey looked his usual self again, "Blow the candle out first, and follow me."

The walk was quiet, both of them caught up in their own thoughts; Hunith kept having to remind herself not to slouch, or keep her eyes downcast, once again rewriting her mannerisms and outward facade to pass as she needed to, out of practice for the role.

Offering no comment as she bit back a curse at correcting herself again, the librarian snorted softly, unlocking the archives and indicating that she should enter first. "One candle, no more." He mock-glared at her and caught the soft smile and quietly amused response "Because fire does not belong in a library and you'll hold me personally responsible for any damage. I know. How brave of you to allow Merlin in here with your precious manuscripts without reaming him on flames and parchment proximity."

"I think that boy has cost me years of my life with his casual attitude to my poor library; for someone who spends so much of his 'free' time doing research and scanning texts you'd think he understood the effort that goes into writing them! Still, he hasn't set my poor library alight- at least to my knowledge, I suppose I ought to be grateful for that."

Hunith chuckled, "Neither did his father, and you never allowed _him_ unsupervised access."

Geoffrey cocked a bushy brow, "It wasn't illegal to notice _he_ was a dragonlord or sorcerer and warn the cocky young man. Plus, unlike Merlin, half the time he wasn't actually looking for books at all but for a very specific reader." He cast a knowing eye over the blushing woman, "You're still as lovely as ever you know, and as stubborn. Don't let the insecure ones at Court get to you later." Locking the door behind them, Lord Geoffrey led her to an obscure part of his archives, chaotic looking to almost any other eye. "No matter how many times they tore up my living chambers in searches, or anyone else's, there was something that held the men back from destroying the archives. Maybe there simply weren't enough literate to understand, maybe there is still respect, the reason doesn't matter. Merlin found some of it's hidden secrets within weeks, with minimal help from his guardian, there was plenty we did not share with one another. Aredian and his kith you know." He didn't need to elaborate on that, and carefully showed her into the hidden room, snorting as he saw the obvious evidence of recent disturbance, and sighing, "I swear the boy has no logical system of organisation, it _hurts_ me to look at it, but if I had fixed it he'd have realised someone knew and heaven knows what might have happened with him avoiding the place or distracted by solving the puzzle of who was interfering. I'd call him paranoid if it wasn't for the fact it was an entirely valid concern and may have kept him alive."

Hunith had to suppress a gasp at what she saw, for different reasons, feeling as though she was disturbing some kind of shrine to the Old Ways. "Don't open anything Lady Hunith, no chests, boxes, or books. These are no ordinary objects, and even _I_ do not know the history of most of them, only that destroying them _without_ understanding is foolish. Especially when one lacks the power to set right a mistake. The ones that I _do_ know were too rare, or precious, or dangerous to keep in an obvious place."

Hunith's lips curved up, retracting hands that had unconsciously reached out, "And mine?"

"Fit the first three descriptions well enough." He worked a stone in the wall loose and removed a carved wooden box, then replacing the brick with a grinding sound, he climbed up on a stool , stretching to reach a carefully folded piece of material that appeared meaningless, handing it to the woman. From it she took a key that lay warm in her palm, a braided cord rather than a chain passed through it like a pendant, pointedly ignoring the question in the old man's eyes.

"Lacks the ability to set them right?" She cocked an eyebrow, unsubtly redirecting his focus.

"Ask your brother about the goblin one day." He chuckled at one of the more minor missteps of their boy-warlock.

Hunith smiled, wondering what she could have told him that might have reduced the risks without also increasing them in different ways, glancing towards the key as she slipped it out of sight. "Is the way to the dragon's cave still guarded Geoffrey?" She asked politely, not expecting the look of shock at the question. "Well no, there is no _need_ to guard it my Lady. The way no longer exists. Emrys locked and sealed it to all."

Looking startled and troubled Hunith felt a heavy weight settle over her. "Oh. I am too late then… He was… Are the gates to the vaults still in use, Lord Geoffrey?"

He watched her cautiously, "They are my Lady, but it is unsafe- very unsafe- to enter unaccompanied. There are enough men who have been lost there."  
She snorted derisively, "And rightly so, I should think. Ignorance is _not_ bliss, it is dangerous. I however am _not_ ignorant of everything that lies in wait there, though I still would wish to take a protector. They were made to be used very differently to the way Uther has twisted them." She sighed, "Where is a dragon when you actually _want_ one."

Geoffrey watched her casually speak of things he hadn't dared say in over twenty years and felt an ache in his chest. "Hopefully very far away. Camelot is not a particularly friendly place towards them. However, knowing your _son_ , almost definitely hiding under a bridge or in an abandoned barn stupidly close to the city, just waiting for the chance to berate him in person."

Hunith smiled, shaking her head. "Probably. It would be in his nature. You sound very _forgiving_ of his… attack." She said carefully.

Geoffrey met her eyes steadily, "What Uther did to them was a greater wrong than I can atone for not preventing, _but_ if the Great dragon had truly sought our destruction, this city would no longer be standing. What once protected us from them no longer did so by then. Anything remaining would be a burnt out husk. We are not. He did not _concentrate_ on the areas of densest population, or the food stores, but on the citadel; on the castle itself. He rested during the day, allowing people to treat injuries, instead of continuing relentlessly, and I am old enough to remember seeing them in battle, Lady Hunith. Their capabilities, awareness, and wisdom. Camelot still stands because the great dragon _wanted_ it to be so, even in his wrath. Many men have done worse for far less significant grievances- including the king. I cannot forgive as Prince Arthur has done, but I _understand_. This war, this campaign of extermination has changed us all. I would wish for someone to remember me not just as I am today, but as I _was_ , before the darkness and pain twisted us all. Emrys and the Prince are all the more remarkable because they were _born_ into the darkness and corruption, and still bring light and truth. Value it very highly. I grabbed at my own chance of redemption, so I can't really deny that to others now, can I? Even if that 'other' can breathe fire and magic."

Hunith looked at him curiously, "Have you ever seen him? Breathe magic I mean."

The archivist looked at her and shook his head, "No; but I believe your _son_ has, on more than one occasion. Judging by his reading material, and rapid speed of healing." Hunith swallowed at the last part, realising full well it implied that while living in Camelot Merlin had sustained major injuries that ought to have either taken a long time to recover from, or caused permanent damage. She'd seen for herself his fast healing, but never in this way. It wasn't something she could ask him about, not yet. Things between them were still fragile, still brittle, even if their situation _was_ improving. Forcing things would only cause him to draw back and close himself off again, so she accepted what was offered and tried to demand no more than was willingly given. It wasn't easy, especially now so much _less_ had to be held back. Except that it still did, until they were both ready.

Smoothing down her dress, checking her jewellery, Hunith held her head high, as a true Lady ought to, and together they left the library, giving no outward sign as to have been doing anything untoward. In her hands was a small book, with an obviously feminine cover to deflect attention and give her a _reason_ for her presence in the library should anyone bother to question it, however unlikely that was. Asking questions in Camelot was dangerous. Especially when they were asked of visiting nobles.

Merlin surreptitiously watched his friend reading the old diary of the woman he had courted with intent to marry; as he failed to keep his mask impassive within the safe walls of his own chambers.

His own reading was no less confronting and uncomfortable, leaving him with as many questions as answers, but at least gave some more structure to the traditional obligations and expectations of a dragonlord. Tasks that would be radically different given that only he and Kilgarrah- and a fragile fae promise- remained. He knew what to do about his father's remains now, even if it was not possible to follow the _proper_ ways, and sincerely hoped he wasn't about to have to literally hunt for his bones. That thought turned even _his_ stomach.

Prince Arthur glared at the journal as though it might change if he was angry enough.

Merlin set aside the text he had almost finished. "What's wrong? You knew she lost him…"

"Not that." Hissed Arthur, "It seems some of our knights have broken their Oath to protect… and the _women_ have been silenced. I have some titles to revoke. Did they really think that I wouldn't care? God, when Morgana would say anything I found a way of enacting consequences, even if Father refused to acknowledge the problem many Lords have with rejection."

Merlin hesitated before sitting down next to him, knowing that Arthur would find the truth distasteful. "Well, Morgana and Gwen are very different people. Is it- I mean it could be possible that Gwen didn't want their suffering on her conscience, as she didn't seek Uther's blood? I'm sure Morgana appreciated the vengeance you served when they wouldn't hand her the sword, but those offences Arthur- they happened in public, Morgana held significant value, and to harm her demeaned you all, even if a complaint had been brought to the king you would have had a defense he'd accept of an insult to your House. Gwen was a _servant._ I meant it when I said we're invisible, and that means that so are any non-fatal actions against us. Actually, even lethal ones can be. People can be paid off, or their presence inconvenient. You saw what happened with Valiant. Our word isn't enough, it has never been equal to that of your noblemen. Gwen isn't an idiot, she knew what would happen if an accusation was made against a knight or a Lord without an equal witness against him. Standing up and being informed of how little we are worth is humiliating and degrading Arthur, and we get enough of that just by being servants in the first place. I was offered to Bayard on the condition that the poison didn't kill me first, and fired because Uther places no value on a servant's word. By _you,_ even though you would never do so now. She'd have been publicly shamed, like others, and removed from Lady Morgana. To lose her job in the castle would have meant destitution without a man to speak for her, to Gwen and so many others. The risk for so little chance of the removal of a threat rather than an increase of it was too dangerous for most, Arthur. It was never about them believing you wouldn't _care_ about your people being harmed." He squashed the voice that wanted to add they knew their _words_ would be disbelieved, "More that they- _we_ knew how things are structured and that there was little you could actively do, especially against the king. Anyone working _in_ the castle was familiar enough to know how that would end, and angry Pendragons trapped together are never a good thing."

Arthur remained as tense, fury clear in his eyes, "But they went free. Nothing was done, and now it's too late to stop the things they'll have done _since_ , shouldn't _that_ be considered!"

Merlin looked quizzically at him, "Well obviously. It's a nice thought Arthur, but a few years ago she really was _just a servant_ to you. Special only because she mattered to Morgana. Until mere weeks ago I would have seen no justice for this- don't panic, I was willing to risk being discovered to avoid _that_ particular maltreatment- but don't think your noblemen have any qualms about groping men either. It's power they like more than anything. We trade off duties where we can; find the safest ways and try to protect the smallest or most vulnerable, the women and youngsters especially, but it's just a fact Arthur. Not one that can be changed from the ground up without a full rebellion either. This one has to come from _you._ Unambiguously. You've got that anger, _use it._ Against the right people this time. I trust you. _Gwen_ trusts you."

Merlin's open expression left Arthur feeling hollow, and bitter towards his younger self. "I don't think I realised how much I had changed in as short a time." He kept his voice tightly controlled and saw his friend cock his head, looking almost amused by his mood.

"You make it sound like that's a bad thing. We're always changing, Arthur, all the time. The seasons, the earth, the people. Nothing is ever stagnant for long. Anything that _stops_ moving stagnates. I am proud of you, of how far you've come, and how much you've grown, but I wasn't ashamed of serving you then either, not when I began to see that you weren't actually as much of a stuck up, arrogant prat as you first appeared. Sure, you made mistakes, and the consequences were severe because of who you are, but you always _tried_ to serve your people to the best of your ability. Over time that ability has simply grown and matured. Are you a spoiled princess too used to getting your own way? Of course you are, but on patrol or campaign you slept on the ground like your men, and never told them to take a risk you weren't willing to take yourself. Even Gwaine serves you willingly, and you know he'd sworn off nobles for life! Hell, when he found out who he'd saved he was _pissed._ "

Arthur snorted and rolled his eyes, "Well, thank you for that _ringing_ endorsement _Merlin."_

The manservant flashed him a sharp look, "Hey, watchit, I'm not above giving you lasting bad breath if you can't be nice."

"I bet _your_ mother told you that if you couldn't say anything nice, not to say anything at all, didn't she?" retorted th Prince.

Merlin huffed, hiding a smirk, "She tried. It didn't work any better than it did for your nanny. Just as well really or you lot would have eaten me alive when I got here, if I'd survived Will first."

Arthur snapped a denial, "Nope. I don't believe he was ever as bitchy as you."  
Merlin glared at him, "Oi, he was my best friend thanks, and he might not have bitched but he taught me to swear… and other shady life-skills." He knew Will had enjoyed being considered by some a 'bad influence', taken almost as much pride in it as Gwaine.

Arthur cocked an eyebrow at him, "You're seriously going to tell me you were not the bad influence in that relationship?"

"... Would you believe me?" Merlin groused.

The prince grimaced, shaking his head, "Nope. Not possible."

"That's what I thought. You haven't finished Gwen's diary, have you _Sire._ I'll have you know I was _good_ ish before I came to the big city. Practically innocent."

Arthur only shot him a withering look, "You're a damn liar Merlin," He rolled his eyes at the prince because _obviously,_ "And even if that _were_ true, which it isn't, you long since cancelled it out with Gwaine… and may apparently be taking Sir Leon the once-guileless down with you now."

Merlin didn't disagree but wrinkled his nose, "Cynic."

"Hypocrite." Arthur shot back.

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Fine. What do you need to restore hope to the smile on your face _dear."_

His friend sighed heavily, "Clarity? Someone to tell me what the right thing is. For you _never_ to call me 'dear' again. I suppose I'll have to settle for one out of the three, idiot."

His manservant-warlock huffed. "Cabbage head. Come on, I should try and cram in as much of that cryptic stuff as I can while you go through the less confusing one. At least _Gwen_ doesn't write in riddles and try to encode what she writes. Honest to goddess, I think they were trying to torture the younger generation. It'd be like them if Lachlan and Kilgarrah are anything to go by. They seem to be as closed off as the priestesses, and at least as good at keeping fucking secrets."

Arthur frowned, deliberately not commenting on _Merlin_ begrudging anyone their secrets. "But you can figure it out, right? You always find some sort of weird answer that's supposed to be impossible."

Damn. Merlin sighed, wasn't that just the extra pressure he needed. "Maybe. Unfortunately most of the stuff mentioned here is gone or destroyed, and so are the dragonlords, so that's not particularly helpful."

The prince shrugged, "So are most of the things you're supposed to 'need' for what you've already done."

Merlin glared at him, "It's not supposed to be a _competition_ Clotpole. Some sort of bizarre high-stakes guessing game. It'd actually be brilliant if just once, all of the things and sources were just _there,_ waiting for me, and not in the format of a bloody riddle. That's excluding the bits that I can't translate without the help of a live and cooperative translator. How would you have worked out how to rule at all without any advisors, actual kings, or written and oral histories? I'm magic, not omniscient."

The mere thought of it sent a shiver through the Crown Prince as he tried to, nothing good could have come of trying _that_. The pair of them fell silent again, pensive and tensed. Arthur took a breath the way Gaius had taught him was 'cleansing', and broke it, speaking evenly.

"Did you know how troubled Morgana was? Guinivere started sleeping in with her for the nightmares- sorry, _visions_ , I thought it had helped, but her diary suggests the opposite, that it got worse."

Merlin fidgeted in place, "I… I mean yeah, I knew she had them and that it was severe. Didn't have the training or the same gifts though." He shrugged helplessly, what was past was done with, "Most witches and warlocks grow into their magic, or as they grow the magic grows with them. Even me. That's actually scary when it happens to you. So yeah, I'd expect someone as strong as her to increase through adolescence, and she was a pretty passionate person at the calmest times. Not sleeping wouldn't have helped her frame of mind, but she rarely reacted calmly. Morgana was _proud_ of her defiance and you know it... I can't prove it but I suspect she hadn't been using any of the tonics consistently either, so it's possible that didn't help after she'd given up on them. Only one in Camelot then who could have helped her was Kilgarrah, and he's a bit obsessive about prophecies so that was _never_ going to happen. If he knew she was Uther's daughter I guess that makes a bit more sense." Merlin shifted uncomfortably, he wasn't used to being the focus of anyone's attention- well, anyone who wasn't Gaius, and the exposed feeling wasn't one he appreciated.

The letters swam in front of his eyes, the words swirling together and he shook his head to try and clear it, cursing when it didn't work. He honestly _loved_ magic, but sometimes it was just the worst. He was right, he told himself, the Dragonlords were cryptic bastards who hoarded information. Maybe Kilgarrah would help him to read the next section, because Merlin had long since learned that the harder something was to find or understand, the more critical it usually was to figure it out, and fast. Fuck.

He got up and did a circuit of the room, running his hand lightly over the walls and round the window frame, stroking another light tendril of magic into the wards and satisfying himself that they were being rebuilt as they ought to be. Staring out at the citadel and beyond the thick walls Merlin reached down to trace over his fresh Druid marks, wincing slightly at the pressure on tender flesh. Glad of the reminder. No, he was not 'just a servant'. This morning the weight was almost unbearable and he could feel the same nerves and adrenaline kick he got before going into battle until a rough, calloused hand landed heavily on his shoulder. Arthur didn't look at him, instead staring out at the same point on the horizon that Merlin was. "Don't be an idiot. You're not alone, and _this_ at least is not your doing. Today is mostly about my father and I. Don't think you're getting out of serving the wine tonight, because lord knows we're going to need it. Come on. Stop sulking like a little girl with pigtails, I thought you were over that."  
The warlock muttered something insulting under his breath, but it was ignored. Neither of them had the energy to fight with each other _and_ against everyone else.

"And hey, at least we're not announcing to the world that you are my lover, and there will be no children to follow us, or that I turned into a vampire and no longer see the sun."  
Merlin only raised an elegant brow, "Don't even _think_ it; but I suppose there's that, cabbage-head. Though some of them have seen little enough of you lately that it wouldn't be hard to convince them you _had_ become a blood sucking fiend, or moonlight changeling. Goddess, they can be gullible! Not you, not anymore, but most of them."

Arthur hummed, eyes hardening into a scowl. "That or they put on a very good show for us all while father is watching."

Standing beside him Merlin placed a warm hand over the one on his shoulder, "Let's hope for the first one, shall we? If the second is true we'll deal with it when we must."

Arthur shook his head, "No. _I'll_ deal with it if I must. _You_ cannot be the one to reshape the Court of King Arthur. Not openly at least. Still, there are a few last acts left of _Prince_ Arthur that I will need my manservant, and best friend by me for. If he is willing that is." There was no break in Arthur's voice, but Merlin didn't like the flash of insecurity, the one he knew Uther had introduced and fostered to be triggered only by him. The one that his other side could never say No to. He sighed. "Come on then. Let me hide the books and get the dishes, and we'll get the revolution started."  
Arthur grunted, " _Merlin,_ the revolution began the moment you strutted into the city and asked how long I'd been training to be a _prat._ If I'd had any more sense than pride I'd have ignored your idiocy. Clearly someone thought we needed a revolution. We just have to hope that the people of Camelot _agree."_

Merlin ran a hand through his hair, "They won't right away. It's too big a change. Someone has to go first, take the risk, they'll have to _see_ the difference you promise before they believe it. Not because they don't believe in _you_ Sire, but because our survival instinct tells us to run, to hide. Think of it like trying to tame a deer who has lived their whole lives in your hunting grounds. You can stop hunting there, even have humans go walking only to gather herbs and wildflowers, but the fear won't disappear overnight, and to coax one to befriend you? Well that takes time and perseverance." His lips pulled up into the easy grin he often wore when their chances appeared slim, "Still, that's what you've got me for, and -I can't believe I'm saying it- Gwaine. It's why you have Gwen, who connects you to the people even if they ostracise _me_ , and some will."

Arthur shoved him away without malice, " _Please,_ those ones already ostracise you for your alleged mental problems, and the number of 'accidents' that occur around you. Huh. Maybe some of them _do_ suspect the magic." Arthur looked Merlin over, noting the mismatch of his general stance as though nothing was changed, and the external indicators that _Arthur_ was hyper aware of. "Nah. You really are just that weird. I don't think you've anything to worry about with suspicions. If they had any they've kept their mouths shut this long anyway. Today isn't going to be the day they out you, even if you weren't planning to out yourself as the warlock you are."

Putting everything away and opening the bedchamber doors everything suddenly felt a lot more real, and Merlin could feel his pulse jump in his throat, wondering absently if Uther could hear the way his heart raced. He was certain Kilgarrah could, as a calming presence thrummed in the back of his mind, not enough to distract him, just enough to remind him they weren't alone anymore. Focusing on slowing it and not allowing his childhood training to take over he maintained his usual composed mask and paused just before they reached a servant's passage to the kitchens, "I'll meet you by the cells Sire." He bowed his head respectfully, hoping as he turned that no-one had seen, because _Merlin_ _ **never**_ bowed. Ever.

Arthur tried and failed to suppress a smirk, clearly feeling he'd won some kind of game only he had been playing. "Don't dawdle, I won't be kept waiting by your need to gossip like an old maid today." He signalled agreement as the man split off into what were until recently the station 'appropriate' passageways.

If Arthur had been any more of a girl he would have reached for Merlin's hand for support as the man appeared silently behind him at the steps to the dungeons, but he wasn't, so instead curled his fingers tightly around his word hilt in reflex.

Leon's eyes flicking down towards them in surprise prompted Arthur to relax them. Uther was the one man in Albion who could still intimidate him. The one who knew his vulnerable spots were and could hit them without fail. The man who _put them there._

He could sense Merlin at his side as he greeted Leon grimly. Swallowing hard he steeled himself, preparing to approach his father with Magic openly at his side with them both aware of it. Magic. Funny, he'd never really imagined bringing someone like _that_ down to the cells with no intent to imprison them, far less to speak to someone _without_ magic on the other side of the bars. The dragon though had spent a long time trapped underneath the castle and called him Courage, and if ever there was a time he needed it this was it, he visualised drawing on Merlin and Gwaine and set his mask firmly in place.

His first glimpse of his father came as a shock to Arthur. Here was not the proud man he knew, arrogant and self assured; this man was haunted, diminished. He seemed so much smaller than Arthur remembered him being, and the cell smelled foul enough to make him gag in disgust. Whatever had happened between his arrest and Arthur's arrival this morning was not something he wanted to know details of. He knew that his Warlock could be ruthless, but physical torture didn't seem his style. When Uther became aware of his son's presence he straightened up, the anger and revulsion Arthur had expected twisting his hardened features. "You have no idea what you are dealing with you foolish boy." He spat, "the bastard is a monster, an evil worse than any other. He'll destroy you unless you kill him now, and you let him listen to your secrets for years. Control you. Why else would you allow him to be so insolent? He should have been flogged and branded years ago." The seething hatred from the man he had so respected chilled Arthur, shocking him enough that he was ill prepared when the imprisoned king lunged and grabbed a handful of the red cloak through the bars. "Kill him Arthur. If you ever cared for your people, or your family, the sorcerer _must die!"_

Arthur grabbed Uther's wrist and dug his fingers painfully into the tendon until he released his hold. "No. No Father. Don't you understand? _You lost._ This war you created? We _all lost._ It's over for you. Finished. He's no simple sorcerer either, and you know it, because I've seen you respond to a hundred threats, and even when it was Nimue or Morgause you never looked truly _scared._ You _fear_ him. I don't know what he told you, and honestly father, I don't care, because it doesn't matter anymore, just know I won't be killing the Last dragonlord anytime soon; and neither will you. Just tell me one thing; Why? Why did you do it?" Both understood the Prince meant so much more than raising a hand to a woman he favoured, and Uther met his gaze without flinching as he replied. "Because no one else would do what had to be done. I did what was right."

Arthur shoved him away and stepped back, turning to Sir Leon and Lancelot and wondering at Merlin's rigid self control, "You will be relieved by Sir Percival and Sir Elyan. The prisoner is to be brought before the council for noon. It may be wise for him to consider settling any debts he owes, or making peace with whatever may be waiting on the other side for him." Merlin noted the cold and empty tone of his King's voice and his heart ached for him. Consciously Arthur had known his father felt that way, he'd even believed the same once, but he's never been so vindictive or eager to cause pain. Some deep part of him must have been clinging to the vain hope that the man who he remembered could change, and Merlin's heart broke a little for him knowing that there was nothing anyone could do to ease the desolate feeling when your last hope dies. He was glad that Uther didn't get the reaction he wanted from Arthur after he'd had the night to cool down and prepare to face the goading. Leaving with dignity and composure felt like a victory itself. Escaping the dungeons allowed them to breathe again and Merlin shoved Arthur into the first empty room, pulling him into a manly hug, because they might not unless someone died, or nearly died, but it felt like the same kind of occasion. Arthur accepted it because he couldn't use the usual method of destroying things on the practice field and beating up other knights until later. He could counteract the girly moment by including Merlin in the group he was 'practising' with. Not even on pain of death would Arthur admit that the hug _helped_ at all, because he was Camelot's champion, not some delicate maiden. Like Gwaine. It might be dangerous to think of Merlin that way when he was already angry. Realising that it might actually be for the warlock's sake as much as his own the Prince thumped him awkwardly, hoping it conveyed affection or comfort, prompting instead a raw chuckle. "Gods Arthur, you are utterly terrible at that you know. 'S'like you have no practice at all. Let's go before they can come up with any poetry based rumours. I still have servant-stuff to do, and medicine to make up that mum doesn't have the ah, special _skills_ for."

Arthur rolled his eyes and shoved Merlin roughly out of the room, missing his more familiar scruffy look. It hadn't matched anyone else in the castle, and made him stand out in all the worst ways for his position, he had teased the man for it and his adamant refusal to change, but it was _him,_ a Merlin that Arthur knew, and recognised. Not the whole man, but a part that Arthur missed more than he expected. The manservant- healer had found something practical and simple and stuck happily with what he needed. Perhaps that was exactly the same thing he was doing now as he changed. Arthur glanced at his friend and realised again that he always had a reason for doing things the way he did. The same stubbornness and pride in who he was, the same refusal to change simply to conform to expectations for the convenience of others was exactly what he was seeing in the outward changes of Merlin's appearance and attitude.

Merlin did complete several of his usual tasks, but along the way also found several other tasks, and an excuse to visit Gwen, whose face was even more colourful than the night before, but so calm that he knew she had to be scheming, so didn't offer to kill the king. Even though he wanted to every time he saw the bruising. Instead he explained his need for under shirts or sleeveless tunics, since stealing one from Percival was clearly not an option unless he actually wanted a tent. Merlin may not be the most fashion conscious person, but even he doubted that him wearing something of Percy's would be socially acceptable. Gwen glared at him and muttered something under her breath about idiot boys who gave no warning, and him being lucky he was cute. Nothing pilfered from Morgana last night had the necessary breadth, and without his old tunics there wasn't much in the way of options. Looking at the frustrated woman before him Merlin winced and decided Arthur's displeasure later would be easier to fix. He wouldn't even notice a missing shirt unless Merlin told him, not being in the habit of setting out his own clothes. It didn't take long to find an older, soft one that would protect his still tender chest and return. Gwen grabbed it from him as soon as he crashed through the door of the healing chambers, "Next time _tell me_ where you are going _before_ you disappear", she was already ripping the neat stitches out to remove the sleeves though, and Merlin knew how quickly she could repair almost any garment, her skill was underestimated by most people in the castle. Asking her to do something _this_ simple was almost an insult.

Not wanting to waste precious time while he waited, Merlin set up some things at Gaius' table and brought down a couple of pots to adapt for increased potency. The atmosphere remained tense for the first ten minutes until Gwen broke it. "Did the knights manage to restrain themselves and _not_ kill Uther last night? I was a little concerned about their reactions, Lancelot and Elyan especially."

Her friend smiled, not turning away from the mixture he was heating, "Uh, well he was still alive this morning. Unhappy, but he's not actually physically damaged. Yet." He sighed, turning towards her slowly, "We're going to need you to testify against him. You won't be alone, and there is a lot more he is being held accountable for. He knows who I am now. Not my best thought out action ever, I'll admit." He cursed as he remembered just in time to stir the tonic before it overheated, "He knew my father- well, killed all the others, and Kilgarrah's, it's sort of the same thing anyway. He hurt Arthur though, the man we saw when we've been accused of witchcraft, and 'punished' is the one in the cells. He needs us now. So when he asks I'll speak too." He wished it wasn't too late for Morgana, but she'd chosen vengeance a long time ago.

Gwen pressed her lips together in a thin line, not looking away from her work or slowing down. "Alright. If that's what he needs. Just- will you be there? As a friend." She tried to sound more confident than she felt.

"Of course I will." Merlin glanced over to her, surprised she'd doubt it, "I wouldn't ask you to do it alone, and even if I _wasn't_ there, if I was tied up or something, Lancelot and Percival will be there, and witness for you. I don't count, since too few people know I've been upgraded from _just_ a servant, but still saw him strike Prince Regent Arthur."

Gwen nodded, that was better, at least she wouldn't be alone against a crowd of Uther's sycophants. She smiled as she realised that Merlin hadn't seen Hunith yet, glad that she knew his measurements already, she couldn't have the man contrasting with his mother that way. Nobles were far too judgemental for that.

Finishing the alteration and noticing her friend had poured whatever green tinged thing he was making into small pots to cool she shoved it at Merlin, pointing towards the bed chambers. "Go get dressed properly." She smiled gently, "Then you can show me why you're suddenly taking tips on style from Sir Percival of all people." She raised an eyebrow at him in a way that under different circumstances he'd have considered suggestive. Today he only grinned and winked, "As you wish _my lady."_

Coming out he felt a stab of apprehension about her reactions to him leaving the ink visible and showing that part of himself, but he needn't have, as Gwen let out a soft gasp and reached out to trace around the outline, careful not to touch the skin itself. Dropping her hand to clasp his she looked up to him and squeezed it gently, "They look right on you Merlin. You'll have to tell me their meanings when we've time… and it's kind of hot on you. I don't think they'd suit me or Gaius so well." She stroked his fingers and released his hand, seeing some of the tension drain from her friend, saddened that she hadn't seen it there before, that it just looked normal.

Merlin cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "Um, right, thanks. I'll- There's something I need to try before getting back to Arthur so… Thanks for the shirt."

She tried not to giggle at seeing her old friend tripping over words the way he had sometimes done before she was with Arthur. "Good luck." she called after him as he fled.

Merlin stood just outside the gates of Camelot with a staff in his hand and seeds in his pocket, and took a deep breath trying to remember everything Finian had explained, and analyse what he did when he influenced Time. Ignoring the dramatic winds that he'd seen Morgause use, or the first woman he'd seen try to kill Arthur, he focused on the way the world was connected, finding the place he wanted to be from where he was and concentrating. He felt the magic moving around him and opened his eyes, grinning, it worked, and better than that, he didn't feel dizzy and nauseous from doing it. Queen Mab had told him the plants would only grow in one place, so he had combined the necessary test of his theory with using her first gift. At least this way he could give Arthur one piece of good news and promise him more of the revolting faye drink. Provided it actually grew. Planting anything was simple, but Merlin was relieved the transport trick hadn't completely drained him, it _had_ been a risk, but getting out of Camelot for even a little while was like breathing again. He couldn't afford to get distracted though, there was a Once and very soon in the future King waiting for him. Doing the same thing as before he opened his eyes to see someone looking _almost_ like the man he'd woken up with but very unlike himself. Merlin almost second guessed himself before Gwaine cocked an eyebrow, and smirked, gaze raking over him and lingering on his inked skin. "Hey gorgeous, does the Princess know you left Camelot? 'Cause I don't think he's in the mood to unexpectedly lose us to some evil scheme today."

Merlin rolled his eyes at the man, trying to ignore the outward changes that made him at least _appear_ like a proper nobleman. "Hello Sir Gwaine, how nice to see you too, I had an interesting morning thanks for asking."

Gwaine pulled a rude face at him, "Yeah, yeah. I knew _that._ Just wanted to be sure you got back safe and didn't get yourself arrested th' moment you got back, seriously, you're getting way to careless if you don't want to be a whole different type of gossip. I saw you on the way over and was trying to catch up, and then you were just gone- which, how do you do that again? Much neater than that whole mini-storm deal I've seen before."  
Merlin sighed, rubbing his temples, "Oh my gods Gwaine, _shut up!_ No, he doesn't know, because he didn't _need_ to know, and I didn't want him to worry without cause alright? He's got enough to deal with, but he had to talk to Lord Geoffrey on his own, and think without me being in the room."

Gwaine's expression sobered and he sighed, "Yeah. You went down to see _him_ then?"

Merlin cleared his throat, glancing away, "Yeah. Together. I shouldn't have gone before, it was stupid, but it was better than what some of the others wanted to do… and effective. This morning was between the two of them. Elyan and Percy were taking over, so it's not like he's walking out on his own, but I'd better get my ass back to our clotpole before he has an aneurism. Oh, have you seen my mum at all this morning? I know she's not exactly unprotected but Camelot's not a safe place for her."

Gwaine chuckled quietly, "Aye, I saw her. I don't think you need to worry about _her._ That woman may have been out of circulation for a while but she knows what she's doing as much as Morgana ever did, maybe more. Percy was absolutely right to be terrified of her."

The warlock of legend snorted, "Everyone with any sense should consider my mother dangerous. Not evil, but a definite force of nature." He grinned at the knight before spinning on his heel and setting off to join Arthur, Gwaine following close behind him. "You look hot like that by the way. I definitely want to see it again when the world isn't falling down around us."

"The afterlife it is then." came the cheery response. "I'll sweet talk your Lady."

Neither of them were feeling any levity as they entered the council chambers to meet _their_ King, and on the other side of the table, the Court archivist, and Court physician. Merlin looked between them and the table, and walked back out swiftly finding the closest servant to request a couple of large wine jugs be brought up, not staying to answer any questions about why _he_ wasn't running the errand.

There was a clear tension between the two old men, but Merlin considered it would have been strange if there wasn't today, and Gwaine had crossed his arms across his chest in a way that rarely boded well. He groaned, missing his sleeves and neckerchief to hide behind, "Fuck. Right." He sighed and leaned over the table, like Arthur was doing on the other side, "Ok, is Gwen ready? We've not misplaced her?" He looked pointedly at Gaius, who kept his response unreasonably calm. "She's ready. Lady Hunith and Master Finian will bring them in at the right time."

Merlin nodded, feeling calmer. "Sirs Lancelot and Percival? They were present, and Lance and Leon were on guard overnight."

Arthur grimaced, "Ready. Not at their freshest, but ready."

The knights really weren't a concern for him; Gaius was. "So do the Councilmen know that Hunith is Gaius' sister?" He turned to Geoffrey while keeping his eyes on his uncle, seeing the slight flinch as Lord Geoffrey innocently waved a hand as though it didn't matter, "Of course they do, a couple are even old enough to recognise her in this setting, stupid enough to have overlooked her the one time she came after the village was attacked, but in here, in clean things? She is a hard woman to forget." Merlin chose not to read anything into that for his own sanity. "Right. Uh, ok then. I'm going to go ahead and assume they _don't_ know who I am unless they've been doing what _you_ did, in which case they're not likely to cause a problem." He looked to the head of the table then, and closed the distance between Emrys and the King, placing a hand solidly on his right shoulder. "Well then, where do I place in this shit show my Lord?"

Arthur turned his head to meet the eyes of Emrys and saw the sincerity behind his amusement, "Where you always are. My right hand, but this time you get a seat, it came with the promotion. You can play the idiot card if you want, but it's a lot less believable now, and wouldn't lend you much credibility, we don't have to explain everything, I can't see that going well outside the Round table, but we do want to discourage the idea that I have poor judgement."

Merlin hummed in agreement, "So what? Half truth? Confirm my family links, and let them argue over it a bit to see where they fall? Maybe later that I've been liaising with the Druids on your behalf. Honestly, as long as you don't announce I'm Emrys, or start listing titles today I'll work with it." He looked at Gwaine, noting the change in adornments, and hairstyle, a ring he'd never seen before, and saw Lord Geoffrey shake his head at them. Noticing the young man's confusion he sighed and gestured between them. "My Lords, if the Council notice nothing on sight when they enter then they are not self absorbed but blind. Merlin, you are wearing armour only a Dragonlord can, showing tattoos that hold specific meaning, and seated at the right hand of Arthur Pendragon, Camelot's Regent. Gwaine here, the bastard of Caerleon, is wearing his seal, decorative braces, and crest, with the correct knots on his sword belt. Even if he's still in Camelot colours- and I'm assuming all the bulkier items and anything less distinctive were traded or left long ago so they couldn't trace you and you could still travel light."  
"I could change the colour if you want." Merlin offered, receiving a grimace and head-shake.

"I'm happy wearing _his_ colours," He jerked his head towards Arthur, "And there's no practical gain from the swap. Yours have a purpose, and Kilgarrah might roast you himself if you wanted to go up in scarlet."

Merlin wrinkled his nose, "I'll pass on him giving me fashion advice thanks, he never wears clothes for one thing, but yeah, I can't imagine being comfortable in all the gear you lot wear no matter _what_ colour it was. It's gonna take a while to get used to the cold arms though."

Gwaine rolled his eyes and Arthur, being closer, smacked him as they both stared at him and two voices stated "Gauntlets, idiot." It lessened the tension between them enough for all the men to take seats, Gwaine to the right of Merlin, Lord Geoffrey to Arthur's left, and beside the archivist, Gaius.

The physician was chalk white, knowing he was about to lose the man who had been like a brother to him, and likely the regard of everyone else. If there was anyone else to fill his position he would risk that, but Merlin already had too many jobs, and no one trusted magic enough to allow anyone else with enough knowledge to supervise all treatment. Not that _that_ was actually Gaius' fault, and with Merlin he'd tried again, it was just that Destiny claimed him first. In the years he'd lived in Camelot Merlin had seen Gaius be truly, selflessly brave a scant handful of times, but this was really the first time that they knew there was _no_ hope of a last minute reprieve, or rescue. Merlin resolved privately that if his guardian went through with everything he had agreed to today, he would find Alice if she still lived, and bring her back to him, _without_ the manticore or any other demon related issues.


	61. Chapter 61

Arthur had set it up carefully, the knights guarding Uther would bring him in after all the councilmen were gathered, so that they all would realise at the same time what was happening, and no one had an advantage over a rival.

Hunith and Gwen would enter through a different door, separating aggressor and the injured further, without the women looking as though they had been discussing 'correct' answers with Prince Arthur and his close advisors. The older woman was a physician's assistant who had treated Gwen, and both were escorted by a man far more dangerous than he looked to allow Emrys and his King to focus on their own tasks.

Merlin's knee jiggled under the table, he wished he had someone more experienced to ask, was tempted to reach for Isildur or Kilgarrah even, but it made more sense to wait until they were finished here and he could give them news.

Arthur's own nerves were far less visible, showing only in the tightness around his mouth. Merlin doubted anyone but Uther and those already in the room would see it. The years of practice to control every expression were well spent.

Gwaine had adopted a similarly blank expression that looked _wrong_ on him, but he didn't have time to question it, the heavy door swung open, a rotund Lord with florid complexion striding in looking as though he'd certainly heard _something._

The others followed him, appearances ranging from plain curiosity to barely suppressed rage.

The door slammed shut and Merlin crushed the urge to run as his own mind stored it as the door closing finally on his old life, a final chance to run he was choosing not to take. Nausea rolled over him and his skin felt too tight. Gwaine grabbed his right thigh under the table and squeezed hard, giving him a point to focus on outside his own head.

Behind them stood someone he had never expected to find comforting, cocking an eyebrow at Merlin's changed appearance and nodding his approval. He doubted anyone else would take consolation from a taciturn spirit inviting themselves to a meeting.

One had taken a proper look at the two new men by Arthur's side and turned almost purple teeth grinding together, while another, who had been with Lord Geoffrey's sympathisers was barely hiding his glee as his gaze fixed on them.

Arthur could see one of them freeze as his eyes settled on Sir Gwaine, and the man next to him shake his head in a silent denial, noting the dawning horror as he stared blatantly at Merlin. Any of the younger men couldn't recognise the meaning on sight, or were distracted by being summoned with so little warning to an _urgent_ meeting of the Council. Too often recently that had heralded an attack. When all were seated, impatience trumping anger about a servant sitting by the king this time, as that could be addressed when the Prince declared the session open, Arthur met the eyes of each in turn gauging the mood of the men. Taking a deep breath he decided it couldn't be put off any longer, the room should still be shielded and no man was going to walk out without an explanation so he didn't anticipate any immediate storm outs, he doubted Merlin would allow them anyway with the mood he was in. With a last sideways glance to his best friend Arthur began to address the room.

"Today is a day that I had hoped would never come. One I have been avoiding, in vain hopes of saving something- some _one_ dear to me. This year has not been a kind one to many here in Camelot; we are resilient, determined, and proud people, and it is an honour to defend this land, but our land and freedom has cost all of us dearly. Men I knew well, men I had grown and trained with, trusted, have been lost, and I denied what was clear to everyone who could see. That my father is one of them. His body may have survived, but his mind did not. I have been in consultation with the Court physician, and with others who knew him well, all of whom are in agreement that his mental state and stability has been deteriorating for some time. I recently learned that he has been treated for a long time for an old wound which appears to have weakened him and contributed to several impairments that have been somewhat compensated for by his advisors where possible. My father, as you are _all_ well aware was a forceful man and difficult to resist or deny, and never compromised once he had reached a decision, several of you suffered and lost friends as a direct result of it. Master Physician Gaius is present with us and willing to give his testimony regarding my father's condition and prognosis. Until there was proof that it was progressive he was bound by an oath not to break his king's confidence, an oath he took very seriously." Arthur directed a dark look at the old man.  
"Over the last months Uther has proven himself incapable of leadership, unable to hold diplomatic meetings, unpredictable, and increasingly violent towards those around him. In the last week alone he has raised his hand towards me, and injured the Lady Guinivere without cause in a fit of paranoia. Months ago I reluctantly became Camelot's Regent at much urging from all of you. At that time I insisted on taking only _temporary_ Regency, against the advice of several experienced Court members. Today I am revoking the 'temporary' part of that status and will henceforth be Camelot's _permanent_ Regent. The uncertainty of Camelot's kingship risks making our enemies bold, and following investigations I made with a mind to begin my own rule prepared, and the losses our knights and defences have suffered we cannot afford that weakness and uncertainty. As king Uther knowingly left our defences depleted for years and we have begun to reap the results of some unwise decisions that were taken.

Uther has been receiving constant care and has regularly abused those people, after losing all control yet again and attacking one of my Household for the second time in a week, without cause and showing no remorse. Due to the severity of an attempted murder he was taken down to the cells overnight until he could be brought before the Council and formally removed from his position." Arthur held up his hand as the room exploded. He'd have to wait until that was done and Uther escorted away again before mentioning the less private trial for treason.  
Two of the noblemen remained quiet and Arthur resolved to ensure they were kept on the council. He wasn't going to underestimate someone for sitting quietly in the chaos after Lord Geoffrey.

He allowed them a few minutes to shout over the top of each other and fight to be heard, confirming who fell on which side, before nodding to Geoffrey.  
Bringing his hand down hard on the table and wondering at the unusually loud echo he called over them, finding his voice oddly amplified and shooting a surprised look at Merlin, receiving a small shrug.

"SILENCE!" Arthur roared. Most of them obeyed, seeing the dangerous look on his face, though one began staring at Gwaine, as though trying to work out why he was here at all.

One of his least favourite of his father's fanatics continued to glower, and his apparent supporter sneered as he spoke, "Not to _doubt_ the young prince's words, but I have seen the king dine and amuse guests since he took the _temporary_ regency. I cannot support this action without proof." There was a murmur of agreement from two others that Arthur knew enthusiastically supported Uther's policies, he'd been expecting it.

Turning he waved to Gaius. "The Court Physician oversaw Uther's care and health for many years. Your own too. Even before my father's personal violence escalated again he had given a recommendation to permanently remove the man from power. We simply intended to do it differently. Gaius, speak your piece."

Merlin kept his eyes locked on Gaius as his mentor stood, he wondered if the others present could see the pain, or how much older he looked. Even the robes that hid so much, like the weight loss, couldn't erase that much. His uncle and friend looked directly at Arthur, and Merlin, eyes haunted but showing clear resolve. "Yes Sire."

He faced the council as he had hundreds of times over the years, when they had ignored most of his input unless it was directly related to magic or possible contagion. His influence had always been stronger behind closed doors, within a private friendship with the king. Surviving association with Uther so long though did earn a measure of grudging respect and the men watched him impatiently. "What Crown Prince Arthur informed you of is accurate. Uther has been able to hold conversations periodically, and with heavy medication has stable periods that have enabled him to be seen in supervised settings in order to prevent a panic, and limit rumours and speculation. His condition is degenerative and incurable. It is not magical, but physical. I cannot in conscience support the charade that he may one day recover, and the man to whom I swore allegiance decades ago would rather die than suffer the inevitable public humiliation if we allow him to represent his House or this kingdom. He sees hallucinations. Days where he believes it is the past, and refuses to accept I am who I say. I hate to see my old friend this way, but we have a responsibility to ensure he never again tries to regain control and disable his claim, if it were anyone else I would already have quietly offered them a hemlock draught... longer than I'd like to admit to anyone but the king. The coronation may not have been held yet, but in every practical and tangible way that has been Prince Arthur for a long time. He is experienced in battle, and in negotiation, trusted by his men, and skilled. He has trained from a young age for kingship, and will defend his kingdom to the last breath. It is my belief that Prince Arthur ought to have been made king when it first became clear that Morgana's attack had severely compromised him."

A barrel chested Lord with greying hair sat opposite him, grimacing in distaste. "If you say the king is incurable I must accept it, but to Install Arthur? He's too reckless. We need a level head in such times. Wisdom."

Geoffrey frowned deeply as he answered sharply, "I think you mean _Crown Prince_ Arthur. For months he has been doing everything any crowned king would and you've barely noticed! If anything it's been smoother than previous recoveries from attacks. Wisdom and balance is why a man _has_ advisors he chooses. A wise man chooses men with a variety of perspectives to offer." He gazed out at the group who really only offered _one_ and watched them shift uncomfortably.

"This gathering is not the sign of a reckless young man, but the result of evaluation, consulting with experts, and by calling the meeting he is not seeking your approval like some young boy, but giving forewarning to allow you to prepare for the change if you must. Do not misunderstand like a self absorbed child, king Uther will enter this room and be _informed_ of the decision that has been taken for the safety of all Camelot. He will leave as the father of the new King, without title or claim, there is much you are not privy to. You may stay and support our next king, or leave with the old one, finally equal to him." The pair locked in a staring match, the first seeming to understand but be unwilling to acknowledge he was outmaneuvered.  
Arthur interrupted the silent battle of wills, gesturing to the rest of the table, "Enough. Are there any others who have something to say?" The almost bored tone had Merlin wince, if he hadn't known objecters would be removed he was sure that one would have lost his place for simple lack of courtesy, even _he_ wouldn't speak that way to Arthur in front of the Council that way.

One of the ones who had managed to appear moderate nodded, "I would like to see evidence that these 'attacks' took place, people have been known to make claims before against good men. Also to ask a second medical opinion, Gaius is good but has been known to make mistakes and state that some things are fatal which are not." Arthur smothered a sigh, it wasn't an unreasonable demand.

"Gwaine, bring in the Ladies." He indicated the side door and the knight obeyed instantly, drawing a raised brow from more than one in attendance.

Merlin barely recognised his mother as she led Gwen in, admittedly slightly exaggerating the support she was providing, but Gwaine played along as he quietly offered his seat and stood behind their friend. "You are looking at it," Stated Arthur calmly. My own bruises haven't yet faded, and there have been many others less visible, but I ride to war, my own bruises are cause for concern only because of how I got them. He has a history of attacking girls under his control that I thought was gone, apparently not. This time he struck the Lady Guinivere with enough force to knock her from her feet, the bruising and swelling is reduced due to swift medical attention. Her ribs while bruised are fortunately not cracked. Her life was saved only because of the intervention of Sir Percival and Sir Lancelot."  
"Your personal favourites, _Sire."_

Arthur didn't blink, "My best, Lord Argyle. I would not have left my father with less than my most trusted knights." He gave the man a look as though concerned that he would even think of trusting Uther to just _any_ knights to guard, and the man blushed. He didn't need to know that it wasn't for the reasons he assumed.

Hunith had styled Gwen's hair to subtly emphasise the injury and Merlin had to grant it was well done, the shade of dress bringing out the colouration the same way it would emphasise eye colour. Necessary, he decided, as Gwen's naturally dark colouring concealed more from men used to seeing and judging severity of bruises on pale skin. The scratch would scar without his intervention he concluded, and the split lip was obvious.

"And this was unprovoked? Perhaps she just has problems listening." A nasty smirk crossed the face of a man in the corner, younger than most of the others. Arthur growled, "I'll have the name of your wife before you leave this room, as of now she is no longer _your_ responsibility _sir._ "

A couple of the men looked genuinely shocked to find that their Prince found the practice of physically disciplining women unacceptable. "As you can see, the physical damage is visible and will take quite some time to heal, but his intent was to kill the woman I was courting. I would be glad to offer a second medical opinion but after requesting one found that it was not possible to get one as Camelot has only Master Gaius, and his assistant, Merlin. Not Camelot the citadel, the kingdom. As my duties have increased as Regent, so have Merlin's, so we are fortunate that one who trained with Gaius years ago has recently returned from an extended stay in Cenred's kingdom. Lady Hunith is less practiced, but certainly better trained than almost any others I have seen, and has been tested by both Gaius and Lord Geoffrey for competence and reason. As to the legitimacy of Gaius diagnoses and retraction of fatality, I do not think you will like the answers, but he is not an alarmist. An explanation will be given once the primary issue of Uther is dealt with."

No one moved.

"You would take the throne from the king over a peasant woman in fancy dress?" The one who saw nothing wrong with violence to unarmed women scoffed, "Will we also go to war over the next skirt you chase?"

Arthur seethed, barely restraining himself, but before he could reply he heard a woman's calming voice from his right hand side carry properly over the grumbling.

"A dress does not make a woman, as a sword does not make a man. Lady Guinivere may have been born to a blacksmith to the castle armoury, but she _is_ a Lady of the court, both through her brother Sir Elyan, and as my companion, sir. Prince Arthur introduced me as an ex student of Gaius, which is true. What he did not say, as it really does not concern you in any way, is that I am a _returning_ Lady of Camelot. My husband died honourably defending his family, and I came to stay with what remains of it and discuss the inheritance with the Regent and my son, the rightful heir of his father. Unfortunately my brother in law is no longer physically and mentally well enough to fulfil his previous duties, so I believe that the issue must be taken up with his son. The Crown Prince of Camelot. You _will_ respect the Lady under my protection or I will present a witnessed case for slander to the Regent of Camelot. I doubt he will take your part in this case. How much do you think he will fine you?" Her hands were firmly on her hips, one eyebrow raised as she regarded the man trying to shrink in on himself. "Or, I suppose, since it's the first time I have witnessed this particular offence, I suppose you could simply make a full public apology and retract your accusations. Whichever you prefer." Hunith waited, as though it made no difference to her what he chose. Merlin wasn't sure whether to be proud or horrified, and Arthur was just barely suppressing his laughter. Gaius had hung his head in his hands muttering about never letting anything go.

Humiliated the man gritted out an apology that covered the bare minimum, but it was accepted as _this time_ there were more important things at stake than their dignity. Gwaine didn't bother pretending and grinned at the man evilly, deciding that Merlin's mum should be at every council meeting. All they'd need _then_ to make it tolerable would be ale. Even Lord Geoffrey wore a small smile, which for him was like waving a sign in support of her.

Arthur sighed, it was like trying to herd cats.

He kicked Merlin and startled him out of his thoughts, for once glad of being kicked back. He was still awake then.

"Since we are all agreed that the injured parties were in fact injured, that the only _trained_ physicians still alive in Camelot agree that Uther is incapable of serving the kingdom, or of adequate recovery, let him be brought forth."

"Yes Sire." Answered Gaius, if his word was significant in this he would at least take the responsibility and meet his old friends eyes.

As the door opened Sirs Leon and Percival escorted him forcefully in, having the least obvious loyalty and ties to Guinivere.

The king in name radiated fury, drawing himself to his full height as he faced down the council, fixing on Gaius. "So, you have decided to join the band of traitors? I loved you like a brother! We planned the very conquest of Camelot together, fought together, even believed your oath to reject the evils of magic and its users, like I trusted your oath of allegiance. I should have known better and burned you with the others before it could turn you." An undercurrent of true sadness almost caused Gaius to falter, but it was not the same man staring back at him as the one who had been a brother to him. He couldn't erase the years of horror between.  
"If you had you'd have died years ago, and very few would have mourned you. You needed me, and I let myself be used, _brother._ I thought perhaps we could protect them, mitigate _some_ of the hate. They are not traitors. We are loyal to Camelot."

"You swore allegiance to _me."_

Gaius shook his head sadly, "The man I made that oath to died with Queen Igraine. Mercy would have been to kill the shell left behind."

The councillors gasped, Gaius had never threatened Uther before, hardly ever let feeling colour his responses, his restraint only failing if it involved his ward. Even now his tone was almost bland, as though discussing perfectly normal council business, but it was glaringly obvious that something had changed between them.

The muttering ceased and turned to silence with one quiet word.

"Father." Arthur watched him steadily, no cracks in his armour for Uther to attack, without any visible insecurity, waiting for what he knew was coming.

"No. I disowned you." A hiss by his side kept him focused away from the pain that brought him. Another blow would have been easier, Uther knew it and Arthur had no intention of letting him witness _that_ grief. Instead he shrugged, and stared the man down answering him smoothly.

"After I held you to account, yes. A few days ago after I disagreed with you on a point. You never could abide anyone disagreeing with you. Stable men don't chain their children in dungeons for that. Especially little girls. You decided that because you were seeing things it was time for you to be given vetoing and decision making power, despite recent attempts to murder people I love, and being supervised for risk of harming _yourself._ Camelot cannot have a king without risk assessment skills or consideration of consequences. You will never be a safe man to grant power."

Uther snarled and lunged for Arthur, caught and restrained easily by Percival, "I _made_ this kingdom safe, I _cleansed_ it, it will always be mine. You can call it your own but it will always reflect my image back at you, from every corner; give it up, you know you're not ready, still just playing at being king until daddy comes to the rescue." The dark look he gave Arthur turned Merlin's stomach.

Arthur finally lost his cool, throwing his arms out, disgusted. "You poisoned it. Poisoned everything. Brought death and destruction, and fire. It doesn't change anything here and now, you are not fit or able to serve. With My own authority as Regent I remove your status and any power you once held; and with the support of Lord Geoffrey, the Court physician Gaius, Balinor's son, and the heir of Caerleon to witness I really don't think you have enough men willing to walk away with you giving up their own lands and titles. I know for a fact that none can win if they challenge me to a duel openly." He looked around him, seeing the truth of it sink in for the rest.

Uther's eyes widened as he seemed to finally see the full room, eyes darting to fix on Merlin at Arthur's right side, _"YOU!"_ He growled,

"Me." Merlin nodded casually, leaning forward, "But most assuredly not my actions or direction, he only found out the truth. You were sloppy Uther. Arrogant. _You were not good enough."_ Merlin ignored any title or respect, Uther was offering him none.

"Balinor's son." Colour drained from his face as Lachlan strolled round to wave over Merlin's shoulder with a smirk, ignored entirely by Merlin who gave no indication of being aware of him, and suddenly Uther realised how he recognised the coat and turned green, "Wearing dead men's coats."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Well I really don't know what else you expected since you had _all_ of them murdered, and yes it's not _my_ House symbols, but the dragons don't seem to mind, and no one said the family markings had to be on a coat. I don't think Lord Lachlan would mind, do you? Not that you can ask him, but if you could and he was here I think he'd be rather pleased it was being used." Merlin shrugged at his green pallor as he began to question everything.

"Then who is Caerl…" He saw Gwaine grinning wickedly giving them a friendly wave. "Terribly sorry about skipping that part in introductions, but I _had_ visited before, and everyone seemed to be in such a bad mood. Anyway, remember that time you exiled me? That was after the whole Prince Arthur killing my idiot half brother by the way- super inconvenient for father. If you'd only _not done that_ I'd have been here for their visit and far too returnable for comfort, not that I'm special like Prince Regent here or his cousin, but you really did blow that one. Sadly for me, not _everyone_ in Camelot is so woefully unobservant and my grace period finally ran out, so Arthur may have to own up to finding the lost rogue heir. I _was_ planning to put that under the AOCB section of this afternoon, honest. Even dressed up for it and everything." He turned the hand he'd waved around to show the ring and seal he was wearing, drawing a string of curses from the ex-king.  
"Percy mate, I think you've been a bad influence on your charge here." Percival simply rolled his eyes, the silent as a rock thing worked for him in the council chambers. Lord Geoffrey had completely closed off, and Uther knew from experience that attempting to talk would be like persuading a wall.

It was only when his eyes came to rest on Hunith, her total disappointment and desolate resignation clear in every line that he admitted defeat to himself. He had imagined storming the council chambers and his men rushing to his side the way they had in the past, wide agreement that the boy had overstepped, yet they had abandoned him for their own self interest! Somehow while he wasn't watching and controlling Arthur his obedient boy had become a self assured man. He'd stopped _needing_ Uther's approval, not stopped _wanting_ it, but he wasn't waiting for or expecting that; and since Uther had never offered the unconditional love that some soft parents did, Arthur didn't expect it. He couldn't lose what he didn't have, so Uther knew that he wouldn't trust any such declaration or demonstration he might make now. Even the truth would seem like manipulation, and Uther realised just how badly he had ruined them all. What Arthur had never been given from those who should have shown him love and connection he had found somewhere else; he had made himself a true family and chosen it over the father he felt had betrayed him, and the could-have-been sister who hated them. The outcasts and lost ones had somehow, impossibly, formed their own, and they would _all_ support Arthur to the death he knew. Even the monster. His breath caught, the young ones must not know, they didn't know the servant had magic, of course they didn't. That would make them see, the evil hiding with them! He almost shouted in triumph but was too late, as he tried to call out 'Emrys' his voice was silenced. Arthur was already talking again. "Your rule is ended Uther. Finished. It's over. Sir Percival will escort you with Sir Leon, to your temporary accommodations. There is one more ceremony that you will be required to take part in- don't worry, it has no elements of the Old Religion Father. Uniquely Pendragon. You told me that there must be consequences for a man's choices, and that a true king takes responsibility. Even when they want to pass it to someone else we have a duty to pass fair judgement and not show favouritism. It was an _unpleasant_ learning experience but effective, I will never forget that father. Thank you."

He turned away, addressing Percy tonelessly, while the knight was still firmly gripping the ex-king, "Take him away. Don't harm him."

Percival nodded tightly. Seeing Gwen now, without the chaos to distract him, it was far harder to resist the urge to hurt the old king, but Merlin nodded firmly at Arthur's side and Percy knew he wouldn't get away with even an 'accident'. The Old bastard was luckier than he knew. For everything he'd done Percival would happily end him, but the two men heading the table were the only ones who actually had that right. If even Emrys said it wasn't time yet he'd play nice, for now. "Shut up and move." he grunted at the elder Pendragon, not waiting as he dragged the man from the room which had already dissolved into factions and griping that Percival was grateful not to be a part of.

Merlin stared at the way Uther had gone even after it closed, it felt too surreal, and with the man gone, the council would begin to actually process the statements and claims that had been thrown about. Even outing Gwaine and himself as potentially Important People to the council almost casually. Whatever Arthur had been planning he doubted it involved his mother stirring up the decidedly misogynistic Council, still, if it gave any protection to Gwen, Arthur would probably be in favour of most things. They'd already added experimental methods of discouraging man eating moles to that list, why not Merlin's battleaxe of a mother?

In all his fantasies about this moment there had been violent opposition immediately, unavoidable bloodshed, he'd never counted on shock or the selfishness of men wanting to work out what was in their best interests before committing to a side and agenda, _or_ where his having magic or being Emrys was not the central fact of a meeting. Perhaps he should have, given the non-event his first declaration to them was, the way mostly- sane Uther had shrugged it off with an 'arrest him now, execute him in the morning then' without even looking properly at him until Arthur had shown up and claimed he was just in love with Guinivere. It still made his gut twist that she'd been accused of witchcraft and slated for execution because of him, and was one more mark against Uther in his eyes. Really, how she'd managed to let it go enough to court Prince Arthur was impressive, but then, he supposed there were those who thought the same about his own relationship with the new yet-to-be-crowned king.

He knew that the trial where he actually _admitted_ to being a warlock and Uther was _prepared_ with nothing to lose anymore would be very different. That would be a fight, and the lines would have been drawn by Lords who had established better what would line their pockets best. Gwaine looked frustrated by the bickering, Gaius was wearing his disapproving eyebrows as full grown men started throwing wild theories around, and Hunith had the same expression as when his five year old self accidentally set fire to their roof, he cringed. Side eyeing Arthur he rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, the uncrowned King tried not to show how much it was getting to him, but they'd had their moment to complain loudly.  
 _"ENOUGH!_ By Camelot you are like children! Badly behaved, ill mannered children at that. How anything gets done with self serving fools here is beyond me, unless your estates are sending you to the Court simply to get you out of their way. Sit down and shut up." An unnatural silence fell over the group, and Arthur suspected Merlin had something to do with that, but this one time he wouldn't protest the intervention. "Listen carefully, because you'll hear nothing further of it until the trial of Uther Pendragon, and no one outside of this sound-proofed room will hear of it at all before then either, anyone discussing it will be held guilty of collaboration with a known criminal and sentenced with him. To answer _some_ of your clamouring questions and demands no, the Lady Hunith is not exaggerating, or lying, Lord Geoffrey himself has checked her lineage and recorded her birth here in Camelot. My father recognised her and had no reason to feel threatened until he realised there was a child- no longer a child really, but a man. You need not panic and start planning coups, we are allies already and have been for a long time. No, the fact we have only two physicians in the whole of Camelot is not untrue, and it has unquestionably contributed to the number of deaths over many years. Indeed, until Merlin came to train under Master Gaius there was only one, because my father equated healing and saving lives with magic, and physicians must brew remedies with many of the same plants, in different ways. Many burned, and eventually those training elsewhere stopped coming. Warriors are supposed to accept death as an innate risk of their work. Healers are not expected to risk a violent death.

Gaius has been known to declare some wounds or sicknesses fatal, only to have a patient unexpectedly recover, myself included on several occasions and some of you wrongly questioned his skills because of this.

You may be shocked to learn that on the occasions this has occurred, healing _magic_ has been used, without which _all_ would have been fatal. Some of this without our awareness, and some at my father's command when it affected his family directly, and no, the vast majority of those interventions were not the doing of Gaius himself, or at least not alone.

On some occasions Uther looked the other way, and on others it was a direct order, in some cases he made assumptions and _thanked_ the physician for breaking the oath he forced him to take. In light of this hypocrisy and a great deal of other factors I have concluded that healing magic, with strict regulations, must be made legal. It cannot be available only to the royal household while peasants and minor nobles are executed for less. I understand that many of you may be unsettled, even fearful of such a change, but I have seen too many good men die of simple wounds, nicked arteries, without a skilled healer nearby, but with someone who could save him if it would not have meant their death and that of their families. What you do in your own household for care will be your own responsibility, not my command unless you cause someone harm.

Regarding Households, none of you will be collecting any gold or rewards for 'finding' Sir Gwaine, a message has already been sent to invite King Caerleon and Queen Annis for a diplomatic visit," It was a lie, but since he fully intended to do so as soon as the meeting finished Arthur considered it an _almost truth._ Gwaine sighed resignedly. "None of you have any influence in what is decided between us about his future.

The Lady Guinivere is under _my_ protection and Lady Hunith's, _and_ her son's, as one of the advisors to the king I am granting her the choice of which ancient Household she wishes to join, or would stay as part of Sir Elyan's. You will not touch her. Lady Hunith wishes not to be inactive after so long living independently, and will return to her prior position as Gaius full time assistant for advanced training. I do not believe she requires me to warn you all, but it would be unfair not to add that she is protected by a man even fiercer and more protective of those he loves. Lord Geoffrey has verified all claims as legitimate and examined the heirlooms that each had, using a different test for the one who was given none. I have learned that some unique skills are _inherited_ by blood. You may ask questions, politely."

Several sat quietly, clearly contemplating the implications and trying to absorb it, and others began shouting about lunacy and evils never polluting their lands again.

Arthur crossed his arms, giving them the look of deadly calm they all knew from watching him fight. "Anyone unable to comply with the law, or discuss their problems like civilised men is welcome to walk out that door and leave the council. They will obviously still be bound by the agreement not to discuss council business, no one is keeping you here against your will."

The Lord who had been yelling about poison still looked apoplectic but he sat down heavily, gritting his teeth.

"And if I refuse? My son died by magic, it is evil."

Arthur's eyes narrowed. "I was there. Your son died in battle, during a fight we initiated at Uther's demand, attacking a camp. He killed three of their men in front of their children before 'magic killed him'. It could have saved another of the men present who lost his forearm and succumbed to infection. They served with me, and we knew the risks. That day the very threatening thing we intervened in was dinner. There were plates waiting and a stew on the fire. Threatening indeed. But Uther gave the command, so we followed it. The Druids hadn't taken Morgana; they _never_ took Morgana. She sought them out of her own accord because she couldn't ask questions in Camelot and was terrified of her own guardian. You can refuse, but your refusal will see your title pass to the next in line, and next again until there is one who will protect your family. I'm not my father, I'm not going to execute you for refusing to follow the laws, but you will lose your title and home. If your son had died on the blade another man was using that day, would you refuse to allow anyone to use knives anymore? Of course not. This is not a new king welcoming dark magic into our kingdom. I am simply recognising that a King should not freely use something he executes others for associating with. Knowing what I do now, about how many times I have been saved by magic, and the lives of my knight, even my father, I cannot in conscience continue to live so hypocritically. It is not a decision I take lightly, how could it be? Like many who fight for Camelot I have seen many things and been conflicted about many things through the years. It is time that we were able to discuss such concerns without fear of burning for asking the wrong question."

The old man looked less sure of himself, still angry, but pensive, "I will consider it."

Arthur nodded, "You will give me your answer by noon tomorrow, the Council should have the _actual_ Lords meet. Do not think it is something to pay lip service to here, Patrols will obviously continue as usual, but often stop by, you can expect unexpected visits from Camelot's finest." He smiled as though extending a kind offer, and ignored the downcast look of his detractor.

One of those who had been quiet and calculating spoke up, clear grey eyes piercing him, "You spoke of an ally, and this Lady Hunith's defender, yet you mentioned no name. Why? I may trust _you_ Sire, but I cannot trust an unknown man."

This one he'd definitely have to keep an eye on resolved Arthur as he considered his answer.

An almost weary sigh came from his side, but the smile Merlin wore was confident as he replied,

"He gave no name because he had not asked if I wished to come forward yet. At least _one_ of you has some sense, honestly, because questions about laws and taxes are all well and good, but _you_ actually noticed what _wasn't_ said. I'm not going to ask for your trust. Not the whole way anyway, because when it comes down to it, I'm a liar, I am honest with _Arthur_. I have no hidden motivations, my purpose in being here has almost from the beginning _been_ to protect Arthur from everything he couldn't handle himself, as not everything can be driven off with a sword and mace. Not that I knew when I came here that it was the reason. I originally came to train under my Uncle as a physician, which became a lot harder when Uther made me manservant to Arthur as a _reward_ for saving him at a feast. By the way, making a freeman a servant? Isn't a reward, people. So I suppose trust me, but I'm not about to be offended by caution, as long as you listen to what King _Arthur_ says. He is your commander, and I am loyal to _him_. He's not exaggerating about the over protective streak. I dislike violence, I don't seek it out, and I want peace, but if someone threatens those under my protection I will deal with it as seriously as my King does. I believe that there can _be_ peace in Camelot and between the five kingdoms. There are people who would unite behind me if I did decide to fight Arthur for Camelot's crown. It'll never happen _I don't want it._ Seriously, I've seen how much paperwork there is, the lack of sleep, and having to smile at visitors you loathe! I'd offend half of them by _not_ lying, and I already have three impossible jobs, even if Mum- I mean Lady Hunith- is taking over some of it with Gaius. Plus some are afraid to touch me. That's complicated. Really. So I'm not an unknown man to you, but there are unknown aspects to me. Had you looked or listened, they weren't very well hidden at all."

The man's lips pressed thinly together and his brows knit, "What gives you the right to speak of peace, or of the Prince Regent as an equal?"

Merlin looked at Arthur and swallowed, the other side of his coin leaving it up to him.

"The fact that we _are_ equals. It is not yet time to explain, by bloodright I have a place on his council, one that has sat empty of Uther's for many years, but on Arthur's is not missing. I am the Last Dragonlord, and I command them. You can't seriously have thought dragons only existed in the five kingdoms? The world is not that small. There's a reason kings try to lure dragonlords to their side if they expect war, and believe me, Arthur did no luring. In the beginning he routinely fired me and rehired me, to the point it got boring. Neither of us knew then of the connection. You answer to Arthur, there are others who answer to me, and _I_ am loyal to King Arthur, which means they also owe him allegiance _through me._ Gwaine has sworn allegiance to Arthur, which is a situation best left to the kings, Sir Gwaine, and Queen Annis.

I am here because I am _supposed_ to be here, and because with the single, sole exception of Uther's rule, there has always _been_ one of my kin here in Camelot. If you want to check, Lord Geoffrey can show you the documents and histories."

The archivist's face lit up and the other man sucked in a breath at the not quite threat, no one who entered the library with Lord Geoffrey was seen for a long time, and he may be astute, but he was not a scholar.

He slowly nodded and clasped hands under his chin, looking between them, "Then as you suggested I shall trust you cautiously. I would like to see peace in my lifetime, as unlikely as it seems. The prince may have been reckless as a boy, but the man I have seen him grow into is not. He is a leader of men, and has shown honour and courage. I accept your changes to the Law Sire, in my land it will be done."

Arthur breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you Lord Calder."

One man stood and looked around the table at them all, lip curled in a sneer, "You're cowards, all of you, too afraid to risk your personal comfort, see what it gets you when the Witch is sitting on the throne, burning normal folk." It was the first storm out but Arthur doubted it would be the last. What he had informed them of was really the barest bones of his intentions, but it had shown him which might be open to persuasion and which never would.

An unpleasant, oily looking man still sat in the corner regarded Merlin with new interest, as though seeing new prey, and anger coiled deep in Arthur's gut, but as he said nothing offensive and hadn't taken action there was nothing he could do. Gwaine shooting him death glares the whole time seemed to eventually have an effect, but the smirk was not reassuring.

Since the laws against magic were the once most often enforced, Arthur really hadn't put much care into MerlinandGwaine situation, not thinking it would be a real issue for most of those present. Neither of them were particularly subtle though, and he didn't expect it to take long once anyone started paying attention to them, but _those_ looks made him wonder if he maybe should have thought about it sooner. Dammit, Lord Bevyn's eyes had darkened as Gwaine placed a possessive hand on Merlin's shoulder seeing Merlin lean into the touch instead of away from it. A glance to his left and Geoffrey's frown told him he had seen the same thing.

Merlin had rolled his eyes at Gwaine's possessive gesture, the man was perfectly willing to 'share' him with Arthur in any way, or even another friend, but another guy _looks_ at him and he was ready to fight, it's not that he was unaware, he was just used to ignoring the looks as a servant and dealing with anyone who tried more.

"Relax. Unless you plan to add _that_ to this particular meeting you're going to have to stop trying to incinerate him by willpower."

"Can you do it for me?"

Merlin coughed, "Yes...and I won't, it's not like I'll ignore it but this is not the time or place. I promise if you let it go _now_ I'll make it up to you, you can be as jealous and possessive as you like as soon as we are _not_ being watched in the council chambers. Legally you can't be my anything yet, and I'm getting magic sorted first before the laws about fucking."

Gwaine didn't let go but lessened the pressure as he realised he'd been gripping it. "Good thing you're in leather." He muttered. "Would've left bruises otherwise."

Merlin turned slightly and half smiled, "I've nothing against bruises gained the _right_ ways, just figured a mob of perverted Lords weren't it. The jealousy is kind of hot you know, as long as you don't do something stupid. So don't."

Gwaine's death glare softened as he turned his attention back to Merlin "You know there's nothing in Caerleon's laws about this, or in the ones _you_ have to keep. It would totally be a respectable arrangement. The only downside would be Arthur dying of shock and the horror of agreeing we'd done something respectable."

"A mistake on both our parts. Clearly we'd have to do something particularly outrageous to offset the balance. Maybe the pixies would help. Or Isla."

"Percy will. More wine?" Gwaine reached over for the jug to top himself up and hand to Merlin, realising that the person standing behind to his right was Hunith and hoping she hadn't been paying any attention to their brief exchange.

Two of the men had already made their sympathies clear to Lord Geoffrey, and Gaius was accounted for, with one of the anti-magic zealots _finally_ making the connections to Merlin shrieking and declaring the prince Regent was cursed the balance in the room was tipped. The last openly hostile one leaned over the tabletop, voice harsh, "Well. I hate to agree with Pye about anything but this is unlike you. It's far more likely that you are cursed again. Can you prove satisfactorily that you aren't?"

Arthur crossed his arms. "Not really. Shall we ask our resident experts? Merlin, what do you say, am I cursed?" He gave his friend a wry smile as the ex-servant snorted, "No, thank the gods, you are not. Not for want of effort. Keeping you curse-free is so much work some weeks I wonder why we even bother, then I remember that we actually like you and you're not _always_ violent anymore. Cursed people behave out of character or respond to specific prompts, serious curses as opposed to minor ones, would be obvious if you looked for the signs and you'd lack free will or the ability to disagree with the person responsible. Why?"

"We really need to work on your concentration, Idiot."

"Of course _sire."_

"Well then, moving on, Gaius. You were the Council's advisor and reference on magical matters as long as I can remember, do I appear cursed in any way to you? Am I displaying any typical signs or conforming to any common types of curse you are aware of in experience or theoretical reading? Now I know that you have _seen_ me in the past with my free will compromised and acting under the influence of dark magic or enchantment, and been required to identify how to counteract it, you would not lie to me." Guilt twisted in the physician. Good. Arthur had power that had far reaching impact, but it didn't respond to instinct or emotion, he didn't have to be so quick to forgive the man fully.

"No Sire, you show none. Neither those you displayed under Sophia's enchantment, or Morgana's or any other that required breaking. You are fully aware and not unpredictable. I do not believe you pose any danger to yourself or others around you, you show no signs resembling intoxication. I hope you are feeling no irresistible urge to elope. There are no new trinkets on your person or as recent gifts. If you are cursed then it's unlike any I've seen in all my years of study, perhaps you have shown greater confidence recently but I had rather thought it was a sign of you settling into your new responsibilities and knowing you were more than able to discharge them well."

Arthur nodded, he already knew that, "Lord Geoffrey, you are well read and have lived long enough to recognise different types of magic, including a curse. Do you have any opinion to offer?"

The archivist barely raised a bushy eyebrow in his direction, "I have no practical experience beyond observation, but I observed people closely, they intrigued me. There is no need for concern Sire. You are free of any curse or enchantment as of now." Arthur's lips quirked to the sides, "Sir Gwaine, or Lord Gwaine if you prefer," The man glowered at his smirk. "You have travelled in far more than this one small corner of Albion, and in some of those lands the laws on magic were less restrictive, you have seen them in use and the breaking of curses and bewitchment. In your opinion should I, or the council be concerned about my self possession."

"My Lord Arthur, I think you are either incredibly sappy and pathetic when under love enchantments, or dangerously unpredictable and disoriented when cursed, usually in great pain. Neither of those apply here, nor internal conflict, single minded focus like Uther's paranoia, or the cases which have required intervention in the past. Do you seriously think I'd obey and follow a man I believed cursed? Any of you? Bloody no, I'd be breaking an oath to him if I just let that continue, we'd be out finding a way to lift the damn thing, and if you truly believe that Prince Arthur is cursed then so should you be, so anyone still sitting at this table or standing idle in three minutes better be certain that ain't the case."

Merlin sniggered as Gwaine broke his surface good manners, deciding that more wine would be unwise in the current company.

When only one left Arthur looked around the room soberly, counting the seats he mentally allocated one permanently to Gwaine, another to Gwen, and to Hunith. Of those waiting until after Uther's second appearance to make a final decision one only had daughters, and one had lost sons in the frequent attacks. The women were released first to allow them to go where they wished without being followed by any of the council members. By the time only five of them remained Arthur's head was throbbing and he felt drained. Lord Geoffrey approached him first and bowed surprisingly deeply to him. "Well done. You did what no-one else could. It is not over yet, but you have ended the tyrannical rule of Uther Pendragon. You truly are the Once and Future King, and most importantly you are a _good man_ Sire. Well, I have a great deal of records to fix and write tonight, a letter to dispatch to Caerleon when you have put your seal to it, and others to draft. Good evening my king; Emrys, Lord Gwaine."

Merlin waved feebly, his throat having gone dry hearing their Names in the context.

Gaius looked between them as though torn between paternal pride, joy, and deep sadness. Arthur thought he knew how the man felt, and saw the moment Gaius went to take a knee, only to be blocked by his nephew in physician mode, looking disapproving, "No. If I catch you kneeling on cold stone for less than someone collapsing or a bone sticking out their foot I swear I will tell Mum and have her hover like a hawk from now until _she_ is satisfied you have learned." The eyebrow was less impressive from Merlin, but Arthur was convinced that with practice it would be as effective as Gaius's own. "I'm not dead yet boy! This is important."

"Then let's keep it that way and skip pneumonia. It can be just as important with you sitting on a chair." Gaius rolled his eyes, " _Now_ he becomes a healer at heart."

Arthur chuckled, "He wouldn't be Merlin if he was any less awkward, would he?"

Gaius sighed, "Arthur, Sire, I am proud of you, I know how rarely he told you that, and it has been a very difficult path to tread, but it was an honour to see you grow into the man you are now. Your mother would have been incredibly proud of you, especially of your passion, and of your courage today. Camelot is fortunate to have you. If you will allow me I would like to remain in your service." Arthur weighed the man's words seriously before answering.

"No." Arthur missed the hope fading from Gaius eyes before he could cover it, "You couldn't keep that for certain. I will accept you into the _joint_ service of Emrys and the Once and future King so that your loyalties are not conflicted by agreements in future." The old man's body sagged in relief as he processed the words. "Thank you, King Arthur. I know you've not had a coronation yet, but you had best get used to answering to it." There was a hint of a twinkle in his eye again and Arthur placed a large hand over Gaus wrinkled one, seeing again the man who had calmed him as a child and listened when Uther had no time to be a father. Who taught him what plants he must never eat, the one who knew stories that weren't _only_ histories of battle.

Gaius rose slowly, turning to a watery eyed Merlin, pride shining from him, and was swept into his old ward's arms. Their family was messy, and torn, broken, but Merlin was beginning to understand that it must be so for the whole of Camelot, maybe all Albion, and what Isildur and Finian had meant. Forgetting about the other two men he knew without looking that Gaius was shedding silent tears for them and thought of all the times he'd done the same or been comforted by the old man. "Ssh, it's over. The worst part is done now, you did it." Merlin sighed against hair that was almost white and leaned down, not letting go, "I forgive you Gaius. I forgive you." At first that seemed to make things worse but why he managed to calm down enough the old man stepped back a little and smiled weakly up at the man so similar and yet so unlike the lanky boy who had first stumbled into his chambers. "I love you too my boy. It's not Emrys, or Kilgarrah that make you so special you know, it's your heart. You don't really need me to tell you on Balinor's behalf how damn proud he'd be, but he would, and even though he'd pretend not to, he'd secretly approve of Lord Gwaine too. Even pretending he didn't." Gaius let go and Gwaine slipped an arm about Merlin's shoulders and steered them out, heading towards Arthur's chambers, by the long route that passed the stairs to the healing rooms to ensure Gaius reached it safely.

As they half stumbled into the almost King's room Arthur and Merlin's minds were buzzing trying to organise their thoughts. Merlin's eyes were flickering with gold, and Arthur looked like he wanted to disembowel someone, Gwaine looked around the room and decided there were too many breakable things and groaned, he was sooo going to regret deciding to be a good friend in the morning. Slumping into the seat for a moment he wondered about getting some backup and realised the only good option he had was Lancelot, who had the advantage of also being seriously angry. Yeah, he probably wanted to maim someone too. "Fuck. Merlin, can you do your head talkie thing without frying someone right now?" It probably wasn't a good sign that he had to think about it at all but the warlock seemed confident he could, at least before he started giggling. Oh well. It was only Lancelot, maybe it would make him more interesting. "Alright gorgeous, I want you to tell Lance that he is to meet us on the practice field ASAP. Not you and us. Me and Arthur, with shiny metal pointy things. We're going to go and beat each other for a while until someone passes out or gets hungry. You get the fuck out of here before things start exploding, and we'll catch up when everyone has calmed down. Maybe you can get a start on whatever tonight's thing is," Merlin nodded, bright grin ridiculously wide, edging on manic.

"He's on his way, and suggested ale for after."

"We have the best friends." Gwaine pulled Merlin in for a kiss before Merlin giggled into it,

"Our friends are idiots and drink too much and mph…" Gwaine smothered his rambling, "Like I said. We have the _best_ friends. Now you go and do whatever magic thing you have to do like a good warlock and _not_ destroy Camelot, while I get the shit knocked out of me by the two angry knights who need to hit something after a very hard day. I'll leave some tonic for a headache and salve for bruising on your table when I go pick some up later."

Merlin smiled, "Thanks love- hey, Gwaine? Want to see something cool?" No. No he did not, Gwaine did _not_ trust that particularly wicked flash in Merlin's eye, but he fixed his eyes on the crazy bastard anyway because how could he not, and damn his boyfriend was impressive. Half a second later Gwaine knew that he or Arthur were going to strangle- no, but maybe definitely punch him for disappearing on the spot clicking his fingers.

Merlin hadn't disappeared at all, from his perspective it was more that the world was moving around him, but he was excited that the clicking had worked. It was a vain flourish, but he appreciated a _little_ showmanship, he just had to practice his timing. The cool air flowing over him was incredible and as he took off at a run he let himself for once simply feel the good things and let go of what was happening tomorrow. Throwing himself down into the grass he let himself float on the heady mix of comforting sensations and allowed the roiling magic to drain out of him. If he ever designed a castle there was no way he was building it out of hewn stone. Right in that moment he couldn't think of one single reason Morgana would want it when the forest and mountains were _right there._ He closed his eyes and smiled as the land welcomed him home again.


End file.
